Rake (2010) s03e06 Episode Script
Season 3, Episode 6
Fred.
Cleaver.
Haven't seen you and the other guys around Marcel's recently.
Well, we're all out of that now.
I wonder about the wisdom of coming out on the Footy Show.
And where's Fuzz? He and Tara are going to the Congo to build hospitals and schools and sing happy hymns.
How long is it since you've actually had sex? An eternity.
Those are genuine bad trades and I am all over them.
I'm being set up.
She was my wife first! You are never to see her again.
You understand me? So do you understand? Yeah, course I understand.
It's your big special day.
Yet another one of your big special days.
Cleaver.
Three times lucky.
No, it's alright, Doc.
I wasn't expecting to be invited.
I know Roger's got issues with me.
You threw me against a wall and tried to kiss me.
I threw you against the wall and did kiss you.
And I believe you may have kissed me back.
If you care about me, even a little bit, please don't make this any harder than it already is.
How can it be hard? You've finally found someone you can rely on who's making silly money massaging young men's groins and administering unguents.
Well, it's hard because we're not going to be seeing each other anymore like we have.
I need you to grasp that.
There's not going to be any more lunches.
There's not going to be any more impromptu therapy sessions.
No more dropping in.
Are you going to let me out on the streets without a therapist? Don't flatter yourself.
This town's such a basket case, no-one will notice.
You know, if you break down the word 'therapist', you get 'the rapist'.
Have you thought about that for a minute, Doc? The rapist? One little non-hyphenated space is all it takes to go from a healer to a villain.
Do you think that's what happened to me along the way somewhere? I acquired a non-hyphenated space and you fell through it? I climbed through it.
Yes.
So I will do absolutely nothing in my power.
I will leave every stone unturned to ensure that you have the wedding of your dreams.
Thank you.
You'll be alright, won't you? Yes.
I'll be good.
OK.
Can I still come and pick up Fuzz with you at the airport? Is that alright? Of course.
Good.
Yep, I've gotta run.
I've got a client.
OK.
What's he saying? OK.
Yep.
Yep.
Thanks, Magnus.
The cancer's in remission.
If it continues, it'll be gone in two months.
It's just a real tragedy, Janice.
But let's stick with the facts.
Now, three children under the age of ten, wards of the State, found in these just disgraceful conditions.
Now, you and I go back, Janice, politically speaking, and I know there's no department more impossible and underfunded than Community Services.
But there is simply no excuse for this.
And if you are not sacked by midnight tonight, the Premier will be hearing from my family, the people of this State.
Now, we have nothing further to talk about.
Get out of my studio! You disgust me! Back in a moment, and I'll be taking your calls.
Cleaver! Kirsty.
Hi.
Do you mind if we join you? G'day, Cleave.
Col, you're out.
Well spotted, mate.
Fuck.
What's going on? What's this about, old debts? No, no, no, not yet.
No, no, this is about our partnership.
What, you and Col? No, you and me.
Guess who owns Jesus No, close.
Me.
Although, I wouldn't mind Jesus in the kitchen, what with all those loaves and fishes, Col? You bought the other shares? Yeah.
Why would you buy the other shares in this restaurant? Tax problem.
I've now got this really good accountant.
Look, I've become a respectable member of this community now, Cleaver, and I've got a number of legitimate businesses.
This just happens to be one of them.
Right, so buy me out.
I told you I would get my money from you one way or the other.
Right.
Like I said, I've got this really good accountant and we rounded up what you owe me to 300 grand.
It's what you owed me during the trial, plus a little tiny bit of interest.
Check it out.
Yeah.
Have a look.
Page three.
Alright, so my shares have also been designated F Class.
Why? That's oppression of a minority.
No, not according to my formerly oppressed Bosnian accountant.
Anyway, we've gotta get going.
We're having dinner somewhere where the food is edible.
Word is that the duck here is very fuckin' dry.
Take it easy, Cleave.
Ooh, I'll be in touch, partner.
Why has everybody got it in for the duck? Now, who said good old-fashioned romance was dead? Someone very wise, I'm sure.
I don't recall inviting you over, Cleaver.
Well, hence the element of surprise, you see? I've caught you off guard.
And now your mind is reeling with romantic possibilities.
Come on, don't You like roses? All girls like roses.
Even girls who say, 'I don't like roses' like roses.
Are you drunk? Drunk with romantic possibilities.
Now, are you going to let me in here? No.
I'll sing.
Don't.
I will sing.
Cleaver No, no, no.
No.
Seriously.
Cleaver! No.
You can come in.
Just Enough.
No.
You can come in.
Shh, enough! This is a nice nice little utilitarian place.
I don't need much more.
I only have one arse and two hands.
Better than the other way around.
Now, have you got a vase, or is that a little bourgeois? I have a vase.
One vase.
Very good.
Careful, I don't want you to prick yourself.
Ooh, do I detect a note of concern there? No, I'm haemophobic.
I can't stand the sight of blood.
Whoa, fuck! What?! How's it look? It's Yeah, it's great.
You'd you'd never know.
Ms Finnane? Yes.
I'm Constable Marsh, this is Constable Park.
The hospital's informed us of your injury and we're following up.
Following up what? It's just a routine inquiry about the nature of the injury.
It's part of our domestic violence early intervention policy.
No, no, no, no, no.
She fell over, OK? She's haemophobic.
We're not even domesticated.
Who are you, sir? I will gladly tell you who I am.
I am a senior criminal barrister.
You're an SC? No.
Then you're not a senior criminal barrister, are you? What's your name? Cleaver Greene.
Um, sorry? Cleaver Greene.
Cleaver Greene.
Yeah, we know who you are.
You went to jail for conspiracy to murder.
Yes.
Yeah.
Exonerated by the Court of Appeal, thank you.
No, you weren't exonerated.
The conviction was quashed.
Ms Finnane, is the injury you sustained the result of violence, domestic or otherwise? Are you kidding me? No, I am haemophobic.
Thank you! He pricked his finger on a rose thorn.
I fainted.
Thank you.
She fainted, OK? So are you happy now? Mr Greene, would you just leave us for a moment so we can have a word with Ms Finnane? I've told you, I'm a lawyer, OK? Yeah.
You can't deprive her of legal representation.
Will you stop this? Ms Finnane isn't under suspicion.
We just want to have a word with her without you present.
I'm under suspicion now? Well, you're a person of interest.
I know.
I'm fascinating.
This injury is consistent with a punch to the face.
Now, Ms Finnane required stitches and you, sir, have blood on your right hand.
Yes, I bought her roses, OK? They were thorny.
Would you excuse us for a moment, please? For the love of God! Thank you very much, by the way.
And a man just tries a little bit of old-fashioned friggin' romance.
I guess that's a jailable offence for you now, is it? 'Mr Greene, we find you guilty of attempted woo.
Accordingly the punishment will be severe.
' Fuck me sideways.
He likes a chat, doesn't he? - Horny, how are you, mate? - Am I going to jail? Listen, I've told you, mate.
It's going to be a long process, alright? You can't guarantee that I'm not going to jail, right? Can't promise me that? No, I-I can't promise you that.
Nobody can promise you that.
They're perfect, mate.
They make them look like fair dinkum trades.
But I didn't do them.
I know.
Of course they look perfect, though.
This is Bligh Phillips.
I got no chance, do I? Listen, Horny, like we keep saying, mate, at this point, we just keep our heads down and we let the forensic accountants do their bit.
It's 120 million bucks, mate! Horny, you really have to get some sleep.
That's what you need to do.
How fuckin' long am I gonna get? Is Paulie with you? Is is he is he there, mate? Is he there? Fuck.
OK, we can go.
Right.
All good.
Does it look all good, Cleaver? Yeah.
I'll, get us a cab.
You'll get me a cab.
Like I said, I'll get you a cab.
Cal! Congratulations on the ratings.
Mr Premier.
Is this some kind of fucking joke? What's she doing here? Surely we can straighten this out.
We're all old friends here, aren't we? I told you to sack her by midnight.
We never had any such conversation.
You heard me.
The whole State heard me.
But is she gone, Stevie? Curiously not.
She seems to be sitting at my dining table.
Maybe she's Banquo's ghost.
Or maybe I'm in a coma and hallucinating.
I mean, right now, I'd rather be in a coma because I was looking forward to having a chat to old friends and telling my old friends what a complete fucking mess you're making of this State! I don't have to listen to this.
Yes, you do, Stevie.
You know you do.
We have a very healthy majority, Cal.
Well, let's see how that's tracking after my show tomorrow.
Janice.
You're fired.
And here I was thinking all those years that the government had the power.
What a fuckin' waste of time that was.
Hey if you're in doubt, Janice, harbour's that way.
Righto.
Tikki's casino.
Now, let's stop dicking around, shall we? She wants it.
Bligh Phillips wants it.
And I want it.
Thank you all for coming.
Um, I had intended to make one simple statement here today.
Um I'm gay.
Cheers, Jeti.
Yeah, it's taken me a lot of time and a lot of help from a lot of good friends to make this statement publicly.
I want to be who I am, and I want to stop the gossip.
Craig! Craig! Guys, guys, guys! Please, sorry! Guys, I haven't finished.
Coming out as a gay man is not the only truth that I have to tell you today.
For the last two years, I've been taking banned substances in order to improve my strength and my fitness.
I'm not alone, and the Bros are not the only club where this sort of stuff's going on.
I will not name names, but I would urge my fellow players and club officials throughout the code to come forward and help clean up this sport that we love so much.
Thank you.
I won't be taking any questions.
OK, what'd he tell you? Roger! I got you this gig.
I know.
Four sessions with you and the club captain turns out to be a gay drug addict.
Yeah, OK, it was ten sessions, he was already gay and he's not a drug addict.
This is the club's fault.
Why are you angry with me? Because the game is damaged.
The club.
The brand.
So it should be.
You don't condone this, do you? No, sweetheart, of course not.
Of course I don't.
But I just wish that you'd got him to come to us first.
Yeah, but how could I? I didn't know about the drugs until now.
OK.
Rog, what is the matter? Well, the thing is, I What? What is the thing? I-I I want a church wedding.
Hi, Rog.
God, Roger's so commanding behind the wheel, isn't he? I don't know if I wanna do this today.
Nonsense.
I want to do it, Sylvia's waiting and we've got a booking at Buon Ricordo at 1:30.
You know, there was a bit of me that wasn't completely repelled by the idea of dying.
Some nights, I'd lie in bed and I'd imagine my funeral.
There'd be a lot of people, don't you reckon? Cleave? Mate, the place'd be chockers.
I mean, not not Lady Di, but you know, there'd be video screens for the overflow.
I'd miss everyone.
But the idea of rest, you know? I do love a big sleep.
Mate, I can't remember the last time I slept.
I think it was about June 2009.
I'm like some sort of perpetual motion device.
Physics says we're all supposed to be slowing down.
I reckon I'm just speeding up.
I had goodbye sex with Missy the other night.
And there's some shit going on with Felicity.
I've got no idea what that is.
But everything still feels like it's ahead of me, you know what I mean? Anything else you want to dump? Well, yes, as a matter of fact.
Kirsty's back.
And she's the other shareholder in the restaurant.
Jesus! Yeah.
So that's good.
And my shares have been redesignated F Class, which means I don't earn an effing cent until she gets 300 effing grand out of everything I effing earn.
Maybe you should get an effing lawyer.
I can't afford one of those lawyers! No individual human being could afford one of those lawyers.
You've got to be incorporated in Lichtenstein to be able to afford one of those lawyers.
I got an erection.
Now? The other day.
Hoo-hoo! -ho! Indeed.
Your news tops my news.
Yeah, it was the wrong sort, though.
I don't think I've ever had one of those, mate.
How can there how can there be a wrong sort of stiffy? I was thinking about Nicole.
It would have been so much easier if it was Scarlet, but it was Nicole.
And even when I tried to think of Scarlet, she became Nicole.
Mate, Scarlet has stuck by me all the way through this.
She's just been brilliant.
Come on, mate.
Cut yourself a bit of slack.
You're very hard on yourself, Barnyard.
Can you guys give me a sec? Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
I was just, um, I was just calling to let you know that Barney's cancer's in remission.
Thank God.
That's great news.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? So I guess that things can finally go back to normal.
Right.
But not for you though, Mr Superhero? Those poll numbers are stratospheric.
Everyone will have forgotten in a month or two.
Maybe not.
If only I could save a child a week before the election.
So things with Barney are good? Yeah.
Yeah, they're good.
I'm really happy for you.
Thanks.
Look, I've gotta run.
We'll speak soon, yeah? Yeah.
Thanks, dear.
What do you think? You look so beautiful, my darling.
Feel a bit silly in white.
Course you do.
It's the colour of lies.
Remember the dress I wore when I married Cleave? I do.
Most inappropriate.
I looked good, though.
It's not often you see a sexy wedding dress.
And yet he managed to find one.
Do you think this is sexy? It's sexy enough.
Look, darling, this time you are marrying someone with dignity.
Roger will take your marriage seriously.
He's a sensitive, caring, loving man, and I couldn't be happier for you.
Um That's my phone.
Hey, Craig.
What's the problem? Yes.
Um, I used to know a lawyer.
I don't think I should be punished for doing something the club told me to do.
They had the doctors injecting me with this shit.
I didn't even know what half of it fuckin' was.
You're looking at suspension, Craig.
Maybe even a lifetime ban.
That's bullshit.
I did the right thing.
See, that right there is what this is all about.
I mean, is the code going to punish you for being honest? 'Cause that'd be a disgrace.
That would be an outrage and I will make it so.
I wasn't the only guy, right? No, there are other blokes much more into that shit than I was.
But I'm not going to be a whistleblower.
No-one's asking you to be a whistleblower.
No, good.
Of course, it might help if you were a little bit of a whistleblower.
No, I said I'm not going to blow the whistle.
No, I know, but they might cut us a deal, do you know what I mean? So if you cough up some names, then you're back on the paddock in three months.
I'm not dobbing in my mates.
You don't dob in your mates.
Alright, no other players.
What about doctors? Officials? They're not your mates.
Some of 'em are.
Not if they've been injecting you with this shit, they're not.
Craig, if they've been importing it and selling it, they're committing serious crimes.
You think I don't know that? You worried they might try something? Look, you know, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, guys.
Alright? I just want to start again.
Fuckin' clean slate Craig, Craig It's OK, mate.
Mate, if you're worried, we should go to the cops.
No cops.
No cops, please.
Fuck.
If I go to the cops What? What'll happen? They don't have to know you've been to the cops.
There's ways of doing it No, they'll know, alright? They'll know I'm here now.
I gotta go.
I gotta go, guys.
They'll know he's here now? Cleaver, what the fuck? I was perfectly happy reading.
Yes.
Have you not heard of making amends? Now, I have been to Jimmy Fong's.
I remember you saying it was your special favourite.
What's that under your arm? That is for after dinner.
Jesus.
No, perfectly innocent, I assure you.
It's not that you don't take no for an answer, it's that you can't take it, can you? The damage the word 'no' does to your ego.
You get the soup? I got the soup.
So you should know there's a very good chance I'm being tailed right now.
You? Yeah.
Why? New client.
Craig Goodham.
The footy guy? Yes.
Apparently, there's some pretty heavy guys who are happy to put a lid on things.
Backgammon.
This is beautiful.
But you know me.
I count my life as nought when it comes to the pursuit of justice.
You count your life as nought when it comes to the pursuit of a celebrity client with a fat bank account.
Two sides of the same coin, Flick.
Call me Flick again and you'll count your life as nought.
Hot.
Hot.
Hot! Hot! Hot, hot, hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aarggh! Aarggh! OK, Ms Finnane, help us to help you.
We specialise in this.
We know what's going on.
Chinese food and backgammon is what was meant to be going on.
Please, Mr Greene.
Ms Finnane, you may love him I beg your pardon! .
.
or you may be afraid of him.
But whatever you're feeling, it doesn't justify a life of physical abuse.
He's given you a black eye, two broken fingers and a fractured wrist.
Just tell us what happened.
We'll take him in and you'll be safe.
You could have an AVO out on him tonight.
Are you kidding me? Is there such a thing as an Apprehended Fuck Up order? 'Cause I could really use one of those.
Well, what's it to us if he represents Craig? What's it to us? Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Wend, I'm a Bro.
But you work at other clubs too.
You've got guys at every club.
Yes.
First and foremost, I'm a Bro.
So if Craig makes any allegations whatsoever, I'm going to be called.
Called before the Commission, and cross-examined by your ex-husband.
Shit.
This is our future here.
Why the hell did you have to drag Cleaver into it? I thought I thought he'd be suitable.
You know, he loves footy.
He's got an encyclopaedic knowledge of drugs.
It'll be all about stopping our wedding.
Rog, he's not like that.
Are you expecting anyone? It's probably a sheriff with a subpoena.
Roger, drop it! Believe me, there was no master plan to scald myself and break Felicity's fingers.
Look? See, burns.
They could be burns.
Or? You could be knocking Felicity around.
For God's Look, the fact of the matter is, I am trying to win this woman's heart.
OK, now, it's not working, but that's what I'm trying to do.
And I can tell by the look in your eyes, all four of them, that you don't believe a word I say, and that's your prerogative.
But I Doc.
Yeah, no, just out and about.
Really? I thought he was back on Thursday.
Great.
Great, great, great, great.
Yeah, no, I'll be there soon.
OK, here's the deal.
My son is just back from his missionary work in the Congo, 'cause that's the way we roll in my family.
And unless you people are going to formally charge me with anything, I'm going to go and see him now.
Well, this is a pretty quick turnaround.
Roger doesn't mind? What's up? Is Fuzz OK? Roger.
All good? Prue.
Wonderful as always.
Hey, mate.
Hello, mate.
How are you? Freedom seems to be agreeing with you.
Yes.
No, I'm I All all all's well.
Dad, this is Patience.
Patience, how do you do? I'm very well, thank you, Mr Greene.
Have you ever flown Joburg to Sydney? No, mate.
Can't say that I have.
Well, no prizes for guessing it's a long fucker.
Anyway, the plane is so new that they haven't had time to fit the TVs, so no movies, no nothing.
Outrage.
Dismay.
Gnashing of teeth.
Sixteen hours, just spent staring at the back of some fucker's head, watching dandruff flake and follicles grow.
This head was huge.
It was a huge head and a massive body, a kind of David Lynch head.
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, the dandruff was like a fucking snowstorm! He must have been pro basketball because he was just huge and endless and his head kept flipping over the back of the seat.
God knows where his legs ended up.
His feet must have ended up in the cockpit.
Yeah.
Right.
And, um And, so, Patience, you're Patience is the wife of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
The Foreign Minister.
And so so you met up there in the Congo and now you're friends? Yeah.
We're in love.
And you're in love.
And they're in love, Doc.
Yep, they're in love.
Yowser, yowser, yowser.
Mate, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Mate, I'm sure there is.
I'm just wondering how the Minister himself is feeling about all this.
Well, he's not over the moon, obviously.
Um, what what happened to Tara? You know the whole church, God thing.
So many questions, wrestling with Right, she wouldn't have sex with you.
Not unless we were married, no.
Jesus.
What now? Rog! Yeah? Morning, sir.
We've got a warrant to search these premises.
What? No, there must be some mistake.
This is 25 Pearl Street, right? No, I'm I'm going to need a lawyer to have a look at this.
Well, I hope you've got one handy, sir.
That warrant allows us immediate entry.
Cleaver? Can I see you for a moment, please? Excuse me.
What's up? This is Cleaver Greene.
He's a barrister.
It's a search warrant.
So it would seem.
What have you been up to, Rog? That's not funny, Cleaver.
Halo starting to slip a little bit, is it, groin boy? Fuck.
What? This isn't in connection with you.
Finnegan Greene, Patience Mwambo, you're under arrest for the illegal importation of blood diamonds.
Dad Not another word, mate.
Your Honour, Mr Greene assures me he is not just innocent of, but bewildered by, these charges.
He is no flight risk and he is happy to surrender his passport.
I grant bail subject to the following conditions - that Mr Greene reside at 25 Pearl Street, Bronte, and that an acceptable person enter into an agreement and deposit security to forfeit, sum of $50,000.
I presume you will be seeking to meet those conditions yourself, Mr Greene? Yes, of course, Your Honour.
There's no there's no question It's just with the with the recent fall of the Australian dollar Yes, Mr Greene? Well, AU$50,000 a few months ago was worth about US$48,000.
Now it's down to about 42.
I think it behoves the court to take these currency fluctuations into account with the the prospect of a plummeting Australian dollar Can you meet the bail or not, Mr Greene? $50,000 is acceptable, thank you, Your Honour.
Now, as to Ms Patience Mwambo, and I warn you, Mr Greene, I have no interest in your views on the state of the Congolese Franc.
Why couldn't you get Patience bail as well? I tried, Fuzz.
You heard me.
Mate, I thought you were some great and powerful Oz in a court room.
Have you followed my career at all? Look, I'm sorry to say, my friend, she planted the diamonds in your case so that you'd take the fall if you got caught, alright? You're just racist, Cleave.
For the love of God.
You know I've always suspected it.
Cleave! At least you'll be able to walk your Mum down the aisle on Saturday rather than languishing in a prison cell.
So you're very fuckin' welcome, mate.
Christ on a bike! Jarvis, yeah, look, I left my laptop at home and I've got syncing issues, so I'll be about an hour.
Scarlet.
Scarlet! Can we talk about this? I don't think there's anything to talk about.
I think there's a lot to talk about.
I think there are thousands of things you and I haven't said to each other, for a long, long time.
So why break a winning streak now? For four years, we've been nothing more than ghosts to each other.
Four years? Four? Let me guess.
It's been four years since I slept with Cleaver, so it's all my fault.
I'm completely responsible for the failure of this marriage.
I wasn't See? No, there wasn't a thousand things to talk about after all.
I wasn't saying that.
I'd never say that.
Yeah, but you think it, don't you? You see everything about you and me through that one tiny prism.
And I bet when you started fucking Nicole, you thought that.
'This wouldn't be happening if Scarlet hadn't fucked Cleaver.
' No? You may be right.
I couldn't honestly say I've never thought it, but that's not what this is about, Scarlet.
This is about us making a really important decision.
I think you've already made that.
I wasn't talking about if we split.
I was talking about how we split.
You've been amazing these last six months.
But your heart's not in it anymore, is it, baby? Whoever it is .
.
you have my blessing.
Loving husbands leave loving wives and vice versa.
Why? Because of the shock of finding new and great sex again.
It's primal.
It's base.
We didn't have great sex.
No, we didn't.
It wasn't your fault.
I know.
I was living a lie when I was with you.
I was literally not myself.
It affected everything.
I know.
You've had great sex since me? With a woman? Don't you start.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
But, I mean, you know, the sort of great sex I'm talking about is really great.
Like 'bouncing off the walls' great.
I know, I know.
It's like when you think the orgasm's going to kill you, right? And you hope it does.
You hope it'll consume you and you'll cease to exist at a point of perfect ecstasy, and there's this certainty you'll flash into the heavens and become a star and create a whole new race of beings.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sort of.
So where is this flash of ecstasy? Why haven't you snared her? Well, it's not so much her, as as them.
The witness said Craig was knocked over by a black sedan.
Hit-and-run.
But she didn't see the driver, or the plate.
Jesus, is there really so much cash involved they're prepared to kill for it? It would seem that way.
What about us? What about us? Well, if they know that he saw us, they don't know that he didn't cough up some names.
We could be next.
If we are going to be hit, I hope they just shoot us.
Yeah, hit-and-run's messy.
One good round in the back of the head and it's done, you know.
No idea it's even happened.
Painless, I imagine.
Quick.
Lots of press.
I'd be above the fold.
I wouldn't be so sure, mate.
Father of four versus father of one.
Recent cancer survivor.
Pro bono work for Amnesty.
Well, maybe you'd be above the fold.
Wreck the wedding plans, but.
Whose? Wendy's? No, mine.
I'm going to ask Nicole to marry me.
Looking at engagement rings this afternoon.
What?! Scarlet and I have called it quits.
After Since when? Since this morning.
Mate.
I'm sorry.
Best thing for both of us.
Fuck.
Well well, you've got something to live for, then.
We are gonna get ourselves some police protection.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have some critical information about the Craig Goodham incident.
Now, whilst the police say they cannot confirm that this was an intentional hit-and-run, my colleague, Mr Meagher, and I absolutely can confirm that that was the case.
- Cleaver - Mr Greene Now, obviously in making this statement, Mr Meagher and I are aware that we are putting our own lives in some jeopardy, but such is the cost of justice, ladies and gentlemen.
Mr Greene No questions, thank you.
You want bodyguards? These guys are coming for us, digger.
We didn't ask you to make that statement, Cleave.
What have you got? A black car? Give me a break.
I've put Barney and me squarely in the frame.
Yeah, thanks for that, mate.
Alright, give us the names.
We don't have any names.
Jesus.
Craig refused to name names.
He was very clear about it, in fact.
So why did you make that statement? To smoke the bastards out.
Protective detail is coming in at about 80th on our list of priorities right now.
See, we have got mass murder up here coming in at number one, and way, way down here, we've got looking after your sorry arse, Cleaver.
After that press conference, if anything happens to us, mate, you are fucked.
Not quite as fucked as we will be, but fucked nonetheless.
Alright.
You get protective detail.
Thank you.
Mate, I don't know if you've noticed.
My client is not having a restorative nap.
He's actually in a coma.
This could last for weeks.
And if something does happen to you, they can put my name on the list of fuckin' suspects.
Right up the list, digger? Way, way up the list, Cleave.
Brett.
Charles.
I should be OK from here, fellas.
My executive assistant, Nicole, will tend to your every need.
What are you doing? I'm blacking out the windows.
Yeah.
Good thinking, 99.
Snipers.
It was a stupid stunt, Cleaver.
What? Another bit of cheap publicity.
It's pathetic.
What's with the attitude? You know, Barney's the father of my child, and the way that he tells it is that without any consultation, you put his life in such danger that a cash-strapped police force now has to spend a fortune protecting the pair of you.
It was their call, and it's not like it's a fortune.
I mean, you know, they didn't have to hire these guys.
They were working anyway! Hey, guys? Do you fellas get, you know, danger money for doing gigs like this? Yeah.
You do? Really? What, so good money? Good money.
You see, it's danger money, because it's dangerous.
You know, a little pity and a little patience wouldn't go astray.
Anyway, I would've thought you'd be over the moon today.
Why would I be over the moon? It's not been an easy day, Cleaver.
The wedding! What? The wedding.
Whose what wedding? Wendy's wedding? Yes, Wendy's.
Why would I be excited about that? Because it's a wedding.
And she's a lovely lady and she's terribly fond of you.
When when you married Barry Bevan.
Bevan.
I remember she called me over and she said, 'Cleave, next time you see Nicole, make sure you pass on to her my heartfelt congratulations to both her and her partner.
' Exact quote.
Is Barney going to ask me to marry him? What? Well, how would I know? I saw him this morning at the hospital, but we didn't have any small talk - not that you getting married is small because you're not, as far as I know.
So put that in your pipe, young lady.
Put what in my pipe? Don't tell him I told you, OK? I assumed Everything he said made me think that he'd already asked you, that he'd proposed and you'd said yes, OK? Apart from him saying he was going out to look for rings.
My God! My God.
Nicole! I'm fucked.
Fuck.
Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck! OK, just please, don't move.
What do you want? I just wanted to see you.
Who are they? My bodyguards.
Your bodyguards? Yeah.
Didn't you see my press conference? No.
It's everywhere.
It's viral.
It's on fire.
I've I've really laid down the gauntlet to a bunch of criminals.
Well, you haven't laid it anywhere near me, have you? I'm not even really sure what a gauntlet is, and if it's yours, it wouldn't surprise me if it was viral and it set fire to me.
Can I come in? Have you brought anything for me? No.
No, promise.
No food, no no flowers, no board games.
All I have is is my phone and my keys to my apartment, and my wallet.
Well, the phone and the key concern me a little.
I know your wallet will be empty, so that should be fine.
OK if I use the little boys room? I promise I don't have any drugs.
It will be function without form.
Walk slowly.
An 87-year-old man reported to Kogarah Police tonight confessing that he believed himself to be the driver that ran down football star Craig Goodham.
Cleaver, you might want to see this.
Actually, you're going to need to see it.
It's the guy who ran down your client.
.
.
rushed to St Vincent's hospital where his condition .
.
described as serious but stable.
Any suggestion by barrister Cleaver Greene of foul play has been refuted by New South Wales Police.
You OK? Cleaver? You OK? Yeah, fine! Fuck! She walked into a door? No, no.
She walked into a door that I was pushing.
Shhh.
The detail that you fail to grasp here, Constable, is that this is what happens to people who get too close to me, OK? Do you understand? And you and I have now spent so much quality time together that you qualify, alright? Do you understand? You should be afraid.
You should be very afraid.
Mr Greene, you're needed in intensive care.
Yep? My ex-wife is getting married this morning.
I'm not happy about it.
It's not the guy.
The guy's fine.
The guy's, you know It's just that there is a guy, and I think what I'm starting to realise is that I actually can't bear the ide of any woman I have ever loved and/or been with ever being with any man ever again.
And what kind of fucktardery is that? 'Cause you know, there's this woman, right, who's here, actually, coincidentally, and she's so sexy and smart and cynical and she's driving me wild.
But I And you know, she's got she's got a black eye, two broken fingers and a busted nose, and it's all my fault.
I mean, I didn't obviously But But it is my fault because the things I do I'm stuck.
I'm stuck.
I'm stuck.
And so I'm spending the whole fuckin' time thinking, 'I hope things go tits-up between Wendy and Rog so Wendy comes running back to me.
' Wendy.
Roger.
What's that, mate? Wendy and Roger? Yes.
Roger, Cleave.
We don't have to dwell on Roger, but it's good you're back.
It's Roger.
Hey, you look beautiful.
Thank you.
We are here to honour and proclaim before God the union of Wendy and Roger.
Our Lord Our Father, our Lord, celebrates matrimony because he celebrates love and honour.
So if there's anyone in this congregation who for any reason believes that Wendy and Roger should not be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
Cleaver.
Dad, don't.
Darlin', believe me, this is the last thing I want to do.
Then don't.
Don't do it, Cleave.
Go and piss all your anger and fear up against another wall.
I have a life with this man.
No, you don't.
Why? Roger's a drug dealer.
What?! What do you mean, Roger's a drug dealer?! The drugs, the growth hormone, the whole bullshit.
He's the guy.
This is pathetic! You just don't get a house like that from rubbing groins Right! Everybody out of here except Cleaver and Fuzz.
Go! Go! Go! Mate Go, go! I'll stay if you like, Roger.
Cleaver.
Haven't seen you and the other guys around Marcel's recently.
Well, we're all out of that now.
I wonder about the wisdom of coming out on the Footy Show.
And where's Fuzz? He and Tara are going to the Congo to build hospitals and schools and sing happy hymns.
How long is it since you've actually had sex? An eternity.
Those are genuine bad trades and I am all over them.
I'm being set up.
She was my wife first! You are never to see her again.
You understand me? So do you understand? Yeah, course I understand.
It's your big special day.
Yet another one of your big special days.
Cleaver.
Three times lucky.
No, it's alright, Doc.
I wasn't expecting to be invited.
I know Roger's got issues with me.
You threw me against a wall and tried to kiss me.
I threw you against the wall and did kiss you.
And I believe you may have kissed me back.
If you care about me, even a little bit, please don't make this any harder than it already is.
How can it be hard? You've finally found someone you can rely on who's making silly money massaging young men's groins and administering unguents.
Well, it's hard because we're not going to be seeing each other anymore like we have.
I need you to grasp that.
There's not going to be any more lunches.
There's not going to be any more impromptu therapy sessions.
No more dropping in.
Are you going to let me out on the streets without a therapist? Don't flatter yourself.
This town's such a basket case, no-one will notice.
You know, if you break down the word 'therapist', you get 'the rapist'.
Have you thought about that for a minute, Doc? The rapist? One little non-hyphenated space is all it takes to go from a healer to a villain.
Do you think that's what happened to me along the way somewhere? I acquired a non-hyphenated space and you fell through it? I climbed through it.
Yes.
So I will do absolutely nothing in my power.
I will leave every stone unturned to ensure that you have the wedding of your dreams.
Thank you.
You'll be alright, won't you? Yes.
I'll be good.
OK.
Can I still come and pick up Fuzz with you at the airport? Is that alright? Of course.
Good.
Yep, I've gotta run.
I've got a client.
OK.
What's he saying? OK.
Yep.
Yep.
Thanks, Magnus.
The cancer's in remission.
If it continues, it'll be gone in two months.
It's just a real tragedy, Janice.
But let's stick with the facts.
Now, three children under the age of ten, wards of the State, found in these just disgraceful conditions.
Now, you and I go back, Janice, politically speaking, and I know there's no department more impossible and underfunded than Community Services.
But there is simply no excuse for this.
And if you are not sacked by midnight tonight, the Premier will be hearing from my family, the people of this State.
Now, we have nothing further to talk about.
Get out of my studio! You disgust me! Back in a moment, and I'll be taking your calls.
Cleaver! Kirsty.
Hi.
Do you mind if we join you? G'day, Cleave.
Col, you're out.
Well spotted, mate.
Fuck.
What's going on? What's this about, old debts? No, no, no, not yet.
No, no, this is about our partnership.
What, you and Col? No, you and me.
Guess who owns Jesus No, close.
Me.
Although, I wouldn't mind Jesus in the kitchen, what with all those loaves and fishes, Col? You bought the other shares? Yeah.
Why would you buy the other shares in this restaurant? Tax problem.
I've now got this really good accountant.
Look, I've become a respectable member of this community now, Cleaver, and I've got a number of legitimate businesses.
This just happens to be one of them.
Right, so buy me out.
I told you I would get my money from you one way or the other.
Right.
Like I said, I've got this really good accountant and we rounded up what you owe me to 300 grand.
It's what you owed me during the trial, plus a little tiny bit of interest.
Check it out.
Yeah.
Have a look.
Page three.
Alright, so my shares have also been designated F Class.
Why? That's oppression of a minority.
No, not according to my formerly oppressed Bosnian accountant.
Anyway, we've gotta get going.
We're having dinner somewhere where the food is edible.
Word is that the duck here is very fuckin' dry.
Take it easy, Cleave.
Ooh, I'll be in touch, partner.
Why has everybody got it in for the duck? Now, who said good old-fashioned romance was dead? Someone very wise, I'm sure.
I don't recall inviting you over, Cleaver.
Well, hence the element of surprise, you see? I've caught you off guard.
And now your mind is reeling with romantic possibilities.
Come on, don't You like roses? All girls like roses.
Even girls who say, 'I don't like roses' like roses.
Are you drunk? Drunk with romantic possibilities.
Now, are you going to let me in here? No.
I'll sing.
Don't.
I will sing.
Cleaver No, no, no.
No.
Seriously.
Cleaver! No.
You can come in.
Just Enough.
No.
You can come in.
Shh, enough! This is a nice nice little utilitarian place.
I don't need much more.
I only have one arse and two hands.
Better than the other way around.
Now, have you got a vase, or is that a little bourgeois? I have a vase.
One vase.
Very good.
Careful, I don't want you to prick yourself.
Ooh, do I detect a note of concern there? No, I'm haemophobic.
I can't stand the sight of blood.
Whoa, fuck! What?! How's it look? It's Yeah, it's great.
You'd you'd never know.
Ms Finnane? Yes.
I'm Constable Marsh, this is Constable Park.
The hospital's informed us of your injury and we're following up.
Following up what? It's just a routine inquiry about the nature of the injury.
It's part of our domestic violence early intervention policy.
No, no, no, no, no.
She fell over, OK? She's haemophobic.
We're not even domesticated.
Who are you, sir? I will gladly tell you who I am.
I am a senior criminal barrister.
You're an SC? No.
Then you're not a senior criminal barrister, are you? What's your name? Cleaver Greene.
Um, sorry? Cleaver Greene.
Cleaver Greene.
Yeah, we know who you are.
You went to jail for conspiracy to murder.
Yes.
Yeah.
Exonerated by the Court of Appeal, thank you.
No, you weren't exonerated.
The conviction was quashed.
Ms Finnane, is the injury you sustained the result of violence, domestic or otherwise? Are you kidding me? No, I am haemophobic.
Thank you! He pricked his finger on a rose thorn.
I fainted.
Thank you.
She fainted, OK? So are you happy now? Mr Greene, would you just leave us for a moment so we can have a word with Ms Finnane? I've told you, I'm a lawyer, OK? Yeah.
You can't deprive her of legal representation.
Will you stop this? Ms Finnane isn't under suspicion.
We just want to have a word with her without you present.
I'm under suspicion now? Well, you're a person of interest.
I know.
I'm fascinating.
This injury is consistent with a punch to the face.
Now, Ms Finnane required stitches and you, sir, have blood on your right hand.
Yes, I bought her roses, OK? They were thorny.
Would you excuse us for a moment, please? For the love of God! Thank you very much, by the way.
And a man just tries a little bit of old-fashioned friggin' romance.
I guess that's a jailable offence for you now, is it? 'Mr Greene, we find you guilty of attempted woo.
Accordingly the punishment will be severe.
' Fuck me sideways.
He likes a chat, doesn't he? - Horny, how are you, mate? - Am I going to jail? Listen, I've told you, mate.
It's going to be a long process, alright? You can't guarantee that I'm not going to jail, right? Can't promise me that? No, I-I can't promise you that.
Nobody can promise you that.
They're perfect, mate.
They make them look like fair dinkum trades.
But I didn't do them.
I know.
Of course they look perfect, though.
This is Bligh Phillips.
I got no chance, do I? Listen, Horny, like we keep saying, mate, at this point, we just keep our heads down and we let the forensic accountants do their bit.
It's 120 million bucks, mate! Horny, you really have to get some sleep.
That's what you need to do.
How fuckin' long am I gonna get? Is Paulie with you? Is is he is he there, mate? Is he there? Fuck.
OK, we can go.
Right.
All good.
Does it look all good, Cleaver? Yeah.
I'll, get us a cab.
You'll get me a cab.
Like I said, I'll get you a cab.
Cal! Congratulations on the ratings.
Mr Premier.
Is this some kind of fucking joke? What's she doing here? Surely we can straighten this out.
We're all old friends here, aren't we? I told you to sack her by midnight.
We never had any such conversation.
You heard me.
The whole State heard me.
But is she gone, Stevie? Curiously not.
She seems to be sitting at my dining table.
Maybe she's Banquo's ghost.
Or maybe I'm in a coma and hallucinating.
I mean, right now, I'd rather be in a coma because I was looking forward to having a chat to old friends and telling my old friends what a complete fucking mess you're making of this State! I don't have to listen to this.
Yes, you do, Stevie.
You know you do.
We have a very healthy majority, Cal.
Well, let's see how that's tracking after my show tomorrow.
Janice.
You're fired.
And here I was thinking all those years that the government had the power.
What a fuckin' waste of time that was.
Hey if you're in doubt, Janice, harbour's that way.
Righto.
Tikki's casino.
Now, let's stop dicking around, shall we? She wants it.
Bligh Phillips wants it.
And I want it.
Thank you all for coming.
Um, I had intended to make one simple statement here today.
Um I'm gay.
Cheers, Jeti.
Yeah, it's taken me a lot of time and a lot of help from a lot of good friends to make this statement publicly.
I want to be who I am, and I want to stop the gossip.
Craig! Craig! Guys, guys, guys! Please, sorry! Guys, I haven't finished.
Coming out as a gay man is not the only truth that I have to tell you today.
For the last two years, I've been taking banned substances in order to improve my strength and my fitness.
I'm not alone, and the Bros are not the only club where this sort of stuff's going on.
I will not name names, but I would urge my fellow players and club officials throughout the code to come forward and help clean up this sport that we love so much.
Thank you.
I won't be taking any questions.
OK, what'd he tell you? Roger! I got you this gig.
I know.
Four sessions with you and the club captain turns out to be a gay drug addict.
Yeah, OK, it was ten sessions, he was already gay and he's not a drug addict.
This is the club's fault.
Why are you angry with me? Because the game is damaged.
The club.
The brand.
So it should be.
You don't condone this, do you? No, sweetheart, of course not.
Of course I don't.
But I just wish that you'd got him to come to us first.
Yeah, but how could I? I didn't know about the drugs until now.
OK.
Rog, what is the matter? Well, the thing is, I What? What is the thing? I-I I want a church wedding.
Hi, Rog.
God, Roger's so commanding behind the wheel, isn't he? I don't know if I wanna do this today.
Nonsense.
I want to do it, Sylvia's waiting and we've got a booking at Buon Ricordo at 1:30.
You know, there was a bit of me that wasn't completely repelled by the idea of dying.
Some nights, I'd lie in bed and I'd imagine my funeral.
There'd be a lot of people, don't you reckon? Cleave? Mate, the place'd be chockers.
I mean, not not Lady Di, but you know, there'd be video screens for the overflow.
I'd miss everyone.
But the idea of rest, you know? I do love a big sleep.
Mate, I can't remember the last time I slept.
I think it was about June 2009.
I'm like some sort of perpetual motion device.
Physics says we're all supposed to be slowing down.
I reckon I'm just speeding up.
I had goodbye sex with Missy the other night.
And there's some shit going on with Felicity.
I've got no idea what that is.
But everything still feels like it's ahead of me, you know what I mean? Anything else you want to dump? Well, yes, as a matter of fact.
Kirsty's back.
And she's the other shareholder in the restaurant.
Jesus! Yeah.
So that's good.
And my shares have been redesignated F Class, which means I don't earn an effing cent until she gets 300 effing grand out of everything I effing earn.
Maybe you should get an effing lawyer.
I can't afford one of those lawyers! No individual human being could afford one of those lawyers.
You've got to be incorporated in Lichtenstein to be able to afford one of those lawyers.
I got an erection.
Now? The other day.
Hoo-hoo! -ho! Indeed.
Your news tops my news.
Yeah, it was the wrong sort, though.
I don't think I've ever had one of those, mate.
How can there how can there be a wrong sort of stiffy? I was thinking about Nicole.
It would have been so much easier if it was Scarlet, but it was Nicole.
And even when I tried to think of Scarlet, she became Nicole.
Mate, Scarlet has stuck by me all the way through this.
She's just been brilliant.
Come on, mate.
Cut yourself a bit of slack.
You're very hard on yourself, Barnyard.
Can you guys give me a sec? Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
I was just, um, I was just calling to let you know that Barney's cancer's in remission.
Thank God.
That's great news.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? So I guess that things can finally go back to normal.
Right.
But not for you though, Mr Superhero? Those poll numbers are stratospheric.
Everyone will have forgotten in a month or two.
Maybe not.
If only I could save a child a week before the election.
So things with Barney are good? Yeah.
Yeah, they're good.
I'm really happy for you.
Thanks.
Look, I've gotta run.
We'll speak soon, yeah? Yeah.
Thanks, dear.
What do you think? You look so beautiful, my darling.
Feel a bit silly in white.
Course you do.
It's the colour of lies.
Remember the dress I wore when I married Cleave? I do.
Most inappropriate.
I looked good, though.
It's not often you see a sexy wedding dress.
And yet he managed to find one.
Do you think this is sexy? It's sexy enough.
Look, darling, this time you are marrying someone with dignity.
Roger will take your marriage seriously.
He's a sensitive, caring, loving man, and I couldn't be happier for you.
Um That's my phone.
Hey, Craig.
What's the problem? Yes.
Um, I used to know a lawyer.
I don't think I should be punished for doing something the club told me to do.
They had the doctors injecting me with this shit.
I didn't even know what half of it fuckin' was.
You're looking at suspension, Craig.
Maybe even a lifetime ban.
That's bullshit.
I did the right thing.
See, that right there is what this is all about.
I mean, is the code going to punish you for being honest? 'Cause that'd be a disgrace.
That would be an outrage and I will make it so.
I wasn't the only guy, right? No, there are other blokes much more into that shit than I was.
But I'm not going to be a whistleblower.
No-one's asking you to be a whistleblower.
No, good.
Of course, it might help if you were a little bit of a whistleblower.
No, I said I'm not going to blow the whistle.
No, I know, but they might cut us a deal, do you know what I mean? So if you cough up some names, then you're back on the paddock in three months.
I'm not dobbing in my mates.
You don't dob in your mates.
Alright, no other players.
What about doctors? Officials? They're not your mates.
Some of 'em are.
Not if they've been injecting you with this shit, they're not.
Craig, if they've been importing it and selling it, they're committing serious crimes.
You think I don't know that? You worried they might try something? Look, you know, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, guys.
Alright? I just want to start again.
Fuckin' clean slate Craig, Craig It's OK, mate.
Mate, if you're worried, we should go to the cops.
No cops.
No cops, please.
Fuck.
If I go to the cops What? What'll happen? They don't have to know you've been to the cops.
There's ways of doing it No, they'll know, alright? They'll know I'm here now.
I gotta go.
I gotta go, guys.
They'll know he's here now? Cleaver, what the fuck? I was perfectly happy reading.
Yes.
Have you not heard of making amends? Now, I have been to Jimmy Fong's.
I remember you saying it was your special favourite.
What's that under your arm? That is for after dinner.
Jesus.
No, perfectly innocent, I assure you.
It's not that you don't take no for an answer, it's that you can't take it, can you? The damage the word 'no' does to your ego.
You get the soup? I got the soup.
So you should know there's a very good chance I'm being tailed right now.
You? Yeah.
Why? New client.
Craig Goodham.
The footy guy? Yes.
Apparently, there's some pretty heavy guys who are happy to put a lid on things.
Backgammon.
This is beautiful.
But you know me.
I count my life as nought when it comes to the pursuit of justice.
You count your life as nought when it comes to the pursuit of a celebrity client with a fat bank account.
Two sides of the same coin, Flick.
Call me Flick again and you'll count your life as nought.
Hot.
Hot.
Hot! Hot! Hot, hot, hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aarggh! Aarggh! OK, Ms Finnane, help us to help you.
We specialise in this.
We know what's going on.
Chinese food and backgammon is what was meant to be going on.
Please, Mr Greene.
Ms Finnane, you may love him I beg your pardon! .
.
or you may be afraid of him.
But whatever you're feeling, it doesn't justify a life of physical abuse.
He's given you a black eye, two broken fingers and a fractured wrist.
Just tell us what happened.
We'll take him in and you'll be safe.
You could have an AVO out on him tonight.
Are you kidding me? Is there such a thing as an Apprehended Fuck Up order? 'Cause I could really use one of those.
Well, what's it to us if he represents Craig? What's it to us? Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Wend, I'm a Bro.
But you work at other clubs too.
You've got guys at every club.
Yes.
First and foremost, I'm a Bro.
So if Craig makes any allegations whatsoever, I'm going to be called.
Called before the Commission, and cross-examined by your ex-husband.
Shit.
This is our future here.
Why the hell did you have to drag Cleaver into it? I thought I thought he'd be suitable.
You know, he loves footy.
He's got an encyclopaedic knowledge of drugs.
It'll be all about stopping our wedding.
Rog, he's not like that.
Are you expecting anyone? It's probably a sheriff with a subpoena.
Roger, drop it! Believe me, there was no master plan to scald myself and break Felicity's fingers.
Look? See, burns.
They could be burns.
Or? You could be knocking Felicity around.
For God's Look, the fact of the matter is, I am trying to win this woman's heart.
OK, now, it's not working, but that's what I'm trying to do.
And I can tell by the look in your eyes, all four of them, that you don't believe a word I say, and that's your prerogative.
But I Doc.
Yeah, no, just out and about.
Really? I thought he was back on Thursday.
Great.
Great, great, great, great.
Yeah, no, I'll be there soon.
OK, here's the deal.
My son is just back from his missionary work in the Congo, 'cause that's the way we roll in my family.
And unless you people are going to formally charge me with anything, I'm going to go and see him now.
Well, this is a pretty quick turnaround.
Roger doesn't mind? What's up? Is Fuzz OK? Roger.
All good? Prue.
Wonderful as always.
Hey, mate.
Hello, mate.
How are you? Freedom seems to be agreeing with you.
Yes.
No, I'm I All all all's well.
Dad, this is Patience.
Patience, how do you do? I'm very well, thank you, Mr Greene.
Have you ever flown Joburg to Sydney? No, mate.
Can't say that I have.
Well, no prizes for guessing it's a long fucker.
Anyway, the plane is so new that they haven't had time to fit the TVs, so no movies, no nothing.
Outrage.
Dismay.
Gnashing of teeth.
Sixteen hours, just spent staring at the back of some fucker's head, watching dandruff flake and follicles grow.
This head was huge.
It was a huge head and a massive body, a kind of David Lynch head.
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, the dandruff was like a fucking snowstorm! He must have been pro basketball because he was just huge and endless and his head kept flipping over the back of the seat.
God knows where his legs ended up.
His feet must have ended up in the cockpit.
Yeah.
Right.
And, um And, so, Patience, you're Patience is the wife of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
The Foreign Minister.
And so so you met up there in the Congo and now you're friends? Yeah.
We're in love.
And you're in love.
And they're in love, Doc.
Yep, they're in love.
Yowser, yowser, yowser.
Mate, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Mate, I'm sure there is.
I'm just wondering how the Minister himself is feeling about all this.
Well, he's not over the moon, obviously.
Um, what what happened to Tara? You know the whole church, God thing.
So many questions, wrestling with Right, she wouldn't have sex with you.
Not unless we were married, no.
Jesus.
What now? Rog! Yeah? Morning, sir.
We've got a warrant to search these premises.
What? No, there must be some mistake.
This is 25 Pearl Street, right? No, I'm I'm going to need a lawyer to have a look at this.
Well, I hope you've got one handy, sir.
That warrant allows us immediate entry.
Cleaver? Can I see you for a moment, please? Excuse me.
What's up? This is Cleaver Greene.
He's a barrister.
It's a search warrant.
So it would seem.
What have you been up to, Rog? That's not funny, Cleaver.
Halo starting to slip a little bit, is it, groin boy? Fuck.
What? This isn't in connection with you.
Finnegan Greene, Patience Mwambo, you're under arrest for the illegal importation of blood diamonds.
Dad Not another word, mate.
Your Honour, Mr Greene assures me he is not just innocent of, but bewildered by, these charges.
He is no flight risk and he is happy to surrender his passport.
I grant bail subject to the following conditions - that Mr Greene reside at 25 Pearl Street, Bronte, and that an acceptable person enter into an agreement and deposit security to forfeit, sum of $50,000.
I presume you will be seeking to meet those conditions yourself, Mr Greene? Yes, of course, Your Honour.
There's no there's no question It's just with the with the recent fall of the Australian dollar Yes, Mr Greene? Well, AU$50,000 a few months ago was worth about US$48,000.
Now it's down to about 42.
I think it behoves the court to take these currency fluctuations into account with the the prospect of a plummeting Australian dollar Can you meet the bail or not, Mr Greene? $50,000 is acceptable, thank you, Your Honour.
Now, as to Ms Patience Mwambo, and I warn you, Mr Greene, I have no interest in your views on the state of the Congolese Franc.
Why couldn't you get Patience bail as well? I tried, Fuzz.
You heard me.
Mate, I thought you were some great and powerful Oz in a court room.
Have you followed my career at all? Look, I'm sorry to say, my friend, she planted the diamonds in your case so that you'd take the fall if you got caught, alright? You're just racist, Cleave.
For the love of God.
You know I've always suspected it.
Cleave! At least you'll be able to walk your Mum down the aisle on Saturday rather than languishing in a prison cell.
So you're very fuckin' welcome, mate.
Christ on a bike! Jarvis, yeah, look, I left my laptop at home and I've got syncing issues, so I'll be about an hour.
Scarlet.
Scarlet! Can we talk about this? I don't think there's anything to talk about.
I think there's a lot to talk about.
I think there are thousands of things you and I haven't said to each other, for a long, long time.
So why break a winning streak now? For four years, we've been nothing more than ghosts to each other.
Four years? Four? Let me guess.
It's been four years since I slept with Cleaver, so it's all my fault.
I'm completely responsible for the failure of this marriage.
I wasn't See? No, there wasn't a thousand things to talk about after all.
I wasn't saying that.
I'd never say that.
Yeah, but you think it, don't you? You see everything about you and me through that one tiny prism.
And I bet when you started fucking Nicole, you thought that.
'This wouldn't be happening if Scarlet hadn't fucked Cleaver.
' No? You may be right.
I couldn't honestly say I've never thought it, but that's not what this is about, Scarlet.
This is about us making a really important decision.
I think you've already made that.
I wasn't talking about if we split.
I was talking about how we split.
You've been amazing these last six months.
But your heart's not in it anymore, is it, baby? Whoever it is .
.
you have my blessing.
Loving husbands leave loving wives and vice versa.
Why? Because of the shock of finding new and great sex again.
It's primal.
It's base.
We didn't have great sex.
No, we didn't.
It wasn't your fault.
I know.
I was living a lie when I was with you.
I was literally not myself.
It affected everything.
I know.
You've had great sex since me? With a woman? Don't you start.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
But, I mean, you know, the sort of great sex I'm talking about is really great.
Like 'bouncing off the walls' great.
I know, I know.
It's like when you think the orgasm's going to kill you, right? And you hope it does.
You hope it'll consume you and you'll cease to exist at a point of perfect ecstasy, and there's this certainty you'll flash into the heavens and become a star and create a whole new race of beings.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sort of.
So where is this flash of ecstasy? Why haven't you snared her? Well, it's not so much her, as as them.
The witness said Craig was knocked over by a black sedan.
Hit-and-run.
But she didn't see the driver, or the plate.
Jesus, is there really so much cash involved they're prepared to kill for it? It would seem that way.
What about us? What about us? Well, if they know that he saw us, they don't know that he didn't cough up some names.
We could be next.
If we are going to be hit, I hope they just shoot us.
Yeah, hit-and-run's messy.
One good round in the back of the head and it's done, you know.
No idea it's even happened.
Painless, I imagine.
Quick.
Lots of press.
I'd be above the fold.
I wouldn't be so sure, mate.
Father of four versus father of one.
Recent cancer survivor.
Pro bono work for Amnesty.
Well, maybe you'd be above the fold.
Wreck the wedding plans, but.
Whose? Wendy's? No, mine.
I'm going to ask Nicole to marry me.
Looking at engagement rings this afternoon.
What?! Scarlet and I have called it quits.
After Since when? Since this morning.
Mate.
I'm sorry.
Best thing for both of us.
Fuck.
Well well, you've got something to live for, then.
We are gonna get ourselves some police protection.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have some critical information about the Craig Goodham incident.
Now, whilst the police say they cannot confirm that this was an intentional hit-and-run, my colleague, Mr Meagher, and I absolutely can confirm that that was the case.
- Cleaver - Mr Greene Now, obviously in making this statement, Mr Meagher and I are aware that we are putting our own lives in some jeopardy, but such is the cost of justice, ladies and gentlemen.
Mr Greene No questions, thank you.
You want bodyguards? These guys are coming for us, digger.
We didn't ask you to make that statement, Cleave.
What have you got? A black car? Give me a break.
I've put Barney and me squarely in the frame.
Yeah, thanks for that, mate.
Alright, give us the names.
We don't have any names.
Jesus.
Craig refused to name names.
He was very clear about it, in fact.
So why did you make that statement? To smoke the bastards out.
Protective detail is coming in at about 80th on our list of priorities right now.
See, we have got mass murder up here coming in at number one, and way, way down here, we've got looking after your sorry arse, Cleaver.
After that press conference, if anything happens to us, mate, you are fucked.
Not quite as fucked as we will be, but fucked nonetheless.
Alright.
You get protective detail.
Thank you.
Mate, I don't know if you've noticed.
My client is not having a restorative nap.
He's actually in a coma.
This could last for weeks.
And if something does happen to you, they can put my name on the list of fuckin' suspects.
Right up the list, digger? Way, way up the list, Cleave.
Brett.
Charles.
I should be OK from here, fellas.
My executive assistant, Nicole, will tend to your every need.
What are you doing? I'm blacking out the windows.
Yeah.
Good thinking, 99.
Snipers.
It was a stupid stunt, Cleaver.
What? Another bit of cheap publicity.
It's pathetic.
What's with the attitude? You know, Barney's the father of my child, and the way that he tells it is that without any consultation, you put his life in such danger that a cash-strapped police force now has to spend a fortune protecting the pair of you.
It was their call, and it's not like it's a fortune.
I mean, you know, they didn't have to hire these guys.
They were working anyway! Hey, guys? Do you fellas get, you know, danger money for doing gigs like this? Yeah.
You do? Really? What, so good money? Good money.
You see, it's danger money, because it's dangerous.
You know, a little pity and a little patience wouldn't go astray.
Anyway, I would've thought you'd be over the moon today.
Why would I be over the moon? It's not been an easy day, Cleaver.
The wedding! What? The wedding.
Whose what wedding? Wendy's wedding? Yes, Wendy's.
Why would I be excited about that? Because it's a wedding.
And she's a lovely lady and she's terribly fond of you.
When when you married Barry Bevan.
Bevan.
I remember she called me over and she said, 'Cleave, next time you see Nicole, make sure you pass on to her my heartfelt congratulations to both her and her partner.
' Exact quote.
Is Barney going to ask me to marry him? What? Well, how would I know? I saw him this morning at the hospital, but we didn't have any small talk - not that you getting married is small because you're not, as far as I know.
So put that in your pipe, young lady.
Put what in my pipe? Don't tell him I told you, OK? I assumed Everything he said made me think that he'd already asked you, that he'd proposed and you'd said yes, OK? Apart from him saying he was going out to look for rings.
My God! My God.
Nicole! I'm fucked.
Fuck.
Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck! OK, just please, don't move.
What do you want? I just wanted to see you.
Who are they? My bodyguards.
Your bodyguards? Yeah.
Didn't you see my press conference? No.
It's everywhere.
It's viral.
It's on fire.
I've I've really laid down the gauntlet to a bunch of criminals.
Well, you haven't laid it anywhere near me, have you? I'm not even really sure what a gauntlet is, and if it's yours, it wouldn't surprise me if it was viral and it set fire to me.
Can I come in? Have you brought anything for me? No.
No, promise.
No food, no no flowers, no board games.
All I have is is my phone and my keys to my apartment, and my wallet.
Well, the phone and the key concern me a little.
I know your wallet will be empty, so that should be fine.
OK if I use the little boys room? I promise I don't have any drugs.
It will be function without form.
Walk slowly.
An 87-year-old man reported to Kogarah Police tonight confessing that he believed himself to be the driver that ran down football star Craig Goodham.
Cleaver, you might want to see this.
Actually, you're going to need to see it.
It's the guy who ran down your client.
.
.
rushed to St Vincent's hospital where his condition .
.
described as serious but stable.
Any suggestion by barrister Cleaver Greene of foul play has been refuted by New South Wales Police.
You OK? Cleaver? You OK? Yeah, fine! Fuck! She walked into a door? No, no.
She walked into a door that I was pushing.
Shhh.
The detail that you fail to grasp here, Constable, is that this is what happens to people who get too close to me, OK? Do you understand? And you and I have now spent so much quality time together that you qualify, alright? Do you understand? You should be afraid.
You should be very afraid.
Mr Greene, you're needed in intensive care.
Yep? My ex-wife is getting married this morning.
I'm not happy about it.
It's not the guy.
The guy's fine.
The guy's, you know It's just that there is a guy, and I think what I'm starting to realise is that I actually can't bear the ide of any woman I have ever loved and/or been with ever being with any man ever again.
And what kind of fucktardery is that? 'Cause you know, there's this woman, right, who's here, actually, coincidentally, and she's so sexy and smart and cynical and she's driving me wild.
But I And you know, she's got she's got a black eye, two broken fingers and a busted nose, and it's all my fault.
I mean, I didn't obviously But But it is my fault because the things I do I'm stuck.
I'm stuck.
I'm stuck.
And so I'm spending the whole fuckin' time thinking, 'I hope things go tits-up between Wendy and Rog so Wendy comes running back to me.
' Wendy.
Roger.
What's that, mate? Wendy and Roger? Yes.
Roger, Cleave.
We don't have to dwell on Roger, but it's good you're back.
It's Roger.
Hey, you look beautiful.
Thank you.
We are here to honour and proclaim before God the union of Wendy and Roger.
Our Lord Our Father, our Lord, celebrates matrimony because he celebrates love and honour.
So if there's anyone in this congregation who for any reason believes that Wendy and Roger should not be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
Cleaver.
Dad, don't.
Darlin', believe me, this is the last thing I want to do.
Then don't.
Don't do it, Cleave.
Go and piss all your anger and fear up against another wall.
I have a life with this man.
No, you don't.
Why? Roger's a drug dealer.
What?! What do you mean, Roger's a drug dealer?! The drugs, the growth hormone, the whole bullshit.
He's the guy.
This is pathetic! You just don't get a house like that from rubbing groins Right! Everybody out of here except Cleaver and Fuzz.
Go! Go! Go! Mate Go, go! I'll stay if you like, Roger.