The Upshaws (2021) s03e05 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
We opened our doors last week,
and it has been nonstop patients.
So, in terms of setting up
[sighs] we're a bit behind.
"A bit"?
Sheila said you were a miracle worker.
That's all I needed to hear.
She's one of the smartest women I know.
How many women do you know?
Never mind. [chuckles] Um
Happy to be on board, Dr. Webber.
- Call me Malcolm.
- [chuckles]
And let me know
when you find your desk under all of that.
- All of that?
- [Dr. Webber] Yeah.
[both laugh]
I will start digging.
I'm sure you have to get to your patients.
You know, I would feel better
if you took that lady with
the nasty cough to the back.
Is the black lung still a thing?
Yes, it is, in Appalachia.
[chuckles]
But Ms. Verdugo is recovering
from a strangulated esophagus.
Oh, that sounds awful.
How did that happen?
Someone strangled her.
It's a joke. I'm joking. Please stay.
Food truck guy took 42 stitches.
Felt like I was like sewing a quilt.
Damn, he got stabbed at the food truck?
Uh, no, the cook cut himself.
You need to check your assumptions.
So this is Geneva,
our nurse practitioner,
and this is Regina, who's going
to help us get this place into shape.
Hmm. We need you.
You can start by cleaning
the blood in Room 2.
And when the next patient gets here,
he has a cold, not a crack addiction.
Uh, speaking of checking assumptions,
I work out here,
not back there with the blood.
Oh, great, just what we need.
More people not lightening my load.
Geneva, do you want to open these boxes?
Not with my new gels.
[Geneva giggles]
Okay, so you're a hard no
on cleaning up blood.
Are you a no on all fluids?
Because it gets messy out here.
I don't think I totally understood
what this job entailed.
[Dr. Webber sighs]
[Regina sighs]
I'm not sure this is the right fit for me.
Look, we're in a underserved community.
Nothing fancy. It is what it is.
If you feel
this won't work for you, I get it.
I'm sure you had a million other offers.
True, true. But on the other hand,
I do enjoy a challenge.
Does that mean you're staying?
I'll give it a shot,
but I ain't giving no shots.
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid ♪
[funky instrumental music playing]
So, you're saying
you don't miss Mercy General at all?
[sighs] I'm not saying I didn't like
my nice office and my central air,
but I feel like this clinic
is where I belong.
It's my chance
to get down and dirty with the people.
You better get back up
and get out of there.
Look, that neighborhood is not safe.
UPS only sends two-man trucks down there.
The guy riding shotgun has a shotgun.
They're an underserved community, Bernard.
It is what it is.
Girls, get down here!
You know him, you miss him.
He's back by popular demand.
Man, I done ran out of stuff to say.
Get your ass in here.
You sure it's okay?
You done made me drive
two hours listening to mumble rap.
Get your butt in here.
Where do I put my bags?
Hey, Kelvin. Um, just throw it anywhere.
- Okay if I put it here?
- That would be anywhere.
I don't want to be in the way.
Man, why you acting brand new?
Suburbs made you different.
[Regina laughs]
Good to see you. The drive okay?
Yes, ma'am.
Yo, what's up, bro-bro?
- What's up, bro-bro?
- [both chuckle]
That meme you sent me was funny,
but you was trying to take a shot at me.
You know, I was, I was.
[Bennie chuckles]
Why you ain't send it to me?
I like making fun of Bernard.
My favorite brother!
I'm over here too much.
Y'all take me for granted.
What's up, little Maya?
You know. I'm out here.
[chuckles]
Aaliyah, you running that school yet?
Well, there's been a few bumps
in the road, but I'm working on it.
How long you staying?
Just until my mom and Noah
get back from Vegas.
[sighs] I'm so jealous.
I love me some Vegas. Ooh!
A dollar-ninety-nine for surf and turf?
That ain't nothing but a party.
Maybe while you're here
we can play some Tunk.
Anything you want, Miss Regina.
So, Pops, sleeping on the couch?
Uh, actually, Kelvin,
you're in Maya's room.
Wait. Where am I supposed to sleep?
On Dad's cot in the basement.
No, that's my napping cot.
She's in the room with you.
Why can't she be in my room?
I have stuff in my room.
I like my things.
None of that stuff is coming in my room.
Great. Welcome back, Kelvin.
Yeah, welcome back.
[mouthing]
[clicks tongue] Fickle, ain't they?
I'll go help Maya
get her room together. [sighs]
So, you hungry? You want a sandwich?
No, I'm good.
Uh, may I take my bag upstairs,
Miss Regina?
Yeah, of course. [chuckles]
Make yourself at home.
Okay, am I tripping,
or is Kelvin acting weird?
I think Tasha's beating him.
No, I mean, like, weird towards me.
You know, like, you see him
kiki-ing with all of y'all,
but then he gets all tight-jawed with me.
The boy's got manners now.
That's what them beatings will do.
[funky instrumental music playing]
I hate this.
Aw, I know, but it's only
for a couple of days, okay?
You got this.
Uh, hold up.
We ain't doing three to a room now.
I'm just getting Maya settled.
And I better still have
two sisters in the morning.
What you doing?
Getting into bed.
We ain't married.
You sleeping on the floor.
I'm not sleeping on the floor!
There's nothing
but makeup and Cheetos down there.
Well, fine,
then get your crusty foot off my side.
Ow!
You ain't even gonna say good night?
[funky instrumental music playing]
[in hoarse voice]
Should I get the scissors now?
Maya, you're dreaming.
Wake up and go back to sleep.
You're right,
Aaliyah would look better bald.
What the hell?
[funky instrumental music playing]
Hell no. This is worse than I thought.
Hi.
Aww.
You brought me a vase.
That's all I could save.
I had to speed-limp
through a gauntlet of bums.
Ran out of change,
so I started handing out your daisies.
[chuckles] I love daisies.
Well, we'll get you a whole bunch.
Pack your shit, tell him to cut you
a check for today and let's go.
Lucretia, I don't have time for this.
Unless you are here
for the neck sprain you got
from looking down on this place,
let me get back to what I was doing.
[loud pop]
Y'all about to get real busy.
Relax, it was just a truck backfiring.
Damn, you've only been here a day
and you can tell the difference?
I duck when they duck.
Come back in two weeks.
That rash should be cleared up by then.
Rash?
Dr. Webber, this is my sister, Lucretia.
Oh, nice to meet you.
You too.
Your sister is really doing
a great job down here.
Mm-hmm.
I bet.
Hmm, now I get it.
You trying to get it.
Oh, shut up. He's my boss.
Yeah, he is, with his fine ass.
You know, suddenly
I'm starting to feel a little flush.
Go get me one of them ass-out gowns.
I'mma need a physical
and a big old shot of vitamin D.
- The D stands
- I know.
Get out of here.
Are you sure?
Nighttime's coming.
[sighs] Lucretia, I'll be fine.
Nothing happens here
that doesn't happen anywhere else.
Hey, pretty lady!
I got daisies for a dollar.
You were supposed to be
the best of us, Regina.
[funky instrumental music playing]
[doorbell rings]
Girl, I came as soon as I got your text.
What's up?
Oh. [chuckles]
Hey, Kelvin. I didn't know you were here.
I told you at school.
You did? I guess I must have
been distracted by how good I smell.
So, how's it going at your new school?
Oh, you know, school is school.
Hmm, deep.
I'mma chew on that one.
Y'all kissed once.
Big deal. My sister is possessed.
- Did you bring the nanny cam?
- Got it right here.
The zoom on this is crazy.
I think both of y'all are crazy.
Did you not hear me?
[in gravelly voice]
She was talking like this.
[in normal voice]
And wanted to cut my hair.
Oh, hell no!
You need softness around your face.
Did you change your hair?
I knew you'd notice.
[chuckles] You're still so perceptive.
Y'all getting on my nerves.
- Focus.
- Okay, okay, you right.
Look, once we get her on film,
we can show it to a pastor.
You know, we thought
my Auntie Rita was possessed.
Turns out she was just detoxing.
It's a different kind of demon.
Maya's probably just having a nightmare.
Savannah, want a drink?
I'll take a Diet Coke.
You ain't ask,
but I'll take some holy water!
Oh, don't fill up.
Sorry, I should have asked.
Uh, I was getting Savannah some pop.
Oh, no, that's fine.
I just don't want you to get a snack.
I made dinner.
Oh, I don't like that anymore.
I didn't tell you what I made.
Then maybe I'm not hungry.
[chuckles] Kelvin,
you gotta eat something.
I said, I'm not hungry.
Hold up.
[scoffs]
[chuckles] I don't know
what's going on with you,
but, uh, if you gonna stay up at my house,
you're going to check your attitude.
This is my dad's house too,
and you not my mama.
Oh, hell no.
Did you just say I'm
[grunts]
I been in this kitchen all day
making you some chicken!
Boy, you ain't gonna get Oh, shit.
[sighs]
You ain't getting this chicken now.
I'll tell you that much.
"I'm not your mama."
I'm Oh, shit.
We got to eat too, Regina!
Now he got me serving
Lysol chicken to my babies.
- Hey, baby.
- [sighs]
I can't take your son no more.
Damn, baby. What'd he do?
Hey, is dinner ready?
Bernard, why you
always make your mama sad?
[instrumental music playing]
Yeah, boy,
I'm ready to get my paintball on.
Got me a nap during that safety video.
Why is these coveralls so thick?
For safety.
It was in the video.
Hey, Pops. After this round,
can I go get me
a chili dog from concessions?
[scoffs] You got money.
My money paid
for that chicken you didn't want.
I don't like Regina's chicken.
What?
You used to tear that chicken up
like a hyena eating Sinbad's daddy.
You mean "Simba"?
Oh, yeah. I only watched it once.
[Bennie chuckles]
Shit, man.
So, what's up with you and Regina?
Nothing.
I'm fine. It's cool.
Boy, I'll paint you like a house.
You better get to talking.
Look, it's whatever.
I heard my mom tell Noah that
you could have asked me to live with you.
And I know why you didn't.
Regina didn't want me.
I didn't want you.
What?
Your mom and I said
we would give you a choice.
But when you told me
how excited you were about moving,
I backed off.
I never said that.
Yeah, you did.
You were talking about
soaking in a hot tub and starting varsity.
We had a beer on the porch.
Did that one sip black you out?
I thought you was harder than that.
So, you really didn't want me?
There you go. Feel better?
[whooshing on speakers]
Oh, shit. Here we go, son.
I don't know about these teams,
but I'm about to let
my thing do its thing!
[funky instrumental music playing]
Hey, I'm here. What's the emergency?
Brace yourself.
Maya's possessed.
Aaliyah, I was in the middle of my route.
You can drop off packages anytime.
That is literally the opposite of my job.
Bernard, focus. Maya's bugging.
She ain't lying. Show the tape.
[Bernard sighs]
[Aaliyah] She's sleepwalking.
And her eyes are open.
So, she's just walking.
[Maya speaking Spanish]
Is she speaking Spanish?
Maya doesn't know Spanish.
Whatever possessed her does.
You right. This is freaky.
Welcome to where I've been
for the past two days.
[Maya speaking Spanish]
I only dated two Latino men,
but I heard "devil" and "Aaliyah."
Glad I don't have
to share a room with her.
[in normal voice] Hey guys!
What you doing?
- [all gasp]
- Nope, I got a route.
Just remember, te amo, Maya.
- What does that mean?
- It knows.
I just came down
to invite all of you guys to my tea party.
It's gonna be fun.
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
You can drink Lucifer's tea
if you want to, but I'm out.
- You just gonna leave me with her?
- Uh, we just got cool again.
That's your sister.
I hope to see you tomorrow.
[funky instrumental music playing]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Just want to make sure
you got home in one piece.
Oh, God, Regina,
what happened to your hand?
Please tell me you
finally slapped the shit out of Bennie.
I banged it on a door at work.
Oh, Regina. What really happened?
I told you it was an accident.
It's always an accident.
Next thing you're going to tell me is
it's because the door loved you too much.
Lucretia, I was carrying too many things
headed to the supply closet,
and I banged my hand on the door.
You never banged it
on any doors at Mercy General.
Those doors were nice.
[sighs]
Those doors are closed to me.
I'm working with the doors I got.
I just want better doors for you.
[scoffs]
Cretia, I need you
to stop shitting on my doors.
I don't have any other choice.
The way that I quit
Mercy General was was stupid.
And shortsighted.
And nearly cost me my damn career.
[sighs]
I screwed myself, sis,
so this is all I got.
Fine.
Now I gotta buy you a Kevlar vest.
You are always in my pocket.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Why are you in the dead zone, son?
'Cause I'm dead.
My teammate deserted me.
Point 'em out. I'll light they ass up.
With what? Where's your gun?
I couldn't carry that and two chili dogs.
While you were off eating,
those fifth graders ganged up on me.
You were supposed to cover me.
Well, that's on you.
You put chili dogs in my head.
So, you leaving me out of that too.
[scoffs] Story of my life.
Go get all the chili dogs you want.
You dead.
I don't want no damn chili dog.
Shit, well, they got pretzels too, son.
I can't believe I was blaming Regina.
Of course it was you.
Of course you wouldn't ask me to move in.
Man, I thought
we already talked about this.
You seemed happy.
How happy was I the first 13 years
you never asked me over?
That was different.
There's a lot going on.
I came around.
Yeah, when you felt like it.
Which wasn't even a lot.
You always had a reason.
Hey, I know I wasn't perfect,
but you being a little unfair.
I did a lot to make it right between us.
I thought we were in a good place.
I want to be over more.
But I'm still dealing
with this flood at the shop.
I got a job at Lexus.
See?
Always got a reason.
Oh, damn.
I'm supposed to be at Lexus right now.
[funky instrumental music playing]
What are you doing?
I'm going to sleep on the couch
until Kelvin leaves.
Why?
[in gravelly voice]
You become a demon at night.
[whispering] Yes! Aww, yep.
That's the last time
they kick me out of my room.
[in gravelly voice]
Vaya con Dios, Aaliyah.
[funky instrumental music playing]
So, I apologized to Regina.
You still breathing,
it must have went well.
Yeah, it did.
We cool.
So, what you say before,
you still want to talk about it?
I don't know.
You want to talk about it?
Do you want to talk about it?
That depends.
Do you want to talk about it?
Boy, we could do this all night.
Sure could.
It wasn't always like this.
Remember that time I taught you
how to, ah, shoot them dice?
Yeah, I guess that was fun.
You guess? I ain't never seen
nobody roll three straight sevens.
I took all your cash.
Oh, what about that time
I took Trey's car on a joyride.
Yeah. [chuckles]
And you almost got us killed.
Nothing funny about that.
Yeah, but you stood up for me.
I mean, that dude was scary.
I'mma always be there for you, son.
And you can
move in with us if you want to.
Hey, Pops, look
Just 'cause I was tripping,
don't mean you got to do all that.
I mean, you can have the whole basement.
Ah, down there with all them spiders?
Or you can sleep in Maya's room.
You know, her and Aaliyah,
they getting along now.
She's been filming her away.
I guess they in there doing that TikTok.
Okay. Look.
I do appreciate the offer,
but I do like where I'm at.
So, we cool?
We are.
I love you, son.
I love you too, Pops.
Hey, real talk.
Man, I love Regina's chicken.
[Bennie sighs]
Yeah, that shit do be good.
Think it's only one piece left.
Yeah, I call that!
It's got Lysol all over it.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Excuse me.
Oh, please tell me
there's no body part in there.
I hope not.
My grandma baked a lemon cake.
She asked me to bring it to Dr. Webber.
Oh, how sweet.
I'll make sure that he gets it.
Before this place opened,
my grandma had to take
three buses to see a doctor.
Well, it's a good thing
that we're here for her. [chuckles]
Um, you think Grandma would mind
if I take a little slice?
I wouldn't.
There's no telling what's in this cake.
Grandma's half-blind, we out of sugar
and I can't find Granddad's ashes.
I'll just tell him she said "thanks."
[Regina clicks tongue]
Uh, hey. Uh
Just in case, is there any place special
you'd like me to scatter this cake?
[theme music playing]