Love (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

1 [KEVIN.]
I started going out on commercial auditions.
I got real close to one last week for Fruit by the Foot.
But it's like they could tell I hated Fruit by the Foot.
- I hate it.
It's too much fruit.
- I know.
Very few foods are improved by becoming flatter.
- Hmm.
- I feel strongly about that.
Oh, my God.
- Kevin, what is this? - What's what? I don't know.
It seems like some sort of gift of some kind.
I don't know, maybe - Maybe you should check it.
- What is this? Who? What? What is this? First Month, Last Month? Written by Gus Cruikshank? Yeah, it's a script I wrote.
I actually rewrote one of the parts for, who was it? You? - Wait, what? I got a role in this? - Yes.
Kevin is Roman.
Wait.
Oh, shit.
Oh, wait.
There's mad Roman in here.
Oh, all kinds of Roman, all over the place.
It's a good part too, man.
It's really, really good.
Roman is this recently divorced journalist who moves into an apartment complex, kinda like this.
And then he finds out that the landlady is this black widow-type who gets off on watching her male tenants get murdered, right? But Roman, he's different, 'cause he's got nothing to lose, you know? - Wow.
- [CHRIS BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Oh, I'm so freaking psyched, man.
[CHUCKLES.]
Gus here's giving me my first real stunt job.
Ah, whatever.
It's all you, man.
You're gonna kill it.
It's called a, uh a mid-level jump fall.
It's easy.
I've practiced that shit already.
You're gonna kill it, man.
Hey, Joe, Gloria, you guys are witnessing cinematic history over here.
He's the new Hitchcock, and I'm The Birds.
And he's the, uh, Rear Window.
[GUS CHUCKLES.]
- Syd! Otis! What's up? Hey, guys.
- Hey! Say hi, buddy.
- Hey.
- Shaun? What are you doing here? Oh, me and Shaun are mommy friends.
God, that sounds awful.
"Mommy friends.
" We are two adult women who are raising children.
[CHUCKLES.]
You didn't think to come over and say hi? When you once walked three miles in a snowstorm to buy cocaine.
- You can't walk two feet? - I mean, we just came by for a playdate.
I don't want to bore you with kid stuff.
You kidding me? I love kids.
Right? Yes.
Oh, Harrison.
You're getting so big.
Do you still have those enormous balls? Why would you ask him that? What? 'Cause when he was first born, you used to text me pictures of his enormous balls.
That's why I'd ask that.
Otis has really tiny balls.
When he was a baby, Jeff had to squeeze up in there and make sure they hadn't sucked back up into his abdomen.
- It happens.
- Cool.
So, what's going on? We should hang out, right? It's been too long, I could come over on Friday, maybe, and Brian could grill some stuff, and we could pretend to help.
No, I don't know.
I've got this dumb thing I can't get out of.
Shaun, come on, we invented this "dumb thing I can't get out of.
" What's up? [SIGHS.]
Fine.
Brian doesn't want you to come over anymore.
What? Seriously? Mickey, the last time you came to our house, you got in a fight.
Oh, thank you.
And you jumped off our roof into the pool.
You did ruin my dinner party one time.
I'm not even here.
It's so true.
So true, and I'm very sorry.
The bottom line is, is that I have a baby now and a nice house, and Brian says your drama is too draining.
Listen, I tried to talk to him, and he just won't listen, so he's not gonna let you come over.
He's not gonna let me come to the house? Do you hear yourself? I thought you were a strong woman, and now some man is gonna tell you who can and cannot come to your own house? Give me a break.
Don't get all political here.
It's not like you're fighting Sharia law.
It's not just me.
I'm part of a family.
Brian says our house is a sacred space, and you know what? He's right.
Okay.
Then why don't you and Brian come over to my house? That way I won't taint your sacred space with my toxicity.
I don't know.
[SIGHS.]
Are we still friends? - Yeah, yes.
Yes.
- Okay.
If it's Brian who's getting in the way of you and me hanging out, let me try and fix this.
Just give me a chance.
I'm I'm in recovery, so you have to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Yep.
All right, all right.
All right.
But it has to begin on the early side.
We have to eat at 5:30 'cause of Harrison's schedule.
That's fine.
I don't care.
I'll do whatever.
I'll even cook.
- You're gonna cook? - Yes! I'm gonna cook.
I will cook Brian's favorite dish.
- What does he like? - Uh He had a Jewish grandmother, so he loves a good brisket.
That sounds so hard.
Could I do a Lunchables spread? - Ugh.
Mickey, come on - I was kidding.
- Come on.
All right.
- I was kidding.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GUS.]
Hey.
How we feeling, buddy? - Everything good? - This is gonna be great.
We've got permits on lock.
We're gonna be on time, under budget.
- Nothing to worry about.
- Beautiful.
'Cause, uh, I'm a little nervous.
I've put $5,000 in this thing.
- You have - It's most of my savings, so - nothing to worry about.
- Okay.
I just finished working on my cousin's short film.
- Almost got into Slamdance.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Wow.
Gus, can I talk to you about these new sides real quick? Yeah, what's up? Uh, in this pool scene, you want me to show my ass? Yeah, I guess what I was thinking is this scene's, sort of, uh, how Roman's becoming more vulnerable in front of the landlady, so I thought, "Oh, he's emotionally naked, he's physically naked.
" Plus, a lot of times in these erotic thrillers, they're showing off ladies' bodies, and I'm trying to flip that on its head.
It's not happening, man.
I'm a professional, Gus.
I'll bare my soul for you, but I'm not gonna bare my ass.
I'm trying to be Tom Hanks of this generation.
- You know what Tom Hanks' ass look like? - No.
Exactly, because he doesn't show it to anyone.
Just like me.
Okay.
That's fine.
I'm glad we could talk about this.
That's what I wanted, a dialogue between actors and directors [MICKEY.]
Yeah, she was my freshman roommate.
My family fucked me over so hard.
She was the first person I trusted after them.
Well, I once had a roommate who I thought would be a lifelong friend and my future maid of honor, but then one day she announced that she hated me, and we haven't spoken since, so people change.
Hmm.
Why would I agree to make a brisket? I barely know what it is.
Do you know what color The Joy of Cooking is? Brisket? You say brisket? [MICKEY.]
Yeah.
That's like, uh, the beef from the lower part of the chest.
Same with veal.
The secret to brisket is you have to baste it continually while roasting it.
Since when do you know how to cook? Well, I do watch 15 to 25 hours worth of cooking shows a week.
Chopped, Top Chef, Cutthroat Kitchen.
Guy's Grocery Games.
So do you just watch or can you cook? Oh, yeah.
No, I know what I'm doing.
My parents used to work late.
So, after school, I'd get home and make dinner for the entire family.
Could you help us, though? 'Cause Mickey wants to reconnect with her old friends, so maybe your brisket could save her.
Yeah, I'm on it.
Brisket is the main.
And we'll build some apps around that, figure it out.
I've never seen you cook.
- Bertie, has he ever cooked for you? - No.
Yeah, I mean, I know what I'm doing, though.
We can do a basic rub.
Salt, pepper, cayenne.
We can braise it with red wine.
That's actually really nice, Randy.
Thanks.
Chef Randy's on it.
Cool.
Can we just gather up, everybody, real quick for one second? Just gather round here, gather round, gather round.
Um, a man is nothing without his friends, and all of you are more than friends to me.
You're family.
And that's what I want this set to be, I want it to be a family.
So think of this as the Olive Garden of sets, okay? [CHUCKLING.]
But instead of unlimited breadsticks, it's unlimited creativity.
I want everybody to have a good time, have fun, get along, okay? 'Cause we're not just making a movie here.
We're making art.
We're making something beautiful, and, um, I don't think we should be ashamed to say that.
There's no shame in trying to make something beautiful.
Okay? - [ALL EXCLAIM.]
- Let's make some magic.
- All right.
- Yeah! - To our places.
- [ALL CHUCKLING.]
Picture up and roll sound.
All right, sound is - [CHRIS.]
Ready? - speeding.
Slate for First Month, Last Month, directed by the Gus Cruikshank.
Scene six, take one and slate.
All right.
And action.
So, you'd move in on the 15th.
Typically, I'd ask for first and last months' rent, but you've got a great face.
Hmm.
Guess the last guy left in a hurry.
- Why the fuck would you say that? - [DRILLING.]
I'm sorry.
It's just He was a great tenant.
I was really sad to see him go.
Sound is picking up that drilling.
Yeah.
Guys, just hold on one sec.
Should we cut? No, we've got so much to shoot here.
Uh, you know, there's drilling in real life.
- There's drilling here.
- Yeah.
- There's drilling in real life.
- [DRILLING STOPS.]
- Keep going.
Sorry.
- Hey, all clear.
- Hey! All right! Okay, go for it.
- Okay.
[DRILLING RESTARTS.]
- [GUS.]
No, scratch that.
Sorry.
- Yeah, it's You know, I [SIGHS.]
Just thinking about it, drilling sort of has sexual connotations.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- This is a seduction scene, so All right.
Maybe it does work as subtext? I think that's really great.
Still rolling! Okay, the drilling is subtext for sex.
And action! Okay.
Okay.
[LOUDLY.]
You remind me of my ex-husband! - What took you so long? - Mmm I'm It's so loud.
- Let's cut.
Let's cut.
- [CHRIS.]
It's a cut.
- That's a cut.
- Okay.
- Uh - [DRILLING STOPS.]
Whoa.
Oh, no, no, no, let's go, uh, just reset.
- Shall I go from the entrance? - From the top? - [WADE.]
No.
Get out here.
- [BETH.]
Okay.
- [GUS.]
Stay there.
- Stop.
- And action! - Action! [BETH.]
You'd move in on the 15th.
- Typically, I'd ask for first and last - [DRILLING RESTARTS.]
[GROANS.]
Stop! Let's just cut.
Forget it.
[WADE.]
Cut! If they're doing construction on the gym, I'm gonna freak out.
It's perfect the way it is.
Hold on, I'll check.
[GUS SIGHS.]
Okay.
Can we lose anything here? Lose something? [WADE.]
Yeah, our schedule's blown to shit if we keep stopping like this.
- Chris' stunt? - Okay.
- Maybe cut Chris' stunt? - Yeah, great.
- That's gonna take a lot of time to shoot.
- Totally.
I'm only doing it so he does something cool for his reel.
- Mm-hmm.
I love it.
- And you can tell Chris? You let him know? - Chris is a really good friend of mine.
- Right.
And You're making me be a dick here to him.
Well, he's a good friend of mine, too.
Probably, no offense, but a better friend, just 'cause I've known him longer and I know him pretty well.
Well Do you know who his first crush was? - Emily.
- Yeah, I can - I know - It was Emily.
I knew it, but I couldn't get to it.
But I knew it was Emily.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cool, I'll go, uh, crush his dreams.
Just, uh, you know We're all doing this for free.
Thanks, Wade.
Randy, when's it gonna be done? When it's amazing.
You have to love and coddle a brisket, and when it's ready, it'll slide right out of the oven, like a baby sliding out of the womb.
- So you're not even close.
- That is correct.
People are hungry.
Can you turn up the heat? It's at 320.
I can pump it up to 340, - but I'm not crazy about that, Mickey.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
This is not who I am.
I'm not going over there.
Roman is a good guy.
He's a father.
And I'm starting to think he never laid a hand on you.
[SIGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
- [KEVIN.]
Whoa.
What the hell, man! - Tell it to the judge! Whoa.
Whoa.
[SCREAMS.]
- Gus! - What are you doing? - I'm doing the jump.
- Why didn't you go through the front door? Wade, did you tell him to go through the front door? - I mentioned it.
- Yeah.
I know.
I wanna do the jump.
No, we cut the jump.
It's an easy jump.
I've practiced it on the volleyball court.
Chris, if you're not in front of the camera, it's not gonna be on camera.
You get that, right? - You fix it in editing.
- [GUS.]
Tell me you understand that.
This light is broken.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe we shoot another scene right now.
Maybe the thing out in the hallway.
- Who's gonna operate the camera? - [CHRIS.]
I wouldn't have gotten hurt.
- It's not about the stunt.
- We know, man.
You're the best.
I'm sure it would've been a great stunt.
It's that, if it's not on camera, you can't Fine.
But it's a 15-foot, barely even, jump.
Pizza party! - Did you get Supreme? - Yeah, I got Supreme.
[WADE.]
Eat quick, guys.
Eat as quick as you can.
[BRIAN SINGING.]
The pale, round moon One in orbit [BOTH SINGING.]
One cocooned Who can say who is who? I'd be seeing you And you'd be seeing me And that's how it would be I call these years the carousel And one day you'll be your own man Little man Just like I was, too Loops and circles Stops and starts Windowsill, a shopping cart [BOTH SINGING.]
A great ride It goes round and round Just me.
Admissions cost pays overtime It's the ride we ride and ride Round and round Till it hits the ground That was so special.
- Huh.
Still working on it.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- It's about fatherhood.
- Hmm.
Is that too obvious? Oh, not at all.
It was just the right amount of obvious.
And it actually very much spoke to me when you sang about the shopping cart, because recently, I was at the supermarket, and my shopping cart was hit by a car.
So that was my number one part of the song.
See, right? Mm-hmm.
Is this dinner gonna have any actual dinner? [CHUCKLES.]
Almost ready.
[MICKEY SIGHS.]
So, did you guys ever decide on a school for Harrison? We're leaning towards Montessori school and - Do you really even care? - Yeah, I care.
Of course I care.
What's the funniest thing that he said this week? Um Uh, well, he's been calling the toilet the "white chair.
" - So cute.
That's cute.
- [SHAUN.]
It's cute.
[MICKEY.]
Ooh, look at this! [RANDY.]
Speaking of chairs, stay seated in yours.
I present to you the amuse-bouche.
That's right.
They are stuffed half olives with a chili glaze.
[BERTIE.]
Whoa, Randy, that is so impressive.
Is Gordon Ramsay back there screaming at you to make everything so small? - It's great! - [RANDY CHUCKLING.]
No, it's just me and Grandpa back there.
Which one's the cook? [CHUCKLES.]
There's one for each of us, and there's an extra one for the chef.
Yeah, uh, when does the actual food come? Um, all right.
Cards on the table.
Um [CLICKS TONGUE.]
The amuse-bouche set me back a bit, so it's gonna be a while.
Jesus.
Should I go and grab a burger? No! No, no, no.
This is good.
We'll go smoke, and that'll take your mind off of the food, and you two will be fine by yourselves, right? Oh, absolutely.
I mean, I run focus groups, so I love to just listen.
Great! And you will get to cooking.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Come on, let's go.
- [BRIAN GROANS.]
- Hey, Ruby.
Hey, buddy, how's it going? I'm putting the vest on right now.
[GUS.]
Okay.
So, I'm gonna go like this.
Okay? And then you activate the squibs, okay? That's when you set it off.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Okay? - Okay.
- [GUS.]
All right.
All right.
- So we only really got one shot at this.
- Yeah, I know.
I only have a single set of squibs, and it costs $400, so Oh! $400? - Yeah, that's - You got ripped off, man.
- The guy at Witchita sold me the squibs.
- You're getting ripped off! Sorry, Wade.
I gotta talk to you.
So I was thinking that I wanna add a slight facial tic to my character.
At first, it's an eye thing.
Like this.
- Or a mouth A very subtle - Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
No, no, no.
We could do that.
- Like a thing - Yeah.
- Yeah.
It's just like - [DEAN.]
Oh! - What the fuck? Holy shit! Were we rolling? We were rolling, right? Of course not.
Nobody said - We were talking.
- No! What? What? - What the hell? - Ruby! - You got it? - [ALL.]
No! We weren't rolling.
- I didn't give you the signal.
- You went like this! No! No! No! No! I was like this! I wasn't like this.
- This is different than this.
- [CHRIS.]
Oh, shit! This is different than this.
- It did look cool, though.
- [BETH.]
Yeah.
[DEAN.]
I told you he's the wrong man for the job.
[BETH.]
You could use CGI.
You know what, guys? Uh Hey! Hey! Uh, could I get five minutes? No problem.
Just give me five minutes just to [VOCALIZING.]
Okay, all right, that's a hard fiver, folks.
People keep asking me if it's a concept album.
I don't know.
Just trying to do something different.
Yeah, I liked how the guy went from diapers to diapers.
It was very full circle.
Well, the idea is that each song is a year of the guy's life.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I got that.
It was exactly like the movie Boyhood.
I can't believe you said that.
That's exactly the reference I'm going for, and nobody gets it.
Dude, it's super obvious.
You copied the movie.
Wow.
You, uh you don't really pull any punches, do you? No.
It's kind of my brand.
[CHUCKLES.]
- No bullshit? - Mm-hmm.
That's my brand.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- It is.
- You used to like me, remember? - There was a time.
It was a long time ago.
A lot has changed.
You used to like to have fun.
- It was crazy times.
We were younger - Mm-hmm.
Some of us have to grow up.
Yeah.
True.
But I'm trying, dude.
You are trying.
- What are you doing? - We're short an onion.
I'm gonna go check with your neighbor.
Brisket needs one more onion.
[EXHALES.]
[BERTIE.]
Gosh.
It must be nice to have a friend like Mickey care about you so much.
Tonight's pretty much all about you.
It seems like she went through a lot of effort.
It's nice, I guess.
And it seems like things are going well with her and Gus? Oh, yeah.
I'm just glad all that stuff with Dustin's over.
What? Oh.
No, I misspoke.
Did she hook up with Dustin? I don't know.
You know what? I don't know.
I have the same amount of information you do 'cause we're both best friends with her, which is nothing.
Nothing happened.
So, no.
Fucking Mickey.
It doesn't matter if she's sober or has a nice boyfriend.
She just hasn't changed at all.
Fuck! [KEVIN.]
My ex made me feel like shit.
Like I wasn't enough.
Like my family would be better off without me.
But with you, I feel like a man.
Dude, this sucks, right? I know what you think.
You think I don't know what's been going on.
I know what's been going on around here.
I think he's fucking nailing it.
You think he's nailing it? And I know what you want.
Is that good, Gus? - Yeah.
Uh, cut.
- Was that the last take? You said Kevin would be done an hour ago, and we have reservations at Asanebo.
We're just running a little long here.
Okay? Don't hate me, but can we do just one little more take? Just one more take? Just one more! You definitely have it, okay? You're not shooting Doubt.
I'd like to think we're trying to be at the level of Doubt.
[WADE.]
Maybe we should wrap this up, Gus, before things get ugly.
Yeah.
Um - Let's wrap.
- You're gonna wrap? We're gonna wrap.
- Thank you.
- Great! Great day, everyone.
- Great first day, everybody.
- Great job! - Great day.
- [DEAN.]
It's in the can.
It's in the can.
I like that.
In the can.
[MICKEY CHUCKLES.]
Oh, I have a missed call from Gus.
You go ahead.
- Hey, see if he wants to come jam out.
- I will.
How's it going, Mr.
Spielberg? [GROANS.]
Not great.
Ugh.
Shit just kept happening today, and we had to wrap before I wanted to and [SIGHS.]
I don't know.
Maybe I'm supposed to be the stooge at Witchita, you know? Do you feel good about what you got? No! I mean, the performance sucked.
And then we had to stop before we even got the scene.
I feel like I fucking suck.
Well, go back there and get it.
Well, I can't.
Everybody's leaving so If they haven't left, it's not too late.
Go and tell them whatever you have to say.
This is important.
Get the fucking scene! Okay.
Yeah.
Um - I love you.
- I love you, too.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait! [PANTING.]
Guys, wait.
Um I lied.
This morning when I said, "Hey, I want us all to have fun.
" I did! I meant it.
But I also meant, "Hey, if this goes long, I just want you guys to stay here and help me out because, you know what? You all owe me.
" I've done you all huge favors.
Beth, remember when I wallpapered your kitchen? Then I said, "Well, sure, but will you help me out?" You said, "No.
" - Coachella, I went to Coachella.
- I know you went to Coachella.
But that doesn't fucking matter when I'm in your apartment alone.
Dean, I helped you move that fucking piano into your apartment.
- You remember? - Yeah, of course.
I lifted it up the steps.
It got stuck on the wall.
Then it moved and hit me in my dick! Yeah, hit your dick a bunch.
Chris.
You asked me to move your weight machine for you.
I'm moving stuff all over the place.
This is coming out all wrong.
You guys, you don't owe me.
The truth is This thing's just super important to me, and it's become this huge part of my life.
And it's so huge that if it sucks, then that means I suck, and I can't live with that right now.
So, if you wanna go, you can go, but it would mean the world to me if you just [SIGHS.]
if you stayed.
Gus, come on, it's cool, man.
We can come back.
- Right? - [BETH.]
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
It'll be great.
- Okay.
Thanks, guys.
Sorry, I ugh.
- It's no problem.
It shouldn't be a lot.
- [MICKEY.]
What? - I'm sorry.
I thought you already told her.
I'm really sorry! Told her what? I just thought you two are so much closer than you and I, so you probably would have already told her.
- What did you say? - So, you've been fucking Dustin again? What the fuck? What the fuck? You say you're getting better, but it's the same old bullshit.
You think you'll just get away with this and hope that Gus never finds out? Yeah.
I did some fucked-up shit.
I can admit that.
It's true.
I can admit it.
I've done some fucked-up shit.
But I am sober now, and I am really, really trying so hard to make a change.
The Dustin thing happened after you got sober, Mickey.
Are you fucking kidding me? - Did you draw a time line for her? - No! It's official.
There's no such thing as a Mickey night that doesn't end in screaming.
Okay, fuck you, by the way.
You're the reason I'm having problems with Shaun in the first place.
- You banned me from your house! - I didn't ban you.
She did.
- What? - Okay.
I did.
I did it.
I'm sorry.
I just can't take this anymore.
Drama follows you everywhere.
No! That's an excuse for you being a shitty friend to me ever since you had a kid.
I'm not a shitty friend.
This has been on purpose.
Can't you understand? I've been trying to get away from this relationship for years.
That is so mean.
And you cannot come back from that.
Yeah, I know.
I don't want to.
I'm gonna get my purse.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Where are they going? No.
No.
I can't have you mad at me all night.
Let's just talk about it.
I guess I just wonder why you even wanna be friends with me in the first place.
I don't know what you get out of this friendship.
You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
Sometimes it gets messy and scary, and everyone's yelling, but at least it's not boring.
Don't you know that? [SCOFFS.]
I don't know.
Shaun seems to think that it's not worth it.
[SIGHS.]
Maybe Shaun sucks.
She does kind of suck since the baby.
She wears cool outfits, but she's pretty boring to talk to.
Who would choose to be married to that guy? He really sucks.
Did you see the way she was looking at him when he was singing those stupid songs? I know.
She seemed very horny, and it was gross.
Do you want a brussels sprout? Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey.
How was the brisket? Too much salt? No, it's perfect.
You should be a professional chef.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
Okay.
- [BERTIE.]
She's not kidding.
- It'd be good if you tried to get a job.
- Yeah.
That's fine.
You could go to culinary school.
[CHUCKLES.]
And then what? You get a job as a chef.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'm glad that we're joking around again.
[SIGHS.]
Don't play coy.
You think I don't know what's going on here, but I do.
- And I know what you want.
- Oh, yeah? What's that? This.
Don't mind if I do.
- And cut! We got it! - Yeah! [ALL CHEER.]
Whoo-hoo! [LAUGHING.]
- Is that a wrap? - Uh You know what? I wanna fix one more thing.
And action! - [GRUNTING.]
I'll never do it! Never! - Marco, no! You better look in the mirror, Gloria, and make a change.
Marco! No! [ALL EXCLAIM.]
Motherfucker! [GROANING.]
Oh, shit! [PANTING.]
[GROANS.]
Fuck! Shit! - Yeah! - Yeah! Okay! Yeah, man.
I did it! I got it, right? What a badass! [MUSIC PLAYING.]