Empty Nest (1988) s03e06 Episode Script

Life goes on, and so do we Just how we do it is no mystery One by one we fill the days We find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on daddy, are you still working on that piece for the hospital newsletter? Yes.
The "Harry Weston's autobiography" is due in tomorrow.
Did you say anything about me? - Of course I did.
- Let me hear it.
Carol, Barbara and Emily.
I like it.
You're a good writer, daddy.
All right.
What do you think of this dress? I thought you were going bowling.
Too much? Well, I'm not sure it'll go with the rented shoes.
Oh, my god, I gotta hurry.
Boy, I hope this date works out.
Boy, she's having rotten luck with men lately.
If she weren't my sister, I'd feel really bad for her.
Hi, Harry.
Barbara.
Where's big red? Carol's upstairs getting dressed.
She has a date tonight.
And his parole officer doesn't mind? Okay, what do you think of this? Better? Carol, if you want to impress this guy, send Barbara.
- Daddy! - Charley! Harry.
- Out.
- That's not very polite, Harry.
Come on.
What's the magic word? Out or you're a dead man.
Works for me.
Oh, my god.
I forgot to spritz.
Hello? Oh, hi, Jeremy.
Carol just went upstairs.
I'll get Sure, sure, I'll take a message.
Your car was stolen? No, no, no, there's no need to cancel.
No, no, Carol'd be happy to come and just pick you up Your aunt suddenly took ill.
Jeremy, please, don't do this to my daughter.
Not now.
She's, she's been rejected a lot lately.
Hello? Hello? Who was on the phone? That was Jeremy, dear.
Oh, and he called to say he'd be late.
What a gentleman.
Not exactly.
His car was stolen.
Oh, the poor man.
Yeah, and his aunt suddenly took ill.
He's gonna need a lot of support when he gets here.
Wake up and smell it, Carol.
You've been dumped.
And she's supposed to be the smart one.
Sweetheart, I am so sorry.
Oh, well, c'est la vie.
Besides, I have a lot of things I need to do around here tonight.
- Are you really okay with this? - Absolutely.
That's my girl.
Okay.
You have a good night.
Thanks, daddy.
Won't be getting any more of those calls.
I'm so sorry I'm late, miss bingham.
I've decided to try calling one of those personal ads this morning and I was insulted by a single bisexual white Jewish male.
It's a tough town, honey.
Carol, we have to talk.
I need you to take over my duties for a month.
- I'm going away.
- Going away? But, miss bingham, this library is your life.
Are you ill? I'm getting married in London tomorrow night.
You're getting married? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that they way it sounds, it just that I'm so shocked.
I mean, you never even mentioned that you dated.
I mean, you never even mentioned that you had a Beau.
I think you'll like him, Carol.
He's quite the scholar, you know? An expert on medieval codpieces.
Well, I'm sure he's not my type at all.
But he sounds just perfect for you.
Clara, my love, there you are.
You forgot your sweater again.
Ian, what are you doing here? Won't you be late for your seminar? They can wait.
Can't have you catching cold, now? And, as long as I'm here Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
Ian, you haven't met Carol.
Carol.
Carol? Oh my.
Good morning, Laverne.
There you go.
My life is in your hands.
- Your biography! - What do you think? Honk, pooh! "Honk, pooh"? That's my snore sound.
And according to this, your life has been one big snooze.
Laverne, just type it up, please, and send it in.
Dr.
Weston's office.
Oh.
It's Carol's boss over to the library.
Hi, miss bingham.
Oh, my god.
Oh, no.
No, no, I'll, I'll come right over.
What? She said, "come get your daughter.
" It'll be okay.
"Was born to a middle-class family in Rochester, New York.
" I think we can do a little better than that.
I was born in a small village, near Paris.
Who would have guessed that one day I would become the greatest swordsman in all of France.
I got here as soon as I could.
I'm so glad you've come.
We seem to be having a little problem with Carol.
Catch the bouquet.
Catch the bouquet.
Catch the bouquet.
It's good luck, you know? Catch the bouquet.
Catch the bouquet.
Oh, poor dreyfuss.
Are you worried about Carol, too? Yeah, well, she'll be okay, she's going to be fine.
Good idea, take a nap.
Get your mind off it.
Hi, Harry.
Word on the street is Carol finally flipped out.
That's not true.
Carol just was a little upset.
Dr.
Stein says all she needs is a little rest and she'll be absolutely fine.
So tell that to your misinformed buttinsky who's spreading this gossip.
- Carol did not flip out.
- Okay.
Barbara, Carol did not flip out.
- Could have fooled me.
- Barbara! What? She's fine today.
She's up and ready to shop.
You.
Out.
Come on.
No, Carol is in much too fragile a condition as to deal with you right now.
Come on, Harry.
I just got my cereal all mushed up the way I like it.
Let me stay.
I can be sensitive.
When I have to.
All right.
But I mean it, Charley.
One smart crack and you're out of here.
No problem.
- Morning, daddy.
- Morning, sweetheart.
All right, Charley.
Go ahead.
Take your best shot.
Let's get it over with.
Hey, Carol, I'm glad to see you're feeling better.
Oh, god, daddy.
I'm so embarrassed about yesterday.
What must people think of me? It's just that I've been feeling so worthless and lonely lately.
And then when even poor mousy miss bingham manages to find someone.
Well, what does that say about me? I mean, what is it? What's wrong with me? Am I so totally repulsive? Carol, sweetheart, some day you're going to find the right guy.
You are a wonderful, desirable woman.
And nobody can deny that.
Well, I'm going off to the mall.
Oh, hey, you want some company? No, daddy, thank you.
I'll be fine.
All right, baby.
Oh, well, Dr.
Stein was right.
Your sister seems to be back to normal.
Normal? Is that the best he could do? Daddy, Barbara, quick.
Straighten up.
The man of my dreams is on his way over.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What man? What dreams? Oh, daddy, you were right, you were right.
Just when I thought I was destined to be alone forever, it turns that I'm not.
I'm in love.
I've found my soul mate.
At the mall? That's him.
Daddy, Barbara.
This is Dennis.
Hi, Barbara.
Hello, Harry.
You're taller than your daughters.
Isn't that always the way with fathers and daughters? Well, not always, but almost.
Isn't he wonderful? Well, well, Dennis.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
Gee, I don't know where to start.
Dennis has the most fascinating job.
Tell them, Dennis.
I'm a cheese host.
A cheese host? Isn't that I feel I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.
I work at cheddarville usa, over at the mall.
I'm the guy who stands in the doorway and hands out free samples on those little frilly toothpicks.
Dennis has a really brilliant career ahead of him.
Go ahead, darling, tell them the rest.
Honey, I don't like to brag.
Come on.
Well, I am in line for the assistant managership.
After just 11 years.
He's practically a genius.
Please.
Well, I'm going to go upstairs and freshen up.
I'll be right back.
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
Well, Carol seems to be quite taken with you.
You must have a lot of interesting interests.
Well, sometimes, on my lunch hour, they let me play the organ down at the Hammond store.
Aha.
Oh, I'm not just a cheese host.
Oh, you see, that.
No, he's not just a cheese host, Barbara.
Why are you dragging me into this? No sirree, Bob.
I also adhere price labels and do the beef stick inventory.
Of course not everyone who comes in buys a cheese log.
But you hope.
And you wait.
Eleven years? I know what you're thinking.
I really should be further ahead than I am now.
But you know how it is.
Politics.
- In cheddarville? - Yeah.
See, management wants us to push this jalapeno pepper cheese on the yuppie crowd, but, well, I just couldn't live with myself.
I mean, cheese shouldn't be spicy like that.
They just shouldn't.
- Ready to go? - Okay.
- Good night, daddy.
- Yeah, baby.
Bye.
- Bye, Barbara.
- Bye-bye.
Have a gouda one.
Hi, Dr.
phielson.
Hi, Laverne.
Is Zorro around? What Zorro is that? Harry.
I just got my newsletter.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That That That swordsman thing.
Maybe I shouldn't have had that tenth cup of coffee that morning.
Hey, Russell.
En guard, Harry.
What is this about? I was wondering if you'd cover for me at the board meeting on Tuesday.
Ha! - Tuesday? - Come on, man.
Defend yourself.
Ah, sure, Tuesday is fine.
What are we doing? I don't know about you, but I'm making minced meat out of the greatest swordsman in all of France.
Touché! I'm very confused here, Russell.
Do you want to tell me what this is all about? Come on, Harry.
It's all right here in your autobiography.
You.
I never jumped five buses on a motorcycle.
And I don't recall ever writing the lyrics to the fantasticks.
Laverne! Don't yell at me.
It's just that other thing you wrote didn't do you justice.
I didn't want people reading and thinking, you know, you was a big goober.
Laverne, I want you to make copies of my original autobiography and post them on every floor.
Well, I'll try, but don't be surprised if you find me face down on the copier in a little puddle of drool.
Look at this.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hiya, Harry.
Oh, Laverne, I'm so glad you're here.
I wanted you to see who all the excitement's about.
Laverne, this is Dennis Adams.
Daddy, notice anything special about us? Ah, the t-shirts? Yes.
Dennis got them for our one-week anniversary.
Yeah.
Mine was inspected by number 12.
I like his work.
He did a pair of my slacks once.
Isn't he incredible? The whole thing is incredible.
Well, we have to be off.
Bye, daddy.
Bye, Laverne.
Gouda to see you.
I thought you said Carol had both her oars back in the water.
Well, I mean, come on, Laverne, isn't it possible that deep inside there's a spark in that man? Yeah.
And you're the greatest swordsman in all of France.
Good.
Finally you're alone.
Honey, I have to talk to you.
Hiya, Harry.
- Gouda evening.
- Gouda evening.
What did you want to say, daddy? Nothing, dear, it can wait.
Good, because Dennis and I have some very important news.
We're moving in together.
It's waited long enough.
I have to talk to you, please.
- Privately.
- Okay.
I should be going, anyway.
I have to get up early tomorrow and press my lederhosen for the big jarlsberg promotion.
See you then.
Bye, Harry.
Isn't he the best? Ah, sweetheart, I, I I'm very concerned about this whole thing with you and Dennis.
Oh, daddy, I know this has happened very quickly, but when you meet the right one, you know.
Yeah.
But sweetheart, come here.
Is he the right one? I mean, I don't think so.
I don't think you would have made this choice a week ago before the day at the library when you had your Incident.
Daddy, I am all over that.
Yeah, well, I am not so sure, dear.
I think you're still maybe having the effects of your Setback.
Honey, listen.
It's like if a person has a virus that gives them a rash.
Then the rash goes away.
Now, the person may seem to be healthy, but we as physicians know the disease may still linger.
Are you saying Dennis is a virus, daddy? No, no, dear, of course not.
Yeah, maybe a secondary infection.
You're talking about the man I love.
This leads to another important question.
Why? So that's what this is all about.
You hate Dennis.
Honey, I don't hate him.
But, hey, think about this.
The man's life is cheese.
Daddy, why can't you be happy for me? Dennis cares about me.
He's nice to me.
He's everything I've ever wanted in a man.
He'll never leave me.
That's the reason for moving in with somebody? Because he will never leave you? No, daddy.
Dennis and I are about much more than that.
I don't have to listen to this anymore.
- Knock, knock.
- Oh, hey, knock, knock.
Sorry to interrupt.
I forgot I brought you this little present.
Go ahead, open it.
It's your very own cheddarville name tag.
Thank you, Dennis.
Well, it's the kind of thing you can expect every day when we are cohabitating.
You know what I just realized? Cheddarville starts with a "c", so does your name.
Isn't that perfect? I never realized that before.
I guess it's because of the "k" and "ch" sounds.
Well, see you tomorrow.
Bye, Harry.
All right, maybe, maybe he's not as perfect as I painted him to be, but you've got to admit he's Oh, god, daddy.
You're right.
I guess after the way things have been going with men lately, and then miss bingham getting married, I just needed someone.
Someone who'd always be there.
Honey, sweetheart.
Some day you're gonna meet that special man, and if along the way you trip and fall, there is somebody who'll always be there for you.
- Thank you, daddy.
- Yeah.
I love you.
Oh, god, where have I been? I'm so sorry to have put you through all of this.
Oh, come on, honey, don't be so hard on yourself.
I mean, after all, you're still getting over your Save your breath.
I flipped out.
It happens.
Hiya, honey.
My girlfriend.
Glad you're here.
Dennis, I have something to say to you that's very difficult.
You're probably the nicest, sweetest man I've ever met.
You've treated me better than anyone I've known in a long time.
You're a terrific guy, Dennis, but I'm afraid it's not going to work out between us.
It's the hat, isn't it? It's over, Dennis.
Carol, you can't mean this.
I'm sorry.
Damn.
Let me explain.
Please, don't.
I'm just starting to get over it.
Why reopen that wound? Thank god I still have my work.
Trust me, it's better this way.
No hard feelings? No hard feelings.
Oh.
I lied.
It's the jalapeno! And you can't use our fountain either! Dennis! Dennis!