Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s03e06 Episode Script

Lois, I'm home.
I had a train derailment in Canada an orphanage fire in London and a dam broke in lndia.
Did you make something for dinner? oh, my gosh! What happened? -Lex Luthor.
-The rat.
-Where's Lois? -She was here just a second ago.
Probably scared witless, poor thing.
Don't worry, I'll have you out of that thing in no time.
okay, let's see, now.
Do I disconnect the black wire or the white one? Don't worry, I'll save you.
What do you think? oh, no.
What do I think? Lois, I think you got some explaining to do.
If we're gonna be partners and we're gonna be married I wanna be part of the act.
Lois, there are things I do, you can't do.
-Me Superman.
-Me superwife.
Us super in trouble.
Could you hold this argument till later and get us out of here? -I knew this was gonna happen.
-I knew this was gonna happen.
-First, you know who I am.
-I can't fly, and I can't stop bullets.
Ay, caramba! You exploded them.
oh, Clarkey.
Well, I can explain why they exploded.
Clark, are you okay? Y eah, I'm just dreaming, I think.
What's up? Well, I got a nightmare for you.
-Remember Bad Brain Johnson? -How could I forget? Remember his vendetta? Against two reporters and the Man of Steel who tracked him down and put him away? -That's the one.
-He's in prison.
-Nope.
-When did he break out? Two hours ago.
Perry just called, he thought we ought to know.
I'm on my way.
-Here we are.
Safe and sound.
-oh, it's so wonderful.
-Tim, my pet, could you get the door? -of course, light of my light.
Go ahead and make yourself comfy.
Get out of this outfit.
Something to drink, Bad Brain? First, I want some answers.
Who are you? Why'd you bust me out? T alk or I'll kill you call a cab and motor my butt down to Funkytown for a little R and R.
This way.
Please? The reason for your liberation, Mr.
Johnson is Amber and I believe that you might possess something -that we hope to find very useful.
-Y eah, what's that? A thirst for vengeance.
We wouldn't be discussing Klutz Kent Nosy Lane and Super Duper, now, would we? -Yes.
-We would.
As to who we are, did you happen to catch the articles in Forbes Vanity Fair and Esquire while you were in prison? Actually, l' m more of a Popular Mechanics Slaughterhouse Digest kind of a guy.
-We' re rich people, Bad Brain.
-Rich people with a hobby.
We collect things.
Rare, unusual, one-of-a-kind things.
-And aside from each other.
-Possession is our passion.
-This block of cement.
-Jimmy Hoffa! And here: the arms of the Venus de Milo.
This car, of course, one of a kind.
We're just batty about it.
on the right, the original draft of the Magna Carta.
It's a room full of treasures.
No one knows they're here.
They're just for us.
And now we'd like to add something else to our collection.
But Kent, Lane and Superman stand in the way.
And you want me to do your dirty work for you.
-Yes.
-Yes.
I love dirty work.
Hey, what's that? Hey, that's my stuff.
That's right, B.
B.
, the fantastic electronic gadgets-- You made famous in your crime career.
Hey, how'd you find my secret lair, huh? It's secret.
We queried a few of your cronies.
Blabbermouths.
I'll kill them.
oh, don't worry about that.
Did we do well? The electro-whammy.
Did you know that the human body is an electro-chemical engine and if you amplify its current, resonate it and kick it over a little household AC, zap! Ashes to ashes.
How about a demonstration? Well, we would need a guinea pig.
I believe we've got one.
-Phase one-- -Complete.
Perry White? oh, thank God, they finally arrived.
Here, Jimmy.
Thank you, officer.
-oh, I am not wearing a bulletproof vest.
-I want you protected.
Chief, I don't think Superman's gonna let anything happen to us.
I don't see him here now.
Do you? See? Exactly.
Wear them.
Maybe you guys could start a new fashion trend.
-Jimmy.
-Maybe not.
So, what do you have? I've had no luck tracking Bad Brain through his pals.
His last three cronies are no longer in Metropolis.
-What, they left town? -They left this plane of existence.
All three were murdered one week ago, tortured to death.
No clues, no suspects.
Why tortured? Somebody probably wanted some information.
So, what we're left with, according to the warden, is two unknown accomplices who blasted a well-known lunatic out of prison.
Speaking of lunatics, can I ask you guys a question? What is up with Perry's taste in ties lately? old gifts from Alice.
They' re not getting along and he thinks wearing the old ties will smooth things over.
His last tie looks like someone smoothed a clown over it with a steamroller.
-He loves her.
-There isn't that much love in the world.
in progress in STAR Labs.
-What is it? -ST AR Labs.
Something's happening.
-Maybe it's Bad Brain.
Can I go? -No.
Come on, why do we go through this? We both know l' m gonna go.
-Then why do you ask? -I'm trying to be nice.
oh, man.
-What happened? -I'm sorry.
I'm still a little bit loopy.
-Superman, they took it all.
-Took all of what? -Was it Bad Brain? -We didn't see anybody.
Nobody had to.
-His card.
-He left that in the kryptonite vault? -Dr.
Klein-- -The what? The vault where we kept the kryptonite for Superman.
Excuse me, you're keeping kryptonite here? And now Bad Brain Johnson has it.
-oh, my head.
-Doctor, can you excuse us for a second? Yeah.
Why would you have kryptonite? Dr.
Klein is working on a radiation therapy.
It's like a vaccine.
If we can counteract its effects, then it won't be a problem any longer.
-lf he finds a vaccine? Clark! -Superman.
Why would you let that stuff anywhere near you? Get rid of it.
Throw it into the sun.
Now you can't throw it into the sun, because Bad Brain Johnson has stolen it.
He could have it pointed at your thick skull right now.
-okay, you're angry.
-Y es.
Don't you think you should've told me? I don't know.
I don't know how this works.
Are two people supposed to tell each other everything? Yes, I think two people who are considering getting-- Who are considering doing what-- Don't they? Wait a minute.
Are we talking about what we decided not to talk about? No.
No, we're not discussing marriage because that, combined with other unusual aspects of our relationship is making us both crazy and so, no, we should not discuss it.
okay, fine.
So we won't.
Fine.
And that leaves us where? With this clue.
Right.
Clue.
Tire tracks.
And very recent.
With any luck, this might put Bad Brain back on ice.
That was quite a heist Bad Brain pulled off.
He is good, isn't he? Do you know the best part, my queen? What, my centurion? We' re going to own Superman.
And we don't even need this.
Don't dawdle, Miss Goodbottom.
Did you call me Miss Goodbottom? Unless you'd prefer to be shaken, not stirred, I'd suggest you strap in.
I have a feeling things will be getting very cerebral.
-Could you speak English? -Bad Brain Johnson's behind us.
He's back there? Let me take care of this.
I know how to handle him.
I'll give him a migraine.
Who does he think he is? Busting out of prison, making our lives miserable.
In the future years, Miss Goodbottom when I've gone on to successful sequels and you've gone on to relative obscurity please remember, at this moment, I was only thinking of you.
-Clark? -The name is man.
Superman.
-What's the matter? -It's not fair.
-What isn't? -Did you ever notice, in all those movies James Bond did all the driving.
-What? -Nothing.
It's just, when you get right down to it, he did what he did alone.
The cars were all that mattered.
The women were hood ornaments.
They weren't part of the act.
Well, yeah.
-What made you say that? -No reason.
-So who do we see next? -Tim and Amber Lake.
The Tim and Amber Lake.
The most written about, talked about, happiest, richest couple in Metropolis.
You know, somehow I don't see them hanging out with Bad Brain Johnson.
That tire tread we found was an ltalian import.
only a few people bought them, and they're on the list.
What'd you tell them the interview was about? How you too can achieve total and perpetual bliss with the one you love.
Good.
I was wondering how that worked.
Follow me.
What an amazing coincidence.
Well, just the other day we were saying how much we like your work.
And if we must be interviewed, and I suppose we must-- Well, we'd love to be interviewed by you.
-And here we are.
-Just trying to figure out what makes you two tick.
oh, we definitely tick.
Don't we, darling? Yes, angel.
-oh, we never fight.
-Because we think exactly alike.
-Doesn't that get a little? -Boring? As opposed to the half-truths, white lies, sublimated anger-- Grudges, irritations, constant arguments-- of 99.
9 percent of all the failed and failing relationships in the world at any given time.
-lt must be an emotional jungle out there.
-A courtship horror show.
-Glad I'm nowhere near it, lover man.
-Me too, heart of my heart.
So let's talk about your hobbies.
Absolutely.
-What would you like to know? -Well, we hear you collect cars.
-We collect everything.
-Cars.
We have how many, darling? Eighty? -Eighty-three, my pet.
-oh, your mind is like a crystal.
T oo many facets to count.
off the record, can I ask your advice on something? -What would you like to know? -Ginelli tires.
I'm thinking about buying a set.
Have you ever heard of them? Yes.
Very expensive.
-But they're very good.
-Do you own some? I bought some for a business acquaintance.
Here in Metropolis? He lives in lstanbul.
-lstanbul.
-lstanbul.
I don't know if I suspect them because they're suspects or because they make me wanna barf.
His eyes did do a little dance when we mentioned those tires but could they have busted Bad Brain out of prison, those two? I think we should find every piece of information we can on Tim and Amber Lake.
Interesting.
We used the van with the Ginelli tires for our little raid on the STAR Labs.
And along comes this Clark Kent and asks about Ginelli tires.
I suppose it could just be an amazing coincidence.
Do you really think so, mon petit chou? of course not.
But Clark Kent's not part of our plan, correct? As always.
Then let's kill him.
Better yet, let Bad Brain Johnson kill him.
Step by step, closer to Superman.
The story you 're about to see is true.
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
This is the city, Metropolis.
This is the Planet.
My partner and I were working the day watch out of Bunco.
My name 's White.
I carry a badge.
My partner's name is Olsen.
We 'd nabbed a suspect on charges of marital nonparticipation.
Make it easy on yourself, Kent.
T ell us your whereabouts when your wife flipped out.
I don't know.
I could've been anywhere.
See, I have this other job.
-Doing good, that about right? -I try.
You're busy a lot.
Like the night of June 8th? -I don't recall.
-Night your son was born.
July 1 0th, fifth anniversary ring a bell? -There was this really big fire.
-August 1 st? -Remember this Little League mitt? -Earthquake.
-I tried to make it to that game.
-But you didn't.
That's the point.
Let me tell you your wife may have gone psycho.
-Trash a supermarket.
-Throw the vegetable bins.
-Melt the entire freezer section.
-But you drove her to it.
-You're just as guilty.
-Guilty of what? -lndifference.
-Preoccupation with others.
-No emotional support.
-No bedtime stories.
Not another saving-the-Hoover-Dam alibi, I've heard it before.
Slide on that band of gold, you know what you are? Nothing new.
You're a husband, a breadwinner.
The mister and spouse, a Dagwood, the guy who builds model airplanes teaches the hoop shots, the sole support of the 1 040 long form.
oh, man, I was afraid this wouldn't work.
Pathetic.
On December 3rd, trial was held in Department 186 in and for the county of Metropolis.
Defendant was found guilty of C.
K.
? -Hello, C.
K.
? -oh, yeah.
Where were you? Someplace scary.
What's up? This is that research you wanted on the Lakes.
Interviews, club memberships, financial stuff.
They sound like the perfect couple.
Sure, yeah.
Does he have a second job? I mean, is he gonna miss Little League games? You know, Jimmy, let me tell you something for some of us, life is just a little bit more complicated.
Hey, you and Lois are a good couple too.
Their love is not just a many.
splendored thing.
Oh, no, it's a rare and wondrous thing.
Like their shared passion for beauty and art and everything unique.
Tim and Amber collect romance alongside Picassos, race horses and homes.
But the thing they treasure most is their love for one another.
Enough.
I know.
You can only take so much.
-Are these guys for real? -Why not? They seem just like us: they never fight, they think exactly alike.
-Y eah.
You want some coffee? -Sure.
Anyway, they don't seem like criminals.
But what do I know? These glasses fooled me for two years.
oh, boy, what a dope.
Well, is it your fault that I picked such a brilliant disguise? Wait a minute.
Where's Lois Lane? She was just standing here a second ago.
Are we okay? Yeah, we're okay, I think.
Aren't we? Yeah, I guess so.
I just had the strangest nightmare-like flash about us today.
You too? Because I had a nightmare about us.
Well, I don't get it.
I thought we stopped talking about, you know so that we wouldn't have this pressure.
Maybe we should just stop talking, period.
What's that? Lois! -oh, great.
-lt was Bad Brain.
I figured.
-So this is where you keep the suits.
-Kept.
oh, there's one left.
Look at this cape.
-My mom's gonna kill me.
-I thought they were indestructible.
only when I'm wearing them.
Anything close to me is contained within an aura that extends a few millimeters from my skin.
Well, thanks for keeping me close.
This time.
Listen, Lois, that machine mistook you for me.
That means that Bad Brain is gonna be coming for you next.
-Well, I'll be ready.
-You'll be out of reach.
-No.
You listen to me, partner-- -No, Superman doesn't have a partner.
-I'm talking to Clark.
-Please don't make my job any harder -than it has to be.
-I'm not gonna disappear.
I know, I know.
But how do you feel about a vacation? This great little out-of-the-way place that I know.
Who wants extra spicy? Careful, Lois.
Dad's extra spicydeadly.
The rest of us have grown a tolerance over the years.
Don't pay any attention to them.
-Sure, I'll try it.
-Gambler in the house.
Almost finished.
I'm surprised you had so much material, Mom.
Well, to tell the truth, I got it on special.
So, Lois, Clark tells me that you're gonna be staying with us till this Barnacle Bill gets bored or calls it quits.
Bad Brain.
Bad-- -I can't keep up.
-Actually, I'm only gonna stay for a couple of days.
I don't wanna make Clark handle the whole thing by himself.
oh, but, honey.
Sometimes, don't you have to let Clark go it alone? -You're a little more likely to get hurt.
-on the other hand Lois is a smart lady, and she doesn't wanna be pushed aside.
Listen to us.
You'd think it was our problem.
I'm sure you guys are working this stuff out if you're talking about marriage.
oh, I forgot.
You're not talking about it.
We just decided to give it a little rest.
It was-- Thank you.
-lt was making us both a little nuts.
-You see how things change, Martha? In our day, it would've driven us nuts not to talk about it.
Lord, yes.
I was so nervous about getting married.
If I'd held in my silly little fears, they would've become gigantic.
Maybe you'd have even had nightmares.
-Probably.
-oh, boy.
-Would you look at this.
-oh, turn it up.
To repeat: An 8.
4 earthquake has struck Beijing, China.
There are reports of hundreds of people trapped and buried in the rubble.
.
I've gotta go.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Lois, please don't leave until I get back.
Residents are bracing for the loss of electricity.
Much of the older section of the city is destroyed.
The number of homeless is reported to be in the tens of thousands.
We can now report that Superman has just arrived in the city.
Rescue workers and ordinary citizens stand cheering as he begins single.
handedly moving tons of rubble and twisted metal.
Having reported myself from scenes of devastation such as this I can tell you this is a.
.
Your Honor, Lois and Clark deserve the credit here.
The important thing is Bad Brain is right back in jail.
Which is where we want him.
Darling, listen to this.
A message for Lois.
I've reassembled certain words from Superman's speech -to leave a message for her.
.
Lois, I think we may have Bad Brain .
right where we want him.
-oh, honey, it's fantastic.
A few more words and we'll have quite an enticing little come-hither.
Anything about Kent's death on the news? No, this earthquake in China's a slightly bigger deal.
But, sweetheart, Superman's over there.
I can't think of a better time to spring a trap.
Who's helping you, Bad Brain? Who knew there was kryptonite at ST AR Labs? ST AR Labs.
They're on the board.
Right, your earliest flight to Metropolis.
Superman still in China? Repairing the Great Wall.
Boy Scout.
I think it's time Bad Brain Johnson made his next move.
Don't you? -Excuse me, can I help you? -I'm waiting for Miss Lane.
Lois is gonna be out of the office for a while.
-Her and Mr.
Kent are out-- -Dr.
Klein.
-Lois.
-Lois? -Thanks for meeting me.
-What are you doing here? You're supposed to be laying low.
Now, where's Clark? Is he okay? -He's fine.
-Where's your bulletproof vest? Dry cleaner's.
Let me wear that tie.
Bullets will run screaming.
It's a gift.
Hey.
Dr.
Klein, is it possible that somebody on the board of STAR Labs knew that you had kryptonite? Dr.
Klein? -I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.
-Well, this is urgent.
Kryptonite is out there and so is Superman.
So who knew? You must understand that research grants today are harder to come by.
They offered to make a major donation towards my work if I confirmed the presence of kryptonite.
They' re highly respected members of the board.
I didn't think it'd hurt for them to know.
After the stuff was stolen, I was afraid that I'd be ruined.
It's Tim and Amber Lake who know, isn't it? Isn't it? Yes.
-Lois Lane.
-Lois.
I think we may have Bad Brain right where we want him.
Meet me in the alley behind the Daily Planet.
Don't move.
Clark--? Superman.
Superman, what's going--? Bad Brain.
oh, don't look so shocked.
on second thought, do.
Two down, one to go.
You're next, Superman.
-When did she go? -We don't know.
We woke up-- She was gone.
Bad Brain.
Oh, don 't look so shocked.
On second thought, do.
-Where's Lois? -Superman.
What's happened? -Bad Brain.
-Oh, don 't look so shocked.
On second thought, do.
Two down and one to go.
You 're next, Superman.
No! I wouldn't do that.
Sustained contact for longer than 0.
3 seconds will detonate the 200 pounds of TNT directly beneath your feet.
-Why am I here? -We're faking your death.
-Everybody thinks I'm dead? -Especially Superman.
A little video editing, coupled with Bad Brain Johnson's very public hatred of you.
Everyone thinks that you were fried by Bad Brain's electro-whammy.
-Where is Bad Brain? -His death, we didn't fake.
You killed him? Right after we broke him out of prison.
He was superfluous.
We wanted you.
As a means to an end.
Superman's.
We're collectors.
You're the honey, honey.
Superman's the bee.
What's happened? I didn't know how else to reach you.
I know she was your friend.
I'm so desperately sorry.
Thank you.
-Did Miss Lane tell you about the Lakes? -No.
Right after they asked about the kryptonite, the robbery happened.
Isn't the robber the one who killed Ms.
Lane? Well, where is he? For heaven's sake, how long does it take to put all the pieces together? -Apparently not long.
-Superman, delightful to see you.
-Caffe latte? -Maybe he prefers decaf.
-Where's Bad Brain? -I can't help you with Bad Brain.
I think you'll agree, though, we have something much more interesting.
What's going on, Lake? I'm in no mood for guessing games.
But are you in the mood for this? -Superman.
-Lois.
So near and yet so far.
-It's a trap.
-I know.
-They have kryptonite.
-I don't care.
You've got 30 seconds.
You mess with the timer, she dies.
You break the light field, she dies.
You try to disarm the bomb and clean our clocks, she also dies.
The only way for you to save her is to join our collection.
Forever.
-Don't do it.
-It's the only way to keep you alive.
Would you stop? The world needs you.
-And I need you.
-T en seconds and counting.
You'll be trapped, caged.
-I'll be with you.
-Two seconds.
No.
-Lift off.
-We did it! You see, Superman, we wanted you alive.
Lois is the lock on your cage.
Either of you breaks the light field, she gets it.
No matter how fast you fly, you still set it off.
Now, the floor is a minefield.
Anyone tries to rescue-- Well, you get the idea.
We'll talk about your feeding schedule later.
-How about a drink, Amber? -I'm buying.
oh, one last detail.
With the two of you and Clark dead, no one will come looking for you.
And since Bad Brain did it, no one will come looking for us.
oh, isn't he fantastic? Welcome to forever.
This isn't exactly how I pictured us getting old together.
You gave up everything in your life for me.
Without you, it wouldn't have been a life.
She's gone, Jimmy.
I'll never get used to that either.
Now, have we heard from Clark? No.
Why couldn't she have just stayed hidden? Lois is a very-- Was a very headstrong woman.
Chief, Superman will find Bad Brain, and when he does, I'd hate to be in his shoes.
But I'd love to be there to see Superman kick his butt.
Yeah, but where is Superman? I mean, is he even on the case? You want my guess? Superman is somewhere bumming bigtime.
Don't come in here unless you got good news.
There's a package for you, Mr.
White.
Thank you.
What's this? oh, my God.
He's dead.
Superman is dead.
I was thinking.
-About? -Little things.
All the stupid little things I let bother me.
Things I kept inside I let keep us apart.
I know.
I was the same way.
Your parents were right.
Not talking about our fears just made them worse than they are.
I guess you don't really wanna be Superman, do you? No.
I guess you think of me as more than a hood ornament.
I don't even own a car.
God.
I wish I could touch you.
Well, you can touch me, with your words.
Ever since we met.
Actually ever since I took the time to listen something about you always made sense to me.
Even when a huge part of you didn't make any sense there was a part deep down that-- That did.
That's the part that touches me.
Just makes sense out of life.
-Lois.
-I know.
I know.
Lois, wake up.
-I'm getting us out of here.
-What? I can fly around the world in minutes, right? Well, I've always thought in theory, if I could focus that energy, I could vastly increase my speed.
Well, how will increasing your speed help us escape? Because if I could gear up my speed and shift it back and forth, I'll vibrate.
Vibrate so fast that I could displace my molecular structure.
And turn yourself into a mass of loose molecules? And pass through this force field.
Well, what if it doesn't work? -It's all semi-theoretical.
-It's semi-suicidal! okay, tell me the truth.
Could it kill you? -I don't know.
-Well, you weren't willing to let me die for you, so why should I let you die for me? At least this has a chance, Lois.
That's what you and I together are all about: Taking a chance.
See, it doesn't work.
Clark, it's just too hard.
Remember, I love you.
No, Clark, don't.
Come back to me.
You did it.
You did it.
Clark, listen to me.
You can't touch the floor.
You gotta fly, you can't touch the floor.
That's it.
You can do it.
You're doing great.
That's it.
-What's that? -A problem.
If you touch the force field, the spark is sent across one of these jumpers and the bomb goes off.
The problem is I don't know which one.
Five are dummies, only one is real.
So, what do I do? -Touch the force field.
-What? I'll stop the circuit before it closes.
Are you sure you're faster than electricity? Yeah, yeah.
I know.
Take a chance.
Okay.
So I'll go on three.
You know, one, two.
okay.
-Yeah, I'm not gonna say ""Three.
"" -Lois.
okay.
Here goes.
one, two.
Clark.
What's happening? There's a problem in the zoo.
I'll handle the Lakes.
You go call the police.
The cops, right.
And then what? Then we'll go home because we got a lot of explaining to do.
-What? -I'll tell you about it later.
With any luck, that'll be the last time Tim and Amber Lake see each other.
Great job, you two.
If you want a lifetime contract, just see me.
-Actually, we're working on that.
-Definitely.
Well, I know you-all have had a difficult time these last couple of weeks.
We're okay, Perry.
Yeah, well, just remember, there's no perfect sunsets.
There's a little crack in every cloud, but that's what gives you your silver lining.
So, well, here's to silver linings.
I'll drink to that.
What do you think? There's no time like the right time.