The Magicians (2016) s03e05 Episode Script

1 Previously on "The Magicians" I wouldn't.
Playing with time is such difficult magic.
This is Jane Chatwin, all grown up.
We know about the time loops that you keep making.
- As you should by now.
- Prince Ess of Loria.
I like you.
Tick, you're going to go to that fairy repellent hallway and you're gonna grind one of those bricks to dust.
You're gonna put it in the fairy queen's bath.
I'm gonna cut out her heart and eat it.
No, come on, Penny.
Don't don't Come on.
I was astral projecting.
I wasn't in my body when I died.
Thank you.
You're missing the signs, Julia.
Help her, now.
[FAST-PACED ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Jesus.
Kady! We've been we've been calling it the Truth Key, 'cause it well, it reveals truths.
Mm, I can handle a little truth.
Oh, hey, Penny.
Wai Hi.
I was just leaving.
Okay.
Oh, hey, wait.
I, um Um Um, don't talk shit on Penny.
He's he's here.
He's coming with me.
Oh.
Okay.
Um, hi, Penny.
Right, sorry.
Um You heard about Brakebills, right? Well, it turns out, the Physical Cottage has been, like, magically moved so many times that, uh, there's no valid deed on it, so, like, you can't sell something that you don't own, so we can, um Um, I'm sorry.
I'm sor sorry.
I'm not trying to make it weird.
It's just weird now.
It just is.
It's just weird.
Sorry.
So I'm going to take the key so I can see Penny, and I'll bring it back.
Okay.
- You guys have fun.
- Mm-hmm.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Sorry.
I thought you went to rehab.
Uh, this is where they stick you when you don't have insurance.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Oh.
The upside? I'm the least crazy person in here.
What do you want? Hold this.
Why? Oh, my God! No.
No, no, no, wait! You just need to hold this.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Oh, my God.
I'm Just gonna give you two a moment.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
Look, I know it's weird, but at least I'm not stuck in the fucking Underworld for a billion years.
Why are you acting like this is good news? Because I'm not dead.
Yeah, well, I almost was.
[SCOFFS.]
Look look at me.
Look at where I am.
I know.
And I'm sorry.
I tried to save you, and I failed, and it broke me, and now now you're you're You're you're what some kind of ghost? Astral projection.
What's the fucking difference? I-I can't I can't touch you.
I can't even see you without holding a key that makes me physically ill.
I can't I [SIGHS.]
Look, I'm here.
That's all.
God, when does this end? Let me help you.
[LAUGHS.]
How are you gonna help me? Huh? You're the reason I'm in here, Penny.
Don't you fucking get that? No, I have to put myself back together.
- Yeah, but, Kady, I - No.
If you say "I love you," I swear to God, I will find a way to kill you.
At least then, this would be over.
Whatever happens, remind me never to take your advice again.
Let's go.
I'm sorry.
You sent Fen and Fray into the City? They're gonna get eaten alive.
[SIGHS.]
She is a knife maker's daughter.
She can handle herself.
Besides, I sent them with Todd, so it's not like I'm completely irresponsible.
Look, if you really want to talk about this instead of getting over Alice, then we can, but I'm sorry.
Look I know that it's all shitty right now, but At least we're doing whatever we can to fix it.
- Mm.
- Right? And when we do, maybe Alice will act like someone I recognize.
On the plus, you didn't exaggerate.
This book is strangely compelling, yet incomplete.
Yeah, it's a one-step-at-a-time quest.
Um Okay, so the chapter, right? It's about the Daughter's training to become a knight, right? And it is it's sort of fascinating how it plays with the classic trope of the hero's journey.
Right.
Cute.
Where do we get the key? Um Right here.
Mm.
Oh, yeah.
- Familiar? - Mm-hmm.
It's the Mosaic.
What's the Mosaic? The Mosaic.
- The puzzle.
- Nope.
It's You use tiles Are you kidding me? You use the tiles to create a design that reflects the beauty of all life, and when you do, there's a-a mystery prize.
You've really, you've never heard of this? "The beauty of all life"? Sounds appropriately vague and impossible.
What's the prize? A so-called key to greater magic.
[SIGHS.]
Don't you love it when the metaphors turn out to be literal? Let's go.
El, it's in Fillory.
Psst! You look nervous.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why would I be nervous? I only collected a substance I must assume the fairy queen would kill me for having Shh.
Ovary up, Tick.
Let me see the jar.
Having scraped from the very walls she is violently allergic to.
Nicely done.
We need more.
This took me seven hours.
So seven more hours should be easy.
We only get one shot to slip this in her bath.
High Queen Margo.
Join me, won't you? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
All right.
You want to tell me what the fuck is going on here? A leader as brave and cunning as yourself knows that she needs alliances in order to grow her kingdom.
Does she? Consider this a wedding gift.
Well, don't just stand there.
You've got to get ready for your guests.
Oh, fucking balls.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
On Earth, we tend to meet the people we're gonna marry first, or at least know where they come from.
Surely you've heard of the Tribe of The Floating Mountain.
I mean, vaguely.
I was told they're marauding dickholes who steal stuff.
Well, thanks to the loss of magic, their mountain crashed and is now an island off your coast.
Their army, however, numbers 4,000 spears.
Marry into the tribe, it's yours.
[SCOFFS.]
Look, somebody already tried to trick me into the whole "alliance by wedding" thing.
I passed.
You had a choice back then.
Being a queen means sacrificing for your people.
Get used to it.
Do you want to enlighten me as to why you give a queef whether I marry some mountain turd or not? No, I don't.
High Queen Margo.
Jesus.
[SIGHS.]
You scared me.
Were you talking to someone? No, I just didn't expect to see you there.
True.
Haven't seen you since After our own little near-miss, I'm a little surprised to see you running off to the altar so soon.
I hear you there.
I mean, The Floating Mountain? [SCOFFS.]
They don't have much in the way of resources.
They have a real big army.
Well, whatever you plan on doing with all that manpower, I certainly hope it doesn't put us on opposite sides.
High King Eliot and your dad forged an alliance.
Nothing's changed.
[SIGHS.]
Is this about the time that we banged and then I opted out of marrying you? Your insecurity is showing, babe.
That was purely political.
But if we'd had another round, I'm certain my charms would lead you to reconsider my queen.
I look forward to our future talks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Your Queeniness, the groom's wedding party has arrived, and taken it upon themselves to set up camp in your very favorite hallway.
I fear there is no way to complete the task we discussed.
Shit.
We have to figure out another weapon.
In the meantime, I need the fastest bunnies you got.
So we know that this is a portal to Fillory or was.
Um, so I figured, you know, stick the key in - Mm.
- Wind it, and - Logical.
- Right.
Except that there is not a you know, there's no keyhole anywhere.
- It's chain-wound.
- Huh? I took an elective in Horomancy.
At castle.
Getting married.
Well, hello, there, little plot development.
At castle.
Getting married.
Does that sound like Margo to you? Uh Need help now, dickwads.
Definitely Bambi.
Okay, we have to find a way to get there.
Um, uh, do you think that the key can create a portal to Fillory somehow? - Eliot, look.
- Oh.
I guess this is my cue.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[CLOCK TICKING RAPIDLY.]
Okay Okay.
Well, we should wait and gather the troops, right? Go time.
Guess this leg of the quest is you and me.
Okay.
Okay, well, I hope that was the right choice, 'cause the portal just closed.
Do you feel that? Yeah.
Whoa.
Oh, my God.
Magic.
- Magic.
Ha! - Eliot.
- What? - They How is it back? It's not back.
Um, is that They're constructing the north spire.
Which was built in, uh Decades before the Chatwins arrived.
We're in Fillory in the past.
Ah, shit.
So, in the Fillory books, Jane, um, she decides to try the Mosaic, right? Uh, but she's too late.
Someone had already solved it first.
Who? Well, I don't know, but maybe it's us, and that's why we're here now.
I don't know.
Time travel only really makes sense to me when I'm on a good deal of peyote.
Hmm Yoo-hoo.
Hiya.
[GRUNTS.]
It's all yours if you don't mind wasting your gods-damn time.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Oh.
Well auspicious signs abound.
Ay.
All right, so 784 tiles in 15 colors.
Uh, so that's 784 factorial, - uh, divided by - Seriously? You're trying to calculate the beauty of all life? Uh, well, I'm just trying to see what we're in for.
There's a finite set of possible solutions, so Um Okay, yeah, that's a lot of zeroes.
Um, how many zeroes? - Uh, to be exact? - Yeah.
A shitload.
The mother of your soon-to-be prince consort wishes to meet with you.
Yeah, thanks.
Not in the mood.
May I present, from the Tribe of The Floating Mountain.
That Is No Longer Floating, Lady Agate Grey the Stone Queen? Greetings, High Queen Margo.
Um, hey, Stone Queen.
I'm actually glad you're here.
I'd like to discuss postponing the nuptials.
Well, I was led to believe this was a matter of some urgency.
And who led you to believe that? A mutual royal friend.
Very pale.
Look, I'm sure your armies are super great.
It's just My own wedding was so long ago, I forget how nervous a bride can be.
[LAUGHS.]
Perhaps we forego superstition and let you meet my son before the ceremony.
Unless you think that's too forward? Fine.
I'd love to meet the man I'm gonna marry in a couple hours.
Wonderful.
Invite the rest in.
Oh, stand up straight, darling.
May I present Prince Fomar.
Okay, no.
Uh-huh.
Too freaky, even for me.
Oh, no, Your Highness, of course not.
Fomar is far too young.
Mother.
A pebble's time will come, dear.
Fomar will be your brother-in-law.
Ah.
Your betrothed Prince Micah.
Greetings, my queen.
May our great mountain find its way through your fertile valley.
Hello, Prince Micah.
Why don't you two take a moment to get to know each other alone? Let's go.
Come on.
How can I make this right for you, my queen? Are you one of those sick fuck princes who likes to shoot girls with arrows, or am I gonna wake up tomorrow chained to a wall? If you are, I will free you, if you command.
You are a woman.
Okay.
Since you mention women, let's discuss.
Our women are leaders.
They are the cave, full of wisdom.
Men are the boulder, full of strength.
The spear with the boulder [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, okay.
I get the idea.
So, matriarchy, huh? Society where women hold the primary power.
Is that not the way it is everywhere, my queen? [INHALES SHARPLY.]
It is.
I still don't understand why we have to do this in the same room.
It's a Floater custom, ma'am, and it has its advantages.
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
Oh, my queen.
I am unharmed, and you? I'm good.
Um, one sec, okay? Mm-hmm.
Are you seriously accusing me of trying to kill Micah? Why in Loria's name would I do that? I don't know.
Why would you? You know, you didn't seem all that excited about the wedding yourself last time we talked.
Are you suggesting I did it? Is your war council getting afraid of our alliance with the Floaters? You told me we had nothing to fear.
And you told me you'd win me with charm.
If I'd actually tried to kill that walking jawline, he'd be dead.
It's not the first time you've waltzed in and tried to kill someone to get your way.
Spoken like someone who's really starting to miss me.
Honey you ain't even top 50, and you ain't getting another chance to kill my husband.
Guards! Lock him up.
And be a little rough about it.
Yeah, they're still not moving, Q.
Son of a I checked Look, I've checked the Circumstances, and the Slavic is perfect.
It should work.
I don't Unless magic doesn't work on this.
Great.
Brought back to a time when magic exists except on the one thing that we need it to.
Okay, okay, so so what? We do it the old-fashioned way.
We're smart.
We can do hard things.
This is an impossible thing, Eliot.
We have to show the beauty of all life.
- The beauty of all life? - Yeah.
What does that mean, and how are we supposed to show it with tiles? We're not gonna show it with fucking math, Quentin! - This is the stupidest puzzle! - No, no, no.
- I - This is our quest.
We have to do it ourselves.
I'm not saying that it's not going to take a while.
Logic this with me for one second, okay? Hmm? Jane came along too late, right? Someone came to the Mosaic and solved it before she even got here gets here will get here.
You tried to convince me that someone was us.
Hmm? Yeah, but I didn't think that it was gonna take a decade.
Well, in the absence of a better option, let's let's at least try, huh? [GROANS.]
Is Penny with you? He needed some time to himself.
- [SIGHS.]
- What are you doing? Uh, I've just been trying to figure out this thing that Penny told me uh, something that he saw in the astral plane.
These aren't magic.
These are religion.
Yeah.
We're in that territory.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[BOOK THUDS ON FLOOR.]
Alice needs your help.
Who are you? Help her, Julia.
What the fuck? [SIGHS.]
[BOOK THUDS ON TABLE.]
Okay.
Let's go get a drink.
Yeah? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Everyone, gather around.
Greetings, Fillorians, Floaters.
We gather to join two great lands.
High Queen Margo, do you take Micah of the Tribe of The Floating Mountain That Is No Longer Floating to be yours, binding your houses together for eternity? Oh, what the hell? Traditional Earth saying.
Prince Micah, do you take Margo of the Tribe of Hanson to be yours, binding your houses together for eternity? I do.
[BLADE SLICES.]
[GASPS.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
When the rock crumbles in our hand, we must reach for the next.
Pickwick, continue, per custom.
What? Yes, yes, of course, you're right.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
What are you talking about? What custom? Uh, when tragedy befalls a royal wedding, it is the solemn duty of the surviving sibling to carry out - What? - It is my duty and honor to take the place of my late brother.
But he he fucking killed him.
- He murdered his own brother! - That does not affect my duty.
Are you people all crazy? Marry him now.
God damn it! I'm done.
Okay.
Just don't take it apart until I write it down.
Okay.
God damn it.
I'll write it down.
Okay, yeah, so you just fill in - fill that in with red.
- Oh, my God.
You know, you're not going to get very far if you're this frustrated after 14 days.
How are you not? Oh, Q.
You know the answer.
Can you imagine Margo putting up with this tedium? No, not even a little.
She'd have blown it up day two.
What is that, anyway? You know, not everything has to look like something, Eliot.
Ah, it's the eternal argument.
Realism versus abstract expressionism.
Mm, okay.
Green.
Green.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, green one.
There.
No, no, there.
- There? - No.
There.
Just kidding.
You had it right the first time.
You know what? I'll tell you where I'll put this.
Yeah? Come at me, Coldwater.
Peaches? Plums? Arielle.
I'm Eliot.
- This is my friend, Quentin.
- Hi, there.
Hi.
Oh, this is my helper, Lunk.
[SOFT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Happy anniversary, Q.
To our first and last year at this thing.
Mm.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I, um [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Um, so Yeah.
Um let's just save our overthinking for the puzzle, yeah? Yeah.
Being him is who you are Lay her in her lover's arms We could be done tomorrow for all you know.
He will never know We can't just throw away all this time we've invested.
You want to live your life, live it here.
What is that supposed to mean? You know exactly what that means.
And she will never know why Oops.
I don't know.
It's just - Hey.
- Hey.
No Lunk today? Found him holding someone else's peaches.
Sorry, I, um I mean, I always thought you were too good for him anyway.
These young bodies turn Evolve on a word You found in my [BOTH LAUGHING.]
It's all that I find And if you wanna sell your body There's a war to side I don't wanna say what I want first In the middle of your desert Where I only made it worse Would I light them up and know that it's done? There's a bottle full of water I've been turning on its side I don't mind if I don't find Where it's been running all this time I don't mind if I don't see it Come visit soon.
Of course.
I don't mind - If we're not here - I know, Dad.
I don't know what to say I love you, too.
You ever think about them? My grandkids? No, um our friends Uh, from our lives before.
I dream about them sometimes.
Hmm.
Eliot [SHOVEL CLANKS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Did you just solve the Mosaic? With a friend.
We solved it together.
Well, this is dreadful! You see Sorry, I don't mean to be rude.
- My name is - Jane Chatwin.
Do I know you? You do look Ah, just one of those faces.
The dwarves They built me this watch.
It's terribly important.
I need that key to power it.
It sort of took us a while to, um It's just My brother, he's he's become dangerous, and I'm trying to stop him.
The dwarves told me if everything gets too buggered up to fix, I could use this watch.
To create time loops.
You need the key to stop The Beast.
What's The Beast? Unfortunately, you'll find out.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Mm Uh You have to take it.
Here.
[SIGHS WITH RELIEF.]
Thank you.
My queen, time to complete our marriage.
We must become one flesh.
- Right? - I told you it's Earth tradition.
But must you really open every present before we can consummate? Well, if I don't your manhood will rot and drop off like an overripe banana.
Better not to chance it.
Don't wait up.
So I arranged for this to be delivered the day of your wedding, way, way in advance.
Long story.
Anyway, I hope you're okay.
No easy way to say this, so I'll just say it.
Eliot and I are both dead.
Uh, the quest sent us to the past again, super-long story and you should know that we led full, good lives, and we took the quest as far as we could, and now there's something that we need you to do.
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[RAPID TICKING.]
Hello, Margo.
Hi.
Didn't you die? [CHUCKLES.]
On the linear plane, yes.
Not here, in the Clock Barrens.
Right.
So some kind of timey-wimey magic going on here.
Time loops are not my only trick.
Here I managed to create a spot where all moments exist at the same time, overlapping.
So, even if you're dead You're alive here.
And dead, too, I suppose.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is a place outside of time.
Well, I got a note from Quentin.
He told me you could give me a key.
Yes.
The key is here, but I can't give it to you.
It's what keeps the Clock Barrens stable.
That said, I would like to help you, Margo.
I don't need help.
I need the key.
Now, I'm sorry, but I've had a bad couple of days, and my best friends are dead, and, frankly, I wish I had your magic, or any magic, 'cause I'd like to build my own Clock Barrens right about now and just live there for, like, five minutes without anyone trying to usurp or marry or educate or hump me.
It is exhausting.
You're going to be a very, very powerful magician and queen.
Well, it doesn't feel that way.
Eliot and Quentin make all the real moves.
I'm more of a Fillorian middle manager.
[SCOFFS.]
I know how that feels.
Sometimes like you're a supporting player in somebody else's story.
Your tale is your own, Margo.
You may not get the appreciation you deserve, frankly, or the peace, but it is yours, and I can tell you, it won't be boring.
[RAPID TICKING CONTINUES.]
Thank you.
Now, as to how I can help out there in the linear plane, the key rests on my body at Brakebills.
I can send you there, no problem.
You're telling me to dig up your corpse.
How the hell can you be so chipper about it? Eh, hasn't happened yet.
And I'm very English.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's been so good to chat to you, Margo.
Ready to go? Yeah.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I guess this is my cue.
Wait! You bitches looking for these? Fuck.
That entrance line was the only thing keeping me going through six feet of dirt and corpse.
Bambi.
Hey.
And I swore I wouldn't do this.
[SNIFFLES.]
Wow.
I mean, I can't believe we died.
- Sort of weird.
- Sad, right? But we didn't die.
It was an alternate timeline and one that we never have to live now.
Margo, you saved our lives.
In addition to robbing the cradle and a grave.
I'll never get that smell out of my hair.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
I mean, I know who I was.
I was Alice Quinn.
I was the best at something, at magic, but then magic took over, and I lost Alice, and by the time I got her back, I lost magic.
Okay, so how can I help? I could use magic, and you have it.
- Why do you have it? - Mm.
Prevailing theory? Extra sprinkles on the cupcake from when Our Lady Underground restored my Shade, but she didn't exactly leave a note, so So you don't know.
I mean, do I want to know? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
I mean, if you want to understand it, you need to know.
Hey, all magic has a provenance.
Uh, there was this machine that the professors would use.
Yeah, Q showed it to me, but it doesn't work anymore.
Right, of course not.
What about the key? It shows the truth of things, right? Have you tried using that? I've held it.
Maybe a mirror could help you focus it.
Yeah, okay.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
What? [GASPS.]
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Have a seat, Julia.
It's time for us to talk.
What did you do to me? I planted a seed for you to grow.
Without telling me or asking me? I've tried to guide you as gently as I could.
I saw his eyes.
I saw Reynard's eyes.
Because the seed comes from him.
Are you kidding me? I took it from him and gave it to you, and when you showed mercy, you earned this.
You didn't think before shoving some rapist's seed inside me to ask? You gods are real shaky on the concept of consent, you know that? It doesn't matter where it comes from.
It matters what you do with it.
I don't want it.
I don't accept it.
Do you think the chosen want to be chosen? I don't want a molecule of his power.
It's not his anymore.
It's yours.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
This might sound horrible, but he's gone.
Does it matter where it came from? It's magic.
You sound like her.
Yeah, well, maybe she's right.
- You don't understand.
- No, I don't.
I'd do anything to get it back.
If I could give it to you, I would.
[SCOFFS.]
What if you could? Kady, have a seat, please.
Actually, I need to sign out.
Yes, well, let's talk about that.
No offense, but we just did.
So, if there's something for me to sign or Kady, you are a danger to yourself and to others.
You say "I love you," I swear to God, I will find a way to kill you.
At least then, this would be over.
So who do you think you're talking to? Who did you want to kill? This is not something you'll understand.
Kady, we're going to give you a light sedative.
Bob move.
Kady! Code gray.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
No, no, no! No, God damn it! You can't do this! No! - [NEEDLE PIERCES.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Well you guys got to loop out of your shitty past.
- Looks like I'm stuck with mine.
- [SIGHS.]
We are not leaving you alone with this.
There's the old ball and chain now.
I better catch some rest before he wakes up with a boner and some bad, bad ideas.
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]
Being him is who you are Lay her in her lover's arms He will never know why He will never know why And she will never know why - Déjà vu.
- Peaches and - Peaches and plums.
- Peaches and plums.
Peaches and plums.
Peaches and plums.
Being him is who you are I got so old.
Made us in a star You died.
Eating us alive I died.
All these young bodies turn You had a wife.
You found in my mind And we had a family.
How how how do we remember that? [LAUGHS.]
I don't know.