Jersey Shore s03e06 Episode Script
Should We Just Break Up?
What have I done, bro? Dude, you haven't done anything.
I haven't done [bleep.]
.
I love you, bro.
- I'm sorry, like, for everything.
- And I'm sorry.
Ron, are you friends with her? Let me know now.
Are you friends with her? I want to go.
How can I enjoy my life living with an ex-boyfriend? Tell me.
Okay.
'Cause you need sucky things in life to make you stronger.
I'm truly blessed.
It turns out you guys are really good people, and it took me a lot to realize that.
I'm gonna take it day by day and work on the relationship with Ron, my boyfriend, but also with everybody in this house, including Jen.
I unfortunately punched Ron in the face, and in some way it kind of brought the house a lot closer.
I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch! All right, we got a situation.
I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! The drama between me, Sam, and Ron has gone on way too long, and now I'm glad that the drama's over, and hopefully we can move on from this.
That was mine.
My shot! Everyone's having a good time.
Everyone's getting along in the house.
But, once again, one step forward, two step backs.
Yes.
Yes.
In Miami, Ron got [bleep.]
faced to a point where he was incoherent, so I'm scared, a little bit nervous that the same thing's gonna happen.
Everybody bounce.
Let's go.
Take take 'em if you want.
Let's go.
We're walking home.
Let's go.
Vinny's good.
Vinny's good.
I got to make sure Vinny's okay.
Where's our [bleep.]
cab? Come on, girl.
Um, I'll take you up here.
Come on.
I'm with Ronnie.
Don't worry about a thing.
Doggies! Here's a t-shirt.
- It's purple.
- I know.
It says - It's all right it's purple.
- Says "situation" on it.
- Does it? - Yeah.
Look.
You want this or no? - Please heat it up.
- Yeah.
Where's Nicole? [Bleep.]
this.
[Bleep.]
.
- [bleep.]
.
- Ron, I'm making you food.
Whatever.
Ron, here.
Look what I got you, baby.
Here.
I got you something.
The room at this point is doing [bleep.]
somersaults, Spinning.
It's flipping.
Doing 360s.
I'm likeUgh! You gonna throw up Yeah? You gonna throw up, Ron? You all right, baby? Oh, my God.
I hate throw-up.
I don't do throw-up.
I get really sick.
I start throwing up.
If I smell throw-up, that's the end of it.
I can't stay there.
Ew, poop! I just stuck my hand in your throw-up.
Aah! That's where you are? Oh, my God.
Gotta get her out of here.
Baby? I got, like, 20 feet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do this.
Ow.
Ow, ow.
Ow, stop.
I got you.
Just go right there.
I don't know what happened.
I don't care.
- Guess where I found her? - Where? In my dog thing.
- Sleeping? - Sleeping.
Get the [bleep.]
out of here.
Oh, I feel like [bleep.]
.
Uh, I wake up this morning, and my stomach's not agreeing with me.
And it's just all messed up.
- What? - What? I need to go to the bathroom.
Ron, talk to me.
- I'll be all right.
- No, what? The look on his face, you could just tell something's not right.
Really? I don't know if it's from the alcohol, or - Do you want me to go with you? - Yeah.
Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his ass? I have no idea.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- How's it going? - Uh, not so good.
Yeah.
I hear.
Has that area ever been checked before? - Um, no.
- No.
- I mean, I get checkups, but - Never there.
Um, what were gonna do is, we're gonna check out the area.
We're not gonna do anything crazy, so you don't have to worry.
We're not gonna, um, you know, do any scopes, or anything crazy like that.
You know Nobody likes the snap of the rubber gloves, Ron.
- So don't worry about it.
- Yeah.
You're just gonna feel a little bit of lubricating jelly, okay? All right, again, I promise I won't do anything graphic.
I'm just gonna take a look.
Ron, I'm just gonna touch a couple of areas.
Tell me if you feel pain, okay? - How about here? - No.
Good.
- Here.
- No.
How about deeper in through here? yah-ee Almost through here.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Is there any pain around the rim at all? - No.
- No, good.
We're done.
I'm like, "doc, come on, you can at least buy me dinner.
" [bleep.]
.
I don't move that fast on the first date.
Um, and the bleeding should stop.
- Okay.
- Okay? I would probably stay away from alcohol.
The doctor said that I messed up my [bleep.]
Because I pretty much need to control my drinking, and that's what I'm gonna do.
- Did you have clamps or anything? - No.
He just went No, he didn't stick his hand up there.
He didn't [bleep.]
my crack.
It's not a [bleep.]
hardcore porno.
It was wrong of me to laugh.
Who wants to bleed out of their butt? I wouldn't.
It's not hemorrhoids, or anything like that.
He's gonna give me cream.
- Cream? - Yeah.
It was uncomfortable with his finger in my butt.
I am so excited to bring home your typical, seaside guido.
You were engaged? She's a good girl.
You could get hurt, dog.
U better send roses to the house.
You feel me? Roses, dog.
With pickles in 'em.
Fried pickles! We're actually not gonna go get our nails done today, Nick.
We're not? You want to go tomorrow between shifts? Okay.
Me and you will go run errands at the pharmacy.
- Yeah, I'll go with you.
- All right.
I hate when girls say they never masturbated.
They're tying.
- I'm like, "come on, really?" - They're lying.
"Really? You never ever masturbate?" "you never tried it and it was a phenomenal?" I remember when you asked Sam.
She said she never.
- Really? It's a lie.
- Well, I did.
I think masturbating is healthy.
- It is healthy.
- It Is.
What's wrong with that? Me, Deena, and Jenni, every time we have a conversation, it's a [bleep.]
ed up conversation.
We have no shame when it comes to discussing what goes on in our sex life.
You work your muscles.
Remember I did it all day once? And the next day, I couldn't even move.
*** I turn the corner, and there's Nicole on a little tricycle.
Okay.
Let's go down this way.
- Do you guys have eyelash glue? - In aisle three on your left side.
Blecch! Oh, my God.
I cut a corner to get in the other aisle, and the frickin' handlebars fall off.
I don't want to pay for it.
Ooh, put it back.
Put it back.
I never had this.
Let's go about our day.
Slip 'n slide.
The tricycle's 150 bucks.
We're not paying for this little thing, so we wedged the handlebars back on, and, like, kind of, like, shoot it away and run.
She's so needy, this one.
She reminds me of myself.
That one reminds me of me, a wild animal.
Really? You guys not getting ready? - Really? - You look mad hot.
- I want to make out with you.
- You should probably do that.
Can I make out with you as well? - That'd be a good time.
- I get it first.
*** can come too.
Yeah, all three of us.
- Can we? - Yeah.
What the [bleep.]
? Bye.
Ugh, he's so hot.
I know.
I would totally do it.
- Yeah, me too.
- I'm gonna do it tonight.
He's so [bleep.]
hot.
I told him, I'm taking his sperm and I'm making babies out of it.
- Hey, what's up, Petey? - Yo.
What, are you guys stuck in traffic still? There was an accident, but we're not far at all.
Where are we gonna meet you at? Karma, or? Yeah.
And we're leaving in, like, five, ten minutes.
- All right.
I'll see you over there.
- All right, buddy.
wanna get together tonight 'cause it is the weekend baby come along with me let's get crazy Let's go.
Let's go.
and this private conversation is an interview to make it clear that Tonight's gonna be a good night.
I got my boys coming from home.
I got my boy Petey, Dario, and my boy Chris.
I'll dance right here, to be honest.
I actually really like one of Ronnieâs friends.
His name's Dario.
He's good looking, my type.
I'm like, "Oh, he's a cutie.
" The guy I meet tonight, he's pretty much, like, your typical, seaside guido.
He's got, you know, the chain, the tan, little muscles, and he's Italian.
That's what I go for, obviously.
He's grinding up on me.
We're making out.
I'm taking this guy home tonight.
Come on.
Come on.
Do you want, like, a drink or anything, or are you just fine? - Oh, I'm good right now.
- Yeah, you're fine.
Let's go.
bum ba dum bum bum I am so excited to bring home a hot guy, and I need to get the smush room, 'cause I can't smush in my bed, because Jenni freaks out.
Jeff is definitely d.
T.
F.
He's, like, ready to do moves on me.
Um But really I had my frickin' period.
Story of my life.
- Yeah, but I'm very - You can have the rest.
I'm very, like, I want to go to the gym tomorrow.
Yeah? So I don't gain weight.
You're a small girl anyway.
- No, I look fat.
- No, you don't.
You're light anyway.
You should gain weight.
Oh, I like you.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
I definitely don't have sex on the first night.
It's not Halloween.
I'm not handing out candy for free.
Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers.
So Dario is not gonna get the golden ticket tonight.
- See you later.
- Okay.
Whatever.
My golden ticket was taken.
It is what it is.
And you know what? Dario is a good guy.
Mike.
We're leaving.
I'm ready to get to work.
Yeah.
I ain't catching [bleep.]
for his ass.
Can you work the stripper pole now? You want me to work the stripper pole? Yeah, please? If you really want me to strip.
No, I don't want you to actually strip.
Just work the pole.
Is this gonna break? Ronnie went on that.
If Ronnie can go on it, you can go on it.
- Let's go.
- How much does Ronnie weigh? Ronnie's, like, 300 pounds of muscle.
I'm gonna give you a one right now, 'cause you suck [bleep.]
.
Let's go.
- Come on.
- All right, fine.
Here you go.
I knew that was gonna happen.
Why did I know? Why did I know that was gonna happen? Oh, my God! The Jersey shore customer you're trying to reach Deena Can not come to the phone at this time.
Thanks for cleaning out the fridge, Sam.
Are you really bitching at me for that? Everything's gonna be a fight.
I'm a sympathizer I'm a human bomb I'm a half wit I'm a New York con all right Here you go.
I knew that was gonna happen.
That sucks.
Jeff is a frickin' blast.
Like, he's fun.
He knows how to joke.
He's funny.
I just feel like I'm having a good time right now.
Yum.
Will you do boardwalk with me? And rides? We can do that.
You want to go on the sky rides? How about these two? These two right here.
The old people.
Make out! Make out.
Kiss real quick.
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
- Make out! - Kiss, kiss.
- Kiss.
Kiss.
One kiss.
- Aw.
You have a tongue ring? Mm-hmm.
You didn't know that? How did you not feel that the whole night? - I was trying to put it on your - He has a tongue ring! Oh, my God.
I didn't know.
How could I miss a tongue ring? I must have been wasted.
So now I'm like, "ooh.
" I want to play with it.
- You want to go in the water? - I hate the ocean.
Yeah, it's all whale sperm.
- Bye.
- There's no whales out here.
Everybody, Google it.
Because that's why the water is salty.
From the [bleep.]
whale sperm.
Before I went to Iraq So Jeff is pretty much, like, telling his whole life, how he was in the army and, like, it [bleep.]
him up.
And I was with her for three years.
You were engaged? Oh, dear Jesus.
So I'm like, "okay, this kid [bleep.]
has a fiancee.
Do you have kids? Do you have an std?" - You were [bleep.]
engaged? - No, not like that.
It was basically a promise ring.
I told her I'll "fine, you want to wait for me.
" I love promise rings, but you just said you're engaged.
- Basically.
Not like that.
- Wait, are you engaged now? - No.
Nicole, look, you're taking things - Oh Jesus.
Can you stop? Oh, I love promise rings.
- I always wanted a promise ring.
- Fine.
I'll get you a promise ring if you're good in a couple months.
- Oh, really? Really? - If you're good.
In a couple months.
I'm a little freaked out.
I mean, obviously he's looking to settle down, and right now, yeah, I want to have a boyfriend, but I'm not looking to get [bleep.]
married.
Hey, stop being a jerk to me.
No, I'm just saying it's not gonna happen.
- All I'm trying to do is be nice to you.
- Keep going.
Keep going.
Jeff is, like, pissing me off.
- Get out of here.
- Come on.
And I'm like, "don't call me after this.
" Onto the next one.
Hello? Yeah, I'm angry at you.
At that you didn't tell me that, so bye.
Well, that's kind of, like, a big deal.
Hello.
I don't know.
[Bleep.]
yourself.
I don't want somebody who was engaged or married.
I want somebody new and fresh.
Snooks, if you can't find a new guy tonight at karma, You can have me.
Don't answer that phone call.
He's annoying.
Thank you for calling the Jersey shore store.
We are unable to come to the phone at this time, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hey, Nicole, it's Jeff.
Look, I don't know why you're getting all pissed at me.
We were fine all day.
I'm really sorry.
I apologize, all right? For Snooki, press one.
For Jenni, press two.
For Deena, press four.
Dude pressed two.
You can tell.
He wanted to talk to Snooki.
Idiot.
Guy's a moron.
The Jersey shore customer you're trying to reach Deena Can not come to the phone at this time.
But leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, her ass will get back to you.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
- That was dope, yo.
- That was so funny.
Yeah, three brothers pizza.
I'd like an apology pizza delivered to Nicole, because you could deliver it to Nicole yourself.
Can't believe homeboy got attached.
Really attached.
Snooks, you want to talk to him? What-frickin'- ever.
Jerk-off.
She don't want to talk to you right now, brew.
She's a good girl.
You did her dirty, dog.
You better send roses to the house.
You feel me? Roses, dog, with pickles in 'em.
Fried pickles! And they better be fried pickles.
Bye.
For my sister.
I want some bondage [bleep.]
.
You got to put a Nicole.
I got a boner.
You selfish bitch.
Like, instead of coming home and, like, worrying about me Worry about yourself.
Hell has to be just like this.
Yeah.
Can you girls throw out the [bleep.]
in the fridge for us? Please? We'll take it out.
Thank you.
- So you ready? - Yep.
- Do they do dry-cleaning at that place? - Uh, I don't know.
We're gonna take the other Escalade and go in the sex store to get games.
You want to come with us? - What do they have? - Like, big, like, dildos like this.
I'll go too.
- Yay! - Oh, my God.
This is freakin' awesome.
I'm gonna be the d.
D.
Yay.
Oh, my God.
Wait, should we get outfits, and, like, dress up tonight? Oh, my God, Ron will get the biggest boner ever.
I'm so excited that Jenni and Sammi are finally talking, fust because now we can do, like, girl things.
Ooh, he's hot.
I want to make out with him.
He is hot.
Hello! I love girl time.
I want some bondage [bleep.]
.
I'm a nurse.
Yum.
What a blast.
I love your outfit.
your ice cream cone rhinestone hormones You got to put a Nicole.
I got a boner.
Where's the schoolgirl outfit? Should I show the boys this outfit tonight? Bum bum mmm.
[bleep.]
.
Oh.
she walks in about an hour late I've been waiting Holla.
I look like a hot, drunk baseball player right now, and I'm loving it.
Batter up, bitches.
got me heading towards the door - This was fun.
- That was fun.
- All the girls.
- Where's the boys? Doing the woman [bleep.]
.
Yeah, really, we're at the sex store, and they're making dinner.
she walks in about an hour late and I'm still waitin' Don't tell me this [bleep.]
spilled on the steak.
[bleep.]
chicken.
They went to the sex shop.
- That's what they [bleep.]
did.
- So you know what? They're [bleep.]
cleaning off the table tonight.
And they're doing the dishes.
They guys do everything in the house.
We cook, we clean.
Isn't that their job? You know, if you don't want to clean up after us, clean up after yourself.
We had to clean the kitchen and the refrigerator.
And put it away.
You know how it is.
You need to treat 'em a lesson one day and not cook I'm [bleep.]
telling 'em when they come through that [bleep.]
door.
What am I wearing? We need to go put heels on.
I know.
I'm gonna go put 'em on right now.
Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen, girls, and emptying the fridge.
Oops.
Thanks for cleaning out the fridge, Sam.
Are you really bitching at me for that? - Yeah, we are.
- Why? 'cause we had to shop, clean out the kitchen, and now we're cooking too.
Okay, well, I cleaned up the table, and I washed this down.
Like, wh like, honestly? We did ask you guys to clean out the fridge.
Well, I mean, we only had certain amount of time.
Ooh, everything's gotta be a fight.
Everything's gotta be a fight.
We're trying to do something nice, and it's still a fight with you guys.
What's wrong with you, dude? Like, after I just took care of you, you're gonna go be a [bleep.]
to me now? Come on.
What is this? This is real garlicky.
- Yeah, I've made it before.
- Where? Ooh.
My old apartment.
You never made me no penne vodka.
Never made me anything except eggs.
You're supposed to cook for me.
Bitch, I cook you breakfast every morning when I get up, and you don't do [bleep.]
for me.
I mean, what don't I do for Sami besides wipe her ass for her and breathe for her? Time to eat.
Yay.
Go, Ron! - Holy [bleep.]
.
- Whoo! That's what's up.
Ron, I'm not mad at that at all, Ron.
[bleep.]
tastes good.
Everything's great.
Nicely done, Ron.
- Ron, is this vodka sauce? - Yeah.
It's pretty good.
In the beginning of dinner, the vibe was pretty [bleep.]
, because there's a lot of tension between Ron and Sam.
I mean, you wish you could press, like, the freeze button, you know what I'm saying? And fast forward it until they're done fighting, they [bleep.]
, and then they're fine.
How was everybody's night? Jiminy cricket.
I had a dream that Vinny and Pauly made out.
You know there's a lot of truth to dreams right? Awkward.
I mean, I have a headache from dealing with Ronnie and Sam's relationship.
I feel like I'm in the relationship, and it's not even mine.
This is such a bad time.
I just can't even talk about it right now.
Just it's actually giving me a headache right now.
Oh, my God.
Roger's a good time that I don't want to screw up, because he's not done anything yet.
I'm not gonna tolerate anything.
Ow! We were talking.
I know.
That's why I threw it at you.
I [bleep.]
up six months ago.
Big deal.
You're the fakest in the house, and I' make you crumble real [bleep.]
quick.
What's going on? Oh, they're fighting.
You know what? Break the [bleep.]
up.
I just want my space.
I just want to be left alone, and Sam doesn't get that.
She just wants to pick and pick, pick and pick.
Then why are you mad at me? Nothing to do with you, Sam.
- Promise? - Yeah.
Sammi, we're leaving.
I'm, like, mentally preparing myself to get yelled at by Danny right now.
Hey, bitch.
Hello, hello.
Hey.
Good afternoon, Danielson.
You're two hours late and you're not wearing a shirt? Get serious, girls.
Danny's such a buzzkill.
Like, relax, bro.
It's a t-shirt shop.
You need a Xanax.
Relax.
This is 25.
I don't think you're an extra large.
No? I'm a medium.
There's no way.
I just don't like work because I don't like working.
I have to be like, "hi, how are you doing? "how are you? Do you want a shirt? Oh, no, you don't? Okay.
Enjoy your day.
" That's not me! So why don't you sell those two ladies a tank top? I already asked.
They don't want any.
They don't want anything from you? - Mm-hmm.
- That's the wrong answer.
My favorite part of the job is hanging out with Jenny, because Jenny's my best friend, and we can just, you know, have girl time at work.
And I am single, but it's, like, I'm happy Seeing Roger.
And what is single? Like, single's, like, being alone and, like, looking and hooking up with all these people that I'm just not interested in.
- Like me.
- Not like you.
- Yeah, like me.
- You're having fun.
I'm [bleep.]
lonely, and I can't find anybody.
I hate being single.
I'm just saying, Jenni.
You just broke up with tom, and now you're with somebody else.
That's it.
But he's just a good time right now.
Like, Roger's a good time that I don't want to screw up, because he's not done anything yet to piss me off.
The moment he does something, I'm out.
I'm not gonna tolerate anything.
Ow! That's abuse.
- Yeah.
- We were talking.
I know.
That's why I threw it at you.
Now get on the floor.
Make some sales.
You guys ain't coming out? I think Sam might go out.
Why aren't you going out? You can go.
I know I can go out.
I'm choosing to stay home.
Want to just break up? That's your answer to every problem.
Whatever, dude.
Don't talk to me like that.
You selfish bitch.
Go the [bleep.]
out.
Do me a favor.
Pauly, ready? We're going.
Cab's here.
I need to be by myself.
What's going on? Oh, they're fighting.
So is she coming or what? 'cause I don't have time for the fight.
I don't know, bro.
So I'm gonna back off.
Do what you want.
I just don't want to talk about it right now, to be honest with you.
- Oh, my God.
- Just go downstairs.
Leave me alone.
Please.
Hell has to be just like this.
Yeah.
I don't even know why Ron and Sam were fighting right now.
I mean, we're waiting for Sam who's straightening her hair, whose hair is already straight.
Come on, man.
The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.
Sam, are you coming? When are you leaving? Any minute.
Probably not.
- Wha? - Probably not.
Probably not.
She's not going.
That's a no.
All right.
All right, that's enough.
You guys have managed to [bleep.]
up t-shirt time.
Now I'm changing my t-shirt.
Whoo! Party.
Shots! Last time I seen Danielle, she threw a drink in my face.
I got my eyes open and I got my guard up.
I don't know what she'll do.
What part of don't you understand "look me in the face and break up with me" don't you understand? Guys ready to roll out? All right, Sam.
Well, since it's only me and the boys, I guess I'm drinking tonight.
is it just me or is it hot, hot, hot in here temper hot sweat sizzling up, up, up in the air it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes diva Deena is crazy in the club.
She Jersey turnpikes all night long.
She'll bend down real low.
She sticks her ass right in between my legs.
I'm just like got me blazin' body's flamin' hotter than a heater Yo, face down, ass up, that's the way I like to have a good time.
Last time I seen Danielle, she threw a drink in my face.
So now I'm seeing Danielle, I got my eyes open, and I got my guard up.
I don't know what she'll do.
What's up? Danielle stalked my whole entire life last summer.
Well, I don't hold a grudge.
We made a truce.
Now we'll see if she changes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had a talk with him today about everything.
Mm-hmm.
I'm like, "what's wrong with you?" Like, "what did I do now?" Like, what did I do now? - So that's what I'm thinking.
- You didn't do anything.
I didn't do anything, like always.
So then I'm like, "okay.
" Next thing you know, I come up, I'm like, "what is your problem?" or whatever.
I'm like, "do you want to just break up?" 'cause, you know, I'm not gonna deal with this.
All you do is fight.
Does he have his period? Oh, my God.
Oy.
What a good time.
Holy [bleep.]
it's cold in here.
- It is cold as [bleep.]
.
- Right over here, girl.
Where? Bathroom "a.
" The second I get Danielle to the house, the first thing I do is grab the actual "I heart Jewish girls" shirt that she made me last year.
Don't say I never gave you something.
"I heart Jewish girls.
" Oh, my God.
I did the star of David by myself.
I know she thinks I threw it away or whatever.
I kept it.
And so I want to wear it And then come out with it.
And just to see that face expression would be priceless to me.
What are you eating? Italian sausage? No, it's not kosher.
I don't eat that no more.
- Shut the hell up.
- I get all my food blessed.
Know what I'm saying? Feel me knocking? This is the shirt you revealed last year.
The look on the face of Danielle was priceless, and that's all I was looking for.
See, this shirt is dope, right? It's all good now.
- Yeah, buddy.
- Stalker.
Danielle is at the house tonight.
Danielle, stalker, [bleep.]
stage-five clinger, alert, alert, is in my house tonight.
What are you doing here? I just don't get it.
You just threw a drink in his face the other night.
- We made peace, bro.
- We made peace.
You're the last person I'd ever expect to be here in this house.
Me too.
Me three.
You're a nice guy.
I feel like Danielle definitely has, like, a Pauly d, like, metal detector.
Beep, beep, beep.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Pauly.
And blowouts.
And hair gel.
Yo, when you give birth, right, when you're about to have a baby, what kind of bird comes and delivers the baby? - A stork.
- Stork.
Aw.
Idiot.
You idiot.
- You why are you laughing? - I wasn't laughing at that.
Yo, what did Jack climb up? - The bean what? - What? Jack, what did he climb up, the bean what? - Stalk.
- Stalk.
What girl does stay in the house after giving her all this [bleep.]
about stalking my life? I don't know what goes on through this girl's head.
All right, it was glad we made peace.
- I'll see you.
- Bye.
Have fun this summer.
What the [bleep.]
? Come back over here.
It's cold.
Want to come back here? I straight up don't want to do this with you anymore.
Stop threatening me.
Seriously.
Why do you always take it to negative? Do you want to come to bed with me? Obviously not, if I haven't gotten up over there yet.
Ron.
Look at me.
Can you tell me what the [bleep.]
I did? Because this isn't fair to me right now.
It's not fair to me anymore.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
So if you want this to be over, let's break up.
Ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra.
She talks so much sometimes, I'm just like, "[bleep.]
it.
" Like, I can't take this [bleep.]
.
So are we listen to me right now.
I want to be mature and talk about this.
We're done? - You're over? - Mm-hmm.
Look me in the face and break up with me, please.
What part of don't you understand "look me in the face and break up with me" - don't you understand? - Is that what you want? It's over.
We're broken up.
We're finished.
Okay? Relationship with Sam this summer, big ball of [bleep.]
.
Seriously, can you talk to me? Ron.
Listen to me, because I'm done with this.
I know, but I need closure.
I need [bleep.]
closure, bro.
Just [bleep.]
sickening.
Go the [bleep.]
out.
Do me a favor.
Look me in the face and break up with me, please.
It's over.
We're broken up.
We're finished.
Okay? [bleep.]
.
- I need closure.
- There's no closure.
- Just leave me the [bleep.]
alone.
- I need closure, bro.
It's kind of like a drawer.
You're gonna stuff it, you're gonna stuff it, you're gonna stuff it.
Sooner or later, you can't close it.
And, you know, I think that's why I'm finally exploding, because I can't keep any more [bleep.]
in.
You're a [bleep.]
waste of time.
I [bleep.]
up six months ago.
Big [bleep.]
deal.
I'm the reason you're still here.
I'm the reason you got through Miami.
So [bleep.]
remember that.
Before you ever [bleep.]
talk down on me.
Don't turn your back on me 'cause now you think you got some friends in the house.
You're the fakest in the house, and I'll make you crumble real [bleep.]
quick.
You will [bleep.]
crumble real quick.
You get this, and get this right, and don't roll your [bleep.]
eyes at me.
I have been through e- [bleep.]
- nough.
And you will never understand what the [bleep.]
you put me through.
I don't think you'll ever understand it.
Ever.
So go ahead and be mad at me.
I finally realized, like, a lot.
Been making your [bleep.]
my [bleep.]
for the last three weeks.
This is it.
Like, this is the breaking point to our relationship.
And if that's the case, then I'm fine with it.
Guess it is what it is.
Yeah.
It is what it is.
Tomorrow we'll figure out the room situation.
I'm gonna move my room and my stuff out.
I think when you're living in the same room and you're up each other's ass all the time, sometimes a break away from all the negativity and just madness is the best thing.
I'm done with it.
If Sam wants to break up, then Sam wants to break up.
Me not being with her is gonna make her time here terrible.
I can make her time around me the worst time, And I'm getting to a point where it's, like, "you know what? [bleep.]
you.
" And that's the point that I'm at right now.
I haven't done [bleep.]
.
I love you, bro.
- I'm sorry, like, for everything.
- And I'm sorry.
Ron, are you friends with her? Let me know now.
Are you friends with her? I want to go.
How can I enjoy my life living with an ex-boyfriend? Tell me.
Okay.
'Cause you need sucky things in life to make you stronger.
I'm truly blessed.
It turns out you guys are really good people, and it took me a lot to realize that.
I'm gonna take it day by day and work on the relationship with Ron, my boyfriend, but also with everybody in this house, including Jen.
I unfortunately punched Ron in the face, and in some way it kind of brought the house a lot closer.
I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch! All right, we got a situation.
I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! The drama between me, Sam, and Ron has gone on way too long, and now I'm glad that the drama's over, and hopefully we can move on from this.
That was mine.
My shot! Everyone's having a good time.
Everyone's getting along in the house.
But, once again, one step forward, two step backs.
Yes.
Yes.
In Miami, Ron got [bleep.]
faced to a point where he was incoherent, so I'm scared, a little bit nervous that the same thing's gonna happen.
Everybody bounce.
Let's go.
Take take 'em if you want.
Let's go.
We're walking home.
Let's go.
Vinny's good.
Vinny's good.
I got to make sure Vinny's okay.
Where's our [bleep.]
cab? Come on, girl.
Um, I'll take you up here.
Come on.
I'm with Ronnie.
Don't worry about a thing.
Doggies! Here's a t-shirt.
- It's purple.
- I know.
It says - It's all right it's purple.
- Says "situation" on it.
- Does it? - Yeah.
Look.
You want this or no? - Please heat it up.
- Yeah.
Where's Nicole? [Bleep.]
this.
[Bleep.]
.
- [bleep.]
.
- Ron, I'm making you food.
Whatever.
Ron, here.
Look what I got you, baby.
Here.
I got you something.
The room at this point is doing [bleep.]
somersaults, Spinning.
It's flipping.
Doing 360s.
I'm likeUgh! You gonna throw up Yeah? You gonna throw up, Ron? You all right, baby? Oh, my God.
I hate throw-up.
I don't do throw-up.
I get really sick.
I start throwing up.
If I smell throw-up, that's the end of it.
I can't stay there.
Ew, poop! I just stuck my hand in your throw-up.
Aah! That's where you are? Oh, my God.
Gotta get her out of here.
Baby? I got, like, 20 feet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do this.
Ow.
Ow, ow.
Ow, stop.
I got you.
Just go right there.
I don't know what happened.
I don't care.
- Guess where I found her? - Where? In my dog thing.
- Sleeping? - Sleeping.
Get the [bleep.]
out of here.
Oh, I feel like [bleep.]
.
Uh, I wake up this morning, and my stomach's not agreeing with me.
And it's just all messed up.
- What? - What? I need to go to the bathroom.
Ron, talk to me.
- I'll be all right.
- No, what? The look on his face, you could just tell something's not right.
Really? I don't know if it's from the alcohol, or - Do you want me to go with you? - Yeah.
Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his ass? I have no idea.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- How's it going? - Uh, not so good.
Yeah.
I hear.
Has that area ever been checked before? - Um, no.
- No.
- I mean, I get checkups, but - Never there.
Um, what were gonna do is, we're gonna check out the area.
We're not gonna do anything crazy, so you don't have to worry.
We're not gonna, um, you know, do any scopes, or anything crazy like that.
You know Nobody likes the snap of the rubber gloves, Ron.
- So don't worry about it.
- Yeah.
You're just gonna feel a little bit of lubricating jelly, okay? All right, again, I promise I won't do anything graphic.
I'm just gonna take a look.
Ron, I'm just gonna touch a couple of areas.
Tell me if you feel pain, okay? - How about here? - No.
Good.
- Here.
- No.
How about deeper in through here? yah-ee Almost through here.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Is there any pain around the rim at all? - No.
- No, good.
We're done.
I'm like, "doc, come on, you can at least buy me dinner.
" [bleep.]
.
I don't move that fast on the first date.
Um, and the bleeding should stop.
- Okay.
- Okay? I would probably stay away from alcohol.
The doctor said that I messed up my [bleep.]
Because I pretty much need to control my drinking, and that's what I'm gonna do.
- Did you have clamps or anything? - No.
He just went No, he didn't stick his hand up there.
He didn't [bleep.]
my crack.
It's not a [bleep.]
hardcore porno.
It was wrong of me to laugh.
Who wants to bleed out of their butt? I wouldn't.
It's not hemorrhoids, or anything like that.
He's gonna give me cream.
- Cream? - Yeah.
It was uncomfortable with his finger in my butt.
I am so excited to bring home your typical, seaside guido.
You were engaged? She's a good girl.
You could get hurt, dog.
U better send roses to the house.
You feel me? Roses, dog.
With pickles in 'em.
Fried pickles! We're actually not gonna go get our nails done today, Nick.
We're not? You want to go tomorrow between shifts? Okay.
Me and you will go run errands at the pharmacy.
- Yeah, I'll go with you.
- All right.
I hate when girls say they never masturbated.
They're tying.
- I'm like, "come on, really?" - They're lying.
"Really? You never ever masturbate?" "you never tried it and it was a phenomenal?" I remember when you asked Sam.
She said she never.
- Really? It's a lie.
- Well, I did.
I think masturbating is healthy.
- It is healthy.
- It Is.
What's wrong with that? Me, Deena, and Jenni, every time we have a conversation, it's a [bleep.]
ed up conversation.
We have no shame when it comes to discussing what goes on in our sex life.
You work your muscles.
Remember I did it all day once? And the next day, I couldn't even move.
*** I turn the corner, and there's Nicole on a little tricycle.
Okay.
Let's go down this way.
- Do you guys have eyelash glue? - In aisle three on your left side.
Blecch! Oh, my God.
I cut a corner to get in the other aisle, and the frickin' handlebars fall off.
I don't want to pay for it.
Ooh, put it back.
Put it back.
I never had this.
Let's go about our day.
Slip 'n slide.
The tricycle's 150 bucks.
We're not paying for this little thing, so we wedged the handlebars back on, and, like, kind of, like, shoot it away and run.
She's so needy, this one.
She reminds me of myself.
That one reminds me of me, a wild animal.
Really? You guys not getting ready? - Really? - You look mad hot.
- I want to make out with you.
- You should probably do that.
Can I make out with you as well? - That'd be a good time.
- I get it first.
*** can come too.
Yeah, all three of us.
- Can we? - Yeah.
What the [bleep.]
? Bye.
Ugh, he's so hot.
I know.
I would totally do it.
- Yeah, me too.
- I'm gonna do it tonight.
He's so [bleep.]
hot.
I told him, I'm taking his sperm and I'm making babies out of it.
- Hey, what's up, Petey? - Yo.
What, are you guys stuck in traffic still? There was an accident, but we're not far at all.
Where are we gonna meet you at? Karma, or? Yeah.
And we're leaving in, like, five, ten minutes.
- All right.
I'll see you over there.
- All right, buddy.
wanna get together tonight 'cause it is the weekend baby come along with me let's get crazy Let's go.
Let's go.
and this private conversation is an interview to make it clear that Tonight's gonna be a good night.
I got my boys coming from home.
I got my boy Petey, Dario, and my boy Chris.
I'll dance right here, to be honest.
I actually really like one of Ronnieâs friends.
His name's Dario.
He's good looking, my type.
I'm like, "Oh, he's a cutie.
" The guy I meet tonight, he's pretty much, like, your typical, seaside guido.
He's got, you know, the chain, the tan, little muscles, and he's Italian.
That's what I go for, obviously.
He's grinding up on me.
We're making out.
I'm taking this guy home tonight.
Come on.
Come on.
Do you want, like, a drink or anything, or are you just fine? - Oh, I'm good right now.
- Yeah, you're fine.
Let's go.
bum ba dum bum bum I am so excited to bring home a hot guy, and I need to get the smush room, 'cause I can't smush in my bed, because Jenni freaks out.
Jeff is definitely d.
T.
F.
He's, like, ready to do moves on me.
Um But really I had my frickin' period.
Story of my life.
- Yeah, but I'm very - You can have the rest.
I'm very, like, I want to go to the gym tomorrow.
Yeah? So I don't gain weight.
You're a small girl anyway.
- No, I look fat.
- No, you don't.
You're light anyway.
You should gain weight.
Oh, I like you.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
I definitely don't have sex on the first night.
It's not Halloween.
I'm not handing out candy for free.
Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers.
So Dario is not gonna get the golden ticket tonight.
- See you later.
- Okay.
Whatever.
My golden ticket was taken.
It is what it is.
And you know what? Dario is a good guy.
Mike.
We're leaving.
I'm ready to get to work.
Yeah.
I ain't catching [bleep.]
for his ass.
Can you work the stripper pole now? You want me to work the stripper pole? Yeah, please? If you really want me to strip.
No, I don't want you to actually strip.
Just work the pole.
Is this gonna break? Ronnie went on that.
If Ronnie can go on it, you can go on it.
- Let's go.
- How much does Ronnie weigh? Ronnie's, like, 300 pounds of muscle.
I'm gonna give you a one right now, 'cause you suck [bleep.]
.
Let's go.
- Come on.
- All right, fine.
Here you go.
I knew that was gonna happen.
Why did I know? Why did I know that was gonna happen? Oh, my God! The Jersey shore customer you're trying to reach Deena Can not come to the phone at this time.
Thanks for cleaning out the fridge, Sam.
Are you really bitching at me for that? Everything's gonna be a fight.
I'm a sympathizer I'm a human bomb I'm a half wit I'm a New York con all right Here you go.
I knew that was gonna happen.
That sucks.
Jeff is a frickin' blast.
Like, he's fun.
He knows how to joke.
He's funny.
I just feel like I'm having a good time right now.
Yum.
Will you do boardwalk with me? And rides? We can do that.
You want to go on the sky rides? How about these two? These two right here.
The old people.
Make out! Make out.
Kiss real quick.
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
- Make out! - Kiss, kiss.
- Kiss.
Kiss.
One kiss.
- Aw.
You have a tongue ring? Mm-hmm.
You didn't know that? How did you not feel that the whole night? - I was trying to put it on your - He has a tongue ring! Oh, my God.
I didn't know.
How could I miss a tongue ring? I must have been wasted.
So now I'm like, "ooh.
" I want to play with it.
- You want to go in the water? - I hate the ocean.
Yeah, it's all whale sperm.
- Bye.
- There's no whales out here.
Everybody, Google it.
Because that's why the water is salty.
From the [bleep.]
whale sperm.
Before I went to Iraq So Jeff is pretty much, like, telling his whole life, how he was in the army and, like, it [bleep.]
him up.
And I was with her for three years.
You were engaged? Oh, dear Jesus.
So I'm like, "okay, this kid [bleep.]
has a fiancee.
Do you have kids? Do you have an std?" - You were [bleep.]
engaged? - No, not like that.
It was basically a promise ring.
I told her I'll "fine, you want to wait for me.
" I love promise rings, but you just said you're engaged.
- Basically.
Not like that.
- Wait, are you engaged now? - No.
Nicole, look, you're taking things - Oh Jesus.
Can you stop? Oh, I love promise rings.
- I always wanted a promise ring.
- Fine.
I'll get you a promise ring if you're good in a couple months.
- Oh, really? Really? - If you're good.
In a couple months.
I'm a little freaked out.
I mean, obviously he's looking to settle down, and right now, yeah, I want to have a boyfriend, but I'm not looking to get [bleep.]
married.
Hey, stop being a jerk to me.
No, I'm just saying it's not gonna happen.
- All I'm trying to do is be nice to you.
- Keep going.
Keep going.
Jeff is, like, pissing me off.
- Get out of here.
- Come on.
And I'm like, "don't call me after this.
" Onto the next one.
Hello? Yeah, I'm angry at you.
At that you didn't tell me that, so bye.
Well, that's kind of, like, a big deal.
Hello.
I don't know.
[Bleep.]
yourself.
I don't want somebody who was engaged or married.
I want somebody new and fresh.
Snooks, if you can't find a new guy tonight at karma, You can have me.
Don't answer that phone call.
He's annoying.
Thank you for calling the Jersey shore store.
We are unable to come to the phone at this time, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hey, Nicole, it's Jeff.
Look, I don't know why you're getting all pissed at me.
We were fine all day.
I'm really sorry.
I apologize, all right? For Snooki, press one.
For Jenni, press two.
For Deena, press four.
Dude pressed two.
You can tell.
He wanted to talk to Snooki.
Idiot.
Guy's a moron.
The Jersey shore customer you're trying to reach Deena Can not come to the phone at this time.
But leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, her ass will get back to you.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
- That was dope, yo.
- That was so funny.
Yeah, three brothers pizza.
I'd like an apology pizza delivered to Nicole, because you could deliver it to Nicole yourself.
Can't believe homeboy got attached.
Really attached.
Snooks, you want to talk to him? What-frickin'- ever.
Jerk-off.
She don't want to talk to you right now, brew.
She's a good girl.
You did her dirty, dog.
You better send roses to the house.
You feel me? Roses, dog, with pickles in 'em.
Fried pickles! And they better be fried pickles.
Bye.
For my sister.
I want some bondage [bleep.]
.
You got to put a Nicole.
I got a boner.
You selfish bitch.
Like, instead of coming home and, like, worrying about me Worry about yourself.
Hell has to be just like this.
Yeah.
Can you girls throw out the [bleep.]
in the fridge for us? Please? We'll take it out.
Thank you.
- So you ready? - Yep.
- Do they do dry-cleaning at that place? - Uh, I don't know.
We're gonna take the other Escalade and go in the sex store to get games.
You want to come with us? - What do they have? - Like, big, like, dildos like this.
I'll go too.
- Yay! - Oh, my God.
This is freakin' awesome.
I'm gonna be the d.
D.
Yay.
Oh, my God.
Wait, should we get outfits, and, like, dress up tonight? Oh, my God, Ron will get the biggest boner ever.
I'm so excited that Jenni and Sammi are finally talking, fust because now we can do, like, girl things.
Ooh, he's hot.
I want to make out with him.
He is hot.
Hello! I love girl time.
I want some bondage [bleep.]
.
I'm a nurse.
Yum.
What a blast.
I love your outfit.
your ice cream cone rhinestone hormones You got to put a Nicole.
I got a boner.
Where's the schoolgirl outfit? Should I show the boys this outfit tonight? Bum bum mmm.
[bleep.]
.
Oh.
she walks in about an hour late I've been waiting Holla.
I look like a hot, drunk baseball player right now, and I'm loving it.
Batter up, bitches.
got me heading towards the door - This was fun.
- That was fun.
- All the girls.
- Where's the boys? Doing the woman [bleep.]
.
Yeah, really, we're at the sex store, and they're making dinner.
she walks in about an hour late and I'm still waitin' Don't tell me this [bleep.]
spilled on the steak.
[bleep.]
chicken.
They went to the sex shop.
- That's what they [bleep.]
did.
- So you know what? They're [bleep.]
cleaning off the table tonight.
And they're doing the dishes.
They guys do everything in the house.
We cook, we clean.
Isn't that their job? You know, if you don't want to clean up after us, clean up after yourself.
We had to clean the kitchen and the refrigerator.
And put it away.
You know how it is.
You need to treat 'em a lesson one day and not cook I'm [bleep.]
telling 'em when they come through that [bleep.]
door.
What am I wearing? We need to go put heels on.
I know.
I'm gonna go put 'em on right now.
Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen, girls, and emptying the fridge.
Oops.
Thanks for cleaning out the fridge, Sam.
Are you really bitching at me for that? - Yeah, we are.
- Why? 'cause we had to shop, clean out the kitchen, and now we're cooking too.
Okay, well, I cleaned up the table, and I washed this down.
Like, wh like, honestly? We did ask you guys to clean out the fridge.
Well, I mean, we only had certain amount of time.
Ooh, everything's gotta be a fight.
Everything's gotta be a fight.
We're trying to do something nice, and it's still a fight with you guys.
What's wrong with you, dude? Like, after I just took care of you, you're gonna go be a [bleep.]
to me now? Come on.
What is this? This is real garlicky.
- Yeah, I've made it before.
- Where? Ooh.
My old apartment.
You never made me no penne vodka.
Never made me anything except eggs.
You're supposed to cook for me.
Bitch, I cook you breakfast every morning when I get up, and you don't do [bleep.]
for me.
I mean, what don't I do for Sami besides wipe her ass for her and breathe for her? Time to eat.
Yay.
Go, Ron! - Holy [bleep.]
.
- Whoo! That's what's up.
Ron, I'm not mad at that at all, Ron.
[bleep.]
tastes good.
Everything's great.
Nicely done, Ron.
- Ron, is this vodka sauce? - Yeah.
It's pretty good.
In the beginning of dinner, the vibe was pretty [bleep.]
, because there's a lot of tension between Ron and Sam.
I mean, you wish you could press, like, the freeze button, you know what I'm saying? And fast forward it until they're done fighting, they [bleep.]
, and then they're fine.
How was everybody's night? Jiminy cricket.
I had a dream that Vinny and Pauly made out.
You know there's a lot of truth to dreams right? Awkward.
I mean, I have a headache from dealing with Ronnie and Sam's relationship.
I feel like I'm in the relationship, and it's not even mine.
This is such a bad time.
I just can't even talk about it right now.
Just it's actually giving me a headache right now.
Oh, my God.
Roger's a good time that I don't want to screw up, because he's not done anything yet.
I'm not gonna tolerate anything.
Ow! We were talking.
I know.
That's why I threw it at you.
I [bleep.]
up six months ago.
Big deal.
You're the fakest in the house, and I' make you crumble real [bleep.]
quick.
What's going on? Oh, they're fighting.
You know what? Break the [bleep.]
up.
I just want my space.
I just want to be left alone, and Sam doesn't get that.
She just wants to pick and pick, pick and pick.
Then why are you mad at me? Nothing to do with you, Sam.
- Promise? - Yeah.
Sammi, we're leaving.
I'm, like, mentally preparing myself to get yelled at by Danny right now.
Hey, bitch.
Hello, hello.
Hey.
Good afternoon, Danielson.
You're two hours late and you're not wearing a shirt? Get serious, girls.
Danny's such a buzzkill.
Like, relax, bro.
It's a t-shirt shop.
You need a Xanax.
Relax.
This is 25.
I don't think you're an extra large.
No? I'm a medium.
There's no way.
I just don't like work because I don't like working.
I have to be like, "hi, how are you doing? "how are you? Do you want a shirt? Oh, no, you don't? Okay.
Enjoy your day.
" That's not me! So why don't you sell those two ladies a tank top? I already asked.
They don't want any.
They don't want anything from you? - Mm-hmm.
- That's the wrong answer.
My favorite part of the job is hanging out with Jenny, because Jenny's my best friend, and we can just, you know, have girl time at work.
And I am single, but it's, like, I'm happy Seeing Roger.
And what is single? Like, single's, like, being alone and, like, looking and hooking up with all these people that I'm just not interested in.
- Like me.
- Not like you.
- Yeah, like me.
- You're having fun.
I'm [bleep.]
lonely, and I can't find anybody.
I hate being single.
I'm just saying, Jenni.
You just broke up with tom, and now you're with somebody else.
That's it.
But he's just a good time right now.
Like, Roger's a good time that I don't want to screw up, because he's not done anything yet to piss me off.
The moment he does something, I'm out.
I'm not gonna tolerate anything.
Ow! That's abuse.
- Yeah.
- We were talking.
I know.
That's why I threw it at you.
Now get on the floor.
Make some sales.
You guys ain't coming out? I think Sam might go out.
Why aren't you going out? You can go.
I know I can go out.
I'm choosing to stay home.
Want to just break up? That's your answer to every problem.
Whatever, dude.
Don't talk to me like that.
You selfish bitch.
Go the [bleep.]
out.
Do me a favor.
Pauly, ready? We're going.
Cab's here.
I need to be by myself.
What's going on? Oh, they're fighting.
So is she coming or what? 'cause I don't have time for the fight.
I don't know, bro.
So I'm gonna back off.
Do what you want.
I just don't want to talk about it right now, to be honest with you.
- Oh, my God.
- Just go downstairs.
Leave me alone.
Please.
Hell has to be just like this.
Yeah.
I don't even know why Ron and Sam were fighting right now.
I mean, we're waiting for Sam who's straightening her hair, whose hair is already straight.
Come on, man.
The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.
Sam, are you coming? When are you leaving? Any minute.
Probably not.
- Wha? - Probably not.
Probably not.
She's not going.
That's a no.
All right.
All right, that's enough.
You guys have managed to [bleep.]
up t-shirt time.
Now I'm changing my t-shirt.
Whoo! Party.
Shots! Last time I seen Danielle, she threw a drink in my face.
I got my eyes open and I got my guard up.
I don't know what she'll do.
What part of don't you understand "look me in the face and break up with me" don't you understand? Guys ready to roll out? All right, Sam.
Well, since it's only me and the boys, I guess I'm drinking tonight.
is it just me or is it hot, hot, hot in here temper hot sweat sizzling up, up, up in the air it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes diva Deena is crazy in the club.
She Jersey turnpikes all night long.
She'll bend down real low.
She sticks her ass right in between my legs.
I'm just like got me blazin' body's flamin' hotter than a heater Yo, face down, ass up, that's the way I like to have a good time.
Last time I seen Danielle, she threw a drink in my face.
So now I'm seeing Danielle, I got my eyes open, and I got my guard up.
I don't know what she'll do.
What's up? Danielle stalked my whole entire life last summer.
Well, I don't hold a grudge.
We made a truce.
Now we'll see if she changes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had a talk with him today about everything.
Mm-hmm.
I'm like, "what's wrong with you?" Like, "what did I do now?" Like, what did I do now? - So that's what I'm thinking.
- You didn't do anything.
I didn't do anything, like always.
So then I'm like, "okay.
" Next thing you know, I come up, I'm like, "what is your problem?" or whatever.
I'm like, "do you want to just break up?" 'cause, you know, I'm not gonna deal with this.
All you do is fight.
Does he have his period? Oh, my God.
Oy.
What a good time.
Holy [bleep.]
it's cold in here.
- It is cold as [bleep.]
.
- Right over here, girl.
Where? Bathroom "a.
" The second I get Danielle to the house, the first thing I do is grab the actual "I heart Jewish girls" shirt that she made me last year.
Don't say I never gave you something.
"I heart Jewish girls.
" Oh, my God.
I did the star of David by myself.
I know she thinks I threw it away or whatever.
I kept it.
And so I want to wear it And then come out with it.
And just to see that face expression would be priceless to me.
What are you eating? Italian sausage? No, it's not kosher.
I don't eat that no more.
- Shut the hell up.
- I get all my food blessed.
Know what I'm saying? Feel me knocking? This is the shirt you revealed last year.
The look on the face of Danielle was priceless, and that's all I was looking for.
See, this shirt is dope, right? It's all good now.
- Yeah, buddy.
- Stalker.
Danielle is at the house tonight.
Danielle, stalker, [bleep.]
stage-five clinger, alert, alert, is in my house tonight.
What are you doing here? I just don't get it.
You just threw a drink in his face the other night.
- We made peace, bro.
- We made peace.
You're the last person I'd ever expect to be here in this house.
Me too.
Me three.
You're a nice guy.
I feel like Danielle definitely has, like, a Pauly d, like, metal detector.
Beep, beep, beep.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Pauly.
And blowouts.
And hair gel.
Yo, when you give birth, right, when you're about to have a baby, what kind of bird comes and delivers the baby? - A stork.
- Stork.
Aw.
Idiot.
You idiot.
- You why are you laughing? - I wasn't laughing at that.
Yo, what did Jack climb up? - The bean what? - What? Jack, what did he climb up, the bean what? - Stalk.
- Stalk.
What girl does stay in the house after giving her all this [bleep.]
about stalking my life? I don't know what goes on through this girl's head.
All right, it was glad we made peace.
- I'll see you.
- Bye.
Have fun this summer.
What the [bleep.]
? Come back over here.
It's cold.
Want to come back here? I straight up don't want to do this with you anymore.
Stop threatening me.
Seriously.
Why do you always take it to negative? Do you want to come to bed with me? Obviously not, if I haven't gotten up over there yet.
Ron.
Look at me.
Can you tell me what the [bleep.]
I did? Because this isn't fair to me right now.
It's not fair to me anymore.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
So if you want this to be over, let's break up.
Ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra.
She talks so much sometimes, I'm just like, "[bleep.]
it.
" Like, I can't take this [bleep.]
.
So are we listen to me right now.
I want to be mature and talk about this.
We're done? - You're over? - Mm-hmm.
Look me in the face and break up with me, please.
What part of don't you understand "look me in the face and break up with me" - don't you understand? - Is that what you want? It's over.
We're broken up.
We're finished.
Okay? Relationship with Sam this summer, big ball of [bleep.]
.
Seriously, can you talk to me? Ron.
Listen to me, because I'm done with this.
I know, but I need closure.
I need [bleep.]
closure, bro.
Just [bleep.]
sickening.
Go the [bleep.]
out.
Do me a favor.
Look me in the face and break up with me, please.
It's over.
We're broken up.
We're finished.
Okay? [bleep.]
.
- I need closure.
- There's no closure.
- Just leave me the [bleep.]
alone.
- I need closure, bro.
It's kind of like a drawer.
You're gonna stuff it, you're gonna stuff it, you're gonna stuff it.
Sooner or later, you can't close it.
And, you know, I think that's why I'm finally exploding, because I can't keep any more [bleep.]
in.
You're a [bleep.]
waste of time.
I [bleep.]
up six months ago.
Big [bleep.]
deal.
I'm the reason you're still here.
I'm the reason you got through Miami.
So [bleep.]
remember that.
Before you ever [bleep.]
talk down on me.
Don't turn your back on me 'cause now you think you got some friends in the house.
You're the fakest in the house, and I'll make you crumble real [bleep.]
quick.
You will [bleep.]
crumble real quick.
You get this, and get this right, and don't roll your [bleep.]
eyes at me.
I have been through e- [bleep.]
- nough.
And you will never understand what the [bleep.]
you put me through.
I don't think you'll ever understand it.
Ever.
So go ahead and be mad at me.
I finally realized, like, a lot.
Been making your [bleep.]
my [bleep.]
for the last three weeks.
This is it.
Like, this is the breaking point to our relationship.
And if that's the case, then I'm fine with it.
Guess it is what it is.
Yeah.
It is what it is.
Tomorrow we'll figure out the room situation.
I'm gonna move my room and my stuff out.
I think when you're living in the same room and you're up each other's ass all the time, sometimes a break away from all the negativity and just madness is the best thing.
I'm done with it.
If Sam wants to break up, then Sam wants to break up.
Me not being with her is gonna make her time here terrible.
I can make her time around me the worst time, And I'm getting to a point where it's, like, "you know what? [bleep.]
you.
" And that's the point that I'm at right now.