The Grand Tour (2016) s03e05 Episode Script
An Itchy Urus
1 (ENGINE REVVING) (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) (CHEERING) Hello! Hello! What a surprise! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Welcome.
And coming up in this week's show: Abbie is sideways on ice in a 911 Turbo Richard drives Jim Clark's beautiful Lotus 25 and I nearly fall over.
(CHEERING) That - Exciting looking show.
- Right.
That is all to come.
Now Hang on a minute.
Does that mean Howard and Adrian aren't coming on? - No.
Haven't got time.
- (LAUGHTER) We actually begin with the French.
Er now, they don't make a sports car very often, but when they do, literally nobody buys it.
We've had the Venturi Atlantique, and then there was the Matra Murena, and then there was the Simca Sport.
And all of them fell down the back of the sofa of history.
Yeah, yeah, but you're conveniently forgetting to mention the best of the French sports car makers.
That's like saying the best of the airborne plagues.
- No.
- The best of the No, it isn't.
There is one French maker that's been consistently good at making sports cars, and they've made a new one, and I've been testing it.
JAMES: It's called the A110, and it's made by Alpine, a French sports car firm who have a history of hitting the spot.
The original A110, for example, won the World Rally Championship in 1973.
And it's that car that gives the new one not only its name but also its looks.
So, what we have here is a small, pure, no-nonsense sports car aimed squarely at the Porsche Cayman and the Audi TT.
And this, unfortunately, is where the problems begin.
You see, this launch version of the Alpine costs £51,000.
£51,000.
Now, for £1,000 more, you can have the TT RS.
That's the one Clarkson was driving in the last series.
And that's more powerful, and it's faster.
And the Porsche Cayman you buy for £51,000 is also more powerful than this, and it's a Porsche.
Whereas this is an Alpine.
That's something you're going to have to explain when you're down the pub.
Even the engine sounds a bit lame.
I don't mean the noise it makes, I mean when somebody asks you, "What's that got, then, mister?" Because the answer is, "A four-cylinder 1.
8-litre turbo, sonny!" For over £50,000.
I mean, is that it? Also, I'm not sure about the looks.
The original 1960s version was a masterpiece.
But for me, this modern reboot doesn't quite work.
The problem, I think, is that on modern cars there are rules about things like how high the headlights are above the ground, how forgiving the bonnet is if you run into a pedestrian.
And once you stretch modern legislation over 1960s design language, you end up with a sort of slightly lame tribute act.
So, is there anything good to report? Well, thankfully, yes.
For starters, although Alpine is owned by Renault, this car is not just a hot Mégane dressed up in some fancy suit.
The A110 is in fact a mid-engined, rear-drive sports car designed from scratch, on a clean sheet of paper.
The body and the chassis are made entirely of aluminium.
And the reason for that is simple - its lightness.
And from that starting point, the Alpine engineers nerded their way through the rest of the car and shaved off every spare gram they could find.
The seats, for example, are half the weight of the ones you'll find in any hot Renault.
The handbrake is built into the main callipers, rather than being separate, saving another 2.
5 kilos.
Even the stereo is a bespoke, lightweight design.
And then there's this boot at the front, which is just deep enough for a small suitcase like this one.
But now I think about it, putting the suitcase in there would just add weight.
So what I would do is just pack my overnight stuff straight in there.
The only downside is that in the morning, I have to go outside if I want a fresh pair of pants.
So, thanks to Alpine's fanatical diet regime, this car is 300 kilos lighter than a Cayman or an Audi TT.
And that has a profound effect.
Suddenly, it doesn't really matter that you've only got 1.
8 litres and 248 horsepower.
This thing absolutely zips along.
Nought to 60, four and a half seconds.
Top speed limited to 155 miles an hour.
And then, when you get to a corner (TYRES SCREECH) you find out just how agile this thing is.
(LAUGHS) It's like driving a feather.
(TYRES SCREECH) (CHUCKLES) It is like a cartoon car.
It should come with those little bubbles saying But even though the A110 is built to minimalist principles, you never feel like you're in some miserable, Spartan track-day car.
It has air-con, sat-nav, phone connectivity - all the modern things you want.
This whole lightness and smallness thing cascades down in a sort of waterfall of pure joy.
Lower weight means you don't need such big tyres, you don't need so much grip.
That gives the car more feel.
Low weight means you use less fuel, you make lower emissions.
It's just win-win-win-win all the way.
This is actually the most intelligent car I've driven for years.
And I love it for that.
I love it.
(CHEERING) Thank you.
Erm So So despite the ordinary engine, the looks that you're not sure about, and the high price, you liked it? I did.
I loved it, yeah.
- Yes, but would you buy one? - I have.
(LAUGHTER) - You've bought one of those? - I have.
And actually, so has Gordon Murray.
I've brought a picture of him along.
Him.
He designed the McLaren F1, so he knows.
Yeah, so it's the sports car of choice for old men with terrible shirts.
- So that's good to know.
- JEREMY: Evidently.
But, now let's see how fast it goes round the Eboladrome, shall we? And she's off.
Brisk start, and a parp from the exhaust on the up-change.
Immediately onto the Isn't Straight.
And actually, that's not hanging around.
Perhaps James was right about the benefits of whatever it was he was saying.
Howling round the final bend of the Isn't.
Dropping down now into Your Name Here.
Scrubbing off speed in a hurry.
Torturing those tyres, but that does look pretty nimble.
Now, the canter back down the Isn't, picking up speed.
Dab of brakes at the mid-point.
Now much harder on the brakes, flicking down the seven-speed box for Old Lady's House.
Any understeer? No, not bad for a mid-engined car with no weight over the nose.
I actually rather like the styling of this, and I'm right.
Just Field of Sheep to go now.
Here we are.
And oh, yes, that's an exuberant drift to finish, and across the line! Very good.
Very good.
Good driving, on form.
(RICHARD MUTTERS) Right.
Right, let's see where it goes on our lap board.
Will it go in the top ten? Oh, dear, no, it doesn't.
Sorry, May, that is dismal for a mid-engined car.
It is.
It isn't about things like lap times.
I told you before.
He who is first shall be last, and the last shall be first.
- Yes, but it's 15th.
- It is, yeah.
- It is, it is.
(LAUGHS) - So? It's the Romain Grosjean of cars, that is.
- Romain who? - Grosjean.
- Who's he? - He's a French racing driver.
The 15th best Formula One driver in the world, in fact.
- You'd like him.
- I already do.
Good.
Good, so we've sorted that out.
It's time for us to move on, because right now it is time for us to scrump an apple of chat from the orchard of intercourse, which is on Conversation Street.
(JAZZ PLAYING) - I like that one.
- I thought you would.
- I like that one a lot.
- That's so up your street.
Um right now, lots of people these days are buying old cars, and we think we can see why.
Yeah, because an old Jaguar E-Type, or Alfa Spider, is far more interesting to look at than any modern car, and it won't depreciate.
In fact, it'll make you money.
Yeah, the trouble is, though, you get into your old car, and it's crap.
He's absolutely right, we forget how terrible old cars were, really.
I mean, if you go more than 40 miles an hour, the windscreen wipers part company with the windscreen.
- Yes.
- And the headlamps are like candles in jam jars.
- And the demister doesn't.
- No, it doesn't.
- And the heater doesn't.
- No.
And everything else rattles, and the brakes don't work.
- Exactly.
- That's old cars, they were I speak from experience.
I've got a 40-year-old Ferrari, a 308.
Apart from all those things, it's catastrophically slow.
You wouldn't believe it.
I pull away from lights, and people behind honk because they think, - "That's a Ferrari, that'll Oh.
" - Yeah.
They honk? Doesn't that happen in any car you drive? - No, no, no - "Oh, get out of the way!" Pretty much.
But it is unbelievable just how poor it is.
RICHARD: Very slow.
But that's the exact point we're trying to make here.
There are now loads of companies who will take an old car and then gently modernise it.
Got some examples here of what we're on about.
There's this, which is the Singer Porsche, I'm obviously not very interested in that.
These two are, but I couldn't care less.
Then you've got the Eagle, er E-Type Speedster, one of the best-looking cars I've ever seen.
That's an actual E-Type, and one of the most beautiful to drive.
Absolute honey.
Yeah, there's a company in Germany now, and they are modernising lightly.
Remember those old Mercedes Pagoda SLs? - Oh, yeah.
- They're putting AMG engines in.
What, mo That's got a modern AMG engine in it? RICHARD: Do you want to have a look at the engine? Another shot.
- Hang on.
- JEREMY: There it is, look at that! - RICHARD: That is a car.
- JEREMY: I see you like that.
- Very, very much.
- I've got something you'll like more.
- Have you? - Mm-hm.
RICHARD: Oh, my God! JEREMY: That is an old '68 Dodge Charger.
- You used to have one.
- I did.
But someone has put in that a 1,000-horsepower modern-day Hellcat engine.
Aw! - I mean - I I need some time alone - with that picture.
- It's just JEREMY: That is such a good idea, this, I think.
It is actually, and it's a very good point.
We all think we would like a Jensen Interceptor, don't we? But the fact is it won't go, it won't stop if it ever does go, the brakes won't work, all the rest of it - terrible thing.
But here is a Jensen Interceptor, but that has modern brakes, has a modern cooling system, and it has the engine from a Corvette.
No, it does.
I've actually driven that very car, and it's epic.
Well, that one isn't anymore, because somebody wrapped it round a fence in Goodwood.
- Spoiled it.
- But it was epic before that.
- It's a fantastic car, it really, really is.
- (SQUEAKING) I'd like to explain, by the way, that squeaking noise is not James thinking, it's (JEREMY LAUGHS) it's the wind.
- It's quite a breezy day.
- It's a breezy day.
And we decided to base ourselves in a tent because we're mad.
- And on a hill.
- And on a hill.
But I think the problem with all of these reimagined cars is that they're expensive, they're too expensive.
That Mercedes Pagoda SL, that's £300,000, those Singer Porsches, £400,000, that E-Type Speedster, 650 grand - it's just crazy.
The problem is that the companies who are doing this kind of work, they know they can charge that kind of money, cos the customers that come to their workshops invariably arrive in a helicopter with a Ukrainian girlfriend and Lewis Hamilton's watch.
And the fact is, if you're gonna dress up like that and act like that, if you're gonna show off, you'll get ripped off, that's the way it is.
- They charge accordingly, don't they? - That's asking for it.
What you should do is ring them up and say, "Could you collect me from the station?" That'd be better.
No, the bus stop.
"Pick me up from the bus stop", I've come to look at these cars you're making.
" I've just had a thought.
Right, picture this.
An original Opel Manta A.
Remember the one? - The round taillights? - Yeah yeah, black bonnet.
But with the engine from a modern Vauxhall VXR in it.
So I just find some blokes that'll do that for me, I do that on the phone, and then I go and visit them on the bus in a tracksuit.
And you'll get charged 50 quid.
Well, probably 40, cos I need a tenner to get home on the bus.
(LAUGHTER) Ooh, now.
(CLEARS THROAT) There's a new electric car from, you're not going to believe this - Kalashnikov.
- Really? Yeah, the people who make AK-47s are going to start making electric cars.
I like the sound of that.
Do you want to see a picture of it? Here it is.
- RICHARD: Ah.
- JAMES: Oh.
No, don't laugh, because from the back it's actually worse.
- There you go.
- RICHARD: You're right, it is.
Now, I assumed that it would have eight moving parts, that you could bury it in a bog for three months and that it would only jam if Richard Hammond used it.
Yes, all right.
But they say it has revolutionary technology.
Does it? Does it have central locking, and loading? More importantly, can you fire it in the air at weddings? You probably would.
"Exam results, children," they go out and do that.
No, but I think the idea of driving a car called a Kalashnikov - It sounds brilliant.
- Oh, yeah, pretty good.
Yeah.
"What are you driving these days, Rich?" - "Well, it's a Kalashnikov.
" - There you go.
- There you go.
- The problem is, I reckon they're gonna sell a lot of T-shirts and mugs and hats with the name on, but not many actual cars.
- Like Ferrari? - Basically Ferrari, yeah.
JEREMY: Oh, er, here's one.
There's a story I got from the Dorset Echo, which is a local newspaper in Dorset.
And, um I think it wins the award for unnecessary reporting, because it's about a crash that happened between a motorcyclist and a tank.
Happened Yeah, happened near that army base down there.
OK, and it says, "The motorcyclist sustained a suspected fracture to his arm and leg.
" And here's the line they probably didn't need: "The driver of the tank was uninjured.
" - Oh, was he? - No? Well, he was lucky to get away with that, wasn't he? - (LAUGHTER) - Was he really? I suspect he got back to base and went, "I hit a what?" "Did I?" Good conversation here, I think.
Very good conversation.
Because they've announced a new type of motor racing championship for women.
It's called the W Series, OK? And the idea is is that potentially quite good, you know, women racing drivers can take part in this series.
Cars are all exactly the same, you're invited to take part, and the prize money is £1.
1 million.
So, it's, you know, fairly incentivised.
There's actually been a lot of discussion about it, or actually debate, I should say.
Cos some people are saying it's sexist to have a women-only championship.
But if you think about it, you've got women-only football, and rugby and hockey - all Olympic sports, pretty much, are segregated between men and women, so I can't see why motor racing should be different.
Not all sports, though.
Men and women compete directly against each other in dressage.
Yeah, but that's not a sport.
It isn't.
That's just sitting on a horse while it tries to look camp.
(LAUGHTER) All right, then, they can JAMES: He's right.
- (LAUGHS) - It is, though.
You're right, actually.
There's no segregation, then, between men and women in sailing, they compete against each other.
That's not a sport either, is it? Sailing is a job.
You have to pull pieces of rope - All right, then! - It's manual labour.
It's manual labour.
It's not a sport.
There's a world of difference between any of that and single-seater car racing.
Why, though? Why is it? Is it, "Oh, well, you need manly strength to do it?" Cos you don't, anyway, cos even an F1 car has power steering these days.
But I was driving a single-seater race car the other day, I can't remember what or where but it had slick tyres.
After three laps, my neck muscles had I was like this.
I hadn't got the strength to lift my head up, I had to wait for the next corner to roll over the other way.
Now, I know, you know, Navratilova and the Williams girl, you wouldn't want to arm-wrestle either of them, so women can build up their muscles to compensate for that.
So, wait, are you saying that there should be segregation with women and men in motor sport? Well, it doesn't really matter what I think.
The fact is, it's 43 years since there was a a girl in a Formula One motor race.
43 years.
Something's going wrong, they're not making it.
I think it's grass roots.
It happens early on.
I think too many mothers put their little daughters on ponies and not into go-karts.
No, not entirely.
Some girls do go karting, cos Abbie, our driver, she was karting since she was a little nipper.
Well I think what this series is all about, it's not about segregation, it's about encouraging women to go car racing, which I think is a good idea.
Yeah, I think it is, but I think it has to start early on.
So, little girls, it's time to get off your ponies, and get into a go-kart.
And I can tell you actually, from some experience of horses, the good thing is, when you walk out in the morning, you'll find that your go-kart hasn't crapped itself and died in the night.
So it's better than your horse.
You'll also find out that go-karts are more fun than going on "an horse", they just are.
Yes, yes.
And you'll find also that a go-kart won't pop its long, stupid head up over the stable door and look at you, and you know it's thinking, it's trying to say to you, "Yeah, your wife, she's back here with me, in here.
" Er she's given me breakfast in bed, "crapped myself last night, but she's clearing that up with a garden fork.
" And then it says, "And my penis is a bit dirty.
She'll be sorting that out for me later on.
" Then your wife's head will pop up over the stable door and she'll say, "Don't look at him like that, he'll think you don't like him," and you'll say, "I know!" (LAUGHTER) If I could speak horse, I would tell him, "I hate you.
" I hate the way you steal my wife and my money "and my status around here.
" And then one day, you'll have a conversation with your wife, and she'll say, "Darling, I need a trailer to move my special horse around to wonderful places" because these fields are too small for him "to exercise his magnificent, muscled legs.
" And you'll say, "OK, I'll get you a trailer.
" Then she'll say, "I need a special car to tow the special trailer to carry the special horse.
" So you'll get one.
And then one day, she'll say, "I need a lorry, a great big lorry," to carry my great, big magnificent horse around the country, and the lorry must have a kitchen and a bed in it so I can sleep close to my horse, "closer to my horse than I am to you.
" And at that moment, your head will bow and your heart will break, because you know you have lost, and the horse has won.
- (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) JAMES: That's very good.
That is, um - Slightly off.
- We trod on the H-bomb.
Every time you mention the horse word to him, he's off.
Oh, did it again! I think we probably end Well, it's not Conversation Street, that was Rant Street from Hammond.
- Sorry about that.
- Let's move it on, shall we? There's a new off-road four-wheel drive Lamborghini.
It's called the Urus, and to find out if it's any good, I took The Grand Tour to Sweden, armed with some questions.
Here's my first big question: If you build a car to tackle terrain like this, can it still be a proper Lambo? Well, the Urus certainly looks like a jacked-up supercar.
With its swivel-eyed styling, it appears to be every inch a Lamborghini.
But is it? To make this car, Lambo's engineers had a good rummage around in Volkswagen's parts bin.
So the engine, a four-litre V8, is from a Porsche Panamera.
The rear axle and air suspension is from a Bentley Bentayga.
The platform on which it sits, and a lot of the dashboard, is from an Audi SQ7.
So, does that mean this isn't really a Lamborghini at all? (ELECTRONIC BLEEP) (ENGINE REVVING) Well, it does 0-60 in 3.
6 seconds.
And it has a top speed of 189.
So, it has the performance you'd expect.
But there's other stuff you wouldn't expect.
This is the first Lamborghini to use turbocharging, and the first to have an automatic gearbox.
What that combination means is there's a very slight and rather un-Lamborghini-ish gap between putting your foot down and it getting going.
And when it does get going, there are no screaming histrionics.
Sure, there's a bit of popping and banging from the back.
But you can't hear that inside, where everything is muted and refined.
Perhaps that's why all the writing down here is in Latin.
This is a Lamborghini for emeritus professors.
(ENGINE ROARS) I can see the Pope in one of these.
So, it's quiet and a bit hesitant.
And it has snazzy diffs and a clever traction-control system.
And the biggest carbon brakes ever fitted to a road car.
So it's safe as well.
However, there's no getting around the fact that I'm currently driving on snow and ice in a car that has 641 horsepowers rampaging around underneath its bonnet.
(ENGINE REVVING) Which means that, actually, it's not that safe at all.
Ooh, God above.
Concentrating.
Twitchy and it's scary! It's like I've been put in charge of all of the world's physics, while I'm in a phone box full of wasps.
Ee! Stop, leave me alone! I'm doing tides and gravity Agh, stop! This car, then, it sits right at the moment where excitement stops and terror begins.
That is Lambo land, that is.
(CHUCKLES) Shit! So, the Urus looks and feels like a Lamborghini.
It's also practical.
The boot is massive.
And inside, there's space for five six-footers.
It's a nice place to be as well.
And all that's great.
But does it work off-road? To find out, I'm going to try and drive it to the top of this ski resort.
Now, it's wearing these tyres, which have no studs in them, or spikes.
And I'm wearing these, which are not delicate Italian driving shoes.
Not sure this is gonna go well.
Problems actually get worse when you're in here because there's no manual locking differentials, there's no low-range gearbox.
All you can do is fire it up and then put the drive system into snow mode.
Is Is that snow? Is "Neve" Latin for snow? Think it might be.
So, let's see if that works.
Here we go.
Mustn't hit a skier, mustn't hit a skier.
Oh, it's moving.
(CHUCKLES) The 165,000-pound Lamborghini is driving up a ski slope.
Those turbo chargers may be a little bit annoying on the road, but here they're giving me the low-down torque that I need to get up this hill.
And I've got an inclinometer, like you used to get in an old Mitsubishi Shogun.
(CHUCKLES) This is actually quite impressive, it's just dropped down into first.
(ENGINE REVVING) Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Hello, bewildered-looking skiers.
I cannot believe that this is a 2.
4-ton car on normal road tyres, and it's doing this.
Come on, come on, come on, you can do it.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Oh, hang on a minute.
- (ENGINE REVVING) - Yeah.
Yeah, I now can believe it's a 2.
4-ton car on normal road tyres cos it's stuck.
- (ENGINE REVVING) - No.
- (COMPUTER BEEPS) - Oh.
Right.
So, what we've established so far is that, yes, it is a Lamborghini.
Feels exciting like a Lamborghini should.
And, um I meant this.
And, er it's good off-road as well, but just not quite as good as a Range Rover.
Which leaves us with one more thing to answer: Is it a good laugh? What we've done is use a snow plough to create a racetrack on this frozen lake.
And this is what we have planned.
I'm going to try and overtake this, a four-wheel drive Porsche 911 Turbo, which is being driven by The Grand Tour's racing driver Abbie Eaton.
- Have you seen this crack? - I hadn't noticed that before.
Look at the state of this! ABBIE: You're the heavier car, aren't you? Hm, that's 2.
4 tons, and I weigh half a ton.
Are you not worried about that? I haven't got my seatbelt on, so if it goes under, I can get out straightaway.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
JEREMY: Before the duel began, I had a few practice laps on my own.
Oh, heavens.
Come on, turn! Whoops, I'm going off a bit.
Ooh! Ah, my Urus is a bit twitchy.
Sort of thing you'd say to your doctor.
Right, flick it in there.
Now go the other way, and power.
Oh, yeah.
Mouse in, lion out.
That's what they say in Sweden.
(CHUCKLES) I'm making my own fog now! It may not be able to get as far up a ski slope as a Range Rover, but for doing this, it's better.
(LAUGHS) But, would it be good enough to get past Abbie in that Porsche? There she is.
There she is! (CHUCKLES) The bell has sounded, the race is on.
Now we'd find out what's what on our specially designed track.
Right, round the Bell End.
Now down the Shaft to what we're calling the Parabollocka.
I've raced against a few dicks in my time but never on one.
I should be able to get her, for heaven's sake, come on! She, of course, has four- wheel-steering, same as I do.
Oh, she has got better braking than I have.
Now, give me 641 horsepower! Oh, yeah.
You know I said it was a bit hesitant sometimes? Well, in Corsa mode, it isn't.
It's bob-on, this.
Bob-on! Ooh, she's gone wide, is there a chance here? Come on! Now, now! Bollocks.
Come on now, Jeremy.
Come on! Come on, you can have her! Come on! For lap after lap, the big heavy Urus clawed at the rear end of the 911 Turbo.
Oh, God.
Nearly! Now.
But eventually, I had to admit defeat.
I can't get past that 911, and that's just an end of it, but I can keep up.
And in an off-road car that is fairly astonishing.
It really is.
Certainly, I can believe Lamborghini's claim that this is the fastest off-road car in the world.
(APPLAUSE) - That was quite good fun.
- Looked like fun, yeah.
A nice day out.
- I got paid for that.
- That was your job.
That is work.
Doing that is my work.
Um it probably won't be the fastest off-road car in the world for very long, though, because both Aston Martin and Ferrari have got, er - big SUVs coming out this year.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Thing is, could you really tell people that you have a Urus? Cos it it sounds like a minor alien out of Star Trek.
- Yeah.
- But it does work as a Lamborghini.
Yeah.
But no.
Well, this is excellent consumer advice.
- I'm glad we - Yeah, it's very clear, very clear.
The thing is, after I made that film, which was quite good fun, I came home and I thought, the trouble is it could do with being a bit more Aventador-ish.
It could do with being a bit more mad.
Are you saying you changed your mind? - Yes.
- Oh, great.
So, Prime Minister Clarkson returns from the summit: "I've declared war, but on the plane home" I had another think about it and I'm not so sure now.
- "I've changed my mind.
" - Exactly, that's what I've done.
Good, well, since we're in such a sensible frame of mind, I'd like to move things on now, um, with a brief history lesson.
(ENGINES REVVING) RICHARD: On April the 7th, 1968, a racing driver was killed in a Formula Two race in Hockenheim, Germany.
Sadly, the driver's death was not a surprising occurrence, because such was the danger of the sport back then, he was one of 127 racing drivers who would die at the wheel that year alone.
This time, though, the death sent shockwaves through the motorsport world, because it had just lost the man who was unquestionably the greatest racing driver of his day, and who many argue is still the greatest of all time.
NEWSREADER: Jim Clark has died in an accident during a Formula Two race in West Germany.
JACKIE STEWART: It was a terrible shock to everybody.
It really knocked us all back.
If there was anybody who was not gonna have a fatal accident it was Jim Clark.
Because he drove in such a way that he just didn't do the mistakes that other drivers did.
In California, a radio station broadcaster announcing the news of Clark's death asked his listeners to turn on their headlights as a mark of respect and the freeways lit up.
Such a huge global fuss would not have sat easily with Clark, because this shy, modest man, the son of a Scottish sheep farmer, was never one to trumpet his own skills.
JIM CLARK: I started as an amateur with no idea or no intention of becoming World Champion, But, er it was, I was curious to find out, um what it was like to drive a car fast, to drive on a certain circuit, to drive a certain type of car.
Having cut his teeth in sports car racing in the late '50s, Clark's speed and talent was spotted by Lotus boss Colin Chapman, who signed him for his Formula One team in 1960.
Clark soon set the motorsport world alight.
Especially in this car The Lotus 25.
In which, in 1963 he won his first F1 World Championship.
Oh, my God! I am sitting where Jim Clark sat.
(LAUGHS) This is electrifying! These were not powerful cars.
They only made 210 brake horsepower from one and a half litres, but they were still good for 180 miles an hour.
Oh, ho! Thanks to its revolutionary monocoque chassis, the 25 was stiffer and lighter than any other F1 car.
Which meant it wasn't just fast on the straights, but quicker through the corners too.
And in the 1963 season, Clark used it to win a record seven out of the ten Grands Prix.
COMMENTATOR: Winner is Jim Clark.
Nobody could possibly catch him now.
But 1963 was just a warm-up for what was to come.
To get a true picture of Clark's genius, we must look at another year.
When he hit heights no driver had reached before, or has done since.
A modern Formula One driver does 21 races a year and often complains that's too many.
In 1965, Jim Clark raced in 63 races.
Some of these cars look similar, but they are all completely different.
In a car like this, he'd do Formula One Championship.
He raced in the British Formula Two Championship, and the French Formula Two Championship in this car.
He raced in the Tasman Series, a sort of Australian Grand Prix for Down Under, in this car.
And then there's this Lotus Cortina, in which he decided to race in touring cars.
And then if all that wasn't enough, he decided to go for the Indy 500.
First up was the Tasman Series in Australasia.
Out of the 15 races, Clark won 11 and took the crown.
Then it was back to Europe for the British and French Formula Two Championships, both of which he won.
REPORTER: Jim Clark led from the start.
Winner is Jim Clark.
RICHARD: And in between the F2 races, he was jumping into his Lotus Cortina and racking up touring car victories.
And, on top of all that, there was America.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) REPORTER: The Indianapolis 500 has been called the greatest spectacle in racing.
(TYRES SCREECH) RICHARD: America's most prestigious race would be a tough challenge.
Oval racing at higher average speeds than he was used to against seasoned Indy veterans.
For the Indy 500, Clark raced a specially developed Lotus producing just shy of 500 horsepower.
However, although he already had a Formula One world title to his name, the Scotsman's CV cut no ice with the sniffy Indy officials who made the upstart from across the pond take a rookie driving test before he could compete.
(ROAR OF ENGINES) Come Indy weekend, the upstart from across the pond qualified on the front row.
And then in the race itself Clark, up against America's finest oval racers, won by just over two minutes.
(CHEERING) REPORTER: Jim Clark, first European to win at Indianapolis since 1916, set a new record of 150.
686 miles per hour.
RICHARD: So, what was it that made Clark so good? What was it that made him capable of winning in any type of car? Jimmy was an absolute natural driver, and he did it without thinking.
He didn't know why he was driving in this style the way he did.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) In the period that we're talking about, we had one and a half-litre cars, 200 horsepower.
If you drove the car too hard you would scrub the speed off and if you lose a bit of speed, it's very difficult to actually make it up again.
And that's what Jimmy had, the knack of keeping the momentum of the car going.
I don't think that any of the modern drivers could have driven the car anywhere near as quickly as Jimmy did, because he was just so precise.
RICHARD: Besides a supernatural ability to coax speed out of the car, Clark also possessed another vital skill.
A lot of very good racing drivers died in Lotuses, because the Lotus was a very fragile car.
But Jim Clark was so smooth that he never put too much stress on the areas of a car that would give up.
In Barcelona, in practice he came in after ten laps.
We'd done ten.
He said, "There's something on the left rear.
" Something, something.
"I can feel something on the left rear.
It's it's not right.
" We looked over, we checked everything.
Everything felt good.
He said, "No, there's something wrong.
" So, that night I took the left rear suspension to pieces, and lo and behold one of the wheel bearings has just started to wear.
I don't know how anybody could ever feel that.
But he did.
BILLY COWE: After the race, when you stripped his car down, and you stripped his co-driver's car down, you could always tell which parts came off Jimmy's car and which parts came off the other driver's car.
Because the parts off Jimmy's car were more or less pristine.
RICHARD: But don't think for a minute that Clark was one of those drivers that could only win in a perfect car.
One year at Spa, for example, he was leading the race when his gearbox started to let go.
Did he give up? Nope.
Instead, he drove the rest of the race, and we're talking 160 miles an hour in the wet with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding the gear lever in place.
And he still won.
By nearly five minutes.
As the 1965 season rolled on, Clark, having won both Formula Two championships, the Tasman Series, and the Indy 500, now faced one remaining challenge.
The biggest challenge, the Formula One world title.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) For the F1 races, Clark would be driving a modified version of the Lotus 25 - the car that had taken him to the World Championship two years earlier.
But as amazing as the 25 was, there was no getting round the fact that by 1965 it was a three-year-old design, and the updated version only had minor changes.
So how would Jim cope? At the season's opening race in South Africa, up against such legends as Jack Brabham, Graham Hill, and reigning World Champion John Surtees Clark won by half a minute, and did so while suffering from a slipped disc.
Next up was Spa, and then the French Grand Prix: both of which he also won.
REPORTER: His Lotus may be a car with an old engine, but as far as the opposition are concerned, it is just out-distancing all.
RICHARD: Behind the wheel, Clark was becoming untouchable.
Jimmy would go out beginning of the practice session and do a very, very quick lap.
And come back, sit on the wall.
You know, there's no point in wearing the car out.
And then wait and see what everybody else has done, and go out and blitz it.
If he wasn't on pole position, there was a problem with the car.
RICHARD: Next up was Silverstone.
And here, it looked like business as usual with Clark leading the pack.
However, in the closing stages, his engine was starting to lose oil pressure and was in danger of detonating under cornering G-forces.
COMMENTATOR: While Clark is driving with no oil pressure on his gauge, Hill, storming up behind, breaks the lap record in his efforts to pass.
So instead of driving the car through the corner he just switched it off, coasted through the corner.
When he was through the corner, switched it back on again, did the rest of the lap - and he won the race.
RICHARD: Eventually, the F1 circus arrived at the Nurburgring, a circuit where Clark had never won.
REPORTER: For the Flying Scot, tense moments before the start.
Victory in the German Grand Prix and he'd be World Champion.
(ENGINES REV AND ROAR) RICHARD: Leading from pole, Clark finally broke his Nurburgring jinx, winning the race, and with it the Formula One world title.
(APPLAUSE) So, let's just sum up Clark's season of 1965.
Of the 63 races he contested, he won a staggering 31 of them, and was on the podium a further eight times.
He was now seen as the greatest racing driver of all time, in demand the world over.
Yet this shy Scotsman chose to mark the year's achievements with a modest celebration at his hometown back in Scotland.
(SOUNDTRACK OVER SPEECH) The next two years by contrast were a disaster, with multiple mechanical failures denying him another championship.
However, in 1968, driving the Lotus 49, another game-changer from Colin Chapman, Clark took the first win of the year in South Africa and looked set for another dominant season.
Congratulations, Jim, this was an absolutely splendid effort.
OK, thank you very much.
And then, on the weekend of April the 7th, Clark had a choice of two races he could compete in, one at Brands Hatch, the other a Formula Two race at Hockenheim.
Fatefully, he entered the German race.
April the 7th is a is a bad day for me.
He wasn't happy.
It was freezing cold and damp misty.
We could not get any heat into the tyres.
Couldn't get any temperature in them no matter what we did.
Jimmy said to me before the race: "Do not expect anything from me today.
Just keep me informed with the pit board where I am, how many laps to go.
" That's the last thing he said.
(ENGINES REVVING) RICHARD: On lap five, Clark's car suddenly speared off the track at 170 miles an hour.
I got to the scene, and they took me through the undergrowth to this There's no Armco.
There's Tarmac, trees.
Literally.
And the sheer path.
And I just saw what was left of a car Oh.
There was nothing to see.
I said, "Where's the engine gearbox? What's going on?" What's happened?" They said, "That's" It was about 35 yards away through the saplings.
It just cut the saplings down.
And I said, "Where's, where's the driver? Where's Jimmy?" They said, "No.
" When you've just lost the best driver in the world, what the hell do you do? Jim Clark, he's a god.
And the first time I saw him, my God, it's I can't believe it.
And you're actually talking to him.
It was awe-inspiring.
Life is worth living.
It's for me, it's tearful.
I'm sorry.
RICHARD: According to the medical report, Clark died instantly of a broken neck and the crash was later put down to a deflating tyre.
When he died, he was just 32.
But in his short career he had racked up some truly incredible achievements.
In Formula One, he won 25 of his 73 races, which in percentage terms puts him way ahead of Hamilton, Vettel, and even Schumacher.
In pole positions, he had 33.
Which again, in percentage terms, makes him second best of all time, just behind Fangio.
Then there are the Grand Slams: that's where a driver gets pole position, fastest lap, the win and leads every lap of the race.
Schumacher has five Grand Slams to his name.
Senna, four.
Jim Clark, eight.
That's more than any other driver in history.
You might imagine that a man with such skills would be rated highly by other drivers.
And you'd be right.
I was invited to a cocktail party for Fangio, and he said to me, "In my opinion, Jimmy Clark was the greatest racing driver ever.
" And coming from Fangio, there's no better compliment than that.
And the five-time World Champion was not the only South American who idolised the Scotsman.
At Clark's old school in Edinburgh, there's a plaque commemorating his achievements.
And in 1991, the reigning World Champion made a special pilgrimage to the school to pay his respects.
Of Clark, Senna said simply, "He was my boyhood hero.
He was the best of the best.
" And like Senna, Clark died when he was driving at his absolute peak.
Like Senna, who knows how many more races and championships he could have racked up? He was the benchmark.
That was it.
Most of what I was able to do in motor racing was done by the manner in which Jim Clark drove, and I just followed him.
BILLY COWE: He was a gentleman.
He was a gentleman, and a gentle man.
It's a pity he's not around now, because it'd be nice to have him.
RICHARD: He was an amazing man.
- Just incredible.
- All of that's amazing.
Yeah.
What I find truly amazing is how many championships he took part in.
I mean, can you imagine Lewis Hamilton getting out of his Formula One car and saying, "I haven't got time for any interviews, cos I've got to go and do a touring car race.
" - Just wouldn't.
- And he did.
The other thing worth remembering is back in the early '60s, if you went to Australia, if you flew to Australia that meant eight stops.
And there were no flat beds.
There weren't even any movies.
And let's not forget he'd get off that aeroplane, do a race, win it - obviously, then get on another aeroplane straight away to France - to win a race there.
- No, it is astonishing.
I mean, everybody has a favourite racing driver.
I'm sure everybody here does as well.
It's, you know, it's the Senna, Schumacher, Villeneuve, Romain Grosjean - (LAUGHTER) - Fangio.
But if you use maths to measure a driver's greatness, you have to conclude it was Jim Clark.
- Good night.
- (MOUTHS)
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Welcome.
And coming up in this week's show: Abbie is sideways on ice in a 911 Turbo Richard drives Jim Clark's beautiful Lotus 25 and I nearly fall over.
(CHEERING) That - Exciting looking show.
- Right.
That is all to come.
Now Hang on a minute.
Does that mean Howard and Adrian aren't coming on? - No.
Haven't got time.
- (LAUGHTER) We actually begin with the French.
Er now, they don't make a sports car very often, but when they do, literally nobody buys it.
We've had the Venturi Atlantique, and then there was the Matra Murena, and then there was the Simca Sport.
And all of them fell down the back of the sofa of history.
Yeah, yeah, but you're conveniently forgetting to mention the best of the French sports car makers.
That's like saying the best of the airborne plagues.
- No.
- The best of the No, it isn't.
There is one French maker that's been consistently good at making sports cars, and they've made a new one, and I've been testing it.
JAMES: It's called the A110, and it's made by Alpine, a French sports car firm who have a history of hitting the spot.
The original A110, for example, won the World Rally Championship in 1973.
And it's that car that gives the new one not only its name but also its looks.
So, what we have here is a small, pure, no-nonsense sports car aimed squarely at the Porsche Cayman and the Audi TT.
And this, unfortunately, is where the problems begin.
You see, this launch version of the Alpine costs £51,000.
£51,000.
Now, for £1,000 more, you can have the TT RS.
That's the one Clarkson was driving in the last series.
And that's more powerful, and it's faster.
And the Porsche Cayman you buy for £51,000 is also more powerful than this, and it's a Porsche.
Whereas this is an Alpine.
That's something you're going to have to explain when you're down the pub.
Even the engine sounds a bit lame.
I don't mean the noise it makes, I mean when somebody asks you, "What's that got, then, mister?" Because the answer is, "A four-cylinder 1.
8-litre turbo, sonny!" For over £50,000.
I mean, is that it? Also, I'm not sure about the looks.
The original 1960s version was a masterpiece.
But for me, this modern reboot doesn't quite work.
The problem, I think, is that on modern cars there are rules about things like how high the headlights are above the ground, how forgiving the bonnet is if you run into a pedestrian.
And once you stretch modern legislation over 1960s design language, you end up with a sort of slightly lame tribute act.
So, is there anything good to report? Well, thankfully, yes.
For starters, although Alpine is owned by Renault, this car is not just a hot Mégane dressed up in some fancy suit.
The A110 is in fact a mid-engined, rear-drive sports car designed from scratch, on a clean sheet of paper.
The body and the chassis are made entirely of aluminium.
And the reason for that is simple - its lightness.
And from that starting point, the Alpine engineers nerded their way through the rest of the car and shaved off every spare gram they could find.
The seats, for example, are half the weight of the ones you'll find in any hot Renault.
The handbrake is built into the main callipers, rather than being separate, saving another 2.
5 kilos.
Even the stereo is a bespoke, lightweight design.
And then there's this boot at the front, which is just deep enough for a small suitcase like this one.
But now I think about it, putting the suitcase in there would just add weight.
So what I would do is just pack my overnight stuff straight in there.
The only downside is that in the morning, I have to go outside if I want a fresh pair of pants.
So, thanks to Alpine's fanatical diet regime, this car is 300 kilos lighter than a Cayman or an Audi TT.
And that has a profound effect.
Suddenly, it doesn't really matter that you've only got 1.
8 litres and 248 horsepower.
This thing absolutely zips along.
Nought to 60, four and a half seconds.
Top speed limited to 155 miles an hour.
And then, when you get to a corner (TYRES SCREECH) you find out just how agile this thing is.
(LAUGHS) It's like driving a feather.
(TYRES SCREECH) (CHUCKLES) It is like a cartoon car.
It should come with those little bubbles saying But even though the A110 is built to minimalist principles, you never feel like you're in some miserable, Spartan track-day car.
It has air-con, sat-nav, phone connectivity - all the modern things you want.
This whole lightness and smallness thing cascades down in a sort of waterfall of pure joy.
Lower weight means you don't need such big tyres, you don't need so much grip.
That gives the car more feel.
Low weight means you use less fuel, you make lower emissions.
It's just win-win-win-win all the way.
This is actually the most intelligent car I've driven for years.
And I love it for that.
I love it.
(CHEERING) Thank you.
Erm So So despite the ordinary engine, the looks that you're not sure about, and the high price, you liked it? I did.
I loved it, yeah.
- Yes, but would you buy one? - I have.
(LAUGHTER) - You've bought one of those? - I have.
And actually, so has Gordon Murray.
I've brought a picture of him along.
Him.
He designed the McLaren F1, so he knows.
Yeah, so it's the sports car of choice for old men with terrible shirts.
- So that's good to know.
- JEREMY: Evidently.
But, now let's see how fast it goes round the Eboladrome, shall we? And she's off.
Brisk start, and a parp from the exhaust on the up-change.
Immediately onto the Isn't Straight.
And actually, that's not hanging around.
Perhaps James was right about the benefits of whatever it was he was saying.
Howling round the final bend of the Isn't.
Dropping down now into Your Name Here.
Scrubbing off speed in a hurry.
Torturing those tyres, but that does look pretty nimble.
Now, the canter back down the Isn't, picking up speed.
Dab of brakes at the mid-point.
Now much harder on the brakes, flicking down the seven-speed box for Old Lady's House.
Any understeer? No, not bad for a mid-engined car with no weight over the nose.
I actually rather like the styling of this, and I'm right.
Just Field of Sheep to go now.
Here we are.
And oh, yes, that's an exuberant drift to finish, and across the line! Very good.
Very good.
Good driving, on form.
(RICHARD MUTTERS) Right.
Right, let's see where it goes on our lap board.
Will it go in the top ten? Oh, dear, no, it doesn't.
Sorry, May, that is dismal for a mid-engined car.
It is.
It isn't about things like lap times.
I told you before.
He who is first shall be last, and the last shall be first.
- Yes, but it's 15th.
- It is, yeah.
- It is, it is.
(LAUGHS) - So? It's the Romain Grosjean of cars, that is.
- Romain who? - Grosjean.
- Who's he? - He's a French racing driver.
The 15th best Formula One driver in the world, in fact.
- You'd like him.
- I already do.
Good.
Good, so we've sorted that out.
It's time for us to move on, because right now it is time for us to scrump an apple of chat from the orchard of intercourse, which is on Conversation Street.
(JAZZ PLAYING) - I like that one.
- I thought you would.
- I like that one a lot.
- That's so up your street.
Um right now, lots of people these days are buying old cars, and we think we can see why.
Yeah, because an old Jaguar E-Type, or Alfa Spider, is far more interesting to look at than any modern car, and it won't depreciate.
In fact, it'll make you money.
Yeah, the trouble is, though, you get into your old car, and it's crap.
He's absolutely right, we forget how terrible old cars were, really.
I mean, if you go more than 40 miles an hour, the windscreen wipers part company with the windscreen.
- Yes.
- And the headlamps are like candles in jam jars.
- And the demister doesn't.
- No, it doesn't.
- And the heater doesn't.
- No.
And everything else rattles, and the brakes don't work.
- Exactly.
- That's old cars, they were I speak from experience.
I've got a 40-year-old Ferrari, a 308.
Apart from all those things, it's catastrophically slow.
You wouldn't believe it.
I pull away from lights, and people behind honk because they think, - "That's a Ferrari, that'll Oh.
" - Yeah.
They honk? Doesn't that happen in any car you drive? - No, no, no - "Oh, get out of the way!" Pretty much.
But it is unbelievable just how poor it is.
RICHARD: Very slow.
But that's the exact point we're trying to make here.
There are now loads of companies who will take an old car and then gently modernise it.
Got some examples here of what we're on about.
There's this, which is the Singer Porsche, I'm obviously not very interested in that.
These two are, but I couldn't care less.
Then you've got the Eagle, er E-Type Speedster, one of the best-looking cars I've ever seen.
That's an actual E-Type, and one of the most beautiful to drive.
Absolute honey.
Yeah, there's a company in Germany now, and they are modernising lightly.
Remember those old Mercedes Pagoda SLs? - Oh, yeah.
- They're putting AMG engines in.
What, mo That's got a modern AMG engine in it? RICHARD: Do you want to have a look at the engine? Another shot.
- Hang on.
- JEREMY: There it is, look at that! - RICHARD: That is a car.
- JEREMY: I see you like that.
- Very, very much.
- I've got something you'll like more.
- Have you? - Mm-hm.
RICHARD: Oh, my God! JEREMY: That is an old '68 Dodge Charger.
- You used to have one.
- I did.
But someone has put in that a 1,000-horsepower modern-day Hellcat engine.
Aw! - I mean - I I need some time alone - with that picture.
- It's just JEREMY: That is such a good idea, this, I think.
It is actually, and it's a very good point.
We all think we would like a Jensen Interceptor, don't we? But the fact is it won't go, it won't stop if it ever does go, the brakes won't work, all the rest of it - terrible thing.
But here is a Jensen Interceptor, but that has modern brakes, has a modern cooling system, and it has the engine from a Corvette.
No, it does.
I've actually driven that very car, and it's epic.
Well, that one isn't anymore, because somebody wrapped it round a fence in Goodwood.
- Spoiled it.
- But it was epic before that.
- It's a fantastic car, it really, really is.
- (SQUEAKING) I'd like to explain, by the way, that squeaking noise is not James thinking, it's (JEREMY LAUGHS) it's the wind.
- It's quite a breezy day.
- It's a breezy day.
And we decided to base ourselves in a tent because we're mad.
- And on a hill.
- And on a hill.
But I think the problem with all of these reimagined cars is that they're expensive, they're too expensive.
That Mercedes Pagoda SL, that's £300,000, those Singer Porsches, £400,000, that E-Type Speedster, 650 grand - it's just crazy.
The problem is that the companies who are doing this kind of work, they know they can charge that kind of money, cos the customers that come to their workshops invariably arrive in a helicopter with a Ukrainian girlfriend and Lewis Hamilton's watch.
And the fact is, if you're gonna dress up like that and act like that, if you're gonna show off, you'll get ripped off, that's the way it is.
- They charge accordingly, don't they? - That's asking for it.
What you should do is ring them up and say, "Could you collect me from the station?" That'd be better.
No, the bus stop.
"Pick me up from the bus stop", I've come to look at these cars you're making.
" I've just had a thought.
Right, picture this.
An original Opel Manta A.
Remember the one? - The round taillights? - Yeah yeah, black bonnet.
But with the engine from a modern Vauxhall VXR in it.
So I just find some blokes that'll do that for me, I do that on the phone, and then I go and visit them on the bus in a tracksuit.
And you'll get charged 50 quid.
Well, probably 40, cos I need a tenner to get home on the bus.
(LAUGHTER) Ooh, now.
(CLEARS THROAT) There's a new electric car from, you're not going to believe this - Kalashnikov.
- Really? Yeah, the people who make AK-47s are going to start making electric cars.
I like the sound of that.
Do you want to see a picture of it? Here it is.
- RICHARD: Ah.
- JAMES: Oh.
No, don't laugh, because from the back it's actually worse.
- There you go.
- RICHARD: You're right, it is.
Now, I assumed that it would have eight moving parts, that you could bury it in a bog for three months and that it would only jam if Richard Hammond used it.
Yes, all right.
But they say it has revolutionary technology.
Does it? Does it have central locking, and loading? More importantly, can you fire it in the air at weddings? You probably would.
"Exam results, children," they go out and do that.
No, but I think the idea of driving a car called a Kalashnikov - It sounds brilliant.
- Oh, yeah, pretty good.
Yeah.
"What are you driving these days, Rich?" - "Well, it's a Kalashnikov.
" - There you go.
- There you go.
- The problem is, I reckon they're gonna sell a lot of T-shirts and mugs and hats with the name on, but not many actual cars.
- Like Ferrari? - Basically Ferrari, yeah.
JEREMY: Oh, er, here's one.
There's a story I got from the Dorset Echo, which is a local newspaper in Dorset.
And, um I think it wins the award for unnecessary reporting, because it's about a crash that happened between a motorcyclist and a tank.
Happened Yeah, happened near that army base down there.
OK, and it says, "The motorcyclist sustained a suspected fracture to his arm and leg.
" And here's the line they probably didn't need: "The driver of the tank was uninjured.
" - Oh, was he? - No? Well, he was lucky to get away with that, wasn't he? - (LAUGHTER) - Was he really? I suspect he got back to base and went, "I hit a what?" "Did I?" Good conversation here, I think.
Very good conversation.
Because they've announced a new type of motor racing championship for women.
It's called the W Series, OK? And the idea is is that potentially quite good, you know, women racing drivers can take part in this series.
Cars are all exactly the same, you're invited to take part, and the prize money is £1.
1 million.
So, it's, you know, fairly incentivised.
There's actually been a lot of discussion about it, or actually debate, I should say.
Cos some people are saying it's sexist to have a women-only championship.
But if you think about it, you've got women-only football, and rugby and hockey - all Olympic sports, pretty much, are segregated between men and women, so I can't see why motor racing should be different.
Not all sports, though.
Men and women compete directly against each other in dressage.
Yeah, but that's not a sport.
It isn't.
That's just sitting on a horse while it tries to look camp.
(LAUGHTER) All right, then, they can JAMES: He's right.
- (LAUGHS) - It is, though.
You're right, actually.
There's no segregation, then, between men and women in sailing, they compete against each other.
That's not a sport either, is it? Sailing is a job.
You have to pull pieces of rope - All right, then! - It's manual labour.
It's manual labour.
It's not a sport.
There's a world of difference between any of that and single-seater car racing.
Why, though? Why is it? Is it, "Oh, well, you need manly strength to do it?" Cos you don't, anyway, cos even an F1 car has power steering these days.
But I was driving a single-seater race car the other day, I can't remember what or where but it had slick tyres.
After three laps, my neck muscles had I was like this.
I hadn't got the strength to lift my head up, I had to wait for the next corner to roll over the other way.
Now, I know, you know, Navratilova and the Williams girl, you wouldn't want to arm-wrestle either of them, so women can build up their muscles to compensate for that.
So, wait, are you saying that there should be segregation with women and men in motor sport? Well, it doesn't really matter what I think.
The fact is, it's 43 years since there was a a girl in a Formula One motor race.
43 years.
Something's going wrong, they're not making it.
I think it's grass roots.
It happens early on.
I think too many mothers put their little daughters on ponies and not into go-karts.
No, not entirely.
Some girls do go karting, cos Abbie, our driver, she was karting since she was a little nipper.
Well I think what this series is all about, it's not about segregation, it's about encouraging women to go car racing, which I think is a good idea.
Yeah, I think it is, but I think it has to start early on.
So, little girls, it's time to get off your ponies, and get into a go-kart.
And I can tell you actually, from some experience of horses, the good thing is, when you walk out in the morning, you'll find that your go-kart hasn't crapped itself and died in the night.
So it's better than your horse.
You'll also find out that go-karts are more fun than going on "an horse", they just are.
Yes, yes.
And you'll find also that a go-kart won't pop its long, stupid head up over the stable door and look at you, and you know it's thinking, it's trying to say to you, "Yeah, your wife, she's back here with me, in here.
" Er she's given me breakfast in bed, "crapped myself last night, but she's clearing that up with a garden fork.
" And then it says, "And my penis is a bit dirty.
She'll be sorting that out for me later on.
" Then your wife's head will pop up over the stable door and she'll say, "Don't look at him like that, he'll think you don't like him," and you'll say, "I know!" (LAUGHTER) If I could speak horse, I would tell him, "I hate you.
" I hate the way you steal my wife and my money "and my status around here.
" And then one day, you'll have a conversation with your wife, and she'll say, "Darling, I need a trailer to move my special horse around to wonderful places" because these fields are too small for him "to exercise his magnificent, muscled legs.
" And you'll say, "OK, I'll get you a trailer.
" Then she'll say, "I need a special car to tow the special trailer to carry the special horse.
" So you'll get one.
And then one day, she'll say, "I need a lorry, a great big lorry," to carry my great, big magnificent horse around the country, and the lorry must have a kitchen and a bed in it so I can sleep close to my horse, "closer to my horse than I am to you.
" And at that moment, your head will bow and your heart will break, because you know you have lost, and the horse has won.
- (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) JAMES: That's very good.
That is, um - Slightly off.
- We trod on the H-bomb.
Every time you mention the horse word to him, he's off.
Oh, did it again! I think we probably end Well, it's not Conversation Street, that was Rant Street from Hammond.
- Sorry about that.
- Let's move it on, shall we? There's a new off-road four-wheel drive Lamborghini.
It's called the Urus, and to find out if it's any good, I took The Grand Tour to Sweden, armed with some questions.
Here's my first big question: If you build a car to tackle terrain like this, can it still be a proper Lambo? Well, the Urus certainly looks like a jacked-up supercar.
With its swivel-eyed styling, it appears to be every inch a Lamborghini.
But is it? To make this car, Lambo's engineers had a good rummage around in Volkswagen's parts bin.
So the engine, a four-litre V8, is from a Porsche Panamera.
The rear axle and air suspension is from a Bentley Bentayga.
The platform on which it sits, and a lot of the dashboard, is from an Audi SQ7.
So, does that mean this isn't really a Lamborghini at all? (ELECTRONIC BLEEP) (ENGINE REVVING) Well, it does 0-60 in 3.
6 seconds.
And it has a top speed of 189.
So, it has the performance you'd expect.
But there's other stuff you wouldn't expect.
This is the first Lamborghini to use turbocharging, and the first to have an automatic gearbox.
What that combination means is there's a very slight and rather un-Lamborghini-ish gap between putting your foot down and it getting going.
And when it does get going, there are no screaming histrionics.
Sure, there's a bit of popping and banging from the back.
But you can't hear that inside, where everything is muted and refined.
Perhaps that's why all the writing down here is in Latin.
This is a Lamborghini for emeritus professors.
(ENGINE ROARS) I can see the Pope in one of these.
So, it's quiet and a bit hesitant.
And it has snazzy diffs and a clever traction-control system.
And the biggest carbon brakes ever fitted to a road car.
So it's safe as well.
However, there's no getting around the fact that I'm currently driving on snow and ice in a car that has 641 horsepowers rampaging around underneath its bonnet.
(ENGINE REVVING) Which means that, actually, it's not that safe at all.
Ooh, God above.
Concentrating.
Twitchy and it's scary! It's like I've been put in charge of all of the world's physics, while I'm in a phone box full of wasps.
Ee! Stop, leave me alone! I'm doing tides and gravity Agh, stop! This car, then, it sits right at the moment where excitement stops and terror begins.
That is Lambo land, that is.
(CHUCKLES) Shit! So, the Urus looks and feels like a Lamborghini.
It's also practical.
The boot is massive.
And inside, there's space for five six-footers.
It's a nice place to be as well.
And all that's great.
But does it work off-road? To find out, I'm going to try and drive it to the top of this ski resort.
Now, it's wearing these tyres, which have no studs in them, or spikes.
And I'm wearing these, which are not delicate Italian driving shoes.
Not sure this is gonna go well.
Problems actually get worse when you're in here because there's no manual locking differentials, there's no low-range gearbox.
All you can do is fire it up and then put the drive system into snow mode.
Is Is that snow? Is "Neve" Latin for snow? Think it might be.
So, let's see if that works.
Here we go.
Mustn't hit a skier, mustn't hit a skier.
Oh, it's moving.
(CHUCKLES) The 165,000-pound Lamborghini is driving up a ski slope.
Those turbo chargers may be a little bit annoying on the road, but here they're giving me the low-down torque that I need to get up this hill.
And I've got an inclinometer, like you used to get in an old Mitsubishi Shogun.
(CHUCKLES) This is actually quite impressive, it's just dropped down into first.
(ENGINE REVVING) Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Hello, bewildered-looking skiers.
I cannot believe that this is a 2.
4-ton car on normal road tyres, and it's doing this.
Come on, come on, come on, you can do it.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Oh, hang on a minute.
- (ENGINE REVVING) - Yeah.
Yeah, I now can believe it's a 2.
4-ton car on normal road tyres cos it's stuck.
- (ENGINE REVVING) - No.
- (COMPUTER BEEPS) - Oh.
Right.
So, what we've established so far is that, yes, it is a Lamborghini.
Feels exciting like a Lamborghini should.
And, um I meant this.
And, er it's good off-road as well, but just not quite as good as a Range Rover.
Which leaves us with one more thing to answer: Is it a good laugh? What we've done is use a snow plough to create a racetrack on this frozen lake.
And this is what we have planned.
I'm going to try and overtake this, a four-wheel drive Porsche 911 Turbo, which is being driven by The Grand Tour's racing driver Abbie Eaton.
- Have you seen this crack? - I hadn't noticed that before.
Look at the state of this! ABBIE: You're the heavier car, aren't you? Hm, that's 2.
4 tons, and I weigh half a ton.
Are you not worried about that? I haven't got my seatbelt on, so if it goes under, I can get out straightaway.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
JEREMY: Before the duel began, I had a few practice laps on my own.
Oh, heavens.
Come on, turn! Whoops, I'm going off a bit.
Ooh! Ah, my Urus is a bit twitchy.
Sort of thing you'd say to your doctor.
Right, flick it in there.
Now go the other way, and power.
Oh, yeah.
Mouse in, lion out.
That's what they say in Sweden.
(CHUCKLES) I'm making my own fog now! It may not be able to get as far up a ski slope as a Range Rover, but for doing this, it's better.
(LAUGHS) But, would it be good enough to get past Abbie in that Porsche? There she is.
There she is! (CHUCKLES) The bell has sounded, the race is on.
Now we'd find out what's what on our specially designed track.
Right, round the Bell End.
Now down the Shaft to what we're calling the Parabollocka.
I've raced against a few dicks in my time but never on one.
I should be able to get her, for heaven's sake, come on! She, of course, has four- wheel-steering, same as I do.
Oh, she has got better braking than I have.
Now, give me 641 horsepower! Oh, yeah.
You know I said it was a bit hesitant sometimes? Well, in Corsa mode, it isn't.
It's bob-on, this.
Bob-on! Ooh, she's gone wide, is there a chance here? Come on! Now, now! Bollocks.
Come on now, Jeremy.
Come on! Come on, you can have her! Come on! For lap after lap, the big heavy Urus clawed at the rear end of the 911 Turbo.
Oh, God.
Nearly! Now.
But eventually, I had to admit defeat.
I can't get past that 911, and that's just an end of it, but I can keep up.
And in an off-road car that is fairly astonishing.
It really is.
Certainly, I can believe Lamborghini's claim that this is the fastest off-road car in the world.
(APPLAUSE) - That was quite good fun.
- Looked like fun, yeah.
A nice day out.
- I got paid for that.
- That was your job.
That is work.
Doing that is my work.
Um it probably won't be the fastest off-road car in the world for very long, though, because both Aston Martin and Ferrari have got, er - big SUVs coming out this year.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Thing is, could you really tell people that you have a Urus? Cos it it sounds like a minor alien out of Star Trek.
- Yeah.
- But it does work as a Lamborghini.
Yeah.
But no.
Well, this is excellent consumer advice.
- I'm glad we - Yeah, it's very clear, very clear.
The thing is, after I made that film, which was quite good fun, I came home and I thought, the trouble is it could do with being a bit more Aventador-ish.
It could do with being a bit more mad.
Are you saying you changed your mind? - Yes.
- Oh, great.
So, Prime Minister Clarkson returns from the summit: "I've declared war, but on the plane home" I had another think about it and I'm not so sure now.
- "I've changed my mind.
" - Exactly, that's what I've done.
Good, well, since we're in such a sensible frame of mind, I'd like to move things on now, um, with a brief history lesson.
(ENGINES REVVING) RICHARD: On April the 7th, 1968, a racing driver was killed in a Formula Two race in Hockenheim, Germany.
Sadly, the driver's death was not a surprising occurrence, because such was the danger of the sport back then, he was one of 127 racing drivers who would die at the wheel that year alone.
This time, though, the death sent shockwaves through the motorsport world, because it had just lost the man who was unquestionably the greatest racing driver of his day, and who many argue is still the greatest of all time.
NEWSREADER: Jim Clark has died in an accident during a Formula Two race in West Germany.
JACKIE STEWART: It was a terrible shock to everybody.
It really knocked us all back.
If there was anybody who was not gonna have a fatal accident it was Jim Clark.
Because he drove in such a way that he just didn't do the mistakes that other drivers did.
In California, a radio station broadcaster announcing the news of Clark's death asked his listeners to turn on their headlights as a mark of respect and the freeways lit up.
Such a huge global fuss would not have sat easily with Clark, because this shy, modest man, the son of a Scottish sheep farmer, was never one to trumpet his own skills.
JIM CLARK: I started as an amateur with no idea or no intention of becoming World Champion, But, er it was, I was curious to find out, um what it was like to drive a car fast, to drive on a certain circuit, to drive a certain type of car.
Having cut his teeth in sports car racing in the late '50s, Clark's speed and talent was spotted by Lotus boss Colin Chapman, who signed him for his Formula One team in 1960.
Clark soon set the motorsport world alight.
Especially in this car The Lotus 25.
In which, in 1963 he won his first F1 World Championship.
Oh, my God! I am sitting where Jim Clark sat.
(LAUGHS) This is electrifying! These were not powerful cars.
They only made 210 brake horsepower from one and a half litres, but they were still good for 180 miles an hour.
Oh, ho! Thanks to its revolutionary monocoque chassis, the 25 was stiffer and lighter than any other F1 car.
Which meant it wasn't just fast on the straights, but quicker through the corners too.
And in the 1963 season, Clark used it to win a record seven out of the ten Grands Prix.
COMMENTATOR: Winner is Jim Clark.
Nobody could possibly catch him now.
But 1963 was just a warm-up for what was to come.
To get a true picture of Clark's genius, we must look at another year.
When he hit heights no driver had reached before, or has done since.
A modern Formula One driver does 21 races a year and often complains that's too many.
In 1965, Jim Clark raced in 63 races.
Some of these cars look similar, but they are all completely different.
In a car like this, he'd do Formula One Championship.
He raced in the British Formula Two Championship, and the French Formula Two Championship in this car.
He raced in the Tasman Series, a sort of Australian Grand Prix for Down Under, in this car.
And then there's this Lotus Cortina, in which he decided to race in touring cars.
And then if all that wasn't enough, he decided to go for the Indy 500.
First up was the Tasman Series in Australasia.
Out of the 15 races, Clark won 11 and took the crown.
Then it was back to Europe for the British and French Formula Two Championships, both of which he won.
REPORTER: Jim Clark led from the start.
Winner is Jim Clark.
RICHARD: And in between the F2 races, he was jumping into his Lotus Cortina and racking up touring car victories.
And, on top of all that, there was America.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) REPORTER: The Indianapolis 500 has been called the greatest spectacle in racing.
(TYRES SCREECH) RICHARD: America's most prestigious race would be a tough challenge.
Oval racing at higher average speeds than he was used to against seasoned Indy veterans.
For the Indy 500, Clark raced a specially developed Lotus producing just shy of 500 horsepower.
However, although he already had a Formula One world title to his name, the Scotsman's CV cut no ice with the sniffy Indy officials who made the upstart from across the pond take a rookie driving test before he could compete.
(ROAR OF ENGINES) Come Indy weekend, the upstart from across the pond qualified on the front row.
And then in the race itself Clark, up against America's finest oval racers, won by just over two minutes.
(CHEERING) REPORTER: Jim Clark, first European to win at Indianapolis since 1916, set a new record of 150.
686 miles per hour.
RICHARD: So, what was it that made Clark so good? What was it that made him capable of winning in any type of car? Jimmy was an absolute natural driver, and he did it without thinking.
He didn't know why he was driving in this style the way he did.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) In the period that we're talking about, we had one and a half-litre cars, 200 horsepower.
If you drove the car too hard you would scrub the speed off and if you lose a bit of speed, it's very difficult to actually make it up again.
And that's what Jimmy had, the knack of keeping the momentum of the car going.
I don't think that any of the modern drivers could have driven the car anywhere near as quickly as Jimmy did, because he was just so precise.
RICHARD: Besides a supernatural ability to coax speed out of the car, Clark also possessed another vital skill.
A lot of very good racing drivers died in Lotuses, because the Lotus was a very fragile car.
But Jim Clark was so smooth that he never put too much stress on the areas of a car that would give up.
In Barcelona, in practice he came in after ten laps.
We'd done ten.
He said, "There's something on the left rear.
" Something, something.
"I can feel something on the left rear.
It's it's not right.
" We looked over, we checked everything.
Everything felt good.
He said, "No, there's something wrong.
" So, that night I took the left rear suspension to pieces, and lo and behold one of the wheel bearings has just started to wear.
I don't know how anybody could ever feel that.
But he did.
BILLY COWE: After the race, when you stripped his car down, and you stripped his co-driver's car down, you could always tell which parts came off Jimmy's car and which parts came off the other driver's car.
Because the parts off Jimmy's car were more or less pristine.
RICHARD: But don't think for a minute that Clark was one of those drivers that could only win in a perfect car.
One year at Spa, for example, he was leading the race when his gearbox started to let go.
Did he give up? Nope.
Instead, he drove the rest of the race, and we're talking 160 miles an hour in the wet with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding the gear lever in place.
And he still won.
By nearly five minutes.
As the 1965 season rolled on, Clark, having won both Formula Two championships, the Tasman Series, and the Indy 500, now faced one remaining challenge.
The biggest challenge, the Formula One world title.
(ROAR OF ENGINE) For the F1 races, Clark would be driving a modified version of the Lotus 25 - the car that had taken him to the World Championship two years earlier.
But as amazing as the 25 was, there was no getting round the fact that by 1965 it was a three-year-old design, and the updated version only had minor changes.
So how would Jim cope? At the season's opening race in South Africa, up against such legends as Jack Brabham, Graham Hill, and reigning World Champion John Surtees Clark won by half a minute, and did so while suffering from a slipped disc.
Next up was Spa, and then the French Grand Prix: both of which he also won.
REPORTER: His Lotus may be a car with an old engine, but as far as the opposition are concerned, it is just out-distancing all.
RICHARD: Behind the wheel, Clark was becoming untouchable.
Jimmy would go out beginning of the practice session and do a very, very quick lap.
And come back, sit on the wall.
You know, there's no point in wearing the car out.
And then wait and see what everybody else has done, and go out and blitz it.
If he wasn't on pole position, there was a problem with the car.
RICHARD: Next up was Silverstone.
And here, it looked like business as usual with Clark leading the pack.
However, in the closing stages, his engine was starting to lose oil pressure and was in danger of detonating under cornering G-forces.
COMMENTATOR: While Clark is driving with no oil pressure on his gauge, Hill, storming up behind, breaks the lap record in his efforts to pass.
So instead of driving the car through the corner he just switched it off, coasted through the corner.
When he was through the corner, switched it back on again, did the rest of the lap - and he won the race.
RICHARD: Eventually, the F1 circus arrived at the Nurburgring, a circuit where Clark had never won.
REPORTER: For the Flying Scot, tense moments before the start.
Victory in the German Grand Prix and he'd be World Champion.
(ENGINES REV AND ROAR) RICHARD: Leading from pole, Clark finally broke his Nurburgring jinx, winning the race, and with it the Formula One world title.
(APPLAUSE) So, let's just sum up Clark's season of 1965.
Of the 63 races he contested, he won a staggering 31 of them, and was on the podium a further eight times.
He was now seen as the greatest racing driver of all time, in demand the world over.
Yet this shy Scotsman chose to mark the year's achievements with a modest celebration at his hometown back in Scotland.
(SOUNDTRACK OVER SPEECH) The next two years by contrast were a disaster, with multiple mechanical failures denying him another championship.
However, in 1968, driving the Lotus 49, another game-changer from Colin Chapman, Clark took the first win of the year in South Africa and looked set for another dominant season.
Congratulations, Jim, this was an absolutely splendid effort.
OK, thank you very much.
And then, on the weekend of April the 7th, Clark had a choice of two races he could compete in, one at Brands Hatch, the other a Formula Two race at Hockenheim.
Fatefully, he entered the German race.
April the 7th is a is a bad day for me.
He wasn't happy.
It was freezing cold and damp misty.
We could not get any heat into the tyres.
Couldn't get any temperature in them no matter what we did.
Jimmy said to me before the race: "Do not expect anything from me today.
Just keep me informed with the pit board where I am, how many laps to go.
" That's the last thing he said.
(ENGINES REVVING) RICHARD: On lap five, Clark's car suddenly speared off the track at 170 miles an hour.
I got to the scene, and they took me through the undergrowth to this There's no Armco.
There's Tarmac, trees.
Literally.
And the sheer path.
And I just saw what was left of a car Oh.
There was nothing to see.
I said, "Where's the engine gearbox? What's going on?" What's happened?" They said, "That's" It was about 35 yards away through the saplings.
It just cut the saplings down.
And I said, "Where's, where's the driver? Where's Jimmy?" They said, "No.
" When you've just lost the best driver in the world, what the hell do you do? Jim Clark, he's a god.
And the first time I saw him, my God, it's I can't believe it.
And you're actually talking to him.
It was awe-inspiring.
Life is worth living.
It's for me, it's tearful.
I'm sorry.
RICHARD: According to the medical report, Clark died instantly of a broken neck and the crash was later put down to a deflating tyre.
When he died, he was just 32.
But in his short career he had racked up some truly incredible achievements.
In Formula One, he won 25 of his 73 races, which in percentage terms puts him way ahead of Hamilton, Vettel, and even Schumacher.
In pole positions, he had 33.
Which again, in percentage terms, makes him second best of all time, just behind Fangio.
Then there are the Grand Slams: that's where a driver gets pole position, fastest lap, the win and leads every lap of the race.
Schumacher has five Grand Slams to his name.
Senna, four.
Jim Clark, eight.
That's more than any other driver in history.
You might imagine that a man with such skills would be rated highly by other drivers.
And you'd be right.
I was invited to a cocktail party for Fangio, and he said to me, "In my opinion, Jimmy Clark was the greatest racing driver ever.
" And coming from Fangio, there's no better compliment than that.
And the five-time World Champion was not the only South American who idolised the Scotsman.
At Clark's old school in Edinburgh, there's a plaque commemorating his achievements.
And in 1991, the reigning World Champion made a special pilgrimage to the school to pay his respects.
Of Clark, Senna said simply, "He was my boyhood hero.
He was the best of the best.
" And like Senna, Clark died when he was driving at his absolute peak.
Like Senna, who knows how many more races and championships he could have racked up? He was the benchmark.
That was it.
Most of what I was able to do in motor racing was done by the manner in which Jim Clark drove, and I just followed him.
BILLY COWE: He was a gentleman.
He was a gentleman, and a gentle man.
It's a pity he's not around now, because it'd be nice to have him.
RICHARD: He was an amazing man.
- Just incredible.
- All of that's amazing.
Yeah.
What I find truly amazing is how many championships he took part in.
I mean, can you imagine Lewis Hamilton getting out of his Formula One car and saying, "I haven't got time for any interviews, cos I've got to go and do a touring car race.
" - Just wouldn't.
- And he did.
The other thing worth remembering is back in the early '60s, if you went to Australia, if you flew to Australia that meant eight stops.
And there were no flat beds.
There weren't even any movies.
And let's not forget he'd get off that aeroplane, do a race, win it - obviously, then get on another aeroplane straight away to France - to win a race there.
- No, it is astonishing.
I mean, everybody has a favourite racing driver.
I'm sure everybody here does as well.
It's, you know, it's the Senna, Schumacher, Villeneuve, Romain Grosjean - (LAUGHTER) - Fangio.
But if you use maths to measure a driver's greatness, you have to conclude it was Jim Clark.
- Good night.
- (MOUTHS)