Playing House (2014) s03e05 Episode Script
You Wanna Roll With This?
I found it.
What about this tweed jammer for the doctor's appointment? - Very Jackie O? - It's too formal.
You know, she had cancer.
I Googled it last night.
Stop Googling.
I'm gonna put a parent lock on your computer.
Why don't you put a lock on this? Hey, does this make you wanna cure my cancer? Go back in there, Arsenio Hall.
Hold on then a second.
Does this change things? If I were just to throw this on casually? Who throws on a beret casually? - Okay.
- Hey, why are we obsessing - about what we're gonna wear? - If she likes me, maybe she's gonna work harder to get the cancer out of me.
- That's not how it works.
- It is how it works.
Okay, this oncologist is no joke.
She was on "Oprah.
" - She was on "Oprah"? - That's right.
This is Dr.
Leslie Rollins.
She is legit the best of the best.
Well, that puts even more pressure on what I'm gonna wear.
You know what, let's stop by T.
J.
Maxx, - get a couple more options, okay? - Hey, hey, hey Maggie, I need an Oprah-level blazer.
All I've got in here is, like, Steve Harvey at best, - maybe Ricki Lake.
- Come here.
I don't know why you don't understand.
I do understand.
Are we losing our mind a little bit? - Little bit.
- Listen to me.
- We got this.
- Are you sure? I don't know if you've seen, uh, my binder.
What? What is that? I made you a little binder, baby girl.
"Cancer, you wanna roll with this?" [chuckles.]
When did you go to Paper Source? Last night while you were sleeping.
Don't worry about it.
There's one in Rhode Island that's open till 10:00.
It's got personalized tabs for appointments or research, or if you wanted to put various pamphlets in, or take notes.
Look at this pen.
I spent $78 on this pen alone.
Cancer ain't got nothing on these tabs.
Okay.
[exhales.]
I just need to figure out what candle to give her.
Oh, my God, you got her a gift? - That's weird! - AB-B-G, Always Be Bringing Gifts.
Okay, that's not the phrase.
Okay, so we've got Scent of Papaya - What? - Whispering Grass, and my personal favorite, Papa's Leather.
- Definitely not Papa's Leather.
- Why not? 'Cause nobody wants to smell that.
Hey, remember when.
All of time stood still? Doo-doo, doo-doo.
Back before we were brittle.
Back before we were brittle.
What do you need? Do you need something? I just kinda feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Okay, I have gingy; I have cashews.
- Maybe you need to eat something? - No, I think I'm okay.
[knocking on the door.]
What's happening in here? There's cancer in those boobs? That's a horrible inconvenience.
Let's get that out.
- [laughs.]
- I'm Dr.
Rollins.
- You must be Emma.
- I am, I am.
I'm Maggie, her, uh, best friend.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
Sorry, I don't mean to be crying so soon.
No, no, you no, let the tears flow.
This is a safe place.
This is a little overwhelming, isn't it? I was gonna wear a beret, and then Maggie said no.
- No beret.
- Oh.
[chuckles.]
She's doing good, though, right? - Yeah, she is.
- Yeah.
I'ma tell you one thing.
You're in the best hands, because I've been doing this for freaking ever.
And the even better news is you found the lump, so now we get to do something about it, - all right? - Okay.
I'm gonna tell you what I know.
If I talk too fast, you let me know.
So it looks like the tumor is only about two centimeters.
It does mean we have to do surgery.
Oh.
But we have a couple of options.
We can do a lumpectomy, which means I take just the lump, leave the rest of the breast, or we do a double mastectomy, meaning we take both the breasts.
Okay, um, well, what's gonna keep me the most alive? - Well - 'Cause I have a, um I have a one-year-old daughter, and I mean, she's not my daughter - Yeah, she is.
- She's Maggie's baby, but I have to just - It's okay, it's okay.
- I just wanna, um I need to make sure that I'm here for her.
- Do you understand? - Yes, got it.
Research shows that a lumpectomy plus radiation is just as effective as a double mastectomy.
But what would you do if you were me? Every case is different, but with these results, and your age, and the fact that you have a toddler at home, I would have those boobs off me so fast, my head would spin.
Then take them off.
You don't wanna think about it? - No, tomorrow, do 'em.
- You heard her.
- Let's take 'em off.
- Take 'em off.
- You girls mean business.
- Both: Yeah.
I don't know if you've seen this binder, but it says, "Cancer, you wanna roll with this?" - I like you two a lot.
- We like you.
- We like everything about you.
- I've thrown a lot at you.
You have questions? Maggie, what else do we have? I had all these questions, but she answered most of them.
All right, you know what, forget here, this is my cell.
All right? Call me day or night, anytime, any questions.
And no Googling.
- I'm the Google.
- Okay.
Can you say that one more time? No, okay, I get it.
She's your Google.
No Googling.
Um, I just have one more question.
Yeah? Uh, do you think I'm gonna kick it? - Kick it? - She means kick it, like die.
Um, I think you're gonna kick cancer's ass.
- Really? - Yeah.
You're gonna be there to dance at Charlotte's wedding.
- You think so? - Yes not not that she has to get married.
We're not gonna force those kinda decisions on her.
- [laughs.]
Okay.
- Give me a hug.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- I'm so glad we found you.
- Good.
Hey, FYI, you might to get to keep your nips, right? That's correct.
I do a special nipple sparing surgery.
- Excuse me? - I do.
She's really proud of her nipples.
Oh, my God well they're just the perfect ratio of areola to nipple.
Oh, well in that case, let's go see Dr.
Meredith, to pick out the perfect boobs for the perfect nips.
[gentle guitar music.]
Yeah, they're really not much to speak of.
What? They're wonderful, - except for the cancer.
- [laughs.]
By the time I'm done with them, you're gonna have to sell tickets - Okay.
[laughs.]
- Okay? She's gonna give you the boobs of your dreams.
I really like the sound of that.
Okay, good, 'cause what Dr.
Rollins and I do it's called a one-step reconstruction.
So she's gonna scoop out all of the breast tissue, and then right away, I'm just gonna put in your brand new implants.
I'm the scooper, she's the boober.
- It's like Cold Stone Creamery.
- [laughs.]
Okay, let's put our fingers on some boobies.
This is a[laughs.]
it's a suitcase of boobs.
- That's so weird.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- All right which one of these feels most like your boobs? Um, okay, uh - I don't know.
- Really get in there.
Just really feel it.
I don't really touch my boobs that much, so I don't really know.
- Want me to give it a shot? - Please.
Kay.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Kay.
Hm Mm-mm.
It's number two.
- Number two it is.
- Drop the mic.
- [laughs.]
- It's number two! All right.
So look, I took the liberty of putting together a a to-go bag here for ya.
- What? For the hospital? - Yeah.
I'm not bringing this smelly bag to the hospital.
- Emma, I Febrezed it.
- You Febrezed it? I Febrezed the whole thing.
I don't know where this has been, and I don't wanna be a part of it.
Smell it.
- Right? - Yeah, that's nice.
Lilac.
Lilac and lavender.
- What is in here? - I got this has got necessities and, like, comfort items.
- Comfort items? - Yeah - What is this? - Like, I some tube socks, - three for a dollar.
- Oh, please, Don't go all out for me.
I just wanted to keep your feet warm.
I also wanted to protect the doctors from your sharp toes, 'cause they're not ready for that.
- They don't know that's coming.
- Okay, okay.
I just don't want anybody down there, for some reason to say, "I'm checking a staff oh! My "Oh, my veins, squirt, squirt, squirt," you know.
[both laugh.]
I just don't want anybody getting cut.
- Wow, okay.
- In the necessity category, I had to bring it back to the old school.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God, one of your classic mixes.
DJ Mark, 99.
7.
The Crush.
- What am I gonna play this on? - Shabwams.
What is this? A Walkman? - Yeah, yeah.
- Is this from evidence? It's from evidence.
But the socks are fresh, - as our the jams - Yeah, here.
So you got that, and then of course let me see we got the, uh my policeman sweatshirt, which you've been bogarting anyways, so there you go.
All right, so, uh, I will be by tomorrow to pick you guys up at 6:15 a.
m.
- And, um - You know what Oh, do you want a police escort? 'Cause I can do I can get the [imitates sirens.]
- No, you know what - Up top.
No, I actually, um [clears throat.]
I think that, uh, I can't have you there tomorrow.
Oh.
Okay.
'Cause I was thinking about it, and I I really need to just be strong, you know, and just, like, get it done, and I'm afraid if I see you That I'm gonna cry, and I don't wanna I don't wanna do that tomorrow.
- Absolutely.
- Is that okay? Absolutely, honey, whatever you need.
Okay.
Whatever you need.
Yeah.
Hey How are you feeling? Are you cold? Yeah, I could use another one of those warm blankets.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm gonna do a special nurse trick.
- Ooh.
- Do my burrito feet wrap.
Ooh, I like seeing you do your work, girl.
[giggles.]
- Where my girls at? - [both laugh.]
All right, you excited to meet your new boobs? - That's exciting.
- I am.
First thing's first, all right.
Settle this for us.
What kind music should we play during the surgery? You're not gonna hear it, but we usually do Cyndi Lauper.
She's really going through a real Pat Benatar phase - right now.
- Yeah, I want Fleetwood Mac.
Oh, okay, you wanna do the sexy witch thing? - I'm on board for that.
- Okay.
- How are you feeling, honey? - I feel okay.
The anesthesiologist just left, and he said it would take a little while for the drugs to kick in.
- You wanna pop up? - Sure.
I'm just mark up your breasts real quick here.
- [clears throat.]
- Your gown.
How long is the surgery gonna last? It's gonna be about four hours.
Oh, four.
That's, uh, longer than I had thought.
Do you guys stop for snacks? Ma-Maggie, did you bring snacks for them? I didn't.
I could run out and grab something.
- What do you guys like? - No, no, that's okay.
I'm good.
I brought something from home.
I like to have a turkey hoagie right in the middle of surgery, - but Laura's more of a salad gal.
- Oh, yeah.
What's that now? We're kidding.
We're not gonna stop for a hoagie in the middle of your surgery.
Who does that? We're focused on you, and only you.
Okay, well, hoagies, I love you, guys.
Uh-oh, okay, looks like the drugs are kicking in.
- Hello? - [both laugh.]
You guys are hoagies.
- We're all hoagies.
- We are.
- Yeah.
- You got our numbers.
I don't know if you need any extra help, but if if you wanted me in there, I'm I'm a nurse.
She's a really pretty nurse, guys.
Thank you, Maggie, but you you did your job.
You got her here.
We're gonna do our job now.
And don't worry about anything.
She's gonna do great.
Gonna go get the show on the road.
- Okay, little hoags.
- [both laugh.]
Uh so, um, looks like they're kicking me out, so I'm gonna get out of here, but you're gonna do so great, and I'm gonna be there right when you wake up, okay? Okay, I love you, Mama.
I love you too.
Okay.
[mouths word.]
[sighs.]
What are you guys doing here? Since Mark wasn't allowed to come, he asked us to come instead.
- [sniffles.]
- Permission to hug? Granted.
[gentle guitar music.]
Okay, guys, I'm gonna need backup.
[chuckles.]
- You need anything, Maggie? - Oh, I'm good.
- Thanks again for coming.
- No problem.
'Cause if there's anything you need, - all you have to do is ask.
- I'm really I'm I'm great.
- 'Cause we're here for you.
- Thank you.
[whispers.]
Thank you.
You want some reading material? I looked through one of these magazines.
They had pictures of kitchens.
I know women like kitchens, so - I do like kitchens.
- Okay, guys, you heard her.
Let's find some more kitchens.
[phone beeps.]
- What's that? - Oh, it's a game I play.
I'm a lonely troll, and I have to kill orcs in order to get more gold for my clan.
- Hm.
- Yeah.
[phone trills.]
Oh, no, that's an orc attack.
Paul, she doesn't wanna hear about your game.
- She asked.
- Put it away.
But they'll take my village.
Her friend is in surgery.
Put the game away.
I'll never get him out.
Oh, Maggie, if you're hungry, I brought some smoked meats.
Oh, wow, that has a a real scent to it.
Thank you.
I make my own spice rub.
I call it Ian's Song of the South.
You might wanna change that.
You want a taste? It's really moist.
Um, it's tempting.
Uh, I think I'm I'm actually gonna go stretch my legs.
Oh, we can stretch 'em for you.
Yeah, we'll stretch your legs.
I'll stretch my own legs, but thank you.
All right.
We'll just hold down the fort then.
- Okay.
- Orc attack? [phone beeps.]
Turn off that turn off that phone.
- [groans.]
- Hey, Maggie Hey.
Look, I was trying to find you.
I just dropped in on the operating room, and it's going really well.
- Yes! Are you serious? - Yeah.
She's okay? She's doing okay? Am I shouting? Yes, a little bit.
It couldn't be going better - Okay, good.
- All right? We got her halfway through, and she's doing great.
That is that is a relief.
How are you doing? You know, I'm great.
[chuckles.]
Just chilling.
'Cause this can be pretty hard.
Yeah.
- It's really hard.
- Yeah.
'Cause I I don't know what to say to her, you know, and sometimes, I don't even have an answer, or sometimes, I'll say something, and then I'm like, "Why did I say that?" But I'd like to do something.
I would really like to be able to do something.
So I end up driving to Paper Source at 9:45 at night, buying a $78 pen, and a binder that's only gonna have one pamphlet in it.
And it's about saving your nipples, 'cause her nipples[whimpers.]
are really important to her.
Listen, Maggie, I just wanted to assure you that you're doing exactly what you should be doing, okay? Because you found her the best doctors.
Yeah.
And I know you're saying the right things to her, because I've seen you guys together, and you know her better than anyone else.
- And you caught it early - Yeah.
And you're making sure that she gets treatment straight away, so - Thank God she was so nosy.
- [chuckles.]
- She is a piece of work, right? - [chuckles.]
If you would knew the the lengths that she would go to for me And you for her, clearly.
Hey, come on.
You're gonna be okay.
What is that? - I'm, you know I'm just - [chuckles.]
- Can I have a hug? - Yeah, of course.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
All right.
- Thank you.
- Mm-kay.
- Okay? - Yeah.
You're getting better at this bedside manner thing.
[chuckles.]
Well, you know, I'm I'm sort of, um, practicing a bit.
Is that so? Yeah, I did, uh, try it on one patient.
- No.
[laughs.]
- Yeah, I mean, she you know, she can't hear, so it's fine.
- [laughs.]
- Maggie? Is this man making you cry? Oh, no, guys, I'm I'm good.
Okay, Doctor, carry on.
Stand down.
Sorry, so you have a police escort? Emma and I taught the police force how to striptease.
- No big deal.
- Of course you did.
[gentle guitar music.]
Mark? What are you doing out here? Hey, what's up? I was just, um, taking a break from checking out these, uh these expired registrations.
- That sounds like a lie.
- Okay, it is.
How how's she doing? Do you do you know anything? Yes, Dr.
Ericson, um, stopped by the operating room, and she's everything's going great.
Yes yes! Okay, that's great.
That's good that's good to hear.
Do, uh do we know what do we know about these these ladies, though? - The doctors? - Yeah, 'cause, you know, I've been I was checking the the police database to see if they had ever been arrested, and they and they weren't, but they they may have aliases.
- That's the thing, so - Okay they are literally the best breast cancer doctors in the whole world, okay? They were on "Oprah.
" Well, yeah, but what what does Oprah know? - Well, a few things.
- They just gotta get it right.
They they they have to really just they gotta get it done.
'Cause I just finally I, you know I got her back, and now I can't I know.
Okay, you know who we're talking about, right? Emma? She's, like, the strongest, most aggressive person that we know.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
You think that this is gonna take her down? No way.
Not today.
All right, I think you should come inside with me.
No, she made it perfectly clear that she does not want me in there.
You know, you don't have to listen to her, right? Oh, I didn't I was not aware that was an option.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, that's the secret of our friendship is that she just talks for a long time, and then I act like I'm listening, but then I just do whatever I want.
- Okay.
- Yep.
Oh, also, um, they got Shastas from, like, Wait a minute, they got straight Shastas up in here? Straight Shastas.
Straight Shastas.
All right, here we go.
And five, six, seven, walk, and fierce, fierce, squish, squish.
Pop that booty, booty, and move that freaking booty.
- Yeah! - [claps, laughs.]
Oh, nice, Tony.
I'm impressed.
Since our strip show, I've been taking private lessons.
Well it's paying off in spades.
- [laughs.]
That's right.
- Knock, knock.
So we got all the cancer out.
- [cheering, yelling.]
- Yeah! All right! Maggie Maggie, can you can you[clears throat.]
Yeah, yeah.
What's There's one thing.
It's just, um, I underestimated how very small her actual breasts were.
We hadn't seen breasts that small since we operated on an old Sicilian grandmother.
She's gonna repeat that detail.
I had to make 'em a little bigger.
Do you think she's gonna be upset about that? Oh, I think she'll be all right.
They're gonna be bigger, guys! All right! If that's what she wants.
That's what she wants.
She's gonna want it.
Oh, my God, I love you guys so much.
Aww.
[laughs.]
- [giggles.]
- You're welcome.
Hey.
Hey, Mags.
How'd it go? Oh, great.
They got it all out.
- They did? - Yeah, and you're gonna love your new knockers.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
We're gonna have to go bra shopping, 'cause they had to make 'em a little bigger, - but I said that was okay.
- Yay.
[chuckles.]
Hey, do you know where my socks are? I don't think I packed socks, but I I can ask, if you want me to.
No, no, no, no, I need my socks.
- I need the ones that I have.
- Hey, guys.
- Mark.
- Hey, Em.
Hey.
I got bigger boobs.
Well, okay, yeah.
You can show those to me at another time.
Um, I know that you told me not to come - Oh, no.
- But Maggie told me we don't have to listen to you anymore.
No, you do have to listen to me.
I don't think so.
I think I think those are the rules now.
- No, those are not the rules.
- That's right.
Those are indeed the new rules.
- That's correct.
- No listening to Emma.
I have cancer, so you have to do whatever what I say.
But you don't.
You don't have it anymore.
- They took it all out, so now - All out of you.
- Don't make me laugh.
- No? Just go get me my socks, please.
Okay.
Do you know where these socks are? I do.
I have 'em.
I I I know exactly what she's talking about.
- Mr.
Rodriguez to the rescue.
- [giggles.]
- Only three for a dollar.
- Isn't that amazing? - Oh, well, don't go all out.
- That's what I said.
These are just to put on her feet to protect anybody who comes by from her vicious sharp toes.
Stop saying ow.
- Emma Scissor-toes.
- [all laugh.]
- Guys - Okay, we need to let her rest.
Guys, come here come here for a second.
- What, honey? What? - Come here for a second.
- What? - I love you dummies.
- Well, we love you, weirdo.
- I love you too.
Don't move.
It'll hurt.
Get it, C-Tates.
Get it.
God, Channing Tatum is a physical specimen.
His abs should be in the Smithsonian.
- He's also a great dad.
- Oh, yeah.
I heard he likes to change diapers, like, all the time.
- Oh, man, that's sexy as hell.
- Yeah.
Hey, I wonder with my new titties, - if I can get a man like that.
- Hm.
Would that be okay with you, Mark? You know, the moves are good.
The moves are really, really good, but he's no match for DJ Mark of 99.
7.
The Crush.
- No, no.
- He isn't.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
You're right, babe, he isn't.
- The doctor wants to see you.
- Char-bar! Give me, give me, give me, give me.
Oh, no, no, you can't hold her.
Okay, okay, just put her down here, though, then, 'cause I gotta get a feel of that sweet, sweet baby skin.
- Come here, sweet girl.
- Hi, Mama.
- Get in here.
- I missed you.
- She missed you too.
- Aww.
Hey, Char, that's Channing Tatum.
Oh, she's seen this movie several times.
Excuse me? What do you think we screen at 2:00 a.
m.
? The Pony Dance puts her to sleep No, no.
But it revs Mama up.
- Okay.
- Yeah! Is this, uh, "Toy Story 4"? What?
What about this tweed jammer for the doctor's appointment? - Very Jackie O? - It's too formal.
You know, she had cancer.
I Googled it last night.
Stop Googling.
I'm gonna put a parent lock on your computer.
Why don't you put a lock on this? Hey, does this make you wanna cure my cancer? Go back in there, Arsenio Hall.
Hold on then a second.
Does this change things? If I were just to throw this on casually? Who throws on a beret casually? - Okay.
- Hey, why are we obsessing - about what we're gonna wear? - If she likes me, maybe she's gonna work harder to get the cancer out of me.
- That's not how it works.
- It is how it works.
Okay, this oncologist is no joke.
She was on "Oprah.
" - She was on "Oprah"? - That's right.
This is Dr.
Leslie Rollins.
She is legit the best of the best.
Well, that puts even more pressure on what I'm gonna wear.
You know what, let's stop by T.
J.
Maxx, - get a couple more options, okay? - Hey, hey, hey Maggie, I need an Oprah-level blazer.
All I've got in here is, like, Steve Harvey at best, - maybe Ricki Lake.
- Come here.
I don't know why you don't understand.
I do understand.
Are we losing our mind a little bit? - Little bit.
- Listen to me.
- We got this.
- Are you sure? I don't know if you've seen, uh, my binder.
What? What is that? I made you a little binder, baby girl.
"Cancer, you wanna roll with this?" [chuckles.]
When did you go to Paper Source? Last night while you were sleeping.
Don't worry about it.
There's one in Rhode Island that's open till 10:00.
It's got personalized tabs for appointments or research, or if you wanted to put various pamphlets in, or take notes.
Look at this pen.
I spent $78 on this pen alone.
Cancer ain't got nothing on these tabs.
Okay.
[exhales.]
I just need to figure out what candle to give her.
Oh, my God, you got her a gift? - That's weird! - AB-B-G, Always Be Bringing Gifts.
Okay, that's not the phrase.
Okay, so we've got Scent of Papaya - What? - Whispering Grass, and my personal favorite, Papa's Leather.
- Definitely not Papa's Leather.
- Why not? 'Cause nobody wants to smell that.
Hey, remember when.
All of time stood still? Doo-doo, doo-doo.
Back before we were brittle.
Back before we were brittle.
What do you need? Do you need something? I just kinda feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Okay, I have gingy; I have cashews.
- Maybe you need to eat something? - No, I think I'm okay.
[knocking on the door.]
What's happening in here? There's cancer in those boobs? That's a horrible inconvenience.
Let's get that out.
- [laughs.]
- I'm Dr.
Rollins.
- You must be Emma.
- I am, I am.
I'm Maggie, her, uh, best friend.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
Sorry, I don't mean to be crying so soon.
No, no, you no, let the tears flow.
This is a safe place.
This is a little overwhelming, isn't it? I was gonna wear a beret, and then Maggie said no.
- No beret.
- Oh.
[chuckles.]
She's doing good, though, right? - Yeah, she is.
- Yeah.
I'ma tell you one thing.
You're in the best hands, because I've been doing this for freaking ever.
And the even better news is you found the lump, so now we get to do something about it, - all right? - Okay.
I'm gonna tell you what I know.
If I talk too fast, you let me know.
So it looks like the tumor is only about two centimeters.
It does mean we have to do surgery.
Oh.
But we have a couple of options.
We can do a lumpectomy, which means I take just the lump, leave the rest of the breast, or we do a double mastectomy, meaning we take both the breasts.
Okay, um, well, what's gonna keep me the most alive? - Well - 'Cause I have a, um I have a one-year-old daughter, and I mean, she's not my daughter - Yeah, she is.
- She's Maggie's baby, but I have to just - It's okay, it's okay.
- I just wanna, um I need to make sure that I'm here for her.
- Do you understand? - Yes, got it.
Research shows that a lumpectomy plus radiation is just as effective as a double mastectomy.
But what would you do if you were me? Every case is different, but with these results, and your age, and the fact that you have a toddler at home, I would have those boobs off me so fast, my head would spin.
Then take them off.
You don't wanna think about it? - No, tomorrow, do 'em.
- You heard her.
- Let's take 'em off.
- Take 'em off.
- You girls mean business.
- Both: Yeah.
I don't know if you've seen this binder, but it says, "Cancer, you wanna roll with this?" - I like you two a lot.
- We like you.
- We like everything about you.
- I've thrown a lot at you.
You have questions? Maggie, what else do we have? I had all these questions, but she answered most of them.
All right, you know what, forget here, this is my cell.
All right? Call me day or night, anytime, any questions.
And no Googling.
- I'm the Google.
- Okay.
Can you say that one more time? No, okay, I get it.
She's your Google.
No Googling.
Um, I just have one more question.
Yeah? Uh, do you think I'm gonna kick it? - Kick it? - She means kick it, like die.
Um, I think you're gonna kick cancer's ass.
- Really? - Yeah.
You're gonna be there to dance at Charlotte's wedding.
- You think so? - Yes not not that she has to get married.
We're not gonna force those kinda decisions on her.
- [laughs.]
Okay.
- Give me a hug.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- I'm so glad we found you.
- Good.
Hey, FYI, you might to get to keep your nips, right? That's correct.
I do a special nipple sparing surgery.
- Excuse me? - I do.
She's really proud of her nipples.
Oh, my God well they're just the perfect ratio of areola to nipple.
Oh, well in that case, let's go see Dr.
Meredith, to pick out the perfect boobs for the perfect nips.
[gentle guitar music.]
Yeah, they're really not much to speak of.
What? They're wonderful, - except for the cancer.
- [laughs.]
By the time I'm done with them, you're gonna have to sell tickets - Okay.
[laughs.]
- Okay? She's gonna give you the boobs of your dreams.
I really like the sound of that.
Okay, good, 'cause what Dr.
Rollins and I do it's called a one-step reconstruction.
So she's gonna scoop out all of the breast tissue, and then right away, I'm just gonna put in your brand new implants.
I'm the scooper, she's the boober.
- It's like Cold Stone Creamery.
- [laughs.]
Okay, let's put our fingers on some boobies.
This is a[laughs.]
it's a suitcase of boobs.
- That's so weird.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- All right which one of these feels most like your boobs? Um, okay, uh - I don't know.
- Really get in there.
Just really feel it.
I don't really touch my boobs that much, so I don't really know.
- Want me to give it a shot? - Please.
Kay.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Kay.
Hm Mm-mm.
It's number two.
- Number two it is.
- Drop the mic.
- [laughs.]
- It's number two! All right.
So look, I took the liberty of putting together a a to-go bag here for ya.
- What? For the hospital? - Yeah.
I'm not bringing this smelly bag to the hospital.
- Emma, I Febrezed it.
- You Febrezed it? I Febrezed the whole thing.
I don't know where this has been, and I don't wanna be a part of it.
Smell it.
- Right? - Yeah, that's nice.
Lilac.
Lilac and lavender.
- What is in here? - I got this has got necessities and, like, comfort items.
- Comfort items? - Yeah - What is this? - Like, I some tube socks, - three for a dollar.
- Oh, please, Don't go all out for me.
I just wanted to keep your feet warm.
I also wanted to protect the doctors from your sharp toes, 'cause they're not ready for that.
- They don't know that's coming.
- Okay, okay.
I just don't want anybody down there, for some reason to say, "I'm checking a staff oh! My "Oh, my veins, squirt, squirt, squirt," you know.
[both laugh.]
I just don't want anybody getting cut.
- Wow, okay.
- In the necessity category, I had to bring it back to the old school.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God, one of your classic mixes.
DJ Mark, 99.
7.
The Crush.
- What am I gonna play this on? - Shabwams.
What is this? A Walkman? - Yeah, yeah.
- Is this from evidence? It's from evidence.
But the socks are fresh, - as our the jams - Yeah, here.
So you got that, and then of course let me see we got the, uh my policeman sweatshirt, which you've been bogarting anyways, so there you go.
All right, so, uh, I will be by tomorrow to pick you guys up at 6:15 a.
m.
- And, um - You know what Oh, do you want a police escort? 'Cause I can do I can get the [imitates sirens.]
- No, you know what - Up top.
No, I actually, um [clears throat.]
I think that, uh, I can't have you there tomorrow.
Oh.
Okay.
'Cause I was thinking about it, and I I really need to just be strong, you know, and just, like, get it done, and I'm afraid if I see you That I'm gonna cry, and I don't wanna I don't wanna do that tomorrow.
- Absolutely.
- Is that okay? Absolutely, honey, whatever you need.
Okay.
Whatever you need.
Yeah.
Hey How are you feeling? Are you cold? Yeah, I could use another one of those warm blankets.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm gonna do a special nurse trick.
- Ooh.
- Do my burrito feet wrap.
Ooh, I like seeing you do your work, girl.
[giggles.]
- Where my girls at? - [both laugh.]
All right, you excited to meet your new boobs? - That's exciting.
- I am.
First thing's first, all right.
Settle this for us.
What kind music should we play during the surgery? You're not gonna hear it, but we usually do Cyndi Lauper.
She's really going through a real Pat Benatar phase - right now.
- Yeah, I want Fleetwood Mac.
Oh, okay, you wanna do the sexy witch thing? - I'm on board for that.
- Okay.
- How are you feeling, honey? - I feel okay.
The anesthesiologist just left, and he said it would take a little while for the drugs to kick in.
- You wanna pop up? - Sure.
I'm just mark up your breasts real quick here.
- [clears throat.]
- Your gown.
How long is the surgery gonna last? It's gonna be about four hours.
Oh, four.
That's, uh, longer than I had thought.
Do you guys stop for snacks? Ma-Maggie, did you bring snacks for them? I didn't.
I could run out and grab something.
- What do you guys like? - No, no, that's okay.
I'm good.
I brought something from home.
I like to have a turkey hoagie right in the middle of surgery, - but Laura's more of a salad gal.
- Oh, yeah.
What's that now? We're kidding.
We're not gonna stop for a hoagie in the middle of your surgery.
Who does that? We're focused on you, and only you.
Okay, well, hoagies, I love you, guys.
Uh-oh, okay, looks like the drugs are kicking in.
- Hello? - [both laugh.]
You guys are hoagies.
- We're all hoagies.
- We are.
- Yeah.
- You got our numbers.
I don't know if you need any extra help, but if if you wanted me in there, I'm I'm a nurse.
She's a really pretty nurse, guys.
Thank you, Maggie, but you you did your job.
You got her here.
We're gonna do our job now.
And don't worry about anything.
She's gonna do great.
Gonna go get the show on the road.
- Okay, little hoags.
- [both laugh.]
Uh so, um, looks like they're kicking me out, so I'm gonna get out of here, but you're gonna do so great, and I'm gonna be there right when you wake up, okay? Okay, I love you, Mama.
I love you too.
Okay.
[mouths word.]
[sighs.]
What are you guys doing here? Since Mark wasn't allowed to come, he asked us to come instead.
- [sniffles.]
- Permission to hug? Granted.
[gentle guitar music.]
Okay, guys, I'm gonna need backup.
[chuckles.]
- You need anything, Maggie? - Oh, I'm good.
- Thanks again for coming.
- No problem.
'Cause if there's anything you need, - all you have to do is ask.
- I'm really I'm I'm great.
- 'Cause we're here for you.
- Thank you.
[whispers.]
Thank you.
You want some reading material? I looked through one of these magazines.
They had pictures of kitchens.
I know women like kitchens, so - I do like kitchens.
- Okay, guys, you heard her.
Let's find some more kitchens.
[phone beeps.]
- What's that? - Oh, it's a game I play.
I'm a lonely troll, and I have to kill orcs in order to get more gold for my clan.
- Hm.
- Yeah.
[phone trills.]
Oh, no, that's an orc attack.
Paul, she doesn't wanna hear about your game.
- She asked.
- Put it away.
But they'll take my village.
Her friend is in surgery.
Put the game away.
I'll never get him out.
Oh, Maggie, if you're hungry, I brought some smoked meats.
Oh, wow, that has a a real scent to it.
Thank you.
I make my own spice rub.
I call it Ian's Song of the South.
You might wanna change that.
You want a taste? It's really moist.
Um, it's tempting.
Uh, I think I'm I'm actually gonna go stretch my legs.
Oh, we can stretch 'em for you.
Yeah, we'll stretch your legs.
I'll stretch my own legs, but thank you.
All right.
We'll just hold down the fort then.
- Okay.
- Orc attack? [phone beeps.]
Turn off that turn off that phone.
- [groans.]
- Hey, Maggie Hey.
Look, I was trying to find you.
I just dropped in on the operating room, and it's going really well.
- Yes! Are you serious? - Yeah.
She's okay? She's doing okay? Am I shouting? Yes, a little bit.
It couldn't be going better - Okay, good.
- All right? We got her halfway through, and she's doing great.
That is that is a relief.
How are you doing? You know, I'm great.
[chuckles.]
Just chilling.
'Cause this can be pretty hard.
Yeah.
- It's really hard.
- Yeah.
'Cause I I don't know what to say to her, you know, and sometimes, I don't even have an answer, or sometimes, I'll say something, and then I'm like, "Why did I say that?" But I'd like to do something.
I would really like to be able to do something.
So I end up driving to Paper Source at 9:45 at night, buying a $78 pen, and a binder that's only gonna have one pamphlet in it.
And it's about saving your nipples, 'cause her nipples[whimpers.]
are really important to her.
Listen, Maggie, I just wanted to assure you that you're doing exactly what you should be doing, okay? Because you found her the best doctors.
Yeah.
And I know you're saying the right things to her, because I've seen you guys together, and you know her better than anyone else.
- And you caught it early - Yeah.
And you're making sure that she gets treatment straight away, so - Thank God she was so nosy.
- [chuckles.]
- She is a piece of work, right? - [chuckles.]
If you would knew the the lengths that she would go to for me And you for her, clearly.
Hey, come on.
You're gonna be okay.
What is that? - I'm, you know I'm just - [chuckles.]
- Can I have a hug? - Yeah, of course.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
All right.
- Thank you.
- Mm-kay.
- Okay? - Yeah.
You're getting better at this bedside manner thing.
[chuckles.]
Well, you know, I'm I'm sort of, um, practicing a bit.
Is that so? Yeah, I did, uh, try it on one patient.
- No.
[laughs.]
- Yeah, I mean, she you know, she can't hear, so it's fine.
- [laughs.]
- Maggie? Is this man making you cry? Oh, no, guys, I'm I'm good.
Okay, Doctor, carry on.
Stand down.
Sorry, so you have a police escort? Emma and I taught the police force how to striptease.
- No big deal.
- Of course you did.
[gentle guitar music.]
Mark? What are you doing out here? Hey, what's up? I was just, um, taking a break from checking out these, uh these expired registrations.
- That sounds like a lie.
- Okay, it is.
How how's she doing? Do you do you know anything? Yes, Dr.
Ericson, um, stopped by the operating room, and she's everything's going great.
Yes yes! Okay, that's great.
That's good that's good to hear.
Do, uh do we know what do we know about these these ladies, though? - The doctors? - Yeah, 'cause, you know, I've been I was checking the the police database to see if they had ever been arrested, and they and they weren't, but they they may have aliases.
- That's the thing, so - Okay they are literally the best breast cancer doctors in the whole world, okay? They were on "Oprah.
" Well, yeah, but what what does Oprah know? - Well, a few things.
- They just gotta get it right.
They they they have to really just they gotta get it done.
'Cause I just finally I, you know I got her back, and now I can't I know.
Okay, you know who we're talking about, right? Emma? She's, like, the strongest, most aggressive person that we know.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
You think that this is gonna take her down? No way.
Not today.
All right, I think you should come inside with me.
No, she made it perfectly clear that she does not want me in there.
You know, you don't have to listen to her, right? Oh, I didn't I was not aware that was an option.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, that's the secret of our friendship is that she just talks for a long time, and then I act like I'm listening, but then I just do whatever I want.
- Okay.
- Yep.
Oh, also, um, they got Shastas from, like, Wait a minute, they got straight Shastas up in here? Straight Shastas.
Straight Shastas.
All right, here we go.
And five, six, seven, walk, and fierce, fierce, squish, squish.
Pop that booty, booty, and move that freaking booty.
- Yeah! - [claps, laughs.]
Oh, nice, Tony.
I'm impressed.
Since our strip show, I've been taking private lessons.
Well it's paying off in spades.
- [laughs.]
That's right.
- Knock, knock.
So we got all the cancer out.
- [cheering, yelling.]
- Yeah! All right! Maggie Maggie, can you can you[clears throat.]
Yeah, yeah.
What's There's one thing.
It's just, um, I underestimated how very small her actual breasts were.
We hadn't seen breasts that small since we operated on an old Sicilian grandmother.
She's gonna repeat that detail.
I had to make 'em a little bigger.
Do you think she's gonna be upset about that? Oh, I think she'll be all right.
They're gonna be bigger, guys! All right! If that's what she wants.
That's what she wants.
She's gonna want it.
Oh, my God, I love you guys so much.
Aww.
[laughs.]
- [giggles.]
- You're welcome.
Hey.
Hey, Mags.
How'd it go? Oh, great.
They got it all out.
- They did? - Yeah, and you're gonna love your new knockers.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
We're gonna have to go bra shopping, 'cause they had to make 'em a little bigger, - but I said that was okay.
- Yay.
[chuckles.]
Hey, do you know where my socks are? I don't think I packed socks, but I I can ask, if you want me to.
No, no, no, no, I need my socks.
- I need the ones that I have.
- Hey, guys.
- Mark.
- Hey, Em.
Hey.
I got bigger boobs.
Well, okay, yeah.
You can show those to me at another time.
Um, I know that you told me not to come - Oh, no.
- But Maggie told me we don't have to listen to you anymore.
No, you do have to listen to me.
I don't think so.
I think I think those are the rules now.
- No, those are not the rules.
- That's right.
Those are indeed the new rules.
- That's correct.
- No listening to Emma.
I have cancer, so you have to do whatever what I say.
But you don't.
You don't have it anymore.
- They took it all out, so now - All out of you.
- Don't make me laugh.
- No? Just go get me my socks, please.
Okay.
Do you know where these socks are? I do.
I have 'em.
I I I know exactly what she's talking about.
- Mr.
Rodriguez to the rescue.
- [giggles.]
- Only three for a dollar.
- Isn't that amazing? - Oh, well, don't go all out.
- That's what I said.
These are just to put on her feet to protect anybody who comes by from her vicious sharp toes.
Stop saying ow.
- Emma Scissor-toes.
- [all laugh.]
- Guys - Okay, we need to let her rest.
Guys, come here come here for a second.
- What, honey? What? - Come here for a second.
- What? - I love you dummies.
- Well, we love you, weirdo.
- I love you too.
Don't move.
It'll hurt.
Get it, C-Tates.
Get it.
God, Channing Tatum is a physical specimen.
His abs should be in the Smithsonian.
- He's also a great dad.
- Oh, yeah.
I heard he likes to change diapers, like, all the time.
- Oh, man, that's sexy as hell.
- Yeah.
Hey, I wonder with my new titties, - if I can get a man like that.
- Hm.
Would that be okay with you, Mark? You know, the moves are good.
The moves are really, really good, but he's no match for DJ Mark of 99.
7.
The Crush.
- No, no.
- He isn't.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
You're right, babe, he isn't.
- The doctor wants to see you.
- Char-bar! Give me, give me, give me, give me.
Oh, no, no, you can't hold her.
Okay, okay, just put her down here, though, then, 'cause I gotta get a feel of that sweet, sweet baby skin.
- Come here, sweet girl.
- Hi, Mama.
- Get in here.
- I missed you.
- She missed you too.
- Aww.
Hey, Char, that's Channing Tatum.
Oh, she's seen this movie several times.
Excuse me? What do you think we screen at 2:00 a.
m.
? The Pony Dance puts her to sleep No, no.
But it revs Mama up.
- Okay.
- Yeah! Is this, uh, "Toy Story 4"? What?