Once and Again (1999) s03e05 Episode Script

~ bufgelfly ~
Because as I was saying
to the last caller,
you can't choose your family.
But you can choose whether or not
you shack up with a perverted loser.
So mean!
I'm Dr Sherri Snyderman
and we'll be right back after this.
Thank you.
You've already cancelled
7 shows this month.
- Six, not seven.
- Seven.
And for your information,
I don't need your permission
to cancel a show.
Read my contract.
I don't have to read it,
it says "best efforts."
- Correct!
- They didn't have chili, so
Seventeen shows in six weeks
is not best efforts. Not in my book.
- This isn't chili.
- You got a beef? Call Nedra!
I don't need to call anyone!
You're doing too many seminars.
And audiotapes and newsletters.
And God knows what else.
- How dare you!
- 10 seconds.
- It's true, dammit--
- How dare you threaten me
- in the middle of a show!
- You call this a threat?
Just because I have other commitments,
unlike yourself
You're spread too thin!
- Bite me!
- 5 seconds.
Where are my stupid, dum-dum notes?!
Don't touch my stuff!
Welcome back,
I'm Dr. Sherri Snyderman,
and this is the Sherri Snyderman Show.
Go ahead, caller.
Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
Nay, and you be so tardy,
come no more in my sight.
- I had as lief be wooed of a snail.
- Of a snail?
Ay, of a snail.
For though he comes slowly,
he carries his house on his head.
A better jointure, I think,
than you make a woman.
Besides,
he brings his destiny with him.
What's that?
Why, horns; which such as you are fain
to be beholding to your wives for.
Virtue is no horn-maker,
and my Roaslind is virtuous.
And I am your Rosalind.
And that of course if where Rosalind
begins to giggle uncontrollably.
Sorry! I'm Tad!
- What?
- Oh, right, play innocent!
- Dude, I am innocent!
- OK, since we've stopped
- Any comments?
- Whose water is that?
- Mine.
- Yes, Ajay
I think Tad was just being
the typical player.
I mean, Orlando.
- Can I finish it?
- Sure.
What about Rosalind's where?
Alexa?
It seemed like she lost her where.
I hate it when that happens.
Yes, Tad
Yeah, where it says
"though he comes slowly",
is that like another reference to sex?
- What do you think.
- Dude!
Good God, it's almost six!
Please take your revised rehearsal
schedules with you this time
And everyone! The Parent
Information Meeting has been moved
to this Friday night.
Same night as Tassio's bowling party!
Huge leap forward, today, people.
Huge.
Good night, thanks.
I''m sorry I laughed, I just
He was practically
nevermind.
Practically what?
Nothing.
I don't actually mind.
Mind what?
That he keeps you know!
Flirting with me.
Now you are shocked or something.
I wake up looking shocked
or something. Ignore it.
I've heard of flirting.
I didn't want you to think
I don't take this seriously.
Giggling is permitted,
in Shakespeare.
- It is?
- No flirting, though.
Tell Tad, he's the one who keeps
It just seems like a lot of time.
For something that isn't
- That isn't what?
- No noodles?
Oh ye of little faith.
That isn't classwork.
Mom, do you even realize
how important this play is?
Yes! I do! I'm just concerned--
Your mother's concerned
about the rehearsal schedule.
- I am too, so--
- You are?
Yes! There's only
so many hours in the day--
- How can you fit it all in?
- We just will, OK?
Exactly!
Mr. Dimitri is counting on us,
we can't quit.
Do you realize how many
people wish they were us?
- They do?
- Yes!
Just go to the meeting on Friday,
he'll explain the whole thing.
Grace! It's Tad.
Oh my God, Tad.
You were making me laugh so hard
I was just acting.
Well, it really struck me funny.
So hi.
Is Jessie there?
Her mom said she was, so
Hold on.
I caught that Dr. Sherri show again.
You did?
Yeah, I'm addicted! She's so mean.
It's for you.
Hey, it's Tad. From the play.
I finished your water?
Oh, yeah. Hi.
Who is that?
Just some boy.
So you're probably busy
this weekend, right?
Um, sort of, but
Yeah, everybody's busy these days.
Honeys, I'm home!
So have you memorized all your lines?
What's he like, is he cute?
Is who cute?
Mom. Can we eat?
I brought the permits.
Are those Szechuan noodles?
Are you coming to dinner every night?
Every single night.
And I'm gonna start using your razor.
So, you do or you don't know him?
Mom, he's in the play, OK?
That's what I need.
Someone to test me on my lines.
But no one will do it.
Well, I'll do it.
Like this Friday? Night?
Wait, that's Tassio's party.
So we could just do that.
So, I'll meet you there, OK?
Oh my God! Eli!
Eli, come here.
What? What happened?
You have to tell me
what just happened!
- Kids! We're eating!
- Oh my God!
Shush!
Guys, Jessie was just
asked out on a date.
Jessie, that's wonderful!
I may not even go.
- You don't like him?
- No, I do. I just
Well, you don't have to do anything
you're not comfortable with.
I know.
You know it's normal to be
nervous on your first date.
I'm gonna eat later.
Me too.
Gracie! Honey, sit down.
You were nervous, weren't you?
On your first date?
- I don't remember.
- You were nervous, on our first date.
I'm still nervous.
So, how did you
leave things with him?
I said yes. I think.
You can always change your mind.
Why would she do that?
Zoe! Dinner!
The point is, this is
a turning point!
And that's wonderful.
Isn't it.
Wonderful.
I'm so sorry,
have you been waiting long?
Karen?
Oh, no, no,
just for a few seconds
Is that Leo?
Wait, don't look yet.
Leo the adorable doctor, Leo?
Is it?
I thought it was.
You're disappointed.
Do you miss him?
I just thought it was him,
that's all.
Thanks.
So, I saw Jessie yesterday,
she has gotten so gorgeous.
Wait until you hear
about her big news.
Oh, I know, her first date!
Oh, no. Not again.
Karen, I'm so sorry,
I happened to be over there--
Don't be silly, don't even apologize.
I was just gonna tell you that
she's been given two solos. In the play.
Well that's
Yeah, she's the only one. With two.
Well, of course she's
going to be disappointed!
Got the numbers?
Oh, right, sorry
What do you mean, why. Jake!
I'm upset because Zoe was looking
forward to an evening with her farther!
Just one second.
No, if you're gonna disappoint
your own daughter, do it yourself.
Jake, I have to go.
Sorry.
That was my ex-husband.
He can just be so completely--
You don't want to hear about this.
No, you can tell me anything.
As long as it's not about people.
Now, what is your stupid question?
Well, I've been dating this man for--
Dating?
Shacking up.
She's so mean.
She's worse than mean. She's wacko.
And when exactly was
this decision reached?
Karen, it's a date. Not Vatican Two.
Rick, don't do this to me, OK?
Do what?
Don't put me in a position where
I'm forced to take some sort of action--
Action? Karen, what action?
You think I want to have this
conversation with you over and over?
- Then don't have it!
- I have to.
I'm being completely left out of
the decision-making process!
There's no process,
we were having dinner--
I don't care,
I'm not comfortable with--
- She may not even go!
- with the way things are being handled.
So have you at least
laid eyes on this boy?
Of course I have.
Of course.
So what's he like?
You know. Swarthy.
A convicted felon.
So does she really like him?
Or something?
I don't know. I guess so.
God
How did we get here?
I know.
So just because Karen heard
about this from my bigmouth sister
It has nothing to do
with your bigmouth sister.
- But you're gonna let her go. Right?
- I don't know.
I mean, who is this boy?
His name is Tad,
what more do you need to know?
I've never even laid eyes on him!
My eye is squeaking.
When I rub it,
it makes this squeaking sound.
Lemme hear.
It's not gonna do it
while you're listening.
There. You hear that?
No. But I do hear the ocean.
- I know what you're gonna say.
- What?
That her social life is expanding.
That it's positive.
It is positive!
I know!
And I'm happy about it, I am.
I don't think you are.
I think you're threatened, both of you.
Because she's growing up.
I don't mind her growing up.
I just don't want her to change.
You know what often
stops an eye from squeaking?
Intercourse.
I can't even remember my first date.
Matt Janowsky.
I just remember
all of a sudden. Boys. Calling.
No, she's not, may I take a message?
Like they'd been given
some kind of signal or something.
He had the highest SATs in our class.
He took me to "Earthquake".
Which was nice.
But it was kind of frightening.
She doesn't have a private number,
who is this?
Jessie, it's Ashley!
We stood in line in the rain,
and when his hair got wet,
it formed these tendrils.
Jess, it's Natasha!
A few years ago someone
told me he killed himself.
The highest SATs.
Besides me.
Telephone!
It's for you. Again.
So, should I bring my own shoes?
And I searched my bed,
and it wasn't there.
I dreamed I swallowed a bead,
and when I woke up
my tooth was gone!
See?
- Fascinating.
- OK, see you.
- Who was that?
- A friend of Tad's.
I said yes.
Jessie, that's wonderful.
It really is. Isn't it, Grace?
Wonderful.
I'm gonna go check my bed again.
- What are you wearing?
- I have no idea.
Four separate people have asked me that.
But it's just bowling, so
It's a party, though.
Wear what you're most comfortable in.
And then dress it up.
Do you have a pretty necklace,
or something?
I don't know.
I hate those really glittery ones
everybody's wearing now.
Just too glittery.
What about the one Grace is wearing?
That's not too glittery.
Yeah, something like that.
- Are those real seashells?
- Yeah.
It's seven thirty-five!
I know what you're gonna say.
You do not.
Fine, what am I gonna say?
That I should let her borrow
my necklace, because she's insecure.
And this one stupid date will be
like a life-changing experience for her,
or something.
Well, that is similar
to what I was gonna say.
I think it would mean so much her,
I think--
You don't lend me stuff,
when I go out.
How can you say that,
that's not true--
Last year, when I went to see
"Crouching Tiger" with Spencer,
I asked if I could borrow
youre gray pearl necklace
- That's completely different!
- How is it?
Those are real pearls,
Granpa gave me those pearls!
- So?
- So, what if you'd lost them?
I know what you're gonna say
and that is so not true.
Last year,
you lost everything I bought you.
Not this.
We should go.
You can borrow this necklace
on Friday if you want.
- I can?
- Sure. And if you need any makeup--
I wasn't gonna wear makeup.
I'm pretty good at putting it on people.
If you want me to.
Orlando kneels before her
And Rosalind
Gentleman, wear this for me.
One out of suits with fortune,
that could give more,
but that her hand lacks means.
You're just gonna hand me the necklace?
- Why not?
- Last time you
Remember?
She like slipped it over my head
What difference does it make?
I just thought it was cool.
- So, are you?
- Am I what?
Are you gonna do it that way?
I don't know, I'll do it how I do it!
Let's take a break.
Just use it.
Whatever you're feeling.
Just use it in the scene.
And do whatever you
want with that necklace.
Just try not to hurt him.
Much.
You make me want to upchuck!
You're the type of parent
that should have been sterilized!
Do you hear me, M'am?
M'am?
Lost her. Larry, some people
just can't take criticism.
Any who you're sharing with Sherri!
Les, your lunch
Yes, hi Dr. Sherri,
thank you for taking my call.
My fiancee and I
are having a problem--
Have you set a date?
- Excuse me?
- A date.
D-A-T-E! For the wedding.
Oh. No, we haven't settled
on a date yet, but
Then he's not your fiancee.
- Oh, he is, though--
- M'am. M'am!
Read my book. Take my seminar!
No date no engagement.
OK, but my question is
You're shacking up with him,
aren't you. Aren't you?
We do live together,
but that's not--
- You little whore.
- Go to commercial.
What?
I say when we go to commercial!
Not anymore, you nut!
What did you call me?
A nut!
How dare you speak to me like that!
You old gas-bag!
You're a nut! You need help!
You'll be hearing from
my representatives, Cresswell!
And they'll be hearing from me!
Because you're a nut!
You should call yourself!
Les, we're almost out of commercial,
you want me to throw on a PSA?
Ten seconds!
Put the next caller through.
Hell, it's not rocket science!
We're back.
This is Les Cresswell.
I'm substituting for Dr. Sherri
who's been
called away.
And we're talking to Darlene.
Hello, Darlene,
what is your question.
Well, my ex-husband
we're divorced, but I still care
about him, on a human level,
he no longer speaks to his mother,
she was very rejecting,
he was a bedwetter,
but now she's dying, and I know part
of him wants to make peace with her,
but he can't open up, so,
should I say something, or
what should I do?
Well
I think--
I think
Yes, hello?
I think my colleague
has an opinion about that.
- What?
- Don't you, Lily?
Yes! Yes I do.
So
so your ex-husband was a bedwetter?
Well, good for you,
for surviving cancer!
What grade are you in?
Seventh.
And how long have your
parents been divorced?
OK, well,
were you listening to
the other caller?
Because we were having a whole
conversation about this
and I was saying that, for me,
it took a while to use the whole bed;
I mean, he was long gone,
and I was still all
scrunched over on "my" side!
Look, I'm no expert.
I'm not a psychologist or anything.
But I had a husband who cheated on me,
and all I'm saying is: she knows.
She just doesn't want to know.
That she knows.
E, why are you sitting in the
You gotta hear this.
Well, give it time, Susan.
I mean, when my husband
first met my daughters,
it was not love at first sight.
Believe me.
But time time helps.
For instance, my stepdaughter,
who is fifteen and so adorable,
is about to go out
on her very first date,
and I truly couldn't be more thrilled
if she was my own daughter! So
Just
Anyway, listen everyone,
thank you so much for your phone calls.
And
Thank you.
And we're out.
That was great, Lily.
Thank you guys, thank you.
You afraid to come inside?
What? No,
I was just sitting here thinking.
Why would I be afraid to come in?
Lil, we
- We heard you.
- You did?
- How did that even
- Rick.
You'd never believe what happened.
Well, you were great. You were
You were something.
What's wrong?
Nothing!
I just I think it was difficult
For the kids.
To be discussed like that.
Discussed?
I don't know what you were thinking--
I wasn't thinking!
There wasn't time to
This was like nothing I've ever
Next time, maybe you should think--
Next time?
There's not going to be a next time,
this was a once in a lifetime.
Why, what did I say?
You talked about Grace and Zoe and I
not getting along at first.
- Well, you didn't.
- And
you talked about Jessie going
on this date when I haven't even
I haven't even met the kid.
She thinks she's going! It's all she's
talked about on the phone all week.
- She's borrowing Grace's necklace!
- Grace's necklace?
- Whose idea was that?
- What difference does it make?!
Why are we arguing about this?
- I'm not arguing!
- Listen.
Ever since that kid called,
we've been at odds--
Because you keep acting
like you might not let her go!
Because I don't understand
why it's so important to you.
She is blossoming.
Before your eyes.
She's changing, and growing
and blooming.
And she needs you
to tell her that it's OK.
You never even asked me what
it was like to be on the radio.
What was it like?
I can't describe it.
- Thanks Dad.
- Alright.
Have a nice day.
Is that Tad?
No.
That's Tad.
Tad wanted to meet you.
Hi Mr. Sammler.
Hi Tad.
I know what you're gonna say
and I understand.
But you're the one who told me--
I figure I'll start you out small.
On the weekends.
- When nobody's listening.
- What?
And I want you to do a
segment with Michael tonight.
Let him ask you a few questions,
people want to know who you are.
They do?
Well, you heard about
all the phone calls.
- No, what phone calls?
- Well, there were some phone calls.
- There were?
- Apparently you struck a chord.
Let's hope you can
strike it once a week.
You can go.
But I told my husband I wouldn't--
- You don't want to hear about him.
- Just on the air.
How many phone calls?
I'm going.
When I imagined my first date,
I thought I'd be really excited.
Because I would be
in love.
Like this song?
That demented Dimitri
is making me sing,
"Heart Like a Wheel."
You know, that song?
Remind me.
Well, there's this one part, it goes:
"My love for you is
like a sinking ship,
my heart is on that ship
out in the ocean."
That's what I want to feel
towards somebody.
Like my heart is just
totally shipwrecked.
But I don't have any
of those feelings for Tad.
And I don't know why.
Call me a wet blanket,
but if you don't feel like going
on this date, maybe you shouldn't go.
That'll be a million dollars.
Hey Mom.
So I hear you're going on a date!
Where did you hear it, on the radio?
On the radio?
Lily was substituting
for that Dr. Sherri person,
and she sort of mentioned it.
She mentioned your date on the air?
Yeah, but I'm over it, OK?
So, does this person have a name?
His name is Tad, he's in the play.
He's really popular.
So what are you gonna wear?
That's the only thing
anybody asks me anymore.
If I said I was gonna kill myself,
they'd say: what are you gonna wear?
- Don't say things like that.
- Mom. I'm joking.
I never had the right clothes,
I never knew the right things to say.
My mother was the opposite of help.
I had friends, I guess, but
I was never
I was popular.
Which I know sounds easy, but
It was so hard.
How about you and I
go shopping right now?
What about the parents' meeting?
Well, how about if we
Don't worry about it,
I already know what I'm gonna wear.
I'm gonna wear my nice jeans,
and my pink flowered shirt,
and Grace is gonna lend me her necklace
and do my makeup.
Grace is?
So, if you could drop me there
Sure.
What happened to "Heart Like a Wheel?"
I just saw it here somewhere
I'm thinking about quitting.
I mean
I mean I think I may have to. Quit.
'Cause it's really a lot of time,
for something that isn't classwork.
And also, I wasn't
Is that it?
What?
You weren't what?
I wasn't feeling anything.
You said use what you're feeling,
I wasn't feeling anything.
Oh. Well.
And it seems like it's not working.
Tad and I don't seem
to have any chemistry.
Or anything.
Chemistry?
Yeah, where
you know.
Just listen to this.
Where it seems like you belong
with someone. Or something.
To close Act One.
What do you think?
I think
you should just give the part to
To?
To whoever you decide to give it to.
I've already done that.
I think
you are perfect for this.
Why do you like such weird music?
Exactly what are you implying?
Are you implying that I'm weird?
Careful. Don't let that guard down.
Then where will we be.
Do you mind if I stay here
and listen to this for a while?
Please.
What's that around your neck,
seashells?
It's lovely.
I like this music because
it's all broken in.
Like an old chair.
You can just curl up in it.
And rock.
Jessie's going on a date?
What is she, like nine?
The point is,
I wasn't even consulted.
Hang on a second.
Could you turn that down?
Which may sound trivial, but it's
absolutely counter to our agreement!
- Wait, I'll read it to you
- Karen, I believe you.
Here. Listen.
"All decisions regarding the children
shall be discussed by both parties
The parties shall confer concerning
the children's needs, growth and care."
So what are you saying, you want
to haul them into court, or just
I don't know!
This is your territory, not mine,
but this is not an isolated incident.
I mean, she talked about them, Gayle!
On the radio!
There's a whole pattern
of behavior here, I
I mean, I can't just do nothing!
Karen, listen, I've got a conference
call. Let me call you back, OK?
It's like they're deliberately
leaving me out of the equation!
Yeah, yeah, OK, call me back.
Grace? Where have you been?
Mr. Dimitri asked me to help him
get ready for the meeting.
Jessie waited for you for almost
an hour, you promised you'd put her--
I didn't know
he'd make me stay so late!
Anyway, she doesn't need
my necklace to go on a date.
I have to get over to that parent thing
and then back to the station.
You're going on the radio again?
Yeah, I am.
Why is your pearl necklace out?
Why is it out?
- I offered to let Jessie borrow it.
- You what?!
You promised her your necklace,
you were nowhere to be found.
So you offered her
your pearl necklace?
- What difference does it make--
- What difference does it make?!
Grace, please. Open the door.
I heard what you said, you know.
- What?
- On the radio.
You couldn't be more thrilled
if she was your daughter.
So why don't you just
pretend that she is!
You barely noticed my first date!
I did notice, I just
You didn't seem to need my help.
No, Mom, you didn't want to help,
because he was African-American,
and I'm not helpless,
and delicate, and perfect. Like Jessie!
Hey, is Rick there?
It's an architectural emergency.
No, he's not here.
- Cause I tried his cellphone--
- I'll tell him you called.
Look, I know why you're upset.
I mean, I know what you're gonna say.
You do.
That I shouldn't have told Karen
about Jessie's date.
And you're right.
Well, I shouldn't have told
half of Chicago.
What?
Judy, I screwed up with Grace.
I just had to do something,
she seemed so insecure!
- Gracie?
- Jessie!
I mean, she
I wanted to give her something.
Confidence. She was about to go
on her very first date
But she's so beautiful!
Don't you see?
At that age, even if you are,
you don't know you are.
But if your sister's beautiful,
even if she
she doesn't that she is,
it can sometimes make you feel
like you're not.
Or so I've heard.
Thanks for calling.
Anytime.
Karen, it's Gayle.
Listen, my schedule opened up.
Yeah, so, if you want to come by
tonight I'm gonna be here anyway.
What do you think, should we take
a look at that custody agreement?
I I need to call you back.
Sorry, I didn't mean to
It's no problem.
Karen, I was hoping
Could we talk for a second?
Talk about what?
I just feel like
like things have happened,
that may have seemed like I'm trying--
I'm not really prepared
to talk right now.
Oh. OK, I just
Actually, I
have something I wanted to say.
Well, you don't seem to need
my permission to talk. So
What? What does that mean?
I don't think it's appropriate
to use the kids as--
Nobody's using anybody
I wish that were true.
OK, parents?
First of all, welcome,
and thank you all for coming.
I know it's not easy to get away.
Before I take your questions,
I know there's been some concerns
about the rehearsing schedules.
Gayle? It's Karen.
I would like to come in tonight.
Well. Here we are.
I hope I'm not the first one there.
You want me to drive around
the block one more time?
No. I'll just go.
Dad, if this is a problem
between you and Mom
No, honey.
Nothing like that.
I'm just saying
if you guys don't want me to do this
That's not the situation.
Alright? I want you to enjoy yourself.
I really do.
- I forgot to give you something.
- What?
Here.
Open it.
Lily mentioned you were gonna
you were thinking of borrowing Grace's,
so I thought
Maybe you wanna have
one of your own.
It's the
It's the real glittery kind.
Apparently,
everyone's wearing them these days.
Thank you, Daddy.
You call me
when you want to get picked up.
Have a good time.
Have a seat, I'll be right with you.
This is After Sight Down
and I'm Michael Detricot,
we're back,
and we're talking with
the very delightful Lily Sammler
who recently saved the day
here at WIXB when she
bravely stepped in
for Dr. Sherri Snyderman
apparently suffered a
nervous collapse? Nervous exhaustion?
I'm not sure. Something nervous.
And you'd never been on
the radio before, is that right?
- Never.
- So, Lily.
You have no degree, no experience
What qualifies you
to give advice to people?
Well
Well, first of all, I don't listen.
I'm a terrible listener. That helps.
I'm convinced I'm completely right
and other people are completely wrong.
I'm always very happy to
tell them how wrong they are.
That really helps.
I mean, sure, I can be compassionate
with strangers.
But when it comes to dealing
with people I actually know?
I'm finding out I'm
i'm having more trouble
than I thought. I mean
I've noticed lately that
I've been more or less oblivious
to other people's pain.
For instance, I've spent
most of the last week just
blind, not even seeing
someone who has
been doing the absolute best they can.
Whose feelings
I have completely ignored.
Who has every right to
feel the way they do about me.
And if, by some miracle,
this person is listening right now,
I just wanted them to know
that I actually do understand.
And I'm truly sorry.
Thank you, Lily.
That was beautifully put.
It'll give me something
to think about.
Well, Michael, thank you
for the opportunity to say it.
I didn't think you'd still be here.
You realize you're off the air.
I was just thinking.
You OK?
Am I supposed to like it this much?
I don't know.
I know I did.
Come on, I'll walk you to your car.