Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s03e05 Episode Script
Series 3, Episode 5
What do you think? All this time I never knew there were three Gs in Glenbogle.
- What? - Like the three Rs in stirrer? Let's try to keep this constructive, shall we? What we're after is blanket coverage- which means plastering these all over the glen.
Invasion of the oiks, that's what it means.
We haven't got much time.
It's going to be hard work.
Between us- hands full, kitchening.
I've already promised Golly that I'd be about.
Right, it's just us two then.
Sorry, I've this morning's post to sort through.
Put it down, dear, before you do yourself an injury.
What's all this? Do say you like it, Archie.
It's our contribution to the big day.
We thought we'd call it "the Dungeon Experience.
" The visitors could come down here, then we could give them a turn in the manacles, and then tell them terrible tales of incarceration and despair.
All for a modest fee, of course.
- Mother, it's brilliant.
- Thank you.
Of course, I can't take all the credit.
You father did some work.
Least he could do, considering it was his fault the bridge collapsed.
- It wasn't my fault.
- Hector, please.
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
There's a lot of research to do here if I'm going to get this notice board filled out in time.
Arch, try these manacles on, they're great fun.
You don't think you're going to find anyone daft enough to put those things on, do you? Ah, Duncan ( theme music playing ) At least we know they work.
Not if we can't unlock them, they don't.
- It's a bit stiff, that's all.
- Careful, you'll bend it.
All right, don't panic.
You know what we need? - Help? - Lubricating oil.
Stay right where you are.
( slaps ) Ahem! You look dazzling this morning.
I like to make an effort for my man.
( laughs ) So when are you going to lift me out of this life of drudgery? Maybe sooner than you think.
Oh, aye? Tell me more.
Stick with me, cinders, I'll make you queen of the highlands.
After what happened to the last one, I think I'll pass.
I'm not interrupting anything, am I? No, we're talking about people getting their heads chopped off.
A tradition I'm personally all for reviving.
Like the one about a fair day's work for a fair day's pay? Getting a pay raise, am I? I was expecting you a quarter of an hour ago.
Whatever you wanted, it had better be good.
I've got a lot on today.
It's much better than good.
After you.
Mr.
MacDonald.
Oh, Councilor Ayling.
The big day dawns, eh? I hope you'll be along.
It should be quite an event.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I'm impressed.
You've done very well.
- Thank you.
- Pass my congratulations on to Mr.
Mclntosh, too.
He's done a great job with that bridge.
There's more to come.
We're behind him with the plans for the development.
- What development? - Boglecroft.
- Boglecroft? - It's got a ring to it, don't you think? Let me get this straight.
You want to buy that mountain, Ben Bogle, and turn it into some sort of holiday resort? You got it in one.
If you want my advice, I'd stick to what you know.
I'm not planning on being a building supplier all my life.
And this this just can't fail.
The estate gets a lump of cash, which I make back in timeshare, and you earn brownie points with the bank.
Everybody's happy.
Say I was interested, what sort of figures are we talking about? I could certainly offer 200,000.
250,000, and we might be in the same ballpark.
( thunder rumbles ) Looking for anything in particular? Oh, no, no.
I was just looking around.
What are these for? Castrating bull calves.
- What's your problem? - No-no problem.
There is no problem.
It's just a mechanical hitch in the dungeon.
there's nothing to worry about.
Lubricates the parts other oils can't reach.
It's a little more serious than rusty steel.
Quite frankly, what I need is some kind of hacksaw.
Hacksaw? There you go.
Tungsten carbide.
Cuts like a hot knife through butter.
A hot knife? all right, that's just the ticket.
Watch yourself.
Molly: Oh, sorry.
- Good book, is it? - Ripping read.
The story of Ian Mclntosh, the dashing bird man of Glenbogle.
I think I'll wait to see the film.
You know he was the only man ever to escape from our impregnable dungeon.
- When was it? - 1493.
Shame, I'd like to have asked him how he did it.
This would make the perfect tale for my notice board.
The problem is, it's a complete mystery.
Listen- "the day of his escape, Mclntosh and a small band of accomplices were discovered by the MacDonald search party, somewhere in the Glenbogle hills.
The battle of pairc na truit gailleach was swift and brutal.
Mclntosh fought valiantly, but he was weak from starvation and he was cut down on the bloody field.
The secret of his escape died with him.
" Stirring stuff, isn't it? I prefer a good Jackie Collins, myself.
Stuart: This is only an artist's impression of the complex.
But it's pretty much how I see Boglecroft.
And these are profit projections for the first five years.
Based on a 10% increase in occupancy - over each 12-month period - I'm impressed.
I also have outline planning permission from the council.
If you can deliver on these promises - we might have a deal.
- Excellent.
An historic moment: A Mclntosh makes a killing on MacDonald land.
We can't do anything without talking to Archie.
He can't put the kibosh on it, can he? You call the shots, right? I have to consult with him out of courtesy.
But while the bank's in charge, yes, I call the shots.
( honking ) Steady on, you nearly ran me down.
I know who I'd like to run down.
What were you planning to do? Build some legoland for adults on my mountain without us noticing? It's not as bad as it sounds.
You're in on this as well? When were you gonna tell me? I just found out.
Hear what he's got to say.
- Go on then.
- Stuart: I'm talking a massive investment.
- That means local jobs and wealth.
- For you, no doubt.
For everyone.
People are falling over themselves to get out of towns and breathe fresh air.
What they don't want is the inconvenience of the country, so we give them a shop, a swimming pool, restaurants, entertainment in the evenings.
But we give it to them on Ben Bogle.
That way, they get the best of both worlds.
It's got pound signs written all over it.
It's got tacky written all over it.
It might go down well at the Costa Del Sol, but not here.
Well said, Archie.
Sell a Mclntosh MacDonald land? Over my dead body.
I'll put that in the contract if you like.
Think how it would boost your visiting figures.
All those people right on your doorstep.
- On my mountain.
- It'd be my mountain.
That's the whole point.
However desperate we get, splitting up the estate is the one thing I do not intend to do.
You'd pay off half of your debt.
We could have sold land anytime we wanted.
It's what I've spent two years trying to avoid.
It's a good offer, Archie.
One that I will fight every step of the way.
Archie: Starting with the council.
With me at his side.
( door slams ) I need a really punchy title for my tale.
How about- "the dashing bird man"? Or, "the tartan pimpernel"? Yes, very good, Lexie.
The problem is, I cannot fathom how he escaped.
If you're thinking about giving up, I could use a hand.
I'll work backwards.
If I can figure out where he was discovered then, I can find out how he escaped.
What do you think, Lexie? hmm? Lexie? Oh, Lexie, you're not getting fond of Stuart, are you? I like him.
Think carefully before you ally yourself to a Mclntosh.
They can be a bad bit.
I'm a serf.
I don't go in for alliances.
It's our relationship, he treats me really well.
At least he doesn't think I'm a skivvy.
I have never thought of you as a skivvy.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I am.
That's what I always will be, if I stay here.
Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the car? You may be the laird, my boy, but I think you'll find that when it comes to dealing with officialdom, the name Hector Naismith MacDonald still carries the greatest weight.
- Archie: there he is.
- Hector: yes.
Marvelous fellow, played 19 holes with him the other day.
This is going to be easier than I thought.
Peter, dear boy.
How are you? ( chuckles ) A word in your ear.
A rather delicate matter I'd like to discuss with you.
Ah, boys, are we drinking to success? - Not quite.
- Was the councilor not responsive? He was until father referred to him as a "jumped-up dictator from the wrong side of the tracks.
" Oh, dear, was it that bad? Worse, the council are backing Boglecroft 100%.
- Traitors.
- Quite.
So any official lines of objection are blocked.
If they weren't beforehand, they certainly are now.
Have you actually looked at this plan properly, or are you getting a sweat up because it was his idea? - It's an intrusion.
- They'll be all over us like ants.
But it's all right when it suits you? You can't wait to relieve people of their cash.
It's not quite the same thing.
All he is guilty of is trying to make something of himself.
Ben Bogle is the preserve of the MacDonalds.
Always has been, always will be.
It's time the rest of us had a turn, eh? People that weren't born with their mouths full of silver spoons.
( door slams ) The time has come for direct action.
I'm not sure that Archie- Golly, the boy needs our help.
He means well, but he's got no experience in the field.
This is a problem that requires two minds and a single malt.
Sorry, Molly, men's talk.
Quite so, now, Golly, pairc na truit gailleach.
Have you any idea what it might mean? It's Gaelic for "the Field of the Three Hags.
" - Which is where? - It's a landmark of some kind.
The three Scotch pines on the high track.
Or those caves at the far end of the loch? Why don't you consult family records? Brilliant.
you see, Hector, despite what people might say, you're not just a pretty face.
What do you want to know for, anyway? Dungeon tour, I think people are going to find a lot more down there than they expected.
- You been here all day? - Aye.
I thought I was gonna be here all night.
Keep a sense of proportion, for heaven's sake.
In the grand scheme of things it's a tiny blip in time.
It may just be a blip in time to you, but my whole day is in a guthole.
Where are you going? Glenbogle is under threat.
We need to make plans.
Well, I'm away.
I've had nothing to eat all day.
That's desertion in my book.
"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few," eh, Golly? Absolutely, boss.
I need you to cast an eye over these letters.
Don't tell me- the Ministry of Defense want to compulsorily purchase and turn us into a submarine base? Please, we have got to work together.
These are requests for patronage from local organizations.
The Women's Institute want to hold their annual garden party here.
Then there's the church fete, the school sports day- - we help when we can.
- Yes, I know, but the hospitality bill would come to a couple of grand.
It's out of the question at the moment, I'm afraid.
A "no" might be better coming from you.
Okay, leave them here.
We wouldn't have this problem if you would just consider Stuart's offer.
Forget it.
If I give in to this soon there'll be nothing left to fight for.
It's only a mountain, Archie.
I grew up on that mountain.
Selling it would be like chopping an arm off.
It's an easy way to clear half your debts.
And half the estate.
I know what would happen.
Next year, when things are tight, we sell little more land.
Then next year, it'd be the same thing.
Would that be bad if it gets the bank off your back? Where would it end, a campsite in the vegetable garden? Crazy golf around my brother's grave? I will make this place pay.
But I do not intend to turn it into a theme park in the process.
- I thought you understood.
- I do understand.
But Boglecroft could be a real lifeline for this place.
Which is why I've recommended it to the bank.
They're all for the idea.
I want to make an announcement at the grand opening, and I'd like you by my side.
Information is power, knowledge is the key.
- Ah? - Surveillance, Hector.
Keep a check on Mclntosh's moves, then head him off at the pass.
Thank heavens I've got you, Golly.
Stand by your man.
- Who is it who said that? - Tammy Wynette.
What do you want? A warmer welcome would be nice.
Did we have a row I don't know about? You could have filled me in - on your plans.
If I had said something to you first, would you have told Archie? No- yeah- I don't know.
Exactly, I'd have put you in an impossible situation.
That's the last thing I want.
I'm not gonna ask you to choose sides, Lex.
You might not pick me.
And I'd rather have half of you than nothing at all.
There is one decision you have to make soon.
- What's that? - Where are you gonna let me take you tomorrow evening? - Meal or movie? - And why not both? Could do, but you'd have to be very nice to me.
I don't feel like doing nice just now.
- you don't mind, do you? - Of course not.
( low growl ) Do you ever take a break? There's a lot to get through.
It happens I've got a spare evening tonight.
You know what they say about all work and no play.
You could do with letting your hair down a bit.
Is that right? Got anything particular in mind? I'm sure together we could come up with something.
I better tell you that my dancing days are over, and I'm not much of a scrabble player.
We could go for a meal, maybe a movie, a drink at my hotel, relax a little- thanks, I think I'm getting the picture, but sorry.
I've got a date with a VAT Return.
Shame.
but hey, can't blame a guy for trying.
Good night.
The quarry is in view, Hector.
Set your sights for the kill.
Hector? Radio: The hound is in the field.
Are you getting me, Hector? Hector? Are you getting me, Hector? Mine, I think.
We need brushes and paste.
We're gonna do some flyer posting.
Sorry, Arch, I've already promised to help Lexie.
Okay, you can do the pasting.
I'm your man.
Golly: Hector? Archie MacDonald, I'm impressed.
We don't usually see your face till 10:00 at the earliest.
I thought I'd take a leaf out of your book.
You know what they say about the early bird? - Which makes me the worm? - ( Duncan snickers ) If we could just pretend to be adults for a second.
I wanted to talk to you about the grand opening.
I thought we could do something special to launch Boglecroft like a sod turning ceremony or- "save Ben Bogle.
Register your protest.
" I said I'd fight you all the way and I meant it.
You'd better look at this.
Local opposition has a habit of snowballing.
I've seen it before.
Who's gonna turn up, pensioners and sheep farmers? - we've already got the council behind us.
- The family are well-liked.
Trust me, the momentum behind Boglecroft is unstoppable.
We could sink Archie's boat before the meeting starts.
How? With these.
If everybody knew he was withdrawing support from worthy causes, how popular would he be then? One call to the local rag is all it would take.
No, we do this fair and square.
I won't risk sullying? Lascelles' good name.
- It's business.
- It's underhand.
The MacDonalds wouldn't stoop to such tactics.
Neither will I.
Let me guess, George Smiley? Or a geriatric James Bond? Actually, I was looking for my dog Monty.
He ran off and I can't find him anywhere.
Monty? You won't find him through my keyhole.
Golly: How are you getting on, Hector? Any idea what that dunderhead, Stuart is up to? If we see your wee doggie, we'll tell him to radio in.
Thought you'd go underground.
On the contrary, I've been on the case, and the gloves are very definitely off.
It's a bare-knuckle fight Mclntosh is after.
Absolutely.
Archie's rally is set for the knockout punch.
The boy's in town.
I'll go and warn him.
That's what they expect.
I have a better idea.
No wonder they reformed the house of lords after Hector.
He's a highland laird, and he's my boss.
Just watch what you say.
Must take years of inbreeding to produce a brush as daft as him.
Anyway, the old goat can do what he likes, he's not gonna stop me.
Are you referring to my husband, Mr.
Mclntosh? How dare you denigrate him while under his roof? The "old goat," as you call him has extended his hospitality.
See that you respect it.
- Lexie? - Yes.
Have you seen the family bible? It's in the estate office, propping up the desk.
Thank you, it has our family lineage in it.
MacDonalds through the ages: Warriors, sages, poets.
They have not been vanquished in the past, Mr.
Mclntosh.
I believe they'll not be vanquished today.
Excuse me, I have a bible to find.
I'll just hoover up your mess, shall I? Touché I meant to say I can't make it later.
Don't mind, do you? ( vacuum whines ) ( Hector groans ) I'm not even going to ask.
Don't tell me.
What? Colonel Mustard with the lead piping in the billiard room? What have you got here? The contents of this trunk are of no interest to someone who can't even comprehend the word "heritage.
" It's not- the lost treasure of the MacDonalds, is it? Not quite.
There are one or two family valuables in it.
I thought all the best stuff had gone? The well has not altogether dried up.
- What are you doing with it? - Hiding it- ( whispers ) Hiding it.
The moment they open this estate to the public there'll be all sorts of unsavory characters wandering all over the place.
You can't move it by yourself.
Well, slowly, slowly, catch a monkey.
- Here, I'll give you a hand.
- Only if you're sure.
( groaning ) Steady.
Over there.
Whew, that's quite a weight.
It's full of trinkets and baubles, one or two pieces.
Maybe I could have a look? - I don't think so.
- Who's to know? Well, true.
There you are.
( door creaks ) ( Hector chuckles ) Candy from a baby.
Molly: Excuse me, Stella.
Could you pass me that ledger? Lovely.
Expecting someone? Stuart.
he's late.
He's a Mclntosh.
They're quite unreliable.
Stella: So I'm told - repeatedly.
I wonder if you could help me.
I seem to have mislaid my glasses and I need to- here.
"Intelligence of Ian Mclntosh's escape passed quickly through the MacDonald clan, a search party was raised and the fugitive was soon discovered sheltering with his accomplices at the Field of the Three Hags.
Claymores were drawn, arrows unsheathed.
Each loyal heart beat strongly, steadfast and true, as the MacDonalds and the Mclntoshes engaged in battle.
" I'm very sorry, Molly, - I'm gonna have to go.
- Oh, of course.
I wonder would you mind, if I borrowed this map? - Be my guest.
- Thank you.
Archie: Thank you all for coming.
Most of you you know me.
I know most of you.
You also know why we're here.
To protest against Boglecroft.
That's why this petition is so important.
Ladies and gentlemen, I know that I can't fight this alone, but I think together, we have a real chance of saying no.
Ah, Duncan! The very man.
What do you want with me? I need your help, your enthusiasm, your stamina, and most of all, your brawn.
I think I've found a way to save Archie's bacon.
Come on.
( sighs ) Join me in a vote to protect our future.
Let's say no to Boglecroft.
( applause ) Stella: What about the jobs that would be created? As I have said, my own five-year plan will give a considerable boost to employment in the area.
But you can't deny that it would attract tourists and put money into the local economy? In the short term, maybe.
But over a longer period, it will draw wealth away from the village.
Before long this place will have become a ghost town.
Mr.
Mclntosh's proposals clearly- that's just hype and hot air.
A personal guarantee, can you give that on his behalf? - You know I can't.
- Well, I can.
I was born here.
My ancestors are buried here.
I am not going to cut and run.
But Mr.
Mclntosh, a man who can't even be bothered to turn up today certainly won't be here tomorrow.
I'm sure he must have a very good reason for missing this meeting.
But obviously no interest in local opinion.
A long-term partnership for mutual benefit, that's my promise.
All I am asking in return is your signatures on this petition.
This is abduction.
A justifiable taking of a prisoner, Mclntosh.
An army without a leader never wins.
Golly: The most valuable lesson history has to teach us.
I've not got an army.
It's only me.
Better still.
Archie can hold his meeting without fear of interruption.
Did you bring the thumbscrews? I'd say he was more of a rack man, myself.
- ( door opens ) - Stuart: Lexie! Stuart, what are you doing? Have you two gone totally off your rockers? - let him out.
- It's not as easy as that.
This is.
- Hector: Stop her, Golly.
- Golly: put it down.
( yelling, commotion ) Huh! Ah! ( chuckling ) Right, Hector a tunnel or wooden horse? ( Lexie, Ian laugh ) Molly: left, I had a good job but I left.
Right, right it jolly well serves you right.
This is rather fun, isn't it? Like a treasure hunt.
Are we nearly there? Well we come out of the woods, to the mountain oh- this isn't on the map.
Look, north northeast.
South-southwest.
Duncan, what would I do without you? About turn- left, left, I had a good job but I left.
Thank you.
Decided to put in an appearance then? I've been in a cell for the last three hours.
Must be your past catching up with you.
I was locked up by your father.
That's right.
The MacDonalds were so keen to prevent me from telling you the truth about their intentions that I was held against my will.
No doubt, there's been a lot of talk from the laird here of how much his family have done for you in the past, along with the promise of an even brighter future, when in fact, letters have already been signed refusing genuine appeals from impoverished local causes.
All patronage will be withdrawn, so this man can pull up the drawbridge and fill his own coffers.
- This is nonsense.
- Are you denying the facts? - Well, no.
- Exactly.
You're pulling the wool over the eyes of these good folk, people to whom you claim to be a friend.
I say, throw off the shackles of tradition and subservience.
Invest in your future with a "yes" to Boglecroft.
There'll be jobs and prosperity for all.
I did not show him the letters.
He saw them on the desk.
Where you just happen to have left them? Well, congratulations.
You came here to help save Glenbogle and you signed the death warrant for the estate and the community.
Archie, you forgot your petition.
Three signatures.
I'm very impressed.
( chuckles ) Are you sure you know what we're doing? Yes, Duncan.
Anyway, I'm not turning back.
I don't even know what it is we're looking for, exactly.
The Three Hags, Duncan.
They mark an ancient battlefield, and also the proposed site of Boglecroft, so I thought.
If I could just match the two, we could scupper Stuart's plans.
He can't build on an historic site, can he? ( panting ) Let's hope Archie's having more luck than we are.
- Nature trail 4-b.
- What? The Field of the Three Hags.
It's on nature trail 4-b.
That's one of my favorite walks.
I don't believe it.
You're a treasure! - Take me to it.
- You're here.
You were sitting on one of them.
These are the other two.
If only you'd told me, I could have taken you here in 10 minutes.
- Stuart: Thank you.
- Man: Thank you very much.
You couldn't resist fighting dirty, could you? Not if it means we get what we want.
Old Hector hardly played it by the book, did he? It's not Hector I'm worried about.
You've destroyed any trust there was between me and Archie.
Look what you've gained.
Everyone's on our side now.
We're a great team with a great future.
Once people have been to Boglecroft, they'll want to come back, as the demand for timeshare increases.
- We can build to order.
- You can only expand so far.
Unless you want to swallow Glenbogle up completely.
I'll pack the MacDonalds' bags myself.
I will not be party to that.
I'm supposed to protect the estate.
I think you'll find I'm a much better bet.
If that's the way you see it, I might have to withdraw my support.
Tell the bank you've changed your mind? That won't do your reputation a lot of good.
Look, we don't have to fall out about this.
There's a bottle of champagne in my room.
Why don't we- drink to success? Save it for someone who's in the mood.
If I die first, you have my permission to eat me.
Thank you, Hector, but I might give that a miss.
Ah-ah- those are for tomorrow.
I thought you would be out with your boyfriend celebrating victory.
Ahem- not tonight, he's busy.
The meeting wasn't a success then? I think "complete disaster" sums it up.
Sorry things haven't worked out - the way you wanted them to.
- ( door slams ) - I haven't given up yet.
- Molly: Stop everything.
Marvelous news.
Duncan and I have found the battlefield of the Three Hags.
It's exactly where Stuart plans to build Boglecroft.
Mother, you're a genius.
You can prove this? Ah, well, we're working on that.
- Right, you find father.
I'll look for Stella.
- Roger and out.
Hello, I'm still here, you know.
- I'm sorry? - I'm supposed to sit here while you pull the rug out from under my boyfriend? Have you got a thought about maybe working together? - What, me and Stuart? - Why not? Because I don't fancy another knife in my back.
You're talking about someone that means something to me.
He actually treats me with a bit of respect, which is a welcome change around here.
If you've any more comments to make, keep them to yourself.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines a dungeon as a "subterranean stone cellar for the incarceration and correction of the guilty.
" The incarceration may be over, but the correction is about to begin.
I think this is the time of day it looks its most beautiful.
Yeah, and it'll look even better once it's framed by a car park, a couple of high-rises your petition.
You've got four signatures now.
A sudden change of heart, isn't it? You were right about Stuart.
He would happily destroy your family's home.
I've just given him the helping hand to do it.
If you were given the opportunity to pull out of Boglecroft, what would you do? I'd jump at the chance.
Good, because I need your help.
Stuart is planning to build on a 500-year-old battlefield.
Once we can prove it, the council would have to refuse planning permission and the bank will withdraw its support.
- That's where you come in.
- This can be backed up? Not yet, but we're on the case.
With council support we might be able to stall Stuart.
We'd need something tangible, something of real historical significance.
But I have done such a good sell to the bank that they'd probably press ahead without me.
It's worth giving it a shot.
They'd just laugh in my face.
I'm sorry, but I think we're going to have to get used to the idea of having Stuart around.
Marvelous.
At least he won't try it on with you.
Yeah, twice so far.
Knowing him, it won't be the last.
( grunts ) Duncan: What are we digging for, Molly? - Hard evidence.
- Hard labor more like it.
But if there are weapons here, I mean, they could be anywhere.
Trust my luck.
I've backed long shots before and won.
Aye, but my luck's not that great.
And it's me that's doing the digging.
Archie: All right, we're here to help.
I think I've strained something.
We're all in this together.
This is our last chance.
( door slams ) Good morning, o one who must be obeyed.
Was your night filled with eastern promise? Not exactly, no.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I had a great night, me and my man.
Here.
Get some of that in you.
It'll put the sparkle back in your eyes.
Look, Lex, I know how fond of him you are and how he makes you feel good and everything but are you sure he's okay? Yeah, I am.
He doesn't make me wait.
And there's no baggage.
That makes him very okay.
Okay? No, not okay.
You know how much I've always valued you? Yeah, like an untouchable vase.
No, as a friend.
Well, more than just a friend.
Arch, if you're trying to tell me something, just hit me with it.
He tried on with her.
With Stella.
In fact, I think he's had his eye on her since the moment they met.
Don't try and spoil this for me.
Are you jealous or something? Is that it? Is he moving in on your territory? I just don't want to see you get hurt.
- I don't know how you can do it.
- What? Keep a straight face.
You might not like Stuart, but making up a story like that, it's really low.
( door slams ) Good boys.
Hector: Monty, Rommel? Monty, Rommel? Where are you? ( dog barks ) Monty, Rommel? Where are you? ( dogs whimper ) There you are.
What are you doing down here, you silly old things? ( Ian laughing ) Candy from a baby.
This is a great day for the the Mclntoshes.
I'm not going to risk having you around to spoil it.
( laughing ) - Dunc? - ( mumbling ) Breakfast.
( sniffs ) Brilliant.
I've been at it all night.
Yeah, well done.
Listen, keep going.
Sorry, I can't help.
I've got the bridge opening.
Right.
Hey, good luck.
Thanks.
Oi! ( wolf whistles ) Who's a smart boy, then? There's a lot of flesh I want to press today.
Well, let's hope some of it's mine.
You shouldn't even have to ask.
( bangs ) Molly: Councilor, surely you can't stand back and watch an important piece of local history go under a bulldozer.
As I told you on the phone, Mrs.
MacDonald, you hear so many stories.
We're just asking you to hold off on Boglecroft.
Wait until we get a proper archaeological survey done.
It would be a terrible shame if you were held responsible for the destruction of an historic site.
Save the folklore for your punters.
Stella's already told me about this quaint local legend.
I've had a survey carried out which revealed nothing.
In that case, we have no reason to delay any further.
Ian: Absolutely.
Let's get on with it.
Don't want to keep your public waiting, do we, Arch? ( coin pings ) ( pings ) ( dog growls ) - Monty! - ( growls ) It's no use, Monty.
No one will hear you from here.
- ( Monty growls ) - ( barking outside ) Winnie? ( barks ) - Winnie? - Duncan: Hector? Winnie? - Duncan! - Hector! Why don't you use the door like everyone else? - It gives me great pleasure - ( rapid footsteps ) To welcome you all here on this very special day, the grand opening of our newly repaired bridge.
To be followed by the sod turning ceremony.
At least let me get the ribbon cut first.
It'd be a better photo if you gave the scissors to the lady.
Nope, best not, Arch.
The ribbon wouldn't be the only thing I'd be snipping in half.
I think you left these in the car.
"Stella, let's try again.
The champagne's still on ice if you change your mind.
" Aw- she might not have, but I certainly have.
( grunts ) Did I give you permission to come courting me? Did I give you permission to break my heart? You're nothing but a lying, cheating, two-faced- ( yelling ) Give him one for me, Lexie! If you want him, you can have him.
Keep that sleazeball right out of my way! Stuart: No doubt, it'll be the emotion of the occasion.
Right, sod turning.
Mother Archie: Lexie, Lexie.
Archie: I'm not going anywhere till you talk to me.
I can stay here for days.
I've got the times crossword.
You're useless at crosswords.
Exactly.
You'll be missing the sod turning.
I couldn't care less.
Are you coming out? ( sniffs ) I feel like such a fool.
He fooled everyone.
Even Stella.
I'll bet you she's loving this.
It's her who blew the whistle on him.
( sighs ) - I could kick myself.
- I know.
I'm sorry, Lex.
I'm all right.
I'm just cross.
Come here.
That's better.
Are you coming down? - Is Stuart still around? - Who cares? I should begin by saying thank you to the MacDonalds, as I think only they fully realize how wonderful a moment this is for me.
Right.
ready, lads? ( dogs barking ) - ( barking ) - Yes! How splendid, we have a reception committee.
I don't know what sort of stunt you're trying to pull.
There's a tunnel.
It runs all the way back to the dungeon, the escape route of your ancestor.
Has to be said, pretty good digging, for a Mclntosh.
Which proves this is where the battle was fought.
Let's not get carried away.
It's theory, that's all.
He's right, Mrs.
MacDonald, we have no real evidence.
What's this, then? The Mclntosh insignia.
As clear as day.
It was in the tunnel.
And these were, too.
Let me have a look at that.
So much for your survey, Mr.
Mclntosh.
- If it ever existed at all.
- Which I very much doubt.
Come on, Stella, you're not falling for this? I'm sorry, but Lascelles Bank can't be seen to be supporting the desecration of an historical site.
In that case, I think we're finished up here.
Well, you are- definitely.
I'm going to enjoy this.
- Have I missed something? - Boglecroft is history.
- Where's Stuart? - He's gone.
Duncan will fill you in.
I've got to phone the bank, tell them the deal's off.
Smile, Archie, you've won.
Case closed.
Full account of Mclntosh's miraculous escape.
What's this? "Three Hags, imprisonment for two years, extinct tunnel rediscovered by Duncan mckay you haven't mentioned me at all.
- Should I have? - Should you-? Look at these hands- raw with clawing my way out of that tunnel.
Duncan was simply my servant.
I am sorry, Hector.
I am not changing a word.
Duncan deserves his place in history.
Anyway, come on, let's go upstairs before they finish all the food.
Have it your own way- just a minute, before we go- could you show me how to work these? I don't want to charge people, then mess up when I put it on.
It's quite easy.
Put it on your wrist- no, let me do it to you.
You're the customer, see? - Over there? - Yes.
Now, wait a minute.
This is the padlock thing.
- Snap it closed.
- Wait a minute ah, there we are.
That's it.
easy.
Now take it off.
Not until you agree to a revised version of your Mclntosh saga.
Now, how would it go? "Hector Naismith MacDonald a champion amongst men"- blast! ( theme music playing )
- What? - Like the three Rs in stirrer? Let's try to keep this constructive, shall we? What we're after is blanket coverage- which means plastering these all over the glen.
Invasion of the oiks, that's what it means.
We haven't got much time.
It's going to be hard work.
Between us- hands full, kitchening.
I've already promised Golly that I'd be about.
Right, it's just us two then.
Sorry, I've this morning's post to sort through.
Put it down, dear, before you do yourself an injury.
What's all this? Do say you like it, Archie.
It's our contribution to the big day.
We thought we'd call it "the Dungeon Experience.
" The visitors could come down here, then we could give them a turn in the manacles, and then tell them terrible tales of incarceration and despair.
All for a modest fee, of course.
- Mother, it's brilliant.
- Thank you.
Of course, I can't take all the credit.
You father did some work.
Least he could do, considering it was his fault the bridge collapsed.
- It wasn't my fault.
- Hector, please.
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
There's a lot of research to do here if I'm going to get this notice board filled out in time.
Arch, try these manacles on, they're great fun.
You don't think you're going to find anyone daft enough to put those things on, do you? Ah, Duncan ( theme music playing ) At least we know they work.
Not if we can't unlock them, they don't.
- It's a bit stiff, that's all.
- Careful, you'll bend it.
All right, don't panic.
You know what we need? - Help? - Lubricating oil.
Stay right where you are.
( slaps ) Ahem! You look dazzling this morning.
I like to make an effort for my man.
( laughs ) So when are you going to lift me out of this life of drudgery? Maybe sooner than you think.
Oh, aye? Tell me more.
Stick with me, cinders, I'll make you queen of the highlands.
After what happened to the last one, I think I'll pass.
I'm not interrupting anything, am I? No, we're talking about people getting their heads chopped off.
A tradition I'm personally all for reviving.
Like the one about a fair day's work for a fair day's pay? Getting a pay raise, am I? I was expecting you a quarter of an hour ago.
Whatever you wanted, it had better be good.
I've got a lot on today.
It's much better than good.
After you.
Mr.
MacDonald.
Oh, Councilor Ayling.
The big day dawns, eh? I hope you'll be along.
It should be quite an event.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I'm impressed.
You've done very well.
- Thank you.
- Pass my congratulations on to Mr.
Mclntosh, too.
He's done a great job with that bridge.
There's more to come.
We're behind him with the plans for the development.
- What development? - Boglecroft.
- Boglecroft? - It's got a ring to it, don't you think? Let me get this straight.
You want to buy that mountain, Ben Bogle, and turn it into some sort of holiday resort? You got it in one.
If you want my advice, I'd stick to what you know.
I'm not planning on being a building supplier all my life.
And this this just can't fail.
The estate gets a lump of cash, which I make back in timeshare, and you earn brownie points with the bank.
Everybody's happy.
Say I was interested, what sort of figures are we talking about? I could certainly offer 200,000.
250,000, and we might be in the same ballpark.
( thunder rumbles ) Looking for anything in particular? Oh, no, no.
I was just looking around.
What are these for? Castrating bull calves.
- What's your problem? - No-no problem.
There is no problem.
It's just a mechanical hitch in the dungeon.
there's nothing to worry about.
Lubricates the parts other oils can't reach.
It's a little more serious than rusty steel.
Quite frankly, what I need is some kind of hacksaw.
Hacksaw? There you go.
Tungsten carbide.
Cuts like a hot knife through butter.
A hot knife? all right, that's just the ticket.
Watch yourself.
Molly: Oh, sorry.
- Good book, is it? - Ripping read.
The story of Ian Mclntosh, the dashing bird man of Glenbogle.
I think I'll wait to see the film.
You know he was the only man ever to escape from our impregnable dungeon.
- When was it? - 1493.
Shame, I'd like to have asked him how he did it.
This would make the perfect tale for my notice board.
The problem is, it's a complete mystery.
Listen- "the day of his escape, Mclntosh and a small band of accomplices were discovered by the MacDonald search party, somewhere in the Glenbogle hills.
The battle of pairc na truit gailleach was swift and brutal.
Mclntosh fought valiantly, but he was weak from starvation and he was cut down on the bloody field.
The secret of his escape died with him.
" Stirring stuff, isn't it? I prefer a good Jackie Collins, myself.
Stuart: This is only an artist's impression of the complex.
But it's pretty much how I see Boglecroft.
And these are profit projections for the first five years.
Based on a 10% increase in occupancy - over each 12-month period - I'm impressed.
I also have outline planning permission from the council.
If you can deliver on these promises - we might have a deal.
- Excellent.
An historic moment: A Mclntosh makes a killing on MacDonald land.
We can't do anything without talking to Archie.
He can't put the kibosh on it, can he? You call the shots, right? I have to consult with him out of courtesy.
But while the bank's in charge, yes, I call the shots.
( honking ) Steady on, you nearly ran me down.
I know who I'd like to run down.
What were you planning to do? Build some legoland for adults on my mountain without us noticing? It's not as bad as it sounds.
You're in on this as well? When were you gonna tell me? I just found out.
Hear what he's got to say.
- Go on then.
- Stuart: I'm talking a massive investment.
- That means local jobs and wealth.
- For you, no doubt.
For everyone.
People are falling over themselves to get out of towns and breathe fresh air.
What they don't want is the inconvenience of the country, so we give them a shop, a swimming pool, restaurants, entertainment in the evenings.
But we give it to them on Ben Bogle.
That way, they get the best of both worlds.
It's got pound signs written all over it.
It's got tacky written all over it.
It might go down well at the Costa Del Sol, but not here.
Well said, Archie.
Sell a Mclntosh MacDonald land? Over my dead body.
I'll put that in the contract if you like.
Think how it would boost your visiting figures.
All those people right on your doorstep.
- On my mountain.
- It'd be my mountain.
That's the whole point.
However desperate we get, splitting up the estate is the one thing I do not intend to do.
You'd pay off half of your debt.
We could have sold land anytime we wanted.
It's what I've spent two years trying to avoid.
It's a good offer, Archie.
One that I will fight every step of the way.
Archie: Starting with the council.
With me at his side.
( door slams ) I need a really punchy title for my tale.
How about- "the dashing bird man"? Or, "the tartan pimpernel"? Yes, very good, Lexie.
The problem is, I cannot fathom how he escaped.
If you're thinking about giving up, I could use a hand.
I'll work backwards.
If I can figure out where he was discovered then, I can find out how he escaped.
What do you think, Lexie? hmm? Lexie? Oh, Lexie, you're not getting fond of Stuart, are you? I like him.
Think carefully before you ally yourself to a Mclntosh.
They can be a bad bit.
I'm a serf.
I don't go in for alliances.
It's our relationship, he treats me really well.
At least he doesn't think I'm a skivvy.
I have never thought of you as a skivvy.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I am.
That's what I always will be, if I stay here.
Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the car? You may be the laird, my boy, but I think you'll find that when it comes to dealing with officialdom, the name Hector Naismith MacDonald still carries the greatest weight.
- Archie: there he is.
- Hector: yes.
Marvelous fellow, played 19 holes with him the other day.
This is going to be easier than I thought.
Peter, dear boy.
How are you? ( chuckles ) A word in your ear.
A rather delicate matter I'd like to discuss with you.
Ah, boys, are we drinking to success? - Not quite.
- Was the councilor not responsive? He was until father referred to him as a "jumped-up dictator from the wrong side of the tracks.
" Oh, dear, was it that bad? Worse, the council are backing Boglecroft 100%.
- Traitors.
- Quite.
So any official lines of objection are blocked.
If they weren't beforehand, they certainly are now.
Have you actually looked at this plan properly, or are you getting a sweat up because it was his idea? - It's an intrusion.
- They'll be all over us like ants.
But it's all right when it suits you? You can't wait to relieve people of their cash.
It's not quite the same thing.
All he is guilty of is trying to make something of himself.
Ben Bogle is the preserve of the MacDonalds.
Always has been, always will be.
It's time the rest of us had a turn, eh? People that weren't born with their mouths full of silver spoons.
( door slams ) The time has come for direct action.
I'm not sure that Archie- Golly, the boy needs our help.
He means well, but he's got no experience in the field.
This is a problem that requires two minds and a single malt.
Sorry, Molly, men's talk.
Quite so, now, Golly, pairc na truit gailleach.
Have you any idea what it might mean? It's Gaelic for "the Field of the Three Hags.
" - Which is where? - It's a landmark of some kind.
The three Scotch pines on the high track.
Or those caves at the far end of the loch? Why don't you consult family records? Brilliant.
you see, Hector, despite what people might say, you're not just a pretty face.
What do you want to know for, anyway? Dungeon tour, I think people are going to find a lot more down there than they expected.
- You been here all day? - Aye.
I thought I was gonna be here all night.
Keep a sense of proportion, for heaven's sake.
In the grand scheme of things it's a tiny blip in time.
It may just be a blip in time to you, but my whole day is in a guthole.
Where are you going? Glenbogle is under threat.
We need to make plans.
Well, I'm away.
I've had nothing to eat all day.
That's desertion in my book.
"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few," eh, Golly? Absolutely, boss.
I need you to cast an eye over these letters.
Don't tell me- the Ministry of Defense want to compulsorily purchase and turn us into a submarine base? Please, we have got to work together.
These are requests for patronage from local organizations.
The Women's Institute want to hold their annual garden party here.
Then there's the church fete, the school sports day- - we help when we can.
- Yes, I know, but the hospitality bill would come to a couple of grand.
It's out of the question at the moment, I'm afraid.
A "no" might be better coming from you.
Okay, leave them here.
We wouldn't have this problem if you would just consider Stuart's offer.
Forget it.
If I give in to this soon there'll be nothing left to fight for.
It's only a mountain, Archie.
I grew up on that mountain.
Selling it would be like chopping an arm off.
It's an easy way to clear half your debts.
And half the estate.
I know what would happen.
Next year, when things are tight, we sell little more land.
Then next year, it'd be the same thing.
Would that be bad if it gets the bank off your back? Where would it end, a campsite in the vegetable garden? Crazy golf around my brother's grave? I will make this place pay.
But I do not intend to turn it into a theme park in the process.
- I thought you understood.
- I do understand.
But Boglecroft could be a real lifeline for this place.
Which is why I've recommended it to the bank.
They're all for the idea.
I want to make an announcement at the grand opening, and I'd like you by my side.
Information is power, knowledge is the key.
- Ah? - Surveillance, Hector.
Keep a check on Mclntosh's moves, then head him off at the pass.
Thank heavens I've got you, Golly.
Stand by your man.
- Who is it who said that? - Tammy Wynette.
What do you want? A warmer welcome would be nice.
Did we have a row I don't know about? You could have filled me in - on your plans.
If I had said something to you first, would you have told Archie? No- yeah- I don't know.
Exactly, I'd have put you in an impossible situation.
That's the last thing I want.
I'm not gonna ask you to choose sides, Lex.
You might not pick me.
And I'd rather have half of you than nothing at all.
There is one decision you have to make soon.
- What's that? - Where are you gonna let me take you tomorrow evening? - Meal or movie? - And why not both? Could do, but you'd have to be very nice to me.
I don't feel like doing nice just now.
- you don't mind, do you? - Of course not.
( low growl ) Do you ever take a break? There's a lot to get through.
It happens I've got a spare evening tonight.
You know what they say about all work and no play.
You could do with letting your hair down a bit.
Is that right? Got anything particular in mind? I'm sure together we could come up with something.
I better tell you that my dancing days are over, and I'm not much of a scrabble player.
We could go for a meal, maybe a movie, a drink at my hotel, relax a little- thanks, I think I'm getting the picture, but sorry.
I've got a date with a VAT Return.
Shame.
but hey, can't blame a guy for trying.
Good night.
The quarry is in view, Hector.
Set your sights for the kill.
Hector? Radio: The hound is in the field.
Are you getting me, Hector? Hector? Are you getting me, Hector? Mine, I think.
We need brushes and paste.
We're gonna do some flyer posting.
Sorry, Arch, I've already promised to help Lexie.
Okay, you can do the pasting.
I'm your man.
Golly: Hector? Archie MacDonald, I'm impressed.
We don't usually see your face till 10:00 at the earliest.
I thought I'd take a leaf out of your book.
You know what they say about the early bird? - Which makes me the worm? - ( Duncan snickers ) If we could just pretend to be adults for a second.
I wanted to talk to you about the grand opening.
I thought we could do something special to launch Boglecroft like a sod turning ceremony or- "save Ben Bogle.
Register your protest.
" I said I'd fight you all the way and I meant it.
You'd better look at this.
Local opposition has a habit of snowballing.
I've seen it before.
Who's gonna turn up, pensioners and sheep farmers? - we've already got the council behind us.
- The family are well-liked.
Trust me, the momentum behind Boglecroft is unstoppable.
We could sink Archie's boat before the meeting starts.
How? With these.
If everybody knew he was withdrawing support from worthy causes, how popular would he be then? One call to the local rag is all it would take.
No, we do this fair and square.
I won't risk sullying? Lascelles' good name.
- It's business.
- It's underhand.
The MacDonalds wouldn't stoop to such tactics.
Neither will I.
Let me guess, George Smiley? Or a geriatric James Bond? Actually, I was looking for my dog Monty.
He ran off and I can't find him anywhere.
Monty? You won't find him through my keyhole.
Golly: How are you getting on, Hector? Any idea what that dunderhead, Stuart is up to? If we see your wee doggie, we'll tell him to radio in.
Thought you'd go underground.
On the contrary, I've been on the case, and the gloves are very definitely off.
It's a bare-knuckle fight Mclntosh is after.
Absolutely.
Archie's rally is set for the knockout punch.
The boy's in town.
I'll go and warn him.
That's what they expect.
I have a better idea.
No wonder they reformed the house of lords after Hector.
He's a highland laird, and he's my boss.
Just watch what you say.
Must take years of inbreeding to produce a brush as daft as him.
Anyway, the old goat can do what he likes, he's not gonna stop me.
Are you referring to my husband, Mr.
Mclntosh? How dare you denigrate him while under his roof? The "old goat," as you call him has extended his hospitality.
See that you respect it.
- Lexie? - Yes.
Have you seen the family bible? It's in the estate office, propping up the desk.
Thank you, it has our family lineage in it.
MacDonalds through the ages: Warriors, sages, poets.
They have not been vanquished in the past, Mr.
Mclntosh.
I believe they'll not be vanquished today.
Excuse me, I have a bible to find.
I'll just hoover up your mess, shall I? Touché I meant to say I can't make it later.
Don't mind, do you? ( vacuum whines ) ( Hector groans ) I'm not even going to ask.
Don't tell me.
What? Colonel Mustard with the lead piping in the billiard room? What have you got here? The contents of this trunk are of no interest to someone who can't even comprehend the word "heritage.
" It's not- the lost treasure of the MacDonalds, is it? Not quite.
There are one or two family valuables in it.
I thought all the best stuff had gone? The well has not altogether dried up.
- What are you doing with it? - Hiding it- ( whispers ) Hiding it.
The moment they open this estate to the public there'll be all sorts of unsavory characters wandering all over the place.
You can't move it by yourself.
Well, slowly, slowly, catch a monkey.
- Here, I'll give you a hand.
- Only if you're sure.
( groaning ) Steady.
Over there.
Whew, that's quite a weight.
It's full of trinkets and baubles, one or two pieces.
Maybe I could have a look? - I don't think so.
- Who's to know? Well, true.
There you are.
( door creaks ) ( Hector chuckles ) Candy from a baby.
Molly: Excuse me, Stella.
Could you pass me that ledger? Lovely.
Expecting someone? Stuart.
he's late.
He's a Mclntosh.
They're quite unreliable.
Stella: So I'm told - repeatedly.
I wonder if you could help me.
I seem to have mislaid my glasses and I need to- here.
"Intelligence of Ian Mclntosh's escape passed quickly through the MacDonald clan, a search party was raised and the fugitive was soon discovered sheltering with his accomplices at the Field of the Three Hags.
Claymores were drawn, arrows unsheathed.
Each loyal heart beat strongly, steadfast and true, as the MacDonalds and the Mclntoshes engaged in battle.
" I'm very sorry, Molly, - I'm gonna have to go.
- Oh, of course.
I wonder would you mind, if I borrowed this map? - Be my guest.
- Thank you.
Archie: Thank you all for coming.
Most of you you know me.
I know most of you.
You also know why we're here.
To protest against Boglecroft.
That's why this petition is so important.
Ladies and gentlemen, I know that I can't fight this alone, but I think together, we have a real chance of saying no.
Ah, Duncan! The very man.
What do you want with me? I need your help, your enthusiasm, your stamina, and most of all, your brawn.
I think I've found a way to save Archie's bacon.
Come on.
( sighs ) Join me in a vote to protect our future.
Let's say no to Boglecroft.
( applause ) Stella: What about the jobs that would be created? As I have said, my own five-year plan will give a considerable boost to employment in the area.
But you can't deny that it would attract tourists and put money into the local economy? In the short term, maybe.
But over a longer period, it will draw wealth away from the village.
Before long this place will have become a ghost town.
Mr.
Mclntosh's proposals clearly- that's just hype and hot air.
A personal guarantee, can you give that on his behalf? - You know I can't.
- Well, I can.
I was born here.
My ancestors are buried here.
I am not going to cut and run.
But Mr.
Mclntosh, a man who can't even be bothered to turn up today certainly won't be here tomorrow.
I'm sure he must have a very good reason for missing this meeting.
But obviously no interest in local opinion.
A long-term partnership for mutual benefit, that's my promise.
All I am asking in return is your signatures on this petition.
This is abduction.
A justifiable taking of a prisoner, Mclntosh.
An army without a leader never wins.
Golly: The most valuable lesson history has to teach us.
I've not got an army.
It's only me.
Better still.
Archie can hold his meeting without fear of interruption.
Did you bring the thumbscrews? I'd say he was more of a rack man, myself.
- ( door opens ) - Stuart: Lexie! Stuart, what are you doing? Have you two gone totally off your rockers? - let him out.
- It's not as easy as that.
This is.
- Hector: Stop her, Golly.
- Golly: put it down.
( yelling, commotion ) Huh! Ah! ( chuckling ) Right, Hector a tunnel or wooden horse? ( Lexie, Ian laugh ) Molly: left, I had a good job but I left.
Right, right it jolly well serves you right.
This is rather fun, isn't it? Like a treasure hunt.
Are we nearly there? Well we come out of the woods, to the mountain oh- this isn't on the map.
Look, north northeast.
South-southwest.
Duncan, what would I do without you? About turn- left, left, I had a good job but I left.
Thank you.
Decided to put in an appearance then? I've been in a cell for the last three hours.
Must be your past catching up with you.
I was locked up by your father.
That's right.
The MacDonalds were so keen to prevent me from telling you the truth about their intentions that I was held against my will.
No doubt, there's been a lot of talk from the laird here of how much his family have done for you in the past, along with the promise of an even brighter future, when in fact, letters have already been signed refusing genuine appeals from impoverished local causes.
All patronage will be withdrawn, so this man can pull up the drawbridge and fill his own coffers.
- This is nonsense.
- Are you denying the facts? - Well, no.
- Exactly.
You're pulling the wool over the eyes of these good folk, people to whom you claim to be a friend.
I say, throw off the shackles of tradition and subservience.
Invest in your future with a "yes" to Boglecroft.
There'll be jobs and prosperity for all.
I did not show him the letters.
He saw them on the desk.
Where you just happen to have left them? Well, congratulations.
You came here to help save Glenbogle and you signed the death warrant for the estate and the community.
Archie, you forgot your petition.
Three signatures.
I'm very impressed.
( chuckles ) Are you sure you know what we're doing? Yes, Duncan.
Anyway, I'm not turning back.
I don't even know what it is we're looking for, exactly.
The Three Hags, Duncan.
They mark an ancient battlefield, and also the proposed site of Boglecroft, so I thought.
If I could just match the two, we could scupper Stuart's plans.
He can't build on an historic site, can he? ( panting ) Let's hope Archie's having more luck than we are.
- Nature trail 4-b.
- What? The Field of the Three Hags.
It's on nature trail 4-b.
That's one of my favorite walks.
I don't believe it.
You're a treasure! - Take me to it.
- You're here.
You were sitting on one of them.
These are the other two.
If only you'd told me, I could have taken you here in 10 minutes.
- Stuart: Thank you.
- Man: Thank you very much.
You couldn't resist fighting dirty, could you? Not if it means we get what we want.
Old Hector hardly played it by the book, did he? It's not Hector I'm worried about.
You've destroyed any trust there was between me and Archie.
Look what you've gained.
Everyone's on our side now.
We're a great team with a great future.
Once people have been to Boglecroft, they'll want to come back, as the demand for timeshare increases.
- We can build to order.
- You can only expand so far.
Unless you want to swallow Glenbogle up completely.
I'll pack the MacDonalds' bags myself.
I will not be party to that.
I'm supposed to protect the estate.
I think you'll find I'm a much better bet.
If that's the way you see it, I might have to withdraw my support.
Tell the bank you've changed your mind? That won't do your reputation a lot of good.
Look, we don't have to fall out about this.
There's a bottle of champagne in my room.
Why don't we- drink to success? Save it for someone who's in the mood.
If I die first, you have my permission to eat me.
Thank you, Hector, but I might give that a miss.
Ah-ah- those are for tomorrow.
I thought you would be out with your boyfriend celebrating victory.
Ahem- not tonight, he's busy.
The meeting wasn't a success then? I think "complete disaster" sums it up.
Sorry things haven't worked out - the way you wanted them to.
- ( door slams ) - I haven't given up yet.
- Molly: Stop everything.
Marvelous news.
Duncan and I have found the battlefield of the Three Hags.
It's exactly where Stuart plans to build Boglecroft.
Mother, you're a genius.
You can prove this? Ah, well, we're working on that.
- Right, you find father.
I'll look for Stella.
- Roger and out.
Hello, I'm still here, you know.
- I'm sorry? - I'm supposed to sit here while you pull the rug out from under my boyfriend? Have you got a thought about maybe working together? - What, me and Stuart? - Why not? Because I don't fancy another knife in my back.
You're talking about someone that means something to me.
He actually treats me with a bit of respect, which is a welcome change around here.
If you've any more comments to make, keep them to yourself.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines a dungeon as a "subterranean stone cellar for the incarceration and correction of the guilty.
" The incarceration may be over, but the correction is about to begin.
I think this is the time of day it looks its most beautiful.
Yeah, and it'll look even better once it's framed by a car park, a couple of high-rises your petition.
You've got four signatures now.
A sudden change of heart, isn't it? You were right about Stuart.
He would happily destroy your family's home.
I've just given him the helping hand to do it.
If you were given the opportunity to pull out of Boglecroft, what would you do? I'd jump at the chance.
Good, because I need your help.
Stuart is planning to build on a 500-year-old battlefield.
Once we can prove it, the council would have to refuse planning permission and the bank will withdraw its support.
- That's where you come in.
- This can be backed up? Not yet, but we're on the case.
With council support we might be able to stall Stuart.
We'd need something tangible, something of real historical significance.
But I have done such a good sell to the bank that they'd probably press ahead without me.
It's worth giving it a shot.
They'd just laugh in my face.
I'm sorry, but I think we're going to have to get used to the idea of having Stuart around.
Marvelous.
At least he won't try it on with you.
Yeah, twice so far.
Knowing him, it won't be the last.
( grunts ) Duncan: What are we digging for, Molly? - Hard evidence.
- Hard labor more like it.
But if there are weapons here, I mean, they could be anywhere.
Trust my luck.
I've backed long shots before and won.
Aye, but my luck's not that great.
And it's me that's doing the digging.
Archie: All right, we're here to help.
I think I've strained something.
We're all in this together.
This is our last chance.
( door slams ) Good morning, o one who must be obeyed.
Was your night filled with eastern promise? Not exactly, no.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I had a great night, me and my man.
Here.
Get some of that in you.
It'll put the sparkle back in your eyes.
Look, Lex, I know how fond of him you are and how he makes you feel good and everything but are you sure he's okay? Yeah, I am.
He doesn't make me wait.
And there's no baggage.
That makes him very okay.
Okay? No, not okay.
You know how much I've always valued you? Yeah, like an untouchable vase.
No, as a friend.
Well, more than just a friend.
Arch, if you're trying to tell me something, just hit me with it.
He tried on with her.
With Stella.
In fact, I think he's had his eye on her since the moment they met.
Don't try and spoil this for me.
Are you jealous or something? Is that it? Is he moving in on your territory? I just don't want to see you get hurt.
- I don't know how you can do it.
- What? Keep a straight face.
You might not like Stuart, but making up a story like that, it's really low.
( door slams ) Good boys.
Hector: Monty, Rommel? Monty, Rommel? Where are you? ( dog barks ) Monty, Rommel? Where are you? ( dogs whimper ) There you are.
What are you doing down here, you silly old things? ( Ian laughing ) Candy from a baby.
This is a great day for the the Mclntoshes.
I'm not going to risk having you around to spoil it.
( laughing ) - Dunc? - ( mumbling ) Breakfast.
( sniffs ) Brilliant.
I've been at it all night.
Yeah, well done.
Listen, keep going.
Sorry, I can't help.
I've got the bridge opening.
Right.
Hey, good luck.
Thanks.
Oi! ( wolf whistles ) Who's a smart boy, then? There's a lot of flesh I want to press today.
Well, let's hope some of it's mine.
You shouldn't even have to ask.
( bangs ) Molly: Councilor, surely you can't stand back and watch an important piece of local history go under a bulldozer.
As I told you on the phone, Mrs.
MacDonald, you hear so many stories.
We're just asking you to hold off on Boglecroft.
Wait until we get a proper archaeological survey done.
It would be a terrible shame if you were held responsible for the destruction of an historic site.
Save the folklore for your punters.
Stella's already told me about this quaint local legend.
I've had a survey carried out which revealed nothing.
In that case, we have no reason to delay any further.
Ian: Absolutely.
Let's get on with it.
Don't want to keep your public waiting, do we, Arch? ( coin pings ) ( pings ) ( dog growls ) - Monty! - ( growls ) It's no use, Monty.
No one will hear you from here.
- ( Monty growls ) - ( barking outside ) Winnie? ( barks ) - Winnie? - Duncan: Hector? Winnie? - Duncan! - Hector! Why don't you use the door like everyone else? - It gives me great pleasure - ( rapid footsteps ) To welcome you all here on this very special day, the grand opening of our newly repaired bridge.
To be followed by the sod turning ceremony.
At least let me get the ribbon cut first.
It'd be a better photo if you gave the scissors to the lady.
Nope, best not, Arch.
The ribbon wouldn't be the only thing I'd be snipping in half.
I think you left these in the car.
"Stella, let's try again.
The champagne's still on ice if you change your mind.
" Aw- she might not have, but I certainly have.
( grunts ) Did I give you permission to come courting me? Did I give you permission to break my heart? You're nothing but a lying, cheating, two-faced- ( yelling ) Give him one for me, Lexie! If you want him, you can have him.
Keep that sleazeball right out of my way! Stuart: No doubt, it'll be the emotion of the occasion.
Right, sod turning.
Mother Archie: Lexie, Lexie.
Archie: I'm not going anywhere till you talk to me.
I can stay here for days.
I've got the times crossword.
You're useless at crosswords.
Exactly.
You'll be missing the sod turning.
I couldn't care less.
Are you coming out? ( sniffs ) I feel like such a fool.
He fooled everyone.
Even Stella.
I'll bet you she's loving this.
It's her who blew the whistle on him.
( sighs ) - I could kick myself.
- I know.
I'm sorry, Lex.
I'm all right.
I'm just cross.
Come here.
That's better.
Are you coming down? - Is Stuart still around? - Who cares? I should begin by saying thank you to the MacDonalds, as I think only they fully realize how wonderful a moment this is for me.
Right.
ready, lads? ( dogs barking ) - ( barking ) - Yes! How splendid, we have a reception committee.
I don't know what sort of stunt you're trying to pull.
There's a tunnel.
It runs all the way back to the dungeon, the escape route of your ancestor.
Has to be said, pretty good digging, for a Mclntosh.
Which proves this is where the battle was fought.
Let's not get carried away.
It's theory, that's all.
He's right, Mrs.
MacDonald, we have no real evidence.
What's this, then? The Mclntosh insignia.
As clear as day.
It was in the tunnel.
And these were, too.
Let me have a look at that.
So much for your survey, Mr.
Mclntosh.
- If it ever existed at all.
- Which I very much doubt.
Come on, Stella, you're not falling for this? I'm sorry, but Lascelles Bank can't be seen to be supporting the desecration of an historical site.
In that case, I think we're finished up here.
Well, you are- definitely.
I'm going to enjoy this.
- Have I missed something? - Boglecroft is history.
- Where's Stuart? - He's gone.
Duncan will fill you in.
I've got to phone the bank, tell them the deal's off.
Smile, Archie, you've won.
Case closed.
Full account of Mclntosh's miraculous escape.
What's this? "Three Hags, imprisonment for two years, extinct tunnel rediscovered by Duncan mckay you haven't mentioned me at all.
- Should I have? - Should you-? Look at these hands- raw with clawing my way out of that tunnel.
Duncan was simply my servant.
I am sorry, Hector.
I am not changing a word.
Duncan deserves his place in history.
Anyway, come on, let's go upstairs before they finish all the food.
Have it your own way- just a minute, before we go- could you show me how to work these? I don't want to charge people, then mess up when I put it on.
It's quite easy.
Put it on your wrist- no, let me do it to you.
You're the customer, see? - Over there? - Yes.
Now, wait a minute.
This is the padlock thing.
- Snap it closed.
- Wait a minute ah, there we are.
That's it.
easy.
Now take it off.
Not until you agree to a revised version of your Mclntosh saga.
Now, how would it go? "Hector Naismith MacDonald a champion amongst men"- blast! ( theme music playing )