Slings and Arrows s03e06 Episode Script

[click.]
Vicky, grant demson speaking.
File number f/45786/v, New burbage festival claim for $2,170,000.
Uh, name and title.
Geoffrey tennant, artistic director.
Mr.
Tennant, when did you first realize That your leading actor, charles kingman, was dying? When he shot up with heroin in front of me.
Well, you knew that he'd been given just 3 months to live? Yes.
But his contract was for 9 months.
Yeah.
That's standard.
Mr.
Kingman collapsed how many times During this process? 3 times in rehearsal, And he collapsed on both opening nights.
Richard: I thought he was drunk.
Sorry.
Um Hi, vicky.
Richard smith-jones here, Executive director.
I thought it was a conflict with his meds.
Ah, please.
How much time elapsed Between your learning of mr.
Kingman's condition And mr.
Smith-jones' discovery of the same? 2 weeks.
2 weeks? 2 weeks that you withheld information? I'm sorry, richard.
I couldn't tell you.
I know you think I betrayed you, But I couldn't break a promise to a dying man.
[crying.]
UhThat's, um That's enough.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can you Is there any justification for doing what you did? I believed that charles kingman Would deliver one of the greatest lears ever.
We're done.
Pending review, Mr.
Smith-jones, it appears That your claim is valid.
While your management and awareness Did not reach the threshold of negligence, They certainly are UmFucked.
We will pay in full With the proviso that miss conroy is suitably reprimanded And mr.
Tennant signs this.
What is that? That is mr.
Tennant's letter of resignation.
acorn media Goddamn that asshole! Did you see me? I nearly punched him in his fucking face! Give me the letter, richard.
What are you doing? No.
I have to show this to the board first.
Why? They're just going to tell you to fire me anyway.
Well, yeah, Because it's cheaper than letting you resign.
But wait.
They do not tell me what to do.
Give me the letter, richard.
Don't you dare! Geoffrey, come on.
You cannot resign.
Now, just take a couple of days.
Cool off, you know.
This is fucking bullshit! He's right.
It's fucking bullshit.
Oh, would you both stop being so upset for me? It's very Upsetting.
No! All right.
But it's bullshit.
I think you should take a couple of minutes And really think about that geoffrey.
Don't sign that letter, geoffrey.
Don't sign that letter.
Please.
Fucking bullshit going on! Running away.
It's what you always do.
Don't you think, for once in your life, You should stay and fight? Don't bother.
Geoffrey, please.
This is your home.
It's your family.
Please, don't leave me alone.
Oliver, wherever it is that i'm going, Please--and I do underscore "please"-- Don't be there.
Anna, can you give this to richard? You're not going to say good-bye? I amTo you.
And i'm sorry I got you into this.
No.
Don't.
What do you think granny conroy would say? She would say No pasaran.
No pasaran.
What does that mean? It means "never surrender.
" [chuckling.]
Anna [sighs.]
You I will miss.
Me, too.
Good-bye, geoffrey.
[ahem.]
Adios.
[ahem.]
Puro gordo.
He's gone.
Your bags are blocking my way.
I've got a cab coming.
I've got a cab coming, And like hell if i'm going to let you leave first! Ellen, there are breakables.
You know, there were good actresses Up for this role, Better actresses, Actresses who spent their lives working in the theater.
I've been acting just as long as you.
What you do is not acting.
You put on a lizard queen's costume and gesticulate.
You star in plays by dead men For no money or audience.
You told richard that charles was dying.
That was a betrayal.
I'd do it again.
You are a shallow, vain, selfish bitch.
I came here for one reason-- You don't think of anyone but yourself! One reason--to spend a season with you.
And frankly, I don't think It was worth the price.
What price? Our friendship.
[horn honks.]
Oh.
There's my cab.
Come on, ell-- Silence! This is my house, And I am going to have the last word.
Uh, geoffrey We're still waiting on barbara and ellen, And you should know that jerry Jesus.
What happened to you? Bar fight.
But he wants you to know that If you need him to go on for charles, He's there for you.
Well, um[ahem.]
The first thing you should know Is that our production is cancelled.
UmCharles is still in the hospital, And it doesn't appear as if he's ever going to get out.
He has cancer.
I, uhI made a judgment call In keeping his condition a secret, And for that, as artistic director Of the new burbage theatre festival, As of today I'll be stepping down.
What did he say? He's leaving.
No.
Frank? I've given my whole life to this place.
I've been here ever since it was under a tent.
I've played every duke, lord, and first messenger, Every one in the canon.
Now finally, after all that, This year i've made it to broadway.
Sean penn finally got to see our shakespeare, Thanks to you.
Thanks to you.
Yes.
You can't leave.
Well, um I'm sorry.
I am.
Best of luck with what's left of your lives.
Well, I guess You're all released.
Hi.
Hi.
Woman on speaker: Dr.
Murphy, please call obstetrics.
Dr.
Murphy, obstetrics.
I thought you might turn up.
Jesus.
Wait.
Why Why are you dressed? Some sort of remission.
Not a long one.
We don't have another opening night tonight, do we? No.
No.
No.
The "lear" is cancelled, And, uhAnd I have been fired.
Oh.
So we're both unemployed? Yeah.
Want to go bowling? Ah! Four-banger! Having fun? Oh, yeah.
Getting my ass kicked.
I love it.
What else have you got to do? I could be sifting through my job offers.
Seriously? No.
I'm never going to work again.
Ha! Ha ha! Bedposts.
Excuse me? A one and five split-- Nearly impossible to make.
Then there's no point in finishing the game, is there? Oh, you still have a chance.
The trick is you've got to spin the ball Along the edge of the gutter.
Aha.
Easy.
Shaketh all cares and business From our age, Conferring them on younger strengths, While we, unburdened, Crawl towards death.
But he doesn't mean it, of course.
He doesn't really think he's going to die.
No one does.
I don't.
That's the real insanity of it.
Geoffrey I want to do "lear" again, All the way through this time.
Sure, but first I I got to make this shot.
I don't like emergency meetings, richard.
My marriage is ending.
I am so, so sorry.
Emergency meetings mean time away From screwing my girlfriend.
What are you waving around in my face? It's geoffrey tennant's letter of resignation.
Really? So he's out? He's gone? Yes, but the integrity that he brought To this festival over the last 2 1/2 years-- Sweet.
Richard, shut the fuck up.
Will be imprinted on all of us.
Oh, this is good news, huh? I mean, you play your cards right, You got a job for life.
You think I could be artistic director? What? Ha ha.
No, you idiot.
What, you direct one musical, You fucking think you're harold prince? Huh? Then what are you saying? Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna go in there, And you're gonna tell them We're striking a search committee.
Oh, and i'd be on it? No.
You'd be the search committee.
You don't have to be artistic director Around here to be king, and we don't want Another geoffrey tennant In the way.
You follow me? I follow.
Good man.
Now, come on.
Stand straight and remember, they're all old.
So don't mumble when you read tennant's letter.
This is your shot.
So don't blow it Big dick.
[exhales.]
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming.
I have some news.
Charles We can't do this.
We have no venue.
We have no set.
We have no costumes.
We have no props.
We have no cast.
Let's not forget that.
And if any of them showed up, They'd be blackballed by the festival.
And to top it off, You have not made it through this play, Not once, not even close.
What makes you think you can do it now? Me.
Well, we've never had a play in there before, But I could show you the space.
We justWe use it for brownies.
UmAre you Are you all right? Who knows? Oh.
Ha ha.
Jesus christ.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Well, a whole bunch more resumes came in.
Oh, great.
More artistic visionaries.
Oh, there are some pretty impressive candidates.
Anna, they're just looking for a theater With a surplus they can piss away.
Thank you.
Richard, are weOk? Why, yeah.
Of course.
I mean, you apologized.
I accepted your apology.
We're friends.
Ok.
Ok.
Can you get me a coffee? I'm the associate Administrative director here.
Anna, i'm asking you as a friend.
Oh.
Ha.
Uh, sophie.
We should talk? There's nothing to say.
I was completely out of control.
The thing is, um I always thought that I mean, I always assumed-- Please, paul.
The whole thing is so very embarrassing.
It's just, um All I was What I was gonna say was that, uh Could you not? In fact, why don't we all go out for a drink together-- You, me, and megan? I mean, I feel like i've been pretty unfair to her.
Really? Uh, ok, sure.
We can do that.
After the musical comes down tonight, Like 10:30? That's great.
Ok.
I have a voice class.
So I guess i'll see you there.
Bye.
[door closes.]
Mr.
Waugh, thank you so much For coming in on such short notice.
Oh, really, it's my pleasure.
Richard.
You're so young.
Yes.
Well, I I started early.
How early? 17.
That's when I started My theater company.
Since then, I've traveled with 37 productions Across north america, europe.
Have you ever worked with the sierra system? UhNo, I haven't.
I have one in the theater-- A million-dollar system.
It does lights, lasers, wind, everything.
No? No, and that's cool.
But I don't really think that theater Is about technology.
I think it's about what happens right now In front of an audience.
Man: For me, richard, Theater's very nature is ephemeral, And its only reason for being is to tell us a story That we absolutely need to hear.
People are so sick of being sold to, Of being bombarded.
They want a place to go Where they can actually hear the truth.
OhThat was amazing.
[sighs.]
I took a 2-week workshop With laurie turbot at the actors incubator.
Do you know her? No, I don't know of her at all.
Oh, she's fantastic.
But she has this way of teaching.
It's called the chroma technique.
Chroma? Yeah.
Have you ever heard of it? I'm sure I haven't.
The main idea is that all emotions Are like colors.
So before you start rehearsing, You look at your script and decide what are The main emotions your character is having And what colors they are.
So, before you start rehearsing, So you can sort of attack the colors? Ok.
Right.
So, like, anger might be red, right? And sadness is, like Blue? No.
It's green, actually.
That's surprising.
Yeah.
Well, then you just play The colors you've decided on.
That's soKind of straightforward.
I wish we'd known this When we started doing "king lear," paul.
Oh, she's a totally amazing teacher.
She has all these sayings, Like, "any line can be said a thousand ways," Which totally makes sense, And "there are no small parts, only small actors.
" No small actors, only small parts? No, no small No small Parts, only small actors.
Oh, that's great.
That's good.
Isn't it? That's good.
She sounds I'll have a sea breeze.
Geoffrey: Ok.
Charles kingman, Monday night, "king lear.
" Are you in? Charles? But isn't he-- No, no, no.
He had a reprieve.
In fact, we went bowling.
Oh, look, ducky, we've got jobs.
Ok, the only thing is we've got to be quiet about this.
We don't want any news of it to reach the ears Of the evil richard.
We could have some trouble with the new regime.
Maria, i'm relying upon you to reassemble the company, ok? Yeah.
Yo! You! Paul, over here! I'm pretty sure I can get everybody.
Well, everybody except Barbara and ellen.
God give me strength.
Ellen: The lifeless bodies of our science team Lie before you.
The hercalian ambassador would have you believe They were intending an invasion.
But what of the slaughtered children? Were they invaders? Were they killers bent on domination? If they were not, the ambassador is not an honorable man.
He is a murderer.
Man: And the ambassador goes for his laser.
Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Ok, the laser's knocked out of your hand.
AndCaveman! Aah! Aah! Aah! Cut it! Cut it! Cut it! Cut! Cut! Check the gate.
Fan-fucking-tastic, everybody! It's fantastic.
I love it.
It's so comfortable.
No more drafty rehearsal halls, No more chipped cups in the sink.
And everyone is so nice.
So you'reHappy? I've never been so happy.
Are you really happy? No.
Oh, i'm fucking miserable.
There's never time To talk about anything-- Not a scene, Not even a line of dialogue.
If you ask a question, They say, "oh, don't worry.
Just shoot the alien.
" I've developed a new appreciation For barbara.
Well, why don't you call her, then, and tell her that? Are you kidding? She hates me.
And after the way we left it, I hate me.
Well, how about a face-to-face, then? St.
Aiden's, Monday night One performance only, "king lear.
" That's all that charles figures He has left in him.
You two are insane.
Maybe.
So? No, I can't.
Sorry.
It's my schedule.
It's a conflict with everything.
Besides, i've given up the theater.
Well, if that is true, And if you are done with the theater, Then I have this to say to you-- Thank you, Because you are, without question, The most aggravating, self-centered, Infuriating actress I have ever had to direct.
Oh, shut up, geoffrey, and fuck off! You are also the most passionate, The most sensual, The most Heartbreaking.
All right, i'll do it.
Great.
Can you Can you call barbara? Well, after an in-depth process Of communication and consultation With and within the theater community, I am very pleased to finally be able To recommend your new artistic director.
He's a man with a long and fruitful association With the new burbage festival, A man with an impeccable international reputation.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased to give you Darren nichols! [applause.]
Thank you.
Let's talk box office.
[alarm blaring.]
Anna, what the hell is that? Calm down, richard.
Somebody left the door open in the costume shop.
Yeah.
Where are you going? Nowhere.
A play.
A play? What play? Darren nichols, richard.
Anna, get back here.
I need [alarm continues blaring.]
Hello.
Where's nahum? Ah, maria, I see you've worked your dark artistry again.
Save it, geoffrey.
It's called theft.
Do we have barbara? Oh, she should be here any minute.
Goddamn it, if I have to cancel this play one more fucking time! Ah.
Nahum.
Fantastic.
Can you get your friends there, los perdidos, Up on the stage? I need them there for the storm scene Because I lost that whole sierra thingy.
Ok, everybody, listen up.
The rule of thumb for blocking for tonight Is that if you can see an entrance here or here, Well, then the audience will be able to see you up here, And I think we should start with Well, we should just start.
Cyril and, uh And, uh Ok, where the hell is jerry? His wife says he's on his way.
Ok.
Good.
Well, all right.
No panic, then.
15 minutes, everyone.
It's just, the thing is, he has the first fucking line! I begged, geoffrey.
I left message after message after message.
Do you mean you never actually spoke to her? Oh, sweet jesus! I'm sorry i'm late.
We were stuck at la guardia for an hour.
We had the 15 5 minutes ago.
Ok, the kitchen is the dressing room.
But stay here.
The light's better.
Geoffrey, get the hell out of the women's washroom.
I'm checking on charles.
SoHow's the tv show? OhI quit.
Oh, god.
I love you, ell.
You are such a disaster.
[laughing.]
Hey, charles, just checking in.
You feeling ok? We're going to make it all the way through the play? Yeah.
Ok.
Well, we're almost at "places.
" Geoffrey I need to ask you a favor.
[indistinct conversation.]
Charles: UhExcuse me.
Um It touches me deeply to be able to do this play With such a fine professional company, Even if it's only for one night, And I just want to thank you, all of you.
Sophie, I have a few words for you.
Keep up the pace in act one, or i'll smoke you.
You're on, old man.
Yeah.
UmHi.
One teeny announcement.
Executive director richard smith-jones Wants you to know that any member Of the new burbage company Participating in this performance Will find their contracts under serious reconsideration.
[laughter.]
Stupid old fuckers.
I need the house, geoffrey.
Well, we can't start without jerry.
I've got jerry.
Where the fuck were you? At the hospital, Where they just took the stitches out of his jaw.
Oh.
You look good.
[slurring.]
i'm having a little trouble With my diction, but really i'm fine.
I thought the king had more affected The duke of albany than cornwall.
Maria: House is open, geoffrey.
Jesus! It's not like kent just comes on And moves around a couple pieces of furniture.
He's the moral center of the play! Ok.
My therapist can do it.
He addresses whole congregations.
In iambic pentameter? Ok.
Well, jerry can walk through the part.
Maria, you'll yell out his lines.
We could bump up an apprentice.
What apprentice? Look, I can't do it, ellen.
ICannot.
Ok? Sure.
Anywhere you'd like.
Program.
You're quite welcome.
I think frank and I are going to quit the theater, Start a garden shop on main street, You know, sell seeds and trowels And little concrete garden gnomes.
You know, cyril, this really is not helping.
So sorry.
Maria: Places, everyone.
Here we go.
Break a leg.
[exhales.]
You're on first.
I thought the king had more affected The duke of albany than Than Again.
It did always seem so to us, But now, in the division over the kingdom, It appears not which of the dukes he values most, For equalities being so weighed, Curiosity in neither can make choice Of either's moiety.
Do you know my son? His breeding, sir, hath been at my charge.
I have so often blushed to acknowledge him That I am brazed to it.
Maybe you can conceive me? Maybe not.
Poor cyril.
Look at him.
He's talking for two people.
But then again, you do that all the time.
Not now.
I know.
You begged me to stay away.
I thought you might need assistance.
This is not assistance.
Some year elder than this Who yet is no dearer in my account.
Um This is a nightmare.
Well, think what it must be like for charles.
If you don't get past this part, He won't even get to say his first line.
Oliver, what's my line? Big breath.
Feel your back.
I'm right here.
Now, you know this inside and out.
[clock ticking loudly.]
[inhales deeply.]
I must love you and sue to know you better.
[sighs.]
Ah, here comes the king.
Attend the lords of France and burgundy, gloucester.
I shall, my liege.
Meantime, we shall express our darker purpose.
Give me the map there.
Oh, thank god.
Now let's just pray this next exchange Doesn't blow this place up.
Sister, it's not little that I have to sayeth What most nearly concerns us both.
I think our father will hence tonight.
That's most certain, and with you, Next month with us.
[voices continue.]
The tv star is not bad, And ellen's much better since you came back.
Ok, let's talk about the next scene.
You know, kent's been banished, But he doesn't want to abandon the king.
We have to hear that in your speech.
Look, I know what the scene is about.
No, you don't.
You think it's about you.
It's not.
It's about charles.
So put your attention on him.
Protect him, serve him, keep him alive.
That's what kent would do.
A higher purpose.
And you're on.
Oh Lear: Let me not stay a jot for dinner.
Go, get it ready.
How, now.
What art thou? A man, sir, A very honest- hearted fellow, As poor as the king.
What wouldst thou? Service.
Who wouldst thou serve? You.
Dost thou know me, fellow? No, sir.
But you have that in your countenance Which I would feign call master.
What that? Authority.
Ah! Cue the bolivians.
Ohuru.
[sounds of thunder and rain.]
Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes! Spout till you have drenched our steeples, Drowned the cocks! You sulphurous and thought-executing fires! Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts! Singe my white hair! And thou all-shaking thunder, smite flat The thick rotundity of the world! Crack nature's moulds! An germens spill at once, That make ingrateful man! I've always said a tin sheet and a great actor, That's all you really need.
Bullshit.
You'd have had The sierra system going full-tilt-- Fog, thunder, lightning.
Christ, you'd have had charles Cowering in a corner chewing his hair out, And all because of your fucking head games! I resent that Deeply.
Oh, do you? Well, you're the one Who's been terrified of ever getting back on a stage.
You ruined my career, you ruined my life, And you made me cry in front of strangers! I wonder if there are still programs.
Don't you dare leave.
I've heard this monologue, And you're not doing it very well.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Now listen to me-- Isn't that your cue? All patience.
Oh, fuck! I will say nothing.
Alas, sir, are you here? Things that love the night Love not such nights as these-- The wrathful skies gallow The very wanderers of the dark And make them keep their caves.
Are you ready to poison me? Yes.
First i'll poison you, And then i'll stab myself in the heart.
[soft laughter.]
I could have done this all summer, you know.
Me, too.
O my dear father, Restoration hang my medicine on my lips.
And let this kiss repair those violent harms That my two sister have in thy reverence made.
Lovely, isn't she? Was this a face to be opposed Against the warring winds, To stand against the deep dread-bolted thunder In the most terrible And nimble stroke of quick, cross lightning? Mine enemy's dog, though he had bitten me, Should have stood that night against my fire.
Whatever you do-- What now? What else am I being blamed for? Your erectile dysfunction? Your credit rating? Oh, for god's sakes.
Listen to you.
You sound like a drama queen.
Me? That's the pot calling the kettle-- Shh, shh, shh! Lear: And upwards not an hour more or less.
And to deal plainly, I feel i'm not in my perfect mind.
Do not laugh at me.
For as I am a man, I think this child To be my daughter Cordelia.
Listen to that.
Charles is like Breaks your fucking heart.
Cordelia: Will it please your highness What are we doing here, You and I? Lear: You must bear with me Putting on a play.
Ha.
We're putting on a play.
Lear: I'm old This isn't about us, is it? And foolish No.
It never was.
Come.
Let's away to prison.
Geoffrey, I think i'm gonna go.
What? Now? I know, usually I go to the party, And after 12 drinks, Try to try to pick up the bartender, But I think i've done everything I can here.
So, umGood-bye.
Well, what about the ending? Oh, the ending will take care of itself.
Go on.
You won't be alone.
Man: Here comes kent.
Don't make them wait.
Kent.
Howl! Howl! Howl! All of you are men of stones! Had I your tongues and eyes, I'd use them so that heaven's vault should crack! She's goneForever.
I know when one is dead and when one lives.
She's dead in there.
Lend me a looking glass, That if her breath, her mist, Will stain the stone, well, then she lives.
Alex 57, go.
And stand by for curtain call, everyone.
[lear crying.]
Lear: And my poor fool is hanged.
NoNo, no life.
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life, And thou no breath at all? She'll come no more.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Pray you undo this button.
I thank you, sir.
Do you see this? Look on her.
Look.
Her lips Her lips He faints.
Milord, milord.
Break heart, I prithee.
Break! Look up, milord.
Vex not his ghost.
O, let him pass.
He hates him who would upon the rack of this tough world Stretch him out longer.
He's gone indeed.
The weight of this sad time we must obey.
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
The oldest hath borne most.
We that are young Shall never see so much nor live so long.
[applause.]
Charles.
Charles.
Charles.
Charles! Charles! Pretty good, eh? You.
Why, you.
Geoffrey.
Why aren't you out there for the curtain call? Why aren't you? Oh, my god.
Hello.
How long has this problem been solved? About 8 seconds.
You know, I could relapse, though.
Maybe we should just skip the curtain call.
Oh, my god.
I know.
But we have to do the curtain call.
And by the way, the answer is yes.
What? The answer is yes.
It's always been yes.
You know, ellen, I just shuffled off A really long psychotic episode.
Yes to what? You'll figure it out.
Yeah! What? JustJust What? UhYou Charles.
No apologies, please.
I remember getting laid in my dressing room At the old vic After a matinee of "oedipus rex.
" UmWe were, uh Just leaving.
[ahem.]
It was a great show.
YeahIt was.
Oliver.
Any notes? SoThat's what they were thinking.
A leave of absence? Yeah.
Well, it's not me, anna.
It's the board.
They're pretty upset.
You know, they want some consequences.
Just say it, richard.
Say it.
"you're fired.
" Anna, i'm not firing you.
You're firing me.
No, anna, I don't fire friends.
Richard, we're really not friends.
Ok, come on, anna.
That'sThat's just the way you feel right now, you know, At 10:15 in the morning On whatever day it is in whatever year, you know.
You know.
Besides, you're upset.
So I think that invalidates your opinion.
All right, i'll do it myself.
I do everything else around here.
Anna, you're fired.
Go clean out your desk.
Anna, I am not firing you, ok? I don't fire friends.
I don't.
IPlease! Please.
Ok.
You're not firing me.
Yeah.
Good.
Oh, anna, don't cry.
Look, I know you're upset-- charles dying and everything.
It's not charles.
It's you.
You came so close, richard [sniffles.]
To becoming a human being.
But you lost your soul, And now you're just a fool.
Ok, anna, clean out your desk.
Thank you, richard.
Good-bye.
OkSo, you know the routine.
I face the empty chair, and I talk.
Talk to oliver.
Ok.
[exhales.]
Hi.
How you doing? Oh.
Yeah.
Let me see.
Uh Oh, anna is finally taking a vacation In bolivia.
Well, apparently there's some kind Of counterrevolution going on, But i'm told that anna has taken up With the leader of the revolutionaries, So Richard? Oh, god, well RichardHa ha.
Richard is directing next season.
Yeah.
"oklahoma.
" In fact, he has announced his intention To work his way through the entire canon Of rodgers and hammerstein.
God help us all.
Oh, ellen.
Well Ellen is being sued By the producers of that tv show, And she kind of said, More or less said, you know, "go ahead.
Take it all.
" So they did.
They took her house, Which is why we're moving to montreal.
Well, I kind of thought That I would resurrect My old theater company-- Theatre sans argent.
I think it could work, you know.
It's bilingual, for a start.
Good work.
UmI'm just I'm not quite done.
And as for charles, well, I, uh Would imagine you know all about him, And thanks for all of that.
And, uh And as for you I want to thank you [ahem.]
And I want to curse you, And I have to say good-bye now, oliver.
I love you.
I wish you could be here today.
Well done.
[exhales.]
Now, if we could hurry, I have a wedding to minister.
Do you know how to tie one of these things? Uh, no.
Sorry.
I don't.
What do you mean? You do thousands of weddings.
I marry people.
I don't dress them.
This bowtie's a disaster.
The whole thing's a disaster.
Well, maybe you should just call The whole thing off then.
What are you talking about? I already said yes.
acorn media Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org-- I should have been an actor such talent have I got i'm brilliant at pretending i'm someone that i'm not when I was very small they sent me off to school to learn to read and write and recite the golden rule I wasn't very clever nor the least bit smart but I acted like a scholar and I played the part I played the part he played the part to great acclaim I got an "a" on every paper and I couldn't spell my name I played the part he played the part and that was it he did his bit nobody knew I was a lazy little git lazy git when I was 17, they sent me off to war they stuffed me in a parachute and dropped me on the shore I didn't know a rifle from a cherry tart but I acted like a soldier, and I played the part I played the part he played the part I gave them heck Anna.
they put a stripe upon me elbow and a medal round me neck I played the part he played the part and that was that he laid them flat nobody knew I was a scaredy little cat scaredy-cat I played the part of the loyal husband while I kept a little cutie safely hid safely hid I played the part of the trusty employee and I hadn't the foggiest notion what I did rotten kid when I have come to pass, they'll send me to my fates at heaven's pearly gates, that is were saint peter waits i've been a sneaky devil from the very start but i'll act like i'm an angel and i'll play the part i'll play the part he'll play the part but knock them dead he'll knock them dead i'll put a harp between my knees and a halo atop my head i'll play the part he'll play the part and do it well he will excel and i'll be sent with the other actors straight to hell straight to hell i'll be sent with the other actors straight to hell i'll go to hell