Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e06 Episode Script
Band Candy
"And on that tragic day,|an era came to its inevitable end.
" - That's all there is.
Are you ready?|- Hit me.
"Which best expresses the theme of the|passage? A: Violence breeds violence?" "B: All things must end? C" B.
I'm going with B.
|We haven't had a B in for ever.
This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots.
Pay attention.
A low score could harm|your chances of getting into college.
That takes the pressure right off.
It isn't meant to be easy.
It's a rite of passage.
Is it too late to join a tribe where they just|pierce something or cut something off? Buffy, please concentrate.
- Roll.
|- What? I broke my number two pencil.
|We'll have to do this again sometime.
"C: All systems tend towards chaos.
" I just know that us and the undead are the|only people in Sunnydale working this late.
I appreciate you coming.
I realise it is early - for you - but I think you'll agree that|this matter is urgent, also delicate.
- I'm a very delicate person.
|- So you feel you can handle this? It's a little out of my element,|but I can get you what you need.
I know a beast who knows a guy.
Are you sure that subcontracting|is the way to go here? This guy's worked your town before, and if he lives up to his rep,|this place'll be in flames.
I've made certain deals to get where I am|today.
This demon requires his tribute.
You see, that's what separates me|from other politicians, Mr Trick.
I keep my campaign promises.
Where'd I put that Scotch? Then I was being chased by an answer|bubble screaming "None of the above.
" Wow.
I hope that wasn't|one of your prophecy dreams.
Probably not.
I took it last year.
I could help you get ready.
There's this whole trick to antonyms,|but this isn't the place.
Oz is the highest-scoring person|ever to fail to graduate.
- Isn't she cute when she's proud?|- She's always cute.
- We could work on it tonight.
|- Work on what? - Oh, God.
Are we killing something again?|- Only my carefree spirit.
- Buffy SAT prep.
|- Oz is helping.
He's the highest-scoring We know.
We did|the impressed thing already.
I hate that thing.
It's totally fascist, and|it discriminates against the uninformed.
Actually, I'm looking forward to it.
|I do well on standardised tests.
What? I can't have layers? - So, Buff, study tonight?|- Yes on the studying, no on tonight.
I'm putting in Mom time.
|She's been drastic since I got back.
And Giles is even worse.
I'm supervised 24-7.
It's like being in|the Real World house, only real.
Candy bars.
Lots of 'em.
Principal Snyder, thank you.
You weren't visited by the Ghost|of Christmas Past, by any chance? - It's band candy.
|- Let's hear it for the band.
Very generous.
You will sell it to raise money for the|marching band.
They need new uniforms.
- Yeah.
Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap.
|- But they go with everything.
We love the idea of going all Willy Loman,|but we're not in the band.
And if I'd handed you a trombone,|that would've been a problem, Summers.
It's candy.
Sell it.
- But you're not in the band.
|- And yet.
Buffy, what would I do|with 40 chocolate bars? You could hand them out at the gallery.
"Buy|something pre-Colombian, get a free cavity.
" - You're a good mom.
|- I'm the best.
No, I'm pretty sure the best moms|let their daughters drive.
- And yet.
|- Come on.
- Look, let's not have this conversation.
|- But I took the class.
I watched the film strips with the blood|and the corpses.
I'm prepped.
Honey, you failed the written test.
They|wouldn't even let you take the road test.
That was a year ago.
And I don't test well,|she said, two days before the SATs.
I spend enough time|not knowing where you are.
I don't wanna add the possibility|that you're on the highway to Chicago.
I can't believe you.
I'm not taking off again.
- Besides, I could just get on a bus.
|- Stop.
Don't.
I just don't want you driving, OK?|I want you here.
I'm here.
See me here.
- I gotta go.
|- What, you're going out? Giles.
Slay-study double feature.
|Could be late.
Again? Honey, don't you think Mr Giles|is monopolising an awful lot of your time? And does he ever say he's sorry? Sorry.
- Why do I put up with this?|- Because it is your destiny.
And because I just bought|20 coco-rific candy bars.
You're doing this to take|funny pictures of me.
I'm doing it to test your awareness|of an opponent's location during a fight in total darkness.
Now, wait five seconds|and then throw the ball at me.
You ran out of new training ideas|about a week ago, huh? OK.
Five, four, three, two, one.
It's not that simple, is it? Yes, well, very good.
- Thanks.
|- Where are you going? We have to patrol.
I can't.
Mom's in hyperdrive.
|She wants me home tonight.
- But, I|- I know.
She's out of control.
Enjoy the candy.
Buffy.
I didn't know you could do that.
I'm feelin' better.
Angel.
Let's go inside.
It's late.
How'd you get away? It was easy.
Started a fire|in the prison laundry room.
Rode out in the garbage truck.
I'm joking.
No garbage.
Smell me.
How is Scott? Scott? Boyfriend Scott.
Actually, he's not He's fine.
That's for you.
- It's fresh from the butcher.
|- Thanks.
- You're being careful, right?|- With Scott? The slaying.
Yeah, of course.
Full of carefulness.
I worry about you.
I worry about you.
- I'm gettin' stronger.
|- Yeah, pretty soon you won't even need me.
That'll be better.
Yeah.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
You know Giles.
All slay, all the time.
Hello, Buffy.
Do you wanna watch television?|There's a very insightful Nightline on.
Buffy, you lied to us.
|And you made us into your alibis.
That's playing us against each other|and that's not fair.
I called Willow.
You also lied to her about|your whereabouts.
We were all concerned.
- Thank you.
|- Look, I'm sorry, but I had to Were you at the Bronze? What was|happening there that was so important? - Bronze things.
Things of Bronze.
|- You're acting really immature, Buffy.
I'm not your parent, but I am|responsible for you.
She's right.
OK, I'm acting like a child.
Maybe because|you're both treating me like a child.
- Buffy.
|- You're both scheduling me 24 hours a day.
Between the two of you, that's 48 hours.
|I wanna make a few decisions on my own.
The last time you made a decision, you split.
Yeah, and I took care of myself.
|I don't need this much active parenting.
You can't try using this summer|as a reason you should be trusted.
You can't baby-sit me all the time.
|I need you to back off a little.
All right, come on.
Let's not freak out.
- Freak out?|- I think you should go to bed.
We're all tired.
She just drives me crazy.
I just wanna protect her.
Don't all parents want that? But at least most parents have some idea|what to protect their children from.
Yeah.
And I think we should both|be especially careful.
Trust me.
You don't wanna eat that.
Think fast.
I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher's|more than 10 minutes late, we can all leave.
It's Giles' turn to watch study hall.
|He'll be here.
He's allergic to late.
He is wound a little tight.
I had this philosophy book checked out|from the library for a year, and he made me pay the fine,|even though it was huge.
It was sad to return it.
It was perfect for|starting conversations with college boys.
- Of course, that was BX.
|- BX? Before Xander.
Clever.
- I like chocolate.
There is no bad here.
|- You still have some left? I went to four houses and they were gone.
|It's like trick-or-treating in reverse.
I know.
They're selling like hot cakes, which|is ironic, cos the hot cakes aren't movin'.
And it's fun to sell chocolate.
And we're raising a lot of money for the band.
The band, yeah.
They're great.
- They march.
|- Like an army.
Except with music instead of bullets,|and usually no one dies.
I can't believe this.
Where is Giles already? I'm bored,|and he's not here to give me credit for it.
The big pinhead librarian didn't show up,|and I don't wanna do it.
You do it.
All right, fine.
I'll do it.
Everybody expects me to do everything|around here because I'm the principal.
It's not fair.
Hey! We're all stuck here.
So let's just sit quietly|and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that|old Commandant Snyder's gone.
- Then we're all outta here!|- Does anyone else wanna marry Ms Barton? - Get in line.
|- I guess Giles isn't coming? I guess not.
Buffy.
Sorry.
I was just worried.
|You were a big not-there in study hall.
After your lecture on not ducking out|What is my mother doing here? We had an opportunity for,|you might say, a summit meeting.
It took priority over study hall.
I called in.
- We decided you made a good point earlier.
|- I did, yeah.
- Which was?|- About us over scheduling you.
Pulling you in two directions, your home life and your duties as a slayer.
- That was a good point.
|- We're working out a schedule for you.
It'll be tight, but I think we can|fit in all your responsibilities.
Sounds nice and structured.
We've got more work to do here, honey.
|Why don't you give us a little more time? Take the car, and Mr Giles|can drive me home.
What? Excuse me, I meant what? Keys.
Take them.
You don't have to tell me twice.
|Well, actually, you did, but bye.
Bye, honey.
Drive careful.
- Do you think she noticed anything?|- No way.
Tell me again how it happened.
I told my mom I wanted to be treated|more like a grown-up and voilà: driviness.
Also I think she wanted me otherwhere.
|Considering they're planning my future, I think it's easier for them|to live my life if I'm not actually there.
Do you know that|you have the parking brake on? Are you sure about the Bronze?|I mean, the SATs are tomorrow.
I can study at the Bronze.
|A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying.
You know what we need? Eyes on the road.
Eyes on the road! - You got good albums.
|- Yeah, they're OK.
Do you like Seals and Croft? Yeah, me neither.
Thanks.
So how come they call you Ripper? Wouldn't you like to know? Wait a minute.
Listen to this bit.
- It rocks.
|- It's good.
Man, I gotta get a band together.
Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? - I know how to order pay-per-view.
|- No, let's go out, have some fun.
- Tear things up a bit.
|- OK.
We could go to the Bronze.
Not bloody likely.
That place is dead.
Hey, they're diggin' us, man.
Let's do the time warp again.
Maybe there's a reunion in town|or a Billy Joel tour or something.
- Ms Barton?|- Buffy? Whoa! - Are you OK, Ms Barton?|- I'm cool, Willow.
Willow.
That's a tree.
You're a tree.
Are there any nachos in here, little tree? Are you sure you don't need|some fresh air, Ms Barton? OK.
This is not normal.
- Maybe that goes without saying.
|- Hey, gang.
This place is Fun City, huh? - Principal Snyder?|- Call me Snyder.
Just a last name, like Barbarino.
|I'm so stoked! Did you see Ms Barton? I think she's wasted.
I'm gonna have to put that in her next|performance review cos I'm the principal.
I don't like this.
|They could have heart attacks.
Well, maybe there's a doctor here.
I think that is my doctor.
He's usually less topless.
I got a commendation for being principal.
|From the Mayor.
Shook my hand twice.
That's nice.
There are some foxy ladies here tonight.
- What's happening?|- I don't know.
But it's happening|to a whole lot of grown-ups.
- They're acting like a bunch|- They're acting like a bunch of us.
I don't act like this.
- Demand's high.
|- I thought it might be.
I love this county.
You make a good product|and the people will come to you.
Of course, a lot of them are gonna die, but|that's the other reason I love this county.
- Hey! Don't sample the product.
|- I didn't.
- OK.
How did you know he was|- I don't.
Now I know no one else will.
We're gettin' close.
Keep it flowin'.
It's almost feedin' time.
- Something's definitely changing them.
|- A spell? They're teenagers.
|It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh? You've got great hair.
It just gets more upsetting.
No vampire has ever been that scary.
Fight! We gotta figure out what's going on.
|This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it.
Where are we going? Wait up, you guys! Hey! You guys aren't trying|to ditch me, are ya? - Giles'll know what's going on.
|- For all we know, he's sweet 16 again.
He's with your mom at his place.
- I said wait up.
|- Snyder No time.
He's coming with us.
Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz! It'll be OK when we get to Giles'.
Of course, even if he's 16, he's still Giles.
|He's probably a pretty together guy.
- Yeah, well|- What? Giles at 16? Less "together" guy, more "bad magic, hates the world,|ticking time bomb" guy.
Well, then, I guess|your mom's in a lotta trouble.
- Must be exciting being from England.
|- Not particularly.
You cold? - I feel special.
Like I'm just waking up, kinda.
|- Yeah? Like getting married and having a kid|and everything was just a dream and now things are back|like they're supposed be.
That's cool.
Very Juice Newton.
- You fancy it?|- Yeah, but the store's closed.
Ripper, that was so brave.
Hold it! This is great.
Let's do doughnuts|in the football field, huh? Oh, my God, look out! Copper's got a gun.
- You'll never use it, though, mate.
|- Will so.
Ripper, be careful.
Told him he'd never use it.
You are so cool.
You're like Burt Reynolds.
Sorry.
Gotta go.
Oh, God! Are you guys OK? Is anybody else all creeped out and trembly? Buffy, your mom's gonna kill you.
- Something's weird.
|- Something's not? No grown-ups.
No one's protecting their houses.
|Everyone's just wandering.
Hey! Hey, give it! - Defenceless.
|- Come on! That's mine! - So where are all the vampires?|- He stole my candy.
- Soup's on but no one's grabbing a spoon.
|- Something's happening - someplace that's else.
|- I'd say something big.
That guy took my candy.
The candy.
It's gotta be the candy.
It's cursed.
A curse? I've got a curse.
God, using candy for evil.
My parents ate a ton.
- Who's behind it?|- I don't know.
It came through the school board.
|If you knew that crowd Where did it come from?|Do you know where to get it? Yeah.
Get Xander and Cordelia.
|Go to the library and look it up.
- Candy curses?|- Disturbing second childhood.
Got it.
Rat Boy and I are going to the source.
- Mom? Giles?|- Go away.
We're busy.
Mom! Where did you get that coat?|Never mind.
Listen - Back off.
|- Giles, think about this.
You wanna fight me|or you wanna let me talk to my mother? Mom, look at me.
Do you know who I am? Of course.
You're Buffy.
They're giving|away candy.
You want some candy? No, I don't.
|And you don't need any more, either.
I'm fine.
I can have more if I want.
- You are not fine.
You need to go home.
|- Screw you.
- I want candy.
|- Mom.
You wanna slay stuff|and I'm not allowed to do anything.
Well, this is what I wanna do,|so get off my back.
- Mom, please|- For God's sake.
- Let your mum have her sodding candy.
|- Look at that dent in your car.
I did that.
Oh, my God.
What was I thinking|when I bought the Geek Machine? - Listen to me.
You|- You listen to me.
I'm your watcher, so you do what I tell you.
|Now, sod off! - Take her home.
|- Joyce Mom.
You leave her alone.
Hey, Brit Face.
Wait up.
Stay.
- It smells so chocolaty.
|- This is far out.
Yeah, I've been out there.
Town's wide open.
|You guys can go anytime.
Ethan Rayne.
Might wanna hurry.
Ethan.
Ripper.
At first it was fun.
They seemed like|they were in this really good mood, - not like parents, and then|- Badness? Mom started borrowing my clothes.
|There should be an age limit on Lycra pants.
And Dad, he just locked himself in the|bathroom with old copies of Esquire, I don't get this.
The candy makes|you feel immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any dif - Never mind.
|- I'll take that one.
- You wanna swap?|- What? Swap? You wanna swap? This book is really thick,|and I'm not sure it's in English.
Bloody hell! That's what smoking'll do to you.
|Now be quiet.
Where'd the bastard go? What? Look.
A box full of farm-fresh chicken.
Do you suppose they're OK? So are you two kinda like goin' steady? So, Ethan, what are we playing?|We're in a talk-or-bleed situation.
Your call.
Hit him.
I'd just like to point out|that this wasn't my idea.
- Meaning?|- I'm subcontracting.
It's Trick you want.
I'm just helping him collect|a tribute for a demon.
- He's lying.
|- I don't think he is, and shut up.
- You're my slayer.
Knock his teeth down|- Giles! - What demon?|- I don't remember.
Yes! Lurconis.
Demon named Lurconis.
They wanted away|to get the tribute away from people.
- So you're just Diversion Guy?|- More than a diversion.
They said the tribute was so big that|people would never let them take it, that people had to be out of it.
Later, when the candy wore off,|they'd blame themselves.
Hence land of the irresponsible.
|So where's Trick? - I don't know exactly.
|- Hit him again.
No.
I really don't know.
Delivering the tribute.
Which brings us to the bonus question, and|a wrong answer will cost you all your points.
What's the tribute? Right.
Lurconis.
Lurconis.
A demon.
What's his deal? - See if it says anything about a tribute.
|- A tribute? Like what? I don't know.
- My source is all tapped out.
|- She whupped you good, huh? I can do that.
I took taekwondo at the Y.
No, it's definitely a demon.
A big one.
Giles, give me the gun.
Giles.
Now.
It's Willow.
She wants you real bad.
Oz just found it.
"The tribute|to Lurconis is made every 30 years.
" It's a ritual feeding.
And this one's late,|so it's probably, you know, a big meal.
Lurconis eats babies.
- Come on.
|- Well, what about that man? See if you can find something|to tie him up with.
Never tell me.
I didn't see anything.
|I don't know where they are.
Something's gonna eat those babies? - What can I do?|- I think that is so wrong.
- Get off my back about it!|- She never saw who took 'em.
Dozy cow.
- I know who took them.
|- Let's do something.
Let's find the demon|and kick the crap out of it.
- Is that what happens now?|- Yeah, if we knew where they were.
"Lurconis dwells beneath the city,|filth to filth.
" What? I know this.
I knew this.
Lurconis means "glutton".
And we'll find it - in the sewers.
|- The sewers? Good.
You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case|the babies find their way back.
- The babies must be so scared.
|- You filthy little ponce.
- Are you afraid of a little demon?|- You wanna splash around in the pooh! You know what? Everybody just stop it!|OK, listen to me.
I need help, OK? Giles, I need grown-ups.
These children are gonna die|if we don't act now, OK, and think clearly.
There is no room for mistakes.
Besides which, you guys|are just wigging me out.
Sorry.
- We'll behave.
|- Good.
Snyder, go home.
- I can do that.
|- Giles, we're going to the sewers.
And don't do that.
Come on, big guy.
|They're not gettin' any fresher.
Carol.
Hi.
Yeah.
Call Dave on the public-works committee|tomorrow about sewer maintenance.
I have some concerns regarding exposed|gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation.
And cancel my three o'clock.
Hi.
What the hell's that? Lurconis, I'm thinking.
Ordinarily, I like other people to do my|fighting, but I just gotta see what you got.
- Just tell me when it hurts.
|- Come on.
Giles! No! You and me, girl.
There's high times ahead.
They never just leave.
|Always gotta say something.
Can we go home now? Yeah, we can go home.
|I've got the SATs tomorrow.
Blow them off.
I'll write you a note.
No.
It's OK.
Poor babies.
Come on.
- And your friend?|- Paid him.
The man did his job.
|No reason to burn that bridge.
- This didn't turn out the way I had planned.
|- Where's the downside? You just got yourself one less demon|you have to pay tribute to.
The way I see it, I did you a favour.
I guess you did.
In the future I'd be very careful|how many favours you do for me.
Hey, Snyder.
Heard you had some fun|Friday night.
Have you come down yet? - That's Principal Snyder.
|- And that's a big yep.
You look like four young people|with too much time on your hands.
- Not really.
|- Busy like a bee, actually.
- Bee-like.
|- Good.
It seems we had some vandalism|Friday on school property, and I was just looking for some|volunteers to help clean it up.
Kiss rocks? Why would anyone wanna kiss Wait.
I get it.
Let's get you some paint remover.
It was just too much to deal with.
It was like nothing made sense any more.
The things that I thought|I understood were gone.
I just felt so alone.
- Was that the math or the verbal?|- Mostly the math.
Well, if you scored low,|then you can always take them again.
More SATs? Is there really a point?|I could die before I even apply to college.
- And then you very possibly might not.
|- Well, let's just keep hope alive.
- Hello.
|- Hi.
I say, your car seems to have had|an adventure, doesn't it? Buffy assures me that|it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it|on the instalment plan.
The way things were going,|be glad that's the worst that happened.
At least I got to the two of you|before you actually did something.
- Right.
|- Indeed.
Yes.
" - That's all there is.
Are you ready?|- Hit me.
"Which best expresses the theme of the|passage? A: Violence breeds violence?" "B: All things must end? C" B.
I'm going with B.
|We haven't had a B in for ever.
This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots.
Pay attention.
A low score could harm|your chances of getting into college.
That takes the pressure right off.
It isn't meant to be easy.
It's a rite of passage.
Is it too late to join a tribe where they just|pierce something or cut something off? Buffy, please concentrate.
- Roll.
|- What? I broke my number two pencil.
|We'll have to do this again sometime.
"C: All systems tend towards chaos.
" I just know that us and the undead are the|only people in Sunnydale working this late.
I appreciate you coming.
I realise it is early - for you - but I think you'll agree that|this matter is urgent, also delicate.
- I'm a very delicate person.
|- So you feel you can handle this? It's a little out of my element,|but I can get you what you need.
I know a beast who knows a guy.
Are you sure that subcontracting|is the way to go here? This guy's worked your town before, and if he lives up to his rep,|this place'll be in flames.
I've made certain deals to get where I am|today.
This demon requires his tribute.
You see, that's what separates me|from other politicians, Mr Trick.
I keep my campaign promises.
Where'd I put that Scotch? Then I was being chased by an answer|bubble screaming "None of the above.
" Wow.
I hope that wasn't|one of your prophecy dreams.
Probably not.
I took it last year.
I could help you get ready.
There's this whole trick to antonyms,|but this isn't the place.
Oz is the highest-scoring person|ever to fail to graduate.
- Isn't she cute when she's proud?|- She's always cute.
- We could work on it tonight.
|- Work on what? - Oh, God.
Are we killing something again?|- Only my carefree spirit.
- Buffy SAT prep.
|- Oz is helping.
He's the highest-scoring We know.
We did|the impressed thing already.
I hate that thing.
It's totally fascist, and|it discriminates against the uninformed.
Actually, I'm looking forward to it.
|I do well on standardised tests.
What? I can't have layers? - So, Buff, study tonight?|- Yes on the studying, no on tonight.
I'm putting in Mom time.
|She's been drastic since I got back.
And Giles is even worse.
I'm supervised 24-7.
It's like being in|the Real World house, only real.
Candy bars.
Lots of 'em.
Principal Snyder, thank you.
You weren't visited by the Ghost|of Christmas Past, by any chance? - It's band candy.
|- Let's hear it for the band.
Very generous.
You will sell it to raise money for the|marching band.
They need new uniforms.
- Yeah.
Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap.
|- But they go with everything.
We love the idea of going all Willy Loman,|but we're not in the band.
And if I'd handed you a trombone,|that would've been a problem, Summers.
It's candy.
Sell it.
- But you're not in the band.
|- And yet.
Buffy, what would I do|with 40 chocolate bars? You could hand them out at the gallery.
"Buy|something pre-Colombian, get a free cavity.
" - You're a good mom.
|- I'm the best.
No, I'm pretty sure the best moms|let their daughters drive.
- And yet.
|- Come on.
- Look, let's not have this conversation.
|- But I took the class.
I watched the film strips with the blood|and the corpses.
I'm prepped.
Honey, you failed the written test.
They|wouldn't even let you take the road test.
That was a year ago.
And I don't test well,|she said, two days before the SATs.
I spend enough time|not knowing where you are.
I don't wanna add the possibility|that you're on the highway to Chicago.
I can't believe you.
I'm not taking off again.
- Besides, I could just get on a bus.
|- Stop.
Don't.
I just don't want you driving, OK?|I want you here.
I'm here.
See me here.
- I gotta go.
|- What, you're going out? Giles.
Slay-study double feature.
|Could be late.
Again? Honey, don't you think Mr Giles|is monopolising an awful lot of your time? And does he ever say he's sorry? Sorry.
- Why do I put up with this?|- Because it is your destiny.
And because I just bought|20 coco-rific candy bars.
You're doing this to take|funny pictures of me.
I'm doing it to test your awareness|of an opponent's location during a fight in total darkness.
Now, wait five seconds|and then throw the ball at me.
You ran out of new training ideas|about a week ago, huh? OK.
Five, four, three, two, one.
It's not that simple, is it? Yes, well, very good.
- Thanks.
|- Where are you going? We have to patrol.
I can't.
Mom's in hyperdrive.
|She wants me home tonight.
- But, I|- I know.
She's out of control.
Enjoy the candy.
Buffy.
I didn't know you could do that.
I'm feelin' better.
Angel.
Let's go inside.
It's late.
How'd you get away? It was easy.
Started a fire|in the prison laundry room.
Rode out in the garbage truck.
I'm joking.
No garbage.
Smell me.
How is Scott? Scott? Boyfriend Scott.
Actually, he's not He's fine.
That's for you.
- It's fresh from the butcher.
|- Thanks.
- You're being careful, right?|- With Scott? The slaying.
Yeah, of course.
Full of carefulness.
I worry about you.
I worry about you.
- I'm gettin' stronger.
|- Yeah, pretty soon you won't even need me.
That'll be better.
Yeah.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
You know Giles.
All slay, all the time.
Hello, Buffy.
Do you wanna watch television?|There's a very insightful Nightline on.
Buffy, you lied to us.
|And you made us into your alibis.
That's playing us against each other|and that's not fair.
I called Willow.
You also lied to her about|your whereabouts.
We were all concerned.
- Thank you.
|- Look, I'm sorry, but I had to Were you at the Bronze? What was|happening there that was so important? - Bronze things.
Things of Bronze.
|- You're acting really immature, Buffy.
I'm not your parent, but I am|responsible for you.
She's right.
OK, I'm acting like a child.
Maybe because|you're both treating me like a child.
- Buffy.
|- You're both scheduling me 24 hours a day.
Between the two of you, that's 48 hours.
|I wanna make a few decisions on my own.
The last time you made a decision, you split.
Yeah, and I took care of myself.
|I don't need this much active parenting.
You can't try using this summer|as a reason you should be trusted.
You can't baby-sit me all the time.
|I need you to back off a little.
All right, come on.
Let's not freak out.
- Freak out?|- I think you should go to bed.
We're all tired.
She just drives me crazy.
I just wanna protect her.
Don't all parents want that? But at least most parents have some idea|what to protect their children from.
Yeah.
And I think we should both|be especially careful.
Trust me.
You don't wanna eat that.
Think fast.
I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher's|more than 10 minutes late, we can all leave.
It's Giles' turn to watch study hall.
|He'll be here.
He's allergic to late.
He is wound a little tight.
I had this philosophy book checked out|from the library for a year, and he made me pay the fine,|even though it was huge.
It was sad to return it.
It was perfect for|starting conversations with college boys.
- Of course, that was BX.
|- BX? Before Xander.
Clever.
- I like chocolate.
There is no bad here.
|- You still have some left? I went to four houses and they were gone.
|It's like trick-or-treating in reverse.
I know.
They're selling like hot cakes, which|is ironic, cos the hot cakes aren't movin'.
And it's fun to sell chocolate.
And we're raising a lot of money for the band.
The band, yeah.
They're great.
- They march.
|- Like an army.
Except with music instead of bullets,|and usually no one dies.
I can't believe this.
Where is Giles already? I'm bored,|and he's not here to give me credit for it.
The big pinhead librarian didn't show up,|and I don't wanna do it.
You do it.
All right, fine.
I'll do it.
Everybody expects me to do everything|around here because I'm the principal.
It's not fair.
Hey! We're all stuck here.
So let's just sit quietly|and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that|old Commandant Snyder's gone.
- Then we're all outta here!|- Does anyone else wanna marry Ms Barton? - Get in line.
|- I guess Giles isn't coming? I guess not.
Buffy.
Sorry.
I was just worried.
|You were a big not-there in study hall.
After your lecture on not ducking out|What is my mother doing here? We had an opportunity for,|you might say, a summit meeting.
It took priority over study hall.
I called in.
- We decided you made a good point earlier.
|- I did, yeah.
- Which was?|- About us over scheduling you.
Pulling you in two directions, your home life and your duties as a slayer.
- That was a good point.
|- We're working out a schedule for you.
It'll be tight, but I think we can|fit in all your responsibilities.
Sounds nice and structured.
We've got more work to do here, honey.
|Why don't you give us a little more time? Take the car, and Mr Giles|can drive me home.
What? Excuse me, I meant what? Keys.
Take them.
You don't have to tell me twice.
|Well, actually, you did, but bye.
Bye, honey.
Drive careful.
- Do you think she noticed anything?|- No way.
Tell me again how it happened.
I told my mom I wanted to be treated|more like a grown-up and voilà: driviness.
Also I think she wanted me otherwhere.
|Considering they're planning my future, I think it's easier for them|to live my life if I'm not actually there.
Do you know that|you have the parking brake on? Are you sure about the Bronze?|I mean, the SATs are tomorrow.
I can study at the Bronze.
|A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying.
You know what we need? Eyes on the road.
Eyes on the road! - You got good albums.
|- Yeah, they're OK.
Do you like Seals and Croft? Yeah, me neither.
Thanks.
So how come they call you Ripper? Wouldn't you like to know? Wait a minute.
Listen to this bit.
- It rocks.
|- It's good.
Man, I gotta get a band together.
Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? - I know how to order pay-per-view.
|- No, let's go out, have some fun.
- Tear things up a bit.
|- OK.
We could go to the Bronze.
Not bloody likely.
That place is dead.
Hey, they're diggin' us, man.
Let's do the time warp again.
Maybe there's a reunion in town|or a Billy Joel tour or something.
- Ms Barton?|- Buffy? Whoa! - Are you OK, Ms Barton?|- I'm cool, Willow.
Willow.
That's a tree.
You're a tree.
Are there any nachos in here, little tree? Are you sure you don't need|some fresh air, Ms Barton? OK.
This is not normal.
- Maybe that goes without saying.
|- Hey, gang.
This place is Fun City, huh? - Principal Snyder?|- Call me Snyder.
Just a last name, like Barbarino.
|I'm so stoked! Did you see Ms Barton? I think she's wasted.
I'm gonna have to put that in her next|performance review cos I'm the principal.
I don't like this.
|They could have heart attacks.
Well, maybe there's a doctor here.
I think that is my doctor.
He's usually less topless.
I got a commendation for being principal.
|From the Mayor.
Shook my hand twice.
That's nice.
There are some foxy ladies here tonight.
- What's happening?|- I don't know.
But it's happening|to a whole lot of grown-ups.
- They're acting like a bunch|- They're acting like a bunch of us.
I don't act like this.
- Demand's high.
|- I thought it might be.
I love this county.
You make a good product|and the people will come to you.
Of course, a lot of them are gonna die, but|that's the other reason I love this county.
- Hey! Don't sample the product.
|- I didn't.
- OK.
How did you know he was|- I don't.
Now I know no one else will.
We're gettin' close.
Keep it flowin'.
It's almost feedin' time.
- Something's definitely changing them.
|- A spell? They're teenagers.
|It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh? You've got great hair.
It just gets more upsetting.
No vampire has ever been that scary.
Fight! We gotta figure out what's going on.
|This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it.
Where are we going? Wait up, you guys! Hey! You guys aren't trying|to ditch me, are ya? - Giles'll know what's going on.
|- For all we know, he's sweet 16 again.
He's with your mom at his place.
- I said wait up.
|- Snyder No time.
He's coming with us.
Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz! It'll be OK when we get to Giles'.
Of course, even if he's 16, he's still Giles.
|He's probably a pretty together guy.
- Yeah, well|- What? Giles at 16? Less "together" guy, more "bad magic, hates the world,|ticking time bomb" guy.
Well, then, I guess|your mom's in a lotta trouble.
- Must be exciting being from England.
|- Not particularly.
You cold? - I feel special.
Like I'm just waking up, kinda.
|- Yeah? Like getting married and having a kid|and everything was just a dream and now things are back|like they're supposed be.
That's cool.
Very Juice Newton.
- You fancy it?|- Yeah, but the store's closed.
Ripper, that was so brave.
Hold it! This is great.
Let's do doughnuts|in the football field, huh? Oh, my God, look out! Copper's got a gun.
- You'll never use it, though, mate.
|- Will so.
Ripper, be careful.
Told him he'd never use it.
You are so cool.
You're like Burt Reynolds.
Sorry.
Gotta go.
Oh, God! Are you guys OK? Is anybody else all creeped out and trembly? Buffy, your mom's gonna kill you.
- Something's weird.
|- Something's not? No grown-ups.
No one's protecting their houses.
|Everyone's just wandering.
Hey! Hey, give it! - Defenceless.
|- Come on! That's mine! - So where are all the vampires?|- He stole my candy.
- Soup's on but no one's grabbing a spoon.
|- Something's happening - someplace that's else.
|- I'd say something big.
That guy took my candy.
The candy.
It's gotta be the candy.
It's cursed.
A curse? I've got a curse.
God, using candy for evil.
My parents ate a ton.
- Who's behind it?|- I don't know.
It came through the school board.
|If you knew that crowd Where did it come from?|Do you know where to get it? Yeah.
Get Xander and Cordelia.
|Go to the library and look it up.
- Candy curses?|- Disturbing second childhood.
Got it.
Rat Boy and I are going to the source.
- Mom? Giles?|- Go away.
We're busy.
Mom! Where did you get that coat?|Never mind.
Listen - Back off.
|- Giles, think about this.
You wanna fight me|or you wanna let me talk to my mother? Mom, look at me.
Do you know who I am? Of course.
You're Buffy.
They're giving|away candy.
You want some candy? No, I don't.
|And you don't need any more, either.
I'm fine.
I can have more if I want.
- You are not fine.
You need to go home.
|- Screw you.
- I want candy.
|- Mom.
You wanna slay stuff|and I'm not allowed to do anything.
Well, this is what I wanna do,|so get off my back.
- Mom, please|- For God's sake.
- Let your mum have her sodding candy.
|- Look at that dent in your car.
I did that.
Oh, my God.
What was I thinking|when I bought the Geek Machine? - Listen to me.
You|- You listen to me.
I'm your watcher, so you do what I tell you.
|Now, sod off! - Take her home.
|- Joyce Mom.
You leave her alone.
Hey, Brit Face.
Wait up.
Stay.
- It smells so chocolaty.
|- This is far out.
Yeah, I've been out there.
Town's wide open.
|You guys can go anytime.
Ethan Rayne.
Might wanna hurry.
Ethan.
Ripper.
At first it was fun.
They seemed like|they were in this really good mood, - not like parents, and then|- Badness? Mom started borrowing my clothes.
|There should be an age limit on Lycra pants.
And Dad, he just locked himself in the|bathroom with old copies of Esquire, I don't get this.
The candy makes|you feel immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any dif - Never mind.
|- I'll take that one.
- You wanna swap?|- What? Swap? You wanna swap? This book is really thick,|and I'm not sure it's in English.
Bloody hell! That's what smoking'll do to you.
|Now be quiet.
Where'd the bastard go? What? Look.
A box full of farm-fresh chicken.
Do you suppose they're OK? So are you two kinda like goin' steady? So, Ethan, what are we playing?|We're in a talk-or-bleed situation.
Your call.
Hit him.
I'd just like to point out|that this wasn't my idea.
- Meaning?|- I'm subcontracting.
It's Trick you want.
I'm just helping him collect|a tribute for a demon.
- He's lying.
|- I don't think he is, and shut up.
- You're my slayer.
Knock his teeth down|- Giles! - What demon?|- I don't remember.
Yes! Lurconis.
Demon named Lurconis.
They wanted away|to get the tribute away from people.
- So you're just Diversion Guy?|- More than a diversion.
They said the tribute was so big that|people would never let them take it, that people had to be out of it.
Later, when the candy wore off,|they'd blame themselves.
Hence land of the irresponsible.
|So where's Trick? - I don't know exactly.
|- Hit him again.
No.
I really don't know.
Delivering the tribute.
Which brings us to the bonus question, and|a wrong answer will cost you all your points.
What's the tribute? Right.
Lurconis.
Lurconis.
A demon.
What's his deal? - See if it says anything about a tribute.
|- A tribute? Like what? I don't know.
- My source is all tapped out.
|- She whupped you good, huh? I can do that.
I took taekwondo at the Y.
No, it's definitely a demon.
A big one.
Giles, give me the gun.
Giles.
Now.
It's Willow.
She wants you real bad.
Oz just found it.
"The tribute|to Lurconis is made every 30 years.
" It's a ritual feeding.
And this one's late,|so it's probably, you know, a big meal.
Lurconis eats babies.
- Come on.
|- Well, what about that man? See if you can find something|to tie him up with.
Never tell me.
I didn't see anything.
|I don't know where they are.
Something's gonna eat those babies? - What can I do?|- I think that is so wrong.
- Get off my back about it!|- She never saw who took 'em.
Dozy cow.
- I know who took them.
|- Let's do something.
Let's find the demon|and kick the crap out of it.
- Is that what happens now?|- Yeah, if we knew where they were.
"Lurconis dwells beneath the city,|filth to filth.
" What? I know this.
I knew this.
Lurconis means "glutton".
And we'll find it - in the sewers.
|- The sewers? Good.
You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case|the babies find their way back.
- The babies must be so scared.
|- You filthy little ponce.
- Are you afraid of a little demon?|- You wanna splash around in the pooh! You know what? Everybody just stop it!|OK, listen to me.
I need help, OK? Giles, I need grown-ups.
These children are gonna die|if we don't act now, OK, and think clearly.
There is no room for mistakes.
Besides which, you guys|are just wigging me out.
Sorry.
- We'll behave.
|- Good.
Snyder, go home.
- I can do that.
|- Giles, we're going to the sewers.
And don't do that.
Come on, big guy.
|They're not gettin' any fresher.
Carol.
Hi.
Yeah.
Call Dave on the public-works committee|tomorrow about sewer maintenance.
I have some concerns regarding exposed|gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation.
And cancel my three o'clock.
Hi.
What the hell's that? Lurconis, I'm thinking.
Ordinarily, I like other people to do my|fighting, but I just gotta see what you got.
- Just tell me when it hurts.
|- Come on.
Giles! No! You and me, girl.
There's high times ahead.
They never just leave.
|Always gotta say something.
Can we go home now? Yeah, we can go home.
|I've got the SATs tomorrow.
Blow them off.
I'll write you a note.
No.
It's OK.
Poor babies.
Come on.
- And your friend?|- Paid him.
The man did his job.
|No reason to burn that bridge.
- This didn't turn out the way I had planned.
|- Where's the downside? You just got yourself one less demon|you have to pay tribute to.
The way I see it, I did you a favour.
I guess you did.
In the future I'd be very careful|how many favours you do for me.
Hey, Snyder.
Heard you had some fun|Friday night.
Have you come down yet? - That's Principal Snyder.
|- And that's a big yep.
You look like four young people|with too much time on your hands.
- Not really.
|- Busy like a bee, actually.
- Bee-like.
|- Good.
It seems we had some vandalism|Friday on school property, and I was just looking for some|volunteers to help clean it up.
Kiss rocks? Why would anyone wanna kiss Wait.
I get it.
Let's get you some paint remover.
It was just too much to deal with.
It was like nothing made sense any more.
The things that I thought|I understood were gone.
I just felt so alone.
- Was that the math or the verbal?|- Mostly the math.
Well, if you scored low,|then you can always take them again.
More SATs? Is there really a point?|I could die before I even apply to college.
- And then you very possibly might not.
|- Well, let's just keep hope alive.
- Hello.
|- Hi.
I say, your car seems to have had|an adventure, doesn't it? Buffy assures me that|it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it|on the instalment plan.
The way things were going,|be glad that's the worst that happened.
At least I got to the two of you|before you actually did something.
- Right.
|- Indeed.
Yes.