Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s03e05 Episode Script

-What are you doing here? -Seeing a movie with Jimmy.
I think it's oddly coincidental that out of all the movies playing in all the movie theaters, we end up at the same one at the same time.
I think that it shows how we have the same tastes.
-I walked out.
-So did l.
Jimmy loved it.
I walked out because the plot was just warmed-over Bambi without the political subtext.
You? I fell asleep.
What difference does it make why I walked out? Because I think it shows how we look at the same thing differently.
I think we're completely in sync.
oh, yeah.
We're so in sync that when you broke up with me for my own good you figured I'd probably know it was for the best because we're so in sync.
We're about as in sync as the English in a Japanese horror film.
Lois, I was wrong and I admitted it.
You can't stay mad.
oh, yes, I can.
You can fly, I can stay mad.
It's a gift.
Hi, Lois.
Michelle.
Clark, meet Michelle and Arnold Sitkowitz, my neighbors.
You make an adorable couple.
I hope you'll be as happy as Arnold and me.
Ten years and never a cross word.
-Well, it's getting late.
-Yeah.
See you tomorrow.
Nice meeting you.
Ten years.
Arnold and Michelle Sitkowitz.
Where did that come from? Look, Arnold, a burning bush.
Do not be afraid.
You have been chosen.
Chosen for what? -You do have an alibi for last night? -Alibi? Why do I need an alibi? That lady.
With the cop.
Michelle Sitkowitz's sister, Louise.
She lives across town.
The Sitkowitzes were supposed to be there last night.
They play poker every Thursday.
Is there anything in this building you don't find out about? No.
Anyway, Arnold and Michelle never made it.
Maybe they went someplace else last night.
Louise and Michelle are close.
Michelle would've called.
-Excuse me.
-Anyway, Louise got worried so she came over here last night, and the Sitkowitzes never came home.
What? That's right.
Vanished.
That's so weird.
I just introduced them to Clark.
Happiest couple I have ever met besides you and Clark from time to time.
-I hope Louise doesn't mind me butting in.
-What can you do? I'm a reporter.
I can make some noise about this.
People disappear in this city all the time and nobody seems to care.
I'm not gonna let that happen to Arnold and Michelle.
I've unpacked some brownies for now and I'm putting the rest in the freezer.
And my homemade applesauce is in the fridge.
Mom, every time you guys visit me, you bring me enough food for the winter.
Well, it's what we do, honey.
Care for our boy with his favorite food, good advice and unconditional support.
No big deal.
I wish the rest of the world worked that way.
I mean, a guy makes one, admittedly big, mistake and bam.
The door slams closed in his face and the Supreme Court isn't hearing any appeals.
Trouble with Lois, huh? Remember that great idea I had about breaking up with Lois because being close to me put her at risk? Y eah, we were afraid that wouldn't sit too well.
I mean, don't you think she's making a mountain out of a molehill here? Frankly, Clark, I have to go with Lois on this one.
-Dad? -I have to go with your mother.
It's not supposed to work like this.
You guys are my parents.
Side with me.
We do take your side, in the big picture.
We want you to be happy, and Lois makes you happy.
Unless you make her unhappy and then she makes you unhappy and that makes us unhappy.
Son Iove and marriage are a partnership.
Both people are equal in that partnership.
Bottom line, they make their decisions together.
What are you saying, I should go crawling back on my hands and knees? No, honey.
Fly back.
It's faster.
Chief, I really do wanna devote some time to the Sitkowitz disappearance.
So you said, Lois, and I'm sure your neighbors are lovely people -but it's not exactly hard news.
-I think it is.
out of the 531 people missing last year do you realize that a large percentage of them are married couples? You're reaching, Lois.
oh, man, Larry Smiley.
Well, howdy, howdy, howdy.
.
And welcome to all you.
.
-Larry Smiley? Isn't he the guy that runs that place, the lnstitute of Love and Dependence? Commitment.
Love and Commitment.
This man's a visionary.
Alice and I went on his retreat.
Sure opened our eyes.
.
.
basic steps that I learned at the knee of my beloved mama who made her marriage a true romance.
Sit back and listen to my guests, and they'll tell you the straight poop.
Michelle and Arnold, howdy.
That's them.
That's Michelle and Arnold.
Well, she told me she taped something last month, I had no idea it was this.
I was hoping that you might share with us how my principles on equal.
opportunity lovingness have affected your life.
Well, Larry, Arnold and I always thought we had the perfect marriage.
Ten years and never a cross word.
But thanks to your lessons of sharing and unity, we are unified in our sharing.
-Sounds like they really believe in this guy.
-Y eah.
Y eah.
You know, without Larry, my marriage would've been a shutout.
As it is, we' re heading into extra innings.
Morning, chief.
Lois.
-Listen, I can come back.
-No, no, no.
Just a minute.
I've been meaning to talk to you two.
Now, I can't help but notice the chill going on between you two.
If you need a friendly ear to bend, I'm it.
But just don't let whatever it is hurt your work.
-okay? -Chief, I think Clark and l are both professional enough to behave -professionally.
-Good, because partners need to know -they can count on each other.
-Superman! Help! Cover for each other.
Gee, would you look at the time.
I gotta go get.
Chunko chocolate monster chip ice cream.
Go, before they sell out.
You know, that boy will walk on water for you.
or he'd drown trying.
Here you go.
-Hi.
Where you off to? -The interview.
-What interview? -Didn't I tell you? You're hardly speaking to me.
This is one of those things you hardly spoke about.
I wanna talk to the friends and family of the missing couples see if we can find any common links.
I'm due at Emerson's Cafe at noon.
Lois, I'm kind of busy.
Excuse me.
-oh, isn't he something? -Yeah.
Thanks to him, the sisters and l will still be able to bring our toy collection to the orphanage.
Superman is a national treasure.
You know, it's just wonderful being angry at a national treasure.
Lois, I can't help it.
People like me.
I help them.
-You used to like me.
-I still like you.
I'm just upset.
Even though it's your fault, I feel like it's mine.
Good old Clark, good old Superman, crabby old Lois.
And even if I could tell someone, which I can't they'd still think you were the good guy and I was the bad.
Can you hang on? Sisters, look! He's saving the toys from being scorched.
of course.
Bless you.
I'm sorry, you were saying? Nothing.
I'm gonna be a professional and go to the interview and internalize my feelings so I get an ulcer the size of Cleveland.
Women.
Earth women.
I guess you didn't have any trouble parking.
-oh, Mr.
Hansen-- -Lois Lane.
Good to meet you.
Mr.
Hansen here says that his brother and sister-in-law vanished last month.
They were struggling artists, married a year.
They moved here from Dayton.
So they had nothing in common with the Sitkowitzes.
They didn't by chance have a wonderful, seemingly perfect marriage, did they? -oh, no, not at all.
-lt was worth a shot.
In fact, until two months ago lnga spoke of divorce and moving back to Dayton.
What changed her mind? -A place called the Larry Smiley lnstitute.
-For Love and Commitment? -They went there? -They said that this Smiley fellow restored their relationship.
He rebuilt their trust in each other and promised them a hopeful future.
And then they disappeared.
What is this? What do you want with us? oh, no.
oh, my God.
Michelle! Hi.
Come see these.
Got hold of a group photo of the Sitkowitzes at the lnstitute and the Hansens with their group.
I had the computer narrow missing persons for the past two years down to missing married couples.
If we cross-reference the names on these pictures with missing couples maybe we can find some matches.
Is this the kind of conversation we're gonna have from now on? -I'll go cross-reference these.
-Lois.
Here.
Four matches.
From these two photos, four couples have vanished in the past two years.
Who knows how many have disappeared from the lnstitute.
-I mean, Perry, you might even be at risk.
-oh, come on, now, Lois.
If there was something sinister, you don't think a news hound like myself -wouldn't sense it? -Maybe it's really well hidden, chief.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Possibly.
Anyway, if you wanted to nose around, it would have to be kind of an undercover, sniff-it-out type of thing.
-That's not what I was getting at.
-You know, as a matter of fact I could make arrangements for you to go on retreat as a married couple.
oh no.
No, no.
That's just not a good idea.
-Not at this time, chief.
-Why? Surely not for personal reasons.
Because you both said nothing would stand in the way of your professionalism.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Just don't think it's a good idea.
oh, okay.
Well, your sentiments are duly noted.
Don't you guys think you should get out of here and pack? Each of our guests goes by the name of an animal species symbolic of the primal urge to mate and further the species.
Larry wants two of every kind.
You guys will be known as the Hawks.
They mate for life.
-What were the Sitkowitzes called? -The Badgers.
Here we are.
I'll just jot your name here on the doorway and we'll be on our way.
-Nope.
-What? We don't like this cabin.
We don't? Honey, it faces east.
The winds are from the south.
You know how you get.
oh, yes.
I get ugly.
Really ugly.
okay.
This way.
Sir, I'm running out of cabins.
Perhaps this one will do.
Yes.
This will be just fine.
Won't it, pumpkin? Yep.
Fine.
Fine.
Enjoy your stay.
Hope things work out.
okay, what was that all about? You said the Sitkowitzes were the Badgers, right? Well.
-This was their cabin? -I thought it might be useful.
-Lois, your dress.
-That's okay.
I'll change.
So this is where they slept.
Arnold probably sat right in that chair, happy he came here.
Michelle probably sat at this desk scared of something, writing her sister.
Boy, this wood is so soft.
You can see years of imprints of writing.
Hey, Clark.
Do you think that you could lift out Michelle's handwriting from the others? You know, using your vision gizmo? Lois, "vision gizmo" doesn't sound particularly cool, you know.
Y eah.
-Got it.
This is where she wrote it.
-Anything else? She said in the letter Smiley scared her.
There's one other thing.
"Kathy, 4:30, meditation tree.
" Who's Kathy? Male and Female Hawk? Your bags.
-Good, I gotta change.
Thanks.
-Larry Smiley's waiting.
-The first session's starting now.
-Wait a minute.
Where's my suitcase? Where's my suitcase? Harmonicity.
Well, you can put away your Funk & Wagnalls, folks.
That ain't English.
It's what I call a Larryism.
Harmonicity is a blend, if you will, of complementary desires.
And as my dear mama would say, that's exactly what Mother Nature intended for marriage to be.
Now, how about it, folks? We got harmonicity? Yeah.
Heck, then, let's all take hands.
Smile on yourselves.
oh, Mama, I can feel it.
I feel the harmony.
I feel the love.
It's not like I did it on purpose.
-My bag was there, right on the stoop.
-I thought you put it in the car.
You know, maybe subconsciously you have some need to-- -Hi.
-Male and Female Hawk.
And not a moment too soon.
No, no, no, stay standing.
Let's get right to work.
You know, around here we speak bluntspeak.
And that is a what? -Larryism.
-Right you are, Female Lemur.
And bluntly speaking, you two have got to stop dressing alike.
Look at yourself, honey.
Do you hate your feminine side? -What? No.
-No, she's very feminine.
Now, see, this is what I call the "echo pattern.
" She says something, you just gotta chime in.
That the way it works? -No.
-of course not.
Son, don't allow this.
You gotta sing your own song.
It takes two tones for.
Harmonicity.
Harmonicity.
Please be seated.
Let's all close our eyes and go to that safe place where we find our own pure tone.
It's a really great group this week.
They're really catching on.
-It's Kathy.
-Larry.
Larry, Female Hawk is whispering.
Female Hawk, you are riding on a horse called domination and you won't get off.
Does she need a time-out? Yes! Step outside, Female Hawk.
Don't you return until you're singing with the choir.
Really? Do I have to? Shucks.
You know something? You got a tiger by the tail there, boy.
Tell me about it.
Kathy? -oh, hi, Female Hawk.
-Hi.
We're having a great time.
Some friends of ours recommended it.
Arnold and Michelle Sitkowitz.
Wonderful people.
-Ever get a chance to talk to them? -No, never.
I don't know them.
Are you sure? Because I thought they mentioned you.
No, I don't know them.
Fire.
Symbol of light where there was darkness.
Warmth where there was cold.
And most assuredly, purification of the impure.
You hear that, Kathy? Betraying my trust would be an awfully impure thing to do.
-Larry, I'd never betray your trust.
-Wouldn't you, honey? You real sure about that? You mess with fire, you're gonna get burned.
Hear that? The phone.
Hello.
Y es, sir, boss.
Smiley here.
You don't say.
I know you're busy, sir.
Yeah, say hi to everyone for me.
And bless you too, sir.
Yep.
Yep, that was God, everybody.
And God has news.
Seems everybody in heaven is talking about us.
Everybody in heaven is saying that them Smiley people are gonna be the rulers of the New Dawn.
That's what I promised you, isn't it? Yes.
A place by my side in a better world.
Boys and girls, a new day is at hand.
The countdown has begun.
Darling, did you hear? We're almost there.
The New Dawn.
Meet you for bacon and eggs.
Jimmy, if the photos don't come, tell them to lock down the front page and roll them.
oh, brother, where is she? -I thought you hated the symphony.
-I do, Jimmy.
That's why I'm standing here in a monkey suit waiting for my wife, who loves the symphony.
And with whom I am on very thin ice.
So I can plunk down a thousand smackers for bad seats on charity opening night.
Now, son, when you get married, this will all make perfect sense.
Right.
-oh, hi, dumpling.
-Hello, Mrs.
White.
-Chief, I'm gonna stay till we roll.
-okay, bud.
Thank you.
Judas priest.
What the sam hill's going on here? Alice? Jimmy! Scared to death.
I just mentioned the Sitkowitz name, Kathy turned white as a ghost.
Well, I scanned the whole area.
There's no sight or sound of them.
So either they're not here or they're in a lead-lined room.
or they're dead.
-This is not a bed.
-No, this is a bed.
-Actually, it's a very large bed.
-This is business.
Yeah.
You think I can't handle this? I can.
I can handle this just fine.
Your life is so strange.
And getting stranger by the minute.
Lois, flying for me is a piece of cake.
I've been doing it since high school.
What happens if I screw up? Lose a little altitude? But being in a relationship it's completely new.
If I blow this I lose everything.
oh, Clark, I'm not actually as good at romance as I look.
Really? I mean, my life's basically been about work.
I'm just trying to figure this out like you are.
So we'll help each other.
-I don't always respond appropriately.
-Neither do l.
And I don't always know how to express how I feel.
And I get tongue-tied sometimes.
But I do know you broke my heart.
And you just have to let me work that out.
You can't expect me to just snap out of it.
I will.
And I don't.
-Good night, Lois.
-Good night, Clark.
What are you doing? -Can you please get off of me.
-I would if you'd just hold still.
Hey, pal, been there.
-lt was an accident.
-Falling from floating? -That's not possible.
-I guess you're better at it than I am? All right.
All right.
I got scared.
Let's just calm down.
It's okay.
It's just a rock.
You know, I sleep like a baby in Metropolis.
What is so relaxing about the stupid mountains? It says, "Meet me at the meditation tree tomorrow at midnight.
" Signed, "Guess Who.
" If this is some pathetic bid for notoriety, let me just tell you something right now.
The Daily Planet does not deal with kidnappers.
Greetings, Male Wombat.
Things okay with you and Female Wombat? Yeah.
Sure.
Larry where's Alice? Is this some kind of a spot progress check or something? Because let me tell you, you've taken years off my life here.
You'll gain them all back in the New Dawn.
-The new what? -It's where we're all going.
All the most promising graduates of the Larry Smiley lnstitute for Love and Commitment.
I got me two of every kind.
Farmers, doctors, lawyers and you.
Why, you of all people should see where I'm heading.
Y eah.
A little quiet room with rubber on the walls.
-Don't rile me, I'll leave you to drown.
-Drown? Didn't I mention? I'm flooding the earth.
Well.
Okay.
I'll just grab Alice and be on my way.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate-- God has made it real clear what I gotta do.
Start over.
Get rid of everyone except for the chosen, of course.
Larry, Larry, stay with me, now.
You can't flood the earth.
It's not possible, Larry.
one of the advantages of healing the famous and the accomplished is that the little devils are capable of building the doggonest contraptions.
Behold, the Aquaplus 1 000 storm maker.
Neat, huh? Damn it, man.
Where's Alice? I wanna see her, please.
oh, my gosh.
What have you done to her, man? Suspended animation.
Her life signs are hovering just above death.
But, like all the others, she'll be revived as soon as the waters recede and the New Dawn breaks.
Clark? My, you' re really racking up the frequent-flier miles.
-That was sweet.
-I know.
Group time.
Ready? Superman.
Female Hawk, you know Superman? oh, well, yeah, kind of.
We have the same dentist.
Clark? Clark? You gonna be out of the shower soon? Superman's leaving.
oh, you know what would be so great? Superman could join our session.
-Superman's here? -So many people here could benefit from your fairness and wisdom.
-I have to get going.
I'm very late.
-He's gotta get going.
Isn't your job to help people in need? I just want Brian to make me feel validated, is all.
You want validation, go to a parking lot.
This is the same argument we've been having for weeks.
I take a job for more money and better benefits and she complains because we didn't discuss it.
The job is in Tibet.
All I am saying is we should've talked this through.
-I hear you there.
-Female Hawk, must you? Sorry.
-She is a challenge.
-okay, so maybe I was rash.
I said I was sorry.
I only had our best interest at heart.
It's none of my business.
Sorry.
Superman, what do you think? Well, I'm no expert.
But if you really care about someone and they make a mistake because they're only human, after all, then they sincerely apologize I think you forgive them.
A mistake's one thing, but this is a whole attitude.
Just because somebody says "l love you" it doesn't put them in charge of your whole life.
True.
But saying "l love you" does mean that I would never hurt you on purpose.
And maybe I'll make more mistakes along the way, just as you will.
But we'll learn from them and move on.
Hear, hear.
Son, you pack a lot of horse sense in them tight britches.
Thank you.
I really do have to go.
You guys keep up the good work.
-Finally got the poison oak under control.
-You missed it.
He was wonderful.
What did you think? I thought he made some interesting points.
You know, I don't think this group-therapy stuff is so bad.
I thought the wild applause was a bit excessive.
And you're convinced this note's from Kathy? Y eah.
I think she wanted to tell us what she never got to tell Michelle Sitkowitz.
Unless it's a hoax.
Or a trap.
Maybe she just got cold feet.
oh, boy.
Lois, it's Kathy.
She's dead.
Well, I always knew that little girl had troubles.
Many's the time when her tears washed down my shoulders.
But suicide? Who would've ever thought it? It's ancient.
T orn from a book.
I can read a lot of languages, but-- It looks kind of like Hebrew, but I can't make it out.
She must've had some reason for wanting us to see it.
Which one of these books you think it came from? None of them.
They're all too new.
There might be something in that next room.
What next room? Smiley must work in here.
There are files divided into piles marked "accepted" and "rejected " candidates.
Candidates for what? Clark, we're in the "rejected " pile.
Lois, don't you think that's probably a good thing? Well, I'd like to feel wanted.
Smiley says we're not compatible.
He says I don't trust or respect you and he doesn't know why you even put up with me.
-Lois, the guy's a murderer.
-of course I trust you.
And I respect you more than anyone else I've ever met.
And, you know, if I do get angry, it's only because I've never opened up to somebody so much in my whole life, and it hurts me when I feel like that trust isn't returned.
And you put up with me for the same reason I put up with you.
It's because I'm completely in love with you.
And I love you.
-Did we just make up? -I think so.
Could we maybe do this someplace that's not so musty and not owned by a killer? I think I just found the book that this page came from.
There.
It's a perfect fit.
But probably a dead language.
We're gonna need an expert to read this.
Well, we won't be able to find an expert at 2:00 in the morning.
Star.
You could take it to Star.
Star? Anything? Lois says you can call up voices from the past, get them to speak through you.
Clark, honey.
I know you're real stressed and you want this to work.
But you gotta do me a itty-bitty favor.
-Sure, anything.
What? -Shut up.
Come on, Clark.
Where are you? Well, come in.
Why are you so late? Jimmy.
I tried calling, but you're not allowed calls.
I climbed the fence.
What's wrong? What are you doing? It's the chief.
The last time I saw him, he went to a concert with Alice.
They never made it home, and he didn't come to work.
oh, God.
I bet it was Smiley.
okay, folks.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Your arm's too short to box with God.
We're on a schedule here.
one more box and let's go.
Smiley and those people are abandoning camp.
over here, guys.
over here.
Let's get that stuff unloaded.
All right, folks.
Let's show some hustle.
The game is on.
Well, folks, this is it.
Liftoff.
T minus zero.
Anchors aweigh.
We only await the sign.
oh, I hate waiting for the phone to ring, don't you? There it is.
Hello.
Yep, it's him.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
All systems are go, sir.
Well, thank you, and vaya con Dios to you too, sir.
It's gonna be a heck of a storm, boys and girls.
Forty days and 40 nights.
The flood will wipe out all mankind but for that which floats with us in the ark.
-Man, that's just like Waterworld.
-only cheaper.
Darling, we're about to be joined together once more.
Hello, Mama.
Boy, this guy's got real problems.
I am the citizen Landicus, philosopher and prophet.
Who seeketh me? I do.
Seeker, eager for an exchange of thought and prophesy? Well, actually, no, citizen Landicus.
I wanted to know if you could read this piece of paper.
Lois.
All right, look lively, folks.
Let's load them up.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Here's a candidate who didn't make the cut.
Female Hawk, I distinctly recall eliminating you from the New Dawn.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm definitely not worthy.
Jimmy, let's just go.
I can see we're gonna have to do a whole lot better job of eliminating.
The language is ancient.
Aramaic.
It is a passage from what you call the Dead Sea Scrolls.
"The end of all flesh is come before me and the earth is filled with violence through them, and behold I will destroy them from the earth.
They entered the Ark, male and female, and the Lord shut them in--" -This is the story of Noah and his Ark? -Verily.
Smiley's nabbing couples.
He said he wants two of every kind.
oh, man, Smiley thinks he's Noah.
This storm is the daddy of them all, folks.
I sure wouldn't wanna be anywhere near a lightning rod.
But then, that's just me.
-You don't think he can flood the earth? -No, Jimmy.
It's this turning-us-into-toast thing that's got me worried.
All right.
Well, since this is it, I'm gonna confess that-- Well, I used to have a little crush on you.
In fact, I had this dream.
--and then you took my hand and said, "Jimmy, I can make a man of you.
" Thanks.
Lois, panic makes a man say some strange things sometimes and I was wondering if you could sort of forget what l-- Trust me.
All right, Smiley.
Shut it off.
You can't stop this.
This day has been foretold.
only by you, Smiley.
And that's not enough.
No! Just brilliant.
Now you've ruined everything.
That machine was the source of all power in the New Dawn.
It was supposed to bring them back.
Now they'll all die.
-Michelle.
-Arnold.
-olsen.
Late edition? Get put to bed? -Y eah, chief, it did.
Alice? Alice, are you all right, honey? oh, Mama.
Please forgive me.
oh, Mama.
Lawrence, you have been a very naughty boy.
Smiley had given up on people finding happiness together.
I haven't.
Have you? No.
But we keep messing up.
Why is that? Well, first of all, people mess up.
And I think adjusting to the whole idea of marriage, along with everything else we've been going through, is just making us both a little nuts.
-So? -So maybe we should just take a little break from the whole idea of marriage.
Not even say the M word.
And just be in love.
I can do that.
It's a lot of pressure, this "forever" thing.
It's not the M word that makes it forever for me, Lois.
My love is forever because.
Because it just is.