Taskmaster (2015) s03e05 Episode Script

1
Hello. I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.
Well, here we are. We've made it
to the end of the series.
It won't be long before one of
our task-trodden titans
lifts high this stunningly
attractive head.
The Taskmaster trophy.
Wooo!
But who will have amassed
the most points?
Only time will tell.
Ladies and gentlemen,
will you please
give a very warm welcome
to our finalists.
Mr Al Murray!
Dave Gorman!
Paul Chowdhry!
Rob Beckett!
And Sara Pascoe!
And right next to me, where he
belongs, is Mr Alex Horne.
Do you want to say
something, Alex?
- Really?
- Yes?
- Last one of the series.
- Oh, well, thank you
Thank you for keeping me on
for the whole series,
and I suppose, will you--
I'd like to say invite you, really,
to join me and my family for a meal,
maybe at my at my house.
- No thanks.
- No? OK.
Would I be able to,
um, see my family?
- No, they're fine.
- OK.
Right, prize task then.
Are we going out on a high?
I hope so. We've asked
them to bring in
a photo of their most
handsome relative. OK?
So, whoever has the most
handsome relative,
in your opinion, will win the
first major points of the show,
and whoever wins the whole episode
will win five photos of
these guys' family.
As if they needed any
more motivation.
I mean, that is the
shittest prize yet.
Paul, whose photo have you brought
in and why is it the best?
I've brought in a picture of my
dad's son.
My dad's son!
Sister's brother, as well.
Yeah?
I mean, that's you,
isn't it, Paul?
Well, it's not me, technically.
Well, you've moved on a bit.
Yeah, so he could still be living
in a parallel universe.
That was when I had
hopes and dreams.
You happy that's a "relative"?
I'm not, no. It's not a relative,
is it? It's him.
Sara, what relative
did you bring in?
I brought in one of my sisters,
or she's a half-sister.
My mum got Pebbles six months ago
'cause she was lonely
and I think she's very beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Do you like cats?
D'you know, it's well documented
that I really don't like cats.
Uh-oh
And clearly, you're not related
to a cat. I hope.
No, not a biological relation,
but adopted siblings are
still your siblings.
Hmmm.
- Are they, though?
- Yeeaah.
Can you still appreciate the
aesthetic of a beautiful cat?
I could technically do that,
but I'm gonna put myself out,
and I hope it doesn't come
across as offensive,
but looking at Pebbles
Pebbles looks like a bit
of a prick to me.
Al?
I've brought in a picture
of my grandfather.
Sir Ralph Murray when he was working
at the Foreign Office.
He gives off this old-world
distinguished vibe.
- I know that guy.
- You don't know that guy.
You stay out of this, mate.
He let our family into the country.
I mean, it could have been worse.
Everyone makes mistakes.
It's turned into a UKIP
rally all of a sudden.
I think he's a relatively
handsome chap
and I'm sure he was delightful.
Thank you.
Rob, what picture of a handsome
relative did you bring in?
I couldn't really bring any
of my relatives' photos in
because most of them are mug shots.
So what I've brought in is someone
who I think is my relative.
I was a bit fatter at school.
People said, "You look like
James Earl Jones."
And I said to my mum, "Mum, people
say I look like James Earl Jones."
And she went, "Oh, that's your uncle."
What, and she just lied?
I dunno, I think she
thought it was funny.
It was!
Darth Vader would've
been very different
voiced by you, though,
Rob, wouldn't he?
"Luke!"
"I'm your father!"
"You're a member of the
Rebel Alliance and a traitor!"
Dave, which handsome relative
have you brought in?
Well, I think the picture just
speaks for itself.
What?
- That is Cary Grant.
- Yeah.
Why is his arm coming
out of the frame?
Famously one of the most
handsome men in Hollywood.
Undisputedly, and as related
to you, I imagine,
as Darth Vader is to Rob.
No, no. His cousin married
my great-grandmother's niece.
- Seriously? You are related?
- We can have a look at it here.
That is the Gorman family tree.
The Fay in the bottom
arrow is my mum.
So Audrey above that is
my grandmother.
Winifred above that is
my great-grandmother,
which makes Sally her sister,
which makes Winifred
the aunt to Phyllis,
who's married Joseph Leech,
who is the cousin of Cary Grant.
And what you can't see,
just off the top
is Adam and Eve.
- That's really great.
- Yeah, it is true.
We have checked it out.
It is true.
It is true? Wow.
The most handsome relative
is clearly Cary Grant.
OK. Mr Dave Gorman wins the task.
Er, the second most handsome
is Al's grandad.
The third most handsome,
even though he's
clearly not related,
it's Rob with James Earl Jones.
And then I'm going to award
joint last place
to the cat and the
picture of himself.
Done. Thanks very much.
Let's get the next task under way.
Alex, what's the theme?
It's a bucket-themed task
and it's really fun.
Here we go.
"Move the water from Bucket A
to Bucket B."
I saw this coming a mile away.
"You must not move the buckets."
"Most water moved wins."
"You have ten minutes.
Your time starts"
Not quite this-- What have I got?
A sieve?
- Is this Bucket A?
- Yes it is, yeah.
It's not a trick?
Oh! Oh! What's happening?!
Why is there a hole in this bag?
It was a trick, wasn't it?
Why the fuck peas?
- Pardon?
- What are the peas for?
Oh, I thought they might
help move the water.
No.
So we've got to move that
water down to that bucket?
Yes, please, Paul.
Oh, this is horrible.
It's just moving a bucket of
freezing cold water, innit?
I mean, there's actual
bits of ice in here.
You've had tremendously bad luck
with the weather all
series, haven't you?
Oh, that was the first thing we did.
It was like 9 a.m. and it was
minus three or something.
- It was minus five.
- Minus five.
And the weather for everybody
else was perfectly lovely?
Lovely.
It was so cold!
And a wonderful collection
of rubbish
to help them move the water.
Yep. Woolly hat, colander,
bag of peas and holes.
A tray, a string bag, Sellotape
and a coconut.
Right. Loads of things that are
clearly useless for moving water.
These are intelligent people.
They won't try and use them, right?
Shall we start with Paul and Rob?
- Let's.
- OK.
Coconut.
What's the coconut for?
Whatever you want, Paul.
That's not gonna work.
- Is it not?
- No.
- Why not?
- It's got holes in, innit?
Well, Sellotape.
It's not gonna work, is it?
- Do you want that?
- Yes, please.
Thanks, Rob.
How much will stay in here?
You've got five minutes 20 left.
It's not gonna work either, is it?
Oh, it's so cold. I just
don't like going in it.
What's wrong, Rob?
I just farted 'cause I was cold!
You farted because you were cold?
Yeah, I just lost all control!
Oh, fuck me!
How's morale, Paul?
Who's she?
Oh, for fuck's sake
This is as much as I'm
gonna get in there.
Oh, there must be a tiny bucket
somewhere I could use!
Should've done that at
the beginning, innit?
I'll have that little cup.
- How long we got left?
- 50 seconds.
- Two more?
- Last one.
That's your time up, Paul!
Are you saying that
when you get cold
you fart as standard?
That week, I'd got a
two-week-old baby,
and having no sleep, and I just
was all over the place.
And it was so cold.
I was shitting meself,
I was dropping water.
I didn't know what was going on.
Did a little fart.
Did a little-- I just--
I was so cold.
I tense up when I'm cold.
Do you tense up when you're cold?
I do! Sorry. Yes I do!
Yeah, I always tense up when I'm cold.
You don't let a little fart out
when you tense up, do you?
Never farted, thank you.
I actually believe that.
Paul came up with a reasonably
good method of
There was a bag full of holes,
but he managed
to fold it over so the
holes were covered,
And he managed to get
four centimetres'
depth of water in his bucket.
Quite clever. So he did alright.
Yeah, he made two
trips back and forth.
And Rob? What about old
Farty Ice Pop?
Made that up.
The FIP managed to, uh
The least threatening
rapper of all time.
"Yo yo, the motherfuckin' FIP."
"Brrr! Pfffbt."
Eventually he realised you didn't
have to use the stuff there.
You could use anything.
There was a lot of litter lying around,
so he found a little cup.
He did five trips and got
6.6 centimetres of depth.
So he's the current leader.
Ah, alright!
He's got an unfair advantage, though.
"Rob Bucket."
It's time for a break, I think.
Come back in a moment
and find out how
Al, Dave and Sara tackled
our bucket challenge.
Welcome back to the final
Taskmaster of the series.
And tonight, to make it
extra special,
someone will go home with
a picture of Paul Chowdhry.
Alex, I want to say "bucket".
Of course you do, Greg.
That's your prerogative.
The current task involves
shifting water
from one bucket to another
on an athletics track
without moving the bucket itself.
So far, Rob has complained
about the cold.
Next up we've got Dave
and Sara. Ready?
Right, what the hell
have we got here?
Sellotape, this hat
I was gonna wear the hat.
A coconut.
Seriously?
Ten minutes, you say?
Well, nine and a half now.
Just some delicious snack
while I'm thinking.
How's the water-moving going?
There's water been moved as yet.
Just an experiment at the moment.
Nah, not great.
I've seen this happen when people
steal petrol from cars.
OK, that tastes disgusting
and doesn't work.
I mean, I've got an English degree!
There's so much stuff
that's useless here!
I'm not taking loads of journeys
with a tiny coconut.
Just gonna move a little bit.
- Alex?
- Yes?
Would you be able to bring that
bucket up that end for me?
Because it only said
I couldn't move it.
It didn't say that no one
could move it.
- Thank you, Dave.
- You're welcome.
- You've got 20 seconds, Sara.
- Come on. 20 seconds?
Yeah.
Urgh.
I mean, I will say I'm not gonna
let anyone touch that bucket.
If someone else has moved the bucket,
I'm gonna be furious.
I thoroughly enjoyed Dave being
very measured about
"What can I use? That doesn't work."
"No, that doesn't work."
"Ah, the hose. Yeah, that
seems like a logical
way of containing water.
Good, it's full."
You all walked out of a pavilion,
which only took you
about three minutes
to walk from it.
Full of buckets. You could've
run back there.
You don't wanna waste time looking
around a pavilion for a bucket
when you've got a coconut
to be having a go with.
What they've cut out is how often
I told Alex I hated him.
Yeah, he told me.
In between fairly hysterical crying.
Can we have some scores, please?
Sara, the best at opening a coconut
and then did eight little trips
with the coconut in the end.
0.8 centimetres of water.
A little bit of water.
I'm so ashamed!
Dave did the most
trips and achieved
so far the highest score
of 7.8 centimetres.
Can we now have Al's VT, please?
Of course we can. Here we go.
I'm not allowed to move
the bucket, but you are.
No, I'm not, unfortunately,
because I don't want to.
You don't want to?
No, it's too cold.
Hang on.
- Oh, here we go.
- Moneybags Murray.
I've got £115 on me.
That'll warm you up.
Come on, come on.
Don't run or you'll spill it.
No, do run with it.
We're running out of time.
Oh, my God!
Mmmm.
Two and a half minutes.
Can I have £10 now please?
Yes!
Yeah, there you go.
- Yeah-heah!
- Thanks, Al.
You like the money, don't you?
He likes the money.
I'm not-- I'm not gonna go--
- Put it next to the other bucket.
- I'm not gonna go any further, Al.
OK.
For £20, can you lift
the other bucket up?
- Can I have the money?
- Yeah.
Hold the bucket.
There we go.
Yeees, look at that. That's fantastic.
What?
Oh, Moneybags Murray.
This whole series has
been like watching
how Donald Trump would do things.
I mean, you have been
throwing money around.
Exactly!
And it's gross the way
he gives it away to you,
- like you're a little mouse.
- It works!
As disgusted as I was by watching
Al's display of wealth,
I am far more disgusted with
someone else in this room.
Ooooh
I wrote down a quote
from an earlier VT.
And it is as follows.
"Sara, just so you know"
"I will not be moving that
bucket for anyone."
It's almost like you
just know I'm poor.
How much did Al Murray give you
- to break your own rules?
- £80. £80.
But I'm sort of work experience, so--
What have you done with that £80?
I bought
some rounds in the bar
and pretended it was my money.
Right. Well, it's unacceptable.
Why don't he give us 20 quid each?
I think if the money's
gonna go anywhere,
it should go to charity.
Don't you, Rob?
No.
This is the way I see it.
Sixty of the £80 will
go to charity.
- £20 will go to Rob Beckett
- Thank you.
because he's
obviously got problems.
What charity would you like
to give the £60 to?
Er, children's? Or dolphins?
- Dolphins.
- Dolphins.
Good luck, dolphins.
£60 coming your way.
I'll pass judgment on the
points in a minute,
but first there must be an
extra penalty for you.
Take one of your shoes
and socks off.
- One of my Really?
- Yeah.
- For the rest of the episode?
- The right foot.
The right foot.
- That's the punishment?
- Yeah.
OK.
Don't like it.
Good. This is the way I see it.
Al Murray wasn't to know that his
ingenious method was contradictory,
- so I'm not going to penalise him.
- Thank you.
What I'm going to do is,
I'm going to award
Sara Pascoe an extra point.
Fair enough?
Yes!
- Done.
- OK.
Thank you.
Do you want to see the buckets?
Do you want to see
- Yes!
- what the buckets look like?
Yeah, let's have a look at
the amount of water in the buckets.
It's quite nice to see them.
Quite a soothing image.
We've got, um
Al Murray's there.
Over 11 centimetres.
There's Paul with the peas.
Rob Beckett's there, 6.6 centimetres.
Sara Pascoe's, just 0.8.
And then, finally, we've got
Dave Gorman's.
Was that in your mouth?
I was swallowing it and I was
bringing up bile from within me,
- 'cause it was such a poisonous liquid.
- Was he drinking tea?
Are you saying that that's
come out of your mouth?
Is that why it's that colour?
You saw I was siphoning,
I was running hard.
I'm not in good shape,
and it was making me
feel quite nauseous.
You look nervous, Dave.
You're not in trouble.
You know that, don't you?
He cheated! He's cheated again!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dave, I'm gonna ask you a question.
I can't believe he's done it again!
This is like the pea thing!
Have you, again, cheated?
I can honestly say no to that
because I didn't cheat before.
Oh-ho!
Have you cheated?
Might have done.
We did, uh film it.
- Well, thanks, Dave.
- Yeah.
If you want to go and get warm.
You've seen what I'm capable of!
We didn't know till we
looked at the bucket
and then we examined
that little camera.
- Really?
- Yeah.
How much do you want me
to give to the dolphins?
I mean, Dave, you're disqualified
from that round, I'm afraid.
Oooh!
Rules is rules. Nul points.
OK. How are
the scores looking, Alex?
Well, because Dave dropped out there,
we have a clear winner.
In second place is Rob,
but in first place,
Al Murray, so far,
with nine points.
The overall series lead is
incredibly close at the moment.
I don't wanna say what the scores are,
but there are three people
just a couple of points
separating them.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
I wonder who they are, Paul?
On with the next one.
OK. The next one is a team task.
Ready? Here we go.
I'm not getting in that.
"Wearing one of these hands
on each of your hands at all times"
"communicate to your team-mates
the names of these films,
books or TV programmes."
"You may not raise your voice."
"Most correct answers wins."
"You have ten minutes.
Your time starts
when the whistle's blown."
Charades?
Where are my team-mates?
Is that Sara?
I have no idea who they are.
Is there someone
with blue hands?
It's Rob!
Can he see me?
Hello!
Who's that? Who is it? I dunno.
Who are you?
What's your name?!
What's my name?
Why doesn't he know my name?
Gone quiet, hasn't she?
I mean, who did you think it was?
Did you think it was Al Murray?
I know, I couldn't
It was quite far.
- It was really far.
- It was 500 foot across.
OK, let's all have a break for a moment.
All five will be playing
charades across a river
right after these adverts. See you shortly.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're nearing the series climax,
but first, Alex,
can we please finish off
what we started?
Of course we can.
We're playing charades.
So the person guessing could shout.
The person doing the demonstrating
couldn't shout.
That's the rules.
I heard some people got very cross.
I got-- I was furious.
Let's have a look at
Rob and Sara's VT.
OK.
Book!
OK.
It's a film as well, innit?
Oh, this is ridiculous.
How am I gonna do a lion?
How d'you do a lion?
Terrible.
I mean, I don't know if he's
just living his life
or if he's trying to gesture to me.
Mad Max?
I mean, his hands aren't even
moving very much.
Unless the book is called The
Boring Shrug, I don't know what this is.
Book!
Yeah.
Er, windows?
What?
Fucking fuck off, plane!
How am I supposed to this
with a fucking plane?
I can't hear what she's saying!
You've got to make it big!
Football! It's football, innit?
Up in the Air.
Gone with the Wind.
War and Peace.
Sense and Sensibility.
The Beach.
I can't hear you, mate.
I can't hear you, mate!
What did she say?
You're gonna have to be louder!
Nineteen Eighty-Four!
Is she just guessing books?
Animal Farm!
EastEnders!
Neighbours!
Strictly Come Dancing!
This is pointless, innit?
Well, I'll go through them.
I'll see if I've got that one.
Oh!
Shout Nineteen Eighty-Four again!
Yeah, got one.
He's doing a film. FILM!
Yes.
Right.
Hello, hello! Hey!
She's not looking!
What's she doing?
Hey, Nelly.
Oh, no, don't apologise!
Oi, eyes on the prize!
You're a joke!
I think he's saying it's a joke.
I really can't tell if he's
exasperated or miming.
Alright, that's a song, innit?
Song!
Yeah. Right, now
What's the "Single Ladies" song?
Oh, oh, oh ♪
"Walking on Sunshine"!
All the single ladies
All the single ladies ♪
All the single ladies
Oh, oh, oh ♪
Moonwalk!
"Walking On the Moon"!
"Walking On the Moon".
Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh ♪
This is what he's doing
Like that, and then doing that.
Yeah, that's it! Yeah!
Oh, oh, oh ♪
What's that song they did?
And then wave hello.
Is it Beyoncé?
Is it "All the Single Ladies"?
YES!
Oh, thank fuck for that.
Oh, I mean, Sara definitely
had a lovely time.
- Petting dogs. Chatting.
- I met a little dog called Nelly!
I saw. You were having
a lovely old time.
- It was tough.
- It was really tough for us.
Yeah, and you got your knickers
in a right twist.
Well, I couldn't hear
what she was saying,
so it's hard to play charades
when you can't hear the guesses.
But didn't you call me stupid
and they've cut that out?
Oh, I think I was worse than that.
I mean, we've learnt
something, though.
If anyone's got anger
management problems
or you're going into any
threatening situation,
just ask the person to pop
some of those big gloves on.
It felt good being so angry,
looking so ridiculous.
Yeah.
So it was like, "Fuck's sake!"
Dah-dah-dah!
So what did they get in the end?
Incredibly, Sara guessed,
without him doing them,
War and Peace, The Bible,
Nineteen Eighty-Four,
and a passerby suggested Batman,
which was on the cards.
So, seven out of 20, she got.
- Wow!
- That's not bad.
- That's not bad at all!
- It's not bad.
And we're now going to see
some wise old men.
And Paul Chowdhry.
Who is young. A young man.
OK. Here we go.
We stand on this.
It's a book!
"The"!
"The" we got. Yeah.
Jurassic Park!
No, it's not "The" Jurassic Park, is it?
No.
- What's he doing now?
- Book?
I'm doing a thing where I'm not
allowed to raise my voice.
- Oh, yes. Yeah.
- But you're not me.
Yeah, yeah.
If you were to shout
across that river
The words "The Lion"
the Witch and the Wardrobe",
that'd be very helpful.
- Ben Fogle.
- OK, yeah.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Mad Max!
Winnie the Pooh.
- Taskmaster.
- Taskmaster!
Good show.
- No-one's heard of that.
- No.
Dave Gorman's
Sorry, say again?!
- They're out. They've run out.
- We're done.
OK. You used five minutes.
How handy that Ben Fogle
And that was actually Ben Fogle.
TV's Ben Fogle.
Al Murray paid five grand
for him to turn up there.
He was doing a photo-shoot
on the foreshore
of the river just by coincidence.
It's what happens your grandad's
a foreign secretary.
You can get anyone to move.
It is a lot easier, in charades,
when you can say the name.
They still didn't get one.
They genuinely didn't get
Dave Gorman's Modern
Life is Rubbish.
They got all but that,
but it's a long title--
What did you just call it, sorry?
Goodish! Modern Life is Goodish! Sorry.
Even when you're reading it,
you can't get it right.
But they did get 19 out of 20.
- Good.
- Yeah.
I don't know why you're shaking hands
like that was good gamesmanship.
You wouldn't have done
the same in that situation?
No, I like to play for fun.
So do they just win that one, then?
It didn't say that you couldn't get
Ben Fogle to shout the
How has that affected the points?
I mean, unsurprisingly,
Al, Dave and Paul
are now ahead of Rob and Sara.
The scoreboard looks like this.
Bam!
OK, Alex. I'd like one more task
to really complete the series.
Me too, and here it is.
Oh, it's cool that, innit?
Right.
"Do something that looks
brilliant when sped up"
"or slowed down."
"You have one hour. Your
time starts now."
Near a golf course.
Could do a drive.
Looks quite good slowed
down, doesn't it?
Have a little think
about it, I reckon.
Yeah, I've got an idea, actually.
Quite a good idea, I think.
Mmm.
Who are we seeing first?
We're gonna start with Dave Gorman.
That would be a really
good Guinness advert.
It is available for Guinness
if they are prepared
to pay the price.
Were those biscuit crumbs?
That was glitter.
Oh, sorry, I was just
thinking how much I liked them.
Well, so, pretty rock
and roll video, really.
Two famously rock and
roll things there.
Glitter and balloons.
Great, though. Let's see some others.
OK, the bar is set.
We're gonna see Sara's slow-mo.
Or fast-forward. We'll see.
Rob just asked me if there
was someone in there.
I didn't know if they did it
like Wallace and Gromit.
Yeah?
Just moving a little bit at a time.
It would've taken Sara one
month to make that.
Really, really impressive.
Technology is always,
in films, depicted
as something destructive
or frightening.
Why not have a nice dancing robot?
Yeah, well, it was a
story of loneliness
and then companionship
and then boogying.
OK, it's time for Al Murray.
I mean
This is all the funnier
when you know that
Al is the only person,
well, I've ever met,
who knows someone who
owns a gong shop.
And this is the second time the gong
has appeared in Taskmaster history.
He's gong mad.
Yeah.
Gong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.
- Did you like it, the gong?
- I thought it was wonderful.
So presumably your facial expression
was based on the wig coming off.
Yes.
What was the facial expression gonna
be before it turned into?
Something, you know, smouldering.
Oh, don't, that's
Who's next?
OK. How about, oh, Paul?
- Wanna see Paul Chowdhry?
- Do I?
It was really thoughtful,
really clever.
I'm the best at keepy-uppies, innit?
I can keep it up for a long time.
You did boast a lot about your
football skills before.
It was the ninth take,
but, you know
The point is, you did a
genuinely good film,
and I honestly thought it was
gonna be horse shit.
So well done.
I'm afraid we have to
stop now for a break.
When we return, it's gonna
really kick off.
There's Rob's movie, the final
task of the series,
but most importantly, we reveal the
overall champion of Taskmaster.
It's gonna be powerful.
See you there.
Well, hello there!
Join us for the final
part of Taskmaster.
Before long, one of
our five comedians
will be awarded this
hallowed trophy
and make their families
proud at last.
One of them will also go home
with a picture of a cat.
Exciting times ahead.
Alex, let's get back
to the action.
OK then. We have seen
four films with
the footage either slowed
down or sped up.
And I like them all equally,
which is why I'm sat here.
The only one we haven't seen
yet is Rob Beckett's.
I am intrigued by the
narrative of yours.
As to who this supervillain is
that's coming after you,
because he is using three
very distinct weapons.
Yes.
Peas, watermelon, flour.
Yeah, yeah, the story of that was
belt some shit out of
some fruit and veg.
You didn't have in your mind
that you were a character
and there was an enemy approaching?
Yeah, that as well.
I'm gonna make some snap
decisions on this.
This is so tough. I thought they
were all genuinely brilliant.
It is harder when they
do well, isn't it?
- OK. Oh, God.
- Last place?
It's gonna be Al. Do you know why?
Because he's used his gong already
and he didn't mean his wig to fall off.
And I'm putting in joint next place
I'm putting Dave and Paul.
And the joint winners for me
because I could imagine a narrative
are Sara and Rob. Bam, I've done it.
Alex, can you please
update us on the scores
and tell us how the race
for the trophy is doing?
The race for the trophy
is doing really well.
It's so tight. I'm not gonna
say who's in the lead.
I know. It's brilliant.
For this particular episode,
there's, uh
Dave is on 13 points,
but in the lead is
Al Murray with 16 points.
Yes!
Just one more batch of
points to dish out,
and don't forget, this not only
counts for this show,
but also for the overall scores
across the series.
So, for one last time,
will you please
head to the stage for
the final task!
Alex, what's in the box?
Deal or No Deal's gone
down-market, hasn't it?
It's, uh, the final task,
and I should say that
Al, Dave and Rob
Close to being neck and neck.
And what about me and Paul?
Close to being neck and neck as well,
but a different part of the body.
Knee and knee.
Right, so, in the box you've all got
five doughnuts on a stick. OK?
Mmm. Who do you want
to read the task?
Oooh. Al, please.
"Place one or more doughnuts
on your stick."
"You have a hundred seconds,
after which the person
with the lowest unique whole number
of doughnuts on their stick wins."
What?
There's more. "In the event of
there being no unique numbers,
the task shall be replayed
until there is a winner."
- Do you want me to explain?
- Yeah.
So you're all gonna put
doughnuts on your stick.
There are five at the moment. You could
be taking them off or putting them on.
At the end of the hundred seconds,
you're gonna lift up your box.
We'll see how many doughnuts
you've put on your stick.
Whoever's got the lowest unique
number of doughnuts wins.
For example, if you three
put two, Rob puts one,
you put three, Rob's won.
It's the lowest unique number.
I need to make sure you
definitely all understand, though.
Paul?
I feel like a bit of
a doughnut up here.
- Are you ready?
- Good luck, everyone.
Put your doughnuts on the stick.
Off you go.
- You're watching them?
- Yeah, I'm watching them.
How are you getting on, Dave?
Not telling you.
Paul, how many doughnuts
are on your stick?
Huh?
How many doughnuts
are on your stick?
I thought I'm not allowed
to tell anyone.
You can tell anyone anything.
You could be lying.
I've still got four on the stick.
No, you haven't.
Sara, how many doughnuts
have you put on your stick?
It's none of your business.
Oh. You don't have
to tell the truth.
But I can't think of what to lie.
Eleven. I've got 11
doughnuts on a stick.
Have you finished, Rob?
Yeah, I don't-- I can't
work out how to do it.
What you don't realise
is Al's paid a man
to be strapped up
in the lighting.
There's only ten seconds left.
You've got five more seconds
to make your decision.
If you could all replace the lids
in three seconds
And
Step away from your boxes, please.
So, Al Murray has gone for
One doughnut.
That's a big call.
Dave Gorman
One doughnut.
The two old men cancel each other
out at this stage. It's exciting.
I wouldn't be so stupid.
Paul Chowdhry has put
One doughnut.
Rob Beckett has put
Two doughnuts!
Sara Pascoe
has put two doughnuts!
We go again, we go again!
We go again, we go again.
Put your sticks back.
This time you have 20 seconds.
Your 20 seconds starts
OK.
Sticking with one?
- None of your business.
- Sort of is.
- Not yet, it isn't.
- No, quite right.
What are you doing?
Hiding the doughnuts.
OK, five seconds left.
Oh, gamesmanship from Al.
OK, two seconds left.
And shut your boxes, please.
OK.
I don't know about you,
I'm genuinely excited.
Al Murray, this time,
has gone for one doughnut.
Dave Gorman's done one as well!
Damn it!
But if I didn't, you'd win!
Paul Chowdhry
- Can I predict Paul's?
- Yes.
- Five doughnuts.
- Nearly.
Four doughnuts!
Five doughnuts!
You're right! Five doughnuts!
I should have been able to count.
Paul will only win if
there are all ones
or if these two are both
twos or threes or fours.
Yep.
We have two doughnuts.
We're gonna have a winner!
- We are gonna have a winner, it's official.
- It's exciting, innit?
It's either Paul or Rob.
Sara can't win.
Oh, thanks, alright?
I'm still having fun.
OK, it's either a one or a two.
- But if she's put three doughnuts?
- It will not be the lowest unique number.
I now fully understand the game.
Here we go. So if it's
a two, Paul wins.
If it's a one, Rob wins.
Sara's put
three doughnuts!
No!
- Oh, that is a shame.
- Paul!
You could have given them
to the audience!
I could still give them
to the audience.
Anyone want a doughnut?
OK, well done to Rob!
Can you please come down to
find out tonight's winner?
Doughnuts, Alex. What happened?
Very interesting tactics.
I mean, for me, it was Al and Dave
not budging from one.
Both of them, the same minds.
That's 'cause I knew
he was doing one.
Oh, you had to block him?
Yeah, I knew he was
doing one as well.
Did you not think that someone else
might do one and you could do two?
When I did it the first time,
I knew that he'd done one
and I didn't know what he'd done,
so I had to block him.
And the second time,
I knew he had done one,
but I didn't know what he'd done,
so I had to block him.
What was your tactic, Rob?
I just took three off and
just put the box shut.
Sometimes that's all it
takes for a victory.
OK, Alex. Can you please tell us
the scores for today's show?
I can, and that win has pushed
him up a lot of places.
Al Murray has 16 points,
but in the lead,
and the winner, in fact, is
Mr Rob Beckett with 17 points!
Rob Beckett wins. Five whole
photographs are all yours.
Rob, you are the luckiest
man in Britain.
Please go up there and
collect your prizes!
Well, that is another series complete.
It is. Does it make you
feel complete, Greg?
- It sort of does.
- Does it?
- Yeeeah.
- OK.
But before we find out our
overall series winner
What have we learnt today?
Well, we've learnt that
if you want to
hear Rob Beckett fart,
put him in a fridge.
And today we learnt that the
winner of this episode is
Rob Beckett!
OK, the time has come at last.
After five episodes,
countless tasks,
and some bizarre and
brilliant tactics
we're about to reveal
the overall winner,
and present them with this.
The Taskmaster trophy.
Alex has added up the points
across the series,
so I will now hand over to him
to tell us the ultimate scores!
OK. So, uh
Tight, it was tight. There was just two
points separating three men at the end.
Which means there were
five points available.
There's only one winner, and
he has won by six points overall.
It's Mr Rob Beckett!
Thank you very much. Cheers.
You can see the
scoreboard there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the
champion of the third
series of Taskmaster
is Mr Rob Beckett!
- Congratulations, Rob.
- Thank you very much.
Rob Beckett!
Thank you so much, everyone.
Take care and good night!