Magnum, P.I. (1980) s03e06 Episode Script
Black on White
What did Private Clutterbuck tell you? That you'd served together in the same unit in Kenya and one by one, members of your old unit were being killed by a Mau Mau.
- There are two ways of approaching this.
- Your way or my way.
The adult way or the child's way.
Tomorrow, for sure.
That Mau Mau will strike tonight.
Tomorrow night at the latest.
- Magnum! - Don't you ever knock? - 'Allo, ducks! - Good Lord! Where'd you learn your trade, girl, watching old Ronald Colman movies? Sorry, it usually works on men your age.
Especially when there's a full moon.
"So we'll go no more a-roving "So late into the night "Though the heart be still as loving "And the moon be still as bright.
"For the sword outwears its sheath "And the soul wears out the beasts "And the heart must pause to breathe "And love itself have rest.
" "And though the night was made for loving "And the day returns too soon "Yet we'll go no more a-roving "By the light of the moon.
" If you ladies will excuse me, I'll ask our accompanist to play something more appropriate to Lord Byron.
Jonathan! I thought your reading was breathtaking, simply breathtaking.
I'm glad it was good.
Thank you.
It wasn't just good.
It was splendid.
We must discuss Elizabeth's poetry.
- Elizabeth's? - Barrett Browning! - Oh, of course.
- Splendid.
Then I'll return this e'en.
Say, around seven? Tonight? Perhaps tomorrow.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must put a stop to that infernal chanting.
On the morrow! Living alone has terrific advantages.
You can eat, sleep, go in and out and burp whenever you want.
It also has one terrific disadvantage - when you lose something, there's no one to blame but yourself.
Magnum! Magnum! Higgins! Don't come in! - You came in! - What in God's name are you doing? I told you not to come in.
Remember that.
I tried to stop you.
Stop me? Stop me? As caretaker of Robin Masters' estate, I have a perfect right to enter day or night! You'll wish you didn't.
I also have a right to demand that you stop blasting Masai fertility chants Is that what they are? while I am reciting We'll Go No More A-Roving.
We'll Go No More A-Roving? A lesser known poem of Lord Byron's.
I was holding a recitation for the Honolulu Society For The Preservation Of English Poetry.
Oh, my God! - What's wrong? - London blitzed didn't look this bad.
- How can you live in such filth? - It's not filthy.
It's just a little messy.
As Robin Masters What's that? - Doc lbold.
- Dr.
Ibold? What's he doing here? Probably nailing up the quarantine sign.
That ought to do it.
- Oh, no! - It's not my fault.
I told him to stay out but he wouldn't listen, he used his key.
- Quarantine? - Damn it! I was afraid this would happen.
You've never had African Hemorrhagic Fever? - Of course not! - It happens to the best of families.
Right? Right.
I caught it in '63 in Nigeria.
During my stint in the Peace Corps.
And you caught it? Magnum, how could you? - Gee, I guess I wanted to get sick.
- You don't look sick.
- I don't feel sick.
- He may not be sick.
We'll know when the incubation period is over.
How did you manage to expose yourself to something as obscure as African Hemorrhagic Fever? I followed Mrs.
Davis aboard the Katanga during my investigation.
That sordid divorce case! I knew something like this would happen.
One of the sailors got it yesterday.
The entire ship's been quarantined.
And everyone who was in contact with him, including Thomas.
And now, I'm afraid, you too.
- How long? - Seven days.
You mean for the next week I'm going to have to live in this - squalor with - I found it! him.
Island Hoppers, your magic carpet in paradise.
Hi, T.
C.
It's T.
M.
Are you there, T.
C.
? Your phone is ringing.
It's just Thomas asking me to fly him somewhere for gas money.
Island Hoppers.
Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you.
Beep.
What if that were someone wanting to hire your magic carpet? - Uh isn't that why you're here? - Yes.
Well I've only got one magic carpet.
Er, Miss? Kiamani.
Bibi Kiamani.
Now, then.
The first order of business is to clean up this this pigsty.
Then I'll assign sleeping quarters, work up a fitness program and determine kitchen duties.
I hope your larder is amply stocked.
While you're in there would you get me a beer? Fortunately, it's the start of the month and the main house has food more suitable to my palate.
I'll ask Dr.
Ibold to transfer Magnum.
- Sorry, want a bite? - No, I don't want a bite.
It won't work, you know.
- What won't? - I won't let you get to me.
Oh.
I'm not trying to get to you.
I'm stuck with you because you barged in here! - I explained all that.
- Which in my book makes you the guest.
The unwanted guest.
So, if there are any rules to be made, I will make them.
And the first one is live and let live.
Magnum.
- Live and let live can only lead to anarchy.
- So be it! We have to find a more sensible way of surviving this.
No, we don't! Yes, we do.
I see two ways of approaching this.
Your way or my way.
The adult way or the child's way.
And I suppose I'm the child? - Who's ahead? - He is.
No, I meant the ballgame.
Hi, Thomas.
How's it going? That's far enough.
He's not going to be in quarantine with us? - Not if I can help it.
- Thank God.
- Hey, did you get it? - Yeah, catch.
Where's the batteries? Hey, thanks, Rick.
This is great! You're welcome.
If you need me I'll be in the main house.
- What? - Someone has to take care of the dogs.
- The lads will stay here with me.
- No, they won't! Yes, they will! You don't want to expose them to the fever? Canines are not susceptible to African Hemorrhagic Fever! - Are they? - Yes, they are.
Well, now that that's settled, I'll talk to you guys later.
Thanks, Rick, Doc.
A touchdown for the Raiders with a 93-yard fumble recoveryl - No lads for a week.
- Cheer up, Higgins.
We all have our little crosses to bear.
shabby quality demonstration that has taken place today on this gridiron.
This is an embarrassment to the entire league.
You know what I like about you? What? You got class.
You haven't said one word about my attire.
But why should I? I assume that you dined out last night.
- In a tux? - Well, it was Saturday night.
What's that London magazine you work for? - Lords And Ladies.
- Never heard of it.
You can only subscribe to Lords And Ladies if you're in the registry.
- Registry? - Burke's Peerage.
You know, lords and ladies.
Dukes and duchesses.
Oh, that registry.
- Where are you from? - Kenya.
That's where I was born.
My parents immigrated to England when I was three months old.
Wasn't the African emigration from Kenya frozen in the mid-'50s after the uprising? Yes, that's true.
But I'm a bit older than that, thank you.
I was born in '48.
- '48, '58, '68 - How long to Robin Masters' estate? We've been flying over it for ten minutes.
That's the main complex up ahead.
How close can we get? Er as close as you'd like.
I'm sort of a close personal friend of Robin Masters, you know.
This is intolerable! I'm going to insist the FAA send a man out to ground him the moment he lands.
Tell them to have T.
C.
Call me.
He always hangs up.
Must be something wrong with his phone.
Higgins.
I found the package marked "lads".
There must be a mistake - this is top sirloin.
- It's no mistake.
- Rick! Char it on the outside and send it down with a bottle of red.
Are you kidding? I'm gonna eat it myself.
Only kidding, guys.
- Don't you dare.
- OK, OK.
Chop the steak into two-inch cubes and sprinkle on parsley and garlic.
The lads prefer it that way.
- Tough.
- What? Erm, that was Zeus, he said, "Ruff.
" It didn't sound like Zeus.
More like Apollo.
Oh, my God! Forget it, Higgins.
He's heading for the hangar.
So am I.
Good night.
It's not even seven yet.
I don't feel so good.
Small wonder.
You've had two hot dogs, three beers, a bag of pretzels, Lord knows how many Fig Newtons and a couple Magnum.
You don't suppose it's the fever? No.
Like you said, all that food and no exercise.
- Perhaps I should call Dr.
Ibold? - Don't bother, he'll be by tomorrow.
Couple of Seltzers, I'll be fine.
Night, Higgins.
Good night, Magnum.
At last.
Silence.
Thomas.
Psst! Thomas.
- Thomas.
- Shh! Just a second.
- Aren't you afraid of catching the fever? - I'm just terrified.
- Where's Edwin? - Right here, old chap.
Any sign of him? No.
- But that bloody wog's on the island.
- Shh! Mr.
Clutterbuck, I don't know what actually happened in Kenya in '53 I've told you.
If you don't believe me, ask the sergeant major.
I can't.
Higgins might get suspicious and realize this quarantine thing's a ruse.
- If there is a Mau Mau out there - There is.
he'd be an easy target.
Instead of watching that concert on TV, he'd be attending it, regardless of the risk.
The old sergeant major.
Always was as stubborn as a Welsh donkey.
We can't keep Higgins quarantined forever.
We don't have to.
That Mau Mau will strike tonight, tomorrow night at the latest.
How can you be sure? Buckminster, Taylor, Crawford were all murdered a month apart on a full moon.
Tried to get me last month, on a full moon.
What does a full moon have to do with it? Who can figure a bloody wog? - Dogs locked up? - In the wine cellar.
Those Dobermans.
They could give us a warning.
The Mau Mau would torture a man's animals, behead them, as a sign, isn't that right? Not just animals.
The dogs stay in the wine cellar.
Oh.
Très gallant.
Look, I haven't liked you since I found you at the front gate looking for Higgins.
Your story smells like low tide at the docks.
I'm going along with you cos I got no choice.
I just stopped in Hawaii to warn a chum, that's all.
I could have kept on running.
Everybody's gotta stop running sometime, don't they? You're quite right.
Quite right.
A man can't run from his past forever.
Hm? - What do you make of that? - I don't know.
He's not as easily pegged as I thought.
- What now? - We stick to our plan.
I'll join you as soon as Higgins is asleep.
- You try that stuff on? - Yeah.
- You'll be all right.
- Mm-hm.
- Did you hear from T.
C.
? - No.
I can't figure it out.
- He flew over this afternoon.
- I saw him.
So I know he's on the island.
He hung up on me twice this morning.
Didn't answer any of my messages.
Doesn't make sense.
Yes, it does.
- How much do you owe him? - It's not that.
Something's gotta be distracting him, that's all.
There.
Here we are.
Say, have you had anything to eat? Like, maybe dinner? Well, I am tempted but I'm working on a 16-hour jet lag.
Oh.
Dinner time in the islands means it must be tea time in London.
How about tea and crumpets? - Where will you find crumpets in Honolulu? - You leave that to me.
I'll find them.
T.
C.
, you are funny.
Perhaps tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, for sure.
My car, please.
No! Ever notice when you want someone to do what they usually do, they don't? Any other night, Higgins would be in bed by now but tonight, when I needed him sound asleep, he was wide awake listening to African music.
At least that part of my plan was working.
- Magnum, I hope I didn't wake you? - No.
I couldn't sleep.
You like that stuff? It's not stuff.
- Where did you get this tape, anyway? - Dr.
Ibold.
He said as long as I caught the fever, I might as well have the music to go along with it.
- Doctors have a peculiar sense of humor.
- Doctors and undertakers.
Yes, I didn't want to mention that, given your potential condition.
Our potential condition.
- Feeling better? - A little.
I guess I ate too much.
What did you say this was? Masai fertility dance? This particular section is part of their rites of passage.
A puberty ceremony, so to speak.
It's not very pleasant to watch.
I suppose it's no more primitive than our prep-school hazing.
When were you in Africa? I was in North Africa during the war, attached to Alexander's command.
Fought against Rommel.
I remember once, outside El Alamein I meant when did you see the Masai rites? When I was stationed in Kenya in '53.
of the Mau Mau uprising, wasn't it? Yes.
- Scotch? - No, this is fine.
What was it like? It was bloody.
The Mau Mau came from the Kikuyu tribe.
And the Kikuyu could be a savage people.
But then, so could we.
Take away our bowlers and school ties, remove us from our cities where others kill our meat, from our books and films, where we vicariously live out our baser emotions, set us down in the African bush where every living thing is killing or being killed, and we can be as savage as any tribe on the face of the earth.
You know what I mean? Yes, I've been there.
Africa? Vietnam.
Thomas, do you read me? Five by five.
Higgins is still awake.
Tough.
I need you up here now.
We got a visitor - the south beach and he's heading this way.
- Is Clutterbuck in position? - Yes, he's upstairs on the balcony.
- Thomas, I don't like this.
- I'm on my way, Rick.
Rick.
- He's coming towards the guest house.
- Are you sure? Magnum? What the bloody hell is going on? Don't you ever knock? Come back here! You'll contaminate the estate! Rick.
Rick! Of all the imbecilic ideas - African Hemorrhagic Fever! - I don't know, it fooled you.
- Fooled me! - Ow! Watch it! - I'm sorry, Rick.
- You can blame that on Magnum.
- He was only trying to protect you.
- Protect me? - That's it! I'll fix my own busted head.
See what your interfering can do? Did it ever occur to you that three wars and 37 years in Her Majesty's Service might instruct me to protect myself? If you'd known a Mau Mau was hunting you, would you have battened yourself in - or gone to the concert? - Gone to the concert.
That's not the point.
That is precisely the point.
You may be a tough old Brit but when it comes to protecting yourself, - you're as stubborn as an Irish mule.
- He means a Welsh donkey.
Whatever! If I hadn't gotten Doc to quarantine you, that Mau Mau would've had you hanging from a tree by now.
I am not a Mau Mau.
Oh.
She speaks.
I suppose you didn't clip Rick with whatever the hell this is.
It's a rungu.
I haven't seen one in 30 years.
The Kikuyu make them from the baobab tree.
Fired and polished they're as hard as steel and just as deadly.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- I didn't hit you with the rungu.
- The Mau Mau did.
- Then why were you carrying these? One.
I was only carrying one.
We know what you did with the other one.
- May I explain? - This ought to be bloody good.
My name is Bibi Kiamani and I am a member of the Kenyan CID.
Never heard of it.
It's the Criminal Investigation Department.
It exists.
- That part of what she's saying is true.
- Thank you.
After three ex-British soldiers who served in the same regiment in Kenya were murdered recently by methods reminiscent of the Mau Mau, Scotland Yard informed our government and I was sent to London to assist in the investigation.
You are that damned tart that tried to pick me up the same night that Mau Mau came after me! Well, which is it, Miss Kiamani, CID or tart? Mr.
Clutterbuck and your friend here obviously share one quality - they are both stubborn.
He refused Scotland Yard's protection.
No bodyguard, no protective custody So they sent a bloody wog to spend the night with me.
They did not send me.
Your penchant for African women is well-documented.
So I decided, on my own, that it was the best way to stay close to you, to catch whoever was murdering the Brits.
We have no desire to see any reviving of the Mau Maus.
They are of the past.
And if the British cannot stop him, then I must.
You said the murder victims were all ex-soldiers who had served in Kenya? - Yes.
- Privates Buckminster, Taylor, Lance Corporal Crawford, Sergeant Major.
Biribi.
What's Biribi, Higgins? A village in Kenya.
At least it was.
Higgins? - You're Sergeant Major Higgins.
- I suppose you didn't know that.
No, I did not.
I followed Clutterbuck here and assumed he was a guest of Robin Masters.
What happened at Biribi? Um if you'll excuse me.
- Hold on.
Wait! - I'm not feeling well.
Let him go, Magnum.
Let him go.
What did Private Clutterbuck tell you? That you'd served together in the same unit in Kenya and one by one, members of your old unit were being killed by a Mau Mau.
He showed us clippings from the London Times.
He told the truth, as far as he went.
The ex-soldiers being killed all took part in the Biribi massacre.
Higgins? We had been in the bush a week when Privates Holmesby and O'Rourke were ambushed whilst scouting a wadi.
We found them at sunset, mutilated.
But that word cannot possibly describe what had been done to their bodies.
There was a full moon so we were able to stay on the Mau Mau's track.
Around midnight we found them.
There was a brief skirmish and two of them were killed.
But I was slashed by a panga in the thigh and couldn't go on.
I ordered the lads to press on.
When I caught up with them the next morning, they had tracked the Mau Mau to Biribi and leveled the village.
A number of innocent Africans were killed, including some women and children.
But it was my responsibility.
I should never have allowed the lads to go on without me.
Sergeant Major Higgins reported the massacre, assumed full responsibility and recommended a court-martial for everyone involved, including himself.
Naturally, he was absolved.
Unfortunately, the others were simply reprimanded and moved out of the country.
The army did them no favor by not court-martialing them.
- Yes? - Jonathan? Oh, I'm so relieved to hear your voice.
Dr.
Ibold said you'd call and when you didn't I tried calling you up but some strange man keeps answering.
He said you were indisposed and not to call back.
Oh, Jonathan, I was so worried I had to drive over.
Agatha, calm down, I'm quite all right.
I won't believe it until I see your shining face for myself.
Let her see your shining face.
Yes, all right, but only for a moment.
A moment 'tis enough.
As Percy would say, "Best and brightest come away "Fairer far than this fair day.
" Yes, quite.
Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Of course.
They were decent lads, you know.
Young.
Clutterbuck couldn't have been more than 18.
They were brutalized, they'd seen their mates killed.
It was just too bloody much for them.
It would have been far better if they had been court-martialed and punished.
It would have given them a chance to pay their debt.
As it is they just had to live with it.
How'd you know Higgins was in the guest house? I did not know Higgins even lived here.
- I told you, I followed Clutterbuck.
- But I saw you yards from the guest house.
- Higgins turned the light on and you ran.
- It wasn't me.
Thomas if she's telling the truth, that Mau Mau is still here.
Maybe he's always been here.
Watch her.
I don't understand, Jonathan.
Dr.
Ibold told me you'd taken a spill, sprained your ankle.
- That was Magnum's idea.
- That sordid man in the guest house? - The one who's always causing trouble? - Yes.
Edwin, don't.
It's over.
The islands have a way of easing pain, of helping one forget the past, which is probably why I'm here.
But I had the feeling that no matter how warm the sand or how blue the sky, part of me would never forget Private Edwin Clutterbuck.
I don't recall who said "war is hell" but he was only half right.
It isn't just war that's hell, it's living with the memories of what you did in it.
I say, Magnum, this is most difficult.
Not really, kid.
It does take excellent peripheral vision, intense concentration and quick reflexes to score really well.
I'm sure I'll do better with a little practice.
So far I've only reached 24,000.
How many points have you scored? Hey, Thomas! Thomas! - I need to talk to you.
- Have you seen this? Fascinating.
I ain't got time for games.
I need your help.
- Really? My help? - Yeah.
T.
C.
, for two days I've left messages at every haunt you're known to frequent.
So don't tell me you didn't know that I was looking for you.
Hey, man I'm sorry, but I got hung up with this lady.
You know - involved.
- I can see that.
- So you'll help me, right? Her name is Bibi Kiamani.
She works for Lords And Ladies magazine.
- Wait a minute.
What's her name? - Kiamani.
- Bibi Kiamani.
Ain't that pretty? - It's beautiful.
Oh.
She wasn't at her hotel.
So you gotta help me find her.
Gee, I don't know, T.
C.
I got a couple of heavy investigations, which is why I was calling you.
I'll do what I can but my money-paying customers come first.
Money-paying customers?! All those IOUs you owe me? Er Well, OK, you know.
Hey, I'll rip 'em up.
All $875.
67 worth.
You keep it exact to the penny? - It's a deal? - Good morning! Wait.
Hey, how can I not help a pal? It's a deal.
T.
C.
! Is that you?
- There are two ways of approaching this.
- Your way or my way.
The adult way or the child's way.
Tomorrow, for sure.
That Mau Mau will strike tonight.
Tomorrow night at the latest.
- Magnum! - Don't you ever knock? - 'Allo, ducks! - Good Lord! Where'd you learn your trade, girl, watching old Ronald Colman movies? Sorry, it usually works on men your age.
Especially when there's a full moon.
"So we'll go no more a-roving "So late into the night "Though the heart be still as loving "And the moon be still as bright.
"For the sword outwears its sheath "And the soul wears out the beasts "And the heart must pause to breathe "And love itself have rest.
" "And though the night was made for loving "And the day returns too soon "Yet we'll go no more a-roving "By the light of the moon.
" If you ladies will excuse me, I'll ask our accompanist to play something more appropriate to Lord Byron.
Jonathan! I thought your reading was breathtaking, simply breathtaking.
I'm glad it was good.
Thank you.
It wasn't just good.
It was splendid.
We must discuss Elizabeth's poetry.
- Elizabeth's? - Barrett Browning! - Oh, of course.
- Splendid.
Then I'll return this e'en.
Say, around seven? Tonight? Perhaps tomorrow.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must put a stop to that infernal chanting.
On the morrow! Living alone has terrific advantages.
You can eat, sleep, go in and out and burp whenever you want.
It also has one terrific disadvantage - when you lose something, there's no one to blame but yourself.
Magnum! Magnum! Higgins! Don't come in! - You came in! - What in God's name are you doing? I told you not to come in.
Remember that.
I tried to stop you.
Stop me? Stop me? As caretaker of Robin Masters' estate, I have a perfect right to enter day or night! You'll wish you didn't.
I also have a right to demand that you stop blasting Masai fertility chants Is that what they are? while I am reciting We'll Go No More A-Roving.
We'll Go No More A-Roving? A lesser known poem of Lord Byron's.
I was holding a recitation for the Honolulu Society For The Preservation Of English Poetry.
Oh, my God! - What's wrong? - London blitzed didn't look this bad.
- How can you live in such filth? - It's not filthy.
It's just a little messy.
As Robin Masters What's that? - Doc lbold.
- Dr.
Ibold? What's he doing here? Probably nailing up the quarantine sign.
That ought to do it.
- Oh, no! - It's not my fault.
I told him to stay out but he wouldn't listen, he used his key.
- Quarantine? - Damn it! I was afraid this would happen.
You've never had African Hemorrhagic Fever? - Of course not! - It happens to the best of families.
Right? Right.
I caught it in '63 in Nigeria.
During my stint in the Peace Corps.
And you caught it? Magnum, how could you? - Gee, I guess I wanted to get sick.
- You don't look sick.
- I don't feel sick.
- He may not be sick.
We'll know when the incubation period is over.
How did you manage to expose yourself to something as obscure as African Hemorrhagic Fever? I followed Mrs.
Davis aboard the Katanga during my investigation.
That sordid divorce case! I knew something like this would happen.
One of the sailors got it yesterday.
The entire ship's been quarantined.
And everyone who was in contact with him, including Thomas.
And now, I'm afraid, you too.
- How long? - Seven days.
You mean for the next week I'm going to have to live in this - squalor with - I found it! him.
Island Hoppers, your magic carpet in paradise.
Hi, T.
C.
It's T.
M.
Are you there, T.
C.
? Your phone is ringing.
It's just Thomas asking me to fly him somewhere for gas money.
Island Hoppers.
Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you.
Beep.
What if that were someone wanting to hire your magic carpet? - Uh isn't that why you're here? - Yes.
Well I've only got one magic carpet.
Er, Miss? Kiamani.
Bibi Kiamani.
Now, then.
The first order of business is to clean up this this pigsty.
Then I'll assign sleeping quarters, work up a fitness program and determine kitchen duties.
I hope your larder is amply stocked.
While you're in there would you get me a beer? Fortunately, it's the start of the month and the main house has food more suitable to my palate.
I'll ask Dr.
Ibold to transfer Magnum.
- Sorry, want a bite? - No, I don't want a bite.
It won't work, you know.
- What won't? - I won't let you get to me.
Oh.
I'm not trying to get to you.
I'm stuck with you because you barged in here! - I explained all that.
- Which in my book makes you the guest.
The unwanted guest.
So, if there are any rules to be made, I will make them.
And the first one is live and let live.
Magnum.
- Live and let live can only lead to anarchy.
- So be it! We have to find a more sensible way of surviving this.
No, we don't! Yes, we do.
I see two ways of approaching this.
Your way or my way.
The adult way or the child's way.
And I suppose I'm the child? - Who's ahead? - He is.
No, I meant the ballgame.
Hi, Thomas.
How's it going? That's far enough.
He's not going to be in quarantine with us? - Not if I can help it.
- Thank God.
- Hey, did you get it? - Yeah, catch.
Where's the batteries? Hey, thanks, Rick.
This is great! You're welcome.
If you need me I'll be in the main house.
- What? - Someone has to take care of the dogs.
- The lads will stay here with me.
- No, they won't! Yes, they will! You don't want to expose them to the fever? Canines are not susceptible to African Hemorrhagic Fever! - Are they? - Yes, they are.
Well, now that that's settled, I'll talk to you guys later.
Thanks, Rick, Doc.
A touchdown for the Raiders with a 93-yard fumble recoveryl - No lads for a week.
- Cheer up, Higgins.
We all have our little crosses to bear.
shabby quality demonstration that has taken place today on this gridiron.
This is an embarrassment to the entire league.
You know what I like about you? What? You got class.
You haven't said one word about my attire.
But why should I? I assume that you dined out last night.
- In a tux? - Well, it was Saturday night.
What's that London magazine you work for? - Lords And Ladies.
- Never heard of it.
You can only subscribe to Lords And Ladies if you're in the registry.
- Registry? - Burke's Peerage.
You know, lords and ladies.
Dukes and duchesses.
Oh, that registry.
- Where are you from? - Kenya.
That's where I was born.
My parents immigrated to England when I was three months old.
Wasn't the African emigration from Kenya frozen in the mid-'50s after the uprising? Yes, that's true.
But I'm a bit older than that, thank you.
I was born in '48.
- '48, '58, '68 - How long to Robin Masters' estate? We've been flying over it for ten minutes.
That's the main complex up ahead.
How close can we get? Er as close as you'd like.
I'm sort of a close personal friend of Robin Masters, you know.
This is intolerable! I'm going to insist the FAA send a man out to ground him the moment he lands.
Tell them to have T.
C.
Call me.
He always hangs up.
Must be something wrong with his phone.
Higgins.
I found the package marked "lads".
There must be a mistake - this is top sirloin.
- It's no mistake.
- Rick! Char it on the outside and send it down with a bottle of red.
Are you kidding? I'm gonna eat it myself.
Only kidding, guys.
- Don't you dare.
- OK, OK.
Chop the steak into two-inch cubes and sprinkle on parsley and garlic.
The lads prefer it that way.
- Tough.
- What? Erm, that was Zeus, he said, "Ruff.
" It didn't sound like Zeus.
More like Apollo.
Oh, my God! Forget it, Higgins.
He's heading for the hangar.
So am I.
Good night.
It's not even seven yet.
I don't feel so good.
Small wonder.
You've had two hot dogs, three beers, a bag of pretzels, Lord knows how many Fig Newtons and a couple Magnum.
You don't suppose it's the fever? No.
Like you said, all that food and no exercise.
- Perhaps I should call Dr.
Ibold? - Don't bother, he'll be by tomorrow.
Couple of Seltzers, I'll be fine.
Night, Higgins.
Good night, Magnum.
At last.
Silence.
Thomas.
Psst! Thomas.
- Thomas.
- Shh! Just a second.
- Aren't you afraid of catching the fever? - I'm just terrified.
- Where's Edwin? - Right here, old chap.
Any sign of him? No.
- But that bloody wog's on the island.
- Shh! Mr.
Clutterbuck, I don't know what actually happened in Kenya in '53 I've told you.
If you don't believe me, ask the sergeant major.
I can't.
Higgins might get suspicious and realize this quarantine thing's a ruse.
- If there is a Mau Mau out there - There is.
he'd be an easy target.
Instead of watching that concert on TV, he'd be attending it, regardless of the risk.
The old sergeant major.
Always was as stubborn as a Welsh donkey.
We can't keep Higgins quarantined forever.
We don't have to.
That Mau Mau will strike tonight, tomorrow night at the latest.
How can you be sure? Buckminster, Taylor, Crawford were all murdered a month apart on a full moon.
Tried to get me last month, on a full moon.
What does a full moon have to do with it? Who can figure a bloody wog? - Dogs locked up? - In the wine cellar.
Those Dobermans.
They could give us a warning.
The Mau Mau would torture a man's animals, behead them, as a sign, isn't that right? Not just animals.
The dogs stay in the wine cellar.
Oh.
Très gallant.
Look, I haven't liked you since I found you at the front gate looking for Higgins.
Your story smells like low tide at the docks.
I'm going along with you cos I got no choice.
I just stopped in Hawaii to warn a chum, that's all.
I could have kept on running.
Everybody's gotta stop running sometime, don't they? You're quite right.
Quite right.
A man can't run from his past forever.
Hm? - What do you make of that? - I don't know.
He's not as easily pegged as I thought.
- What now? - We stick to our plan.
I'll join you as soon as Higgins is asleep.
- You try that stuff on? - Yeah.
- You'll be all right.
- Mm-hm.
- Did you hear from T.
C.
? - No.
I can't figure it out.
- He flew over this afternoon.
- I saw him.
So I know he's on the island.
He hung up on me twice this morning.
Didn't answer any of my messages.
Doesn't make sense.
Yes, it does.
- How much do you owe him? - It's not that.
Something's gotta be distracting him, that's all.
There.
Here we are.
Say, have you had anything to eat? Like, maybe dinner? Well, I am tempted but I'm working on a 16-hour jet lag.
Oh.
Dinner time in the islands means it must be tea time in London.
How about tea and crumpets? - Where will you find crumpets in Honolulu? - You leave that to me.
I'll find them.
T.
C.
, you are funny.
Perhaps tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, for sure.
My car, please.
No! Ever notice when you want someone to do what they usually do, they don't? Any other night, Higgins would be in bed by now but tonight, when I needed him sound asleep, he was wide awake listening to African music.
At least that part of my plan was working.
- Magnum, I hope I didn't wake you? - No.
I couldn't sleep.
You like that stuff? It's not stuff.
- Where did you get this tape, anyway? - Dr.
Ibold.
He said as long as I caught the fever, I might as well have the music to go along with it.
- Doctors have a peculiar sense of humor.
- Doctors and undertakers.
Yes, I didn't want to mention that, given your potential condition.
Our potential condition.
- Feeling better? - A little.
I guess I ate too much.
What did you say this was? Masai fertility dance? This particular section is part of their rites of passage.
A puberty ceremony, so to speak.
It's not very pleasant to watch.
I suppose it's no more primitive than our prep-school hazing.
When were you in Africa? I was in North Africa during the war, attached to Alexander's command.
Fought against Rommel.
I remember once, outside El Alamein I meant when did you see the Masai rites? When I was stationed in Kenya in '53.
of the Mau Mau uprising, wasn't it? Yes.
- Scotch? - No, this is fine.
What was it like? It was bloody.
The Mau Mau came from the Kikuyu tribe.
And the Kikuyu could be a savage people.
But then, so could we.
Take away our bowlers and school ties, remove us from our cities where others kill our meat, from our books and films, where we vicariously live out our baser emotions, set us down in the African bush where every living thing is killing or being killed, and we can be as savage as any tribe on the face of the earth.
You know what I mean? Yes, I've been there.
Africa? Vietnam.
Thomas, do you read me? Five by five.
Higgins is still awake.
Tough.
I need you up here now.
We got a visitor - the south beach and he's heading this way.
- Is Clutterbuck in position? - Yes, he's upstairs on the balcony.
- Thomas, I don't like this.
- I'm on my way, Rick.
Rick.
- He's coming towards the guest house.
- Are you sure? Magnum? What the bloody hell is going on? Don't you ever knock? Come back here! You'll contaminate the estate! Rick.
Rick! Of all the imbecilic ideas - African Hemorrhagic Fever! - I don't know, it fooled you.
- Fooled me! - Ow! Watch it! - I'm sorry, Rick.
- You can blame that on Magnum.
- He was only trying to protect you.
- Protect me? - That's it! I'll fix my own busted head.
See what your interfering can do? Did it ever occur to you that three wars and 37 years in Her Majesty's Service might instruct me to protect myself? If you'd known a Mau Mau was hunting you, would you have battened yourself in - or gone to the concert? - Gone to the concert.
That's not the point.
That is precisely the point.
You may be a tough old Brit but when it comes to protecting yourself, - you're as stubborn as an Irish mule.
- He means a Welsh donkey.
Whatever! If I hadn't gotten Doc to quarantine you, that Mau Mau would've had you hanging from a tree by now.
I am not a Mau Mau.
Oh.
She speaks.
I suppose you didn't clip Rick with whatever the hell this is.
It's a rungu.
I haven't seen one in 30 years.
The Kikuyu make them from the baobab tree.
Fired and polished they're as hard as steel and just as deadly.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- I didn't hit you with the rungu.
- The Mau Mau did.
- Then why were you carrying these? One.
I was only carrying one.
We know what you did with the other one.
- May I explain? - This ought to be bloody good.
My name is Bibi Kiamani and I am a member of the Kenyan CID.
Never heard of it.
It's the Criminal Investigation Department.
It exists.
- That part of what she's saying is true.
- Thank you.
After three ex-British soldiers who served in the same regiment in Kenya were murdered recently by methods reminiscent of the Mau Mau, Scotland Yard informed our government and I was sent to London to assist in the investigation.
You are that damned tart that tried to pick me up the same night that Mau Mau came after me! Well, which is it, Miss Kiamani, CID or tart? Mr.
Clutterbuck and your friend here obviously share one quality - they are both stubborn.
He refused Scotland Yard's protection.
No bodyguard, no protective custody So they sent a bloody wog to spend the night with me.
They did not send me.
Your penchant for African women is well-documented.
So I decided, on my own, that it was the best way to stay close to you, to catch whoever was murdering the Brits.
We have no desire to see any reviving of the Mau Maus.
They are of the past.
And if the British cannot stop him, then I must.
You said the murder victims were all ex-soldiers who had served in Kenya? - Yes.
- Privates Buckminster, Taylor, Lance Corporal Crawford, Sergeant Major.
Biribi.
What's Biribi, Higgins? A village in Kenya.
At least it was.
Higgins? - You're Sergeant Major Higgins.
- I suppose you didn't know that.
No, I did not.
I followed Clutterbuck here and assumed he was a guest of Robin Masters.
What happened at Biribi? Um if you'll excuse me.
- Hold on.
Wait! - I'm not feeling well.
Let him go, Magnum.
Let him go.
What did Private Clutterbuck tell you? That you'd served together in the same unit in Kenya and one by one, members of your old unit were being killed by a Mau Mau.
He showed us clippings from the London Times.
He told the truth, as far as he went.
The ex-soldiers being killed all took part in the Biribi massacre.
Higgins? We had been in the bush a week when Privates Holmesby and O'Rourke were ambushed whilst scouting a wadi.
We found them at sunset, mutilated.
But that word cannot possibly describe what had been done to their bodies.
There was a full moon so we were able to stay on the Mau Mau's track.
Around midnight we found them.
There was a brief skirmish and two of them were killed.
But I was slashed by a panga in the thigh and couldn't go on.
I ordered the lads to press on.
When I caught up with them the next morning, they had tracked the Mau Mau to Biribi and leveled the village.
A number of innocent Africans were killed, including some women and children.
But it was my responsibility.
I should never have allowed the lads to go on without me.
Sergeant Major Higgins reported the massacre, assumed full responsibility and recommended a court-martial for everyone involved, including himself.
Naturally, he was absolved.
Unfortunately, the others were simply reprimanded and moved out of the country.
The army did them no favor by not court-martialing them.
- Yes? - Jonathan? Oh, I'm so relieved to hear your voice.
Dr.
Ibold said you'd call and when you didn't I tried calling you up but some strange man keeps answering.
He said you were indisposed and not to call back.
Oh, Jonathan, I was so worried I had to drive over.
Agatha, calm down, I'm quite all right.
I won't believe it until I see your shining face for myself.
Let her see your shining face.
Yes, all right, but only for a moment.
A moment 'tis enough.
As Percy would say, "Best and brightest come away "Fairer far than this fair day.
" Yes, quite.
Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Of course.
They were decent lads, you know.
Young.
Clutterbuck couldn't have been more than 18.
They were brutalized, they'd seen their mates killed.
It was just too bloody much for them.
It would have been far better if they had been court-martialed and punished.
It would have given them a chance to pay their debt.
As it is they just had to live with it.
How'd you know Higgins was in the guest house? I did not know Higgins even lived here.
- I told you, I followed Clutterbuck.
- But I saw you yards from the guest house.
- Higgins turned the light on and you ran.
- It wasn't me.
Thomas if she's telling the truth, that Mau Mau is still here.
Maybe he's always been here.
Watch her.
I don't understand, Jonathan.
Dr.
Ibold told me you'd taken a spill, sprained your ankle.
- That was Magnum's idea.
- That sordid man in the guest house? - The one who's always causing trouble? - Yes.
Edwin, don't.
It's over.
The islands have a way of easing pain, of helping one forget the past, which is probably why I'm here.
But I had the feeling that no matter how warm the sand or how blue the sky, part of me would never forget Private Edwin Clutterbuck.
I don't recall who said "war is hell" but he was only half right.
It isn't just war that's hell, it's living with the memories of what you did in it.
I say, Magnum, this is most difficult.
Not really, kid.
It does take excellent peripheral vision, intense concentration and quick reflexes to score really well.
I'm sure I'll do better with a little practice.
So far I've only reached 24,000.
How many points have you scored? Hey, Thomas! Thomas! - I need to talk to you.
- Have you seen this? Fascinating.
I ain't got time for games.
I need your help.
- Really? My help? - Yeah.
T.
C.
, for two days I've left messages at every haunt you're known to frequent.
So don't tell me you didn't know that I was looking for you.
Hey, man I'm sorry, but I got hung up with this lady.
You know - involved.
- I can see that.
- So you'll help me, right? Her name is Bibi Kiamani.
She works for Lords And Ladies magazine.
- Wait a minute.
What's her name? - Kiamani.
- Bibi Kiamani.
Ain't that pretty? - It's beautiful.
Oh.
She wasn't at her hotel.
So you gotta help me find her.
Gee, I don't know, T.
C.
I got a couple of heavy investigations, which is why I was calling you.
I'll do what I can but my money-paying customers come first.
Money-paying customers?! All those IOUs you owe me? Er Well, OK, you know.
Hey, I'll rip 'em up.
All $875.
67 worth.
You keep it exact to the penny? - It's a deal? - Good morning! Wait.
Hey, how can I not help a pal? It's a deal.
T.
C.
! Is that you?