Rosehaven (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

1 [YAWNS.]
- Ahh! - Ready? Yep.
So ready.
So excited.
Pumped.
- To fix a fence? - Yeah.
I can't wait.
I love being up this early, and not just so I can enjoy going back to sleep.
You know, just actually getting up and doing something with the time.
Yep.
And this way, we can spend even more of Valentine's Day together.
Is it Valentine's Day? I don't really buy into that stuff.
Yeah.
Me neither.
- It's just another day.
- Mmm.
Another great day on the land.
Look at this.
Good, right? Is there a particular type of straw that's the best for hanging out of your mouth? Sorry, what are we doing? Um some dropkick busted the fence, so we've got to re-tension the wire.
Oh, cool.
I know how to do that.
But, um, if you could explain it, just for people that don't know.
What people? Possums.
OK, possum.
- You want to grab me the tensioner? - Yes! Nah.
Look, I might just do it myself.
It might be a bit easier.
No offence, it just might be a bit quicker.
Oh, OK.
Cool.
Right, well, you handle this bit, and I'll get onto some weeding.
That's better.
Look at us.
Two peas in a pod.
[SPITS.]
You right? Is there a lot of kangaroos around here? Yeah.
Eugh! [COUGHS, SPLUTTERS.]
Yeah, we know Even if we had so far to go Even if the pace is slow Well, I'll be coming home to you again If we find Something to feel that we belong If we could right all the wrongs Well, I'll be coming home to you again.
[SHOP BELL RINGS.]
[SNORES SOFTLY.]
Em? Morning Ow! Jesus! Oh, hey, mate.
- What time is it? - 8:30.
[YAWNS.]
What time did you come in this morning? - Seven.
- That's a record.
I got up to help Dan with a fence, and then he dropped me off on his way to deliver some wood.
Which I helped him chop last night, by the way.
Guess how many spiders live in wood.
- How many? - All of them.
I was really cool with it, though.
I only cried twice.
Yeah, are you sure farm life's for you? What? I love it.
Tensioning fences.
Saying stuff like, "Get out of it.
" Fair enough.
You should have seen me leaning on a post this morning.
Real casual.
Like I hadn't even thought about doing it.
- Sorry I missed it.
- Mmm.
- Morning.
- Morning, Greg.
Morning.
Is, uh, Barbara in? Uh, not yet, but she's never too far away.
Oh, all good.
I just wanted to drop this off for her.
She mentioned that she was gonna buy a dishwasher.
I had one installed, so I thought I'd drop off a list of the ones I'd read were best value for money.
- Right.
- Oh.
That's very kind of you.
Just thought it would save her some time.
No big deal.
[CHUCKLES.]
And I was in the area.
Well, pretty close.
Uh, we'll pass it on.
Thanks, Greg.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh [COUGHS.]
uh Do you happen to know if Barbara's got any plans for tonight? What? Uh, does she have plans for Valentine's Day? Well, yes.
Uh yes.
Um work, uh uh, then evening evening plans.
Like what? Dinner with Grace and I.
You're having dinner with your mum for Valentine's Day? Yes.
Right.
Well, uh never mind.
I'll get going.
Yeah, we should get back to it.
Thanks, Greg.
[SHOP BELL CHIMES.]
Oh, God! Why did you shut that down? He was thinking of asking her out! Maybe he was just making conversation.
Well, I used to think you've got to let people live their own lives, but, no, people need me to come in - Please don't.
No! - and match-make! Barbara is not just your mum, you know.
She is also a beautiful woman, with needs, who deserves love.
Mum's fine.
She's got work.
It just makes you feel a bit icky to think about your mum having a bit of a kiss.
- Oh, come on! - What's the problem? You don't live with her anymore.
I'm the one that'll have to put up with the bedroom noises Ohh! Stop! Stop.
Pull your head off and put it in a bin.
Let's not give Mum the printouts.
Oh, so she doesn't get love or a bargain on a dishwasher? She'd already have one in mind.
- Mum! [GRUNTS.]
- Hi, Barbara.
Morning.
Um Greg brought these in for you.
Thought he might help you decide on a dishwasher.
Oh, right.
I've already got one in mind.
It was nice of him, though.
He's nice.
Hmm? Yeah.
Have either of you got any inspections scheduled today? - Uh-uh.
- No.
Good.
Let's go for a walk.
Mum, are you gonna tell us where we're headed? - Oh, great.
Now I've lost count.
- What? Steps.
My Fitbit's broken.
- We're going to Dorothy's.
- The clothing shop? Yeah.
She was behind on the rent and deserted the place.
The removalists and cleaners are coming tomorrow.
I want to get rid of the stock first.
So we're getting a bunch of free clothes? I'm gonna put together a new look for the new farm me.
I need outfits suitable for crouching and lifting and being outside.
No, I want you to sell what you can.
Get back some of the lost rental income.
What? Mum, this isn't in my job description.
Now it is.
Maybe you'll be better at selling clothes than you are houses.
- Is that necessary? - We will not let you down.
So, is Mrs.
Marsh on her own today? I'm just gonna let you in.
You're on your own.
Well, what's our commission on the clothes we sell? - Zero dollars.
- Seems fair.
[SHOP BELL JINGLES.]
Wow! Look at it all! How are we supposed to get rid of all this stuff? By sharing our passion for fashion with everyone that walks through that door.
I have no passion for fashion.
Speaking of passion, let's brainstorm ways to get Greg and Barbara Ohh! No.
No, no.
No, thank you.
No.
No.
Greg's the nicest man ever.
He's like if Santa Claus joined the police force.
You can turn over the open sign if you like.
You're lucky I've always wanted to do that.
And we're open! Now what? Um you can go outside and do an impression of an inflatable tube person? Show me what they look like and I'll do it.
You know what they look like.
Just go for it.
Right.
We both do an impression of an inflatable tube person on three.
- Ready? One, two, three.
- Two, three.
I knew you weren't gonna do it.
Excuse me? What can you tell me about this blouse? Uh, it's blue.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is so stupid.
Let's just tell everyone that everything looks good on them until we get rid of this stuff.
As your manager, I forbid you to lie to our customers.
As your manager, I am instructing you to lie to our customers.
If someone says, "I want to see the manager," just send them to me.
I'll tell them, "You're speaking to the manager.
" I just told you not to lie to our customers.
[CURTAIN OPENS.]
- Oh, those look great on you.
- You think? Yeah.
And bright pants are great for crossing the street at night.
It's for a date.
Well, lucky for you the pants have pockets for condoms.
I'm sorry, Frank.
So, I'm just gonna have a little encouraging chat to Greg.
Please don't.
Mum wouldn't be interested in Greg.
They're completely different.
That's why it could work.
Like me and Farmer Dan.
We are completely different on paper.
He's reliable, he's healthy, he's strong, and I'm not.
If Mum liked Greg, she would have already asked him out.
Maybe I should have a chat with her too.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- No? - Oh, not you, Frank.
Those pants are Hmm.
Try a jumper with it.
Right, you're being a bit of a baby about this and I know you're not one, so is all of this because Greg is Bruce's dad? Greg didn't bully you.
His son did.
It's not Greg's fault.
Yeah, but did Greg ever tell off Bruce for bullying me growing up? He told him off heaps of times, didn't he? - Yeah, but it didn't do anything.
- [CURTAIN OPENS.]
Oh! Very nice.
It's not even Christmas.
Yeah, but it's a statement.
Uh, "Every day is Christmas with Frank.
" It's Valentine's Day.
Just get into the spirit.
Please promise me you won't say anything to Greg.
Alright, fine.
I won't say anything.
For now.
But you can't stand in the way of true love forever.
I can try.
Where are you going? As your manager, I don't have to tell you.
As your manager, I am allowing you to leave.
- Goodbye, employee! - Stop talking to yourself! Hang on.
Just slow down, Danny.
OK.
It's Valentine's Day Oh, did Emma send you? I thought this would happen.
Just tell her I've got plans, but, you know, let her down easy.
- No, no, it's not that.
- Tell her I'm at the gym.
No.
Em thinks that your dad and my mum should go on a date for Valentine's Day.
- Good idea.
- What? Yeah, I mean, living with Dad, I can tell he's lonely.
Maybe he just needs to get back out there.
No, no, this is a terrible idea.
It could really cheer him up.
OK.
Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly.
- Your dad - Yeah? - and my mum - Gotcha.
- dating.
- Brilliant.
- No! - I'm really glad you came over.
I never would have thought of that.
I mean, it seems obvious now.
He's always had a a thing for her.
How are you OK with this?! He's a man who deserves love.
Hey, maybe you could have a chat with him.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Well, he's shy.
You tell him it's a good idea, maybe he'll ask her out.
You want me to help make this happen? Yeah.
I mean, I don't want to talk to him about dating.
- He's my dad.
Gross.
- I'm not doing it.
Come on! He totally likes her.
MADDRICK: Deserves a bit of love, Greg.
- He's a top-quality bloke.
- Thanks, mate.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, OK? He can date any fish he likes as long as that fish hasn't given birth to me.
- I think that's fair.
- Come on, just have a chat with him.
Or I could talk to your Mum.
Oh, ugh! God, no! No, no, no.
No, no.
Just forget I ever came over.
I could talk to both of them.
Neutral party.
No! No! WOMAN: They look a bit small in the waist there Hi, Greg.
What are you doing here? Some shopping? No.
I asked if he could come down and do security for us today.
- Did you? - Yep.
Well, Greg, I'm sure you've got more important things to do No, happy to do it.
Course, I'll have to run off if somebody reports a crime.
But that hardly ever happens, and I've got no plans.
Hey, Greg, do you want to check the perimeter or something? Good idea.
What is he doing here? You promised! Yeah.
I haven't said anything to him about anything.
There were some kids in here in hoodies and low pants and bandannas and shoulder pads - Shoulder pads? - and I thought we were gonna get robbed, so I asked him to come down.
But it looks like they've gone now, so why don't you have a chat with him? Just hang out.
I know what you're trying to do, and no, I am too busy selling clothes.
Hi, sir.
Um, can I interest you in some woollen shorts? Hey, darling.
You didn't want to come in? I can get you a discount.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nah, I was on my way through.
I've got a lot on today.
Oh.
OK.
Um, you must have left this at my place last night.
- My jaffle maker? - Yeah.
I thought you must have left it there by accident.
Oh, no, no accident.
I thought I'd leave it at yours 'cause I've got another one at my place, and then that way, we're never caught out without a jaffle maker if we want to make a jaffle.
Right.
Don't you think this is moving a bit fast? No.
I just think, what's the point of going slow if we know where we're heading? Well, I don't really know where we're heading.
Yeah, but OK.
Uh, I'll keep my jaffles to myself for a bit and, um, we'll just go where the breeze takes us, you know? - OK.
Yep.
- Breezy.
Uh why don't we go for a drink at the pub tonight? Not because it's Valentine's Day, right? No.
I'd forgotten it was, really.
OK, well, I'll meet you there for one off the wood.
Sure.
Uh, that means a drink, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- DANIEL: Em? - Yeah.
Hey, uh, can you come back in, please? [PANTS.]
- Uh, hey, mate.
- Dan.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Um A lady asked me what size I thought she'd be, and I didn't want to guess because I didn't want to insult her, and then she got angry at me because she thought that I thought that she was shallow and it just turned into a really big deal, so if you could just come back in whenever you're ready.
- Well, I'm leaving anyway.
- OK.
Um, bye, mate.
[PANTS.]
I'll see you later.
Uh, yeah.
Bye, darling.
Oh.
[STARTS ENGINE.]
Why are you, um, holding a jaffle maker? Oh, it's a present from my boyfriend.
You OK? Yeah.
It's just you said you weren't interested in Dan and then you got sick and worried you'd be alone forever, and now you're dating him.
People change their mind.
He's great.
We're gonna survive so much longer than you and Grace in the apocalypse.
Well, I mean, Grace is a doctor.
We'd smash you guys in the apocalypse.
Pfft! He can make shelter.
Have fun with all your medicine out in the open.
We will, while you die of disease.
Uh, diseases will take way longer to kill us than all of the wild animals that you guys can't fight.
Pfft! Quitting time.
How'd you do? I sold one T-shirt.
And the guy already wanted it.
I just took his money.
- OK.
- That's it.
Well, you sell houses for a living, not clothes, so it doesn't matter anyway.
Yeah, but I've hardly sold any houses, and the ones I have, I wouldn't have sold without your help.
That's fine.
We're a team.
I'm starting to think I'm the weak link.
That's not true.
Mum thinks so.
Hear the little dig she had at me this morning? "Hope you're better at selling clothes than houses"? Well, it turns out I'm not good at either.
Uh, do you want me to hang around while you close up? No, we're fine, thanks, Greg.
Yeah.
Uh, look, sorry to eavesdrop.
I mean, I know you had a hard time on the floor today.
But I know Barbara's proud of you.
She wouldn't let you work for her if she didn't think you could hack it.
Bruce never listened to me when he was growing up.
He still doesn't.
But you listen.
And you try.
And that's all a parent can ask for.
Greg? Were you thinking of asking my mum on a date? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, well Because if you were you have my support.
Well, thanks, Daniel.
That means a lot.
And, uh she's not going to dinner with Grace and I.
I'm pretty sure she's free.
Oh.
So, uh, what do I say? [GASPS.]
Oh, my God! First of all, we are going to put together an awesome outfit for you, then you are gonna walk into the office confidently and just see if she's free for dinner tonight.
Simple as that.
- OK.
- Great.
Let's get some clothes! And, Greg, if you do start dating my mum, I would like to be immune to speeding tickets forever.
Nuh.
DAVE: Who was it this year, Phil? Sandra.
You wouldn't know her.
She's just rung.
The goats are acting up.
She's not coming.
- Can I have a dirty martini? - You can have one beer.
- Alright, a pint.
Thanks.
- A pot.
How's it going? Barbara just smiled at something Greg said.
Now she's saying something.
Do they look in love? It's a little too early to tell.
- She just smiled again.
- Oh, God.
Told me I had a cracked cylinder head.
I said, "You can tell me what you want.
"I'll believe it when I see it.
" Yeah, no.
Fair enough.
How did you enjoy being a security officer for a day? I didn't mind it, actually.
I got to look in a lot of people's bags.
See anything interesting? One person had a tiny spoodle.
A what? It's one of those mixed poodle breeds.
I've seen them around, but I didn't expect to see one in a bag.
Actually, I think it wet itself.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah, it smelt quite off.
Sorry.
Oh, don't be.
If I saw a dog in a bag that had wet itself, I'd talk about it too.
Huh.
Yeah, if the rain holds off, I reckon I'll get it done.
Maybe put up the second shed.
Or redo the tiles.
And then, uh, maybe get started on the guest bedroom.
Oh, for me? No, for guests.
Oh, course.
Uh, but at some point, we should start talking about us living together, right? Didn't we talk about it moving a bit fast? Anyway, why would you be staying in the guest bedroom if we were living together? Oh, yeah.
That'd be dumb.
And I mean, not right away, but eventually.
You know, I'll get used to the hat hair and figure out tensioners and stuff, and we'll eat vegetables and probably grow the vegetables Yeah, listen [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, but I'm breezy.
Let's talk about something else.
Oh! I have to go to the toilet.
Uh [CLEARS THROAT.]
Sorry I'm so distracted tonight.
I understand.
Valentine's Day shouldn't be about Mum.
Hold on.
Uh, Barbara's gone.
[GASPS.]
Hi! Oh! This is the best timing ever.
Uh, how is your night going? - Good.
- Yeah? What else about it? Schnitzel was a bit dry.
- Right, but - How's your night? You're here with your boyfriend.
Yeah.
It's, uh it's great.
It's really fun.
Seems a serious fellow.
Does he talk much? Yeah, we talk about heaps of stuff.
You know, we talk about what we're gonna do.
And what we have done.
And what we see around.
Sounds fun.
- Can I tell you a secret? - Sure.
It's not good.
We don't really have anything in common.
But it's fine.
He could be worse.
Right.
And I like him fine, and I probably will like him more eventually.
He's perfect on paper.
Perfect for you? Well, perfection is impossible.
Except for David Tennant.
Is he even close? I don't think so.
Well - Wash your hands.
- Yeah, I was going to! OK, I don't want you to panic, but Barbara's really leaving this time, not toilet-related.
- [SIGHS.]
- [GREG CHUCKLES.]
Oh, they're leaving together! [GROANS.]
Oh, God! You're OK.
Greg's a good guy, remember? You're right.
Distract me.
There's a mole on your left ear that I'm worried about.
- Really?! - No.
But did that work? Yes.
Too well.
Are you seeing this? Yeah.
Are you mad? I'm not overjoyed, but Greg's a good guy.
Dad told me what you said.
That was a cool thing to do.
Thanks.
Truce? Truce.
Mate, seriously, you've got to get it.
I don't know.
I'm hopeless at shooting games.
Doesn't matter.
You can play with Maddrick and me.
Not gonna lie, we will be using you mostly as bait to lure out other players so we can take them out.
Fine with me.
- Can I sit with you? - Sure.
Are you guys friends now? Possibly brothers.
Well, jumping ahead, but he thinks I'm cool.
- Well, I said you did a cool thing.
- Same thing.
Right, well, I broke up with Dan.
Are you OK? It was the right thing to do.
So, obviously it sucked.
But yeah.
I broke up with the last eligible bachelor in Rosehaven.
Don't even, Bruce.
For the last time, I'm not in love with you, so shut your goddamn facehole.
It's OK.
You're hurting.
So, unless someone else moves here, I'm single forever.
I think I'll get a puppy.
- Or a sex robot.
- Two very different roads.
Oh.
Greg's back.
That was quick.
- Yuck! - Oh, gross, Em! Thanks, Dave.
I'll have one too, thanks, Dave.
Um Greg, you don't have to say, but how was the date? Oh, it wasn't a date.
She said yes to dinner, but only as a friend.
Oh, I'm I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no.
I'm fine.
Really.
Barbara called me a "true friend" today, and I feel really honoured.
Oh, I dropped her home, came back for a nightcap.
You want to join me for a drink, Bruce? Yep.
Yep.
One sec.
I'm gonna get you for this.
- What? - He's heartbroken! Did you hear what he just said? He said he's fine.
He's happy.
What, your mum thinks she's better than my dad? Is that it? - No.
- You know what I think? I think you set Dad up to fail.
Break his heart.
You just made this personal.
What do you mean, I made it personal? So when you teased me at school, was it business or something? Yeah, keep talking, mate.
Maybe I'll give you something to talk about.
- Stop that.
- Nuh.
You're just making a mess for the bar staff.
You're punishing them, not me.
Oh, yeah? Then you won't mind if I keep doing it.
- Wh No, stop that.
That's mine.
- No.
- [CALLS OUT.]
Are you coming, Bruce? - Yep, coming! Jesus, Daniel! It was Bruce! Bruce did it! I did some of it, but he started it.
Clean it up! I have a block of land I'm looking to sell.
Do you mind if I take the lead on this one? I called your mum's sister.
- The liar who lied to me? - She's a liar with money.
- But it's a big decision.
- It's a huge decision.
It could be a good thing for them to heal.
Be sisters again.
Oh, God.
Barbara's here.
I've had a look at it, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Me too.
I'm telling you, being alone is an advantage.
No distractions, no-one slowing me down.
No, no.
The only way you're gonna survive is if you join Grace and I.
You'd be more than welcome.
That's very kind, but there's no need.
By the time the apocalypse comes, I will have trained a wolf to protect me.
Oh, OK, so this wolf's gonna find shelter and treat your wounds? - Yeah.
It's trained.
- Oh, my God.