Weird Science s03e05 Episode Script
Lucky Suit
You make man? No.
Woman.
FRANKENSTEIN: Woman? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
THEME SONG: Weird science.
Pictures from a magazine, diagrams charts.
Mending broken and making weird science.
Something like a recipe.
Bits and pieces.
Bits and pieces.
My creation.
Is it real? It's my creation.
My creation.
It's my creation.
No heart of gold.
Just flesh and blood.
I do not know.
It's my creation.
My creation.
It's my creation.
From my heart and from my hand.
Why don't people understand? Alive, alive.
Career choices.
High school will one day end and you'll have to face the real world.
What to do with your lives then? I don't know.
I was thinking maybe grab some burgers.
I have some errands to run.
To help you answer this big question, here's your assignment.
For the next week you will work with one of your parents every day after school and write a report on your experience.
[GROANING.]
What is it, Wallace? No biggie, but hypothetically, what if we'd rather lick a hot muffler? Then hypothetically, you'll fail.
Oh.
I'm on board.
Come on.
Get the lead out.
I don't want to spend the whole day here.
HARRY (OVER RADIO): Al.
You there? Go ahead, Harry.
HARRY (OVER RADIO): You got a three banger on the 105 off ramp.
She's all yours, captain.
I'm there.
Hey, hey, you hear that? The big guy upstairs has blessed us with a three car pileup.
Oh.
That's wonderful news.
Look.
It may not sound like much, but it's honest work.
It buys you food, clothing, and that goop you put in your hair.
A three banger.
We're eating steak tonight.
[ENGINE BLOWING.]
No.
Not now of all the freaking days.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
That's should do it, Mr.
Donnelly.
I also installed Wing Commander for you.
Thanks.
If there's nothing else, I'll send the executive chef up to take your lunch orders.
Great.
So, Wyatt, what do you think of the advertising game so far? Oh, a little rough, but I'll get used to it.
Hey.
I'm sorry, sir.
He slipped in while I was on the phone.
That's OK, Cheryl.
Hey, Gar.
How's it going? You want a fizzy water? No thanks.
The guy down at the garage let me drink off the hose.
So how's life in the emergency lane? Oh, pretty much like this.
Except it sucks and I smell like roadkill.
Wayne.
Got a sec? This is my boss, Mr.
Tate.
Barry, have you met my son? Yes, we ran into each other in the executive washroom.
By the way, did you get that jiggle fixed yet? -Excuse me? -The jiggle.
Stall three.
We're not getting a good flush.
You are the toilet repairman, aren't you? Oh, no.
This is my friend Gary Wallace.
Gray, Mr.
Tate.
Axle grease.
Ah.
Wayne, Joanna Moulton's been called out of town unexpectedly, so I want you to take over the Air Wave Sneakers presentation tomorrow morning.
I'd love to.
Thank you, Barry.
I'm not kidding you here.
This could be your chance to step into the creative director shoes.
We're looking for a home run here.
Well, I'm your designated hitter.
Good.
Wyatt, let's have lunch sometime.
Talk advertising.
Sounds good, sir.
Don't forget.
Stall three.
I'll get right on it.
Yes, yes, yes.
The Air Wave sneaker campaign.
My lucky suit scores again.
Lucky suit? Good things happen when I wear this suit.
It never fails.
My first job.
That stock tip back in '85.
Conceiving you.
(TOGETHER) Ew.
Come on, fellas.
Let's celebrate.
Hard day at the office? For some of us.
I had a hard day too, thanks.
Why? You sprain your wrist on the bottled water.
Or did your secretary forget to crumble goat cheese on your salad? It wasn't all of that.
This assignment bites.
Come on, Gary.
You must be learning something from all this.
Oh, sure.
Here's a little factoid.
Did you know that a car battery explodes in a shower of hot acid if you charge it backwards? Your dad's job isn't all bad.
He gets to be outside on the open road, helping people in trouble.
Great.
You wanna swap? Hell no.
See? It's a gyp.
My dad struggles all his life while Wayne Donnelly straps on a lucky suit and rockets right to the top.
You really think the suit is lucky? Why not? I believe in genies.
If my dad had that suit in his closet, he'd have a big house and a puff cake job too.
That's ridiculous.
People make their own luck.
My dad is successful because he's good.
Not because of some lucky tweed.
Fine.
Let my dad borrow the suit.
I'll prove it to you.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Why do I gotta wear this thing? It doesn't even fit.
You're asking for a bank loan to fix the truck.
You can't go in there looking like Mr.
Green Jeans.
Besides, I have you feeling things will really start happening for you in this suit.
Oh, things are happening already.
I get some kind of rash brewing.
Feel like a monkey, for crying out loud.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Boy, you should be wearing safety goggles.
If his buttons go, you could lose an eye.
Look, I need a favor.
Could you zap the suit and make it lucky? You said it already was lucky.
Well, I just want to prove to Wyatt that if my dad had the same breaks, he'd be successful too.
But if I zap the suit, that would be cheating.
I didn't say I wanted to prove anything to myself.
You'd be completely despicable if you weren't so much fun.
[ZAPPING.]
Hey.
What do you know? This thing's got some give after all.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dad, you look great.
Like a real grown up.
You know what I mean.
Like an adult.
I am an adult.
Look, a quarter.
Dibs.
[HONKING.]
Excuse me, sir? Do you want to buy this car for a quarter? Are you kidding me? The judge said I had to sell it and give half the money to my ex.
He didn't say how much I had to sell it for.
What do you say? Sold.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
I guess this is your lucky day.
COP: Stop him.
[THUD.]
You just call the Pomona Prowler.
Dad.
You're a hero.
[APPLAUSE.]
Somebody get this man's name so we can send him his reward.
How about that? A brand new Mercedes, big fat reward.
Nothing could make this day more perfect.
[HONKING.]
Meister Brau.
I stand corrected.
I hate being without my lucky suit.
I just don't understand this.
Why would your mother have taken it to the cleaners? Beats me.
But what are you worried about? Your great at your job.
You don't need some stupid suit to impress people.
You do that naturally.
Thanks, Wyatt.
Maybe I could manage one presentation without it, huh? Give 'em hell, Dad.
Whoops.
[RIPPING.]
Oh, no.
[BUZZER.]
Yes? CHERYL (ON INTERCOM): Mr.
Donnelly, they're waiting for you.
Yes, I'd better get to that presentation.
You know, the one thing-- perfect.
What are you doing? Taking the tie off.
This monkey suit is starting to get old.
No, you can't take it off.
It might jinx you.
Think about it.
You put this suit on, lucky things happen.
It's like a full body rabbit's foot.
I am feeling pretty lucky.
[SCREECHING.]
[THUD.]
MALE SPEAKER: Sorry again about the fender bender, Al.
Coffee? Al Wallace? What the hell are you doing here? Just lucky, I guess.
Mr.
Tate.
I was terribly worried about you.
Sorry, fender bender.
My mind wandered at an intersection.
I plowed into poor Al here.
Mans a prince.
Got me a free toy, gave me a ride to work.
I thought I'd give him the nickel tour.
So what do you guys make here? Um, advertising, Al.
We make advertising.
Oh, heya, Wayne.
Let's hear what you've got.
See if you can make me forget I just totaled my car.
Oh, uh.
Right.
Sure thing, Barry.
Upon analyzing the specs for Air Wave Sneakers-- Slogan.
Get to the slogan.
Of course.
Air Wave Sneakers.
They'll make you run like a Greyhound.
I don't find that funny, Donnelly.
My dog, Rex, passed away this morning.
And he was a Greyhound? No.
He was hit by one.
[LAUGHTER.]
I get it.
Hit by one.
He means the bus.
Al, he's not joking.
Sure I am.
Looks like you and I are the only ones around here with a sense of humor.
[LAUGHTER.]
I gotta tell you guys.
I really love those Air Wave Sneakers.
They make you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet.
Kind of.
It's brilliant.
That's our slogan right there.
What slogan? Air Wave Sneakers.
They make you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet.
Kind of.
[APPLAUSE.]
I'm in complete agreement with you, sir.
That is an excellent slogan.
Bravo.
And might I add, you have a remarkable memory.
Al, how'd you like a job? I already got a job.
Dad.
You gotta take it.
I won't take no for an answer, Mr.
Creative Director.
Actually, that's Mr.
Wallace.
[LAUGHTER.]
Scanning, scanning.
What do we got? Woofer.
Woofer.
Whoa.
Sensors locked on target.
There she is again.
Four days in a row.
No boyfriend in sight.
This is it.
I'm making my move.
Hi.
I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me.
I'm a doctor.
OK.
OK, what? OK.
I'll go out with you.
I'm not a doctor.
It doesn't matter.
But I just lied to you.
It doesn't matter.
Listen, I live with my parents.
I have no job.
No prospects for a job.
No interest in finding a job.
And I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a Tic Tac.
I'll still go out with you.
What's wrong with you? My boyfriend just dumped me.
My self-esteem is in the toilet and I have lost my will to live.
At this point, I'd date an area rug.
I got you covered.
Woohoo.
I always wanted a chair that would do this.
Dad.
You're an executive now.
Nonsense.
Whatever makes Al happy makes Mr.
Tate happy.
That's what flies around here.
Excellent work with that slogan.
You're going places, Al.
I'd just like to be your copilot on your rocket to the top, if you'll have me.
Sure, whatever.
Fine.
I'll just leave you to settle in, captain.
[LAUGHTER.]
Boy, is that guy a phony butt smoocher or what? [PHONE RINGING.]
Yello? MAN (ON PHONE): This is KOPC.
If you can name the phrase that pays, you'll win a free trip to Cancun.
Kiss my rusty butt.
MAN (ON PHONE): That's it.
You won.
Ugh.
Boy, I've been getting these crank calls all morning.
You've won this, you've won that.
What? Do they think I'm a moron? No dad.
Why would they think you're a moron? The good news is you're finally getting the breaks you deserve.
Breaks schmeaks.
I'm no creative director.
I should get back to the truck.
You've got to give this a chance.
Don't you want to set a good example? Well, I thought I already did.
I own my own business.
But this is a good example with perks.
Major perks.
Well, if it's that important to you.
What are you doing? Airing out my dogs.
Ahh.
[BUZZER.]
Yo? CHERYL (ON INTERCOM): Mr.
Wallace? I have Ed McMahon on Lin line two.
Something about a sweepstakes.
Oh, yes.
And I'm Johnny frigging Carson.
Tell that crank to get lost.
Ah.
If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the library.
[ZAPPING.]
Phew.
What died in here? It's, uh, my dad's socks.
Does the suit still work without them? Like it came with a manual.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Nice office.
My dad used to love it.
It's nothing compared to his new one, though.
Coming through.
[TOILET FLUSHING.]
They demoted your dad? And replaced him with your dad.
Well, you were the one who gave away his lucky suit.
There's no such thing as luck.
Unless somebody makes it luck real.
Now who do we know that could do that? Whoops.
Gotta motor.
You let her zap the suit, didn't you? So what if I did? I want it back right now.
We made a deal.
You said I could borrow it for a week.
It's only been a day.
-Tough.
My dad needs it.
Oh, your dad who doesn't need any luck because he's so wildly talented? Uh uh.
My wish, my dad, my suit.
You'll get back Tuesday.
Tuesday? Tuesday.
I'm off to the executive dining room for a kiwi slushie.
You can join me if you like.
[SNIFFING.]
Man.
What died in here? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
I think I just got lucky.
Dad.
I think I have something that might cheer you up.
Tada.
They're socks.
Lucky socks from your lucky suit.
I need more than socks to help me.
Come on.
You gotta fight.
I appreciate what you're trying to do, Wyatt.
But face it.
I've lost my edge.
No.
You've lost your confidence.
Take the socks.
Trust the socks.
Ignore the smell.
Thanks.
I needed a fresh pair.
I got a date tonight.
Get your own.
Those are dad's.
Yep.
I met a girl.
Her name is Angie.
She's perfect.
She looks great.
She smells great.
She's clinically depressed.
And she wants me.
Just take the socks.
[SNIFFING.]
Did Mom switch fabric softeners? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CAR ACCIDENT OUTSIDE.]
[MEN ARGUING.]
Excuse me.
Uh, Mr.
Wallace.
I'm, uh, here to work on your phone.
Sure.
Why not.
That's quite a stack you got there.
Yeah.
Somebody around here must think the old fake check gag is a real riot, huh? Uh, go ahead.
Phone's right there.
So what's a big powerful executive like you got to be so sad about? I used to drive a towing rig.
I miss it.
The open road, country music on the radio, smell of gas in your hair.
Well, if you miss your old job, why are you here? Well, it's important my son.
He thinks I'm making something of myself.
But-- But I feel stupid in a suit.
The only time I ever wore one was the day I married my wife, Emily.
And those two days on People's Court.
Oh, I got a presentation tomorrow.
I don't even know the first thing about what sells shoes.
Hmm.
Relax, Al.
I know what sells shoes.
What phone company did you say you were from? [GRUNTING.]
I'm bored.
Maybe this was a mistake.
I'm gonna leave.
You can't go.
I'm only on first base.
I have needs.
All right.
You want a little more? I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3 million.
Give me a break.
OK.
Now I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10 million.
That's incredible.
OK.
Wait.
What was my second grade art teacher's maiden name? Plumber.
Damn.
OK.
Now I'm making up a word.
Schnarfulpupper.
OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Since my dad's doing so well with the company, I thought we could discuss future employment.
After all, I won't be in high school forever.
[LAUGHTER.]
I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but it takes at least a Harvard education to land a position with Block and Associates, provided there's an opening in the mail room.
[LAUGHTER.]
Nonsense, Phil.
We'd be lucky to land Gary.
Gary comes from good stock.
If Gary has half the talent his father has, you'll be kissing his butt in a few years.
Or you could start sucking up now, Phil.
Avoid the rush.
[LAUGHTER.]
He's as quick as his father, sir.
Welcome to the team.
Let me freshen your Yoohoo.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here? Helping your dad.
With what? Dad, where's the suit? Right here.
If I'm going to do this job, I'm going to do it my way.
Besides my idea is going to blow them out of the water.
Go get 'em, Dad.
We're doomed.
-Wallace.
Nice touch.
Dress down day.
Shall we get started? First of all, say hello to our new Air Wave Sneakers girl.
Lisa, would you come up here? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[INAUDIBLE.]
.
Hey.
[WHISTLE.]
Now I'm thinking in big, black letters we'll see Air Wave Sneakers makes you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet, kind of.
And then, this is where Lisa comes in.
Where are you? Those are my feet.
Wallace, you mean to tell me we hired this gorgeous, sexy woman and all you use are her feet? Excuse me, Perry.
But sex doesn't sell footwear.
Feet sell footwear.
I'm afraid I have to disagree.
You have something to add, Donnelly.
Dad.
Here's you lucky suit.
No.
I don't need luck.
I've got four years of college, a master's degree, and 25 years of experience in this business.
We need to see her breasts.
Huh? I like where this is going.
Let's hear him out.
First lose the slogan.
It stinks.
No offense, Wallace.
But it's got too many words.
Consumers don't like to read.
Simple.
To the point.
But I'm not sold yet.
Of course you're not.
By itself it's invisible.
It's got no life.
That's where the sex comes in.
Lisa, could you please come here and read this.
Air Wave Sneakers make you feel like running.
Yes.
I like it.
[APPLAUSE.]
Dad.
Do something.
He's stealing all your thunder.
This is your campaign.
I don't know.
I like his better.
Wallace, I'm putting Donnelly back on the campaign.
Wayne.
I apologize.
I should have trusted your experience.
All, right Dad.
Yes.
Mr.
Tate.
We've got other ideas.
Just listen.
Hey, are those Air Waves? I want to make out with you.
Or Air Wave Sneakers.
Like having lots of thick puffy skin wrapped around your feet.
Bill.
Or Air Sneakers, it's like-- Gary.
Gary.
It's OK.
I don't want this job anyway.
It's not me.
I just tried it because I thought you were ashamed of your old man for being a tow truck driver.
No.
I wasn't ashamed.
I just thought you needed a few lucky breaks in life.
Like this job.
Well, I did get lucky breaks.
I got my own rig, my own house, your mother.
But you know what the most important thing we have is? Each other? No, I was thinking about the Mercedes and the 400 cans of beer.
[LAUGHTER.]
OK, Dad.
[LAUGHTER.]
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
[HONKING.]
The Meister Brau express.
Right on schedule.
This is my lucky day.
[ZAPPING.]
Uh oh.
[HONKING.]
I stand corrected.
THEME SONG: Weird science.
Fantasy and microchips.
Shooting from the hip.
Something different will make it weird science.
Pictures from a magazine.
Bits and pieces.
Bits and pieces.
My creation.
Is it real? It's my creation.
I do not know.
It's my creation.
From my heart and from my hand.
Why don't people understand my intentions?
Woman.
FRANKENSTEIN: Woman? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
THEME SONG: Weird science.
Pictures from a magazine, diagrams charts.
Mending broken and making weird science.
Something like a recipe.
Bits and pieces.
Bits and pieces.
My creation.
Is it real? It's my creation.
My creation.
It's my creation.
No heart of gold.
Just flesh and blood.
I do not know.
It's my creation.
My creation.
It's my creation.
From my heart and from my hand.
Why don't people understand? Alive, alive.
Career choices.
High school will one day end and you'll have to face the real world.
What to do with your lives then? I don't know.
I was thinking maybe grab some burgers.
I have some errands to run.
To help you answer this big question, here's your assignment.
For the next week you will work with one of your parents every day after school and write a report on your experience.
[GROANING.]
What is it, Wallace? No biggie, but hypothetically, what if we'd rather lick a hot muffler? Then hypothetically, you'll fail.
Oh.
I'm on board.
Come on.
Get the lead out.
I don't want to spend the whole day here.
HARRY (OVER RADIO): Al.
You there? Go ahead, Harry.
HARRY (OVER RADIO): You got a three banger on the 105 off ramp.
She's all yours, captain.
I'm there.
Hey, hey, you hear that? The big guy upstairs has blessed us with a three car pileup.
Oh.
That's wonderful news.
Look.
It may not sound like much, but it's honest work.
It buys you food, clothing, and that goop you put in your hair.
A three banger.
We're eating steak tonight.
[ENGINE BLOWING.]
No.
Not now of all the freaking days.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
That's should do it, Mr.
Donnelly.
I also installed Wing Commander for you.
Thanks.
If there's nothing else, I'll send the executive chef up to take your lunch orders.
Great.
So, Wyatt, what do you think of the advertising game so far? Oh, a little rough, but I'll get used to it.
Hey.
I'm sorry, sir.
He slipped in while I was on the phone.
That's OK, Cheryl.
Hey, Gar.
How's it going? You want a fizzy water? No thanks.
The guy down at the garage let me drink off the hose.
So how's life in the emergency lane? Oh, pretty much like this.
Except it sucks and I smell like roadkill.
Wayne.
Got a sec? This is my boss, Mr.
Tate.
Barry, have you met my son? Yes, we ran into each other in the executive washroom.
By the way, did you get that jiggle fixed yet? -Excuse me? -The jiggle.
Stall three.
We're not getting a good flush.
You are the toilet repairman, aren't you? Oh, no.
This is my friend Gary Wallace.
Gray, Mr.
Tate.
Axle grease.
Ah.
Wayne, Joanna Moulton's been called out of town unexpectedly, so I want you to take over the Air Wave Sneakers presentation tomorrow morning.
I'd love to.
Thank you, Barry.
I'm not kidding you here.
This could be your chance to step into the creative director shoes.
We're looking for a home run here.
Well, I'm your designated hitter.
Good.
Wyatt, let's have lunch sometime.
Talk advertising.
Sounds good, sir.
Don't forget.
Stall three.
I'll get right on it.
Yes, yes, yes.
The Air Wave sneaker campaign.
My lucky suit scores again.
Lucky suit? Good things happen when I wear this suit.
It never fails.
My first job.
That stock tip back in '85.
Conceiving you.
(TOGETHER) Ew.
Come on, fellas.
Let's celebrate.
Hard day at the office? For some of us.
I had a hard day too, thanks.
Why? You sprain your wrist on the bottled water.
Or did your secretary forget to crumble goat cheese on your salad? It wasn't all of that.
This assignment bites.
Come on, Gary.
You must be learning something from all this.
Oh, sure.
Here's a little factoid.
Did you know that a car battery explodes in a shower of hot acid if you charge it backwards? Your dad's job isn't all bad.
He gets to be outside on the open road, helping people in trouble.
Great.
You wanna swap? Hell no.
See? It's a gyp.
My dad struggles all his life while Wayne Donnelly straps on a lucky suit and rockets right to the top.
You really think the suit is lucky? Why not? I believe in genies.
If my dad had that suit in his closet, he'd have a big house and a puff cake job too.
That's ridiculous.
People make their own luck.
My dad is successful because he's good.
Not because of some lucky tweed.
Fine.
Let my dad borrow the suit.
I'll prove it to you.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Why do I gotta wear this thing? It doesn't even fit.
You're asking for a bank loan to fix the truck.
You can't go in there looking like Mr.
Green Jeans.
Besides, I have you feeling things will really start happening for you in this suit.
Oh, things are happening already.
I get some kind of rash brewing.
Feel like a monkey, for crying out loud.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Boy, you should be wearing safety goggles.
If his buttons go, you could lose an eye.
Look, I need a favor.
Could you zap the suit and make it lucky? You said it already was lucky.
Well, I just want to prove to Wyatt that if my dad had the same breaks, he'd be successful too.
But if I zap the suit, that would be cheating.
I didn't say I wanted to prove anything to myself.
You'd be completely despicable if you weren't so much fun.
[ZAPPING.]
Hey.
What do you know? This thing's got some give after all.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dad, you look great.
Like a real grown up.
You know what I mean.
Like an adult.
I am an adult.
Look, a quarter.
Dibs.
[HONKING.]
Excuse me, sir? Do you want to buy this car for a quarter? Are you kidding me? The judge said I had to sell it and give half the money to my ex.
He didn't say how much I had to sell it for.
What do you say? Sold.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
I guess this is your lucky day.
COP: Stop him.
[THUD.]
You just call the Pomona Prowler.
Dad.
You're a hero.
[APPLAUSE.]
Somebody get this man's name so we can send him his reward.
How about that? A brand new Mercedes, big fat reward.
Nothing could make this day more perfect.
[HONKING.]
Meister Brau.
I stand corrected.
I hate being without my lucky suit.
I just don't understand this.
Why would your mother have taken it to the cleaners? Beats me.
But what are you worried about? Your great at your job.
You don't need some stupid suit to impress people.
You do that naturally.
Thanks, Wyatt.
Maybe I could manage one presentation without it, huh? Give 'em hell, Dad.
Whoops.
[RIPPING.]
Oh, no.
[BUZZER.]
Yes? CHERYL (ON INTERCOM): Mr.
Donnelly, they're waiting for you.
Yes, I'd better get to that presentation.
You know, the one thing-- perfect.
What are you doing? Taking the tie off.
This monkey suit is starting to get old.
No, you can't take it off.
It might jinx you.
Think about it.
You put this suit on, lucky things happen.
It's like a full body rabbit's foot.
I am feeling pretty lucky.
[SCREECHING.]
[THUD.]
MALE SPEAKER: Sorry again about the fender bender, Al.
Coffee? Al Wallace? What the hell are you doing here? Just lucky, I guess.
Mr.
Tate.
I was terribly worried about you.
Sorry, fender bender.
My mind wandered at an intersection.
I plowed into poor Al here.
Mans a prince.
Got me a free toy, gave me a ride to work.
I thought I'd give him the nickel tour.
So what do you guys make here? Um, advertising, Al.
We make advertising.
Oh, heya, Wayne.
Let's hear what you've got.
See if you can make me forget I just totaled my car.
Oh, uh.
Right.
Sure thing, Barry.
Upon analyzing the specs for Air Wave Sneakers-- Slogan.
Get to the slogan.
Of course.
Air Wave Sneakers.
They'll make you run like a Greyhound.
I don't find that funny, Donnelly.
My dog, Rex, passed away this morning.
And he was a Greyhound? No.
He was hit by one.
[LAUGHTER.]
I get it.
Hit by one.
He means the bus.
Al, he's not joking.
Sure I am.
Looks like you and I are the only ones around here with a sense of humor.
[LAUGHTER.]
I gotta tell you guys.
I really love those Air Wave Sneakers.
They make you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet.
Kind of.
It's brilliant.
That's our slogan right there.
What slogan? Air Wave Sneakers.
They make you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet.
Kind of.
[APPLAUSE.]
I'm in complete agreement with you, sir.
That is an excellent slogan.
Bravo.
And might I add, you have a remarkable memory.
Al, how'd you like a job? I already got a job.
Dad.
You gotta take it.
I won't take no for an answer, Mr.
Creative Director.
Actually, that's Mr.
Wallace.
[LAUGHTER.]
Scanning, scanning.
What do we got? Woofer.
Woofer.
Whoa.
Sensors locked on target.
There she is again.
Four days in a row.
No boyfriend in sight.
This is it.
I'm making my move.
Hi.
I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me.
I'm a doctor.
OK.
OK, what? OK.
I'll go out with you.
I'm not a doctor.
It doesn't matter.
But I just lied to you.
It doesn't matter.
Listen, I live with my parents.
I have no job.
No prospects for a job.
No interest in finding a job.
And I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a Tic Tac.
I'll still go out with you.
What's wrong with you? My boyfriend just dumped me.
My self-esteem is in the toilet and I have lost my will to live.
At this point, I'd date an area rug.
I got you covered.
Woohoo.
I always wanted a chair that would do this.
Dad.
You're an executive now.
Nonsense.
Whatever makes Al happy makes Mr.
Tate happy.
That's what flies around here.
Excellent work with that slogan.
You're going places, Al.
I'd just like to be your copilot on your rocket to the top, if you'll have me.
Sure, whatever.
Fine.
I'll just leave you to settle in, captain.
[LAUGHTER.]
Boy, is that guy a phony butt smoocher or what? [PHONE RINGING.]
Yello? MAN (ON PHONE): This is KOPC.
If you can name the phrase that pays, you'll win a free trip to Cancun.
Kiss my rusty butt.
MAN (ON PHONE): That's it.
You won.
Ugh.
Boy, I've been getting these crank calls all morning.
You've won this, you've won that.
What? Do they think I'm a moron? No dad.
Why would they think you're a moron? The good news is you're finally getting the breaks you deserve.
Breaks schmeaks.
I'm no creative director.
I should get back to the truck.
You've got to give this a chance.
Don't you want to set a good example? Well, I thought I already did.
I own my own business.
But this is a good example with perks.
Major perks.
Well, if it's that important to you.
What are you doing? Airing out my dogs.
Ahh.
[BUZZER.]
Yo? CHERYL (ON INTERCOM): Mr.
Wallace? I have Ed McMahon on Lin line two.
Something about a sweepstakes.
Oh, yes.
And I'm Johnny frigging Carson.
Tell that crank to get lost.
Ah.
If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the library.
[ZAPPING.]
Phew.
What died in here? It's, uh, my dad's socks.
Does the suit still work without them? Like it came with a manual.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Nice office.
My dad used to love it.
It's nothing compared to his new one, though.
Coming through.
[TOILET FLUSHING.]
They demoted your dad? And replaced him with your dad.
Well, you were the one who gave away his lucky suit.
There's no such thing as luck.
Unless somebody makes it luck real.
Now who do we know that could do that? Whoops.
Gotta motor.
You let her zap the suit, didn't you? So what if I did? I want it back right now.
We made a deal.
You said I could borrow it for a week.
It's only been a day.
-Tough.
My dad needs it.
Oh, your dad who doesn't need any luck because he's so wildly talented? Uh uh.
My wish, my dad, my suit.
You'll get back Tuesday.
Tuesday? Tuesday.
I'm off to the executive dining room for a kiwi slushie.
You can join me if you like.
[SNIFFING.]
Man.
What died in here? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
I think I just got lucky.
Dad.
I think I have something that might cheer you up.
Tada.
They're socks.
Lucky socks from your lucky suit.
I need more than socks to help me.
Come on.
You gotta fight.
I appreciate what you're trying to do, Wyatt.
But face it.
I've lost my edge.
No.
You've lost your confidence.
Take the socks.
Trust the socks.
Ignore the smell.
Thanks.
I needed a fresh pair.
I got a date tonight.
Get your own.
Those are dad's.
Yep.
I met a girl.
Her name is Angie.
She's perfect.
She looks great.
She smells great.
She's clinically depressed.
And she wants me.
Just take the socks.
[SNIFFING.]
Did Mom switch fabric softeners? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CAR ACCIDENT OUTSIDE.]
[MEN ARGUING.]
Excuse me.
Uh, Mr.
Wallace.
I'm, uh, here to work on your phone.
Sure.
Why not.
That's quite a stack you got there.
Yeah.
Somebody around here must think the old fake check gag is a real riot, huh? Uh, go ahead.
Phone's right there.
So what's a big powerful executive like you got to be so sad about? I used to drive a towing rig.
I miss it.
The open road, country music on the radio, smell of gas in your hair.
Well, if you miss your old job, why are you here? Well, it's important my son.
He thinks I'm making something of myself.
But-- But I feel stupid in a suit.
The only time I ever wore one was the day I married my wife, Emily.
And those two days on People's Court.
Oh, I got a presentation tomorrow.
I don't even know the first thing about what sells shoes.
Hmm.
Relax, Al.
I know what sells shoes.
What phone company did you say you were from? [GRUNTING.]
I'm bored.
Maybe this was a mistake.
I'm gonna leave.
You can't go.
I'm only on first base.
I have needs.
All right.
You want a little more? I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3 million.
Give me a break.
OK.
Now I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10 million.
That's incredible.
OK.
Wait.
What was my second grade art teacher's maiden name? Plumber.
Damn.
OK.
Now I'm making up a word.
Schnarfulpupper.
OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Since my dad's doing so well with the company, I thought we could discuss future employment.
After all, I won't be in high school forever.
[LAUGHTER.]
I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but it takes at least a Harvard education to land a position with Block and Associates, provided there's an opening in the mail room.
[LAUGHTER.]
Nonsense, Phil.
We'd be lucky to land Gary.
Gary comes from good stock.
If Gary has half the talent his father has, you'll be kissing his butt in a few years.
Or you could start sucking up now, Phil.
Avoid the rush.
[LAUGHTER.]
He's as quick as his father, sir.
Welcome to the team.
Let me freshen your Yoohoo.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here? Helping your dad.
With what? Dad, where's the suit? Right here.
If I'm going to do this job, I'm going to do it my way.
Besides my idea is going to blow them out of the water.
Go get 'em, Dad.
We're doomed.
-Wallace.
Nice touch.
Dress down day.
Shall we get started? First of all, say hello to our new Air Wave Sneakers girl.
Lisa, would you come up here? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[INAUDIBLE.]
.
Hey.
[WHISTLE.]
Now I'm thinking in big, black letters we'll see Air Wave Sneakers makes you feel like you're running around with a couple of big squishy pillows strapped to your feet, kind of.
And then, this is where Lisa comes in.
Where are you? Those are my feet.
Wallace, you mean to tell me we hired this gorgeous, sexy woman and all you use are her feet? Excuse me, Perry.
But sex doesn't sell footwear.
Feet sell footwear.
I'm afraid I have to disagree.
You have something to add, Donnelly.
Dad.
Here's you lucky suit.
No.
I don't need luck.
I've got four years of college, a master's degree, and 25 years of experience in this business.
We need to see her breasts.
Huh? I like where this is going.
Let's hear him out.
First lose the slogan.
It stinks.
No offense, Wallace.
But it's got too many words.
Consumers don't like to read.
Simple.
To the point.
But I'm not sold yet.
Of course you're not.
By itself it's invisible.
It's got no life.
That's where the sex comes in.
Lisa, could you please come here and read this.
Air Wave Sneakers make you feel like running.
Yes.
I like it.
[APPLAUSE.]
Dad.
Do something.
He's stealing all your thunder.
This is your campaign.
I don't know.
I like his better.
Wallace, I'm putting Donnelly back on the campaign.
Wayne.
I apologize.
I should have trusted your experience.
All, right Dad.
Yes.
Mr.
Tate.
We've got other ideas.
Just listen.
Hey, are those Air Waves? I want to make out with you.
Or Air Wave Sneakers.
Like having lots of thick puffy skin wrapped around your feet.
Bill.
Or Air Sneakers, it's like-- Gary.
Gary.
It's OK.
I don't want this job anyway.
It's not me.
I just tried it because I thought you were ashamed of your old man for being a tow truck driver.
No.
I wasn't ashamed.
I just thought you needed a few lucky breaks in life.
Like this job.
Well, I did get lucky breaks.
I got my own rig, my own house, your mother.
But you know what the most important thing we have is? Each other? No, I was thinking about the Mercedes and the 400 cans of beer.
[LAUGHTER.]
OK, Dad.
[LAUGHTER.]
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
[HONKING.]
The Meister Brau express.
Right on schedule.
This is my lucky day.
[ZAPPING.]
Uh oh.
[HONKING.]
I stand corrected.
THEME SONG: Weird science.
Fantasy and microchips.
Shooting from the hip.
Something different will make it weird science.
Pictures from a magazine.
Bits and pieces.
Bits and pieces.
My creation.
Is it real? It's my creation.
I do not know.
It's my creation.
From my heart and from my hand.
Why don't people understand my intentions?