Shameless s03e05 Episode Script

'Now nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden, 'but it's been a good home to us, to me, 'Frank Gallagher, and me kids who l'm proud of, cos every single one of 'em 'reminds me a little of me.
'They can all think for themselves, which they've got me to thank for.
'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Phillip any more.
'lan, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others cos she's disappeared into thin air.
'And Carl.
We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons - 'it makes it stand on end and makes him Iook like Toyah, and nits love him.
'Debbie - sent by God, total angel.
'You've to check your change but she'll go miles out of her way 'to do you a favour, 'plus lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star some day.
'Sheila, me bird, couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set, like.
'And fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica - lend ya anything, 'well, almost anything.
'Carol and Marty - the lodgers from hell.
Last of the lonely hearts 'and a psychologist's wet dream.
Still, nobody's pe_ect.
'But all of 'em to a man know first and foremost 'one of the most vital necessities in life is they know how to throw a party! 'Heh, heh, heh, scatter!' (Veronica) 'We all have our ups and downs - 'good days, bad days, days spent hiding under the covers.
'But most of the time, life just trundles along quite nicely.
'The big stum happens when you least expect it.
'lt's like snakes and ladders.
'One minute, you're romping up the board, laughing at them beneath ya.
'The ne_, 'you're on your arse at the bottom, having to start all over again# There she goes There she goes again Does he have to? l've heard a fucking chimp hold a better tune.
Leave him alone.
It's his birthday.
On your birthday you can play whatever music you like.
Do l get that, Jez? > Course you do.
When's your ne_? Oh, Gemini, the twins.
l've always fancied a threesome.
There she goes There she goes again Job, meals and accommodation.
Let her think what she likes.
And l just can't contain This feeling that remains Restaurant's booked for seven o'clock.
Three-course meal with a tenner-om voucher.
Taxi'll be here in five minutes.
And he's not answering his phone? No, it's just clicking onto voicemail.
He might have been knocked over.
Carl! l'm just saying.
Roadkill! lt's his birthday.
You'd think he'd make the bleedin' emort! Which restaurant is it? Luigi's on Shudehill.
Mmm, nice.
Well, if he doesn't show, l might take up your reservation.
< Norman loves Italian food.
Who's Norman? My new gentleman.
And let me tell you, that's exactly what he is.
Oh, at last! What's the matter? What's happened? lt's Kev's mum.
She's dead.
She's committed suicide.
Suicide? < How? She fucking jumped.
Six floors up.
She even took someone out on the ground.
You mean she flattened somebody? Tramic warden.
< Didn't know what hit him.
Last ticket he'll be giving.
Oh, come here.
Can't believe she killed herself on me birthday.
Here.
For the shock.
< This is all just crap.
Did nothing else come this morning? Was there anything else? Did you see anything else? Kev, she were depressed.
You said yourself, she probably didn't even know what day it was.
How could she not know, Veronica? Of all the days she could have picked.
She could have sent me a fucking card.
Hey.
Superb choice.
The only trouble is, ltalian food makes me really horny.
lt does, honest.
It does.
Eh.
No.
l can't.
- Come on.
- Not here.
Come on, come on.
Where's your sense of adventure? Eh? Mum! Oh.
Norman, this is my daughter, Veronica, and her partner, Kev.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Wonde_ul restaurant, though.
Come on now, see Hey.
< Mm, ah, ooh! They're loading someone up.
lt's a chapel of rest.
That's what they do, innit? Oh, Jesus! What? Reverse! Reverse! What the fuck's the matter? Just move it, quick.
Veronica - l'm trying! - Not fucking hard enough! l can't get it in fucking gear! Watch it! Mind me fucking hearse! Look what you've done to me fucking car! What the fuck were that all about? You know l can't drive in a panic! So, who is she? Who's who? l know we're in a chapel of rest, Kev, but l will still twat ya.
Look, it's complicated.
l'm not even sure if Just hang on.
Thought so.
Roxy.
Roxy Benson? l thought she was in prison.
- She was.
- So what's she doing here? She knew me mam.
She must have come to pay her respects or something.
Roxy Ball? She signed herself Ball.
We are still married, Vee.
She hasn't seen you for ten years.
You asked her for a divorce when she was inside.
Why the fuck would she still be calling herself Ball? < CLEARS THROAT lf you'd like to come through.
She's absolutely fucking gorgeous.
Me mam? Roxy! She was stunning when you married her.
You told me.
Not now, eh, Vee.
Does she still look the same? Veronica Perhaps you'd like to say your goodbyes now, Kevin.
Yeah.
Bye, Mam.
l hope you've gone to a better place.
(You coulda sent me a birthday card, though.
) Pass me a spoon, Carl.
> No.
> Stop.
What you doin'? > Dreamt l was this banana thing and had this fight with a grapefruit.
You're weird, you, Marty.
Er, we're out of milk.
Couldn't pinch a pint, could l? Norman Owens, Carol's friend.
l've promised her breaMast in bed.
OK if l, er? Clegnuts! KNOCKING Morning.
Heya, gorgeous.
Can l hold her, Mandy? This Friday, how you fixed? What, the whole day? ls that a problem, Daddy? You've been begging to spend time with her.
No, no, it's erm Kev's mum's died.
Funeral's Friday.
> Close, were you? You wouldn't have any eggs, would you? Slag! They're all for the tramic warden.
Never mind.
The state of this place.
No wonder she jumped.
Sorry.
How could she not leave a note? When you pop out for milk, you leave a note.
Down the shops, note.
l mean, would it have killed her to leave a note? Let's just get her things sorted.
Then you need never come here again.
Joking, aren't you? Lick of paint, few rugs down.
l'm thinking bachelor pad.
Card schools, footy games.
Somewhere to put me head down when you're getting on me nerves.
You do in here.
l'll do in t'bedroom.
Say that again.
l'm a nudist.
l'm proud of it.
l don't adhere to society's assumptions that the naked body should be hidden away.
l mean, look at it.
It's a beautiful piece of design.
Not all of it isn't.
You weren't saying that last night.
Don't be vulgar.
Slip your gown om.
Norman! No, no, trust me.
Slip it om.
There.
That's how God intended you to be - free from concealment.
Now, tell me that doesn't feel natural.
FARTS Sorry.
l'm always a touch flatulent after carbonara.
No wonder she were depressed.
She's kept a scrap book on Diana's life.
Really detailed.
> Marriage, kids, amairs.
There's even a section on bulimia.
> God, this is certifiable.
Didn't you know she was a Diana freak? l'm starting to think l didn't know her at all.
There's hundreds.
Me mam and Roxy must have been writing to each other the whole time.
You'd better start going to that adult-literacy class again.
l don't need a lecture, Karen.
Just read the fucking letters.
Tell you what, it's pretty heavy stum.
What sort of heavy? The way she talks about you.
''Kev's still the one l think about at lights out.
The times we had together were so special.
'' Are you winding me up? Cos l mean it, Karen Just get someone else to read them, then! All right.
Here you are.
We had this really intense relationship, whirlwind marriage, the works.
lt was like living inside a tornado.
Few drinks down her neck, she turned into a monster.
How long was she in prison? Oh, a few years.
GBH.
She's a lunatic.
She's gorgeous, though.
Yeah.
Yeah, sex was summat else.
You'll be all right.
You probably won't even see her again.
Cheers, Karen.
Hiya, Kev.
Long time, no see.
l got out a few weeks before Christmas.
Still on probation, so if l misbehave they'll have me straight back inside.
You seem dimerent, Rox.
Sort of l dunno, like Calmer.
Jail's been good for me.
Rehabilitation.
l learnt a lot about myself.
Anger management, two classes a week.
Why do you think l'm on this stum? Yeah, l'm not gonna lie, you were pretty fiery after a tipple.
Fiery? l was frigging deranged! l'm really sorry about your mam, Kev.
She was a lovely woman.
She liked you.
Yeah, we got on.
Did you keep in touch with her when you were inside? We wrote a bit.
Both had time on our hands.
But she always kept me informed about you.
Bet that was a boring old read! No, not at all.
l enjoyed hearing about you.
ls he serving today or what? Oi, lazy arse! No, Jez, that's his wife.
Or his ex, before Veronica.
You two are getting close these days, aren't you? His mum's died, Jez.
Suppose.
Still, don't let him take advantage.
So, this woman you're with? Veronica.
You serious about her? We've been together ten years.
But you've not married? Well, we sort of got married.
Just wasn't legal.
But we're still married.
So that makes you a bigamist.
Well, yeah.
Just not legally.
Can l get you another drink? No, l'm gonna get on.
- But it was really nice to see you Kev.
- Yeah, and you.
Guess l'll see you at the funeral.
Oh, Jesus! l thought you were asleep.
Doesn't usually bother yer.
The consulate rang.
They've rang every bar in Paphos, they can't trace your Kelly.
We'll have to do the funeral without her.
We can't do that, Veronica.
It's her mam an' all.
They can only wait so long, Kev.
You can't have dead bodies hanging around all year.
l know, l know.
Bloody hell, Kelly.
You could have left a contact What's the matter? Apart from the fact that my mum's dead and l can't find my fucking sister, nothing! Hey, come here.
Veronica, about the funeral Do you think l should l get my suit cleaned? Come here, you! lt's all right this, innit? > Slide the nappy under.
How many hands do you think l've got? Well, come here then.
< No, l've gotta learn.
Have you ever met a manic depressive? They're hard work.
They're either on the ceiling or hitting the deck.
Literally in me mum's case.
Mental illness is a terrible amliction.
Well, you'll know better than us.
How do you mean? With Sheila.
Me mam's not mentally ill.
lsn't she? l got these for the top of the wedding cake.
l fell in love with them straight away.
They look just like me and Frank! < (Lip) l've left the bottle in the kitchen.
< (lan) l'll go and get it.
Hearse is here.
Come on, everyone, drink up, chop chop.
Hang on two secs.
Lip's left the baby's bottle ne_ door.
(Veronica) Come on! Whoa! - l thought you were at this funeral! - Sorry.
Sorry, Carol.
It's Lip, he's What are you doing?! We shroud our bodies in secrecy and shame.
We should celebrate them, like newborn babies! l'm sorry, Norman, l can't do this.
It doesn't feel right.
You're bowing to society's conventions, Carol.
That's right.
Because society doesn't want 16-year-old boys looking at my 60-year-old tush! Each to their own, Norman, but why the fuck do you wanna eat naked? The question you should ask is, why not? Does the sight of my penis really upset you that much? l'll see you at the wake.
Chief mourners in this first car.
Everyone else to the rear, please.
Roxy, what the fuck are you doing in there? lt's what she would have wanted.
Everybody happy? Lovely.
l'm sorry, Norman, it's not for me.
Call me conventional, but l can't go around with my privates on parade.
It's just not me! OK, OK.
But promise me one thing.
You won't close your mind to possibilities.
Because life's an exploration, Carol.
You never know what you'll like unless you try it.
What have you got in mind? l'm sorry, Mummy.
l won't do it again.
Nothing too outrageous.
Kev, l know everybody's probably said it, but if there's anything l can do Ta.
Hey, Karen, can you get some decent music sorted? Did you know her? Kev's mum.
Not really.
As mad as mustard.
They were never that close, Kev's family.
Debbie! Suicide is part of the natural ebb and flow.
Used to be wars and famine, now it's miserable bastards chucking themselves om tower blocks.
They're lightening the load, making sure there's enough space left for the rest of us.
You think l'm talking bollocks, don't you? Let me tell you something, smart arse.
She was a mistake.
Nobody fucking ordered her, she just arrived.
So? So, to equal each mistake, someone has to check out early.
What about the people who can't have kids, like Kev and Veronica? Does someone come back to fucking life? Natural selection.
DaM/in, 2001 .
Who'd wanna see the omspring of that pair of fucking reprobates? lt'd come out looking like Jiminy Cricket.
You don't have to hate me, Veronica.
Just because he used to fall at my feet, it doesn't mean anything.
lt's how he feels now that matters.
MUSIC: Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue l just can't get you out of my head Boy, your loving is all J think about l just can't get you out of my head Boy, it's more than l dare to think about WEDDING BELLS PEAL l just can't get you out of my head _oy, your love is all that J think about.
Remember me? l know it must be hard prizing yourself away from tarty tits, but l'm your fucking wife! Veronica Fuck om.
l know your game, love.
Eh? l've met your type before.
Nice as pie then shaft you in the back.
He's my husband now, so you can take your pretty face - and go and get fucked.
- Veronica.
Your husband? You wanna check the marriage certificate.
- Last time l looked it said Roxy Ball.
- Ancient history, sweetheart.
Funny how he never got a divorce.
You were in fucking prison! Or maybe he just wanted a proper woman.
Someone who can give him kids.
You poisonous fucking bitch! Fucking hell! (Frank) Here we go.
(lan) Marty, help us out! Leave her alone! Come on! Come on, you slag! l'll fucking have you! lf l'd have fought back, you'd be dead.
Take her home.
Get om! There's your mum.
l think l got most of her.
< Roxy? You OK? l'm sorry.
That shouldn't have happened.
Not here at your mam's wake.
Wasn't your fault.
Can't believe she's gone.
l know we weren't close but .
.
she was me mam.
l'm never gonna see her again.
Do you wanna talk about her? Kev? Kev? l'm thinking bachelor pad, somewhere to put my head down when you're getting on me nerves.
You bastard! Fuck! Veronica! Veronica! Fuck! Veronica! Wait.
It's not how it looks.
Nothing happened.
Get away from me! Get away, and stay away! Listen to me! Because it's over, Kev.
lt's over.
Veronica.
For fuck's sake, will you just hear me out? Nothing happened! What's going on? What's it look like? She's booted me out! She's booted you out? After last night? She caught me and Roxy at me mam's place.
- Kev, you didn't? - But nothing happened! You and Roxy, same bed and nothing happened? Veronica! What the bloody hell?! Talk to Veronica? She's thrown him out.
And say what? Something.
They're splitting up! Never get involved with a domestic.
No-one thanks you for it.
< Come on, Norm.
Veronica! Did you do it, Kev? Did you shag her, Roxy? Truth? We started.
But l stopped it.
Not cos of guilt.
l just needed someone there.
You know? Someone who cared.
l had a sly wank, though, when she'd gone to sleep.
Well, you've got to, haven't you? Veronica! Veronica, open the door! Hi.
Party round at Martika's.
Thought you might wanna join me.
Can't, Rox.
l'm working.
Grief does funny things to people.
Tell them you're not feeling well.
Oi, she's thrown me out because of last night.
- It's OK.
- No, it's not OK.
Far fucking from it.
Everything's gone down the shitter.
Not everything, Kev.
You haven't lost everything.
Look, there's something l should have told you about us.
- Well, about you.
- What? lt's not you that's infertile, Kev.
At least, you weren't with me.
Get om! Marty, help! Get om! Thanks, Debs.
No omence, but l need to speak to Fiona.
She doesn't live here any more.
Her new number's on the pinboard.
Party best! How do l look? Honest opinion not required.
What's the occasion? Showing her om to friends of mine.
Special night for a special lady.
Don't wait up! > Norman! l'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
Jesus.
A kid.
l've been for tests.
l thought l couldn't have them.
But why didn't you tell me? You know what l was like back then.
l suppose l saw it as revenge.
Had him adopted om at two months.
Little boy.
Ryan.
Ryan? l wasn't fit, Kev.
l could barely Iook after meself, let alone a baby.
But your mam was brilliant.
She looked after all the papeM/ork and made sure he went to a good home.
Me mam knew.
He'll be ten this Easter.
Any photos of him? Did he look like me? Yeah, a bit.
Around the eyes.
Like pissholes in the snow.
He'll be a good-looking kid, just like his daddy.
This looks like the spot.
There's not a house in sight.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Who said anything about houses? You said party, friends of yours, dress to impress.
Who needs bedrooms when you've got the great outdoors? See that car over there? That's Marian and Phil.
Nice couple.
He's a landscape gardener.
Did my patio last summer, lovely job.
They do anal, doggy and fisting.
They're not into orgies.
You're not seriously suggesting ! Open your mind, Carol.
Let go of the fear.
Live pornography, inches away from you.
Oh, it's like nothing you've ever experienced! There's no touching, and no photography.
But if you want to whack yourself om while you're watching, no-one's going to protest.
Take me home.
What? Why? The penis salad was one thing, but this Where you going? Home! < Carol.
Carol! They'll think we're timewasters! Yes! > Yes! > That's it, baby.
> That's it.
> GRUNTS Oh! > Oh, yes! > Oh, yeah, yeah! > - Don't mind me.
- Kev! You scared the shit out of me! Who's he?! l work here.
Who the fuck are you? Mate of mine.
Tim.
Jim.
How else am l supposed to get any? lf l take anybody upstairs, Jez is listening at the door.
< (Jez) Karen, is that you, love? - Jesus.
Get down there.
ls he bothering you? Nol came down for a drink andKev thought l was an intruder.
Well she's not.
She lives here.
And l'd like to see her back where she belongs - with me.
l know your mum's died, Kev, but you can only use that excuse for so long.
Looks like it's just me and you, mate.
Fancy a pint? You accommodate it, the idea that you're shooting blanks.
lt becomes a part of who you are.
And then suddenly, wallop.
Everything's turned upside down.
You don't know how to feel, but it's like a million dimerent feelings all at once.
Suddenly, everything's under the microscope.
My whole future.
Who do l love? What do l want? l need to have a family of my own, l'm one of them blokes.
lt's like this fucking great big hole that has to be filled.
Are you with me? Absolutely, mate.
Absolutely.
- The other thing, Tim - Jim.
Sorry.
l don't know about you, but You look like death.
You could have at least brushed your hair.
Do you even care? Do you give the smallest shit what happens to me? Of course l care.
But life goes on, Veronica.
l've split up with Norman, but you don't see me moping around.
We've been together ten years! He was me fucking life! What do you expect, you stupid old bitch?! Now stop that.
That's no way to speak to your mother.
Start behaving like one and l'll start speaking to you like one.
And what's that supposed to mean? You're my mum! Make it better! Make it all all right again! l don't know what What do you expect me to do about it? Carol, fuck om.
He's all l had in the world.
l only came in for bog roll.
(Mandy) Did you have a good time? (Lip) l loved it.
She's amazing.
Even the crying didn't bother me.
You want to try it every night.
Let me, then.
Let me have her more often.
Weekends.
l want to.
You don't.
You wouldn't.
And you can't.
Apart from anything, me mum wouldn't allow it.
What the fuck you doing? Mum, dad, baby.
Just wanted to see how it feels.
You're om your head, you.
You fucking moron! Oh, nice to see you too, Yvonne.
Veronica has told me everything.
You deserve your bollocks chopping om! l didn't shag her.
No, but you spent the night there.
Talking and cuddling.
That's worse! ln which universe?! You'll lose the best thing that's ever happened to you, and you're stood here like pimy! l'm giving her some cooling space.
How does a few hundred miles grab you? You what? She's leaving.
Tomorrow.
Fiona's invited her to Amsterdam.
If you've got any sense, you'll pull your finger out of your arse and get round there.
Will you cover for an hour? The very man.
l thought we could spend the day together.
No, Roxy, we can't.
Stop trying to fight it.
l know you can't resist me! Get it into your thick skull.
The other night meant nothing.
Our marriage means nothing! And what about your child, Kev? Does that mean nothing? Right now, yeS.
Double vodka.
No ice.
She's round at ours.
She won't come back until you've gone away.
Does everyone over there hate me? No-one hates you.
We just wish it wasn't happening.
lt's sad.
You're Kev and Veronica, you're like bangers and mash.
Fish and chips.
Vodka and tonic.
lmportant lesson in life, Debs.
Sooner or later men always fuck it' up.
l know.
lf l were you, l'd become a lesbian.
l'll bear that in mind.
You'll be all right, Jez.
You'll be all right.
Your fucking wife did this! Why fucking serve her? - Because we're a fucking pub! - After everything l told you, Karen! l'm not a social worker! If people drink, l assume they can handle it.
She's an alcoholic! Oh, l know that now! She nearly finished the whole bottle then starts calling me a slag, and accusing me of being in love with you.
You what? That was when Jez stepped in.
lt was horrible.
It was really horrible.
lt's all my fault.
No, it's mine.
l should've told you.
Told me what? The letters.
The ones she wrote to your mam while she was in prison.
l've been reading through 'em.
She's obsessed with you.
Like, delusional.
And it seems that your mam played along with her fantasy.
Oh, what fantasy? You and Roxy.
Back together.
House, kids, happy ever after - Do the letters say we had a kid? - Who? Me and Roxy.
She gave it up for adoption.
Not that l've read.
How far through are you? l've got a life, you know! And they are not exactly Bridget Jones! Oh, l don't think Jez'll want you staying here tonight.
l'm a sexual being, Carol, always have been, and asking me to change that is like asking the daisies not to flower in spring.
But l'm also a man who listens to his heart.
And this beating old drum of mine is telling me l'd be foolish to let you go.
l love you, Carol Fisher.
And if that means compromise, then compromise it is.
You, Norman Owens, are the most wonde_ul man l've met in years.
l'd just like to say, as long as it's within the confines of these walls, l'm very open-minded.
< l wish l were going with you.
Will you give this to our Fiona? As long as it's not something l have to explain at customs.
We've all written letters.
There's recent photos and stum.
- Tell her we miss her? - And ask her when she's coming home.
Hey youit's not forever.
Just for a couple of months, till l get my head sorted.
SOMEONE SCREAMS What the? Mind! Get him! Hey! Hey, come here! Come here you dirty Mum, what's the matter? Oh, no, no.
Don't look at me.
I'm too ashamed.
> Carol, what's he done to you? l'm a disgusting human being.
l only wanted to please him, Veronica.
He said it was an erotic massage.
lf l'd any idea > What the bleedin' hell has he done? < Carol, what is it? He went to the bathroom on me.
Oh, Jesus! You're right, l am a terrible mother.
Oh It's all right, just go and get in the shower.
Come on.
Pack it in, you knobheads! You fucking bitch! You fucking whore! You stole him, he's mine! You fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of my fucking house, you slag! l'll fucking have you, you fuck! Get the fuck out! You're a fucking bitch, l'm gonna fucking kill you! What the fuck's that? lt's at yours.
Must be Veronica.
Come on, then! Come on, then! Come on, then! l'll kill the fucking lot of you! Starting with her.
You'll have to go through me first.
Cos l'd rather die than lose her.
You don't mean that.
Try me.
You wouldn't kill the father of your child, would you Roxy? You made it up, didn't you? How could you lie about something like that? You crazy fucking bitch.
Nobody attacks my daughter.
l'll call the police.
Fuck om! Come on now, settle down.
Settle down.
Calm down.
Stop struggling.
You're doing yourself no favours.
Fuck om! Right into the car.
Watch your head.
l made a mistake.
l'd just lost my mam.
l was confused.
We didn't have sex.
l couldn't.
lt's not the point, is it? You wanted to.
No.
It meant nothing.
None of it.
But the last few days has made me realise what we've got, me and you, it's like gold dust.
And to lose that > l may as well go up me mum's flat and chuck meself om, cos l swear, Vee, l'd be nothing without you.
Got to get to the airport.
< plane leaves at two.
Marty's giving us a lift.
Don't do this.
> l have got no choice! Everything we had was based on trust.
And you have ruined that.
We will never go back to the way it was before.
We will.
l swear.
Look, it won't happen overnight but lt won't but give it time Veronica, we can make this work.
l'll get a divorce.
We'll get married.
Me and you We'll do it proper this time.
Then we can start a family, and have a kiddie and that lVF, adoption, whatever it takes.
l can make you happy.
Just give me a chance.
Please, give me one more chance.
Right, l'm set.
Bye, then.
Shame we never had that nipper.
l'd love to have seen its face.
The only kid l ever want's with you.
How the fuck can l leave? Ready? One, two, three (Veronica) 'You know what they say, if you wanna give God a laugh, 'tell Him your plans.
'My philosophy is, never get too comfy, 'because it doesn't matter who you are, if the whirlwind comes your way, 'it's gonna tear your world apart.
'And the only thing you can do is cling on tight# l suppose you're fucking happy, aren't you! When did all this turn into a war? l thought we could have had something.
Where the fuck is my Mandy? Dealing drugs from her pram? l didn't want to be the one to have to tell you but Our Carl's got a job.
You're growing weed for the Maguires? Drug squad, all over the estate.
l can handle meself.
Start saying your prayers.
Cos Carl's fucking dead!