Family Law (2021) s03e06 Episode Script

1
Previously, on Family Law
- You were saying?
- How pleased I am
to see yet another
middle-aged, mediocre white man
ascend the ranks based
on cronyism instead of merit.
Well, Mr. Svensson,
I was hoping that you'd
give a compelling argument,
but the one you gave was
what's the word?
Mediocre?
[ABBY] I just met Veronica
Crombie, she's lovely.
What could she possibly see in Chip?
[JERRI] We are trying to
staunch the bleeding here,
and you're stalking a preschool teacher?
I just wanted to see
Frank's new girlfriend.
You are going to be my "homework mole".
- Can I take you out to dinner?
- Thanks.
But I'm meeting my boyfriend.
[LUCY] It would be best
if you started looking
for somewhere else to stay.
You kicking me out?
I didn't mean you should
leave right this second, Abby!
[♪♪♪]
[BIRDS SINGING]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, good grief!
[JOANNE] Oh, you're awake.
Beautiful morning, isn't it?
It was, until a moment ago.
[JOANNE EXHALES CONTENTEDLY]
Why is he always here?
- Because he's my boyfriend.
- He has his own place.
And you, my dear, do not.
So, while you're back
living under my roof,
you do not get to criticize
my relationship with your father.
Can I at least request bathing suits?
If you don't like the
way things are here,
you're welcome to go
back to your sister's.
Except, wait Lucy kicked you out.
For bad-mouthing her relationship.
So, if you don't want to
bunk with your baby brother,
I suggest you zip it.
[PERKILY] Coffee?
[♪♪♪]
- Oh
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
That was fun.
Oh first time we didn't
have to keep the volume down.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, and, bonus
when we go into the kitchen later,
there won't be any
dirty dishes in the sink.
[KELLY CHUCKLES ALONE]
True.
Mm.
- But?
- [SIGHS] Ohh.
I just feel kind of bad
about the whole thing.
Oh, babe.
Hey, you shouldn't.
You did her a favour.
Trust me she's going
to thank you for it later.
But I still have to see her every day.
I just don't want things
to be weird between us.
Abby's a grown woman. She's
not gonna hold a grudge.
[♪♪♪]
I always wash my dishes!
I just don't always
wash them right away.
And she accused me of being "too judgy".
Oh, and that my jokes "punch down".
I'm waiting for the part
that isn't 100% accurate.
This is all Kelly's doing.
I'm telling you, there's
something off about her.
You don't like her because
she sees right through you.
Lucy's happy. Just be happy for her.
- Morning, Roz.
- Got a new one for you.
What happens when lawyers take Viagra?
They get taller.
Oh, because we're
- Right.
- [LAUGHS]
What, uh, courtroom am I in?
My client requires a
variation on his child support.
He can no longer afford it,
as he was recently laid off.
Because he's a commercial fisherman
that is literally how his job works.
Six months on, six months off,
and the payments have been
amortized to reflect that.
Overruled.
Your Honor, there's nothing
to overrule. This is in accordance
with the spousal support
advisory guidelines.
Counsel, stop your jibber-jabbering.
Since when is making submissions
on behalf of my client
- "jibber-jabbering"?
- There you go again.
Nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee! Don't
make me hold you in contempt.
[EXHALES WITH RESTRAINT]
Okay.
I know you don't like me,
but you can't take it out on my client.
- Are you accusing me of bias?
- Hell, yes!
- My chambers, Ms. Bianchi! Now!
- [BANG]
[♪♪♪]
How dare you create a scene
like that in my courtroom?
Oh, please!
You've had a vendetta
against my family for months.
And I know you've been
manipulating the trial coordinator
to avoid appearing in front of me.
Oh, you didn't think I'd find out?
I did it for the sake of my clients!
You shouldn't be judging a pie contest,
let alone making decisions
that affect people's lives.
You need to learn how to
bite your tongue, Missy.
- Don't you come any closer.
- Then show me some respect!
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GASPS INTENSELY]
[GASPING AND HYPERVENTILATING]
[CHIP STRUGGLES TO BREATHE]
[♪♪♪]
[DISPATCH] 911. What's your emergency?
I'm at the courthouse on Georgia
Judge Crombie's chambers.
I-I think he's having a heart attack.
All right, ma'am. We're
dispatching an ambulance.
Do you know CPR?
- Ma'am? Ma'am? Are you there?
- [GROANS]
[EXHALES]
["UH-OH" BY JEREMY FISHER BEGINS]
You can't prove it ♪
Uh-oh ♪
You got nothing legit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
The glove don't fit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
You got to acquit ♪
Uh-oh ♪
The charges won't stick 'Cause ♪
I ain't no sucker ♪
Ain't your lollipop ♪
But ♪
You can kiss my sweet ♪
Uh-huh ♪
Never gonna stop ♪
Never gonna stop Never gonna
stop Never gonna stop ♪
My name is Abby, and I'm an alcoholic.
[ATTENDEES] Hi, Abby.
Boy, did I need a drink today.
I'm living with my mother.
Again.
And she's shtupping my father.
Again.
Look, I know they say we're
not supposed to blame anyone
for our alcoholism, but [LAUGHS]
they are to blame.
And then
this morning,
I may have caused a judge
to have a heart attack
by kicking him in the nuts.
[LAUGHING]
Sorry.
[♪♪♪]
[QUIET CHATTER, INDISTINCT]
You're a lawyer, Ms. Bianchi.
You must know you
shouldn't publicly confess
to causing a judge's heart attack.
Well, you're presumably
an alcoholic, Mr. Cohen,
so you must know what happens in A.A.
stays in A.A.
Right. Better hope that
Crombie doesn't press charges.
He wouldn't!
- Would he?
- If he does I know a good lawyer.
- Mm. This is awful.
- Yeah.
I was gonna warn you, but
you were being kind of an ass.
- So
- Fair.
Hey, you want to go grab a real coffee?
Ready to head out?
- You go ahead, Jerri.
- You sure? I-I can wait.
No, I'm good.
Also divorced. Going on
five years. Also two kids.
- One of them wants to be a lawyer.
- God forbid.
How long have you been in recovery?
Not long.
Just a few months this time.
"This time"?
You know what they say.
If at first you don't succeed
- And how many times have you
- Not succeeded?
Twice.
How about you?
- I just got my one-year medallion.
- Wow! Congratulations.
[CLACK]
- Do you miss it?
- Absolutely.
- Although, not as often.
- It does make life more calm.
- Mm-hmm.
- But, if I'm being honest
a little dull.
Just have to learn to find
your thrills elsewhere.
Ms. Bianchi.
Is that your foot?
[♪♪♪]
Shoot to thrill ♪
Shoot to thrill ♪
Cold as ice ♪
Cold as ice ♪
If you're gonna do it ♪
Better do it right ♪
Better do it right ♪
Ben?
Ben Cohen?
Harry Svensson! Ho!
Hey.
Ben, this is this is Joanne.
Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Ben is one of the
city's top prosecutors.
- Oh!
- I sent Abigail
to consult with him
on a case a while back.
Well, I see the consult was successful.
- Please. Stay for breakfast.
- Oh, no, I can't.
We've actually I've
got to get into court.
Well, you slept with my daughter,
you can at least stay for coffee.
[HARRY] Please, sit.
Great.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh.
This This is from Phil.
Chip Crombie had a
heart attack yesterday.
[JOANNE] How awful. Does
it say how he's doing?
- Or if he was with anyone?
- No, but, uh, if we're lucky
Don't say it.
I know you don't like
him, but think of Veronica.
- [♪♪♪]
- Now.
Let's hear all about you.
Oh.
[♪♪♪]
As long as you're
sponging off your mother,
it makes sense to take
one car to the office.
Except you are suspended and
shouldn't be at the office.
I have a right to use my treadmill.
- You have a gym in your condo!
- Other people use those treadmills.
- Did you hear about Chip Crombie?
- We did.
[DANIEL] You were in court yesterday.
Did you see anything?
You were in court yesterday.
Did you see anything?
Roz gave me the skinny.
Apparently, this lawyer blasted
Crombie in his courtroom,
accused him of bias against
her and her family
so he called her into his chambers.
People could hear him yelling
all the way down the hall,
then, boom heart attack!
[DANIEL AND HARRY] My office! Now!
[♪♪♪]
You can't cause a heart attack
by kicking someone in the nuts.
- I Googled it.
- This is not good.
How do you keep making things worse?
What if Chip is the
judge on the Bass divorce?
- Let's look on the bright side.
- What "bright side"?
- He might die.
- Great news!
Roz heard through the
grapevine that Chip's doctors
- expect him to make a full recovery
- [SLAM]
You need to get down to
the hospital and fix this, now!
- Want me to put a pillow over his face?
- No!
- Buy him flowers and apologize!
- [KNOCK-KNOCK]
- Mr. Svensson?
- Yes.
Your 9:00 is here, which
is now Ms. Bianchi's 9:00.
- Let me just take this meeting first.
- No!
I'll take the meeting, because,
what else do I have to do
now that Dad's suspended
[ROARS] and you're killing judges?
[CRAIG THE PUG HUFFS]
[CRAIG PANTS]
My mother is suing us.
- Your mother?
- For retroactive childcare payments.
She looked after Cyra
since she was a baby,
- until she turned two.
- And how old is Cyra now?
[FARHAN] She just turned three,
and with the most amazing vocabulary
Why would your mother do this?
Well, we had a tech
start-up Convergent.
[CECIL] Yeah, I've heard of it.
You sold it for a big
chunk of change last year.
[FARHAN] Yeah, well,
we put every ounce of our
energy into that company,
and now her mother
wants a piece of it.
I still can't believe it.
- Did you ask her to look after Cyra?
- No. She offered.
What about out-of-pocket expenses?
We made sure she had
everything she needed.
Food, Science World
membership, bus passes.
[FARHAN] Plus, we showed our gratitude
in so many other ways.
Vacations, theatre
tickets, fancy dinners
Did you have a contract?
No, of course not. She's Cyra's mamani.
Well, then, if there
was no formal agreement,
Cyra's mamani doesn't
stand much of a chance.
[FARHAN SIGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[CHIP] "Her skin so soft and clean,
her neck, so long and lean "
"Her hair, which
smells like apple pie
- she's my special girl "
- [CONSPICUOUS COUGH]
Sorry.
- Didn't mean to interrupt.
- [VERONICA] Abigail.
- [CHIP WHIMPERS]
- Come in, come in.
Chip was just reciting
the poem that he wrote for
me on our wedding anniversary.
Man of many talents.
Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna go get
you that extra blanket, okay?
- I'm not going anywhere.
- [CHUCKLES] Mm-hmm.
You got a lot of nerve, showing up here.
- I'm gonna charge you with assault!
- Try it!
I'm gonna charge you with assault.
And for the record, I saved your life,
- you miserable
- Chip!
Oh, my god! Potato Chip!
- I'm so glad you're okay.
- [CHIP WHIMPERS]
[MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY]
Excuse me! Who are you?
- I'm Chip's wife. Who are you?
- [CHIP GASPS LOUDLY]
- [PAINED GASP]
- [CARDIAC MONITOR RACES]
[HYPERVENTILATING]
Look, I don't know who you are
or how you know my husband.
He's my husband!
We live in Sumach Creek.
Didn't Chip have a
satellite office there?
- We tied the knot five years ago.
- Okay.
You need to visit the
psych ward two floors up.
Excuse me.
Which one of you is Mr. Crombie's wife?
- I am.
- I am.
Well, not me. Definitely not me.
Your husband has been
put in an induced coma.
- What?
- Who has power of attorney?
- I do.
- I do.
I don't know what kind of
sick game you are playing,
- but you need to go! Now.
- No, you need to go.
- No, you do.
- No, you do!
- Listen, you need to get out
- Ladies!
This is a hospital.
You need to take this elsewhere.
[♪♪♪]
Veronica, again, I'm so sorry.
[♪♪♪]
Two women were fighting
over Chip Crombie?
Did this other woman seem credible?
Honestly? It's it's hard to tell.
Maybe she's Chip's mistress.
Hears he's at death's door and
wants whatever she's been promised.
He wouldn't be the first judge
to have a girlfriend or two on the side.
Or the first lawyer.
Or the first psychologist.
- [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
- Well
I'm going to head back to my office.
Tackle Spelling Bee.
I'm gonna hit the little boys' room.
[♪♪♪]
What is he doing?
[♪♪♪]
You don't think
Harry's using Cecil as his mole.
Cecil!
Look. I hope there aren't
any hard feelings about
You kicking me out?
I just needed some space.
- My relationship with Kelly is
- Suffocating and co-dependent?
Still in the honeymoon phase.
Oh.
You know, Kelly thought you
could be an adult about this.
Well, as in most things, Kelly is wrong.
I'm glad we had this talk.
Made me realize I made
the right decision.
[♪♪♪]
Thanks, Jerri.
How was your coffee with Ben last night?
Good.
You know, I probably
don't need to remind you
that it's not a good idea
to date someone from A.A.,
especially if they're in
the early stages of recovery.
[CHUCKLES] Jerri.
We had coffee and shared a Nanaimo bar.
Are you really gonna fault me
for lending an ear to a new A.A. member?
- For being a mentor of sorts?
- No, of course not.
Abigail, is Ben going to
stay over again tonight?
I've just finished reading
this and I think he'd enjoy it.
- I'll make sure he gets it.
- I'd rather give it to him myself.
- Abigail's trading up.
- Oh.
- [KNOCKS]
- Ms. Bianchi?
Chip Crombie's wife is here to see you.
- Which one?
- Which one?
That woman banned me from the hospital.
Oh [SIGHS] "that woman" is his wife.
[VOICE BREAKS] No. I am.
Why won't anyone believe me?
Jeanie we've all known
Chip and Veronica for years
seen them at events, met their son.
Well, look. Look.
I have these photos of us.
I'm a server at the Seaglass Inn.
Chip would ask to sit in my section.
I don't doubt you had a relationship.
Look, a friend of mine
texted me a photo of
our marriage certificate.
[♪♪♪]
Okay. Okay. Here's what
we're gonna do. Ask your friend
to gather up anything that might prove
your relationship with Chip
- photos, receipts anything.
- Okay, yeah, I can do that.
And right when she does the death drop,
I turn over and Bowen's
sleeping. During Drag Race!
How does he sleep
with all those engines?
How are we even friends?
Mr. Bianchi just called.
He's stuck in court and
wondering if you can get Nico?
- Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Winston.
-
Cecil, I just texted you a
photo of a marriage certificate.
Find out if it's legit.
It's 4:45, Roz and I are going
to see the new Marvel movie.
Better get on it then!
[♪♪♪]
Hi.
- Hi, Mom!
- Hey, kiddo.
Aww.
Your dad got held up in
court, so my lucky day!
- Do you have any snacks? I'm starving.
- I don't.
But why don't we stop for
a treat on the way home?
I'm starving, too.
- Where's your mask and sword-thingie?
- Epée.
Yeah, I knew that.
I was just testing you. You passed.
It's right over there.
[♪♪♪]
Did that just fall from the
sky or did you manifest it?
- She gave it to me.
- Hmm?
You must be Abby.
And you must be
Isabelle.
[♪♪♪]
It is so nice to meet you.
Why are you here?
Well, when Frank couldn't
get in touch with you,
- he asked if I could swing by and
- Well! We're all good.
I'm here. Nico's mother is here.
Do you want any more of
Isabelle's banana bread?
- It's super good.
- Oh, I'm not hungry.
- But you said you were starving.
- The feeling passed.
Well, um, I'll be going.
- Bye, Nico.
- Bye, Isabelle.
So, Isabelle's a big baker, huh?
Her banana bread's the best.
But still not as good as the
stuff you get from Whole Foods.
She seems nice.
- She's okay.
- Just okay?
She works with little kids,
so she treats us like we're little kids.
She even tried to make
us do macaroni art.
[LAUGHS] Oh, Sofia must
have torn her head off!
The first time they met,
she gave Sofia this
pink-and-white headband,
and Sofia was like,
"Do you think I'm five?"
Poor Isabelle.
And she thinks it's
hilarious when she says,
"I live one province over"
because she lives on Alberta Street.
And her garden it's
filled with gnomes.
Gnomes?
And you should hear her laugh!
She sounds like a donkey in pain.
[GIGGLES AND BRAYS]
Okay, okay, let's not
make fun of the poor woman.
[♪♪♪]
- [ABBY GIGGLES AND BRAYS]
- Ugh, she sounds ridiculous!
- And dull perfect for Frank.
- Mother!
But enough about them I
want to hear about you and Ben.
Big step up from the
baby-faced fireman!
I don't recall asking for your opinion.
And it's great for the firm
to have a direct line to a prosecutor.
You never know when
we may need a favour.
Well, if it's good for the firm
- How did you two reconnect?
- You know, I should get to work.
Wait! Your father tells me
you're representing
Chip Crombie's mistress.
I'm pretty sure I'm
representing his wife.
- There's a marriage certificate.
- Easy enough to forge.
Which is why I'm getting it verified.
[♪♪♪]
Seriously, Harry? You
have a car service!
Why would I pay for that when
you can drive me for free?
[♪♪♪]
Have a good day.
What? It's 9:05!
I've been here since six,
working on the Bass case.
- And the rest of Dad's files.
- Mm, well, perks of partnership.
Well, income partnership.
- 'Morning.
- Hey, Luce.
Looking forward to dinner
tonight with you and Kelly.
Thanks so much for the invite.
What time do you want me
there, and what can I bring?
- Seven. And wine?
- Will do. Oh, and I promise,
I won't raid your fridge, or
leave my dishes in the sink,
or tell any inappropriate jokes.
Or any jokes, 'cause you're not funny.
What?
I'm late 'cause I was
doing everything you asked.
What'd you find out?
I spoke to the Justice of the Peace
whose signature was on
the marriage certificate.
She remembers marrying them.
And I went to the registrar's
office. Get a load of this.
[♪♪♪]
Divorce papers.
Filed ten days before
Chip married my client.
That's not my signature.
I didn't I didn't sign this.
This document is forged.
Figured as much.
And I think we all know who forged it.
Chip lied to you.
He lied to my client. He's a bigamist.
If the divorce papers were forged,
Chip's marriage to your client is void.
True, but under Part Five
of the Family Law Act,
a spouse of a void marriage
can apply for support and
division of property
and make no mistake,
we will be doing that.
Wait, what do you mean void?
- This can't be happening.
- Oh, God!
Maybe that's enough for one day?
Why don't we reconvene
once we get an update
on Chip's condition?
[♪♪♪]
Your Honor, Mrs. Shirazi
offered to look after Cyra,
and my clients repeatedly
showed their gratitude
with vacations, theatre
tickets, fancy dinners.
They're heartbroken that
Mrs. Shirazi has caused this rift,
but this was family helping family.
At no time did anyone discuss
financial compensation.
Counsel rests.
Mr. Grigoryan?
Your Honor, I'd like to call
Mrs. Shirazi to the stand.
Mrs. Shirazi, can you tell the
court about these "vacations"
your daughter and
son-in-law took you on?
They spent their days
in a private cabana on the beach.
I spent my days in the kiddie pool.
They went out for beautiful dinners.
I made ghormeh sabzi
for Cyra and myself.
And how many hours per day?
From six a.m. until Cyra went to bed,
around eight at night.
And these dinners and theatre tickets?
Chuck E. Cheese and
The Lion King on repeat.
I know all the words
to "The Circle of Life".
What happened when Cyra turned two?
They told me they no
longer needed my services.
[GRIGORYAN] And they
hired a full-time nanny?
Yes. Who they pay very well.
Now I hardly ever get
to see my granddaughter,
- except on holidays.
- [DANIEL] Objection! Relevance?
None of this matters
because there was no
contract between the parties.
- I'm just getting there, Your Honor.
- I'll allow it.
Mrs. Shirazi, was there an agreement?
Yes. I had a verbal
agreement with Farhan.
- Objection! This is unverifiable.
- Overruled.
I'd like to hear it.
I remember, because it
was Cyra's first birthday.
I was in the kitchen, cleaning up.
Farhan came in and said,
"When we are in a better position,
all your hard work will be rewarded."
I meant we'd get you a
gift basket or something!
Your Honor, I would like
to request an adjournment.
Granted.
- We'll reconvene tomorrow.
- [BANGS GAVEL]
[♪♪♪]
She took my comments
completely out of context!
But you confirmed that you said it.
You may want to consider coming
up with a low-ball dollar amount.
She is not getting a penny.
My mother caused so much
damage to our little girl
[♪♪♪]
We had to take Cyra
to the emergency room
when she was just 20 months old.
My mother let her make
mud pies in the yard
and she let her eat some.
- And Cyra got sick?
- No.
But it was a close call.
Was it, though?
And she put cheap sunscreen
on her, even though it had PABA!
- And fed her processed cereals.
- And canned soup!
Even though we told her Cyra
couldn't have refined sugar!
Then we'd find chocolate
wrappers in the garbage.
And we said no more than
one half-hour of Odd Squad.
And then there was the time we came home
and she had let Cyra draw happy faces
all over herself
with permanent marker.
[♪♪♪]
Jerri, love to chat.
But I have a thing, so.
This is dangerous. You know that, right?
It was just one night. He didn't
give me his letter sweater.
- He's less than three months sober.
- He didn't even speak last night.
- How do you know?
- My people who know people.
Okay, Angela Lansbury.
I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine.
It's fine! It's just a
little fun, that's all.
Now I really do have to go.
So, you give it a swirl
then a sniff.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Mm. You can really smell the wet leaves.
I'm getting a hint of paper bag.
[SCOFFS] This wine came recommended?
Highest-rated Pinot
Noir from the Okanagan.
In case you haven't already guessed,
my brother is a wine snob.
I prefer the term
"sommelier-in-training".
At least, that's what I say on the apps.
- You're dating again?
- Been out once or twice.
- Except they're all so
- Not Martina?
You don't have to tell
me. I know it's pathetic.
No, it's not. I mean,
we've all been there, right?
Anyway, I don't have time to date.
Had this couple foisted on me.
Her own mother is suing them
for retroactive childcare payments.
Whoa.
Wouldn't want to be at one
of their family dinners.
My clients insist she
was a terrible caregiver,
never listened to any of their rules.
Of course, she didn't.
When my mamère used
to visit from Quebec,
she'd spoil me rotten.
Let me stay up past bedtime,
watch way too much TV,
stuff me full of sweets.
Drove my mom crazy
that's what grandmas are for.
It's their job to break the rules.
[KELLY] That's how it
was in my household.
Here, babe.
[LUCY] That went well.
Your eggplant Parmesan was delicious.
Good.
- Everything okay?
- It's nothing.
No, say it.
He was here for over three hours
and didn't once ask
a question about you.
That's just Daniel.
It just made me a bit sad, that's all.
[♪♪♪]
[ALERT BUZZES AND PINGS]
[JEANIE] Why do you think
they wanted to meet with us?
They must have news about Chip.
Maybe.
And maybe Chip told them to
offer you a lump-sum payment
to try to bury this,
Stormy Daniels-style.
I wouldn't put anything past that snake.
Sorry.
I keep forgetting that
snake was your husband.
[♪♪♪]
- [JEANIE] How's Chip?
- [PHIL] His condition remains the same.
Then why did you insist on meeting?
I had a P.I. do some
sniffing in Sumach Creek.
He chatted with a fella
named Bobby Eldrin.
Bobby can you tell Jeanie's
lawyer what you told me?
Sure. So I tried to warn Jeanie
couple days before her wedding
told her I was pretty sure
that Chip fella was still married.
Hey, Jeanie!
- How's it goin'?
- [LID SLAPS SHUT]
[VERONICA] You knew.
You knew Chip was married.
- I
- [PHIL] The way I see it,
you have two choices either
you go back to Sumach Creek
and never speak of this again,
or you'd better hope
you look good in orange,
because I will have you charged
with conspiracy to commit fraud.
[♪♪♪]
Be straight with me did you know?
No!
It's true, Bobby tried to warn me,
but he's been asking me out for years.
Comes into the hotel
and tries all these
cheesy pick-up lines
"Did you just come out of
the oven? 'Cause you're hot."
I just thought he was jealous.
Well, surely, you must
have had your suspicions?
All the time Chip spent in Vancouver?
You must have Googled him.
Well, I'm not on social media, okay?
I-I come from a small town.
I don't need any more gossip.
You think I'm an idiot.
If you could see the
eligible men where I live
a catch is a guy who still
has most of his teeth.
Chip
he'd come by the inn
and we'd have these
fascinating conversations.
Were there times I wondered
if he had a mistress in Vancouver?
Yes, but
I was his wife.
And he always came back to me.
Wow.
Now you're showing up at
my workplace unannounced.
Your receptionist is A.W.O.L..
Well, you're gonna have
to stop stalking me.
Just be serious for a moment.
- Mm.
- Let's say
you know someone's a bigamist.
- Okay.
- And say, hypothetically speaking,
you're representing the second wife
of said bigamist
how much trouble would this woman be in
if she'd been warned the guy was married
and turned a blind eye?
Hypothetically speaking?
She could be charged with fraud,
which is a criminal offence.
All right. Thanks.
Yeah.
You know,
my sponsor thinks
whatever this is
is dangerous.
She's not wrong.
[♪♪♪]
So he really is a bigamist.
It's amazing he thought
he could get away with it.
Men like Chip think they're
smarter than they are.
And above the law.
Though why would anyone want
to be married to two people?
One's complicated enough.
Three-way relationships can work.
But not if two of them
don't know they're in one.
Well, I can see
how different women can fulfill
different parts of a man.
But why not just have an affair?
Ha! Right.
"The Harry Svensson School
of How to Tank Your Marriage."
The good news is,
whether he lives or dies,
his days on the bench are over.
- Hello, Lucy-Goosey!
- Hi, Dad.
I'm gonna take the rest
of my lunch into my office.
Luce, thanks so much for last night.
I had a great time.
- Of course, you did.
- What does that mean?
Can you name one thing
you learned about Kelly?
I learned that she prefers
fresh basil to dried?
It was all about you the entire night.
I'm your narcissistic supply.
Apparently, Lucy was my
narcissistic supply, so
don't feel too special.
Is your skirt on backwards?
No. This is the style.
- [KNOCKING]
- Daniel?
Clark Grigoryan is here to see you.
[♪♪♪]
Clark.
We're due in court in two
hours. What's going on?
My client is willing
to dismiss her claim
if your clients will pay
her a small, one-time payment
and grant her regular visits
with her granddaughter.
- Why the change of heart?
- She misses Cyra.
She hates the estrangement
from her daughter.
She should have thought
of that before suing her.
- The estrangement happened before that.
- But still she wants money.
She wants to feel valued.
I'll bring it to my clients.
Well better get back to work.
You've turned into a
halfway-decent lawyer, Clark.
Thank you.
You too. I mean
you're already halfway-dec [STAMMERS]
You're good I'd say.
Thank you.
And then Daniel said,
"You've turned into a
halfway-decent lawyer, Clark,"
- and then Clark said
- You're not fooling anyone!
We all know you're
using him as your mole.
Of course, I'm using Cecile as a mole.
He is a loyal employee.
Nobody else around here
will tell me anything.
Because you're suspended!
And now I hear you are about
to settle on the Jagdal file.
All you ever want to do is settle.
- That is not true.
- Where is the fight in you?
How the hell can you
win for Sabrina Bass?
Connery's lawyer is Cordelia Bernstein.
She is a pit-bull in court.
You cannot be a pug.
[♪♪♪]
[BELL DINGS]
Clark!
See you in court.
Granny's not getting a dime.
What? No!
Mrs. Shirazi,
you love your granddaughter
very much, is that right?
Of course.
In fact, you spoiled
her rotten, didn't you?
I suppose I did.
My mamère did the same thing.
She would arrive from Quebec
with a suitcase full of treats for me
indulge my every whim.
My folks said I was miserable
for weeks after she left.
- Objection, relevance?
- Sustained.
Mr. Svensson, let's avoid
the trips down memory lane.
Forgive me, Your Honor.
Mrs. Shirazi,
your daughter and son-in-law
had a lot of rules, didn't they?
All parents are overprotective
of their first child.
Sure, but let's be honest
their rules bordered on ridiculous.
Did you follow their rules?
Not always.
If it was raining, we'd
watch my soaps together.
And of course, I gave her sweets!
She loved them so much
especially my halva.
You worked for years at
a desk job, is that right?
Yes. I was an administrative
assistant at an insurance firm.
- And did they have rules?
- Of course.
- Did you follow those rules?
- Of course! It was my job.
Exactly! Just like their
nanny follows their rules
in a way you never did, 'cause
you were not an employee
you were a grandmother.
If you had been an employee,
you would've been
fired on the first week
for your flagrant
disregard for their rules.
I have no further
questions, Your Honor.
That was harsh, Mr. Svensson,
but I must agree.
Mrs. Shirazi's claim is without merit.
I'm dismissing it.
Mrs. Shirazi is not
entitled to any compensation.
I do, however, urge both parties
to repair the rift this has caused,
for the sake of the child.
- Adjourned.
- [BANG]
[♪♪♪]
That was cold, bro.
[PARVIN] Thank you
so much, Mr. Svensson.
Justice was served.
I'll be sending my bill.
Don't try paying me in gift baskets.
[♪♪♪]
Hi-hi.
You'll have to scrounge up
dinner for yourself tonight,
because your father and I are
going out on Gabby Lipton's yacht.
Thought you and Gabby weren't speaking?
Oh, that was last week.
Mm. Aw. Poor Veronica.
I can't imagine how she must be feeling.
- Can't you?
- Time to get going, gorgeous.
Yeah, I remember when I found out
your father was cheating on
me with Daniel's mother
I was furious at her.
But then I directed it at
the right person, didn't I?
Do you remember when I lit
your Alfa Romeo on fire?
All too well.
Bye-bye!
Wait, honey!
[♪♪♪]
[ASTONISHED CHUCKLE]
Veronica? Hi.
What the hell is she doing here?
Please, she just wants
to see Chip one last time.
And then she'll head
back to Sumach Creek
and you'll never have to see her again.
Chip, I just wanted to say that,
in spite of the grief
that you've caused,
I pray for your full recovery.
And I'm going to try to hold
on to the good memories
like the beautiful poem
that you wrote for me
on our wedding day.
"Her skin, so soft and clean,
her neck, so long and lean
Her hair, which smells like apple pie
She's my special girl "
[OVERLAPPING] "not gonna lie."
Veronica?
Do you think you might
be directing your anger
at the wrong person?
[♪♪♪]
So, wait. When he told me
that he was at a
conference in Florida
Yeah. He was with me in Honolulu.
Oh, my god.
Last June, my diamond
earrings went missing.
My birthday's in June! He gave me these.
Did he write you a
poem about your vagina?
"There's never been one fin-a."
[ASTONISHED CHUCKLE]
I have good news. Mr.
Crombie has woken up.
[♪♪♪]
Veronica, sweetheart.
Jeanie, sweetheart
Abigail, swee what?
Oh, Chip. I'm so glad you're alive.
Because it would've been disappointing
not to be able to tell you
I'm leaving you.
- [JEANIE] Me too.
- You better hire a really good lawyer.
And you can't have this one.
[♪♪♪]
- You this was all you.
- Shh, Chip.
Enough of your jibber-jabber.
You're not giving
yourself enough credit.
This was all you.
[♪♪♪]
[LUCY] You were great tonight, babe.
Your right hook
Who knew, right?
- I call first shower.
- Oh!
[CHUCKLES]
[PHONE BUZZING]
Maggie?
- [MAGGIE] Who's this?
- This is Kelly. Lucy's girlfriend.
- Could I please speak to Lucy?
- She wants nothing to do with you.
Do not attempt to contact her again.
[BEEP]
[♪♪♪]
"There's never been one fine-a."
- No!
- [LAUGHING]
"The staggering beauty of
your bare, candy-apple derriere."
[CHORTLES]
Marry me, Chip!
"And you know what is the best
the twin sisters on your chest."
[LAUGHING HARDER]
It was the perfect ending.
It would've been so
much less fun if he died.
[LAUGHTER CARRYING]
[INDISTINCT EXCHANGE]
[♪♪♪]
Isn't that
- Yeah.
- Hey.
I know what you need.
[♪♪♪]
This must be the place.
Ready?
Ready.
["NO STRESS" BY CMD/CTRL PLAYS]
Mm, mm-mm ♪
Mm-mm ♪
Mm-mm-mm Mm-mm ♪
Mm-mm ♪
Mm-mm ♪
[GASPS]
Breathe in ♪
Time to break in ♪
No stress ♪