No Offence (2015) s03e05 Episode Script

People of Manchester, we salute you! Caroline McCoy faked her own assassination attempt so she could swing the vote and win the election.
She even smuggled the gun into the town hall for Beckett.
We have the start of a paper trail linking Caroline to Dirkin.
If you help them, then who knows? - I turned Dennis.
- This in inhuman.
HE SCREAMS We'll contact Beckett when the time is right, arrange the meet and we'll have him.
And once we've got him, we can take down Caroline too.
Do you think she's worked out that you're onto her? - Yes, ma'am.
- Mayor's on her way in.
Needs to talk urgently about alleged corruption in my department.
That's code for I want you out.
There is only one way to fix this.
I'm resigning.
I'll be gone by the end of the week.
And as new mayor, I'm proud to say that I've kept my promise.
A zero tolerance policy on parking in restricted zones right across Manchester, starting right here, right now.
Why outside a mosque? No hidden agenda, it's one of the many areas, across the city, - where parking is an issue.
- CHANTING INDISTINC I'll take this up with the mayor later but for now, please, inside.
Easy, boys and girls.
Slippers, not jack boots.
Is he having a laugh? Captain Big Box.
Deal with him.
Oi! Stop that box! Excuse me.
SIREN WAILS Conspicuous policing? This is all bells, whistles and tit tassels.
Here comes the new Marilyn.
Detective Chief Inspector Terry Taylor is just the man for the job.
Inspector, you keep the locals back, I'll deal with that lot.
These are the locals, sir.
Right, you two, there's more of them trying to park up round the corner.
See to it.
PC O'Connell, let Tiggy go first.
They might listen to her.
It's Tegan.
We're not interrupting your prayers, go back and have your prayers.
Get inside before someone gets hurt! Get him in the van! No, the other one! Get him off that lorry! This is all going to go Dolly Parton tits up if Terry Dactyl doesn't stop goose stepping his way through.
Was he like this when you were a cadet? Worse.
Jonah, where the hell are you? Just apprehended Big Box, ma'am.
You're not Captain Big Box.
You can't arrest them all, Sir.
We've only got two cells free.
The mayor brought me in for a reason.
I stick to her agenda, you stick to mine, we'll all be happy clampers.
If you step over this line, I will have you arrested.
Forget that.
You can't park there, lads.
Since when? Since today Bash? You need to move your car.
Stu, I'll sort it, he's my cousin.
No way.
Bad enough you're a pig but shagging a white pig? Don't speak to her like that.
Move your car.
- Bash - Get off me.
Move your car now! - God, are you OK? - Shit.
Bashir Khan, I'm arresting you for assaulting a police officer.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what you playing at? Make the most of it, mate, cos she might be goin' on a little holiday soon.
Ask her about my brother's Mrs.
Teeg, wait.
Uncuff him.
What? No way.
He assaulted you.
Now move your car before I change my mind.
HE SNICKERS If that'd been anyone else, you would've charged 'em.
It wasn't anyone else, was it? - It was your family.
- Yeah, so? Hang on, what has he said to you? I don't know, something about his brother's wife.
Oh, here we go.
He tells everyone that she disappeared.
She did.
To Florida, having the time of her life.
I've seen it on Facebook.
- OK.
- OK? That "OK" didn't sound OK.
Stu, what's going on? I just think when, we're on duty, we should make it less obvious we're, you know, a thing.
Why should we? Oh, my God, I have listened to crap like this for 25 years and ignored it and he says one little thing to you, and you're going on about being less obvious? I tell you what, if you're that worried about it, why don't we just finish? Is that less obvious for you? No, I never said that.
You didn't have to, cos your face said it all.
Teeg, wait, you've got this all wrong.
Your dad's a better shag anyway.
Dinah, Spike, we could do with a bit of backup here.
We're coming out.
Get down! You're giving them an excuse to arrest you! You're his blue-eyed boy.
Try and rein him in before he kicks off a riot.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, God, look at her.
Like butter wouldn't melt.
Time she wasn't here.
Sir, we need to get these inside before it all really kicks off.
It's easier said than done, Spike.
It's like herding cats with beards.
Shit.
Come on, love, that is enough.
THEY CLAMOUR You were amazing! I could have done without this was coming down.
Half of them borderline feral.
Have I done something to upset your Sergeant? That's not the first time she's looked at me - like I'm something she's trodden in.
- Trust me, that's her on a good day.
She's normally Rose McGowan meets Kill Bill.
Off you go, love.
Come on, Dinah.
Less chewing of the wasps' nest.
On second thoughts It wasn't Big Box, ma'am.
It was a scally kid.
He's legged it.
Said a fella gave him 20 quid if he'd wear the costume, and deliver a leaflet to the mayor.
If he didn't, he'd slit his throat.
Said the fella looked like a tramp.
A ginger tramp.
I just clocked Caroline's face when she was at the car.
Whatever was in that leaflet spooked her.
- A death threat from Beckett? - PHONE BEEPS Yeah, well, he might want her dead but he won't want her going before he's got his hit money.
Bonnie.
From Beckett.
To Dennis.
"Make her pay.
" See, Beckett must have come out of his bat cave to find that scally kid.
He could be nearby, we could get him.
No, no.
We can't let Beckett know we know that he sent that to Dennis.
And we certainly can't let him know.
I've got a feeling that it's just the mad bastard tuning up.
Oh, look, even the opposition are on my side, so thank you! See? She doesn't react.
But when she was in the car, she was definitely rattled.
Give the psycho his Blue Peter badge, he's put some effort in there.
- PHONE RINGS - Are we good? - Bonnie? - Ma'am.
Look sharp.
Bonnie, I can't talk, you go ahead.
I have just had the mayor on.
Wants to know how that Big Box got so near her.
That could've been Beckett.
Was there anything on the leaflet, sir, or? No, it was just a leftover from his campaign.
The point is, I have reassured her I have reassured her worship that we'll find Beckett.
- Am I right? - "Yes, sir.
" ALL: Yes, sir.
Am I keeping you from something, Sergeant? Sorry, that was my mum.
My daughter's in a bad way.
Taken one of them drugs she deals in, has she? No, she's got a cyst the size of an orange in her fallopian tubes if you must know, sir.
She's in agony.
Could end up infertile, and she loves kids.
Still, glass half full, at least she's definitely not a dealer.
Right, well So, let's get the bastard and bring him in.
Oh, DC Tanner? A word.
- Yes, sir.
- As soon as you're ready.
And tell them cleaners to go easy on Febreze.
My office smells like a tart's twat.
We were right.
Beckett just called Dennis.
The leaflet was a warning to McCoy.
He wants Dennis to bring him the 40 grand or someone'll end up in the obituaries.
- But he didn't mention McCoy by name? - No.
Not one thing to link her to Dirkin or the fake hit.
So, all we've got are the receipts that Proff found from payments made to her shop? That's not enough, it's nowhere near.
At the risk of going all Lion King on you, we keep the circle.
Cos if Terry Dactyl gets a whiff that we're on to McCoy, it's game over, we've lost.
So, come on.
Plan.
We send Bonnie in to see McCoy, see if she'll pay the 40 grand, try and trip her up, get her to say anything that links her to Dirkin or Beckett.
Should Dennis go with her? She's a trained U/C.
He's a gobby twat on two legs who just pulls pints.
He's Beckett's mate, it might be more convincing if they both go in.
OK, as long as Bonnie does all the talking.
We get Beckett, we get McCoy.
And we get justice for Joy.
KNOCK ON DOOR Come.
Problem, sir? There's been a complaint of misconduct made against you.
- By who? - Inspector Deering.
For what? A few days ago, you told her that you'd filed a report on an attempted robbery case in Denton.
Except it wasn't filed till the next day.
No, I remember.
It was Alice, me wife, she rang and said she was ill and couldn't look after the kids, so I finished my shift early.
I mean, OK, the report was filed late but I still put it in.
DI Deering says she was checking over all reports on all officers, that's when she came across it.
The complaint is that it wasn't done by the book.
Well, Deering's hardly known for doing things by the book.
Exactly.
There's something wrong with this picture, isn't there? Sir Inspector Deering's never made a complaint against you before.
Ever.
The mayor appoints me as DCI and, within only a matter of days, Deering has made a complaint against you.
I've let her know that you were one of the finest cadets I'd ever trained and that I'd trust you with my life.
She knows you and me go way back.
Sorry, sir, I don't where you're going with all this.
Suppose Deering thinks you are my eyes on her and that you report what she's up to back to me.
Every little detail.
It'd be in her interests to have you suspended while the case against you was investigated.
But I don't get it.
What would she be up to? Well, that's one of the reasons the mayor brought me in, to find out.
She doesn't trust Deering or that DS Kol Kow Dinah since that business over her daughter.
I've been watching them two.
Thick as thieves.
You ever wondered why she was made Sergeant and not you? Can't say I wasn't gutted at the time, but Dinah's a good cop.
Better than you? I think not.
- PHONE VIBRATES - Oh.
Speak of the devil.
Caroline.
On my way.
Don't worry, Spike.
I've got your back.
Unlike Deering, who's just stuck a knife in it.
Fetch your coat.
Tell her you're following up a lead on a case, make it convincing.
- Where are we going? - Town hall.
Oh, and let Deering think I'm looking further into her complaint against you which you and I both know, I won't be.
Yes, sir.
Well? Fell for it hook, line and sinker.
Or stinker in his case.
Tell you what, ma'am, I was bloody good in there, me.
All right, Bafta Boy.
You were right about McCoy.
She's asked him to be her eyes and ears on Friday Street.
Especially you two.
Thinks you're up to something.
- We are, taking that bitch down.
- I'm going to go and see her now.
- What for? - No idea.
But as far as you two are concerned, I'm chasing up a lead on a case, right? You need to find out, is he her spy or just her useful idiot, yeah? OK.
Spike, make sure you're out of there before we get Bonnie in.
- Yeah.
- And you need to talk to him about the smell.
You didn't tell me you'd have company, Terry.
Oh, don't worry, Deering doesn't know he's here.
Or does she? No! No, no.
You told me to tell her I was chasing up a lead, so I did.
And how do we know that you won't tell her you were here when you get back to the station? Well, you don't, I guess.
But why would I tell her after she's just filed a complaint against me? Sorry, sir, am I missing something here? The mayor wants to know why you'd trust me more than Deering.
Well, if it comes down to loyalty then let's just say I've known the guv a lot longer than Deering.
And I've had no reason not to be loyal to her until today.
KNOCK ON DOOR Thanks, Nadine.
So, you said you wanted to discuss Beckett? I did.
Ooh, you remembered, custard creams.
Bonnie, hold on, we're waiting on Spike and Taylor.
They're still in with Caroline.
INDISTINCT CHATTER I can't think straight knowing that maniac's still out there.
I mean, I know I look calm but I'm a bag of nerves.
I'll put more officers around you.
We'll get the bastard, - that's a promise.
- Thanks, Terry, I know it's not just words with you, you'll do whatever it takes.
That's a given.
KNOCK ON DOOR Two minutes.
Sorry, if you'll excuse me, I've a meeting so Thank you.
Listen, think on, Terry, it'll be one in the eye for all of those that said I should have left you to play golf, and you're not fit for purpose.
If you get Beckett, it'll be the making of you.
They don't go in now, they'll miss her.
She's in meetings all afternoon.
Sod this.
Sorry about that in there, Spike, but I just had to prove to the mayor she can trust you.
- PHONE RINGS - Ma'am? Spike, what the hell is going on? Yeah, no, I'm still chasing up that lead in Denton.
I'm just leaving now.
Jesus.
That coffee's gone through me like a dose of salts.
Correction.
"Were" leaving.
Think he's gone to the toilet.
What? Why didn't you stop him? I never had chance.
I think he's got the shits.
Oh and, ma'am, he's just McCoy's useful idiot, nothing more.
I reckon if I wasn't there, she'd have told him straight, "get Beckett before we do and kill him.
" Caroline's heading for the meeting room.
We either do this now or tell Bonnie to pull out.
Trust Terry Dactyl's bowels to cock this up.
- Do it.
- Bonnie, go in.
McCoy's left her office.
She's headed towards you.
Spike, make sure Taylor doesn't come out of the bogs or he's going to see Bonnie and Dennis coming in.
Received.
Sir? You OK? Oh! Christ it's like a bastard tap's been turned on.
Ooh! That's all right.
Just take your time.
- Take as much time as you need.
- Oh! Bonnie, Caroline's approaching from the right.
I'm about two stone lighter.
Sir, don't you want to use the hand-dryer? What for? Sorry, sir, listen, I just meant to say, you are exactly what Friday Street needs.
I've been surrounded by so much oestrogen, I think my balls have shrivelled up.
The boys are back in town.
Pull her in to the lift.
Now! It's all right.
Let's go.
No, I don't think so, love.
We're here to make sure you give Beckett the money you owe him.
- What money? - The money for the fake hit you arranged.
You don't get it by midday tomorrow, he won't miss second time around.
You do get it, you won't hear from him again.
You've not got long.
Cut to the wind up.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on, that kind of money's peanuts to you.
All this "I'm still Jenny from the block" shit.
You're just a big phoney.
I bet you've got shoes worth more than that.
I'm from Cinderly, mate, not Wilmslow.
I begrudge paying 40 quid for a pair of shoes let alone 40 grand.
Bingo.
I'm calling security, I'm going to get you two arrested.
I don't think so.
- What the hell are you playing at? - Oh, fucking hell.
You get that money for my mate Joe or I'll finish you.
There was a deal! There was a deal, right? Lift's about to stop.
Bonnie, get out of there, he blew it soon as he got the gun out.
Go on, you call security, call the cops, call whoever you like, they're going to have a lot of questions and we can give them a lot of answers.
Bonnie had him.
Dennis the fucking Menace.
He just screwed the whole thing up.
Argh! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take a Taser to your testes right now.
All right, calm your tits, it weren't even loaded.
You never said a thing about a gun.
I just thought my way of getting that bitch to talk was better than your way.
You've just given McCoy an excuse to put a bigger ring fence of Fuzz around her.
All right, no need to go all Witches of Eastwick on me.
Caddy! You need to start singing our song otherwise my girl's death goes for nothing and that's not going to happen on my watch.
We need to fall back on Plan B.
- What's Plan B? - Haven't a clue.
Unless Marilyn.
Ma'am, we're going to need bait to bring Beckett in.
Gentlemen, any joy on that witness? Turned out to be an ex with a grudge.
Two hours I spent twatting about on that.
By the way, the Mayor's asked me to put more officers around her.
Keep on it, everyone! Beckett's out there somewhere.
I'll make sure I write the report up now, sir.
Smile wouldn't hurt would it, Tiggy? Better? And just for the record, sir, my name is Tegan.
T-E-G-A-N.
You got everybody else's name right in here except for mine.
I wonder why that is, eh? You do not speak to a senior officer like that.
Ever! Constable Thompson? My office.
Now.
Look, I know what she was implying there and I'm not having it.
Besides, how can I be racist when my Go-To wet dream is Oti off Strictly? You've got me there, sir.
Spike, have you spoken to him about the whiff? No, not yet.
Do it before it goes nuclear.
All right.
Now, I know that I'm supposed to pretend that I DON'T know all the ins and outs of everybody's private lives out there, but you know the rules, fine for two officers to have a bit of love action, not fine when it affects how they do the job or how they speak to a DCI.
We all know he's racist.
Yeah, except for him.
I know, and I promise it will be dealt with.
But the fact is we're stuck with him until Marilyn comes back from her suspension.
So don't let the fossil fart wind you up.
Yeah, well, just so you know, me and Stu aren't together any more anyway.
You're just over-reacting to that stuff with your cousin, that's all.
How do you know? Told you, all the ins and outs.
Nobody said that the road to happiness was going to be a smooth one.
But trust me, this is just a little pot-hole, it's not a sink hole.
You'll be back together before long.
And if you're not, well, bit like what me Scottish gran used to say "What's for you'll nae get past you".
What does that even mean? God knows, she was in a home by then.
Could see Colonel Gaddafi behind the curtains.
Come on.
You get back out there and be the lippy, brilliant cop that we all know you are.
Oh, and before you do Erm, I can come back if it's not No, no, no, you're all right.
What can I do you for? Erm, I, er I just wanted to say, about before It won't happen again.
You're right.
It won't.
But apology accepted.
Hey.
Don't let it upset you, Tegan.
What did Marilyn say? A lot of things, ending in "off" but she has agreed to work on Pembroke tonight.
What if she can't persuade him? No bait, no Beckett.
No job to come to in the morning.
It has to be WHEN she persuades him.
Not if.
OK, so when you've heard from Marilyn that she's got the money, I'll tell Bonnie.
Beckett said he'd call Dennis tomorrow to make sure he'd got it.
But he didn't say when he'd call or where Dennis should meet him.
I thought that you had promised Tessa a pizza and box set tonight? Yeah, I did, but I think I should be here.
She'll say you should be there.
- Yeah, but - Go on.
That cyst of hers must be the size of a grapefruit by now.
More like a melon.
Get gone.
Christ, Vivienne, I've pulled more strings than Harpo Marx for you.
Pembroke came through.
Two weeks in Malibu, spunk the rest off in Vegas, who'd know? Hit the gas, Thelma.
That is "confiscated" money, remember? Borrowed bait, for 24 hours only.
If you don't get Beckett in that time, that's going straight back to HQ's vault.
Right, I've booked a Brazilian for 11.
Thought I'd see what all the fuss was all about.
Enjoy the rest of your lady garden leave, then.
Vivienne? This cannot go wrong.
- Come! - Can I just have a minute, sir? Yeah.
Deering doesn't suspect, does she? Eyes like a bastard chameleon.
Oh, no, no, not a clue.
No, I know how to play her.
Good man.
Are you OK? Yes, sweating cobs.
Think I might have a shower.
Have you seen the showers, here? They're like a power shower, good.
I can show you if if you're going that way.
Oh, Christ.
This isn't what I think it is, is it? I'm sorry.
I didn't want to bring it up.
I know you're a senior officer.
I'm just trying to say it as it is, mate.
No, not you, Spike.
No way.
Not me what? I never had you down as a knob jockey.
What?! Jesus, no! That's not what I'm talking about! What are you going on about showers and shit for? Because it's It's You can have that.
I've got three of them at home, gift sets from Christmas.
Are you saying I smell? It's, no, it's the air-con.
See, the air-con is on the blink and it can get really stuffy.
You can use that.
Is that all? Yeah.
HE COUGHS Oh! Bonnie.
'Cinderly arches, 15 minutes.
' Ma'am.
We need to go.
Now.
Aren't you meant to be at the Mayor's swanky do at the Town Hall? Yeah, that's what I've come to tell you.
I think I'm going to stick around in case Beckett comes out of hiding.
What if he doesn't? You'll have missed your guest of honour spot and jam roly poly for pud, I'm told.
You can take PC Mitchell with you.
We'll keep you posted.
You don't want to let the Mayor down, now, do you? You get anything, I want to hear.
Oh, that goes without saying, sir.
Wait until I give you the nod before you tell him about Beckett.
Ma'am.
Think it was the jam roly-poly that swung it.
Is it my imagination or has the whiff-o-meter dialled down a notch? Deffo.
Blue-eyed boy's still got it.
Right, shift.
Over five minutes late.
This could be a test.
See if Dennis has been tailed.
Look.
It's him, Dennis.
'Stick to the plan, OK?' Do exactly as I say.
No pissing about.
Millets have gone down the nick, haven't they? 'Now try to get him to admit to the fake hit.
'We need him to say Caroline's name.
' Look.
It's all there, Joe, what McCoy owes you for the fake hit.
Bet you wish you'd shot the bitch dead, saved all this pissing about.
He's holding something in his hand, what? What's in his hand, Den? What's this? Phone a friend? Back up.
Mobile phone.
'What for?' 'You might have been tailed.
' Well, I wasn't.
I'd know.
Yeah, well, just in case.
A little farewell from our old mate, Randy.
You wired a device to him? It's a bomb.
I take my finger off this button, boom.
Where is this Randy, Den? Usual target? Yeah, of course.
'Miller, find out who's Randy.
' Beckett just said something about "my old mate", could be Army? Fucking Randy? How the hell's Beckett persuaded someone to have a load of explosives strapped to them? "Usual target"? Asian kids.
Could be another school? Or a mosque? Mosque is more likely.
60-odd mosques in Manchester, five or six in town and at least 20 in the south.
The one near the abattoir he worked in.
Could be miles from where he's been hiding out, couldn't it? Could be anywhere.
He knows this side of Manchester, though.
He's more likely to have targeted somewhere round here, isn't he? Yeah, I'm going to go with Dinah's joined-up thinking.
So if Randy is within a two-mile radius, we need to search those mosques first.
Miller? Good.
You've not ordered mobile phone masts nearby to be switched off? Was just about to.
Why? We don't know how he's rigged the device yet.
A switch-off might detonate it.
Might not, but you can't risk it.
Control, calling all officers.
Check all mosques in South Manchester.
We're looking for a bloke carrying a rucksack, carrier bag, anything.
'Beckett's planted a bomb on him.
Goes by the name of Randy.
' SIRENS WAIL If Dennis hasn't the smarts for this, then a whole load of people are going to be blown to bits.
You need to keep him talking, Den.
Why don't you just piss off out of here? Take the money and the shooter and go? I'll give you the bag, and you deactivate the bomb, yeah? Since when have you been arsed about a load of ragheads dying? What's blowing up a load of Muslims going to prove, though? I'm not risking it.
Viv, you can't show your face.
The whole op will fail.
That was before we knew that Beckett had strapped a bomb to somebody who's out there right now.
PHONE BUZZES - Miller? - It's not a bloke we're looking for.
He's gone and nicked a frigging goat! Randy, or Lance Corporal Randolph, to give him his full title.
Never had a goat named after me before, a rabbit, yes.
I digress.
Look, it's the goat from his old regiment.
A goat? A goat! Jesus Christ.
Take the reins.
Now, as soon as we find that goat, call bomb squad in.
What about Terry Dactyl? Well, you'll have to stall him for as long as you can.
No, Viv.
Viv, wait! Just in case, you'll make a cracking DI.
Not as good as me, obviously.
A goat? Is this a wind-up? Course I'm going to make a go of it with her, yeah.
She's pregnant.
No.
No.
No! GUN CLICKS I hope they've offered you more than 30 pieces of silver.
I'm sorry, mate.
I had no choice.
You did, but you chose them over me! No, I chose Bonnie and the baby.
OK, I know that despite the fact you're surrounded by armed officers, it's you that's in control here.
What do you want, Joe? I want you to stop the lame attempt at trying to become my mate, for a kick-off, and cut the "Joe" shit! Fair do's.
"Bastard" it is, then.
I only ask cos I assume that, with or without your back-up plan, you want to walk out of here in one piece, with 40K and your gun, and just disappear? How could you be turned by her, eh? A little squashed Madonna.
I don't give a shiny shit what you call me but you need to know that if you pick up that bag and you walk off, you will be followed.
Now, you can't run away forever.
You can't run away from this, all that hate.
The PTSD that they never properly treated you for, it'll still be there.
Now, if you take your finger off that button and you blow up a load of innocent people, we've got nothing left on the table to discuss.
And if I don't blow them up, you're just going to let me go, are you? No, of course not.
You killed a brilliant officer of mine, a good friend.
No, you'll serve a sentence, but for how long depends on you not detonating that bomb.
Negative at Flat Field.
On our way to Cinderly Mosque.
Received.
I'm not serving time for you lot, yeah? Not no-one! Not one day! Give me the gun, Dennis.
- What you going to do, Joe? - I'm going to shoot some pigeons.
What the fuck do you think I'm going to do?! If I'm going out, I'm going out on my terms! If you give me the gun, I won't set the bomb off.
I'll hand the phone over here to Inspector Fat Madge.
I'm not going to stand here and watch you kill yourself.
No way.
Kabul, Sangin, Kandahar, and this one, this one you know, because this one I took for you.
Come on, just give me the gun, Den.
You owe me at least! Give me the gun! Dennis, come on.
Give me the gun! TRAIN RATTLES Don't do it, Dennis.
How do I know that you're not going to shoot one of my officers? You don't.
It's your call, the gun or the bomb? He had put a goat at Cinderly mosque.
A couple of girls untied it.
Where is it, then? I'm not sure, fella said he saw them heading towards Cinderly Market, so we're on our way there.
If you find it, you wait till bomb squad are there.
SIREN WAILS OK, before Dennis gives you the gun for you to blow your brains out, make your last words an admission that Caroline McCoy arranged a fake assassination, and that you were the gunman.
You just need to say that it's true, and then Dennis will hand you the gun, you stop that bomb and you can leave this world on your own terms.
Two words, "It's true.
" Two words, get fucked.
They're your terms, not mine.
Dennis! Give me the gun! Come on, Dennis.
Do you think that McCoy didn't know that Dirkin had paid Dennis to shoot you? No, neither do I.
And if you don't say those words, then she's going to come up smelling of roses and you are going to end up reeking of failure.
Is that what you want? Stick together.
There it is.
All right, girls? Where did you get that goat? Erm, the goat shop.
Thing is, we're going to need to borrow this goat, just for a minute.
No.
We found it.
It's ours.
Right, you know that psycho who poisoned the Halal meat? Well, he's wired that goat with a load of explosives, so if you don't hand it over, we're all going to be in bits, literally.
Run! Bomb on that goat! Bomb! GOAT BLEATS We've found the goat at Cinderly Market.
It's on the run.
Right, wait till bomb squad are there.
We can't.
It's in with a load of people.
We've got to get it out of here.
All officers to Cinderly Market.
Miller, get down there, they need all the help they can get.
Jonah, we've found the bomb.
It's strapped to a goat running around Cinderly Market.
Tegan and Stuart are trying to catch it.
You'll have to give Terry Dactyl the heads-up, Bomb Squad are on their way.
Copy that.
Give the goat apples, one at a time.
Lead it away from the marketplace to somewhere safe.
What Cinderly has needed for ages is a proper Chief Inspector, but unfortunately I couldn't find one.
I'm joking! Ladies and gentlemen, DCI Terry Taylor.
Sir, Beckett's been found at Cinderly Arches.
Terry, what's going on? They've found Beckett at Cinderly Arches.
I need to be there.
All right, well, remember, this is your chance to shine.
Whatever you do, I'll back you to the hilt, but do it.
Erm, excuse me everybody, duty calls! Raise your glasses for DCI Terry Taylor! Bonnie, you need to go, Taylor can't find you here with us.
Dennis, just give me the gun! Dennis! Dennis, look at me.
Look at me, Dennis! Come on.
That's it, come on.
Come on, Rudolph.
It's Randolph.
Right, gents, can you do yourselves a favour and get gone? Move, guys, I need you to go down that way, please.
You too, madam.
Be safe, not cheeky! Guys, there's a bomb on the goat.
Just move that way, please.
Clear the area.
Here.
Apples, not oranges! Oh! No time to be picky about your food, Randy, Christ! Wait there.
The gun! Dennis, Dennis! - SIREN WAILS - Think of your kid.
Dennis! - CAR DOORS CLOSE - It's an order.
RADIO: DCI Taylor is on the scene.
He's now in command.
BELL RINGS We're going to run out of apples.
Stu, what I said about your dad before - GOAT BLEATS - .
.
I didn't mean it.
GOAT BLEATS BELL RINGS WOMAN: Denise, I won't tell you again.
Get a move on! Shit.
You there, I need you to move right back for me, please.
Get out the way! Get back! Everyone, clear the area! Give me the gun! Give me the! GUNSHOT Say it.
Shoot the subject.
GUNSHOTS Stuart? Tegan? Come in.
FEEDBACK HISSES DISTANT SIRENS WAIL Stuart! Ma'am Ma'am, I'm here, but Stu Viv, give us a minute.
SPLUTTERING Let's get the medics in, now! No, no, no, sweetheart.
Not you.
Not you.
HE EXHALES How did you? I legged it around the other side.
Ma'am, our brave boy is still in one piece.
The other good news, there's no serious casualties.
The bad news is Lance Corporal Randolph is spread over four postcodes.
Right, get a room or a wiggle on, Beckett's been shot.
Ah! I've got goat on me.
No, I tell a lie, it's pasty.
SIRENS WAIL He nearly said it, we could have had her.
DINAH PANTS Dinah, what you doing? He killed Joy.
Dinah, we need him alive, right? Now.
Come on.
OK One, two, come on! SIREN WAILS I thought he'd shot you.
I had to give the order.
I know.
Aside from one dead goat, no casualties from the bomb.
I had no choice.
Is he dead? I don't know.
What was he saying? What did he want? He was just banging on about betrayal, loyalty, being used by people he thought he could trust, that sort of thing.
I'm a woman of my word, Terry, I'll back you all the way.
MACHINE BEEPS STEADILY My mate Spike just entered the room.
You two met.
He was the one who was nearly not with us today, but he is and he forgives you.
Like all Joy's friends, he must.
Because the day you pulled a gun on Caroline McCoy, Joseph, you were paid to miss, weren't you? This could substantially change your defence.
Did Caroline McCoy pay for that stunt herself? One blink for yes HE MOANS .
.
two blinks for no.
BEEPING SPEEDS UP MACHINE FLATLINES SHE SPITS DOOR OPENS SIREN WAILS How many people would it take to shut this down? Hospitals don't seem to need much help these days.
No, no.
She's talking about the death certificate.
Well, there's us and, what, six staff finishing shift? Caroline McCoy doesn't know what he just chose to tell us.
Better still, she doesn't need to know if he's dead at all.
- Has he gone? - Far from it, Caroline.
So, how can I help you, lads? We're activating your Operation Dead Beckett.
You met your match, didn't you? We've an odd case transpiring.
- Give me a minute to break it to Dinah.
- I'll do it.
- This is a joke! - Hey, hey! Which dress for tonight? If we don't get her now, we never will.
- Oh, fuck! - This is karma.
- SIREN WAILS - He's not breathing.
No pulse.
Oi! Let me out! If this backfires, that's the lot of us.
- What? - Take her breath away.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Viv We need to string Caroline McCoy up, or I'm taking her out myself.
I'm not getting in.
GUNSHO /P/Sync /Body