Richard Hammond's Workshop (2021) s03e06 Episode Script
Wheels and Waves
1
Hello, hello, hello.
Oh, hello.
Tell me what you want me to do.
I can't believe it.
Mindy's come in to give me a hand.
She's better than Richard.
RICHARD: Oh, my word.
That's a Lancia Delta Integrale.
That is incredible.
£36,000! That's spectacular!
Would it be nice just to?
Bit more? Bit more? Yeah.
We are in with a shout
of finishing a race. Don't jinx it.
(TYRES SCREECH, CAR CRASHES)
I think he spinned it
on the last lap. Argh!
What do we have to do
to finish a bloody race? (SIGHS)
(ENGINE FIRES UP)
Something worked!
Two years ago, I set up
a classic car restoration business
with the Greenhouse family
Make a recovering vehicle.
(GASPS)
turning my passion
into a successful business
with my family in tow
Choo-choo!
hasn't exactly been plain sailing.
No mother? Shush.
But things are finally on the up.
We've got work
How far do you wanna go with it?
new stuff.
(EXCLAIMS) Oh!
We're racing again
Never drive that quick
on the way to work.
and we're going international.
Yeah, I've seen this film.
I just hope
I haven't taken on too much. Argh!
I've got that gone wrong for me.
(BUZZING)
It's probably kind of well known
that I like a car, and I do.
But the truth of it is,
my first and real love
has fewer wheels. Two in fact.
Bikes. Old ones, new ones.
I love them. I have done
since I was five.
And I'm excited cos I'm going
into the workshop now
and I've landed a job
that involves bikes.
So this, apart from being
very exciting for me,
and some of the team,
could be a game changer for us,
which is why I'm celebrating
by going to work on a bike.
(ENGINE IGNITES AND REVS)
Boyo charge!
Gravel, gravel, gravel.
(SIGHS) Gets everywhere.
Thing is It's a good time
for an interesting job to come in.
Because, er
Well, whichever way you cut it, the
Lancia cost us money and time to do.
And the daunting experience.
Spirits not high right now.
This is good news.
Because this is a job
for Royal Enfield.
One of the most iconic
bike brands in the world.
You need to come this way a bit.
(GRUNTING)
Oh-ho-ho! How are you doing,
Richard? You well?
How you doing? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Gordon, nice to see you.
Hi, how are you?
(GASPS) Ooh! Here it is, so.
Yes, it's a beauty,
so I know you can make it better.
So this is an original Interceptor.
This is the original.
This is a Series 2 Interceptor.
Yeah.
One of the very last ever made.
Right. In the UK.
So the new one
is being launched as we speak.
Absolutely.
So the new one, basically,
we will have it at Wheels And Waves
in Biarritz.
And that is a full-on
culture festival of motorcycling.
Everything you could ever dream of
on two wheels.
And you want this there as part of
the launch of the new one?
Yes. So we really want this to be
the best of the breed, Richard.
(LAUGHS) Erm, you know,
the reason I brought it to you,
is because I know the quality
of the Greenhouse's work.
I don't know what response
I'm gonna get in there.
No? (LAUGHS)
I don't know what I'm gonna get.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Chaps? Chaps, behold!
New purchase?
No, it's not a purchase.
Uh-uh. That's my dream bike.
That is the bike.
Really? Yeah. American Export.
Royal Enfield Interceptor 736cc.
That is the one. And I've never
seen one in the flesh.
That is a job. Stop it. It is.
They want us to restore that
to how it left the factory.
We ain't gonna make
loads of money out of bikes, are we?
No Because people doing
that at home
in their garages, they don't
Not always.
Sometimes you're right. Not in this
instance, because that is owned by,
and we have been commissioned by
Royal Enfield themselves to do it.
They want us,
when we've finished this,
to take it to an event
in Biarritz, France.
Where they're gonna have the new one
and they want this one next to it.
And and these are cool people.
Just bikes?
They're gonna launch the new one
and that one Exactly!
And we will have done it.
Right. New and old.
To me, when we opened this place,
we're a car restoration business.
We're not into bikes, just cos
Richard likes it as a hobby.
I just don't think
it's the best idea
Richard's had
since we moved in with him.
You're trying to tell me
there's as much money in that
as there is a car?
We'll be paid the same per hour.
Yes. These are people with money.
And if we can get into
the world of bikes,
this could mark a big step for us.
Definitely. As a workshop.
This has got to try
and prove me wrong.
Well, there you go. If we can.
Prove me wrong.
This is another avenue for us
to explore. We start doing bikes.
You really don't like bikes, do you?
Hm.
When we've finished the Enfield,
the company itself is paying us
to deliver it
to this cool event in Biarritz.
Why don't we ride it there?
We can take this Triumph Bonneville
and I've got the steed for Neil.
That's a great bike there.
It's great. It's a 300.
There is a business case
to be made for riding this bike
to the southwest of France.
I mean, yeah,
a small part of it might be
that I'm getting to do
something I haven't done in ages.
Go on a road trip
on two wheels with my mates.
I'm having a mid-life crisis.
It's not my fault.
Let me do it and it's work.
Right that's settled. Road trip.
I'll be riding the Enfield
to Biarritz
whilst Andrew will commandeer
my old Triumph.
Thing is, Wheels And Waves
attracts a pretty hip crowd,
and the Triumph will be
representing The Cog, too.
So I wanna make it a bit more cool.
The bike I'm starting with
is a 1971 Triumph Bonneville.
That's kind of
the vague shape of it. It's
It's like a old auntie
of a motorcycle,
but I wanna make it more fun.
Get rid of the indicators.
I don't want indicators on it.
Quite, quite big handlebars.
It wants to be flamboyant.
I want people to notice this.
And then I think, I'm gonna give it
some impressive wheels.
And it's a groovy,
fashionable festival.
So there are people who spend
a lot of money on motorcycles,
and those are the exact people
that I need to connect
The Smallest Cog with.
That I think is achievable.
The festival
is the weekend after next,
so it's gonna be tight.
ANDREW: What a day.
First bike in the building.
Hopefully, the first of many.
It's a fairly big project
that's gonna be done for Enfield.
This isn't a full restoration
cos I think it would spoil it.
So what I'm gonna do,
I'll take off all the little bits,
clean them up, do all the cables,
keep all the original lines
on the cables,
cos they're so lovely and original.
Redo the stickers on the tank.
Just do as much as I possibly can.
If you imagine
this bike in a museum,
people wanna look at it and say,
"God, it's an original bike.
"It's done 7,000 miles from new".
They wanna see originality,
and that's what I've got to try
and do. Keep it original.
First job, get the tank off,
I suppose.
See what's the lurking
underneath on the wiring?
Here we go.
(METALLIC SAWING)
I have only got,
like, a small number of days
to turn this back into a motorcycle.
And not just any motorcycle.
A cool motorcycle.
I can't disturb Andrew
cos he's working on the Enfield,
which is the paid job.
Why we're doing this trip.
That's the new tank.
This is a different shape.
Our new mudguard.
So this goes in here.
Yeah. What I'm out of, is my depth.
That's the truth of it.
Well, it's been a while
since we finished the Lancia
and got it sold at Bonhams.
But that was to raise money
for that wildlife park in Devon
to get the enclosure
for the leopards.
It was a good job, went, sold,
but it was a few quid short
of what they actually needed
to build that enclosure.
So I think I'm gonna
see if I can call
on the good people of Herefordshire
to see if they'll,
erm, donate a bit of cash
to out towards the leopards.
"Help Endangered Leopards Please".
Oh, quite happy with that.
Help the leopards, anybody?
Hello, fancy saving a leopard?
Not today?
Morning, sir. Help a leopard?
We're next to Greggs,
which is the epicentre of Ledbury.
Virtually like the town hall.
You know, everybody meets there.
You'd think there'd be somebody
that, sort of, have spare change
and help a leopard.
Morning, sir.
Donation for a leopard?
Morning. Fancy helping
a leopard today? No.
Fancy helping a leopard today,
ladies? No?
This leopard is cuddly.
This job is harder than it looks,
I'll have you know.
And And I've had some very
optimistic and generous comments,
and I've also had
some very strange looks.
Oh, look at that.
Thank you very much, sir.
You've restored
my faith in humanity.
I sat for half a day
and, erm, 21 pence.
And I'm wet. Erm
I'm getting quite embarrassed
and I I really want to go home.
I am waiting for a customer.
Well, potential customer.
This is a good one
because we are about to leave
on our big French adventure
with the bikes,
leaving Anthony, Sophie
and Isaac here,
and I need jobs,
and this is a good one.
Peter. Hello. Nice to see you.
Hello. Hi.
As expected. Oh, I say.
That's very orange, isn't it?
Yeah, man. It's Jaune Helianthe.
Is it? Yeah. It's lovely.
There to be noticed isn't it? I love
these old things. It's fantastic.
Comes bearing gifts as well.
Cha Oh! (LAUGHS)
Look at that.
They're like bloodhounds for cakes.
There we go.
Oh! What's going on there?
Look at that.
Cruffins these are.
It's a croissant. Looks like
a muffin, treated like a doughnut.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much. It's not
gonna help me race, is it? Yeah.
Erm, you've got possibly some work?
I have. Well, we've had this van
beautifully restored.
It's lovely. Looks good,
just does the job. Unfortunately
it costs a little bit more
than I budgeted. Oh.
So I've gotta make a sacrifice
somewhere else,
and I've got another Citroen.
A Citroen DS that I need to sell,
but it needs a bit of work
to make it sellable. So I wonder
if you guys can help me out.
Do you have a budget in mind?
We do accept cruffins, but not
for all of the work. (LAUGHTER)
Well, that's a shame.
Mm.
Erm, I'd like it to cost
less than 1,000 if possible,
seeing as I'm gonna move it on.
Right.
We'll give you a call, set a date,
and erm
And we can talk over more of this.
(LAUGHTER) Thank you.
Andrew, are you all right? How are
things in Royal Enfield world.
What do you think?
That's looking pretty sparkly.
I've painted parts of the frame
that we can mostly see.
Yeah. There was a big dent
in the trumpet. Right.
So I kind of beat that out
and got that polished.
All the aluminium's been polished.
All the individual spokes
on the wheels have been polished.
That's nice.
Yeah, you had a lovely time.
So, anyway, enough about my project.
How's your project coming along.
Very well. It's good. Erm
(SIGHS) One more bit is needed.
Oh, no, two more bits.
(GASPS) I've got to get all
the bloody side panels back in.
Yeah. I've still got a long way
to go with my Triumph
and we're setting off tomorrow.
I can't go any further back.
I don't even have a fit.
The one thing that is familiar
about this whole process
is, erm, I've done
what I always did. Deadline.
I need a deadline and it needs to be
just too close for comfort.
And then there's a chance I'll get
it done. I'll get it done. Probably.
(MACHINES SCREECHING, HAMMERING)
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(HORN HONKING)
Ta-da!
Look at that. New toy.
You wouldn't think now
it was the same bike.
I'll tell you what. That is
a transformation. Isn't it just?
Isn't it That is better.
Do you want a job?
(LAUGHTER) Well, that's gone
from a very old motorbike
to something you wanna be seen on.
You're changing my opinion on bikes
cos I didn't realise
you could change your bike so much.
Anthony, that's exactly it.
Imagine how cool
I'm gonna look, pulling up on this.
(LAUGHS)
Yes. I guess.
Cos you got to ride the Enfield.
I'll ride the Enfield.
You'll be on this.
You're lucky it's a nice ride.
You built me a bike haven't you?
I have. By accident.
Andrew is not the only one
getting a new bike.
Behind the scenes, Flump's been busy
making a few subtle alterations
to Neil's Vespa.
Flump?
Yes.
That is amazing.
So, I've recovered your moped.
It's exactly what I wanted, mate.
It's our support vehicle.
It's got features.
Have you been Has it?
Yeah. Very flashy lights.
Nice. That's useful.
Yeah. What does that do?
That's a siren. You turn it on.
(SIREN WAILING)
It's dangerous, Neil having that.
It's brilliant. Thank you. Good.
Dynamite. I love it.
Look at the Interceptor.
What a name, as well.
That is Look That looks
I think you pitched it just right.
It's still got its personality,
but the frame being painted,
that lifts it.
This being painted
in the right colour,
gaiters up here,
that's gonna blow 'em away.
I hope so. Well,
because they are the makers of it.
And we don't wanna be in with them.
That's a good job to do.
I'm pleased.
We are just about ready to go.
We've gotta keep in mind
this is not a jolly.
This is a chance to get ourselves
in front of a lot of people.
We got our logos on.
They'll go, "Who are these guys?
"Look at these cool bikes.
Amazing. Look at that Enfield.
"It's beautiful. Ooh, look at that
Triumph. That's unusual. It's cool."
Right. Gather the troops.
We are about ready to roll out.
I'm so excited.
So I haven't ridden a bike
for years,
but it's an opportunity
to do something
you'll probably never do
in the rest of my life. And
You've got to seize the moment.
It's like being a teenager again.
But a bit older. And not much wiser.
(KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS)
Hello? Rich?
Yes?
Yeah, I've got a few concerns.
What? Like, I've been worried
about Dad right to France.
Why?
He hasn't been on a bike for years.
Yeah, once a biker, always a biker.
Yeah, I know, but
It's quite sweet that you care.
Just been a while, innit?
I'll make sure he's all right.
I appreciate that.
Don't worry. Cheers, Rich.
Right. You ready to go, Ted?
The Smallest Cog rides again.
The scary thing is,
I think Biarritz (SIGHS)
Dad was saying to me last time,
is like nearly 1,000 miles, which
I'd be worried if he was riding
from here to his home,
which is literally three miles.
Of course, I wouldn't ask Neil
to ride a scooter
all the way to Biarritz.
I wouldn't ask me. I wouldn't
ask any of us to. We're not.
I've foreseen that problem.
Right. The great departure is
upon us. Goodbye, dear colleagues.
(BIKE REVVING) Oh!
Well done. That is your work.
OK. Steady.
Right. Are we ready? We ready?
France, here we come!
I shall lead!
They are riding off into the sunset.
Yeah.
It's a bit emotional, really.
Three old men in a midlife crisis.
It's like watching Last of
the Summer Wine, isn't it? (LAUGHS)
You all right, mate?
OK.
Right. Here you go.
Right, fella.
They're all yours. Perfect.
Thank you very much. (GROANS)
Right. Everything on there.
Look after these bikes.
They're very precious.
Especially that one.
We'll see you on the other side.
Taxi! Bristol Airport, please Guv.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
Here's the lovely Citroen DS.
I'm looking at the car. It's not
looking in a good way either.
So does this thing roll at all?
Brakes work?
He said nothing works.
No brakes. Doesn't start.
It's been sat for ages.
"Don't worry, Ant.
We'll get you exotic cars
"to work on in the workshop,
whilst we're on holiday in France."
It's quite a funky looking thing,
innit?
Oh, my days. Oh.
When do the bikes get here?
The bikes get here tomorrow morning.
The guy will deliver them
to this square.
Isn't exactly, erm, as I envisaged,
like Easy Rider, and
Well, things seldom are.
Even our sugar lumps
have gone soggy.
Yeah, that has happened. Sorry.
At some point,
we're gonna have to ring Anthony,
who believes we are (CHUCKLES)
by now in Northern France,
working our way down on the bikes.
Do we want to really call Anthony
looking like this, in the rain?
And also don't forget,
he believes we're riding.
Yeah, we wouldn't want him to be
So he doesn't wanna know
that we've taken an aeroplane
to Lorraine. So we are
(PHONE RINGING)
Try not to look damp. That's sweat.
It's so hot.
Sweat. Oh! Nice. (CHUCKLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, mate.
You all right, are ya?
Bonjour.
(CHUCKLES)
Hello.
Excuse the sweat. It's so hot.
Boiling. Absolutely boiling.
Sweaty. Very sweaty.
We're showing off the bikes.
Getting a lot of attention.
Erm, we've Struggled a bit. Yeah.
We're not used to doing the miles.
But it's OK.
So how's your French experience
going with the DS?
Not so good this end, literally.
I don't know if you can see this
The wiring.
Literally, the loom is melted
and it's shot.
And the problem is what Pete
wanted to spend His budget on it,
we're gonna It's just not viable
for us to do it.
He was only gonna spend,
like, a grand.
That's basically two days labour
With no parts.
We're gonna have to tell him.
You want me to call him?
No. I've spoken to Peter.
It's all sorted at this end.
What, you told him we can't do it?
Yeah. Well, I'm sorry about that.
Your French experience went wrong.
I'll make it up to you
because Bit of a surprise,
actually, guys, I've got a job.
Go on. Just before
all of this kicked off and we left,
Sunday morning, I'm going down to
my newsagents down the road from me
to see lovely Mark,
who sells all my papers every week
and he says, out of the blue,
"I've got one of Stirling Moss's
cars, and it needs some work".
I kid you not.
The Stirling Moss?
He's a legend. Sir Stirling Moss,
as in Stirling Moss.
All you've got to do is
I'm What?
I don't mind what it is, I'll do it.
Well, yeah. And it's mechanical
work. So it's right up your street.
Ask for Mark.
He'll know to expect you.
I've told him
you're gonna come down.
We'll do all the work. You go
and play with Moss's car.
Yeah. Lucky boy.
All right, fella. Good luck.
See you, mate. Bye.
Ta-da, ta-da.
I would have loved to have
met the bloke, never mind
actually get my hands on one of
his cars. And I know he had
some very exciting cars.
So, I need to tell Sophie some news.
Do you think the sun's gonna
come out? It might.
It's gonna improve.
The bikes will get here.
They'll be here, in this square.
Tomorrow morning,
we will be reunited with our steeds.
Look at it this way.
What way?
We've earned ourselves
a day off in France.
Great.
Hooray.
Hm.
I can't speak French, so I just
I don't think you're gonna
have to speak French, mate.
There's nobody here.
(BIRD CROWING)
Mark? Morning. You're Mark?
Yes. It is Mark. Yeah, Anthony.
Richard sent me to have a look
at Stirling Moss's old car.
I have got a Stirling Moss old car.
I know. I couldn't sleep last night.
I'm actually so excited
to see what it is.
I've actually rushed here
to come and see you this morning.
You want me to show you?
If you could, please.
Sure. Yeah? Let's go and do it.
This is it.
Smart car.
A Smart car.
Didn't quite live up to my dream.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry about that.
Oh.
I just can't believe Stirling Moss
had a Smart car.
So how do you know
that was actually Sterling Moss's?
Well, I bought it on eBay.
Yep.
Erm, and I have
all the original paperwork
that this chap supplied me with.
The original bill of sale.
With the main man's name on it?
With the main man s name on it.
He and his wife both had smart cars,
and I think they had them because
they lived in central London.
Oh OK. Yeah. Because
it made sense to have small cars.
Yeah, it wasn't quite
what I was expecting,
but at the end of the day,
still Stirling Moss's car. Correct.
Big man
still actually owned that car.
Stirling Moss actually
owned that Smart car.
And I'll probably never get a chance
to drive a Stirling Moss car again,
so I've got to make the most of this
and actually enjoy
working on a little smart car.
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING) Come on, girl.
Gentlemen, this is it.
Today is looking better.
It is looking better.
Neil?
Have you been before we set off?
Just about.
Good. Right.
Thank you, by the way, for bringing
everything. Well done.
Good job.
(GRUNTING)
And we got to start these yet.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
All right with your electric start.
(WHINES)
(ENGINE STARTS AND REVS)
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I'm trying not to look surprised.
I always look surprised
when a bike starts.
(ENGINES REVVING)
Right. All ready?
Begin!
Right, lads. We've got
about 80 miles to ride
to the festival camp site and all
day to do it. So this is a doddle.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Only cloud
on the horizon, I did see,
well, a little bit of
bad weather forecast up ahead.
But we're in the south of France.
How bad can it be?
Yeah, OK.
Oh! This is far better!
Oh! Great, innit?
Gentlemen, I am actually happy.
This is the mighty Enfield.
Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud!
Great, innit?
Oh, I saw myself
in the window there.
I did, and I looked pretty cool.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, I've trapped a bollock
in the jeans.
(NEIL AND ANDREW LAUGH)
Argh!
That was bad.
Oh! (CHUCKLING) Yeah, here it comes.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I had anticipated better weather
(INDISTINCT)
Ha-ha! Right down my neck!
Oh! It's coming back to me now.
How have I got water running down
the back of my legs
inside my boots.
(LAUGHING)
I wonder what Anthony's doing
in the workshop.
He's probably drier than us.
(ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING)
So, it's so hot here.
Could you imagine how insufferably
hotter it's in France right now?
Yeah, hugely warmer.
Bit more south.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh! Oh!
Bloody hell!
That lightning was blinding.
I don't know! Most of the storm
is in my boots and crock.
Oh, it's just all collecting
in my nether portions.
(ALL EXCLAIMING AND LAUGHING)
Oh, no!
Is everyone all right?
Oh, now, careful.
(EXCLAIMING INDISTINCTLY)
Do you need to stop, Andrew?
It'll be the rain. Hang on.
Pull in. His bike died.
Let's go under those trees
on the right.
Then if necessary, we'll
come back and get Andrew's bike.
Damp ignition on that.
It's just wet. Yeah.
Have you tried kicking it over now?
Give it a kick.
Come on, little Triumph.
Don't die on us now in the rain.
We're not going much further
in this, on those.
I'm sorry. I'd like to apologise.
I did expect
(GROANS) something better.
Yeah.
A good night's sleep,
some running repairs,
and a change of clothes,
and I am festival ready.
Right, chaps, Come on.
The bikes have dried out.
It's time to go to the festival.
Brilliant, yeah.
Well, that's what we're here to do.
See the bikes and meet our people,
and it's all waiting for us.
You've had breakfast.
I don't think I'll go.
I don't feel very clever,
to be honest.
What?
It's all this foreign food and
You're in France. We haven't
travelled Your Herefordian guts
and said, "No, I don't like it".
I'd rather have an hour
just to settle myself.
I'll be all right then. I'll be OK.
All right. Well, look.
Here's an idea.
Andy and I will go off to the
festival and have a look around
the actual biker festival bit.
Yeah. And then, this afternoon
there's a race.
Punk's Peak, it's called.
It's like a proper bikers event
up on the hill. Mountain.
So we'll all reunite for that. Yeah,
yeah. He's got to come to that.
No, no, we'll definitely get there.
Just if I go now,
it could end in tragedy.
Don't even imagine how it might end.
Let's not.
All right, well,
we'll catch up with you in a bit.
Wheels And Waves is Europe's
landmark surfing
and motorcycling festival.
I'm not much of a surfer, but if
a festival's got bikes, count me in.
Right. We're gonna
Wallet lodged firmly in pocket.
Oh, look. Oh, come on, that is fun.
It's a bit of Neil, that is.
That is, I think,
yeah that's a monkey bike.
Bit of Neil, right?
That's brilliant. He'd like that.
He could get his feet down on that.
(LAUGHS)
Well, actually, I'm feeling fine.
The boys have gone off into town.
Go off their bit of adventure.
Last night, I was talking to a chap.
Luckily for me,
he speaks fairly good English.
Lovely, lovely chap.
We got chatting, just talking
about cars. You do where we are.
And he tells me his dad's
got this car collection.
Some of them need a bit of work.
So, could be doing a bit of business
abroad. Better go and have a look.
Ooh, that's nice.
That? Yeah.
Snap your leg off. Yeah, it would
snap your leg off immediately.
I've broken my collarbone
just looking at it. (LAUGHS)
Do you want to buy
a sheepskin jacket?
Or a pair of corduroy pants?
No.
He's either enormous
or it's a small bike.
(INDISTINCT) Yes.
(LAUGHS)
Nice to see you again.
Ah. Nice to see you here. You OK?
Neil, Romaric told me about you.
Hello, Hubert. Nice to meet you.
Bonjour.
Nice to meet you.
Lovely place you've got here.
Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful.
You lead on.
I can't wait to have a look.
OK, we lead. OK, with pleasure.
Oh, I recognise this.
That's a bit of Britishness there.
Original condition, original paint.
Original problems.
(LAUGHS) What's under there?
Ah.
Maserati?
Yeah.
Ghibli?
Oui.
Beautiful.
Here we got the
Ah, ah! Ferrari. The GT4. Yeah.
Hm. But just metal. The inside.
Not with brand new upholstery.
Ah, it's beautiful.
It's like fine wine.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
Mixing with all the cool kids
at the festival
has given me an idea.
Yeah. Yeah!
If I'm going to have
a midlife crisis,
I might as well go the whole hog.
OK, on the You come in here.
Your bed of death.
A sure sign of a midlife crisis
is tattoos
motorbikes
Marlon Brando leather jacket.
(LAUGHS SILENTLY)
We had a good five-minute
conversation about design.
I had to incorporate the logo,
which he has.
Ow.
Yeah. The business is founded
on something I love.
Machinery, cars, motorcycles
and they're based on cogs.
So yeah, it's part of me,
literally is part of me now.
So that looks a bit,
er, a bit sleek.
Yeah. What do you think
there is underneath?
Come see.
Oh.
Oh, a Lamborghini.
This is a first series Espada.
OK.
That is a nice car.
What did Ferruccio Lamborghini say?
He said you bought a Ferrari
when you want to be somebody.
You buy a Lamborghini
when you are somebody.
(LAUGHTER)
I would like to sit in it.
Yes, do. Please do.
This is a moment to savour.
I'm almost Ferruccio Lamborghini
at the moment.
What a nice place to be.
Oh, it gets sore
when he goes over to the outside.
Does it really?
(WINCING) (LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING) This is
the centre of The Little Cog
Swear to God, he's sewing my arm
to the table. (CHUCKLING) Argh!
Give us your hand.
You'll be all right, mate.
Ooh, that's quite a tight grip.
It looks like you're giving birth.
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
Sorry.
Don't make me look.
Maybe it's gonna be all right.
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHING)
Don't. Stop it.
(LAUGHING)
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
I won't look at you. (LAUGHS)
If I take a few photographs
and then I can go back
and see Richard
and we can work you out a price.
That's Espada at the end.
What a thing of beauty.
Everything about it is just
screaming, "Paint me, paint me",
and I can't wait
to go back to Richard,
and show him the picture and say,
"Look, we've got this job".
Can I have a look?
Oh, I like it. It's good. Thank you.
Eventually, I might have
the little cog made gold.
Yeah, yeah. Like our logo.
That was an interesting diversion.
Well done. You were very brave.
Agony. Thank you.
I was crying inside the whole time.
You dropped a tear.
I know. There was a tear.
(BOTH LAUGHING) I know.
We've got to go, haven't we?
Yeah. We are on a schedule.
Rolling Thunder. I am hoping
that noise behind me is Neil's bike,
not his dodgy tummy.
Reunited, the three of us
are heading south
to the festival's legendary hill
climb at Punk's Peak.
Oh, look, look, look.
We're through this, lads.
On a Triumph. (LAUGHTER) Yeah!
Time to reclaim my dignity.
I'll be racing Andrew
in a knockout event,
in a field of more than 100 festival
goers from across the globe.
Thank you. 45. That'll be me.
Yep. I'll accept that.
You're on the new one,
and never ridden it?
I've never I've sat on it once.
(LAUGHS)
The chaps at Royal Enfield
have lent us
one of their new Interceptors
for Andrew to race.
Let's not crash them.
Can't crash them. No.
Royal Enfield have paid us
to restore the bike.
They want us to make it look good
and arrive in one piece.
So when you're on the start line
and I gently pull away from you,
you're not gonna chase me at all?
So then when you pull away from me,
I'm not going to chase you? Yeah
Let's both pact, we don't break
the bikes. OK, won't break bikes.
Richard has text me,
"Let's not go mad
"cos we don't wanna
crash Enfield's bikes".
But once you get to that start line,
your brain changes
and you think, "I'm having a go".
And I can't be beaten
by Richard Hammond.
I was gonna go berserk,
but I'm not gonna be drawn into it.
I'm riding sensibly.
I'm not gonna bend that bike.
After being to all the trouble
to restore and get it here.
The trouble is with this lot,
is that, just look around you,
you can smell the testosterone
in the air.
Getting real close now.
I can feel the butterflies
coming out. (LAUGHS)
Andrew's pretty experienced
on motorbikes.
I think he'd be OK, but I wouldn't
want to see anything go wrong.
Are you ready then, big fella?
MAN: Don't cross the lanes!
Don't cross the sides? OK.
This on the helmet.
Oh, so like that?
Yeah?
Your hand. Your helmet.
All right. Ah!
So then we're going to
get it in gear and go.
That's cruel. That is cruel.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Terrible.
Oh, no.
So who'll come in the corner first?
Who will be overconfident?
Will the testosterone get flowing,
the adrenaline get flowing?
Terrible.
Oh, no.
(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Er Ready?
Yeah.
(STARTER PISTOL FIRES)
Shit!
(LAUGHS) Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Remember to brake after the finish.
(LAUGHS)
I did remember to slow down.
(LAUGHS)
It was close.
It was close.
Well, I'd love to think it was.
You had me on the start.
I did have you on the start.
There's no doubt about that.
So I did get off the line first,
but then he just disappeared.
The problem is, now you see,
I am now gonna listen
to endless hours of,
"Oh, I leant into this corner.
I could do this.
"If I'd have just throttled.
I had to touch my hand
on my head. La-la-la".
And I just go, "Oh" and "Oh".
Yeah.
I'm just oozing testos
Don't stand too much closer,
you'll get pregnant.
(LAUGHS)
I wanna do it again. I could do it
all day. It's fantastic.
I think we have sort of reconnected
with ourselves a little bit.
Me, Andrew and Neil.
But I've always likened it to,
there is a version of me, aged 17,
always on a motorcycle.
That's striking, and that's
the 17-year-old you inside.
So I think we've reconnected
with that. With our youths a bit.
All we have to do now
is deliver the bike, in person,
to the guys from Royal Enfield.
All right, well then, everybody.
I think it's down that way.
It's not.
Oh, there's Royal Enfield.
Look, there. Where? There.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Keep your eyes peeled for Steve.
He'll be around. There he is.
There's Steve. Hello, mate!
Thank you.
Where do you want this?
In there. I probably can do it.
Go on! You can do it.
Oh, this is the moment. This is
Don't fall off it. Do not fall off.
(LAUGHS) Do not.
Don't fall off it, mate.
Hey!
Yeah. (CHUCKLING)
Gentlemen! Very nice to see you.
Good to see you, sir.
This is Gordon.
Gentlemen. How are you, sir?
Great job.
Nice to see you. Thank you, mate.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
This is all now
whether it passes
Gordon's inspection.
Does it pass muster, Gordon?
GORDON: Yeah.
Look at that, Gordon.
(LAUGHTER) Oh, what, where? Bike's
over there. Let's have a look.
Engine cases
have come out beautifully.
I'm sorry about the thing.
Well, they did, they did, obviously.
They will again. It's just
a rag now. It's all you need.
Carburettors? You clean those?
Yeah, bit of ultrasonic action.
I don't know how you've managed
to restore the air box
cos that was severely
battered when you had it.
But that's beautiful.
And I love the patina
you've kept on the tank.
It looks Exactly. It's,
you know, it's not overdone. No.
And I love the details
that you've kept. So new cables,
but you've kept original fittings,
which is a beautiful touch.
It's gorgeous.
Good.
It isn't dripping oil.
That was already there.
Yeah, that was there.
Just so you know.
NEIL: That's not oil that's
enthusiasm. Yeah, that's what it is.
I'm delighted looking at it.
You've done an absolutely
superb job of it. Thank you.
It's exactly what we hoped for.
And more. And more.
Has to be said.
Yeah. And more.
Would you guys mind
if I borrowed you for a bit
to do a little photo shoot?
Oh, I would do that. Yeah. We could.
Where you want to do it?
Let's get on the beach
and have fun.
All right, we'll do that.
Do we look cool?
(CHUCKLING)
You sure we look cool?
NEIL: Yeah, we look cool.
You look quite cool. That's good.
It was always obvious
that this trip was about
more than just
dropping the bike off.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Right, let's get
you all behind the bike.
Behind the bike?
Yeah. I feel like
we need a surfboard.
What are we going to do with
a surfboard? Hold it there.
(LAUGHTER)
But it was also
more than just a laugh
cos, er
the three of us don't get to
do things like that
very often, actually.
I know, yeah, you think I do
cos I do them on TV.
But this is different.
Andy, why don't you stand
further and hold the board?
What, I get the surfboard?
Yeah. Just look confident.
Yeah, but criticised,
midlife crisis.
Yeah, whatever. It's not a crisis.
I'm not fighting there.
"Oh, no. I'm middle aged".
I know it's been coming on
for a while.
Celebration.
It's embracing it. Own it.
Cool? Yeah, beautiful.
Right. We are cool, everybody.
I've got something to show you.
When you were off gallivanting
You were home with
the poorly guts. Poorly guts.
Well, yeah, I didn't feel very well,
admittedly, but I did recover.
See if you recognise this?
Hm.
Lambo.
Lamborghini Espada. Espada.
Ooh! Look,
that's the original interior.
Yep, and it is original. Absolutely.
Oh, my word.
Gets better. We can They want
that Maserati Ghibli repairing.
And they want that Lamborghini
Espada stripping to bare metal
and re-spraying, and
they are willing to bring it to us.
Hm. Hey?
Seriously.
Spot on.
See?
It's good to have a bad belly.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cheers. Cheers. Mm-hm.
Let's have tomorrow off.
Should we? Yeah.
Thank you very much.
We took our time getting here.
Think that's Punk's Peak over there?
Quite Steep. Looks like a volcano
Hello, hello, hello.
Oh, hello.
Tell me what you want me to do.
I can't believe it.
Mindy's come in to give me a hand.
She's better than Richard.
RICHARD: Oh, my word.
That's a Lancia Delta Integrale.
That is incredible.
£36,000! That's spectacular!
Would it be nice just to?
Bit more? Bit more? Yeah.
We are in with a shout
of finishing a race. Don't jinx it.
(TYRES SCREECH, CAR CRASHES)
I think he spinned it
on the last lap. Argh!
What do we have to do
to finish a bloody race? (SIGHS)
(ENGINE FIRES UP)
Something worked!
Two years ago, I set up
a classic car restoration business
with the Greenhouse family
Make a recovering vehicle.
(GASPS)
turning my passion
into a successful business
with my family in tow
Choo-choo!
hasn't exactly been plain sailing.
No mother? Shush.
But things are finally on the up.
We've got work
How far do you wanna go with it?
new stuff.
(EXCLAIMS) Oh!
We're racing again
Never drive that quick
on the way to work.
and we're going international.
Yeah, I've seen this film.
I just hope
I haven't taken on too much. Argh!
I've got that gone wrong for me.
(BUZZING)
It's probably kind of well known
that I like a car, and I do.
But the truth of it is,
my first and real love
has fewer wheels. Two in fact.
Bikes. Old ones, new ones.
I love them. I have done
since I was five.
And I'm excited cos I'm going
into the workshop now
and I've landed a job
that involves bikes.
So this, apart from being
very exciting for me,
and some of the team,
could be a game changer for us,
which is why I'm celebrating
by going to work on a bike.
(ENGINE IGNITES AND REVS)
Boyo charge!
Gravel, gravel, gravel.
(SIGHS) Gets everywhere.
Thing is It's a good time
for an interesting job to come in.
Because, er
Well, whichever way you cut it, the
Lancia cost us money and time to do.
And the daunting experience.
Spirits not high right now.
This is good news.
Because this is a job
for Royal Enfield.
One of the most iconic
bike brands in the world.
You need to come this way a bit.
(GRUNTING)
Oh-ho-ho! How are you doing,
Richard? You well?
How you doing? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Gordon, nice to see you.
Hi, how are you?
(GASPS) Ooh! Here it is, so.
Yes, it's a beauty,
so I know you can make it better.
So this is an original Interceptor.
This is the original.
This is a Series 2 Interceptor.
Yeah.
One of the very last ever made.
Right. In the UK.
So the new one
is being launched as we speak.
Absolutely.
So the new one, basically,
we will have it at Wheels And Waves
in Biarritz.
And that is a full-on
culture festival of motorcycling.
Everything you could ever dream of
on two wheels.
And you want this there as part of
the launch of the new one?
Yes. So we really want this to be
the best of the breed, Richard.
(LAUGHS) Erm, you know,
the reason I brought it to you,
is because I know the quality
of the Greenhouse's work.
I don't know what response
I'm gonna get in there.
No? (LAUGHS)
I don't know what I'm gonna get.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Chaps? Chaps, behold!
New purchase?
No, it's not a purchase.
Uh-uh. That's my dream bike.
That is the bike.
Really? Yeah. American Export.
Royal Enfield Interceptor 736cc.
That is the one. And I've never
seen one in the flesh.
That is a job. Stop it. It is.
They want us to restore that
to how it left the factory.
We ain't gonna make
loads of money out of bikes, are we?
No Because people doing
that at home
in their garages, they don't
Not always.
Sometimes you're right. Not in this
instance, because that is owned by,
and we have been commissioned by
Royal Enfield themselves to do it.
They want us,
when we've finished this,
to take it to an event
in Biarritz, France.
Where they're gonna have the new one
and they want this one next to it.
And and these are cool people.
Just bikes?
They're gonna launch the new one
and that one Exactly!
And we will have done it.
Right. New and old.
To me, when we opened this place,
we're a car restoration business.
We're not into bikes, just cos
Richard likes it as a hobby.
I just don't think
it's the best idea
Richard's had
since we moved in with him.
You're trying to tell me
there's as much money in that
as there is a car?
We'll be paid the same per hour.
Yes. These are people with money.
And if we can get into
the world of bikes,
this could mark a big step for us.
Definitely. As a workshop.
This has got to try
and prove me wrong.
Well, there you go. If we can.
Prove me wrong.
This is another avenue for us
to explore. We start doing bikes.
You really don't like bikes, do you?
Hm.
When we've finished the Enfield,
the company itself is paying us
to deliver it
to this cool event in Biarritz.
Why don't we ride it there?
We can take this Triumph Bonneville
and I've got the steed for Neil.
That's a great bike there.
It's great. It's a 300.
There is a business case
to be made for riding this bike
to the southwest of France.
I mean, yeah,
a small part of it might be
that I'm getting to do
something I haven't done in ages.
Go on a road trip
on two wheels with my mates.
I'm having a mid-life crisis.
It's not my fault.
Let me do it and it's work.
Right that's settled. Road trip.
I'll be riding the Enfield
to Biarritz
whilst Andrew will commandeer
my old Triumph.
Thing is, Wheels And Waves
attracts a pretty hip crowd,
and the Triumph will be
representing The Cog, too.
So I wanna make it a bit more cool.
The bike I'm starting with
is a 1971 Triumph Bonneville.
That's kind of
the vague shape of it. It's
It's like a old auntie
of a motorcycle,
but I wanna make it more fun.
Get rid of the indicators.
I don't want indicators on it.
Quite, quite big handlebars.
It wants to be flamboyant.
I want people to notice this.
And then I think, I'm gonna give it
some impressive wheels.
And it's a groovy,
fashionable festival.
So there are people who spend
a lot of money on motorcycles,
and those are the exact people
that I need to connect
The Smallest Cog with.
That I think is achievable.
The festival
is the weekend after next,
so it's gonna be tight.
ANDREW: What a day.
First bike in the building.
Hopefully, the first of many.
It's a fairly big project
that's gonna be done for Enfield.
This isn't a full restoration
cos I think it would spoil it.
So what I'm gonna do,
I'll take off all the little bits,
clean them up, do all the cables,
keep all the original lines
on the cables,
cos they're so lovely and original.
Redo the stickers on the tank.
Just do as much as I possibly can.
If you imagine
this bike in a museum,
people wanna look at it and say,
"God, it's an original bike.
"It's done 7,000 miles from new".
They wanna see originality,
and that's what I've got to try
and do. Keep it original.
First job, get the tank off,
I suppose.
See what's the lurking
underneath on the wiring?
Here we go.
(METALLIC SAWING)
I have only got,
like, a small number of days
to turn this back into a motorcycle.
And not just any motorcycle.
A cool motorcycle.
I can't disturb Andrew
cos he's working on the Enfield,
which is the paid job.
Why we're doing this trip.
That's the new tank.
This is a different shape.
Our new mudguard.
So this goes in here.
Yeah. What I'm out of, is my depth.
That's the truth of it.
Well, it's been a while
since we finished the Lancia
and got it sold at Bonhams.
But that was to raise money
for that wildlife park in Devon
to get the enclosure
for the leopards.
It was a good job, went, sold,
but it was a few quid short
of what they actually needed
to build that enclosure.
So I think I'm gonna
see if I can call
on the good people of Herefordshire
to see if they'll,
erm, donate a bit of cash
to out towards the leopards.
"Help Endangered Leopards Please".
Oh, quite happy with that.
Help the leopards, anybody?
Hello, fancy saving a leopard?
Not today?
Morning, sir. Help a leopard?
We're next to Greggs,
which is the epicentre of Ledbury.
Virtually like the town hall.
You know, everybody meets there.
You'd think there'd be somebody
that, sort of, have spare change
and help a leopard.
Morning, sir.
Donation for a leopard?
Morning. Fancy helping
a leopard today? No.
Fancy helping a leopard today,
ladies? No?
This leopard is cuddly.
This job is harder than it looks,
I'll have you know.
And And I've had some very
optimistic and generous comments,
and I've also had
some very strange looks.
Oh, look at that.
Thank you very much, sir.
You've restored
my faith in humanity.
I sat for half a day
and, erm, 21 pence.
And I'm wet. Erm
I'm getting quite embarrassed
and I I really want to go home.
I am waiting for a customer.
Well, potential customer.
This is a good one
because we are about to leave
on our big French adventure
with the bikes,
leaving Anthony, Sophie
and Isaac here,
and I need jobs,
and this is a good one.
Peter. Hello. Nice to see you.
Hello. Hi.
As expected. Oh, I say.
That's very orange, isn't it?
Yeah, man. It's Jaune Helianthe.
Is it? Yeah. It's lovely.
There to be noticed isn't it? I love
these old things. It's fantastic.
Comes bearing gifts as well.
Cha Oh! (LAUGHS)
Look at that.
They're like bloodhounds for cakes.
There we go.
Oh! What's going on there?
Look at that.
Cruffins these are.
It's a croissant. Looks like
a muffin, treated like a doughnut.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much. It's not
gonna help me race, is it? Yeah.
Erm, you've got possibly some work?
I have. Well, we've had this van
beautifully restored.
It's lovely. Looks good,
just does the job. Unfortunately
it costs a little bit more
than I budgeted. Oh.
So I've gotta make a sacrifice
somewhere else,
and I've got another Citroen.
A Citroen DS that I need to sell,
but it needs a bit of work
to make it sellable. So I wonder
if you guys can help me out.
Do you have a budget in mind?
We do accept cruffins, but not
for all of the work. (LAUGHTER)
Well, that's a shame.
Mm.
Erm, I'd like it to cost
less than 1,000 if possible,
seeing as I'm gonna move it on.
Right.
We'll give you a call, set a date,
and erm
And we can talk over more of this.
(LAUGHTER) Thank you.
Andrew, are you all right? How are
things in Royal Enfield world.
What do you think?
That's looking pretty sparkly.
I've painted parts of the frame
that we can mostly see.
Yeah. There was a big dent
in the trumpet. Right.
So I kind of beat that out
and got that polished.
All the aluminium's been polished.
All the individual spokes
on the wheels have been polished.
That's nice.
Yeah, you had a lovely time.
So, anyway, enough about my project.
How's your project coming along.
Very well. It's good. Erm
(SIGHS) One more bit is needed.
Oh, no, two more bits.
(GASPS) I've got to get all
the bloody side panels back in.
Yeah. I've still got a long way
to go with my Triumph
and we're setting off tomorrow.
I can't go any further back.
I don't even have a fit.
The one thing that is familiar
about this whole process
is, erm, I've done
what I always did. Deadline.
I need a deadline and it needs to be
just too close for comfort.
And then there's a chance I'll get
it done. I'll get it done. Probably.
(MACHINES SCREECHING, HAMMERING)
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(HORN HONKING)
Ta-da!
Look at that. New toy.
You wouldn't think now
it was the same bike.
I'll tell you what. That is
a transformation. Isn't it just?
Isn't it That is better.
Do you want a job?
(LAUGHTER) Well, that's gone
from a very old motorbike
to something you wanna be seen on.
You're changing my opinion on bikes
cos I didn't realise
you could change your bike so much.
Anthony, that's exactly it.
Imagine how cool
I'm gonna look, pulling up on this.
(LAUGHS)
Yes. I guess.
Cos you got to ride the Enfield.
I'll ride the Enfield.
You'll be on this.
You're lucky it's a nice ride.
You built me a bike haven't you?
I have. By accident.
Andrew is not the only one
getting a new bike.
Behind the scenes, Flump's been busy
making a few subtle alterations
to Neil's Vespa.
Flump?
Yes.
That is amazing.
So, I've recovered your moped.
It's exactly what I wanted, mate.
It's our support vehicle.
It's got features.
Have you been Has it?
Yeah. Very flashy lights.
Nice. That's useful.
Yeah. What does that do?
That's a siren. You turn it on.
(SIREN WAILING)
It's dangerous, Neil having that.
It's brilliant. Thank you. Good.
Dynamite. I love it.
Look at the Interceptor.
What a name, as well.
That is Look That looks
I think you pitched it just right.
It's still got its personality,
but the frame being painted,
that lifts it.
This being painted
in the right colour,
gaiters up here,
that's gonna blow 'em away.
I hope so. Well,
because they are the makers of it.
And we don't wanna be in with them.
That's a good job to do.
I'm pleased.
We are just about ready to go.
We've gotta keep in mind
this is not a jolly.
This is a chance to get ourselves
in front of a lot of people.
We got our logos on.
They'll go, "Who are these guys?
"Look at these cool bikes.
Amazing. Look at that Enfield.
"It's beautiful. Ooh, look at that
Triumph. That's unusual. It's cool."
Right. Gather the troops.
We are about ready to roll out.
I'm so excited.
So I haven't ridden a bike
for years,
but it's an opportunity
to do something
you'll probably never do
in the rest of my life. And
You've got to seize the moment.
It's like being a teenager again.
But a bit older. And not much wiser.
(KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS)
Hello? Rich?
Yes?
Yeah, I've got a few concerns.
What? Like, I've been worried
about Dad right to France.
Why?
He hasn't been on a bike for years.
Yeah, once a biker, always a biker.
Yeah, I know, but
It's quite sweet that you care.
Just been a while, innit?
I'll make sure he's all right.
I appreciate that.
Don't worry. Cheers, Rich.
Right. You ready to go, Ted?
The Smallest Cog rides again.
The scary thing is,
I think Biarritz (SIGHS)
Dad was saying to me last time,
is like nearly 1,000 miles, which
I'd be worried if he was riding
from here to his home,
which is literally three miles.
Of course, I wouldn't ask Neil
to ride a scooter
all the way to Biarritz.
I wouldn't ask me. I wouldn't
ask any of us to. We're not.
I've foreseen that problem.
Right. The great departure is
upon us. Goodbye, dear colleagues.
(BIKE REVVING) Oh!
Well done. That is your work.
OK. Steady.
Right. Are we ready? We ready?
France, here we come!
I shall lead!
They are riding off into the sunset.
Yeah.
It's a bit emotional, really.
Three old men in a midlife crisis.
It's like watching Last of
the Summer Wine, isn't it? (LAUGHS)
You all right, mate?
OK.
Right. Here you go.
Right, fella.
They're all yours. Perfect.
Thank you very much. (GROANS)
Right. Everything on there.
Look after these bikes.
They're very precious.
Especially that one.
We'll see you on the other side.
Taxi! Bristol Airport, please Guv.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
Here's the lovely Citroen DS.
I'm looking at the car. It's not
looking in a good way either.
So does this thing roll at all?
Brakes work?
He said nothing works.
No brakes. Doesn't start.
It's been sat for ages.
"Don't worry, Ant.
We'll get you exotic cars
"to work on in the workshop,
whilst we're on holiday in France."
It's quite a funky looking thing,
innit?
Oh, my days. Oh.
When do the bikes get here?
The bikes get here tomorrow morning.
The guy will deliver them
to this square.
Isn't exactly, erm, as I envisaged,
like Easy Rider, and
Well, things seldom are.
Even our sugar lumps
have gone soggy.
Yeah, that has happened. Sorry.
At some point,
we're gonna have to ring Anthony,
who believes we are (CHUCKLES)
by now in Northern France,
working our way down on the bikes.
Do we want to really call Anthony
looking like this, in the rain?
And also don't forget,
he believes we're riding.
Yeah, we wouldn't want him to be
So he doesn't wanna know
that we've taken an aeroplane
to Lorraine. So we are
(PHONE RINGING)
Try not to look damp. That's sweat.
It's so hot.
Sweat. Oh! Nice. (CHUCKLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, mate.
You all right, are ya?
Bonjour.
(CHUCKLES)
Hello.
Excuse the sweat. It's so hot.
Boiling. Absolutely boiling.
Sweaty. Very sweaty.
We're showing off the bikes.
Getting a lot of attention.
Erm, we've Struggled a bit. Yeah.
We're not used to doing the miles.
But it's OK.
So how's your French experience
going with the DS?
Not so good this end, literally.
I don't know if you can see this
The wiring.
Literally, the loom is melted
and it's shot.
And the problem is what Pete
wanted to spend His budget on it,
we're gonna It's just not viable
for us to do it.
He was only gonna spend,
like, a grand.
That's basically two days labour
With no parts.
We're gonna have to tell him.
You want me to call him?
No. I've spoken to Peter.
It's all sorted at this end.
What, you told him we can't do it?
Yeah. Well, I'm sorry about that.
Your French experience went wrong.
I'll make it up to you
because Bit of a surprise,
actually, guys, I've got a job.
Go on. Just before
all of this kicked off and we left,
Sunday morning, I'm going down to
my newsagents down the road from me
to see lovely Mark,
who sells all my papers every week
and he says, out of the blue,
"I've got one of Stirling Moss's
cars, and it needs some work".
I kid you not.
The Stirling Moss?
He's a legend. Sir Stirling Moss,
as in Stirling Moss.
All you've got to do is
I'm What?
I don't mind what it is, I'll do it.
Well, yeah. And it's mechanical
work. So it's right up your street.
Ask for Mark.
He'll know to expect you.
I've told him
you're gonna come down.
We'll do all the work. You go
and play with Moss's car.
Yeah. Lucky boy.
All right, fella. Good luck.
See you, mate. Bye.
Ta-da, ta-da.
I would have loved to have
met the bloke, never mind
actually get my hands on one of
his cars. And I know he had
some very exciting cars.
So, I need to tell Sophie some news.
Do you think the sun's gonna
come out? It might.
It's gonna improve.
The bikes will get here.
They'll be here, in this square.
Tomorrow morning,
we will be reunited with our steeds.
Look at it this way.
What way?
We've earned ourselves
a day off in France.
Great.
Hooray.
Hm.
I can't speak French, so I just
I don't think you're gonna
have to speak French, mate.
There's nobody here.
(BIRD CROWING)
Mark? Morning. You're Mark?
Yes. It is Mark. Yeah, Anthony.
Richard sent me to have a look
at Stirling Moss's old car.
I have got a Stirling Moss old car.
I know. I couldn't sleep last night.
I'm actually so excited
to see what it is.
I've actually rushed here
to come and see you this morning.
You want me to show you?
If you could, please.
Sure. Yeah? Let's go and do it.
This is it.
Smart car.
A Smart car.
Didn't quite live up to my dream.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry about that.
Oh.
I just can't believe Stirling Moss
had a Smart car.
So how do you know
that was actually Sterling Moss's?
Well, I bought it on eBay.
Yep.
Erm, and I have
all the original paperwork
that this chap supplied me with.
The original bill of sale.
With the main man's name on it?
With the main man s name on it.
He and his wife both had smart cars,
and I think they had them because
they lived in central London.
Oh OK. Yeah. Because
it made sense to have small cars.
Yeah, it wasn't quite
what I was expecting,
but at the end of the day,
still Stirling Moss's car. Correct.
Big man
still actually owned that car.
Stirling Moss actually
owned that Smart car.
And I'll probably never get a chance
to drive a Stirling Moss car again,
so I've got to make the most of this
and actually enjoy
working on a little smart car.
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING) Come on, girl.
Gentlemen, this is it.
Today is looking better.
It is looking better.
Neil?
Have you been before we set off?
Just about.
Good. Right.
Thank you, by the way, for bringing
everything. Well done.
Good job.
(GRUNTING)
And we got to start these yet.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
All right with your electric start.
(WHINES)
(ENGINE STARTS AND REVS)
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I'm trying not to look surprised.
I always look surprised
when a bike starts.
(ENGINES REVVING)
Right. All ready?
Begin!
Right, lads. We've got
about 80 miles to ride
to the festival camp site and all
day to do it. So this is a doddle.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Only cloud
on the horizon, I did see,
well, a little bit of
bad weather forecast up ahead.
But we're in the south of France.
How bad can it be?
Yeah, OK.
Oh! This is far better!
Oh! Great, innit?
Gentlemen, I am actually happy.
This is the mighty Enfield.
Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud!
Great, innit?
Oh, I saw myself
in the window there.
I did, and I looked pretty cool.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, I've trapped a bollock
in the jeans.
(NEIL AND ANDREW LAUGH)
Argh!
That was bad.
Oh! (CHUCKLING) Yeah, here it comes.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I had anticipated better weather
(INDISTINCT)
Ha-ha! Right down my neck!
Oh! It's coming back to me now.
How have I got water running down
the back of my legs
inside my boots.
(LAUGHING)
I wonder what Anthony's doing
in the workshop.
He's probably drier than us.
(ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING)
So, it's so hot here.
Could you imagine how insufferably
hotter it's in France right now?
Yeah, hugely warmer.
Bit more south.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh! Oh!
Bloody hell!
That lightning was blinding.
I don't know! Most of the storm
is in my boots and crock.
Oh, it's just all collecting
in my nether portions.
(ALL EXCLAIMING AND LAUGHING)
Oh, no!
Is everyone all right?
Oh, now, careful.
(EXCLAIMING INDISTINCTLY)
Do you need to stop, Andrew?
It'll be the rain. Hang on.
Pull in. His bike died.
Let's go under those trees
on the right.
Then if necessary, we'll
come back and get Andrew's bike.
Damp ignition on that.
It's just wet. Yeah.
Have you tried kicking it over now?
Give it a kick.
Come on, little Triumph.
Don't die on us now in the rain.
We're not going much further
in this, on those.
I'm sorry. I'd like to apologise.
I did expect
(GROANS) something better.
Yeah.
A good night's sleep,
some running repairs,
and a change of clothes,
and I am festival ready.
Right, chaps, Come on.
The bikes have dried out.
It's time to go to the festival.
Brilliant, yeah.
Well, that's what we're here to do.
See the bikes and meet our people,
and it's all waiting for us.
You've had breakfast.
I don't think I'll go.
I don't feel very clever,
to be honest.
What?
It's all this foreign food and
You're in France. We haven't
travelled Your Herefordian guts
and said, "No, I don't like it".
I'd rather have an hour
just to settle myself.
I'll be all right then. I'll be OK.
All right. Well, look.
Here's an idea.
Andy and I will go off to the
festival and have a look around
the actual biker festival bit.
Yeah. And then, this afternoon
there's a race.
Punk's Peak, it's called.
It's like a proper bikers event
up on the hill. Mountain.
So we'll all reunite for that. Yeah,
yeah. He's got to come to that.
No, no, we'll definitely get there.
Just if I go now,
it could end in tragedy.
Don't even imagine how it might end.
Let's not.
All right, well,
we'll catch up with you in a bit.
Wheels And Waves is Europe's
landmark surfing
and motorcycling festival.
I'm not much of a surfer, but if
a festival's got bikes, count me in.
Right. We're gonna
Wallet lodged firmly in pocket.
Oh, look. Oh, come on, that is fun.
It's a bit of Neil, that is.
That is, I think,
yeah that's a monkey bike.
Bit of Neil, right?
That's brilliant. He'd like that.
He could get his feet down on that.
(LAUGHS)
Well, actually, I'm feeling fine.
The boys have gone off into town.
Go off their bit of adventure.
Last night, I was talking to a chap.
Luckily for me,
he speaks fairly good English.
Lovely, lovely chap.
We got chatting, just talking
about cars. You do where we are.
And he tells me his dad's
got this car collection.
Some of them need a bit of work.
So, could be doing a bit of business
abroad. Better go and have a look.
Ooh, that's nice.
That? Yeah.
Snap your leg off. Yeah, it would
snap your leg off immediately.
I've broken my collarbone
just looking at it. (LAUGHS)
Do you want to buy
a sheepskin jacket?
Or a pair of corduroy pants?
No.
He's either enormous
or it's a small bike.
(INDISTINCT) Yes.
(LAUGHS)
Nice to see you again.
Ah. Nice to see you here. You OK?
Neil, Romaric told me about you.
Hello, Hubert. Nice to meet you.
Bonjour.
Nice to meet you.
Lovely place you've got here.
Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful.
You lead on.
I can't wait to have a look.
OK, we lead. OK, with pleasure.
Oh, I recognise this.
That's a bit of Britishness there.
Original condition, original paint.
Original problems.
(LAUGHS) What's under there?
Ah.
Maserati?
Yeah.
Ghibli?
Oui.
Beautiful.
Here we got the
Ah, ah! Ferrari. The GT4. Yeah.
Hm. But just metal. The inside.
Not with brand new upholstery.
Ah, it's beautiful.
It's like fine wine.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
Mixing with all the cool kids
at the festival
has given me an idea.
Yeah. Yeah!
If I'm going to have
a midlife crisis,
I might as well go the whole hog.
OK, on the You come in here.
Your bed of death.
A sure sign of a midlife crisis
is tattoos
motorbikes
Marlon Brando leather jacket.
(LAUGHS SILENTLY)
We had a good five-minute
conversation about design.
I had to incorporate the logo,
which he has.
Ow.
Yeah. The business is founded
on something I love.
Machinery, cars, motorcycles
and they're based on cogs.
So yeah, it's part of me,
literally is part of me now.
So that looks a bit,
er, a bit sleek.
Yeah. What do you think
there is underneath?
Come see.
Oh.
Oh, a Lamborghini.
This is a first series Espada.
OK.
That is a nice car.
What did Ferruccio Lamborghini say?
He said you bought a Ferrari
when you want to be somebody.
You buy a Lamborghini
when you are somebody.
(LAUGHTER)
I would like to sit in it.
Yes, do. Please do.
This is a moment to savour.
I'm almost Ferruccio Lamborghini
at the moment.
What a nice place to be.
Oh, it gets sore
when he goes over to the outside.
Does it really?
(WINCING) (LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING) This is
the centre of The Little Cog
Swear to God, he's sewing my arm
to the table. (CHUCKLING) Argh!
Give us your hand.
You'll be all right, mate.
Ooh, that's quite a tight grip.
It looks like you're giving birth.
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
Sorry.
Don't make me look.
Maybe it's gonna be all right.
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHING)
Don't. Stop it.
(LAUGHING)
(WHINING INDISTINCTLY)
I won't look at you. (LAUGHS)
If I take a few photographs
and then I can go back
and see Richard
and we can work you out a price.
That's Espada at the end.
What a thing of beauty.
Everything about it is just
screaming, "Paint me, paint me",
and I can't wait
to go back to Richard,
and show him the picture and say,
"Look, we've got this job".
Can I have a look?
Oh, I like it. It's good. Thank you.
Eventually, I might have
the little cog made gold.
Yeah, yeah. Like our logo.
That was an interesting diversion.
Well done. You were very brave.
Agony. Thank you.
I was crying inside the whole time.
You dropped a tear.
I know. There was a tear.
(BOTH LAUGHING) I know.
We've got to go, haven't we?
Yeah. We are on a schedule.
Rolling Thunder. I am hoping
that noise behind me is Neil's bike,
not his dodgy tummy.
Reunited, the three of us
are heading south
to the festival's legendary hill
climb at Punk's Peak.
Oh, look, look, look.
We're through this, lads.
On a Triumph. (LAUGHTER) Yeah!
Time to reclaim my dignity.
I'll be racing Andrew
in a knockout event,
in a field of more than 100 festival
goers from across the globe.
Thank you. 45. That'll be me.
Yep. I'll accept that.
You're on the new one,
and never ridden it?
I've never I've sat on it once.
(LAUGHS)
The chaps at Royal Enfield
have lent us
one of their new Interceptors
for Andrew to race.
Let's not crash them.
Can't crash them. No.
Royal Enfield have paid us
to restore the bike.
They want us to make it look good
and arrive in one piece.
So when you're on the start line
and I gently pull away from you,
you're not gonna chase me at all?
So then when you pull away from me,
I'm not going to chase you? Yeah
Let's both pact, we don't break
the bikes. OK, won't break bikes.
Richard has text me,
"Let's not go mad
"cos we don't wanna
crash Enfield's bikes".
But once you get to that start line,
your brain changes
and you think, "I'm having a go".
And I can't be beaten
by Richard Hammond.
I was gonna go berserk,
but I'm not gonna be drawn into it.
I'm riding sensibly.
I'm not gonna bend that bike.
After being to all the trouble
to restore and get it here.
The trouble is with this lot,
is that, just look around you,
you can smell the testosterone
in the air.
Getting real close now.
I can feel the butterflies
coming out. (LAUGHS)
Andrew's pretty experienced
on motorbikes.
I think he'd be OK, but I wouldn't
want to see anything go wrong.
Are you ready then, big fella?
MAN: Don't cross the lanes!
Don't cross the sides? OK.
This on the helmet.
Oh, so like that?
Yeah?
Your hand. Your helmet.
All right. Ah!
So then we're going to
get it in gear and go.
That's cruel. That is cruel.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Terrible.
Oh, no.
So who'll come in the corner first?
Who will be overconfident?
Will the testosterone get flowing,
the adrenaline get flowing?
Terrible.
Oh, no.
(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Er Ready?
Yeah.
(STARTER PISTOL FIRES)
Shit!
(LAUGHS) Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Remember to brake after the finish.
(LAUGHS)
I did remember to slow down.
(LAUGHS)
It was close.
It was close.
Well, I'd love to think it was.
You had me on the start.
I did have you on the start.
There's no doubt about that.
So I did get off the line first,
but then he just disappeared.
The problem is, now you see,
I am now gonna listen
to endless hours of,
"Oh, I leant into this corner.
I could do this.
"If I'd have just throttled.
I had to touch my hand
on my head. La-la-la".
And I just go, "Oh" and "Oh".
Yeah.
I'm just oozing testos
Don't stand too much closer,
you'll get pregnant.
(LAUGHS)
I wanna do it again. I could do it
all day. It's fantastic.
I think we have sort of reconnected
with ourselves a little bit.
Me, Andrew and Neil.
But I've always likened it to,
there is a version of me, aged 17,
always on a motorcycle.
That's striking, and that's
the 17-year-old you inside.
So I think we've reconnected
with that. With our youths a bit.
All we have to do now
is deliver the bike, in person,
to the guys from Royal Enfield.
All right, well then, everybody.
I think it's down that way.
It's not.
Oh, there's Royal Enfield.
Look, there. Where? There.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Keep your eyes peeled for Steve.
He'll be around. There he is.
There's Steve. Hello, mate!
Thank you.
Where do you want this?
In there. I probably can do it.
Go on! You can do it.
Oh, this is the moment. This is
Don't fall off it. Do not fall off.
(LAUGHS) Do not.
Don't fall off it, mate.
Hey!
Yeah. (CHUCKLING)
Gentlemen! Very nice to see you.
Good to see you, sir.
This is Gordon.
Gentlemen. How are you, sir?
Great job.
Nice to see you. Thank you, mate.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
This is all now
whether it passes
Gordon's inspection.
Does it pass muster, Gordon?
GORDON: Yeah.
Look at that, Gordon.
(LAUGHTER) Oh, what, where? Bike's
over there. Let's have a look.
Engine cases
have come out beautifully.
I'm sorry about the thing.
Well, they did, they did, obviously.
They will again. It's just
a rag now. It's all you need.
Carburettors? You clean those?
Yeah, bit of ultrasonic action.
I don't know how you've managed
to restore the air box
cos that was severely
battered when you had it.
But that's beautiful.
And I love the patina
you've kept on the tank.
It looks Exactly. It's,
you know, it's not overdone. No.
And I love the details
that you've kept. So new cables,
but you've kept original fittings,
which is a beautiful touch.
It's gorgeous.
Good.
It isn't dripping oil.
That was already there.
Yeah, that was there.
Just so you know.
NEIL: That's not oil that's
enthusiasm. Yeah, that's what it is.
I'm delighted looking at it.
You've done an absolutely
superb job of it. Thank you.
It's exactly what we hoped for.
And more. And more.
Has to be said.
Yeah. And more.
Would you guys mind
if I borrowed you for a bit
to do a little photo shoot?
Oh, I would do that. Yeah. We could.
Where you want to do it?
Let's get on the beach
and have fun.
All right, we'll do that.
Do we look cool?
(CHUCKLING)
You sure we look cool?
NEIL: Yeah, we look cool.
You look quite cool. That's good.
It was always obvious
that this trip was about
more than just
dropping the bike off.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Right, let's get
you all behind the bike.
Behind the bike?
Yeah. I feel like
we need a surfboard.
What are we going to do with
a surfboard? Hold it there.
(LAUGHTER)
But it was also
more than just a laugh
cos, er
the three of us don't get to
do things like that
very often, actually.
I know, yeah, you think I do
cos I do them on TV.
But this is different.
Andy, why don't you stand
further and hold the board?
What, I get the surfboard?
Yeah. Just look confident.
Yeah, but criticised,
midlife crisis.
Yeah, whatever. It's not a crisis.
I'm not fighting there.
"Oh, no. I'm middle aged".
I know it's been coming on
for a while.
Celebration.
It's embracing it. Own it.
Cool? Yeah, beautiful.
Right. We are cool, everybody.
I've got something to show you.
When you were off gallivanting
You were home with
the poorly guts. Poorly guts.
Well, yeah, I didn't feel very well,
admittedly, but I did recover.
See if you recognise this?
Hm.
Lambo.
Lamborghini Espada. Espada.
Ooh! Look,
that's the original interior.
Yep, and it is original. Absolutely.
Oh, my word.
Gets better. We can They want
that Maserati Ghibli repairing.
And they want that Lamborghini
Espada stripping to bare metal
and re-spraying, and
they are willing to bring it to us.
Hm. Hey?
Seriously.
Spot on.
See?
It's good to have a bad belly.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cheers. Cheers. Mm-hm.
Let's have tomorrow off.
Should we? Yeah.
Thank you very much.
We took our time getting here.
Think that's Punk's Peak over there?
Quite Steep. Looks like a volcano