Run the Burbs (2022) s03e05 Episode Script

1
(PHONE CHIMING)
"Did you two leave?"
Sam just realized we left the club.
(IN IRISH ACCENT) The best
goodbye, 'tis an Irish one.
(LAUGHING)
Okay. "We're going to the island.
Some dude here has a
big-ass boat. Get here."
Should we feel bad for bailing?
Nah. She's having a blast,
and picking up sailors.
(GROANING)
Oh, no. My splitting headache.
Ah, yes. "Sorry. Andrew has a headache.
Happy birthday, XO." Ugh.
Remember before we had kids,
we used to go to the club all the time?
Bumping and grinding
Babe, tonight, all my moves
were muscle memory
from playing Just Dance.
Mm-hmm. I wish I had energy
to stay out all night.
Maybe the problem isn't
us, but it's society.
Boo, society!
Ooh. It ain't right.
Someone should do something about it.
KHIA: Why are you two home?
Because we didn't want
to get home too late.
It's 10:15.
We still know how to party, Khia.
Fire up the Just Dance!
Give it to me ♪
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
(WOMAN MOANING)
WOMAN: Oh! Oh, my God.
(ANDREW EXHALING)
How are they still
What, what, what?
Are you still writing?
I'm trying to, but our pool neighbours
have been having sex for two hours.
Can't you hear that?
- Kind of.
- Ugh.
Babe, just close the window.
I like waking up to the
tiny trills of songbirds!
(WINDOW CLOSING)
Hmm.
(MOANING CONTINUES)
What is wrong with these people?
Just pretend they're horny songbirds.
Ugh.
- See you, Ellis.
- Later, Cathy.
Thanks for the cups.
Hey, Cathy.
Are you smiling?
No. How's work going?
Been trying to come up with new
ideas for community projects.
Some budget opened up in the department.
- Oh.
- "A Life in Five Hats"?
Yeah. I finally caved.
I'm letting Sebastian
do his one-man show.
Yikes.
There's got to be better
events for Bubble Bae.
You're telling me.
Hey, Marisol. You're looking chill.
Hmm. This is my happy place.
I come here after drop-off
to remember who I am
when I'm not just Mom.
- Wait. This is it.
- What's it?
Let me get this down. Then we'll talk.
Give me an extra-chunky
mango bubble tea, stat.
- Don't talk to me like that.
- Sorry.
Please? Thank you.
And I want to help
when you need a thing ♪
Hey, Nikhil uncle.
Hey.
Hey. What are you doing here?
Well, your mom asked
me to lend my taste buds
on some of her cookbook recipes.
I heroically said yes.
Your lunches are on the table.
- Oh.
- Thank you.
WOMAN: Ooh. Oh!
Oh, oh!
Kids?
Are you wondering about those noises?
MAN: Ah!
Blink twice if you never want
to talk about it again with me.
Have a good day.
KHIA: So awkward. I am now dead.
Okay. I
there must be some, like, wind tunnel
or sound-wave-angle thing happening,
'cause it's directly hitting this house.
Hey. Remember when we were young
and those kids across
the street from you
had this drum band called Cymbals Only?
Yeah. And I made you move my
trampoline into their yard.
Well, they started jumping, and voilà.
No more awful cymbal crashing.
Ah. While an outdoor sex
trampoline would be horrific,
I do see what you're saying.
Maybe we just need to distract
those horny neighbours.
Tell me more.
Operation vibe-kill.
You in?
(MOANING FROM NEXT DOOR CONTINUES)
Picture this.
Camille and I want to go clubbing,
but it's a total ordeal
to drive downtown.
"I love this story,"
is what I would say if I was your friend
catching up over mocktails.
Thought you had something to pitch?
We're not the city. And
hey. We don't want to be.
What we want is to have fun
within a reasonable
time frame and distance.
So, may I present to you
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(IMITATING A POUNDING KICK DRUM)
Everybody dance ♪
Rockridge's first
early-hours nightclub program.
- (AIR HORN BLARING)
- No.
Yep.
- Sorry.
- Continue.
I surveyed the community,
and they love the idea
of getting their groove
on from 6:00 to 9:30 P.M.,
then going home to put their kids in bed
and gettin' plenty of shuteye.
Check this.
I've partied around the world
for the last 30 years. If I could party
five minutes from my sofa? Game-changer.
They used to call me La
Vida Loca in my club days.
Now, I'm just La Vida Tired.
I miss that part of me.
Give me back that part of me.
I opened a club in my
college dorm called Studio416.
No one came.
But I think it'd be cool
to have a local hot spot
where I could meet like-minded people.
So, what do you say?
An early-hours nightclub?
I don't know, Andrew.
We can't waste any money
on frivolous things.
No, no, no. This is the
opposite of frivolous.
This is frivo-full.
We give a small grant to
a local business to run it.
Then, the area's over-35
demo show up, and bam!
Money flows back into the community.
It's win-win.
So, where will this club be?
Bubble Bae. They got
room for a dance floor,
parking, and it's central.
Fine.
- Don't screw it up.
- (LAUGHING)
(AIR HORN BLARING)
(IMITATING LASER GUN FIRING)
Yeah.
We come bearing sweet gifts,
but the giant sugar high
will make them crash hard.
Let's don't say "hard."
- WOMAN: Oh! Ooh!
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Let's hear them try and make
porn-y sounds while they're napping.
CAMILLE: Hey, Bill.
Hi, Camille. What can I do for you?
Oh, I was just wondering
if you and Nicole
might consider keeping the noise down.
I brought some sweets
to sweeten the deal.
What noise?
(CHUCKLING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Got 'em.
Eat up, you loud, noisy little
- Oh, yeah!
- Ahh!
Ah!
Okay. He is defiling the
sanctity of that pastry.
Adding food as play? That's not, like,
a usual weekday thing, right?
Who has time for all that cleanup?
Well, congrats, Cami-chameleon.
You just gave them more energy.
Huh.
ANDREW: So, I've written
a few guidelines for you.
"Optimal ice cube shapes"?
Spoiler. The most
optimal isn't even a cube.
I've also drawn a sketch
of the club layout.
Hey! Ellis.
Cathy. How's your day going?
Ah, you know. Stocking cups.
Arranging cups. Getting
a big box of cups.
I won't get you started on straws.
(CHUCKLING)
- Have a good one, Cathy.
- Yeah.
Things are looking cup.
Cute.
(GASPING) Oh!
What?
Shut your face up.
You have a crush!
That right there was classic
rom-com adorkable spark-age.
No, it wasn't. Stop.
I can't. I love love. Let me help you.
Absolutely not.
Any feelings that I may
or may not have are my own,
and what I do or do not do
with said feelings is up to me.
- Clear?
- Kind of?
Back to business.
Okay. Fine.
I'll come by early to talk
about the set list with the DJ.
Oh. I've also got a
spare disco ball at home
- that I'm going to bring in.
- Stop.
You're micromanaging.
I can handle the club.
Of course you can. But
this is also my project,
and I got to make sure it
goes off without a hitch.
So, call you later, friend.
And I'll just leave
this documentation here.
Or not. I'll bring it with me.
But I will see you tomorrow
at Club BB, bay-bay.
(CLICKING TONGUE)
1999, new season ♪
A new reason ♪
I seen a thousand of them seasons ♪
Steps in my category end of story ♪
Failed allegory, attempt to vocalize ♪
So cool off your lines ♪
Hey. Yo, Andrew.
Regretting waiving my DJ fee.
This is not what we agreed.
What's going on, Kardi?
- (MIC FEEDING BACK)
- SEBASTIAN: Wow. My biggest turnout.
Thanks, everybody. I'm humbled.
This is where hype comes to die.
Cathy, what happened?
We went over the strobe lights
and the instructions for the DJ.
The free DJ who's doing this
out of the goodness of his heart.
Bubble Bae is open from 6:00 to 9:30
and is serving alcohol.
There's music, a disco ball, lights.
It's a club.
(LAUGHING)
I even had extra cups around.
So, made some decorations.
- Oh, Cathy.
- If you don't like it, leave.
(MIC FEEDING BACK)
(IN CHILDLIKE VOICE) It was 1985.
I was just a little boy.
Scientists had just discovered
a hole in the ozone layer.
Where are you guys going?
I've got four hats left.
Cathy, what happened
with the club last night?
I made it relaxing and familiar.
But I'm hearing that's
not what club-goers want.
Not if you're under 70.
I grew up sheltered, okay?
I've never really done the club thing.
And I may struggle with big changes.
So, are you saying we
can try the club again,
and you'll accept my help?
Fine. But no giant
binder of instructions.
I won't micromanage. We can
work together. Pinky swear.
Do you know why I chose
Bubble Bae for this project?
Because you have an open tab here?
True, but mainly because
small businesses like yours
deserve to be showcased.
Bubble Bae is one of
Rockridge's hidden gems.
ELLIS: Agreed. This
is my favourite stop.
Hey. Cup time. Cool.
Um, do you mind?
Oop.
Ellis, you should, uh, come to
the early-hours nightclub
here on Thursday.
- Hang out?
- Oh. Yeah.
I'll come by. See you.
CATHY: Bye.
- What the
- We both know
that you want to get to know her better.
And I'll help.
Not in a micromanaging way,
but a love-managing way.
Oh, God.
You know that rom-com meet-cute?
Well, add a dance floor
and you got a club-cute.
Come on. Let's role-play.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
So, we're at the club.
Just feeling the club.
Ooh!
Make that connection with your crush.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- What are you, a chicken?
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Casually work your way over.
You're just dancing in the
club. You see some people.
Then, boom! You accidentally
bump those butts.
(INHALING SHARPLY)
Get that green light from eye contact
and then commence freak
nasty. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Okay. I've seen enough.
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
It's almost been a week of this.
If prank-calling them to
report a possible gas leak
in their house three times
can't break their focus, I am at a loss.
I have never heard anything like this.
I thought the time I walked in
on my parents was bad, but
What? You saw your parents?
It still haunts me.
(CHUCKLING) I heard mine once.
Yeah. It's a devastating core memory.
Ugh. I remember watching TV with mine,
then sex scenes coming on.
(LAUGHING) Yes.
I wanted the earth to open
up and swallow me. So awkward.
Right? We should talk about this stuff.
Yeah. I guess we don't,
because of the whole
"South Asian families
don't talk about sex" thing.
But what's the big deal?
Sex is a normal part of life.
- Yeah. Like, we both have it.
- Yeah.
Carol and I are newlyweds.
Like, super frequent.
- Mm-hmm.
- You?
Oh, yeah.
Andrew and I are amazing.
- All right.
- (BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
(SHOUTING AND MOANING
FROM NEXT DOOR CONTINUES)
When I get you all alone ♪
I'm gonna move in nice and close ♪
Ain't nobody going
to interrupt my game ♪
Oh, no, no ♪
This is amazing. Just like, uh
Our club-cute years ago.
Ah! You with your
double-popped collar
And you with your
one-shoulder club top.
Mm-hmm.
(BOTTLE CLATTERING)
Ooh. Cathy's having her cocktail moment.
- Going to check in on her.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah, you were right
when you said goodbye ♪
Up in the air, looking in your eyes ♪
It's Bill and Nicole.
We're totally avoiding them, right?
Ah, I don't know. I'm
feeling the good vibes in here
and I got myself a gin and tonic.
I mean, who are we to deny
other people's love, huh?
Bill, Nicole! Finally came up for air.
Your sex is so loud.
What is your secret?
Oh. You're not Nicole. Where's Nicole?
Who's Nicole?
Uh, Nicole is my wife.
Uh (LAUGHING)
Technically, we're on
the verge of separating.
She's in Branson, getting rid
of our timeshare as we speak.
You told me your wife was dead.
To me.
Rosa, I can explain.
Rose?
Oh, okay. So, that noise,
that wasn't normal sex.
That was affair sex.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Huh. Did you hear that, Nikhil?
Nikhil?
Come, come on, cut them off ♪
Cut them, cut them off ♪
People are having a great time.
And they've been spending their money,
so I'm having a great time.
ANDREW: Look who's here.
Ready? You got this.
I'm calling in your tab.
- Hey.
- Hey!
Looks cool. Lots of people.
Hottest club on the block.
I have to go over there now.
Uh
bye.
So, how's your day been?
Dance?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great.
Bump those butts.
It's a game of give and take ♪
To make it through ♪
So, if you get down on me ♪
I'll get down on you tonight ♪
I'm not the type to change your mind ♪
If you want to take it slow ♪
- Hey!
- Oh.
Na-na-na, na-na-na, no
pressure to go all the way ♪
- Oh. I'm so sorry.
- Oh, that's okay. That's all right.
- Let me get you a towel.
- It's okay. No. Seriously. I'm sorry.
Um, it's a little overwhelming.
- What?
- This is
never mind.
Uh, it's hard to hear.
I'm going to go. See you later.
I want to know every
inch of your body ♪
So I can set your spirit free ♪
How'd it go?
Why'd you push me into that
dumb club-cute with Ellis?
What do you mean? I told you to
Stop. This is the last
club night. We're done.
- But
- Just get out.
I will do anything
that you want me to ♪
It's a game of give and
take to make it through ♪
So, if you get down on me ♪
I'll get down on you tonight ♪
I will be the one to
love and comfort you ♪
From now until the day I
die I will take you places ♪
Cathy?
Are you still mad?
(DOOR CLOSING)
Cathy, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have pushed you out
of your comfort zone with Ellis.
Nope. You shouldn't have.
The club was a win.
I should've been happy with that,
and not tried to
micromanage your love life.
I acknowledge your apology.
Thank you. And, uh,
I hope you'll allow me
one last good-intentioned meddle.
I called in a fake pickup.
Please don't hate me.
Hey, Cathy.
Got a pickup for me?
Uh
and, um,
I'm sorry I bailed early last night,
but I'm not good with crowds.
Anxiety.
Yeah.
I am not much of a crowd person myself.
I prefer one-on-ones.
Yeah.
Like, this is nice.
Yeah.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHISPERING) Club-cute.
I'm sorry about him.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
My baby, she's some
kind of wonderful ♪
To me, she's some kind of wonderful ♪
Ha. The sweet sound of silence.
So, in the spirit of being honest,
when I said Carol and I
have a lot of sex, I lied.
She's been doing long
shifts at the hospital,
and our newlywed sex life
had some starts and stops.
Honestly, Andrew and I try our best,
but sometimes there just
isn't enough time or energy.
Well, 'cause of Carol's hours,
she gave me an IOU for next month.
Andrew and I promised at least
once a week, three weeks ago.
- So, we're normal?
- Absolutely.
And more importantly,
so not our parents.
Well, I'm just glad
we're breaking the cycle
and learning to talk
about this stuff openly.
- Yeah.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
Oh. Hey, kids. Food.
Listen. I want to tell you something.
Your father and I have a
healthy, loving sex life.
And if you have any questions
Stop! Ew.
Yeah. I blinked twice.
What is wrong with you?
I just thought maybe you wanted
to hear about our sex life?
No, no.
They'll thank me one day.
Andrew, I need your report
on the nightclub project
by the end of day.
Yeah. Working on it.
Honestly, though, we'll see if Cathy
even wants to keep doing it.
Some personal stuff went down.
I apologized, but I don't
know if she'll forgive me.
I would've warned you about
mixing business with friendship.
I had a lemonade stand
with my best friend when I was six.
Never again.
Cathy! What are you doing here?
I had a personal reaction that I
took out on the project, and you.
Apology accepted. We're friends again.
Great.
The club made more money than I thought,
which I can put back into the community.
Look.
Thank you.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
SEBASTIAN: Loved it.
Nothing like Studio416.
This one has a fire exit.
Seeing so much joy around me
made it worth not being paid
for my time, equipment and expertise.
Customers want this
to be a regular event,
so I'm hoping I can take the reins,
and Andrew, you can oversee.
Yeah.
So, Club BB lives on?
Well, yeah. I just said that.
(DEADPAN) Can't you
tell from my excitement?
(DEADPAN) I sure can. That
was such an effusive speech.
I got to admit, it
made me quite emotional.
I appreciate your
ability to read people.
- I like you.
- Likewise.
You should come to club sometime.
I'll wear my sky-high kitten heels.
Yeah.
Wow! Look at you, making friends.
Making friends in the club.
Ah. Tonight was so fun!
- I know.
- Ah!
And we're in bed at 10:00 P.M.,
just in time to watch a new episode
of the great chair make-off.
You know, I'm so proud of
your early-hours nightclub.
It was such a success.
And I'm happy that you're having
lots of family time with Nikhil,
even though it involved you
exposing a neighbour's affair.
I like to think of it as helping people.
Hmm.
Hey. Uh, do you think sometimes,
we could talk about our sex life?
Yeah.
We can talk and do,
and do and talk.
ANDREW: Ooh. Mmm.
- Oh, oh. Wait a sec, babe.
- Yeah, yeah?
Um, do you think you could, um
we could try, like, silent sexy times?
'Cause I can just still
hear them in my head.
- (WHISPERING) Oh.
- Yeah.
Absolutely.
(LAUGHING)
('70S R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
- ANDREW: Mmm!
- CAMILLE: Quiet.
♪
(GIGGLING)