Empty Nest (1988) s03e05 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on that damn air conditioner is stuck on high.
My nurses station is colder than a well digger's butt.
Well, never mind how I know.
I just now.
Thank you.
Oh, Laverne, some days are filled with total satisfaction.
All my kids are healthy or getting better.
Makes me feel at the top of my form.
Now, you'd better watch out.
Next thing you know you be wearin' a cape and calling yourself superdoc.
Don't be silly, Laverne.
Well, get yourself into exam room one faster than a speeding bullet.
Joey mundo's a-waitin'.
Joey mundo? I love Joey mundo.
Remember when he first came here about three years ago? New in town, no friends? No, shyer than a virgin cow meetin' El Diablo in the pasture.
Laverne, please, you're pushing the envelope on the colorful language.
Sorry.
Now we've watched him grow into this really well-adjusted young boy.
I love it.
Well, apparently he's done some backslidin'.
His mama asked me to tell you he's been depressed, ain't been eatin' proper, and it all started when his best friend moved away.
Oh, who have we here? Oh, is it? It is! Is is it Joey mundo? Yeah.
Yeah? That's all you have to say to your old pal, Dr.
Weston? Guess so.
Okay.
Let's do a little examining here, a little talking.
Anything new in your life? - Toys, hobbies? - No.
You and the wife still on the outs? What? Just trying to get a little response here.
Well, your mom says that your best friend moved away.
He was donatello.
Donatello, the sculptor? No, the teenage mutant ninja turtle.
- And I was Rafael.
- The painter? No, another mutant ninja turtle.
I know you're feeling sad 'cause your friend is gone.
Yeah, I hate him.
No, I don't know.
You know, Joey? I mean, your friend donatello didn't move away 'cause he wanted to.
He moved away because Even mutant ninja turtles have to do what their moms and dads tell them to do.
One of the good parts about growing up is, you see, you can make new friends.
You'll find another donatello, trust me.
You finished? - Well, yeah.
- Bye.
I must be slipping.
That was some of my best stuff.
Wait, wait, wait.
Was it something I said? Well, never mind, doctor.
Even superman trips on his cape sometimes.
Tsk, reading chaucer in the original middle English is truly a lyrical experience.
Would you mind if I read a bit out loud? - Mm-mm - Good.
Listen.
"A pauvre widewe, "some deal stape in age," "was whilom dwelling in a narrow cottage.
" "Beside a grove, standing in a Dale.
" That's great, Carol.
Wanna feel my bicep? Why do I even try? Why are you reading all this fahrvergnugen frusen gladje stuff anyway? I'm taking a few extension courses at women's community college.
You know, it occurs to me you could broaden your horizons, too, Barbara.
What, go back to school? I'd rather be on a stakeout in a crawlspace with a fat cop who has gas.
You don't have to take middle English.
I'm taking some fun courses, too, like art.
- I hate art.
- Oh, you do not.
Remember when you were a child and you used to spend hours with your little coloring book doing the most beautiful, detailed work? No, Carol.
That was you.
Oh! So it was.
Morning, girls.
Daddy, tell Barbara she should take an art class.
Barbara, you should take an art class.
Daddy, tell Carol, "not a chance in hell.
" Not a chance in hell, sweetheart.
Daddy, don't you think Barbara would have fun in an art class? Remember when she was little and she used to make such wonderful little horses and ducks out of her modeling Clay? That was you, dear.
Oh! So it was.
You know, Barbara, maybe you should take an art class.
- You really think so? - Yeah.
Come on.
That could be fun.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
With all those long and boring stakeouts, I have a lot of time on my hands.
I could, like, draw a masterpiece or something.
We're gonna have so much fun.
Bad dog.
Bad dog.
Bad, bad dog.
Whoa, stop that, Charley.
What are you doing with dreyfuss? What else? Trying to pick up women.
Oh, man, I'm desperate, Harry.
It's been five weeks.
Five weeks since the dietzter hit the jackpot on the slot machine of love.
So you took dreyfuss for a walk? Walk Ha! You would not believe what this dog wants to do when he's on a walk.
And I was this close to scoring when he did it.
Charley, you are to leave dreyfuss alone.
Oh, well, fine.
Sure, stick up for him.
What about me? What about my needs? Have you tried women who don't speak English so they don't know what an idiot you are? Sure! Look, it's not my fault I'm hitting this brick wall.
It's this damn economy.
What does that have to do with anything? Hey, wake up.
The supply of available ladies is directly tied to the economy.
Look, money's tight, interest rates are high.
Single women are scrambling for the security of marriage.
Gal shortage.
Simple babeanomics.
Yeah, you know, I read that in a brochure from dreadful, benham, and moron.
- Morning, Joey.
- Morning.
Well, I've been going through all my medical books and journals trying to figure out what to do about your problem.
- Yeah? - Yeah, and Sometime early this morning I stumbled across an article about a bold new treatment developed especially for kids like you.
I think it's worth a try.
Roll up your sleeve and hold out your hand.
A shot? Nurse, we're ready for the bold new treatment.
Here you go, doctor.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
Thank you, nurse Todd.
I hate shots.
I'll be gentle.
Sure.
Get ready.
Aww! That didn't hurt.
A turtle! You got me a turtle.
Thanks, Dr.
Weston.
Thanks a lot.
Now, look, I know he can't replace donatello.
You're right.
He won't.
He looks more like Leonardo.
Da Vinci the painter? No, the ninja turtle.
Excellent! You're catching on.
Cowabunga, dude! Okay, thanks.
He smiled, Dr.
Weston.
You're both smiling.
This is very good.
Hey! If you ever wanna come over and play, you could be splinter.
He's the real old rat who taught the turtles how to fight.
Lovely.
Can I go now? Yeah.
But, you remember, you wash your hands after you play with him.
Okay.
Here.
For you.
Oh, Joey, I don't think don't worry.
You're never too old to learn.
You see these little guys right there? You just have to get them into the cave, find a way through the maze, figure out where the sword of Merlin is, and take it to the king.
Oh, sure, okay.
Uh, is this the on button? I gotta go.
There's evil to fight.
Cowabunga, Dr.
Weston.
Yeah.
Cowafadinefadinga.
Well, I see Joey come out of his shell, so to speak.
That was a good idea of yourn, giving him that turtle.
Now, back to work.
No, wait.
Wait a minute.
Look what Joey gave me.
Do you know how to turn this thing on? There you go.
You found the cave, solved the maze, got the sword.
Give it to the king.
Game's over.
Back to work.
Barbara, you're not exploring all of your palette.
Your Greens, your reds, your earth tones.
Carol, I hate this.
I hate earth tones.
I hate this class.
I hate painting.
I don't know how Earl scheib does it.
Here.
What do you think? - Well - Look deeply, Barbara.
These are not just any flowers.
My flowers cry out, "let me drink, let me drink, for my soul is parched.
" What a nut! All right, class.
Your homework assignment, a still life, a plate of fruit.
Arrange it, live it, paint it.
Now I'll make my assessments.
Carol, you didn't say we were gonna get graded.
Don't worry, Barbara.
You did fine.
Remember, this is for fun.
This is just for fun.
Relax.
High praise.
I need high praise.
Tsk, nice.
Well, actually, I was trying to modify cubist notions by integrating a shade of pointillism.
Really? Well, it's still nice.
What's this? That.
Uh-uh.
No good? Well, I would never make that kind of judgment, but Yes.
Your painting is passionless, lifeless.
It's uninspired.
- Oh, yeah? - Barbara! Carol, she dumped on me in front of everybody.
Don't worry, Barbara.
You'll catch on.
And remember, if you ever need anything, I'll always be here Gotta go.
Chaucer class.
Barbara "We've been departed till amorwe" shut up! Now, Nikki, dear, please, you've gotta listen to me.
No more chocolate covered raisins in your nose on hot days.
Better yet, no more anything in your nose, period, okay? Thank you.
Bye.
Okay.
Next.
Well, you got some downtime.
Why don't you grab you some lunch? I don't know.
The chocolate raisin thing kinda killed my appetite.
Hey, Joey! What's up? I think Leonardo's sick, Dr.
Weston.
He hasn't moved since last night, except when I shake his box.
Okay, let's take a look.
You know, maybe he's just tired and took a little sleep here.
So? Joey, uh, I'm sorry.
Leonardo's he's dead, isn't he? Yeah, I'm I'm sorry.
I knew it.
Thanks for nothing, Dr.
Weston.
Wait.
Wait.
Joey, Joey, come here.
Arrange it Live it Paint it.
Barbara, you just took a bite out of my still life.
Now, come on.
We have to get to work.
We have to get our assignments ready for class.
Ask me if I care.
Barbara, come on.
You'll be fine.
Just remember what the teacher said.
Arrange it, live it, paint it.
Forget it, drop it, shove it.
Barbara! I'm not going back to class.
Barbara, you can't quit Dreyfuss! Barbara If quitting the class has anything to do with the instructor criticizing you, remember, all the great artists go unappreciated.
The really great ones go crazy.
Carol, you're not gonna talk me into this.
All right.
Fine, fine.
End of discussion.
I'll just go back to work.
And you can go back to being A wimp.
- What did you say? - Nothing.
Wimp, wimp, wimp, wimp, wimp, wimp.
All right.
Give me that.
All right, Barbara.
Now, remember, don't make the same mistakes you made last night.
You've gotta feel it.
Make it come alive on the canvas.
- Not like that.
- What?! What do you want from me? Just be free, be yourself, make it yours.
- Let me do it.
- That's it.
Forget it.
I'm out of here.
Does this mean you're quitting the class? Bingo.
Oh, great.
Oh, damn.
Doctor Oh, Laverne, I really screwed up with Joey.
Now, you did your best.
Superdoc.
I was feeling like superdoc? What a joke.
Now I will not have you pickin' at yourself this way.
Most doctors wouldn't have gone as far as getting a patient a turtle.
Wouldn't have cared that much.
So what if the damn thing was wheezin'? You're no vet.
The turtle, that was a mistake.
Giving Joey a turtle was not the way to help him deal with the loss of a friend.
Well, I tried to steer you towards the parrot, but, no, you wouldn't listen.
That's not the point.
When somebody's grieving, you don't try to distract them.
You try to help them work their way through it.
That's what I should have done.
That's what I'm going to do.
Yes, doctor, can I help you? Yeah, Harry.
I need a stethoscope A thermometer, some forceps And throw in a brewski if you got one.
I think I may have finally found an angle to get myself a date.
I'm gonna call security.
No, no, no.
That won't be necessary.
Uh, Charley, what is this about? I'm gonna impersonate a doctor.
Call security.
Oh, come on, Harry.
Just hear me out.
Now, everybody knows women are a pushover for doctors.
Right? I mean, you didn't go to four years of medical school and two years of residency just to heal people.
Come on, Charley.
Let's go.
Give me the hat, the gown and the mask.
- Come.
- Not the mask.
- I love the mask.
- Charley I'm sorry, dear.
You're just gonna have to come up with another plan.
Well I guess I could impersonate a lawyer.
Nah, too sleazy.
Hi, Joey.
Mind if I sit down? Can we talk? Don't wanna.
Ah, I think we should.
Don't wanna! Okay.
You don't wanna talk, you don't have to.
How about you just listen for a second and I'll do all the talking? Joey, I made a mistake, trying to replace your friend with a turtle.
A dead turtle who I hate, just like I hate my friend for moving.
Ah, you don't hate him, you're just You're just angry with him.
I mean, that's okay.
I understand those feelings.
You do? Oh, sure, yeah.
I mean, I had a real special friend once.
Libby.
And Somebody I loved very much, who Well, she moved far, far away, and I was very angry when she left me.
But I learned that I would love my friend forever.
I just won't stop loving her.
And I won't stop loving other people and things, just because I'm afraid that one day they might leave me.
'Cause the time we share together and the memories, they're just too valuable.
I need them.
And so do you.
I'm scared I'll never have friends again.
Oh, yes, sure you will.
You've got me.
Yeah, but you're old.
Why do you always bring up the "old" thing? Leonardo? Yeah.
I think maybe it's time for you to say good-bye to him.
How do you do that? Well, we'll give him a little funeral.
Yeah, I think it's gonna make you feel a whole lot better.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Come on.
You get the box.
Bring it along here.
Now, look, we can bury him right there.
Come on, Joey.
Joey, you know? It would be nice if If you said a few words.
It's called a eulogy.
What do I say? Well, you just talk about what you know, what Leonardo meant to you.
I'm sorry I said I hated you, Leonardo, 'cause I didn't.
I'll miss you.
That was real good, Joey.
Do you wanna say good-bye? Oh, sure.
Okay, uh Leonardo was a Fine upstanding member of the turtle community, a turtle who brought us, you know, a few fleeting moments hi.
I'm Amanda.
I just moved in next door.
Excuse me, dear.
I'm in the middle of a eulogy here.
Oh, a pet funeral, huh? Yeah, my turtle.
I've been through these.
My hamster got squished by a truck last month.
Wanna come over and play? I don't know.
What you got? Wait.
My eulogy.
I've got pocket power, shoots and ladders, mouse trap And then I can show you all my Michelangelo stuff.
Yeah, the mutant turtle.
No, the guy who painted the sistine chapel.
Let's go.
Bye, Dr.
Weston.
Bye, Leonardo.
Well, I think Joey put it very well.
Bye, Leonardo.
Thanks, Libby.
I'm sending you a turtle.
Just wash your hands after you touch very nice, Sandra.
We'll give it a "b.
" Where's your sister? Oh, I'm afraid she's dropped out, Mrs.
spearman.
She isn't an artist like some of us.
I see.
What's that? An empty plate? Well, I was going to replace the fruit, but then I realized that the empty plate makes even more of a statement.
I'm showing that sustenance of any kind is at best ephemeral.
That's very interesting.
"F.
" What?! Barbara, what are you doing here? I decided to give the class one more shot.
Well, don't! Quit! Go home before it's too late.
Mrs.
spearman's judgment is all warped.
She just gave me an "f.
" What have we got here? Now, this is a vast improvement over the other night.
- Really? - Such passion.
It's full of anger and violent rage.
You know, I don't believe I have ever seen a plate of fruit convey such elemental contempt and hatred.
Well, actually it's not a plate of fruit.
What is it? It's her.
Very nice.
This is me? This is nothing but a series of angry brushstrokes.
"A" plus.
Well, let's move on to life drawing.
Good.
That's more like it.
Will the model come out, please? Hi, ladies.
Carol, Barbara! Sorry.
I i don't mean to point.