Being Human (US) s03e06 Episode Script

Previously, on Being Human We've been hunting down the vampires, attempting to fulfill the will of nature and finish them off.
- Aidan is a good man.
- He needs to be stopped.
Those crazy-ass dogs scratched the hell out of me.
She should stay with us, just through her first turn.
I'm a reanimated corpse brought back from the dead by a spell, but I'm cursed.
So anyone I see that knew me when I was alive dies.
I have a job now.
It's at a funeral home.
Max is a good boss.
How does a 15-year-old just vanish? Maybe Erin doesn't wanna be found.
I have something for you.
That's Kenny.
He's been stuck in that cage since he was a toddler.
- Bubble-boy disease.
- Taking some blood from you.
- Are you a vampire? - No.
Oh my God! Oh my God! That's the best French toast I've ever had.
Oh yeah? The secret is I use heavy cream instead of milk, so the batter's basically custard.
Mmm! It's basically amazing.
Yeah.
And you're an amazing man for bringing it into my life.
Um So, listen, I'm really glad you guys are happy, but could we maybe try not to burn the house down? - It's my only request.
- Oh no! Not the French toast! Yes! Hey, listen, your girlfriend has been in the bathroom for 45 minutes.
Could you let her know there is a line? No, Nora's at work.
It's Erin.
Hey, you're bathing! Does that mean you're going back to work? Ok No, it doesn't mean I can't go back there.
Kenny saw me I know this is not your thing, but you have to try this.
It's kind of life-changing.
My 2nd secret is I put orange zest in the batter.
- Aha! - Orange zest! What? Dude, you need to streamline your showering process.
Gotta keep it fresh.
FYI, the drain's clogged.
It wasn't me! Wow! I think my teeth just rotted out of my head watching you do that.
Oh, don't Stop it.
Stop, stop, stop! That's communal cream.
I'll get it! God, how did she get to be so cute? Black magic.
You can just tell them you already have a religion, Sally.
Hide me now.
It's my brother.
What? Is it gonna kill him to see you? What? So, yeah, I'm your new landlord, Robbie.
My dad owns the house.
He inherited it after the last owners died.
Well, that is indeed the deed to the house owned by Samid Malik.
Yeah, Dad was happy to let the management company handle everything, but I just got back to Boston, so I'm gonna take over.
- That's great because - The plumbing is shot to hell.
And something died in there.
Crawled into the wall and kicked it.
The smell's been overpowering.
If you have a SARS mask, you can come on in and check it out right now.
If it's no problem, I'll take care of it this week.
Great.
And seeing as how I'm taking over, you can just write the rent cheques directly to me.
You know, or cash works too.
It's better actually.
Pleasure meeting you, boys.
God Robbie's not supposed to be here.
I didn't even know you had a brother.
Uh, yeah.
Well, he doesn't even know I'm in Boston and, uh, I need to keep it that way.
You know what? I'm just gonna meet you at work.
'Cause I need to talk this over with the guys.
Hey, are we in a fight that I don't know about? What? No, we're fine.
If you see him, don't say anything to him about me when you leave, ok? If he asks, you don't even know me at all.
Right, I don't know you.
Got it.
Ok, so your dad owns the house, but you brother is now the new landlord.
Well, this is an unanticipated turn of events.
Danny and I were both on the deed, but he didn't have any family left, so the property must have reverted back to my dad when Danny died.
Well, Robbie seems nice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I guess he's grown up.
He was always really handy.
He was just, like, so messed up! The last time I saw him was at my prom.
He got arrested for stealing a tank of nitrous and selling hits in the school parking lot.
People change.
People do change.
Well, his fight was always with my mom.
So my dad probably just gave him the job to bring him back home.
You know, Sally, we tried to get rid of him, but he's gonna come back to make repairs.
And to be honest, the place does need a little TLC.
This is a death sentence for him.
It's a death sentence.
How am I supposed to avoid contact? Maybe I can call your dad? Do not call my dad! I don't wanna risk his life! - I wasn't suggesting that.
- Hold on.
- Just don't call my dad.
- Well, here's the plan.
Listen to him.
Here it is.
Ready? The three of us are gonna stay home all day, fix the place up.
So when Robbie comes back, he'll just be in and out.
Josh, I cannot stay here.
What if he comes back today? - Besides, I have work.
- And I got work.
So now you have to go to work? Fine, you're right.
No, I should skip it.
No, go.
No! You should go.
No, you should go.
It's gonna be good to have you back.
I have a ski mask.
Do you need the ski mask? Yeah.
That sounds great.
Thank you.
You'll sneak out after me.
In a ski mask.
Yes.
Also though, guys, if Robbie's gonna be here when we're gone, you're probably gonna wanna just lock up your valuables.
Just in case.
Hey, champ! You hungry? I haven't seen you in a while.
Oh, you know, pediatrics just got an Atari And if you want, I can scrub it and sneak it in here.
And I know what you're thinking.
But you should try retro.
You might actually like it.
I had jury duty.
Uh, Kerwin said you were sick.
Uh, yeah, I was sick, and then I did my civic duty.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait! Um, are we gonna talk about the fact that you're a vampire? Look, I'm not gonna, like, tweet it or anything.
Ok.
Let's just say, for sake of argument, that I'm a vampire.
What's to stop me from chowing down right now? The glass? These aren't the shields to the Starship Enterprise, Kenny.
I can break through glass.
Ok, well, if if you were evil, you would have eaten me already.
And I know that you've been drawing extra blood.
And I apologize for that, but I don't schedule the tests, pal.
Ok, so before you, you know, dismiss me or glamour me or whatever, let me feed you.
She's a runaway.
Where did she get so many clothes? Aidan? Why aren't you at work? You know, if you're getting fired, the least you can do is man up and help me snake the drain.
And I really hope you're wearing pants.
Oh, hey.
What are you doing down here, Erin? Sorry, I was just thinking about where to, uh change next time.
Oh.
You don't have to worry about that.
I'll get you a storage unit next to Nora, ok? Can't we just do it in the woods again? That storage place is, like, dog-pound level depressing.
So you'd rather get killed in an alley? Or better yet, kill someone else? Just because you couldn't control yourself, doesn't mean I can't.
You're not a wolf anymore.
Stop acting like you know what's best for me.
I do know what's best for you, Erin.
And when you're in this house, you will listen to me.
That means you will change in the storage unit, you will respect people's privacy and you'll go upstairs and you'll tidy up your stuff.
The living room is common space.
And I've turned into my mother.
Hey, handsome.
That suit makes death look sexy.
Thanks.
The Dobbins viewing is starting in a half hour.
Oh yeah, that's more than enough time.
Ok, all right, so the stuff with your brother, that's ok? If by "ok" you mean super messed up, then, yeah, it's good.
It's all right.
It's fine.
Ok.
Although, it doesn't seem really practical for me to go full Anne Frank at home, so could I stay with you for a day or two? I guess.
Is something else bothering you? Mr.
Dobbins is starting to look a little RuPaul's Drag Race.
How come you can talk to your roommates, but you can't talk to me? I mean, we're close physically.
But I really wanna know you, Sally.
You do know me.
Yeah, I mean, I know that you like French toast, you know, like, an unnatural amount.
You either have the world's highest metabolism or you have a very well-hidden eating disorder.
I know that you look amazing in purple and I know that you love it when I kiss you behind the ear.
I know that you were terrified to go outside, but I have no idea why.
There are just some things I can't ask you to deal with.
But you can talk to Josh and Aidan about them? They're just your roommates, right? So why are you guys so close? Aidan and Josh just understand what I'm going through.
Ok, so, obviously, you've got some weird stuff going on.
You know, I was a 28-year-old virgin.
I know all about baggage, but I can talk about mine.
Mmhmm.
We can't even go out to dinner because you're worried about seeing someone you know.
How can we have any kind of life? I like what we have, Max.
It'll get better, I promise.
I promise.
Aidan, I have been up all night thinking of questions to ask you.
I'm shocked.
Come on! I saw you change.
The eyes and the teeth.
Come on, you can't keep denying that.
If you do, I can always tell Kerwin who might think I'm crazy.
But she also might believe me.
Please.
- What do you wanna know? - Yes! Ok, ok, ok.
Um are you, like, a thousand years old? More like 260, give or take.
Arm.
See, and you don't look a day over 225.
Thank you.
Can you step over to the sunlight one more time? - Why? - I wanna see if you sparkle.
Listen to me.
It's not like it is in the movies.
There is absolutely nothing glamorous about what I am.
Ok? Why me though? I mean, is, like, immunodeficiency blood some type of delicacy? There's this virus, and it's a flu.
And for humans, it's a couple days of chills, but the antibodies that it leaves behind are lethal to vampires.
And I, of course, didn't catch it.
That's it? Come on, you can take one for yourself.
I can feed you.
I don't, uh I don't meet many cool people in here, believe it or not, undead or otherwise.
And I just would hate to lose a friend because he was too proud to accept a favour.
Ok, m maybe just a little bit.
How how did you become a vampire? I didn't have a choice.
Well, we won the battle, no thanks to you.
You really had to get shot? True soldiers take wounds for their cause.
Just try not to be such a willing target next time.
It's only a scratch.
Sleep and a hot meal would be the best medicine.
What I wouldn't give for one of your wife's meat pies.
Why do you think I married her? Suzanna nearly starts a fire every time she tries to cook.
But what a beauty! Ah! Go seek help.
I promised your girl you would come home in one piece.
Do not make a liar of me.
All right.
I'll see you back at camp.
Oh, and, Aidan, do some good for once and try to find us something hot for supper.
S Sergeant! Sergeant! Oh! You are a brave one.
Most men would have run, not followed me.
- What sort of monster are you? - Am I a monster? Whatever you are, you will die for dishonouring those soldiers.
Your troops are camped about half a mile from here.
I can smell them.
They're injured from battle, weak from hunger, not expecting an attack from one of their own.
What's to keep me from slaughtering them all like lambs? Certainly not you.
Let them go.
Kill me instead.
I will.
And all the men who wait for you.
Oh God Suzanna Did you really think you were going to survive this war to return to them? You knocked the Devil in the eye and charged.
Is there a quicker way to get to Heaven? - It was right! - It was foolhardy.
So spare me.
Let me learn from my mistake.
I will not spare you.
But I could turn you into what I am.
You would be stronger, more powerful.
And you would live forever.
You couldn't go home again.
But you will not care.
After a time, you will not care.
I would rather die.
Then your men will die today too.
Let them live.
You must understand, what you believe, what you love, it changes in as many lifetimes.
You will not be the same man.
I am already changed.
Your choice, warrior.
Hey! Did you get this from my room? Why wouldn't you share it? It's actually, like, interesting and useful.
It's pointless to apply science to a curse.
Rehashing my failures won't do you any good, Erin.
I promise.
Right.
What a drag.
You'd rather lock me up and forget about me.
I'm trying to help you! Erin, remember when you said that Bob Dylan is good music for old people? Well, I have a turntable and a bunch of LPs if you wanna check them out.
No, no.
No, everything is so My So-Called Life with her but switchbladier.
You don't have to adore her, just look out for her like you do with Emily.
No, it was never this hard with Emily.
Erin is just looking for things to rebel against.
Maybe just try to care a little bit less.
Ok? - Sally? How are you here? - Robbie What the hell is this? Oh my I have to I have to fix this.
I can't explain right now.
I don't have I'm gonna come back here, I promise, just I love you.
I love you.
Sally! Donna's not gonna be there.
It's 2:00 a.
m.
Normal people are in bed.
Since when is a black-magic witch a normal person? Why would you risk going home if you thought Robbie was gonna be around? Normal people are in bed! I don't know.
What was Robbie doing camping out on the street corner? I thought he'd be at my dad's.
Besides, I needed to change my clothes.
Unacceptable to go 6 hours without a wardrobe change.
Honestly, if you see me in yesterday's sweater, shoot me in the face.
I don't wanna live like that.
Um Oh yeah! What about bats? Can you turn into one? Or mist? Hey, what's the deal with the wooden stakes? Oh boy! Kenny Why don't you just wear a spacesuit? John Travolta, Boy in the Plastic Bubble.
And that Seinfeld episode.
I sure learned a ton.
That set back bubble-boy awareness 20 years.
I don't turn into a bat.
Ok.
Wait, wait, wait.
Um can you, uh um What is it? I want you to turn me into what you are.
You don't know what you're asking.
Ah! Have you ever felt more alive? I have done what you asked.
And I shall return to my men, to my life.
You are no longer one of them.
You are more than what they are.
I don't care that you bit me.
I owe it to my soldiers to help them win this war.
Go, then.
But you won't find friends.
You'll find dinner.
Aidan! Ha! You did not return yesterday.
I thought you'd run away.
I was on a scout.
Glad to have you back.
I was about to bring this back to camp.
Even shared, a bit of meat will keep everyone's spirits up.
Aidan.
Aidan, what's wrong? It it is all right.
Aidan.
It is all right.
Oh! Ah! Ah! Do not be afraid, Benjamin.
Do not be afraid, Benjamin.
Oh, it's you! Hey, you cleaned up ok! Donna, we need your help.
My brother saw me.
It was an accident.
You have to change the deal.
You have to save him! I don't have to do anything.
Besides, I can't.
The spell is binding.
- Sally! - Help him or I'll kill you.
Aaah! Sally, are you ok? Sally! Sally! I gave you this life, but I am happy to end it right now and send you back to limbo where you belong.
Sally.
Sally.
It is a delicate balance, life, death.
I've already pushed it, bringing you back.
You can't expect to save his life without giving something else up in its place.
Please.
Please, it's my brother.
There is one way.
Anything.
Anything.
You would live out your natural life.
You could see the people you used to know without consequences.
That's what I want.
But when you die, I get your soul.
Sally, no.
You ca you can't give her your soul! It's not worth it! He's family, Josh.
He's family.
If you can save my brother, then you can have my soul.
You know, not many people would sacrifice so much for someone else.
You must love him a lot.
You don't even know what she's going to do with it.
I don't care.
I'll deal with my soul later.
If Robbie dies now, all he'll ever be is lost.
I always thought he was selfish, but if I let this curse kill him because I'm afraid of the unknown, I'm worse.
I hurt a lot of people running from that fear, and I never wanna do it again.
I'd rather live the life I have, really live, than waste it hiding, afraid of killing the people that I love.
That's worth an eternity to me.
Just so that we are clear your brother will be safe.
You will no longer kill the people that you know by having contact with them.
But when you die, your soul is mine.
Is that what you want? Yes.
Thank you.
You knew this would happen.
What will you do with it? My soul.
You no longer have the right to know.
Hey, jerk.
Sally! You look pale.
Yeah, I I was a little out of it earlier, but I'm ok now.
Weird.
Yeah.
I thought you were dead.
Wasn't there a funeral? Yeah, uh, it was just this whole it was the situation with with Danny and, uh, I just had to lay low for a while.
So Dad kicked you out? Yeah.
So, I guess he didn't know about the whole landlord thing, did he? How'd you know about that? These guys are my friends.
I'm just passing through Boston anyway.
I'm going to Florida.
Got a couple deals there waiting for me.
Are you serious? So you were just scamming Dad after everything that he's been through? Dad doesn't want anything to do with the house, all right? He was just letting the cheques pile up.
He would've never even noticed.
You weren't at Mom's funeral.
Neither were you.
Pot call the kettle black much? Dad thinks you're dead, in case you forgot.
I know, Robbie.
I know it's crazy, but please just don't say anything to Dad.
I just need to do it my own way.
You were always the good one.
So if you had to lie, you must've had a good reason.
Look, I have I have, like I don't know, like, 60 bucks.
Just take it.
For gas money, you know.
I guess I should hit the road.
Maybe we can see each other again next time you're in town.
It's a new start, another chance to do things right.
Yeah.
So, Florida, huh? Glad you're going someplace warm.
I'll write you a postcard.
Nothing like sterilized comic books to start the day out right.
Yeah, my dad dropped them off on the way to work.
What did he bring you this time? Uh, just the usual pull list.
Plus the Whedon run of X-Men.
Wow! Yeah.
Uh, he's he's the best.
So, hey, I asked you to turn me into a vampire.
Why aren't we talking about that? We are.
Kenny, if I were to turn you you could never see your dad again.
You would have to leave everyone that you love behind.
I turn 18 next year.
The day after my birthday, I'm walking out of here.
Whether you turn me or not.
Even if it kills me.
'Cause this it's not living.
Why did you let me go? Why? Because now you know you cannot go back.
I would never make that mistake again! That is what you say today, and you will say it as you hover over countless lost causes.
Former loves, family.
With eternity at your side, you will think that you will not make that mistake again.
But of course you will.
Sorry.
Lost.
No enemies here, son.
Come back.
We were just about to feast.
It's all right.
Come.
You must have dug up quite an appetite.
She cleaned up.
Hey, you.
Wasn't sure I was gonna see you again.
That's not fair.
You ran home to get clothes last night and never came back.
Yeah, I I really like you, Sally, but I just don't think this is gonna work out.
I know that I have been super crazy.
But I've been dealing with some stuff.
Like, life and death stuff.
And last night, I fixed it.
Ok.
Wait, ok.
My family hasn't always been there for me, which is why I started a new family with Aidan and Josh.
And maybe with you too, one day, if I haven't totally messed this up.
Family doesn't just vanish without so much as a text.
Ok.
All right.
What if I what if I gave you a no-more-crazies guarantee? Why should I believe you? Because we can go out together now.
On the town.
- Like, to the movies? - Yeah.
- Or, like, the mall? - Mm-hmm.
Or, like, the discotheque? Well, if you can locate a discotheque in this decade, I will go with you.
- I will find a discotheque.
- Well then, let's go to it.
Ok.
I'm gonna give you one more chance.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
But you have to do something for me.
What? Just go to breakfast with me.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah? But, um I just gave my last $60 to my brother.
I don't have any money.
So, oh ok.
So this is what they mean by high-maintenance.
Mmm And you can't forget you're part of my pack now.
Just like Nora.
You've been abandoned before, but that was by humans.
A wolf's bond goes deeper.
You're not an orphan anymore.
You're family.
Now, he's gonna do whatever he can to keep us apart.
But since you're a child, he'll be inclined to trust you.
That makes you my secret weapon.
You'll tell me his schedule, find his food supply and then poison it with your blood.
I'll be there to finish him.
He's home early.
Come now.
Don't take your eyes off him.
I'm almost there.