Divorce (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

1 No, I want Frances to do whatever she likes.
I hate the idea of Frances going on a date with Jeremy.
Apparently, I'm at liberty to do whatever I want.
You tell me what the hell is going on here.
I'm over this shit.
All of it.
As much as I'd really like to punch you, I'm not gonna do that in front of these kids.
So, back off.
GORDON: I'd like to show you something.
It's yours, Diane.
You mean for free? You'd have to answer my occasional knock on the door.
Maybe I don't give a shit about people's problems.
You're not even listening.
It doesn't surprise me.
You haven't been listening for weeks.
- Okay, we need to unpack this.
- Not unpacking.
I am packing and leaving.
Frances, I may have found a buyer for your Hastings home.
You put the house on the market without telling me? We lost.
Did you fuck Frances at least? Nope.
Jeremy fucked Frances.
This won't take long, but it's important.
And I'm making "important" sound bad or scary.
And it's not, it's it's not.
What it's really all about is Your mother and I are getting a divorce.
It's awful.
If there was any way that we could've figured out how to stay together, then we would.
But we just can't.
But the important thing is that neither of us is going to leave you.
I'm gonna be living nearby, and we're gonna do everything that we've always done together.
As a family.
But more importantly, your mother and I love you with all of our hearts.
And that, Lila, Tom, is never gonna change.
FRANCES: (GASPING) Hello, strangers! Hi! Welcome home.
Any headlines? Any secrets you wanna share with me - you don't like to share with your dad? - TOM: No news.
Oh, hey, hey! Lila, I've got a headline.
You poached my socks.
- I needed them.
- Well, I needed them too.
- Look what I ended up with.
- No, you I like it.
All right, well, welcome home, guys.
- (KNOCKING) - Good to see you.
Oh! - Hi.
- Hi Hi.
- You don't usually come up.
- I know.
Um, do you mind if I use the restroom? - I have to pee.
- Oh no, oh No, no, no, Actually, come on in.
- It's a long - Wait, wait, wait.
Can you just can you hold it? Can you just come here for a second? - Um - What's up? So, I've been giving it some thought.
You know, the renter's lease is about to be up.
I think we should sell the house.
Really? Now you wanna sell the house? Shh.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think, you know, it would be nice to have some money.
I don't know, I could buy something here and I don't think it's such a bad idea for us to finally separate our assets.
- Separate our assets? - Mm-hmm.
I mean, this is the house where you nursed our children.
They were toddlers.
Lila was drinking out of a glass.
Tom was practically rolling his own joints.
That doesn't matter, regardless.
I'm not gonna get into that.
I just feel like it's time, you know? It's just time to cut the cord.
Don't you? Okay.
Let's sell the house.
- Really? - Sure.
Oh.
- Urinate? - Yeah, yeah, no.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
(SIGHING) So, as it turns out, Frances is okay with selling the house.
No shit? Halle-fuckin'-luja.
So you think it's a good idea? In every possible way.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, there you go.
(HEAVY EXHALE) If you don't want to sell the house, don't sell it.
Just be honest about it.
Why would you say that? Of course I wanna sell the house.
In fact, do you want to handle it for us? No.
I do not.
Oh.
I think the whole hand washing thing has gone too far.
I mean, if a few people have to get septic so the skin on my knuckles stops cracking, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I disagree.
A lot.
You, pretty mama, are healed.
Don't be an asshole, Claudia.
Droopy placenta is droopy no more.
ROBERT: So, the baby's safe? Safe as anyone in a world gone to hell.
So, I can go out? - Anywhere? - You okay? Jackie? I think she's in shock.
Robbie, I love you.
Yeah, yeah yeah, I love you too.
- But I'm moving out.
- You what? I'm moving out.
Is there some sort of neurological change that accompanies placenta reattachment? I kept trying to overlook it.
How you're always defending her and you can't let go of that goddamn house.
And you're so friggin' concerned with everyone she might be dating.
You've made it quite clear where your loyalty is.
It's with her, it's not with me.
I am not news flash in love with Frances.
Interesting.
I never actually said that.
Fuck it, I was never cut out to be married anyway.
I tried, but I just can't do it.
I don't really need to remind you that we are having a child together, so you might wanna just skip along a few more yards before you make your decision.
The more yards, the more chance I have to lose my nerve.
Jackie, just get in the truck.
I think I'll walk.
It's three miles! That sounds wonderful.
ROBERT: You're you're you're jogging for two! Thanks, Lina.
Oh! Kids, just a heads up.
Your dad and I have decided to sell the house.
LILA: What are you talking about? We buried Sherlock Bones behind that house.
And you didn't even ask us.
That's so disrespectful.
That is kind of disrespectful that you didn't ask us.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I know, - I mean, we have had - HENRY: What? It's the whole crew! - Hey.
- Hey.
- Morning, Henry.
- Hi.
- LILA: Do you wanna ? - Yeah, I'll be right out.
- It's good to see you kids.
- TOM: Yeah, you too.
TOM: Okay.
Go, go.
Let's get out of here.
LILA: Don't push me.
Hi.
- Hi.
- I missed you.
That was a bad way to end a bad night.
Yeah, agree.
That was bad.
I'm just, honestly, I'm just confused.
I don't understand what happened what's happening.
Let me ask you something.
Before all of this, I thought things with us were rolling along pretty well, didn't you? Yeah.
Four four and a half stars.
Right, well, why can't that be enough? Is there something you feel you're missing besides the idea of something? I've got hungry kids.
I should go.
Can we talk later? I mean, four and half stars, that's That's pretty damn good.
(SCOFFS) Well - Bye.
Bye, Lina.
- LINA: Bye, Frances.
I forget, is this the place that comes with the noodles already in the broth? Or do you have to pour the broth over the noodles yourself? Oh, um Yeah, it looks like they put the broth and the noodles in separate containers.
Goddammit! I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
I I just hate the spillage.
(BAG RUSTLING) (SODA CANS OPENING) (SLURPING) (BAG RUSTLING) Oh, Jesus, this is what I was talking about! So, in my neighborhood, Inwood, there are all these really beautiful murals on the side of storefronts.
Of guess what.
Birds.
Yeah, it's funded by an art gallery, and I thought it might be nice if maybe we sponsored a walking tour.
Oh, I think that's a great idea, Frances.
Ugh! Just Fuck it, I'm just gonna go get some yogurt.
I swear to God, I will jump out this window if I hear one more word about your unwieldy ramen! But we have to listen to you go on and on when they forget the salad dressing? It's part of the order.
It's not a gift.
(SLAMS DESK) This is bananas! Now, I'm gonna give you both the benefit of the doubt.
I don't actually think that you're as nuts as you seem.
I just think that you've been caught on this takeout lunch hamster wheel for so long that you've actually forgotten who you are.
But you two have a choice.
You can take this privileged life that you've inherited from your Great Aunt Leonard and you can make it something meaningful, (STAMMERING): something that, you know, that's moving, that, that, you know, inspires people to see beauty.
Or you can sit here trapped in amber.
Relics.
Choose badly, and I'm gonna haul ass over to the Feminist Birders of Flushing.
The She-Gulls? They're hiring.
DALLAS: My only child has abandoned me, a crazy patient is trying to ruin my life, and look at them.
All it takes is one giant pretzel, and for them, the planets align.
Don't be so bitter.
Let the people enjoy their pretzels.
I remember this awful nun when I was growing up that we nicknamed "Pretzel.
" She had scoliosis or something.
(SIGHING) Maybe I should've become a nun.
Oh, yeah, I remember suggesting that we all go out tonight and have a really good time.
I'm sorry, I don't think there are pretzels big enough.
So, one one crazy patient makes a ridiculous claim.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
And one ridiculous claim could just end your career, so these hearings they're very unpredictable.
But you know what? I think that that letter was a message to me from God, just tapping me on the shoulder saying, "Quit.
It's over.
"Why fight for something that you don't even want anymore? Move on.
" This might be the best thing that's ever happened to me.
- (THE "CHICKEN DANCE" PLAYS) - DIANE: See, I agree.
I hate working, I hate not having a house.
And with Gordon Bam! One-stop shopping.
Or maybe you could rob a bank and just, you know, cut out the middle man.
Man, to be able to walk into that store and tell Mimi to shove it, I would do anything.
FRANCES: I know.
Even with the occasional knock on the door? Maybe.
Wait.
Is he offering you an allowance, too? Mm-hmm.
Does that officially make me a whore? You can be honest.
Diane, don't worry about it.
We're all gonna be gone (SNAPPING) like that.
(CROWD CLAPS TO SONG) (CLAPPING) (GATE BUZZING) - Nick.
- Robert.
It just goes to show you when the chips are down, you really know who your friends are.
Chips are down? Nick, you didn't have a bad day at the casino.
You stole tens of millions of dollars from people that trusted you.
Thanks.
You came here to tell me that? Nah.
I just need somebody to talk to.
This is what I've been craving.
This is the stuff.
Being of use, helping other people.
Helping I wanna help.
Let me help.
How can I help you? Jackie left me.
Well, these things happen.
That's it? That's your help? You've known her less than a year.
You don't have to be Kreskin to know that thing was headed for the shitter.
She's pregnant, too.
Jackie's pregnant? You dumb fuck! You dumb motherfucker! Nick, I came here for some solace, some heart-to-heart bro time.
Talk to me.
(SIGHS) Jackie accused me of still being in love with Frances.
Are you? You and Frances were together for 20 years.
She's the mother of your children.
You have a history and an intimacy with her that no other woman could ever hope to have.
That's it? What am I supposed to do with that? Get over it.
You think you and Frances are special? You got married, you had kids, you got divorced.
It's called the past.
Move on.
By the way, how's Diane looking? Don't answer that.
Thanks for the help.
Thanks for the insight.
That's what I'm here for.
Well, it's not actually what I'm here for.
Diane, walk with me.
I was hoping things would improve, as much as I've prayed and prayed, but the gaps and bunches have returned.
Okay.
I've had it.
What are you doing? Take a long look, honey.
Non-symmetrical anarchy.
Live it, learn it, love it.
Because I fucking quit! I'm better than this place, okay? I am a woman with options, and I choose to never work here ever again.
DELROY: What's going on? Delroy, I'd like for you to escort her out of the building.
I warned you.
Don't mess with this bitch.
It's fine.
I'm on to bigger and better things anyhow.
Let's just say I have a new opportunity on the horizon.
- Hmm.
- So A new opportunity that's illegal in every state except for Nevada.
Excuse me, what did you just say? Everyone knows, Diane.
The little shoplifter's grandpa? Let's not act like you just got hired at Google.
(SIGHS) - FRANCES: Hey.
- ROBERT: Hi.
So, I think we should sort all the boxes into three categories: what's going to Inwood, what goes to yours and Jackie's, and then what we just, you know, what we just toss.
Well, there may be a new location for my boxes.
Hmmm? It's sort of unclear at the moment.
My boxes might no longer be staying with Jackie's boxes? Oh.
Wait.
So, is Henry gonna or one of his people help us with all this crap? Oh, uh Well, it, uh, seems, uh Henry might no longer be moving my boxes.
Wow.
Thank God for that box metaphor.
Could have gotten awkward.
Uh, based upon data collected, post-divorce life? No trip to the candy factory.
Well, it's definitely not as fun as they make it look in the brochure.
(ROBERT CHUCKLES) I guess I couldn't know how hard it was gonna be.
What's that? Just knowing when it's worth it.
And when it's not.
(FRANCES SIGHS) So, it was small things at first.
Uh, a slight cock of an eyebrow, uh, the undue shifting in her chair.
Fine, strip me of my license.
I may have been breathing as well.
Then, things became more brazen.
She would brush lint off her pantsuit, which would go on a bit too long.
A pantsuit? I beg the board to search my closets for a pantsuit.
- Please, Ms.
Holt.
- Dallas.
Is there anything else, Mr.
Owens? Well, I hesitate to mention this one, because it's so Go ahead, sir.
It's okay.
We had a phone session one time, and it was quite clear to me that she was masturbating.
Okay, we are officially in fruitcake land! I'm sorry, but if it please the court or the board or the council or I whatever this is.
But I just (SIGHS) I refuse to be railroaded here today by a vengeful man who is trying to destroy my career.
I seek only justice, madam.
And now speaks like he is in 17th century Salem.
(EXHALES) I admit that I have professionally been off my game lately and I've had some personal problems that I have dealt with and maybe I should've taken a sabbatical.
But I'm a good therapist.
This job is who I am.
Please, don't take that away from me.
(WHISPERS): She's a slut.
You have nothing to worry about.
JACKIE: Thank you, and you're welcome to it.
Just be careful, I put a curse on it.
MAN: Okay, thanks.
- Jackie.
- Robbie.
I'm just gonna grab a few things.
I've gotta find a place to stay.
There's no hurry.
Eh, the sooner the better.
It's cleaner.
Well, we are having a child together, so You're stuck with us forever.
This, I know.
That's the good part.
I gotta get on down the road.
(SIGHS) So glad you came.
- Here.
- Thank you.
Oh.
(CITY TRAFFIC SOUNDS) Ah.
Public place, you haven't ordered food.
It's not looking good for me.
I'm just curious.
Since your marriage, what's been your longest relationship? Four months.
Us? Mm-hmm.
Wow, sure wish I'd asked that sooner.
Maybe I'm fucked up.
Uh my marriage, she was manipulative, always trying to make me jealous.
It changed my perspective.
Feeling like someone belongs to you, I don't see how anything good can come of it.
I'm sorry.
No need.
If I could change, you'd be the one I'd do it for.
Man, we've been making each other so happy.
It seems like such a shame.
So, Tom and Lila, ready to move back into your old house? Half the time, anyway.
- TOM: Yeah.
- LILA: Yeah.
I'm don't know if this would be categorized as officially moving forwards or moving backwards.
Forward.
Definitely.
All right, shall we? (GRUNTS) - FRANCES: You guys good? - LILA: Yeah.
Oh! Here.
(CHUCKLING): Hey, thanks.
It'll be under here in case you ever wanna stop by and steal my album collection.
Bye, kids.
See you in a couple days.
- TOM/LILA: Bye, Mom.
- Bye! - Bye.
- Bye.
So, Mr.
Gitler used to walk up and down these avenues and streets and he longed for more beauty, so he asked his favorite artists to paint Audubon's birds, which is why we get to look at this very distinguished eagle.
Let's move on to the next one.
This next artist painted, um painted the wild turkey.
Their name is N.
Soala.
(CURTAINS VIBRATING) (HUMMING) (DOOR KNOCKING) (KNOCKING CONTINUES) (TWO SHARP KNOCKS) (LOCK CLICKS) ("GIVE A LITTLE BIT" BY SUPERTRAMP PLAYING) Ooh, yeah DALLAS: So, here I am.
What age range were you thinking of? 10 to 16.
You know those are the really messed up ones, right? - Give a little bit - Yep.
Give a little bit of your love to me Give a little bit I'll give a little bit of my love to you There's so much that we need to share - So send a smile and show you care - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I'll give a little bit I'll give a little bit of my life for you FRANCES: All right, bye, sweetie.
See you Saturday.
So give a little bit - Bye.
- Bye.
Give a little bit of your time to me - Oh.
Frances.
- Yeah? - He's got a haircut.
- Oh.
Right.
Thank you.
You got a haircut.
- See the man with the lonely eyes - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Oh, take his hand, you'll be surprised (CHATTER CONTINUES) Give a little bit Give a little bit of your love to me Give a little bit (SONG CHANGES) ("OWNER OF A LONELY HEART" BY YES PLAYING) Move yourself You always live your life Never thinking of the future Prove yourself You are the move you make Take your chances, win or loser See yourself You are the steps you take You and you, and that's the only way Shake, shake yourself You're every move you make So the story goes Owner of a lonely heart Owner of a lonely heart Much better than a Owner of a broken heart Owner of a lonely heart