Being Mary Jane (2013) s03e06 Episode Script
Don't Call It a Comeback
WOMAN: Previously on "Being Mary Jane.
" What organization are you with again? National Council Of La Russa.
We just want to make sure everyone has a seat at the table.
And by everyone, you mean Latin people.
Did I miss the memo about the meeting? No, no, Marisol was simply telling me her ideas.
Was she now? It's my show, it's my audience.
No, it's SNC's show, and it's SNC's audience.
Are you ready for prime time, Mary Jane? Yeah, I am ready for prime time and I'm happy to announce that you won't have to wait much longer.
I'll be back on the air on Monday.
What you are is a pain in my ass.
How you doing? You've been going through a lot lately so I'm just checking on you.
MARY JANE: Do you know that football player I told you about? Yeah.
You like him for the sex.
Let him be your little scratch for the itch, okay? Since we worked hard, you ready to play? Want to go get some drinks? Gosh I wish, I wish but you know now that I've moved back in with John and the kids, I got some stuff to do.
MARY JANE: My girlfriend was supposed to join me but she just flaked.
Well mind if I keep you company? Not at all.
- [laughs.]
- Well you know he's skinny, right? And you know what they say about the skinny brothas.
- They be packing.
- [laughs.]
Well he does love the sistas, because when I interviewed him, I caught him looking.
Do not lie on him.
- I'm not lying.
- [laughs.]
But I will say, I do love his little smoker lips.
And that walk.
Girl, he walk more gangsta than pudding.
I'm just saying.
- Putin.
- Putin.
I call him pudding.
- Yeah he could be your pudding, honey.
- That's right.
You know what though? A girl can dream, but pump the brakes.
Team Michelle all day, all day, all day everyday.
I'm with you, I'm with you.
But I'm gonna put this on the record, ladies, okay? If he puts me on Air Force One, I'm gonna have to slip on my Air Force Ones to get a good grip to handle all that, uh, turbulence.
WOMAN2: That's gonna take you nowhere.
I hope the first lady whoops your ass.
I hope she whoops your ass.
[laughs.]
This A minus on President Obama's report card is more than justified.
job creation in this century.
See stalkers are officially now a hazard of the business.
And I know we have all had one.
The last one I had, girl, he would pretend like he was my assistant and pick up my cleaning.
But all he wanted to do was pee on my underwear and leave them at my front door.
Eww.
- He was white though, huh? - Yep.
Otherwise they would not have let his ass pick up your dry cleaning.
Yeah, brothas can't get a break.
Topping off the night, Boko Haram has struck again.
This lime launching a rocket attack on the Nigerian town of Boga.
This news is coming on the heels of the Nigerian military's claim that they had just recaptured the small town.
No, no no absolutely not.
I am not gonna give some broke ass dude a pre-nup in order to just be married.
- That's crazy.
- But why not? I mean instead of dodging pre-nups, perhaps we successful sistas need to be handing them out.
We just need to re-think this.
Are we really talking about legislating love? Yes.
Because the institution of marriage is in constant flux, baby.
We have to redefine it, that's all I'm saying.
I'm coming around to what she is saying.
- That's because you're drunk.
- No I'm not.
- I've been drinking that water.
- [laughs.]
It's the courage water, leave her alone.
Courage water, yeah you've been drinking too much of that courage water, girl.
And who you looking around for? Uh huh, uh huh.
Uhh.
- I'm looking, hall monitor.
- [laughs.]
Okay, Robin, I'm sorry, you were about to say something crazy.
Go ahead, baby girl.
Seriously though, Mary Jane, even you said that you and your cuddy buddy have a great relationship.
- Very open and honest.
- Yes.
Some of your best communication.
Um, that's because she doesn't want him.
It's easy to be open, and loving, and fun when all you want is that itch scratched.
- ROBIN: Oh.
- True, true, true.
Turn the tables and the microphone.
[laughs.]
I've never been fond of the term "America eats its young," but when the house proposes cutting 759 billion over 8 years that will affect education, job training, and public safety, not to mention freeze the maximum Pell grant for the next decade.
Well I hate to say it but gobble, gobble.
I like this place.
You're gonna have to help me get a membership.
Oh no problem.
It's sexy, right? Well it's a little ol' melanin for me.
But hey speak for yourself.
- I was.
- Bye.
Bye.
No, no, you should not be paying for that.
- What are you doing? - I didn't even know to ask.
See I had my agent negotiate it in my contract and they don't cover it all.
- But now I get an allowance.
- Uh-uh, you want this black girl to look good on your air, you're gonna have to pay for her hair to be sewn in, curled up, and smoothed down on the edges.
I mean they choke every corner off that $5,000 invoice.
You're talking about edges, girl, it's time to go, come on.
- They're real.
- That's exactly why I'm self employed.
Bye, y'all.
Call me tomorrow.
Bye, girl.
It's never a good time when you start talking about your edges.
You know what, right.
I'm glad she's driving her home.
Drive safe.
Bye.
This was fun, I'm glad we got out.
Ooh don't forget tomorrow I have the stylist coming by.
Great connections with some key - brands so make sure you are there.
- MARY JANE: I'm on it.
Great brand, I'm telling you, you've got to be there, okay? Yes.
You know I, um, I forgot my coat.
You didn't come with a coat.
No I did well I, I mean I, I, I had it and then I left it in there, and now I gotta go back.
- I'll come back in with you.
- No, no, no, you stay.
Um, my Uber is five minutes away.
- I'm okay.
- Okay and text me and let me know you made it in safe.
- Text me.
- MARY JANE: I'll be fine.
Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low Drop that kitty down low Pop it like a pistol Make it clap Don't forget to look back Hats up, face down Give it to me Give it to me now Send me them pics And the videos Ooh she's so material Here we go, here we go I got a bad one Shake that If you got a fat one Pull it up And spill it out Pull it in your mouth, girl Cause she She not with me She the type of chick In a club every week Oh, work that Tell her to drop it To the ground And bring it back Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all I'm giving you a show You're that good I'm doing Drop that kitty down low - Thank you.
- Cheers.
- You're beautiful.
- Well you say that a lot.
- Is that a problem? - Not at all.
- I wanna come home with you.
Or you can come home with me.
I like what we do here.
Well when is the next time you're gonna be here? Mm, mm.
- At least tell me your name.
- Stop talking.
Money low You ain't worried About it, girl You got your own Independent Dropping to the ground - Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Drop that kitty down low Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all I'm giving you a show You like what I'm doing Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all - [knocks at door.]
Wow he's cute, even in person.
You ready to shop? We gotta get you fitted through the end of the month.
Prada wants ten more looks.
Voyeur wants to get you for Thursday night.
Zach Posen is asking to lock you down for Sweeps.
You ready? You have to stop asking stupid questions, of course I'm ready.
Wow she's angry.
- Ooh, Mr.
Thursday.
- Nosey.
the whole block done already read it.
Why you being so polite? It's a booty call.
Right.
I'm sending mixed signals.
See the only thing that's being mixed is seasonless prints, and I called that.
See it's all about your timing.
Late enough where you don't have to feed him, but not too late where you're yawning.
- Nobody wants to waste their gas on a lazy lay.
- Right.
- It's rude.
- Thanks.
- Invoice.
Though no one in the community recalls seeing the dog before, the popular pup's getting a lot of love now after saving a young boy from drowning.
He even received an honorary medal for his courage.
And while the local shelter has not yet said whether the animal will be put up for adoption, there's already a FaceBook account set up for interested families.
The dog worked its way into many American hearts after we first reported the story of this unlikely hero.
Something tells me that with credits like that, he won't have any trouble finding a loving home now.
Thank you for watching, and I hope to see you tomorrow.
For SNC, I'm Mary Jane Paul.
Goodnight.
And we're clear.
Thanks, everyone.
Good show.
Excellent show tonight.
[laughs.]
[laughs.]
By the way, this dress is my favorite of the week.
Oh the dress not the not the dog story? Come on, it was cute, Mary Jane.
Even I have a dog.
There is a demo for it, you know? Trust me.
Listen do you want to stay and go over some show ideas with me? Come on, really? I think, I think the show's going fine.
It's fine.
Right, what about your voice? They hear my voice every night.
Are you copping out on me now? I didn't write the dog story.
- KARA: Wow.
- That wasn't me.
KARA: Okay, all right.
I told you SNC has some new sponsorship.
- Now look if you - No, Kara, you look.
I'm just going with the flow, right? I'm just staying in my lane.
I'm enjoying the fact that you and I, we don't fight anymore.
And I'm loving oh all of the perks of just going with the flow.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, okay I mean I used to have a clothing allowance, that was fine.
But now that I'm playing nice, SNC's paying for a stylist.
Life is good.
I'm all right.
Okay.
And where you going? Don't worry about where I'm going.
No, no, no I saw some pictures on Gawker of you and the anchor Reg going out.
Nice, I guess you forgot to call me on that one, huh? No or maybe we knew what the answer would be.
- Where did my life go? - Prime time.
Look the stories, they're fine, okay? Go home.
- There's a snotty nose waiting for you.
- Yeah.
MARY JANE: See you tomorrow.
Argh! [moaning.]
- MARY JANE: I'm almost there.
- [moaning.]
MARY JANE: Trying to work something out back there, huh? Thought you forgot the safe word.
Is he choking me, what? You need to talk, babe? Huh? You need anything? Babe? I got 30 minutes, I can listen.
Uh, okay, um, oh.
Shi okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
I'm all right.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- - Just breathe.
Just breathe.
- [heavy breathing.]
- MARY JANE: I was up with him all night long.
- What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna get rid of your boo? He is not my boo, he is just someone I do.
I have my own issues to deal with.
Between my face and my family, it's too much.
And you know, seizures aren't sexy.
No they're no, no.
That's you shouldn't say that.
Any way, um.
Is that Mark? Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my, oh.
[gasps.]
- Oh my God, are you okay? - No, my blurred out penis is breaking the internet.
I'm sorry, baby.
I thought you said the club was safe.
It is, it is, I was the one that was sloppy in the parking lot kissing like a freakin' school girl.
Well this, this would, this would suggest it was, it was a little more than that.
Damn, Mary Jane, I can't believe this is happening.
Bright side, baby, you are very well endowed and it could have been cold out.
That's not funny, Mary Jane.
Maybe it will just blow over, you know, like passing gossip.
Look, look at Michael Sam, huh? Michael Sam.
I am not trying to make anyone's NFL roster.
Why, who, why, what the hell does he have to do with His story forced America to have the conversation.
What are you talking about? He was interviewed by Oprah so you know.
He was on the cover of "GQ" and, and "Sports Illustrated.
" Gay is the new black, honey.
You might as well embrace it.
You know what I'm trying to figure out what is the most offensive part about what you just said.
Thinking that Michael Sam and I are comparative in any way, or that gay is trendy.
Well it kind of is.
It is.
I'm merely suggesting it's not that big of a deal.
And, baby, blog news is not real news, okay? Mary Jane, gossip and public opinion is more powerful than truth these days.
Even you and I check TMZ and Twitter before the "New York Times," every single morning.
Hey, Mark, Greg's asking for you.
Not that big of a deal.
Listen, Mark, we respect you keeping your private life from interfering with your work.
Now it's our understanding these photographs were published without your approval.
So our legal team is doing everything that we can to get these images removed.
It appears you've done nothing wrong.
Now you have to understand that this information's already gotten out there.
It's gonna be hard to fight that.
But the good news is the public seems to be responding with support and sympathy for you.
And we want to do much the same.
Well, thank you.
Um, we think this is a great opportunity.
We can work together through this, it's a win-win.
Now you tell him, Jacob.
JACOB: Mr.
Bradley, Jacob, V.
P.
of Marketing.
- How are you? - We've been looking at the data, and if support stays this strong through the end of the day, we're thinking a three-day promotional campaign for your official comments and on-air coming out.
This will put you in a great position to start next week strong.
From there, we'll introduce the audience to a new segment within your show where we'll hand-pick lifestyle pieces that bridge LBGTQ issues and foreign policy.
You want to build a bridge? We want you to win, Mark.
Thank you, Jacob, thank you.
Okay with gay marriage still a topical issue, we want to use you more during our election coverage.
It will broaden your audience, you scope up your news cast, your salary.
Oh.
Oh wow.
I do foreign policy.
I am not interested in being the face of gay politics.
All I want to do is my international coverage, as planned, and my show.
Mark you knew when this information came out, that we couldn't risk sending you overseas.
What are you talking about, Greg? We have a planned series.
I am required to be on the ground in Syria and Nigeria.
I've been planning this for weeks, Greg.
You know this.
They are kidnapping and killing journalists left and right there, Mark.
The last thing that we need to do is to send a recently outted reporter in the middle of hostile territory.
I tell you what, I'll get a body guard.
I'll pay for it.
Hell I'll pay for everybody.
Additional insurance for myself, the crew, and all of the equipment, Greg.
Okay wait, wait, this isn't up for debate, Mark.
Sending you under these new conditions is not an option.
It's off the table.
Greg.
It's SNC's call.
You have some nerve You know what, Greg? If we can't have a sensible discussion about my upward mobility in this company and my international coverage I quit.
- GREG: Mark? - That's my call.
And you say policies like AB-60 and immigration reform cause those estimates to rise even further? Yes, exactly.
Well indirectly.
California now joins nine other states, Puerto Rico and D.
C.
in opening the application process to any resident, regardless of their legal status.
The facts are that a driver's license or new legal status for immigrants, won't make them eligible to vote overnight.
But the logic follows that they can win over support.
Over 24 million Hispanics are eligible to vote in this country.
And with large populations in Florida, Texas, and California, initiatives like this are a big factor.
Particularly in the swing states.
In Florida alone, we've seen the majority of Hispanics swing from being Republicans to Democrats in, in under a decade.
You know we've got to be very careful not to overstate that case.
At the end of the day, giving immigrants driver's licenses may save them from a few roadway fines, but it isn't a license to vote.
It isn't Federal identification, it isn't proof of citizenship.
What we're really talking about here, what we must honestly assess, is how much good this really does for anybody.
I mean other than government.
Government is really good at collecting fees for processing for renewals, for insurance, but that gets us away from the more important issues.
Can we talk about redistricting? Can we talk about even if you have the proper I.
D.
in some states, they're still targeting lower income and middle income voters? Can we talk about North Carolina, where they've cut the number of early voting days from 17 down to 10.
You can't tell me that these laws have anything to do with voter fraud.
I want to get back to what Antonio was saying, because flaws and all, the G.
O.
P.
has not given up trying to, to win over part of the Hispanic contingency, right? Right, right, no not, not at all.
Former Puerto Rican governor Luis G.
Fortuna is a member of the Republican National committee.
And he's been leading the charge and steering the conversation away from immigration reform.
Instead he encourages his candidates to focus on job creation and smaller government.
Issues that are important to Hispanic American voters.
Trading one distraction for another.
Well yeah, maybe yes.
It will take some time for the Latino voters to harness the power of their numbers.
But nevertheless there is power there.
Just so we're clear, this is just like the black vote.
It will be a political football at first, before it has any modicum of political power.
Now that's just the fact of the matter.
You present the false choice between either having them fight for you, or ignore you altogether, and there is no power in either of those things.
Wow, great debate.
My thanks to Antonio Casales, Goldie Taylor, and to you the viewers.
Please don't forget to register to vote.
The deadline is quickly approaching.
I hope to see you again tomorrow.
From SNC, I'm Mary Jane Paul.
Goodnight.
- Thanks, everyone, great show.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much, appreciate it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Ahem.
- Ooh.
- What happened? I thought we were gonna get into it like we used to do on talk back.
Welcome to prime time.
You know I get you, sis.
But we still need you, sis.
And we need you highlighting our issues.
Mark quit, did you hear? I'm sure he just said that in the heat of the moment.
He loves the network, and I know he loves his job so Well he certainly gave me a different impression in our meeting.
Look I just want to help him.
Help me help him.
I haven't talked to Mark so I don't know.
Yeah but you will.
And when you do, can you make sure that he knows that SNC wants him? Needs him.
Seriously, we can't afford to lose him.
With you moving from talk back, he's the strongest day time show we have.
Wow.
Really fighting for him.
Not as hard as I fought for you.
Maybe I misjudged the situation.
I mean I honestly didn't think you had my back.
I mean you're not exactly warm and fuzzy, Greg.
- Is this supposed to be an apology? - I thought that was in there? - Yeah, right.
- Point taken.
[laughs.]
I'm sorry, Greg.
[laughs.]
That took a lot out of you.
Look you're a tough woman, Mary Jane.
And I never underestimate that.
I count on you to win, and not expect to have a pat on the back every step of the way.
I do a lot of hand holding around here already.
You are the face of the network now.
With all the good and pressure that comes with it.
Embrace it.
- MARY JANE: Greg? - Yeah? Thank you.
See? White guys aren't so bad after all.
[laughs.]
[phone rings.]
What are you still doing here? Isn't it kind of late for you? Following up on some story leads.
They haven't found a place for me yet, so I'm just making sure they see my efforts.
Stay in the mix, you know? - Be seen.
- Mmm.
Yeah go home.
No brownie points here if you ain't got nothing to do.
You're still here.
Yes I am, because I'm needed.
Oh.
What do you have against me? I have done nothing to you.
No but you hurt us coming up in here through your little quota program.
I heard Antonio beg for you to get this job.
So you see, Marisol, that's not a win, that's a setback.
- How? - How? Because like you, Antonio got his air time because of a threat, not because he's qualified.
Perhaps we are qualified, we just don't get the opportunities.
Mmm.
Are you sure you didn't get your job because of a quota? Because the word on the street about you is that you are successful because you're a pretty decent producer they get for cheap.
Is that progress, you working up here like a dog for 14 plus hours a day for 65% of the pay? And you think prancing up here like a little freakin' chaquita banana to the boss is progress? Let me tell you something, baby girl, you want to impress here, you gotta use this.
Oh, you know what? Screw you.
Oh you've already done that.
And all my freakin' hard work, and all the years it took me to get here.
In fact you screwed all our Latino people who have busted their asses.
Okay, cause I'm sure you got a gardener or a maid in your background.
- You need to just - No you let me finish.
Cause you've also screwed all those little girls who look like us, and want to be us.
So do you want them to buy a book, or some crotch-less panties? Yeah make a choice, Marisol, all right? MARY JANE: You're trying to win, but you can't win by quitting.
You're just reacting, honey, and, and that's exactly what they want you to do.
Over-react.
Well they're not gonna send me overseas anymore.
They want to re-vamp my show again.
Oh this time let's make it more gay, whatever the hell that means.
Consider it, I did the whole black thing and it helped me.
I mean at the very least, it's a means to an end.
That's not what they're offering me.
I don't have a problem doing the whole all black thing.
But race and sexuality are not the same.
You know that I'm black without me saying a word, the minute I start talking about gay issues and gay stories, no one's listening to me.
They're thinking about my ass.
You wish they were thinking about your ass.
Really? I'm bearing my soul to you and you're making jokes? I'm sorry.
Why do you have to go right now, huh? You're talking about going to one of the most notoriously homophobic parts of the world, on the heels of coming out.
No, no, no, on the heels of being outed.
Semantics.
Honestly I'm worried about your safety.
I can't even wear a hoodie and walk down the street, or a college campus in any town U.
S.
A.
True.
But even the brothas in Bank Head ain't messing with Boko Haram, okay? [laughs.]
Honey please just pump the brakes on the helicopter and the flak jacket, and just talk to Greg, okay? Talk to Greg.
[sighs.]
- Remember that? - Our contract.
- MAN: Now listen, Ethel, I've tried to reason with you for the past two weeks.
Tried to be kind, but you wouldn't listen.
Now I'll tell you something.
I could make myself a piece of money out of that.
Here, take a look.
- ETHEL: Five thousand dollars.
- MAN: Sure I could cash in on this contract and I need the dough.
That's all I mean to you.
Dollars and cents.
I don't think I ever knew you until now.
The laugh's on me I guess.
You forget my part of the contract.
- Now you can collect.
- MAN: Well I'm glad you've decided Okay yeah, I can't.
I'm sorry.
I tried, I can't.
We gotta talk about the elephant in the room.
Yeah I was kinda hoping we could pretend that didn't happen.
Seizures are nothing to play with, Brandon.
Look they just started two months ago.
And I'm trying to make a team.
Okay.
I have a physical next week, and if they find out, man, damn.
All I have is football.
You can go back to school.
That's what everybody says that never played pro.
Oh please, there are so many things that you could do.
Like what? Huh? I'm out of here.
Well text me when you get home so I know you made it.
Cool.
I mean I like him but I'm not like invested in him.
Huh? I can't deal with his life and his issues, it's too much, you know what I mean? - Jason hooked this up.
- I know, right? He's so good.
It's nice to finally get some perks.
And look, if you're looking for permission to dump him, you have it.
It's like I know too much about him.
The mystery's gone.
Then let him go.
I mean you don't have to get dramatic to make excuses as to why you wanna keep having sex with a white boy you done found at the club.
I'm not embarrassed by him, it's just different for me.
It's 2015, Mary Jane.
I know.
It is still new to me.
Have you ever been with a white boy? - Girl yeah.
- When? During my experimental phase.
Wait hold on, I never saw any reason to venture back to the bologna pony either.
Oh okay.
Well for the record, I have not had sex with a white boy yet, I just, I just let him feel me up.
And why not? Because I just had sex with Cuddy this week.
And if I let the other guy do more than feel me up, I'm a hoe.
Absolutely not, you're grown is what you are.
Do what you wanna do.
Okay so what's, what's the hoe threshold? How much sex and blow jobs and, and feel me ups am I allowed before I'm officially a hoe? See that's the thing, all of our math is different, so that - makes our judgments different.
- Oh geez.
Okay so, um, you're queen for the day.
Make an international hoe off.
Okay well all right, well if your partner count is in the single digits, then you're practically a virgin.
Okay so I'm not a virgin.
- Continue.
- [laughs.]
All right, all right well, um, let's see.
Um, how about, um, three sucks equals one smash.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm just saying.
So if a woman gives head to, to 12 guys, she's no more hoe than the woman who sleeps with 4 different men? Okay damn you and the math, but more or less.
Eww, I'm a little bit more judicious about who I give the whole enchilada to but I have, child, given my fair show of blow jobs.
- I like them.
- Mmm.
- Kill me, I like them.
No it's all right, just don't drink off my glass.
I'm just saying.
But you know, live it, be proud about it.
I am, that's why I told you.
I'm not gonna InstaGram it.
No but you got to live that thing.
I mean if it's something that you love to do, and you're obviously good at it, then you just, I mean you're not married, so why not? You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.
- And hell, the longer we stay single, and we keep having sex, somebody is gonna call us a hoe anyway.
And I do like sex.
Yes, child, yes, child.
- Yes, yes.
- Two snaps for sex.
I love sex too and that's why you got me over here.
Cause I can validate your wretched, your wretchedness, your wretched.
MARY JANE: Guilty.
- Get myself on that team.
- Guilty.
But you know what? Being single is so tricky, you know what I mean? You, you go for it.
Oh I've gone for it.
You go on a date, you like them.
You, you, you, you finally after debating with yourself how long you should wait, you have sex with him.
And then it's eh.
Or you're like me and you freakin' used to skip over the, the whole over-thinking thing, and you go straight to the sex with him.
And he blows your freakin' mind, and you're like oh my God, this is a sign.
You try to turn it into love.
And then he starts treating you like eh, and then your numbers begin to multiple.
And you're like now I'm onto the next one.
Now how did I get to ten guys in the last six months? It just gets away from you, doesn't it? - Yeah it gets away from you.
- It just gets away from you.
Okay, okay, so, so okay I just, I just had a thought.
I think you should be able to reset your hoe button if you make it to 35 and you've never been married.
Ooh I like where you're going with that, cause it kinda, it kinda evens the playing field.
Yes.
Cause I know way too many hoes that get to reset their hoe button when somebody publicly claims their butt.
Uh-huh, and then they pop out a baby, and cue the angels.
Because now they are born again.
First at the alter.
I know what you and your vagina have been doing.
You tried to turn that thing inside out.
I know, you's a hoe.
You's a hoe.
You a hoe with a baby shower, you're still a hoe.
What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? But now can you wear white? [laughs.]
You can't wear white.
Okay, queen of international hoe-lam.
If you got a reset, would you still be a hoe? Let's see, my fingers, my toes, your fingers, your toes times five.
Yes, completely, I'm a hoe.
You's a hoe.
- That's all right, I'm proud of it.
- Good.
- That's all right, yes.
- I miss you.
Thank you for coming to check on me.
I miss you too, pumpkin, that's why I'm here.
So just take advantage of the fact that they think most black women can't do anything right, mm-kay? And go ahead and I say be wrong.
Be strong and wrong.
MARK: The mounting intolerance towards Muslims only perpetuates radicalism.
And this rhetoric about Islamisation of the west is what we agreed needed a fresh voice.
From Isis to Isil, Boko Haram to Al-Qaeda, people don't know the difference.
For most folk, they're all just Islamic extremists.
We're supposed to be dedicated to informing the public, and this series is a key part of doing that.
- GREG: Mark I can't.
- MARK: If I get killed over there, that will be good for ratings, right? The point is, is that they said no.
They're not willing to take on the liability, plain and simple.
- They didn't make a counter.
- Said they'll send me to Cleveland, to the Republic of National Convention Institute.
Can you believe that? You know my dignity calls for more than they can afford.
I'm not a ratings boy.
I used to be so excited to go to work, to inform audiences about topics that nobody else would cover.
Getting kids excited about maps, you know? MARY JANE: Nobody's excited about maps.
I don't know, the hell with it.
I'm just gonna do it.
I'm gonna hire my own team, I'm just gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure there's plenty of journalists over there doing things independently.
What are you saying? I'm saying I'm gonna fly to Nigeria.
We land in Lagos and then we move inland from there.
You're serious? There's nothing tying me down here.
You're not gonna high-five me or encourage me, nothing? - Do you really think it's, it's worth it? - Yes.
Trying to save the world, it's worth it to you? Yes, is it not to you? I just think it's time to live a little and stop fighting.
You know leave it to the next crop of journalists.
What's going on with you? Like a week ago you'd have been with me rioting in the streets.
Have they gotten to you already? Like I know you're prime time, but you know better than anyone else that they're not letting us be real journalists.
We're puppets, Mary Jane.
Yeah well-paid puppets, and? I'm a B-list celebrity and I like it, I love it.
And you know why? People don't care about the truth.
Audiences are half asleep and I am exhausted.
I could tell those idiots I have the, the cure for cancer, they want to know about a Kardashian.
So why keep fighting a losing battle, huh? Ever since I joined prime time, I, I stress less and I sleep more.
So why not enjoy the perks? The accolades, the people finally catering to me for once.
Don't you think we deserve that now? - At the cost of maps, no.
- Oh geez.
Okay, okay, well fine, Mark, fine.
I may be a sell-out but I'm, I'm finally getting what I want, so Wow.
I guess it's the difference between me and you, Mary Jane.
I'm not gonna give up, and I'm not gonna sell out.
- MAN2: Welcome back.
- Thanks, uh, let's see, can I get a medium body Pinot Noir, whatever you suggest.
Of course.
Membership card please.
Right.
As a reminder, there is no use of cell phones or photography.
Of course.
Great show last night.
What? Why'd you do that? I wanted to know.
Well you ruined it.
Maybe, we'll see.
Martini, please.
Rock 'n' roll
" What organization are you with again? National Council Of La Russa.
We just want to make sure everyone has a seat at the table.
And by everyone, you mean Latin people.
Did I miss the memo about the meeting? No, no, Marisol was simply telling me her ideas.
Was she now? It's my show, it's my audience.
No, it's SNC's show, and it's SNC's audience.
Are you ready for prime time, Mary Jane? Yeah, I am ready for prime time and I'm happy to announce that you won't have to wait much longer.
I'll be back on the air on Monday.
What you are is a pain in my ass.
How you doing? You've been going through a lot lately so I'm just checking on you.
MARY JANE: Do you know that football player I told you about? Yeah.
You like him for the sex.
Let him be your little scratch for the itch, okay? Since we worked hard, you ready to play? Want to go get some drinks? Gosh I wish, I wish but you know now that I've moved back in with John and the kids, I got some stuff to do.
MARY JANE: My girlfriend was supposed to join me but she just flaked.
Well mind if I keep you company? Not at all.
- [laughs.]
- Well you know he's skinny, right? And you know what they say about the skinny brothas.
- They be packing.
- [laughs.]
Well he does love the sistas, because when I interviewed him, I caught him looking.
Do not lie on him.
- I'm not lying.
- [laughs.]
But I will say, I do love his little smoker lips.
And that walk.
Girl, he walk more gangsta than pudding.
I'm just saying.
- Putin.
- Putin.
I call him pudding.
- Yeah he could be your pudding, honey.
- That's right.
You know what though? A girl can dream, but pump the brakes.
Team Michelle all day, all day, all day everyday.
I'm with you, I'm with you.
But I'm gonna put this on the record, ladies, okay? If he puts me on Air Force One, I'm gonna have to slip on my Air Force Ones to get a good grip to handle all that, uh, turbulence.
WOMAN2: That's gonna take you nowhere.
I hope the first lady whoops your ass.
I hope she whoops your ass.
[laughs.]
This A minus on President Obama's report card is more than justified.
job creation in this century.
See stalkers are officially now a hazard of the business.
And I know we have all had one.
The last one I had, girl, he would pretend like he was my assistant and pick up my cleaning.
But all he wanted to do was pee on my underwear and leave them at my front door.
Eww.
- He was white though, huh? - Yep.
Otherwise they would not have let his ass pick up your dry cleaning.
Yeah, brothas can't get a break.
Topping off the night, Boko Haram has struck again.
This lime launching a rocket attack on the Nigerian town of Boga.
This news is coming on the heels of the Nigerian military's claim that they had just recaptured the small town.
No, no no absolutely not.
I am not gonna give some broke ass dude a pre-nup in order to just be married.
- That's crazy.
- But why not? I mean instead of dodging pre-nups, perhaps we successful sistas need to be handing them out.
We just need to re-think this.
Are we really talking about legislating love? Yes.
Because the institution of marriage is in constant flux, baby.
We have to redefine it, that's all I'm saying.
I'm coming around to what she is saying.
- That's because you're drunk.
- No I'm not.
- I've been drinking that water.
- [laughs.]
It's the courage water, leave her alone.
Courage water, yeah you've been drinking too much of that courage water, girl.
And who you looking around for? Uh huh, uh huh.
Uhh.
- I'm looking, hall monitor.
- [laughs.]
Okay, Robin, I'm sorry, you were about to say something crazy.
Go ahead, baby girl.
Seriously though, Mary Jane, even you said that you and your cuddy buddy have a great relationship.
- Very open and honest.
- Yes.
Some of your best communication.
Um, that's because she doesn't want him.
It's easy to be open, and loving, and fun when all you want is that itch scratched.
- ROBIN: Oh.
- True, true, true.
Turn the tables and the microphone.
[laughs.]
I've never been fond of the term "America eats its young," but when the house proposes cutting 759 billion over 8 years that will affect education, job training, and public safety, not to mention freeze the maximum Pell grant for the next decade.
Well I hate to say it but gobble, gobble.
I like this place.
You're gonna have to help me get a membership.
Oh no problem.
It's sexy, right? Well it's a little ol' melanin for me.
But hey speak for yourself.
- I was.
- Bye.
Bye.
No, no, you should not be paying for that.
- What are you doing? - I didn't even know to ask.
See I had my agent negotiate it in my contract and they don't cover it all.
- But now I get an allowance.
- Uh-uh, you want this black girl to look good on your air, you're gonna have to pay for her hair to be sewn in, curled up, and smoothed down on the edges.
I mean they choke every corner off that $5,000 invoice.
You're talking about edges, girl, it's time to go, come on.
- They're real.
- That's exactly why I'm self employed.
Bye, y'all.
Call me tomorrow.
Bye, girl.
It's never a good time when you start talking about your edges.
You know what, right.
I'm glad she's driving her home.
Drive safe.
Bye.
This was fun, I'm glad we got out.
Ooh don't forget tomorrow I have the stylist coming by.
Great connections with some key - brands so make sure you are there.
- MARY JANE: I'm on it.
Great brand, I'm telling you, you've got to be there, okay? Yes.
You know I, um, I forgot my coat.
You didn't come with a coat.
No I did well I, I mean I, I, I had it and then I left it in there, and now I gotta go back.
- I'll come back in with you.
- No, no, no, you stay.
Um, my Uber is five minutes away.
- I'm okay.
- Okay and text me and let me know you made it in safe.
- Text me.
- MARY JANE: I'll be fine.
Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low Drop that kitty down low Pop it like a pistol Make it clap Don't forget to look back Hats up, face down Give it to me Give it to me now Send me them pics And the videos Ooh she's so material Here we go, here we go I got a bad one Shake that If you got a fat one Pull it up And spill it out Pull it in your mouth, girl Cause she She not with me She the type of chick In a club every week Oh, work that Tell her to drop it To the ground And bring it back Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all I'm giving you a show You're that good I'm doing Drop that kitty down low - Thank you.
- Cheers.
- You're beautiful.
- Well you say that a lot.
- Is that a problem? - Not at all.
- I wanna come home with you.
Or you can come home with me.
I like what we do here.
Well when is the next time you're gonna be here? Mm, mm.
- At least tell me your name.
- Stop talking.
Money low You ain't worried About it, girl You got your own Independent Dropping to the ground - Drop that kitty down low Pop that kitty down low Shove that like a window I'm gonna make you explode Drop that kitty down low Take that video phone Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all I'm giving you a show You like what I'm doing Drop that kitty down low I know you want it all - [knocks at door.]
Wow he's cute, even in person.
You ready to shop? We gotta get you fitted through the end of the month.
Prada wants ten more looks.
Voyeur wants to get you for Thursday night.
Zach Posen is asking to lock you down for Sweeps.
You ready? You have to stop asking stupid questions, of course I'm ready.
Wow she's angry.
- Ooh, Mr.
Thursday.
- Nosey.
the whole block done already read it.
Why you being so polite? It's a booty call.
Right.
I'm sending mixed signals.
See the only thing that's being mixed is seasonless prints, and I called that.
See it's all about your timing.
Late enough where you don't have to feed him, but not too late where you're yawning.
- Nobody wants to waste their gas on a lazy lay.
- Right.
- It's rude.
- Thanks.
- Invoice.
Though no one in the community recalls seeing the dog before, the popular pup's getting a lot of love now after saving a young boy from drowning.
He even received an honorary medal for his courage.
And while the local shelter has not yet said whether the animal will be put up for adoption, there's already a FaceBook account set up for interested families.
The dog worked its way into many American hearts after we first reported the story of this unlikely hero.
Something tells me that with credits like that, he won't have any trouble finding a loving home now.
Thank you for watching, and I hope to see you tomorrow.
For SNC, I'm Mary Jane Paul.
Goodnight.
And we're clear.
Thanks, everyone.
Good show.
Excellent show tonight.
[laughs.]
[laughs.]
By the way, this dress is my favorite of the week.
Oh the dress not the not the dog story? Come on, it was cute, Mary Jane.
Even I have a dog.
There is a demo for it, you know? Trust me.
Listen do you want to stay and go over some show ideas with me? Come on, really? I think, I think the show's going fine.
It's fine.
Right, what about your voice? They hear my voice every night.
Are you copping out on me now? I didn't write the dog story.
- KARA: Wow.
- That wasn't me.
KARA: Okay, all right.
I told you SNC has some new sponsorship.
- Now look if you - No, Kara, you look.
I'm just going with the flow, right? I'm just staying in my lane.
I'm enjoying the fact that you and I, we don't fight anymore.
And I'm loving oh all of the perks of just going with the flow.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, okay I mean I used to have a clothing allowance, that was fine.
But now that I'm playing nice, SNC's paying for a stylist.
Life is good.
I'm all right.
Okay.
And where you going? Don't worry about where I'm going.
No, no, no I saw some pictures on Gawker of you and the anchor Reg going out.
Nice, I guess you forgot to call me on that one, huh? No or maybe we knew what the answer would be.
- Where did my life go? - Prime time.
Look the stories, they're fine, okay? Go home.
- There's a snotty nose waiting for you.
- Yeah.
MARY JANE: See you tomorrow.
Argh! [moaning.]
- MARY JANE: I'm almost there.
- [moaning.]
MARY JANE: Trying to work something out back there, huh? Thought you forgot the safe word.
Is he choking me, what? You need to talk, babe? Huh? You need anything? Babe? I got 30 minutes, I can listen.
Uh, okay, um, oh.
Shi okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
I'm all right.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- - Just breathe.
Just breathe.
- [heavy breathing.]
- MARY JANE: I was up with him all night long.
- What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna get rid of your boo? He is not my boo, he is just someone I do.
I have my own issues to deal with.
Between my face and my family, it's too much.
And you know, seizures aren't sexy.
No they're no, no.
That's you shouldn't say that.
Any way, um.
Is that Mark? Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my, oh.
[gasps.]
- Oh my God, are you okay? - No, my blurred out penis is breaking the internet.
I'm sorry, baby.
I thought you said the club was safe.
It is, it is, I was the one that was sloppy in the parking lot kissing like a freakin' school girl.
Well this, this would, this would suggest it was, it was a little more than that.
Damn, Mary Jane, I can't believe this is happening.
Bright side, baby, you are very well endowed and it could have been cold out.
That's not funny, Mary Jane.
Maybe it will just blow over, you know, like passing gossip.
Look, look at Michael Sam, huh? Michael Sam.
I am not trying to make anyone's NFL roster.
Why, who, why, what the hell does he have to do with His story forced America to have the conversation.
What are you talking about? He was interviewed by Oprah so you know.
He was on the cover of "GQ" and, and "Sports Illustrated.
" Gay is the new black, honey.
You might as well embrace it.
You know what I'm trying to figure out what is the most offensive part about what you just said.
Thinking that Michael Sam and I are comparative in any way, or that gay is trendy.
Well it kind of is.
It is.
I'm merely suggesting it's not that big of a deal.
And, baby, blog news is not real news, okay? Mary Jane, gossip and public opinion is more powerful than truth these days.
Even you and I check TMZ and Twitter before the "New York Times," every single morning.
Hey, Mark, Greg's asking for you.
Not that big of a deal.
Listen, Mark, we respect you keeping your private life from interfering with your work.
Now it's our understanding these photographs were published without your approval.
So our legal team is doing everything that we can to get these images removed.
It appears you've done nothing wrong.
Now you have to understand that this information's already gotten out there.
It's gonna be hard to fight that.
But the good news is the public seems to be responding with support and sympathy for you.
And we want to do much the same.
Well, thank you.
Um, we think this is a great opportunity.
We can work together through this, it's a win-win.
Now you tell him, Jacob.
JACOB: Mr.
Bradley, Jacob, V.
P.
of Marketing.
- How are you? - We've been looking at the data, and if support stays this strong through the end of the day, we're thinking a three-day promotional campaign for your official comments and on-air coming out.
This will put you in a great position to start next week strong.
From there, we'll introduce the audience to a new segment within your show where we'll hand-pick lifestyle pieces that bridge LBGTQ issues and foreign policy.
You want to build a bridge? We want you to win, Mark.
Thank you, Jacob, thank you.
Okay with gay marriage still a topical issue, we want to use you more during our election coverage.
It will broaden your audience, you scope up your news cast, your salary.
Oh.
Oh wow.
I do foreign policy.
I am not interested in being the face of gay politics.
All I want to do is my international coverage, as planned, and my show.
Mark you knew when this information came out, that we couldn't risk sending you overseas.
What are you talking about, Greg? We have a planned series.
I am required to be on the ground in Syria and Nigeria.
I've been planning this for weeks, Greg.
You know this.
They are kidnapping and killing journalists left and right there, Mark.
The last thing that we need to do is to send a recently outted reporter in the middle of hostile territory.
I tell you what, I'll get a body guard.
I'll pay for it.
Hell I'll pay for everybody.
Additional insurance for myself, the crew, and all of the equipment, Greg.
Okay wait, wait, this isn't up for debate, Mark.
Sending you under these new conditions is not an option.
It's off the table.
Greg.
It's SNC's call.
You have some nerve You know what, Greg? If we can't have a sensible discussion about my upward mobility in this company and my international coverage I quit.
- GREG: Mark? - That's my call.
And you say policies like AB-60 and immigration reform cause those estimates to rise even further? Yes, exactly.
Well indirectly.
California now joins nine other states, Puerto Rico and D.
C.
in opening the application process to any resident, regardless of their legal status.
The facts are that a driver's license or new legal status for immigrants, won't make them eligible to vote overnight.
But the logic follows that they can win over support.
Over 24 million Hispanics are eligible to vote in this country.
And with large populations in Florida, Texas, and California, initiatives like this are a big factor.
Particularly in the swing states.
In Florida alone, we've seen the majority of Hispanics swing from being Republicans to Democrats in, in under a decade.
You know we've got to be very careful not to overstate that case.
At the end of the day, giving immigrants driver's licenses may save them from a few roadway fines, but it isn't a license to vote.
It isn't Federal identification, it isn't proof of citizenship.
What we're really talking about here, what we must honestly assess, is how much good this really does for anybody.
I mean other than government.
Government is really good at collecting fees for processing for renewals, for insurance, but that gets us away from the more important issues.
Can we talk about redistricting? Can we talk about even if you have the proper I.
D.
in some states, they're still targeting lower income and middle income voters? Can we talk about North Carolina, where they've cut the number of early voting days from 17 down to 10.
You can't tell me that these laws have anything to do with voter fraud.
I want to get back to what Antonio was saying, because flaws and all, the G.
O.
P.
has not given up trying to, to win over part of the Hispanic contingency, right? Right, right, no not, not at all.
Former Puerto Rican governor Luis G.
Fortuna is a member of the Republican National committee.
And he's been leading the charge and steering the conversation away from immigration reform.
Instead he encourages his candidates to focus on job creation and smaller government.
Issues that are important to Hispanic American voters.
Trading one distraction for another.
Well yeah, maybe yes.
It will take some time for the Latino voters to harness the power of their numbers.
But nevertheless there is power there.
Just so we're clear, this is just like the black vote.
It will be a political football at first, before it has any modicum of political power.
Now that's just the fact of the matter.
You present the false choice between either having them fight for you, or ignore you altogether, and there is no power in either of those things.
Wow, great debate.
My thanks to Antonio Casales, Goldie Taylor, and to you the viewers.
Please don't forget to register to vote.
The deadline is quickly approaching.
I hope to see you again tomorrow.
From SNC, I'm Mary Jane Paul.
Goodnight.
- Thanks, everyone, great show.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much, appreciate it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Ahem.
- Ooh.
- What happened? I thought we were gonna get into it like we used to do on talk back.
Welcome to prime time.
You know I get you, sis.
But we still need you, sis.
And we need you highlighting our issues.
Mark quit, did you hear? I'm sure he just said that in the heat of the moment.
He loves the network, and I know he loves his job so Well he certainly gave me a different impression in our meeting.
Look I just want to help him.
Help me help him.
I haven't talked to Mark so I don't know.
Yeah but you will.
And when you do, can you make sure that he knows that SNC wants him? Needs him.
Seriously, we can't afford to lose him.
With you moving from talk back, he's the strongest day time show we have.
Wow.
Really fighting for him.
Not as hard as I fought for you.
Maybe I misjudged the situation.
I mean I honestly didn't think you had my back.
I mean you're not exactly warm and fuzzy, Greg.
- Is this supposed to be an apology? - I thought that was in there? - Yeah, right.
- Point taken.
[laughs.]
I'm sorry, Greg.
[laughs.]
That took a lot out of you.
Look you're a tough woman, Mary Jane.
And I never underestimate that.
I count on you to win, and not expect to have a pat on the back every step of the way.
I do a lot of hand holding around here already.
You are the face of the network now.
With all the good and pressure that comes with it.
Embrace it.
- MARY JANE: Greg? - Yeah? Thank you.
See? White guys aren't so bad after all.
[laughs.]
[phone rings.]
What are you still doing here? Isn't it kind of late for you? Following up on some story leads.
They haven't found a place for me yet, so I'm just making sure they see my efforts.
Stay in the mix, you know? - Be seen.
- Mmm.
Yeah go home.
No brownie points here if you ain't got nothing to do.
You're still here.
Yes I am, because I'm needed.
Oh.
What do you have against me? I have done nothing to you.
No but you hurt us coming up in here through your little quota program.
I heard Antonio beg for you to get this job.
So you see, Marisol, that's not a win, that's a setback.
- How? - How? Because like you, Antonio got his air time because of a threat, not because he's qualified.
Perhaps we are qualified, we just don't get the opportunities.
Mmm.
Are you sure you didn't get your job because of a quota? Because the word on the street about you is that you are successful because you're a pretty decent producer they get for cheap.
Is that progress, you working up here like a dog for 14 plus hours a day for 65% of the pay? And you think prancing up here like a little freakin' chaquita banana to the boss is progress? Let me tell you something, baby girl, you want to impress here, you gotta use this.
Oh, you know what? Screw you.
Oh you've already done that.
And all my freakin' hard work, and all the years it took me to get here.
In fact you screwed all our Latino people who have busted their asses.
Okay, cause I'm sure you got a gardener or a maid in your background.
- You need to just - No you let me finish.
Cause you've also screwed all those little girls who look like us, and want to be us.
So do you want them to buy a book, or some crotch-less panties? Yeah make a choice, Marisol, all right? MARY JANE: You're trying to win, but you can't win by quitting.
You're just reacting, honey, and, and that's exactly what they want you to do.
Over-react.
Well they're not gonna send me overseas anymore.
They want to re-vamp my show again.
Oh this time let's make it more gay, whatever the hell that means.
Consider it, I did the whole black thing and it helped me.
I mean at the very least, it's a means to an end.
That's not what they're offering me.
I don't have a problem doing the whole all black thing.
But race and sexuality are not the same.
You know that I'm black without me saying a word, the minute I start talking about gay issues and gay stories, no one's listening to me.
They're thinking about my ass.
You wish they were thinking about your ass.
Really? I'm bearing my soul to you and you're making jokes? I'm sorry.
Why do you have to go right now, huh? You're talking about going to one of the most notoriously homophobic parts of the world, on the heels of coming out.
No, no, no, on the heels of being outed.
Semantics.
Honestly I'm worried about your safety.
I can't even wear a hoodie and walk down the street, or a college campus in any town U.
S.
A.
True.
But even the brothas in Bank Head ain't messing with Boko Haram, okay? [laughs.]
Honey please just pump the brakes on the helicopter and the flak jacket, and just talk to Greg, okay? Talk to Greg.
[sighs.]
- Remember that? - Our contract.
- MAN: Now listen, Ethel, I've tried to reason with you for the past two weeks.
Tried to be kind, but you wouldn't listen.
Now I'll tell you something.
I could make myself a piece of money out of that.
Here, take a look.
- ETHEL: Five thousand dollars.
- MAN: Sure I could cash in on this contract and I need the dough.
That's all I mean to you.
Dollars and cents.
I don't think I ever knew you until now.
The laugh's on me I guess.
You forget my part of the contract.
- Now you can collect.
- MAN: Well I'm glad you've decided Okay yeah, I can't.
I'm sorry.
I tried, I can't.
We gotta talk about the elephant in the room.
Yeah I was kinda hoping we could pretend that didn't happen.
Seizures are nothing to play with, Brandon.
Look they just started two months ago.
And I'm trying to make a team.
Okay.
I have a physical next week, and if they find out, man, damn.
All I have is football.
You can go back to school.
That's what everybody says that never played pro.
Oh please, there are so many things that you could do.
Like what? Huh? I'm out of here.
Well text me when you get home so I know you made it.
Cool.
I mean I like him but I'm not like invested in him.
Huh? I can't deal with his life and his issues, it's too much, you know what I mean? - Jason hooked this up.
- I know, right? He's so good.
It's nice to finally get some perks.
And look, if you're looking for permission to dump him, you have it.
It's like I know too much about him.
The mystery's gone.
Then let him go.
I mean you don't have to get dramatic to make excuses as to why you wanna keep having sex with a white boy you done found at the club.
I'm not embarrassed by him, it's just different for me.
It's 2015, Mary Jane.
I know.
It is still new to me.
Have you ever been with a white boy? - Girl yeah.
- When? During my experimental phase.
Wait hold on, I never saw any reason to venture back to the bologna pony either.
Oh okay.
Well for the record, I have not had sex with a white boy yet, I just, I just let him feel me up.
And why not? Because I just had sex with Cuddy this week.
And if I let the other guy do more than feel me up, I'm a hoe.
Absolutely not, you're grown is what you are.
Do what you wanna do.
Okay so what's, what's the hoe threshold? How much sex and blow jobs and, and feel me ups am I allowed before I'm officially a hoe? See that's the thing, all of our math is different, so that - makes our judgments different.
- Oh geez.
Okay so, um, you're queen for the day.
Make an international hoe off.
Okay well all right, well if your partner count is in the single digits, then you're practically a virgin.
Okay so I'm not a virgin.
- Continue.
- [laughs.]
All right, all right well, um, let's see.
Um, how about, um, three sucks equals one smash.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm just saying.
So if a woman gives head to, to 12 guys, she's no more hoe than the woman who sleeps with 4 different men? Okay damn you and the math, but more or less.
Eww, I'm a little bit more judicious about who I give the whole enchilada to but I have, child, given my fair show of blow jobs.
- I like them.
- Mmm.
- Kill me, I like them.
No it's all right, just don't drink off my glass.
I'm just saying.
But you know, live it, be proud about it.
I am, that's why I told you.
I'm not gonna InstaGram it.
No but you got to live that thing.
I mean if it's something that you love to do, and you're obviously good at it, then you just, I mean you're not married, so why not? You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.
- And hell, the longer we stay single, and we keep having sex, somebody is gonna call us a hoe anyway.
And I do like sex.
Yes, child, yes, child.
- Yes, yes.
- Two snaps for sex.
I love sex too and that's why you got me over here.
Cause I can validate your wretched, your wretchedness, your wretched.
MARY JANE: Guilty.
- Get myself on that team.
- Guilty.
But you know what? Being single is so tricky, you know what I mean? You, you go for it.
Oh I've gone for it.
You go on a date, you like them.
You, you, you, you finally after debating with yourself how long you should wait, you have sex with him.
And then it's eh.
Or you're like me and you freakin' used to skip over the, the whole over-thinking thing, and you go straight to the sex with him.
And he blows your freakin' mind, and you're like oh my God, this is a sign.
You try to turn it into love.
And then he starts treating you like eh, and then your numbers begin to multiple.
And you're like now I'm onto the next one.
Now how did I get to ten guys in the last six months? It just gets away from you, doesn't it? - Yeah it gets away from you.
- It just gets away from you.
Okay, okay, so, so okay I just, I just had a thought.
I think you should be able to reset your hoe button if you make it to 35 and you've never been married.
Ooh I like where you're going with that, cause it kinda, it kinda evens the playing field.
Yes.
Cause I know way too many hoes that get to reset their hoe button when somebody publicly claims their butt.
Uh-huh, and then they pop out a baby, and cue the angels.
Because now they are born again.
First at the alter.
I know what you and your vagina have been doing.
You tried to turn that thing inside out.
I know, you's a hoe.
You's a hoe.
You a hoe with a baby shower, you're still a hoe.
What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? But now can you wear white? [laughs.]
You can't wear white.
Okay, queen of international hoe-lam.
If you got a reset, would you still be a hoe? Let's see, my fingers, my toes, your fingers, your toes times five.
Yes, completely, I'm a hoe.
You's a hoe.
- That's all right, I'm proud of it.
- Good.
- That's all right, yes.
- I miss you.
Thank you for coming to check on me.
I miss you too, pumpkin, that's why I'm here.
So just take advantage of the fact that they think most black women can't do anything right, mm-kay? And go ahead and I say be wrong.
Be strong and wrong.
MARK: The mounting intolerance towards Muslims only perpetuates radicalism.
And this rhetoric about Islamisation of the west is what we agreed needed a fresh voice.
From Isis to Isil, Boko Haram to Al-Qaeda, people don't know the difference.
For most folk, they're all just Islamic extremists.
We're supposed to be dedicated to informing the public, and this series is a key part of doing that.
- GREG: Mark I can't.
- MARK: If I get killed over there, that will be good for ratings, right? The point is, is that they said no.
They're not willing to take on the liability, plain and simple.
- They didn't make a counter.
- Said they'll send me to Cleveland, to the Republic of National Convention Institute.
Can you believe that? You know my dignity calls for more than they can afford.
I'm not a ratings boy.
I used to be so excited to go to work, to inform audiences about topics that nobody else would cover.
Getting kids excited about maps, you know? MARY JANE: Nobody's excited about maps.
I don't know, the hell with it.
I'm just gonna do it.
I'm gonna hire my own team, I'm just gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure there's plenty of journalists over there doing things independently.
What are you saying? I'm saying I'm gonna fly to Nigeria.
We land in Lagos and then we move inland from there.
You're serious? There's nothing tying me down here.
You're not gonna high-five me or encourage me, nothing? - Do you really think it's, it's worth it? - Yes.
Trying to save the world, it's worth it to you? Yes, is it not to you? I just think it's time to live a little and stop fighting.
You know leave it to the next crop of journalists.
What's going on with you? Like a week ago you'd have been with me rioting in the streets.
Have they gotten to you already? Like I know you're prime time, but you know better than anyone else that they're not letting us be real journalists.
We're puppets, Mary Jane.
Yeah well-paid puppets, and? I'm a B-list celebrity and I like it, I love it.
And you know why? People don't care about the truth.
Audiences are half asleep and I am exhausted.
I could tell those idiots I have the, the cure for cancer, they want to know about a Kardashian.
So why keep fighting a losing battle, huh? Ever since I joined prime time, I, I stress less and I sleep more.
So why not enjoy the perks? The accolades, the people finally catering to me for once.
Don't you think we deserve that now? - At the cost of maps, no.
- Oh geez.
Okay, okay, well fine, Mark, fine.
I may be a sell-out but I'm, I'm finally getting what I want, so Wow.
I guess it's the difference between me and you, Mary Jane.
I'm not gonna give up, and I'm not gonna sell out.
- MAN2: Welcome back.
- Thanks, uh, let's see, can I get a medium body Pinot Noir, whatever you suggest.
Of course.
Membership card please.
Right.
As a reminder, there is no use of cell phones or photography.
Of course.
Great show last night.
What? Why'd you do that? I wanted to know.
Well you ruined it.
Maybe, we'll see.
Martini, please.
Rock 'n' roll