Mount Pleasant (2011) s03e06 Episode Script

My dad just called.
Gerry's been shot.
An old rival of mine's got his eye on us apparently.
You need to hide it.
I'd be happy with the stuff where you have to wear a T-shirt and a nice baseball cap.
I feel really stupid.
Maybe you should just tell him? Come clean? I just can't seem to find the right moment.
Come on, Dan, one for the road.
I got out of the lift and I came home.
I promise, that's what's happened.
Please don't leave.
How could you be so stupid? Whoa! What are you doing here? What time did you get back? Eh? What? I don't know.
About 12? Lisa came round for a few drinks.
I came round for a few drinks.
Had too much, didn't you, Lisa? Had to stay the night.
I had too much.
Had to stay the night.
Puking her guts up she was.
OK Denise.
I think he gets it.
Right, well seeing as you've admitted to being on the sauce, then you can't phone in sick today.
Not that I'm your boss or anything.
You're manager too.
In fact you could phone in sick whenever you want.
Just not today.
Cos we've got lots on today.
I best get dressed.
Thanks for that, love.
Lisa.
Lisa Lisa! I can't get the top off these sodding Where's Lisa? Left early.
Gone to the office.
Oh, right.
Can you open this? I can't figure it out.
Fish oil tablets.
Very good for the joints.
I take 'em every day now.
Repeat on you like chronic, but it's worth it.
Cheers, kid.
Do you want one? I'm fine ta.
Keep you regular these.
I'm fine.
I still can't believe it.
And I can't believe you were the one that left.
If it had been me, I'd have kicked him out.
I know.
I realised that when I was halfway down the street.
But I'd left my keys behind.
Can't really ring the doorbell after a dramatic walkout, can you? Thanks for letting me stay.
Oh Were you two talking about me? Yes, Fergus.
You're all we ever talk about.
Right.
Well I'm heading to the office.
You going to be long? Only we are meant to be sending those applications off today? No rush.
What are you going to do? It's only a couple of signatures, I'll pop down to the office later.
I meant about Dan.
Oh, I'm sorry I'm not thinking straight.
I don't know.
Yeah, no problem at all - see you about one.
All right, fella, you too.
I thought you were only going for a couple of nights? I am.
So why have you packed all this stuff? You're coming with me.
Oh, I get it.
You don't want to leave me cos you don't trust me.
This isn't about trust.
This is about getting you away from here for a day or two.
It's in all our best interest to calm things down.
You're coming with me.
Get a move on.
We're going in 20 minutes.
What's going on? Ask your dad.
Gary, my iPod's broken, can I borrow yours? I can't jog without music.
I don't really think you'll like my type of music.
Don't be silly! I'm very modern, me, you know that.
Thank you.
The language! Told you.
Got a good beat though Oh, hello.
Sorry.
Gary, Ella's here.
How's Mum and Dad? Going away for a few days.
They're leaving you on your own? She's old enough, Bianca.
Even so You're to come round ours and have dinner tonight.
Oh, actually I was going to Good.
Then that's settled.
See ya.
"Hi this is Lisa Johnson MD.
I'm currently unavailable "but if you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
" It's me.
I I just want to talk Here, Dan - smell this.
I think it's turned.
Oh! Can I ask, who was she? It doesn't matter.
Well whoever she was, I've got your back.
I don't like violence, Lisa, but I'm not afraid to use it when I have to.
Once, in infants, Sarah Preston stuck a worm down my top.
So I hit her with my lunchbox.
And now she's boss-eyed.
Though I think she was a bit boss-eyed to start with.
Answer-phone message.
"It's me.
I "I just want to talk" "Here, Dan - smell this" You OK? Water's still running.
You're not OK, are you? I wish this was over.
It's my fault.
Don't be stupid.
Well, isn't it? I mean, if you'd never met me? If I'd never met you I'd have found some other way to mess things up.
And you're the one part I don't want over.
Shower.
Now.
It's him.
Gerry? Are you all right? How's? No, just me.
When? Right - I'll see you then.
So Ships going down, all the lifeboats gone - this one woman shouts, "If I'm going to die, "I want a man to make me feel like a woman one last time!" So this fella jumps up, whips off his shirt and says, "There you go love, iron this!" When did this happen? What you on about? It's not a bloody true story.
It's a joke.
Oh.
Jesus I don't know why you had to come with me in the first place, I'm only picking Barry's keys up.
You know I don't like being home on me own.
Don't like being there with me half the time.
What were that? A polo.
A polo? You haven't eaten beef for 30 years cos of mad cow disease, yet you'll eat a polo that's been stuffed down the side of a car seat for God knows how long? Can't get mad cow disease off a polo.
Thank God.
I don't like it.
He shouldn't even be out of hospital.
Something must have happened.
Like what? Like maybe the police didn't buy the whole innocent bystander routine.
You think he's done a deal? I don't know.
But he's out, he wants to meet.
Whatever's going on it isn't safe.
If it's not the police watching him then it's somebody else.
It'll be fine.
That Lisa? Bloody hell! TERRY! Ohhhh! For f I've got whiplash.
I'm sure it's not whiplash.
I think she's lost a tooth! It's a polo.
You OK? I think I've gone into shock.
She has got a bit of a vacant look to her.
No, she's always got that.
What were you playing at? Didn't you see me pulling out? I were distracted.
I thought I saw a sparrowhawk.
A sparrowhawk? You got off lightly, least you can still drive yours.
Not with a broken tail-light I can't! I've already got points on my licence.
All right? What you all doing out here? All right, Terry? Now then, Baz.
Have you come for the keys? Keys? He's just smashed up my van.
Oh, dear.
Thought I saw a sparrowhawk.
Did yer? Where? I think we should all get inside.
Come on.
I'll make you a nice drink.
Ohhhh, it's a bit early for that.
Maybe a sherry.
Don't worry, Dan, they'll be here.
What? They didn't give you a time? Said as soon as there's a tow-truck free they'll come.
Well, you make sure they sort mine before they cart yours off.
I can't hang around, I'm meant to be at a job.
Not a problem, you get yourself away, son.
Leave it with me.
I do feel partly responsible.
Do you?! Oh, dear, I'm going to be late myself now.
Roger and I are taking your dad down that posh cake shop to look at ones for the wedding Don't worry.
I know they're on a budget.
We're going to take discreet pictures of the one we like, I know someone who can do an exact replica for next to nothing.
Bye You couldn't drop me off at the office on the way could you? Course I can.
I thought you'd just come from the office? Yeah.
Well, I got halfway there and I realised I'd forgotten this.
Take a Break magazine? Yeah, I am making a mood board for investors.
Oooh The business world does sound fun, doesn't it? Come on, then.
I hope you feel better soon! Lisa.
Bianca, could you just? I'll bring the car over.
I'll try not to hit anything.
Do you not think we should? Do you really think we should do this now? Yes! I haven't slept, I can't even think - we need to talk, you have to let me try Everything all right? Fine Dad.
I'm just going.
How you going to get to your job? I'll call a taxi.
Perhaps Bianca could give you a lift too? I said I'll call a taxi.
Cooks, painting and photography.
Special offer all day on children's portraits.
Just round the corner from Boots.
Hiyah, Den.
How's it going? Good, yeah.
Listen, hate to ask but, I was supposed to be outside the Arndale later this afternoon as a Panda.
Only this party's come up.
I couldn't beg you to take my place, could I? I wouldn't know anybody there.
No, not at the party.
I mean at the Arndale.
Take my place outside the Arndale.
Oh.
As a Panda? Maybe just stay as a tiger.
Or be a Panda.
Listen, you'd be doing me a massive favour.
I'll give you all my take.
I could do with the money, but the thing is Thank you so much, Denise, you a absolute star! You all right? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
What's up? "Can you pick Josh up from my Mum's at four?" I thought you were only doing a half a day? "I was but Something's come up.
" Oh, yeah.
What? Drinks reception.
For some of the models at the agency.
A networking thing.
Advertisers and producers and that going.
Things are really moving for you, aren't they? You're going to be dropping me soon for some professional footballer or something.
Don't be soft.
Anyway I've got to go.
It's important if I want to be taken seriously.
Ooh! What was that? Nothing.
Anyway, I'll see you later, Fergus.
Bye.
Wonder if it's nesting round here? What? The sparrowhawk.
They're very rare.
Oh, yeah, probably.
Right - that's me gone.
Doubt it'll cost much.
Reckon if me and Dan go halves we shouldn't have to involve insurance.
I thought it were your fault? Barry If two cars are damaged then obviously two people are to blame.
And weren't you meant to get him to do the lights whilst he was here? Oh, yeah.
Tell you what, no points on my licence.
I'll follow on down the garage.
You stay here, keep an eye on our Margaret.
No, no, no, no Listen.
Listen.
You're all right, I'll drive down - you stay here.
I won't hear of it, Barry.
None of this is your fault, I don't want to put you out.
I don't mind.
You're a good man, Barry.
Tell her I'll be as quick as I can.
That you, Terry? He's gone to the garage.
Oh, Barry, I feel ever so dizzy.
Well, to be fair, it is half ten and you've already had four sherries.
No, it's not that.
It was the crash.
I think it's done me some proper damage.
When I move me neck, it doesn't make a clicking noise.
Well that's good, isn't it? Not really.
It always used to.
You're going to have to come and rub it.
It's stiff as a board.
I'll get another sherry.
I don't need another sherry.
It's not for you.
What was that? What was what? How's the hangover? The what? Oh, em Much better, thank you.
Those are our agreement forms, needs both our signatures before we send them to Companies House.
I have already signed.
Do I have to read them? Nah, I've read them.
All fine.
Long as you trust us you can just scribble on the end and we're done.
Maybe I'll just have a quick skim.
Jesus Christ, Greg, word of advice - if you're worried you're surrounded by an undercover SWAT team, try not staring them all out.
And I should be taking survival tips from someone who's just left hospital with a bullet in them, should I? This is nothing.
Brought it? Was I supposed to? Where is it? It's safe.
Don't worry.
That's not what I asked you.
I've got another buyer lined up.
Can you get it? Course.
Good.
Well, then get it.
It's got to go there tonight, seven o'clock.
I'll text you the address.
Tonight? That's not a problem, is it, Greg? You can get it there by tonight? Yeah, I can get it.
Ohhhh I can see what your Sue meant when she used to talk about those fingers of yours.
You what? Hello? "This is an automated call to help you save money on your current "energy services.
Emergency? What sort of emergency? "Press one" Really? No, don't worry - I'll be right over.
An old mate of mine's taken a turn, that were his wife.
Rushed him to hospital they have.
I'm going to have to get over.
Was it a stroke? I think so.
Ischemic or hemorrhagic? Barry? So how comes this woman's doing us the cake so cheap? You've got Roger to thank for that.
She's in my congregation.
Also she helps run an Am-Dram society.
Had to agree to let them rehearse in the church every afternoon.
Doing Cats this year, which is appropriate, considering that's exactly what they sound like.
You're an absolute star.
It was Rocky Horror last year.
Trust me, you've never seen the true personification of evil until you've seen Mrs Weatherspoon in suspenders and a basque.
Dan? Lisa? I'll come back later! No.
Don't leave me.
I don't know.
Way he said it though, doesn't sound like the kind of people you want to let down.
Barry? What you doing? All right, Dan? I was playing the Sudoku.
But I messed it up.
So now I'm giving Boris Johnson black teeth.
I meant what are you doing here? Our Terry cleared off, took your van to garage left me with Margaret.
Ohhh I am very sorry.
I don't like this country when Sue's not in it.
I know you don't.
You don't suit being apart you two, do you? No.
We don't.
Something wrong? Me and Lisa.
It's not good, Baz.
You done summit? Something serious? No, no I don't want to know.
Can you fix it? I want to try.
That's not what I asked.
When she were a little kid - she always said that one day she was going to marry Simon Le Bon.
And when him and his mates were on Top Of The Pops, she'd get this look in her eye all sparkly like.
I never liked him.
Too much make-up for a fella.
That's why I was happy when she met you.
I thought, "All right, he's a bit of a soft bugger this one, "but at least he's not Simon Le Bon.
" Do you remember first time she brought you home? Like it was yesterday.
You had me singing Ace Of Base.
Know when I knew you two were going to make it? That same night, she introduced you - "Mum, Dad "This is Dan.
" She got this look in her eye.
It was a look I'd never seen before.
Not when she were a kid at Christmas.
Not when she were watching Duran Duran.
Not ever.
It was a new one.
It were just for you.
So you can fix it.
If someone looks at you like that, just once, you can always fix it.
Thanks, Baz.
Well .
.
I suppose I best get back to her.
Are you sure it were Ace of Base? Positive.
"You Passed", "New Home", "You're an Auntie".
They give people cakes for anything these days.
Back in our day you had to earn a cake, am I right, Roger? What do you mean back in our day? Just how old do you think I am? Ooh, are these samples? Absolutely, fresh made today - help yourself.
Oh, now we're talking! This is the one! I don't think so.
What you on about? It's perfect.
Looks just like the Gibson Les Paul I used to grind.
Exactly.
YOU used to grind.
What about Pauline? Oh, I still grind her.
I was thinking something a bit more like this Ta Da! Sophisticated and classy.
Just like Pauline.
You sure you're not thinking of someone else? Pauline's the one with spiky blonde hair that I live with? Was throwing a Hobnob at me when you picked us up? She's sophisticated and classy.
You both are.
This is your cake.
Roger! You can almost theme an entire wedding round a cake like this.
We could have silver and white balloons at the reception, with matching napkins.
Banners.
The band could wear white tuxes with silver ties.
It'll be soooo glamorous.
Again, you have met Pauline, right? yes, I have.
She's a very beautiful woman.
And she deserves a proper special day.
She does.
Yes.
Put that one in his place, haven't you?! I'm getting married myself soon, could do with a planner like you.
Have you got a card or anything? Oh, I'm not a proper wedding planner.
I'm just a mate.
Really? You should be one, you're a natural.
Shall I check the price? Please.
Roger, Charlie Good as new.
Sort of.
All right, Badger? Now then, Charlie.
I've got to go, Barry.
I am doing dinner for our Gary and Ella.
I'll see you later.
Right.
See you then.
All right, Barry? Now then, Baz, where've you been? She OK? She'll be fine.
This one drugged her.
I did not drug her! She asked for a drink so I gave her one.
How was I supposed to know she'd been through half a bottle already? Told me she'd been in a motorway pile up.
That's nowt that.
Next time she tells the story it'll be like a scene from Bullit.
See the van, Baz? Record time, half the price.
Contacts see? Dan'll be made up.
Which one was Bullit? One with the car chase? Clint Eastwood.
Steve McQueen.
No, that was a motorbike.
You'll be wanting to get off and pick yours up now then? Nah, garage'll ring when it's ready.
Love a brew though? Hey, me too.
Got any tinnies? You all right, Dan? "Not really mate, no.
" Everything's a mess Lisa knows.
Shit.
I'm sorry.
Look, do you think you could meet us for a drink? I could really do with a chat.
Not today.
I'm sorry.
Oh, come on, Greg.
Mate, I've got to go.
I'll call you later, yeah? What? I've already signed these.
I had to print out another copy.
You put the signature in the date box and the date in the signature box.
The wrong date.
Is it not the sixth? No.
Close, it's the 23rd.
Also, it's not February.
That's the date box again.
Everything's got to be fucking perfect with you, hasn't it?! I'll print another.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
It's the hangover.
Fergus .
.
can I ask you a personal question? I don't know.
Maybe.
What? Why do men cheat? Why did you cheat? Did Denise tell you to ask me that? Don't be stupid.
Well, why would you want to know? Oh shit.
Are you sure? What make's you think He told me.
Look, I reckon men's brains and women's brains are different.
Probably look the same but men's have got this extra bit.
This little wire that runs from their head To their cock.
I was going to say libido.
Cock.
Cock then.
It's not an excuse, just a fact.
Few years ago my wire started twitching, and all I could do was ignore it or plug it in.
This analogy's not really doing me any favours, is it? Look, I cheated on Jane because I didn't love her any more.
But that's also why I didn't tell her.
Because I didn't care, so it didn't matter.
Why get into a row when you don't give a shit? Dan told you.
So you're saying because he told me he was shagging about he loves me? Yeah.
Look, let's do these tomorrow.
Have an early finish this afternoon, eh? What do you think? What are you doing? We've got a dinner guest.
Figured I'd make it special.
I know how much you like her.
I thought we'd get a takeaway and sit in front of the telly.
She's going to think we're mental.
But I wanted to make it all nice.
Gary, I'm sorry.
Oh, dear.
Hiya.
Hi.
Oh, my God! Yeah, sorry, we usually just This looks amazing! Most you could expect from my mum would be a Chinese in front of the telly.
Wow, Bianca.
Well, we like to make the effort when we've got people round, you know? Denise? Need the loo.
Two secs.
I know about Lisa.
She told me.
It got me thinking about us.
Back when we Back when all I ever did was lie to you.
You must have hated me.
Did you? I didn't hate you, Fergus.
I did.
Truth is All those times I told you I was leaving her I really did want to.
I really did.
I think I knew that I wanted to be with you.
But I was a coward.
And a tosser.
Why you telling me this now? I don't know.
I guess it's what happened with Lisa and Dan.
I mean, come on Lisa and Dan?! If it can happen to them It's always the lies that do it in the end, isn't it? Me and you, we mustn't ever lie to each other.
Not ever again.
So I want you to know that all the times I've been getting on your back about the modelling maybe not everything I said was true.
I made out like I was worried that you'd fail that you'd be disappointed.
Truth is .
.
I was worried that you'd succeed.
That you'd make such a success of your life that you'd see what I loser I was.
You're not a loser.
No, I am.
But it's OK.
Because I'm not going to feel like that any more.
You have made a success of it and I am proud.
I am nothing but proud.
And this time, that's definitely the truth.
Are you going to be much longer though? Because I am busting for a piss myself.
You've had 24 hours to prepare this, Dan.
It better be good.
Good is the last thing this is going to be.
I just wanted to say There you are.
About time.
Here Keep the change.
What change? Right.
Who was Tex-Mex? Who do you think? I was the double cheese stuffed crust.
With pineapples, cos I'm watching my figure.
Mine's 18 inches But enough about me, where's my pizza? Eh? Charlie? You hear what I said? - Yeah.
Good one that.
What the hell is going on?! All right, love? All right, Dan? Why didn't you get Dan and Lisa any? They weren't here.
We live here! Feeling better are we? I am.
I slept it off.
Yeah, best thing for whiplash.
Seen the van, Dan? I did.
Yes.
Where's yours? Still at the garage.
And yet you're here? Thought it best to wait here till they rang like.
And you thought you'd have a party whilst you're at it? Hardly call this a party.
Oh, I am sorry, Mum.
Let us know the next time you all pile in here unannounced.
I'll sort a mobile disco for you.
How long you planning on waiting, Terry? Do you not think the garage will have shut by now? Maybe your phones not on, Terry.
Barry, do you really think I'm so stupid I wouldn't even Oh you're right.
Look, 12 missed calls.
Here, I reckon some of them might have been the garage.
EVERYBODY GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! All right.
Keep your hair on.
Blimey.
She's a fiery one when she wants, eh, Baz? Yeah, come on, I'll take you home in the van.
You better get in the back - be safer for you, if there's another accident.
What if someone rams us up the rear? Tell 'em what you always tell me when I try it.
Did you hear that, Charlie? I said, "Tell 'em what you tell me when I try it.
" Yeah, good that one.
I think we'll chance it on foot.
Do you ever get the impression, Charlie, that we're the only two sane people left on the planet? I've suspected it for some time.
Me and you against the world, eh? God help the world.
That was gorgeous.
Yeah, it really was, Bianca.
Thanks.
Oh, it was nothing.
I like to make a fuss every now and again.
Did I tell you what the girl at the cake shop said to me today? Asked me if I was a professional wedding planner.
Big daft-o.
Is that something you'd like to do? Why? Do you think I should? I don't know.
If you like it, I suppose.
Well, I have enjoyed doing Pauline and Charlie's.
But no, I couldn't Could I? No.
I'm no good at organising things, too scatty.
It's a very silly idea, Gary.
I don't know why you brought it up.
I don't think it's a silly idea.
I mean, you've clearly got a knack for this sort of thing.
Oh, you! Well, you know where to come when you plan your big day then, don't you? Here, I'll help.
Leave it.
I said leave it! Don't you touch me! I want to know everything, Dan.
You already do.
Not how you felt.
How I felt? Inside, Dan.
How you felt.
When you But there is no "When you" - nothing happened, Lisa.
I SWEAR, nothing happened.
You got in the lift.
I got in the lift Which means you wanted something to happen.
I walked away.
Not her.
Me.
Do you think that matters? Do you think I care who said no to who? Do you think I'm thanking God you gallantly decided at the last minute not to fuck our neighbour?! None of that matters.
What happens now? I don't know.
So that's it then? You say you're sorry and all's forgiven? It doesn't work like that, Dan.
Stags and Hens tonight.
I know.
I know you know.
I wish you'd all trust me.
I've got something in store for me Dad that'll literally blow his mind.
You made me look an idiot.
I'm sorry.
So, Alex is a Boy? Yes.
I can't tell you how sor You think I care how sorry you are? It was a mistake.
Yeah.
It was.