Kickin' It (2011) s03e05 Episode Script

I can't believe I'm spending my vacation at the Animal Park sitting behind an elephant waiting for him to pass the Zoo Director's cellphone.
Ugh! It could be worse.
Oh, it is.
I have to call him when I find it.
Milton's so lucky.
He gets to go to Scotland with his parents.
Oh, no, he's not going anymore.
His dad had some work thing come up.
What is that awful sound? Sounds like a dying donkey.
Takes people years to learn how to play one of these things.
Suckers! - What's with the vacuum cleaner? - They're bagpipes.
The traditional instrument of my mother country Scotland.
I thought you weren't going? I wasn't but the first class tickets were non-refundable.
So I convinced my parents to let me turn them into Five coach tickets.
Which means we're all going to Scotland! We're going to Scotland! Oh, I've always wanted to learn how to play the bagpipes.
We're staying with my grandfather at our family Castle.
And we can even wear kilts! - What's a kilt? - It's like a skirt for men.
I'm in.
Hey, Jack, I think you're blowing too much air into that.
No, I'm trying to build up the pressure.
It's all clogged.
Sorry.
- Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Thank you for picking us up from the airport, grandpa McKrupnick.
We could have taken a cab.
No! Then we would have missed the eight-hour ride in the manure wagon.
You're here at an exciting time.
Tonight we have the banquet.
And tomorrow We start the great games! What's that smell? Grandma's made her famous snouts.
Ooh! Mmm.
I'll say it.
This is the best snout I've ever had.
- So what are the great games? - Well They're a friendly competition between the McKrupnicks and the McCrarys They only other clan in the valley.
It's to commemorate the end of the feud between our two families.
- Why were you feuding? - Ooh, never ask that question! We swore to never ever speak about the incident again! - I'm sorry.
I won't ever - 'Twas a foggy night Many generations ago When the Devil's own Fergus McCrary came on our land! And he stole our only donkey! But 100 years ago, we finally made peace.
Mm-hmm.
Guys, I still can't believe we're at a real Castle.
The McKrupnicks have lived here for over 400 years.
And that handmade stained glass window Tells the entire history of the McKrupnick clan.
It's easily our most valuable piece of I told you kids not to play ball out there! Yo, grandpa McMuffler Where's the Loch Ness place where the monster lives? Jerry, I've told you it was just a story that was made up to bring in tourists.
Oh, no no! I've seen Nessy with my own eyes.
It was on a night just like this.
In the lake - Behind our Castle.
- Wha? Rudy, do you realize how much money we can make if we get a picture of her? Oh, please.
You don't really believe in that thing, do you? Get your camera.
Meet me in the boat in five minutes.
Okay.
Why did you make up that story? Everyone knows Nessy isn't real.
Well, I had to get rid of them.
That Rudy's a wrecking ball! And the other one, he's gonna be tootin' snouts all night.
Dude! Dude dude dude.
Ah, I see Nessy.
Oh, beady eyes, scaly skin.
Man, she is ugly! You're looking at me.
Give me those! We've been looking for Nessy for hours.
Let's try a different part of the lake.
Stupid motor won't turn over.
Give me that hammer.
I'll get it started.
Okay, here.
Told you I'd get it started.
Look under the bench and see if you can find some paddles.
Hmm, let's see.
Food.
Water.
Flares.
Ah, spare engine.
Ah! Uh, no paddles.
That's it! Rudy Rudy! Chill.
You're gonna tip the boat over! You're right.
On the eve of the great games, I'd like to welcome everyone to this feast.
Celebrating the peace between the two families.
The McKrupnicks And the McCrarys.
Hey, who's this big guy over here? Oh, that's Angus McCrary, the strongest McCrary of them all.
Yeah, he looks pretty big, but sometimes size has nothing to do with Oh, yeah, no, he's ridiculously strong.
Guys, we're in Scotland, okay? Let's get out there and have some fun.
Dance.
Oh, uh, I'm good, thanks.
I'm not much of a - Wasn't a question.
- Whoa! Rudy, you think we'll ever get to see Nessy? If we see her, I am eating her.
I am starving! I don't think there's any fish down there.
Yo, Rudy! Rudy, check it out.
Look.
There's a fish out there.
What's in your mouth? Nothing.
You've been eating cookies.
You disgust me! Rudy, I'm sorry.
I don't want something as stupid as a cookie to come between us.
No! That's it! I'd like to thank the McCrarys for coming.
And I'd also like to acknowledge my grandson.
And his friends who came all the way here If I could just say a few words here.
What a special evening.
Two families coming together and forgetting their differences.
And to think, it all started over a donkey.
A donkey that was stolen from us by a McCrary.
How dare you! We did not steal your donkey.
It belonged to us.
Uh, I think what's important here is How can it be your donkey if we owned it? - Uh, you know, since - You cannot own a stolen donkey! That is a very sound legal position The feud is back on.
No no no no no.
Not the feud.
We can't have another hundred years of fighting.
The boy's right.
- Indeed he is.
- Of course I am.
So whichever family loses the games shall be banished from the valley forever! What?! Who banishes anymore? That's so 1800s I will see you on the field of battle! - Aye! - Aye! I really gotta learn to shut my yapper.
Guys, this is all my fault.
What am I gonna do? There's nothing you can do.
Your family's giving up and running away.
Krupnicks aren't really built for running.
What we do is more of a brisk mosey.
I've gotta try something.
McKrupnicks, listen up.
Oh! Blabby McBlab-blab has something to say! I'm not giving up our Castle without a fight.
I'll go face the McCrarys alone if I have to.
Even Angus.
He won't be alone.
I'll be with him.
And I'll be with him too.
Why would you fight for our family? Because Milton's more than our friend.
He's our family.
You know, like that weird cousin who you know will never get married.
Thanks for that, Kim.
You three have the hearts of Lions.
And I'm proud to consider you my family.
McKrupnicks Raise your swords.
To honor.
To courage.
To victory! I ripped my little skirt off, didn't I? The McCrarys are here for battle.
The McKrupnicks are here for battle.
I seem to have found a hard patch here.
Here for battle! Here for battle! Got it! Oh.
Thanks.
All right, Kim.
This is your event.
The Castle door flip.
It's a test of strength.
That Castle door weighs over 200 pounds.
Lift it and flip it over.
Just watch Megan.
Just so you know, Jack, I have full intentions of hugging you.
Ha.
Well, thanks, but I'm not much of a huger.
Oh, don't worry.
I'll do all the work.
You know, uh, that door looks kinda heavy.
- You really think I can do this? - Sure you can.
You have a lower center of gravity.
It's all mind over matter.
Come on, you're a black belt.
You know what? You're right.
Okay.
All right, Kim.
Come on, Kim.
You can do this.
Lift with your legs, come on.
- Come on.
- Here we go, here we go.
You're doing well, you're doing well.
Lift lift lift lift! Yes yes! She's getting it! Yes! Did I win? - You all right there, Kim? - Yeah, I think so, why? Oh, I don't know.
You're looking a little pancake-ish.
You've been staring at me like that all night.
What are you thinking about? Oh.
Nothing.
I don't like the way you're looking at me.
What are you thinking about? Nothing.
I can't take it anymore.
You look delicious! Huh! Look at that.
We did have a paddle.
This is the chop and climb.
Using nothing but two climbing axes, you race to the top.
First one to ring the bell wins.
This is all upper body strength, Jack.
You should be good at this.
I got this.
Hey, uh, I hear you're pretty good.
Check this out.
Yeah, not very impressive.
Ah, see, now that is impressive.
Yes! Come on down, Jack.
I got a victory prize for you.
Uh, I'm good, Megan.
I'm just gonna stay up here and enjoy the view.
All right, I'll just wait down here for you.
Quiet as a wee church mouse.
Whoa! Ah, look who came down to see me.
Uh no.
Kickin' it with you! Hey, Jerry.
You know how the Wasabi code tells us to never say "die".
Yeah.
I love that message.
It's time to say die.
Oh, Jerry, I'm gonna miss you.
Me too.
Quit your blubbering! You're scaring me clams.
Rudy! Rudy, we're in like three feet of water.
It's not deep at all.
- We're gonna live? - Yeah.
We're gonna live! We're gonna live! Let's never fall for something like that again.
Absolutely! Loch Ness Monster.
Did you two hear? They spotted the Scottish Sasquatch in the piney forest.
Right over there.
Yeah, like we're gonna fall for that.
Scottish Sasquatch.
Okay.
Well, I can finally get back to me clamming in peace.
All right, it's all tied up.
It's up to Milton, how does this event work? Milton just has to get that 400-pound boulder across the line faster than Angus! I'm gonna go finish packing.
Look, Milton, we gave it our best shot.
- Hang on.
- Let it go, buddy.
It's over.
Hang on, hang on.
No, it's not.
I can do this.
I can beat Angus.
The rules don't say I have to carry the boulder.
I just have to get it across the finish line.
And that helps because Because of physics.
There's a six-degree slope to the field, so if I can get the boulder off the pedestal, inertia will carry it across the finish line.
You know what the number one law in physics is.
You know I don't.
An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
- Oh.
- Yeah! So you understand? - No.
- Not even a little.
Boys, take your positions.
Good luck, little man.
Oh.
Good luck to you too, Angus.
Let's go, Milton.
It's too heavy.
He can't move it.
Wait.
I think he's doing it.
It's moving! Yeah! - Go go! - Go! Come on, Angus! Get up! Get up, you big ox! Get up! Push it! Push it, you beanpole! He can't get up.
The boulder's on his leg.
Come on, Angus! Get up! Get up! - Push it! - Push! It's right there, push! - Come on! - Push! - Come on, Milton, go! - Push it, Milton! - Push! Push! - You're almost there! - What's he doing? - I don't know.
Come, McKrupnick.
We'll cross the line together.
But there can only be one winner.
We cross together or I don't cross at all.
The McKrupnicks have to leave the valley! No! They're not going anywhere! I couldn't have done it without a McKrupnick.
Milton and I both won.
That's the way it should be.
Our two families are stronger together than we are apart.
The boys are right.
Any bad blood between us should be buried forever.
Let's start right now.
Would you like come with me to a show tomorrow night? I have tickets for Lady Gaga! - The Gaga! - Yeah! I love The Gaga! All right, Megan.
Bring it in.
You had your chance, pretty boy.
I found someone else I like better.
Kickin' it with you! How'd you get those snouts past customs? Oh, I hid them in my shorts.
You want one? Wow, Rudy.
You really like wearing that skirt, don't you? For the thousandth time, it's not a skirt.
This kilt is like the manliest thing you can wear.
It's been worn by Kings, Knights, Warriors.
I'm gonna go eat my pizza out in the courtyard and show it off.
Wow, look at the way he's strutting around.
Do you think he sees the guy with the leaf blower? Nope! Didn't see him.