Insecure (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

1 - Do we have water? - Check the fridge.
ISSA DEE: Is everybody okay, though? I was so high.
I thought I got tased.
Beyoncé or bust, bitches! [GIRLS CHEER.]
ISSA: We came here to have a good fucking time, and celebrate Tiffany.
ISSA: Kelli, no! - Beyoncé or - [TASER FIZZES.]
- [KELLI'S BODY THUDS.]
- KELLI: Remember me different.
- ISSA: What's wrong? - I really pushed myself to party with y'all.
We wanted one last hurrah before the baby came.
Ay! You see this? Hey! Issa.
Lawrence.
Hey [SLURPEE STRAW GURGLES.]
What have you been up to? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
I feel like we need more Support.
For our power users.
That's it.
[BOTH MOANING.]
[MOANING.]
- Hey.
Hey.
Give her the money.
- [MEN WHOOP.]
MAN: Boy, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Hey, hey, hey, y'all get out.
Thank you.
But leave them spring rolls! Goodbye.
Yeah.
I don't even know how she found out.
I mean, she could at least send a text or something.
That's just polite.
All my grandmothers were there.
But it's cool.
Watch your step 'Cause all this juice is on the loose CHAD: I'm good.
It's cool.
I'm good.
[BOTH GRUNTING AND MOANING.]
You should always use protection.
This juice on the loose ISSA: [ECHOING.]
What have you been up to? Nothin' much.
Ooh, I'm not sorry Stay sick 'cause I follow my gut CLERK: So, you want to throw a block party with live music.
Yes! We'd use local vendors, local artists, and all the acts would be people of color, so Well, you'll need a form for each act.
How many? Um, can I get, like, seven? Actually, eight.
You know, 'cause some of the acts are TBD.
But I am on my way to D'in' 'em.
[LAUGHS.]
So you gonna go profit or nonprofit? It's a different form for each.
It is? Uh, well, let me get both.
[SCOFFS.]
Just between us, and I mean this in the nicest way, stop.
- What? - Events like this, in our community, they never work.
Or they always end up bein' janky.
Nah, well, that's why I'm doing it, you know? 'Cause we shouldn't have to leave our neighborhood to have something nice.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[SIGHS.]
I don't know what you just said, but you know who does? God.
So were you thinking sometime next year? Actually, I was thinking, like, in a month or two? That's not gonna be enough time.
No, you're gonna need alcohol, food permits.
Then there's insurance, security, and alcohol.
I say it twice, 'cause people are gonna wanna drink.
Can I just fill these out right here? No.
Next! [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Thanks.
This is a lot.
Maybe I bit off more than I can chew.
It's a good idea, Iss.
It's just a couple of forms.
Or a uh, it's a lot of forms.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I don't think I can do this by myself.
You know, I just wanted to do something for my neighborhood, and it's Just take it one step at a time, all right? Oh, by the way, um, can you remind your girl that Andrew still has her jacket? Oh, yeah, I'm sure she forgot.
She stays cold.
She got low iron.
Her mama do, too.
It runs in the family.
You got this, Iss.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
This one's for you - If you say so.
- [NATHAN LAUGHS.]
I think I made it I think I made it 'cause I'm always smiling And you are the reason, now, girl I can't explain it - [PHONE BUZZES.]
- It's all in the timing I had to get low I had to get low - - I had to get back - - I had to report I had to get facts 'Cause you're just that You that You share your truths with me - - And I find them true A muse - - You in the booth with me - La la la la la - [TEXT "SENT" SOUND.]
Oh, hey! Thank you so much, Karen, for doing that.
I'd have gone myself, but I just tryin' to maximize my time.
No problem! I love baby showers.
- Mm.
- My boyfriend and I were talking about what our baby might look like.
He's albino, so there's a wide range of outcomes.
Mm-hmm.
Karen.
Can you move my 2:00 to 2:15? I want to squeeze in some time with Taurean so we can get ahead on this.
Mm-hmm.
Ain't nobody ask you about your man.
So, I was thinking, once next year comes around, this street in front of the Miracle Theater might be nice.
You here? Yeah, yeah, my bad.
Um yeah, that looks cool.
Nah, I was just I was just thinkin', like how do you know when it's real? Oh, they got Yelp reviews.
And I been there, so No.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm talkin' about, like Oh.
I mean it feels pretty real to me.
Yeah, it does.
I really like you.
- [ISSA LAUGHS.]
- What? I just didn't know we were allowed to say that shit.
And I really like you, too.
I don't always like people.
Me, neither.
People are trash.
- Bleh.
- [LAUGHS.]
[GROANS AND SIGHS.]
[WHISPERS.]
Yeah.
Just do it, just do it.
Hey! It's been a while.
Yeah, it's me.
Lawrence.
From from the yacht.
Chlamydia.
No.
Yeah.
Chlamydia.
Sorry to call you like this.
Sorry to call you like this.
Sorry to call you like this.
Hey, you know, uh, sorry to call you like this, but, um I'm so sorry.
I, uh, I just wanted to let you know that [SIGHS.]
you should get checked.
WOMAN: Why? We didn't sleep together.
- We didn't? - Wow.
You can't even keep track of who you been fuckin'? - The.
Worst.
- [STAMMERS.]
[PHONE CLICKS AND BEEPS.]
Hello ? [SIGHS.]
Aah! Hey.
Mr.
Robinson.
Can you please try harder to clean up after your dog? I don't have no dog.
[DOG BARKING.]
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE BUZZING.]
[BUZZING.]
WOMAN: Hi, Sharon from Lyft here.
There's an open investigation involving an assault in your vehicle.
We'd like to get a statement from you.
Please call us back.
[CLICK.]
MOLLY: Hey.
I could've come up to you.
Oh, no, it's fine.
Uh, thanks for this.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.
All good.
I wasn't gonna sell it till at least Tuesday, so [LAUGHS.]
Thanks for holding off.
- Well, I gotta run.
- So, how you been? Uh good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks again for coming all the way down here.
Hey, you, uh you ever been to Preux and Proper? Uh, no.
Not yet.
I'm taking you there.
Let's go tomorrow.
I have a lot goin' on at work right now.
So can I get back to you? Yeah.
Get back to me.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Hit me I hear that you get them girls on your phone Say leave me alone They be checkin' on my Twitter Think they know me, they don't, everything Girl, I'm not goin' out with that nigga.
Girl, what's the problem? Andrew's cute! And he must really like you, 'cause I would've thrown that jacket away and chalked it up to God.
Which one is Andrew? Is he the black one or the Asian one? The Asian one.
Good, 'cause I been fuckin' the black one.
A lot.
OK, well, why aren't you excited about him? Is it 'cause he's Asian? 'Cause no judgment! But judgment.
Uh, I've dated outside my race before, but I know I want to end up with a black man, so what is the point? The point is, you are single.
You are very single.
- ISSA: Tell her.
- KELLI: You are so single, a tumbleweed just rolled out your pussy.
OK, everybody calm down.
Listen, I don't have time to catch him up on the culture, teach him about red beans and rice.
There are a lot of Jewish men who only date Jewish women, and nobody calls them out! So, why can't I be Orthodox Black? 'Cause that's not a religion.
Uh, speak for yourself.
That's my religion.
Kelli, shut up.
You don't even go to church.
I go on important days! Like when I come back from Miami.
The Lord knows I get turnt.
Molly, just try it out! I don't care what you say.
I'm not going out with him.
- Thank you.
- ISSA: Hm.
It's a shame to be all closed-minded and ignorant.
- Wow.
- ISSA: I'm just sayin', sometimes, people can surprise you.
Like Nathan! He surprised the shit out of me.
Is Nathan the black one? Kelli, can you learn a nigga's name for once? You are not fuckin' my man.
Uh, excuse me? Your "man"? - Ugh, did I say that? - Yes.
- Out loud.
- My bad.
OK, I gue I guess I'm happy! I don't know, he's the first guy I've been into since Lawrence, and in a real way, not a Daniel way.
- Ooh! - Oh, my God.
Issa, that's huge.
Black love.
Yeah, Nathan is pretty great.
And, he's like super supportive of my projects, too.
What projects you doin'? Should I tell y'all? Yeah, I'll tell y'all! So, I'm about to throw a block party.
And I got a lot of work to do.
But I already know where I want it to be, and I got a business name! "Musiqal, Inc.
" But "musical" with a "Q," 'cause we put together events "quickly.
" [BOTH LAUGHING, SNORTING.]
- MOLLY: Wait, was you ? - You were so confident when you said it! - Y'all laughing out of support, or ? - MOLLY: "Quickly.
" "Quickly" change the name! - - Oh, you're you're cute.
- KELLI: Oh - MOLLY: "With a 'Q'"! - MOLLY: Oh, you mad? - She mad! What, hold up.
You know that's crooked, right? Damn, it is.
Yeah, we should get to the shower early tomorrow to help Tiffany set up and shit.
You right.
Kelli, you find anything good in that Gladys Knight cookbook yet? What do y'all think of these? Do these cupcakes say, "Congratulations on your light-skinned baby"? Right? 'Cause it's all light.
Every layer is light.
But then there are little chocolate bits, to remind him, you still a nigga.
- Makes sense.
- I can see it.
Fuck, nigga! You made the calls? You never make the calls.
"Survival of the fittest.
" Charles Darwin.
Look that shit up.
Ohh! It's just it's embarrassing, man.
I mean, I'm 32 years old.
Can't keep doin' this shit.
You know, it's gotta be more to my life than just goin' to work and fuckin'.
No, man, you're good.
And I'm good, too.
Got a California King all to myself.
You know the bitch never used to make the bed? I had to.
I ignored the signs.
That's my fault.
You titty-fucked two strippers.
That's your fault.
Yeah, look, it's OK if you hurt, man.
I know how No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, I'm good.
I'm doin' great.
I'm unbothered.
Happy.
Everything happens for a reason.
- The reasons that we're here - Don't do that.
There's Derek.
What up, Derek? Don't touch my food, please.
You can't catch it through fries, nigga.
That's what you say.
Hey, Daddy.
Nope.
Not gonna say it like that again.
What's up, though, man? How you feelin'? Countdown! Yeah-ha, you know what? I feel good.
Life is a fuckin' champion, and I'll be a dope-ass father, man.
That's what's up.
I was gonna be a dope-ass husband too, but you know, Leah was all over the place.
That's why I had to cut her ass loose.
- Chad, she broke up with you.
- That's your perspective.
- You cheated on her.
- I apologized.
She can take a nigga back.
Lawrence.
Would you take Issa back? Hell, naw.
[STAMMERS.]
You know what I'm sayin', I'm not mad anymore.
I just I can't not see her as a cheater.
Mm-hm.
Tell it.
Hmph.
Chad, didn't you do the same thing Issa did? Yeah, but she a ho.
She's not a ho.
She just did some ho shit.
You know your boy got chlamydia? Ha! What? - Could you not - What? - "Had.
" Had.
- Got.
It's part of your story now.
- Doesn't matter.
- Check! Never trust a bitch, never trust a bitch Never trust a bitch, gossipin' and talkin' shit ISSA: Ooh, what if I did a New Orleans theme? You think the city would just turn a blind eye to people drinkin' in the street? No, girl.
That's how you get arrested.
Well, that's why I got you.
I got friends in high places - that are lawyers.
- [SCOFFS.]
OK.
Oh, my God.
Girl, this is so Tiffany! Is it me, or are there a bunch of people here we don't know? AHMAL: Where the Henny fountain at? Oh.
You know your loud-ass brother.
- Hey.
- That's crooked.
And y'all late.
It hasn't even started yet.
Shut up.
Are these your friends, Ahmal? No.
Hey, so nice of you guys to bring this.
I'm just gonna put it over there.
- It's so beautiful.
- Thanks? I'm Blair, by the way.
Part of Tiff's "Crazy Crew.
" That's what she's calling all of us on the planning committee.
- Crazy Crew? - Planning committee? I thought Tiffany was planning this on her own.
- Yay! - Hey! - You made it! - MOLLY: Yeah! We came here early to help out, but are we late? Oh, no.
The Crazy Crew just wanted to get here early early.
- It's no biggie.
- No, I came early because I'm hopin' my baby will too! [BOTH CACKLING.]
Well, we're here now.
How can we help? I mean, Blair, you know, she's got it all under control.
She's great.
Oh, the best.
We love her.
Mm-hmm, so um Oh! Ashley! You can help her with the chairs.
If you want.
Mm-kay.
All these bitches.
Who Ashley? Her sister.
This her house.
Oh.
She should be here.
Golden child So, if we want to hang with her, we're gonna have to sign a non-disclosure.
- Yo, heah.
- Hey hey! - What up? - What's good, boss? Lawrence, this is Condola.
- Kim, Nimani.
- How y'all doin'? What's happenin'? So, uh, coed baby shower, bruh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Niggas are mad disgruntled.
It's all good.
Hey.
- This for the baby.
- Thank you.
And this one is just for you.
- Cigars? - OG kush.
You a black king, bro.
Don't you ever forget that.
I'm gonna leave you with that.
Issa's man.
- LAWRENCE: Wow.
- [CONDOLA LAUGHS.]
Serena, B.
, Cardi.
She really went for it.
Yeah, I guess you gotta do it for the 'Gram, right? - Who's is this tryin' to be? - I don't know.
I feel like she's just trying to establish herself as an icon.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I helped direct the Diddy White Party last year, and it was subtle by comparison.
[GIGGLES.]
- What's up? - Derek told me you got kush.
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Thank you.
What the fuck is that? [LINE OUT RINGING.]
RECORDING: The person you're calling has a voicemail that has not been set up yet.
Girl, the Crazy Crew is driving me crazy.
[IMITATING SINGSONG VOICE.]
They all talk like this.
And it's annoying as fuck.
What's wrong with you? Nathan hasn't been picking up.
He hasn't hit me back in a minute.
What's a minute? Like a day and a half.
It's weird.
And he never hit me back about that Lyft thing either.
You want me to try calling him from my phone? Oh, nah, I'm gonna see him later.
- Yeah.
- OK.
Oh, my God.
This is just like high school.
I didn't have a phone in high school.
Or a man.
- Girl.
- [LINE OUT RINGING.]
He don't have his voicemail set up? [LAUGHS.]
He a nigga.
Speaking of.
Tall nigga alert.
[CHATTER.]
MOLLY: Damn! Don't he ever stay home? And no Candice.
Again.
I should probably go say hi to Lawrence.
Girl, no! 'Cause then I gotta go say hi to Dro.
- Go help Tiffany! - What It's somethin' about you Hey.
Hey, Issa.
Wantin' to know you Well, um um [AWKWARD LAUGHTER.]
It's good to see you.
Again.
Yeah, you too.
Oh, I saw, uh, Frieda in Target the other day.
She was havin' this whole Sophie's Choice moment over detergent? I was gonna say hi, but I don't know, I just felt like it was gonna be a whole thing.
Yeah, it would've.
Especially 'cause I quit.
Really? Wow.
That's Wh What made you do it? Oh, I I just felt inspired.
And it seemed like it was the right time.
That's That's big.
It feels like it.
And, you know, I'm workin' on this new thing.
Yeah, it's like, I'm tryin' to throw a block party.
For real? I'm still figuring it out, so I'm workin' on it.
I kinda get how challenging it is to do something on your own.
So you workin' on a business plan? [LAUGHS.]
If you need my help, I No, you right, I am, I am.
It's so much paperwork.
- I bet a lot of permits, too.
- I don't fuck with permits.
We gonna party till they kick us out.
Actually, I really need those permits.
Yeah.
Yo, so it's hard, steppin' out on your own.
Yeah.
How are things with you? Good.
Yeah, you know, just takin' things easy.
They're giving me more to do at work.
My projects are going great.
And, you know, they still give me those free triple XL t-shirts.
[LAUGHS.]
Good one.
They go down to here.
Lawrence, it's You really have your shit together.
I'm proud of you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You know, I'm I'm tryin'.
By the way, if you know anyone that can help me with this whole business shit, I would really appreciate it.
- All right.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
You played this game yet? No, not yet.
What is it? - Are these diapers? - I dunno Ohh! Whoa! [SNIFFS.]
Is that chocolate? You should try that.
- No! - A little bit.
- I was about to say you try it.
- Oh, no, but I think Tiffany would appreciate it if you tried it.
- You're full of shit.
- No, you are about to be [LAWRENCE, ISSA LAUGHING.]
full of shit.
Go ahead.
Hey.
Are we talkin' now? It's cool? I mean, our boundaries and all, right? For real? Is this how we gonna start? I'm just sayin'.
You know what? Thank you for the reminder that this shit was a waste of time.
Yup.
[SIGHS.]
You don't like me, say it to my face Why don't we just save those for later? MOLLY: Hey, Kelli.
So what you're saying is, you're not gonna put out my cupcakes? Do you know how long it takes to make a healthy version of this butterscotch-caramel-egg custard chocolate shit? Sorry, Kelli, the table only has room for one signature dessert.
So you're saying no to Gladys Knight's cupcakes.
You better Midnight Train these muthufuckas to the table.
- Kelli.
- AHMAL: Wow! Is that the official cake? Nobody else should ever try.
- Issa told me you can't read.
- OK.
MOLLY: Hey, hey, hey, Kelli.
So you know, we're here for Tiffany We're all going to gather in the next room for gifts.
Oh! Are these backup cupcakes? Yay! - "Backup.
" - No.
Mm-mm.
No.
Kelli! She don't know what she sayin'.
Wait.
Kelli, wait! You can't leave, it'll just make things worse! You don't get it because you have Issa, OK? Just let me go.
Tiffany won't even notice I'm gone.
- That's not true, Kelli.
- It is true.
OK? And I'm not tryin' to be selfish, but I'm losin' my best friend to a goddamn baby.
- Why does that baby hate me? - The baby does not hate you.
It do! That baby do! What are y'all doin' out here? Why weren't we on your planning committee? Yeah, I mean, we're closer to you than Blair.
You could have at least included us.
Hold up.
None of y'all even offered to throw me a baby shower.
As a matter of fact, Blair asked, and I held off, hoping that one of you would, and you didn't.
My life was all over the place.
I was crashin' at Daniel's, I was broke, you know, I - And I was switchin' jobs.
- TIFFANY: So? I'm having my first child.
We're always gon' have life shit.
Well, even if we asked, it wasn't like you was gonna let us plan it.
Of course not, but I still would have let us fake do it together.
OK, I agree, these bitches whack as fuck.
But when I asked you, you said you had it handled.
Blair asked to do it, and, you know, she's a mother, so I just thought she'd be helpful.
So because I don't have a baby, I couldn't do that for you? You can But? Oh, nothin' Don't last forever So I wouldn't DEREK: Let me see that.
Is she talkin' to me? [IMITATES BABY NOISES.]
Oh, hey, thank you.
You OK? Mm-hm.
Yeah.
This making you want kids? [SCOFFS.]
Girl, I I don't know.
I mean, Tiffany's over here on first baby, I'm not even on first date.
Well, you said you didn't have time to date right now and you weren't checkin' for Andrew, so Bitch, can you stop quoting my quotes? How was Lawrence? You know what? It was cool.
I think I'm finally over him? Wow.
- Really? - I mean, I love him and I always will, but it's time to move on.
Well, cheers to that.
Nathan better know how lucky he is.
CANDICE: Hey, everybody! Sorry I'm late.
Biiiiitch.
- Candice! - Hi! How ya doin'! - Oh, hey! - Hey! Hi! OK, so, did I miss everything? God, I hope I missed everything.
[CACKLING.]
No, no, you're just in time for gifts.
Oh! Perfect.
Oh, you two are having a little moment Oh, no.
I got a moment with Issa, like, every day.
Looks like a moment.
Let me go say hey to Tiff.
[ISSA, MOLLY LAUGHING.]
Oh, hey! You good? [SIGHS.]
Hey.
You leavin'? Yeah, man, you know, I'm about Baby Bingo'd out, brah.
Yeah.
I saw you and Iss talking.
Yeah, man, you know, uh, I knew I was gonna see her today, but, uh, it just it felt different.
You know, she's different.
That's cool.
TIFFANY: Daddy? Mommy needs you! Yeah.
It sound better when she say it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'm tired.
We're slavin'.
- Girl.
[SIGHS.]
Y'all don't have to do that.
BOTH: We got it.
Where's Kelli? Uh, I think I saw her leave like 30 minutes ago.
Oh.
Uh, yeah.
She said she had to get up early for work or somethin'.
- Um, yeah.
- MOLLY: Mm-hm.
Yeah.
She did say that earlier.
About work.
Mm-hmm.
And you know Kelli does not play about her money.
She be like, [GRUFF VOICE.]
: "Bitch, where's my money?!" In that voice? That's how she sounds to me.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
And Tiffany, I just have to say that this was a lovely shower.
- So great.
- You are gonna make a phenomenal mom.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
Thank you, girl.
Speaking of babies, Molly, why didn't you tell me Candice and Dro are having a baby? - What? - You ain't know? Oops.
Not my news to share.
But oops, she did tell me at my baby shower, so who's stealin' whose thunder? Huh! Wha I'm sorry, girl.
That nigga is [PHONE BUZZING.]
I'm sorry, I gotta take this.
- Hello? - WOMAN: Hi.
Ms.
Dee? - Yes.
- We thought you'd like to know that we've closed the investigation.
We spoke to Nathan Campbell, and he gave us a statement.
Uh, you spoke to him? T-Today? - Yes.
- Uh, OK.
That's great.
Thank you.
These familiar artifacts will never feel brand new To tell you the truth I think I always knew They tell you life is but a dream But they wanna sell you down the stream You won't get ahold of me So! You better run Better leave this place Get lost and go a different way Go left, go left Go left, go, go, hey Head for the sun, you're so outer space When the man's getting on your case Go left, go left Go left, go, go, hey Yeah, I said fuck the papers I said fuck the news It makes me feel frustrated When they take me for a fool Alarm bells ringin' out But you'd rather press snooze What do you think? Yeah, I think I always knew They tell you life is but a dream But they wanna sell you down the stream You won't get ahold of me, so You better run, better leave this place Get lost and go a different way Go left, go left Go left, go, go, hey Head for the sun, you're so outer space When the man's gettin' on your case Go left, go left Go left, go, go, hey You better run away