Switched at Birth s03e06 Episode Script
The Scream
Aren't you supposed to give your hand a rest? - What did the doctor say? - That the tendons were cut partially in two fingers.
I'm gonna be in this lobster claw until they can tell how it's healing.
We're taking the wait-and-see approach.
And yes, I'm supposed to be giving it rest.
I've been banged up enough in football to know you gotta let your body do its thing.
Oh, on the plus side, I got a kick-ass extension on all my homework.
Leave it alone.
Don't make me put you in a doggy lampshade.
Uh, my parents don't know about the party.
They think I cut my hand on a glass of ice water, not a beer bottle.
And my dad's walking over here right now.
- Hi, dad.
- Hey, sweetie.
You must be Tank.
Sorry I missed meeting you at the hospital.
John Kennish.
Yes, sir, I know.
The Royals haven't been the same since you left.
Well, I appreciate that.
I wanted to thank you for taking care of Bay, thinking quickly and getting her to the hospital.
Oh, I mean, I just did what anybody would.
Uh, no, he was amazing.
So, how's your season going? We've won more than we lost, so I guess that's good.
I tried asking Bay what position you play, but it's Bay.
Hey.
- Left scorer dude.
- Defensive end.
Yeah.
That.
Outstanding.
Well, we've got to come to a game.
- Watch you go quarterback hunting.
- That would be awesome.
All right, I'm outta here.
- Good to meet you, Tank.
- You too, sir.
Wow, your dad's really cool.
If you two want some alone time, I can totally make myself scarce.
Who'd have thought Bay would go out with a guy named Tank and that I'd be okay with it? I don't think they're dating.
Really? Why not? He seems great.
Parents don't get to decide who their kids date.
You of all people should be grateful for that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your mom loved me.
We absolutely have to use this crystal.
Oh, hello, Senator.
- Hi.
- Renzo wants to throw a cocktail party here to celebrate my book deal.
It'll just be the family.
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah, well, he wants it to be fancy.
I bet you clean up real good.
I was thinking maybe we could do book-themed cocktails.
You know, "Tequila Mockingbird," "Lime and Punishment" or my personal favorite, "Last of the Mojitos.
" Sounds like fun.
Really? You're not just saying that? Sweetie, I think that it's a great idea that you're writing again.
What exactly is it that you're writing? It's a novel, umm, inspired by our early life together, back when you were playing baseball.
Wow.
Sounds like a best-seller to me.
Too bad the title "The Natural" is already taken.
I think you left out a few details.
I just can't blurt out that I'm writing an erotic novel based on the sex lives of his fellow teammates.
I gotta warm him up to that idea.
So, what's his real name? Miles.
Oh.
Yeah, I'd stick with "Tank" too.
I don't know.
Miles is I'm so sorry.
I don't know how you do this one-handed signing thing.
I feel like I'm in a horror movie where the hand comes to life.
It's fine.
I can read your lips.
- Thank you.
- So I guess you're not ripping the band-aid off with Tank.
I don't know.
He's so different from any guy I've ever dated.
Maybe that's what makes him perfect.
Tank's a really good guy and let's face it the last few guys I've fallen for have thrown my heart underneath a bus, dragged it for a few blocks and then backed over it.
Yeah, you deserve better.
Yeah.
All I want right now is a sweet, uncomplicated guy.
Me too.
Here's to sweet, uncomplicated guys.
There is a club for everything.
Anime club, robotics club, wine and cheese club.
Ukulele club.
- You play the ukulele? - No, but that's what I love about this place.
I get to try a little bit of everything.
Maybe I am a great ukulele player - and I never knew it.
- That could be true.
I mean, I never thought I'd be dating a frat guy, but who knows? Maybe I'm queen of the keg stand.
What fraternity is Tank in again? - Omega Psi! - Oh, I really like them.
They're sweet.
One of them invited me to that luau they're having.
Oh no, don't worry.
Travis is totally cool with it.
Me and the guy are just going as friends, and now you and I can hang out together.
It's a bonus.
- What? - Tank hasn't invited me.
Oh, I'm sure he will.
He probably just hasn't gotten around to it.
He's had plenty of opportunities to bring it up.
Probably didn't want to ask you when blood was shooting out of your hand.
Or he didn't want to ask the girl who had just given him the "I see you as a friend" speech.
So there's this restaurant, and they have this thing it's called a twice-friend onion ring tower.
Wanna check it out? I have to tell you something.
Hey, man.
So, I got tickets for the theater on Lancaster.
That's the one with the closed-caption glasses, right? Yup! Cool.
Oh, and there's a bunch of restaurants around there so we can probably get dinner after.
Sounds good.
Dr.
J.
's still waiting on those x-rays.
Yeah, they got misfiled by radiology.
I've been looking all over for them.
Well, you're not gonna find them in the movie listings.
What crawled up his butt? Sorry, didn't get that one.
Is it me or does he seem really pissed off? Maybe it's 'cause he broke up with Gretchen.
Oh.
That sucks.
- Yeah.
- Especially with his 21st birthday coming up.
- Oh no.
- Yeah, I saw it on the office calendar.
Poor guy.
I hope he doesn't spend it alone.
Oh! I can't decide what to wear to Kathryn's party tomorrow.
What are you wearing? Whatever makes me invisible.
When Kathryn was away I saw John kissing Jennice.
Toby's mother-in-law? I don't wanna get in the middle of it.
- Good idea.
- But if I don't tell Kathryn, I feel like I'm being disloyal to her.
Trust me.
Pretend you never saw anything.
It isn't any of our business, and you don't know what you saw.
Yeah, actually, I do.
And now I have to go to this party, and see her so happy and act like I don't know anything? I really don't wanna go.
Maybe I can get out of it.
Maybe maybe I can tell her I don't feel well.
That's gonna look bad, plus, the party might be more fun than you think.
Hey, so I think we should do something for Campbell's birthday.
Snow Creek's not that far away and they have snow tubing.
What? Is that super lame? No.
It's just probably not a good idea with his injury.
Oh, no standing required.
You just sit down in the inner tube and slide down the Mountain.
Campbell didn't just hurt his spinal cord.
He had a severe T.
B.
I.
Tibia? Traumatic brain injury.
The impact really did some damage.
His brain is still healing.
Another crash can make it 10 times worse.
Oh, that's awful.
Yeah, so we should find a less dangerous way to celebrate.
How about cupcakes in the break room? It's his 21st birthday.
We gotta come up with something better than that.
Like what? A surprise party? Yeah, Campbell hasn't really made a lot of friends since moving back here, so I feel like it's sort of up to me - to throw him a party.
- Oh, I love surprise parties.
I know, me too.
I even tracked down a bunch of his snowboarding buddies on Facebook and got them all to road trip out here.
Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Campbell's gonna love that.
But it's the same night as your book party.
Oh.
Well, maybe you can bring him by after.
It's his 21st birthday.
Oh, I get it.
All right.
Well, have fun at your party, but just remember: you're not the one turning 21.
No.
- Understood.
- Wait.
At some point, we're gonna want to meet this guy that you are seeing.
Oh.
I'm dating Jorge, not Campbell.
Jorge? Who's Jorge? - Hey.
- Hi.
Do you have any advice on how to accessorize this thing? Like, do I try to cover it or just embrace the whole robo-crustacean of it all? Put on it that says what happened that way you don't have to answer the same question over and over again.
If that's the worst I have to deal with, I'll be happy.
Give it time.
Your hand'll get better.
- Yours didn't.
- Well, that's different.
That's after 20 years of repetitive motion.
It will heal and you'll go back to making art in no time.
Hello.
These are for your mom.
Oh great.
This is my other mom, Regina.
- Regina, this is Tank.
- Hi.
- Uh, right, the switched thing.
- Yeah.
I should've brought another bouquet of flowers.
Oh, don't be silly.
No.
Do you have a vase? I can split these up.
Really, it's fine, but thank you.
This is Kathryn's night.
Come on, you can go give these to her.
It was nice meeting you.
He's so sweet.
So I have the most fabulous idea for the key art of your book jacket.
It's a baseball with the stitches pulling apart, opening like a zipper with just a hint of man underneath.
- You hate it.
- No, it's not that.
It's just I talked to Lydia today and she wants me to use my real name on the book.
Now you really have to tell John the truth.
- I'm going to.
- You'd better hurry.
Lydia says they're so excited that they want to fast track this.
- You talked to her? - I was nosy.
Get to it.
You don't want John to find out about this in a press release.
Yo, mom! Hey, mom, we're here! Oh, hi, honey.
Whoa! Someone's been shopping in a whole different part of town.
- You like? - You look great, mom.
Hey! Oh, hi.
Hey.
Wow.
Last time I saw you, we were battling a particle-board bookshelf.
Just hope it's still standing.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
You remember Regina, right? - Nice to see you again.
- Yeah, you too.
Jennice, drink? - I'd love one, yeah.
- Great, be right back.
- Thanks, honey.
- Yeah.
Toby insisted that I come, and I thought it would be more suspicious if I didn't.
You couldn't think of some excuse? John, we're gonna be seeing each other at things.
I just want it to be normal.
And I wanted to say how sorry I am about what happened the other night.
It was a mistake and it was all my fault.
You know what? It's fine.
It was nothing.
Let's just pretend like it never happened, okay? This is just another normal evening.
Mom? What's wrong? Oh, I've been poisoned! Oh! Welcome to the murder mystery party.
Welcome to Coddington manor.
The year is 1922, and on this dark and stormy night, you are all guests of the late Lady Coddington.
You are all suspects in her untimely demise.
Now if you'll refer to your dossiers, you'll find details about your new identities.
- Did you know about this? - No.
Otherwise I wouldn't have cast myself as Fanny the French maid.
I'm Mabel Flitwit, ditzy heiress.
Well, pleased to meet you, sweetheart.
Lefty Diamond, import-export.
Throughout the evening you will look for clues around the house and probe each other with questions.
Now you can be evasive or misdirect, but you cannot lie as you attempt to conceal the scandalous secrets you are all hiding.
Do I look like a silent movie star? Uh, more than I look like a constable.
Tennis anyone? Look around.
One of you is a cold-blooded murderer.
And it's your job to unmask this killer before you become the next victim! Hey, do you feel like getting some food that wasn't nuked in the microwave? Nah, I'm okay.
Come on, ever since you mentioned that place with the onion ring tower, I've been jonesing for some fried food.
I feel like we have an obligation to check it out.
- Aren't you dating Jorge? - Yes.
Well, then why are you asking me out? I just meant as friends.
You asked me to dinner on my birthday.
It sounds like a date to me.
- No no, it's not like that.
- What is it? I'm taking you to your surprise party.
What surprise party? The one I'm throwing for you.
You weren't doing anything for your 21st birthday and I wasn't about to let you spend it alone.
Who's gonna be there? Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, a bunch of your buddies from Colorado Chris, Geezer and some dude named Crowbar.
They're coming here? That's right.
I haven't seen those guys since the hospital.
And you put this together? Yeah.
Come on.
So, Lefty, the poisoned wine that Lady Coddington drank, it was a gift from you.
I'm thinking you made her an offer and she refused.
What are you getting at, doll? Well, I drank from the same wine bottle as Lady Coddington before which is insane by the way, because in round two we're gonna find out I'm secretly pregnant.
I read ahead.
So why am I not dead too? How about we ask Fanny the maid, sweetheart? Whoa, are you accusing my mom of being the killer? How do I know you're not the killer? Oh, 'cause I'd tell you if I was, so we could do an awesome Bonnie and Clyde kind of thing.
Oh.
How sweet And not at all disturbing.
This is awesome.
I'm having a total blast.
Yeah.
We should do something just as awesome.
- On Saturday night.
- Yeah, Saturday is bad for me.
- Oh? What you doing? - Stupid pledge thing.
But we should do something Friday or Sunday or both.
Sure.
Surprise! He's legal.
Crowbar, man.
And Chris.
- What's up? - Now I know this is your first ever drink of alcohol, but I'm still gonna have to see some I.
D.
My wallet's in my back pocket, and while you're back there, you can kiss my ass.
All right, tell the truth, man.
Were you really surprised? Totally.
Dude, I can't believe you guys are here.
Really appreciate you tracking us down for this.
Oh, I'm just glad you could all make it.
Gretchen, hey.
Happy Birthday.
Dash Gundson, what are you looking for? At today's tennis lesson, I overheard Lady Coddington say say she was changing her will.
Maybe there's someone she wanted to cut out of it.
Yes, someone who wasn't too happy about that.
I figured this is where she would keep it.
Outstanding notion.
You check the drawers, I'll check the bookcase.
Aha! What have we here? Is that the will? No.
No, it's not.
Your death scene was spectacular, but You should've seen my Lady MacBeth.
They still talk about it in San Juan.
I'm sure.
Here's the thing: You walking around like this kind of kills the illusion.
Well, I had an idea.
What if we found out that I didn't die? That I faked my own death to unmask the murderer? But if you faked your death, there would be no murder.
Oh, you're right.
Well, what if it was a voodoo powder that gave the appearance of death? Okay, let's talk about that.
Why don't you just be You were the one who served Lady Coddington the wine.
No, I did not.
The only wine I served was to that siren of the silver screen, Ms.
Bellini.
Maybe she served Ms.
Coddington.
Now if you excuse me, I have to go polish the silver.
Not so fast, Fanny.
What motive would Lulu Bellini have to poison Lady Coddington? Let's just say that that silent movie star was not so silent when I found her in bed with Lord Coddington.
- Oh mom! - It's on the card, honey.
Come on, Lefty.
Bonjour, Admiral.
- Are enjoying the party? - Actually, no.
I was looking for Lady Coddington's will, and I found your book proposal instead.
I was gonna talk to you about that.
Kathryn, are you out of your mind? We are talking about intimate details of our friends' lives.
I'm not using real names.
You're using our name! The rest people can figure out! It's a work of fiction.
Really? 'Cause a lot of what I was reading sounded very familiar.
So they speculate.
As long as they buy the book.
Is that all you care about? Haven't we suffered enough public embarrassment with the whole Daphne thing? And now we're gonna throw this gasoline on the fire as well? And by the way, wouldn't it have been nice if you had asked me if I was okay with this? So now I need your permission? Our kids are gonna read this Kathryn.
What the hell are they gonna think? Hopefully they'll be happy that their mother is making a successful career for herself.
Is this honestly the only thing you can write about? I tried.
I pitched parenting memoirs, cookbooks, "40 in your 40s" they were all rejected.
Do you have any idea how depressing that is? And now some people are very excited about an idea of mine.
Great.
I hope it's worth it.
Ah.
Constable, I've been looking for you.
- Actually - You have racked up an awful lot of gambling debts, debts Lady Coddington agreed to pay.
Actually, I wanted to talk to you About your relationship with the Admiral.
I think you mean Lord Coddington.
No, I mean the Admiral.
God! Am I banging him too? I must've missed it.
I really get around, don't I? I'm talking about John.
I saw you two in the living room when Kathryn was in New York.
Regina, I don't know what you think you saw, but I don't know who started it, but as the single person in the equation, you need to be the one to back off.
Oh hey, Gretchen.
I hope you don't mind me crashing your party.
Chris said that I should come along, and we all go way back, so Oh, not not at all.
It's fine.
Besides, it's not my party, anyway.
- It's Campbell's.
- Well, it's nice of you to put this together, getting all of our friends here, especially since you've only known Campbell a little while.
Well, it's a big birthday, so I'm just glad everyone could be here.
No, you're you're sweet.
I can see what he sees in you.
No clues in here.
I wonder what we're gonna do.
I know.
What's wrong? Nothing.
I mean, this you know, you and me - is awesome.
It just - I know.
I I told you I wasn't interested and now I'm attacking you.
No.
No no, I love the attacking thing.
Good, because I'm interested.
That works for me.
- Wanna go back to kissing? - Yeah.
Wow.
We get better with practice.
Yeah.
I've kinda been waiting to do this for a long time.
Then why haven't you invited me to the fraternity party? The wha what? The luau.
I mean, were you planning on inviting me? It's gonna be lame.
- You really wouldn't enjoy it.
- You wanna take somebody else.
No.
No no no, it's nothing like that.
Then what is it? How do you even know about that stupid luau? My friend Mary Beth got asked by somebody in your frat.
I thought it'd be fun if we all went together.
No no, you two should do something else that night.
Why? Umm Okay, you are acting really weird.
Why don't you want us to go to that party? I can't say, okay? Tank.
- It's a dogfight.
- A what? It's a contest between a bunch of the brothers to see who can bring the the ugliest date.
Make a wish.
Yeah! Let's dissect this bad boy.
Hey, you made it! Wow, this is really something.
- Who are those people? - Oh, they're his buddies from Colorado.
They drove 10 hours to be here.
Wow.
You really went all out.
Ah, this is nothing.
Wait till you see what I do for your birthday.
_ I'm guessing you did a search on how to impress deaf chicks.
No.
I started taking a few lessons last week.
_ I'm pretty sure that means a yes on the drink.
- Yes.
- I'll be back.
- Happy Birthday, buddy! - We got something for ya.
- Thanks.
What the hell is it? - Happy Birthday! - Check it out! - It's an adaptive snowboard.
We all chipped in, had this bad boy made for you.
Gotta get you back on the slopes carving again.
- How the hell do you ride it? - Well, the wheels are for stability, - keeps you from tipping over.
- Shouldn't take you too long to get used to it.
Just lean to the turns, ice and gravity do the rest.
Guys, this is awesome.
I can't wait to try it.
You don't have to wait too long we got a van that's gassed up and pointed toward the rockies.
Leave tonight and we can be there by dawn.
Oh, we're so going.
That's right, we are.
Oh yeah.
We can't let him get on that thing.
I don't think you can stop him.
This is the happiest I've seen him since his accident.
No, I don't think you understand.
If he has another impact, - his brain could - Oh no, I understand everything.
I was there for the crash.
I was with him for every step of his recovery.
The one thing that's gotten him through all of this is the hope that he'll get back out there.
Now you wanna take that away from him? It's just too big of a risk.
Clearly, you don't know him very well.
John knows about my book proposal.
- Did you tell him? - No, he found it.
He thinks I'm humiliating myself and my family.
Honey, you're not humiliating anybody.
I gave up so much for his career.
I'm not gonna give this up.
He'll come around, and if he doesn't you could always murder him.
If you pardon me, I have to go hide this - The bar.
- That's my little cold-blooded killer.
Ooh la la! - That's disgusting - I agree with you, and I would never be a part of it.
But you're gonna stand by and let your brothers humiliate my friend Mary Beth who, for the record, is very pretty just because she's not a size zero.
The girls aren't supposed to find out.
Oh.
That makes it okay? No.
Of course not.
Look, believe me, I think it's sick.
You'd better pray that Mary Beth doesn't let her brother's army buddies find out about this, because they will order an air strike on your frat house.
Hey, you can't tell her.
Tell her not to go, but make up a reason.
Oh, I'm telling her the truth.
- You can't.
- Why not? 'Cause I'm not supposed to say anything.
If the brothers find out I told you, - I'm gonna be blackballed.
- Well, not if you quit first.
I can't do that! Look, my dad was an Omega Psi and most of the football team, and most of my friends Look, it's not all the brothers, okay? There are good guys there too.
Just the ones who are too afraid to take a stand.
- No, it's not that simple.
- It is for me, because I'm not gonna be with someone who's in that fraternity.
Aren't you supposed to be dead, Lady Coddington? I am Ezmerelda, her twin sister.
O oh.
- Regina knows.
- What?! Apparently she saw us the other night.
- You mean the - Yes.
Did you tell her it was a mistake? She didn't really give me a chance.
I this is unbelievable! - Do you think she'll tell Kathryn? - I don't know! What if Toby and Nikki find out? I don't ugh.
Look, go back to the party, I'll find Regina, and I will convince her not to tell Kathryn.
Okay? Just go.
You can't go with those guys.
Yeah.
I can.
Your brain is still vulnerable.
Dr.
J.
would never sign off on this.
Good thing I'm not asking for his permission.
Come one, man.
I know doc told you about second-impact syndrome.
Even a slight hit, your brain could swell up and that could be it.
I'm not going on a half-pipe.
Look at this thing.
It's a glorified sled.
You could end up a vegetable, okay? Is that what you want? One fall and your whole I could fall getting into my car.
I could fall in the shower.
Should I just not do any of those things? That is not the same thing and you know it.
If I can't do what I love I might as well be a vegetable.
Why is it all or nothing with you? It's my decision and it doesn't affect you.
It does affect me! I care about you! Look, I just don't want to see you get hurt, okay? I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm going.
Campbell! Come on! I'm sorry.
What a bunch of d-bags.
Should I not have told you? I thought that it'd be better to know and I'm glad you did.
Are all guys like this? So obsessed with looks and secretly cruel? Of course not.
I don't think so.
Certainly not your smoking hot boyfriend.
You're right.
My smoking hot boyfriend is not like that.
We just need to find a guy like him for you.
Yeah.
You know what? You should've seen the guy who asked me to that thing.
He was totally hot if you're into beer guts and unibrows.
If he really wanted to win that contest, he should bring himself as his date.
Oh.
I know all about your tennis lessons with Mabel Flitwit.
Yes, Mabel is making quite a bit of progress.
I hear we'll see the results in nine months.
You are the father of her child, are you not? Are we seriously playing the incest card here? Renzo, I'm sorry.
I have to cut the evening short, okay? Uh, everybody! Everybody come in here now! Uh I poisoned Lady Coddington.
- But we've just started.
- So that's it? Aren't we supposed to guess that? Sweetie, we've got some more clues to do here.
Well, the mystery's solved, so we can all go home Or we we're home, so let's just go to bed.
'Cause I'm really tired and Thank you for having me, Kathryn, and Just go, Jennice.
Get out! Mom, what are you doing? Does someone wanna tell me what's going on here? I kissed your father.
We're not connecting, John.
We haven't been in a long time, and please don't tell me - I'm the only one seeing that.
- Fine, okay, we've been through a lot lately, okay? All couples go through this.
No, I'm not gonna let you chalk this up to that! Kathryn, the kiss didn't mean anything.
Well, that makes it all better! Oh, come on.
It was a mistake, all right? We were drinking, you were out of town.
Oh, so now it's all my fault?! No! I am just trying to explain.
- Are you attracted to her? - No, I'm not attracted to her.
I'm attracted to you.
Let me ask you something.
All the years that we've been together, you've never thought about another man? Of course I have, but I never acted on it.
And if I did, it wouldn't be with someone in our family! Okay, it was a stupid, drunken kiss.
It's not just about the kiss! I want you out of here! Would you calm down please? Do not tell me to calm down.
I don't even want to look at you right now.
Fine.
What, you you're kicking me out? You're damn right I am.
You know, there's a reason that I'm not returning any of your texts.
Just give me a minute.
- Fine.
- I made an anonymous call to the I.
F.
C.
about the party.
- The what? - The inter-fraternity council.
The brothers denied it, but bottom line is they cancelled the party.
It's not happening.
Over.
"Anonymous"? Meaning you're still in the fraternity.
- Bay, come on.
- Come on what? I'm not gonna de-pledge.
I'm not gonna give up on the fraternity because of one bad thing And I'm kinda hoping you'll feel the same way about me.
I'm not perfect, okay? I probably drink too much, I can't remember the last book I read and I suck at apologies.
But I'm loyal.
And if you'll let me, I'll be the best boyfriend in the world.
And I know what you went through with your last two boyfriends, and I would never cheat on you or hurt you like they did.
Tank, wait.
Don't you wanna know how the murder mystery turned out? My mom was the killer.
I read her card.
You cheater.
Told you she did it.
Yeah, you did.
Hmm.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Yeah, baby! You decided not to go.
Have you ever been stuck in a van with snowboarders for eight hours? Not pretty.
I I'm gonna go say goodbye to everyone.
Okay.
I'll see you, all right? Hey, is everything okay? Yeah.
Yeah, it's fine.
You don't seem fine.
I don't know.
It's not much fun watching you pay attention to some other guy all night.
I mean, what's your deal? Are you into him? I do have feelings for Campbell, but I have them for you too.
What am I supposed to do with that? I don't know.
Well, let me know when you do.
You gotta be kidding me.
State Senator John Kennish checks into a hotel? Alone? People start to talk.
I'm gonna be in this lobster claw until they can tell how it's healing.
We're taking the wait-and-see approach.
And yes, I'm supposed to be giving it rest.
I've been banged up enough in football to know you gotta let your body do its thing.
Oh, on the plus side, I got a kick-ass extension on all my homework.
Leave it alone.
Don't make me put you in a doggy lampshade.
Uh, my parents don't know about the party.
They think I cut my hand on a glass of ice water, not a beer bottle.
And my dad's walking over here right now.
- Hi, dad.
- Hey, sweetie.
You must be Tank.
Sorry I missed meeting you at the hospital.
John Kennish.
Yes, sir, I know.
The Royals haven't been the same since you left.
Well, I appreciate that.
I wanted to thank you for taking care of Bay, thinking quickly and getting her to the hospital.
Oh, I mean, I just did what anybody would.
Uh, no, he was amazing.
So, how's your season going? We've won more than we lost, so I guess that's good.
I tried asking Bay what position you play, but it's Bay.
Hey.
- Left scorer dude.
- Defensive end.
Yeah.
That.
Outstanding.
Well, we've got to come to a game.
- Watch you go quarterback hunting.
- That would be awesome.
All right, I'm outta here.
- Good to meet you, Tank.
- You too, sir.
Wow, your dad's really cool.
If you two want some alone time, I can totally make myself scarce.
Who'd have thought Bay would go out with a guy named Tank and that I'd be okay with it? I don't think they're dating.
Really? Why not? He seems great.
Parents don't get to decide who their kids date.
You of all people should be grateful for that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your mom loved me.
We absolutely have to use this crystal.
Oh, hello, Senator.
- Hi.
- Renzo wants to throw a cocktail party here to celebrate my book deal.
It'll just be the family.
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah, well, he wants it to be fancy.
I bet you clean up real good.
I was thinking maybe we could do book-themed cocktails.
You know, "Tequila Mockingbird," "Lime and Punishment" or my personal favorite, "Last of the Mojitos.
" Sounds like fun.
Really? You're not just saying that? Sweetie, I think that it's a great idea that you're writing again.
What exactly is it that you're writing? It's a novel, umm, inspired by our early life together, back when you were playing baseball.
Wow.
Sounds like a best-seller to me.
Too bad the title "The Natural" is already taken.
I think you left out a few details.
I just can't blurt out that I'm writing an erotic novel based on the sex lives of his fellow teammates.
I gotta warm him up to that idea.
So, what's his real name? Miles.
Oh.
Yeah, I'd stick with "Tank" too.
I don't know.
Miles is I'm so sorry.
I don't know how you do this one-handed signing thing.
I feel like I'm in a horror movie where the hand comes to life.
It's fine.
I can read your lips.
- Thank you.
- So I guess you're not ripping the band-aid off with Tank.
I don't know.
He's so different from any guy I've ever dated.
Maybe that's what makes him perfect.
Tank's a really good guy and let's face it the last few guys I've fallen for have thrown my heart underneath a bus, dragged it for a few blocks and then backed over it.
Yeah, you deserve better.
Yeah.
All I want right now is a sweet, uncomplicated guy.
Me too.
Here's to sweet, uncomplicated guys.
There is a club for everything.
Anime club, robotics club, wine and cheese club.
Ukulele club.
- You play the ukulele? - No, but that's what I love about this place.
I get to try a little bit of everything.
Maybe I am a great ukulele player - and I never knew it.
- That could be true.
I mean, I never thought I'd be dating a frat guy, but who knows? Maybe I'm queen of the keg stand.
What fraternity is Tank in again? - Omega Psi! - Oh, I really like them.
They're sweet.
One of them invited me to that luau they're having.
Oh no, don't worry.
Travis is totally cool with it.
Me and the guy are just going as friends, and now you and I can hang out together.
It's a bonus.
- What? - Tank hasn't invited me.
Oh, I'm sure he will.
He probably just hasn't gotten around to it.
He's had plenty of opportunities to bring it up.
Probably didn't want to ask you when blood was shooting out of your hand.
Or he didn't want to ask the girl who had just given him the "I see you as a friend" speech.
So there's this restaurant, and they have this thing it's called a twice-friend onion ring tower.
Wanna check it out? I have to tell you something.
Hey, man.
So, I got tickets for the theater on Lancaster.
That's the one with the closed-caption glasses, right? Yup! Cool.
Oh, and there's a bunch of restaurants around there so we can probably get dinner after.
Sounds good.
Dr.
J.
's still waiting on those x-rays.
Yeah, they got misfiled by radiology.
I've been looking all over for them.
Well, you're not gonna find them in the movie listings.
What crawled up his butt? Sorry, didn't get that one.
Is it me or does he seem really pissed off? Maybe it's 'cause he broke up with Gretchen.
Oh.
That sucks.
- Yeah.
- Especially with his 21st birthday coming up.
- Oh no.
- Yeah, I saw it on the office calendar.
Poor guy.
I hope he doesn't spend it alone.
Oh! I can't decide what to wear to Kathryn's party tomorrow.
What are you wearing? Whatever makes me invisible.
When Kathryn was away I saw John kissing Jennice.
Toby's mother-in-law? I don't wanna get in the middle of it.
- Good idea.
- But if I don't tell Kathryn, I feel like I'm being disloyal to her.
Trust me.
Pretend you never saw anything.
It isn't any of our business, and you don't know what you saw.
Yeah, actually, I do.
And now I have to go to this party, and see her so happy and act like I don't know anything? I really don't wanna go.
Maybe I can get out of it.
Maybe maybe I can tell her I don't feel well.
That's gonna look bad, plus, the party might be more fun than you think.
Hey, so I think we should do something for Campbell's birthday.
Snow Creek's not that far away and they have snow tubing.
What? Is that super lame? No.
It's just probably not a good idea with his injury.
Oh, no standing required.
You just sit down in the inner tube and slide down the Mountain.
Campbell didn't just hurt his spinal cord.
He had a severe T.
B.
I.
Tibia? Traumatic brain injury.
The impact really did some damage.
His brain is still healing.
Another crash can make it 10 times worse.
Oh, that's awful.
Yeah, so we should find a less dangerous way to celebrate.
How about cupcakes in the break room? It's his 21st birthday.
We gotta come up with something better than that.
Like what? A surprise party? Yeah, Campbell hasn't really made a lot of friends since moving back here, so I feel like it's sort of up to me - to throw him a party.
- Oh, I love surprise parties.
I know, me too.
I even tracked down a bunch of his snowboarding buddies on Facebook and got them all to road trip out here.
Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Campbell's gonna love that.
But it's the same night as your book party.
Oh.
Well, maybe you can bring him by after.
It's his 21st birthday.
Oh, I get it.
All right.
Well, have fun at your party, but just remember: you're not the one turning 21.
No.
- Understood.
- Wait.
At some point, we're gonna want to meet this guy that you are seeing.
Oh.
I'm dating Jorge, not Campbell.
Jorge? Who's Jorge? - Hey.
- Hi.
Do you have any advice on how to accessorize this thing? Like, do I try to cover it or just embrace the whole robo-crustacean of it all? Put on it that says what happened that way you don't have to answer the same question over and over again.
If that's the worst I have to deal with, I'll be happy.
Give it time.
Your hand'll get better.
- Yours didn't.
- Well, that's different.
That's after 20 years of repetitive motion.
It will heal and you'll go back to making art in no time.
Hello.
These are for your mom.
Oh great.
This is my other mom, Regina.
- Regina, this is Tank.
- Hi.
- Uh, right, the switched thing.
- Yeah.
I should've brought another bouquet of flowers.
Oh, don't be silly.
No.
Do you have a vase? I can split these up.
Really, it's fine, but thank you.
This is Kathryn's night.
Come on, you can go give these to her.
It was nice meeting you.
He's so sweet.
So I have the most fabulous idea for the key art of your book jacket.
It's a baseball with the stitches pulling apart, opening like a zipper with just a hint of man underneath.
- You hate it.
- No, it's not that.
It's just I talked to Lydia today and she wants me to use my real name on the book.
Now you really have to tell John the truth.
- I'm going to.
- You'd better hurry.
Lydia says they're so excited that they want to fast track this.
- You talked to her? - I was nosy.
Get to it.
You don't want John to find out about this in a press release.
Yo, mom! Hey, mom, we're here! Oh, hi, honey.
Whoa! Someone's been shopping in a whole different part of town.
- You like? - You look great, mom.
Hey! Oh, hi.
Hey.
Wow.
Last time I saw you, we were battling a particle-board bookshelf.
Just hope it's still standing.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
You remember Regina, right? - Nice to see you again.
- Yeah, you too.
Jennice, drink? - I'd love one, yeah.
- Great, be right back.
- Thanks, honey.
- Yeah.
Toby insisted that I come, and I thought it would be more suspicious if I didn't.
You couldn't think of some excuse? John, we're gonna be seeing each other at things.
I just want it to be normal.
And I wanted to say how sorry I am about what happened the other night.
It was a mistake and it was all my fault.
You know what? It's fine.
It was nothing.
Let's just pretend like it never happened, okay? This is just another normal evening.
Mom? What's wrong? Oh, I've been poisoned! Oh! Welcome to the murder mystery party.
Welcome to Coddington manor.
The year is 1922, and on this dark and stormy night, you are all guests of the late Lady Coddington.
You are all suspects in her untimely demise.
Now if you'll refer to your dossiers, you'll find details about your new identities.
- Did you know about this? - No.
Otherwise I wouldn't have cast myself as Fanny the French maid.
I'm Mabel Flitwit, ditzy heiress.
Well, pleased to meet you, sweetheart.
Lefty Diamond, import-export.
Throughout the evening you will look for clues around the house and probe each other with questions.
Now you can be evasive or misdirect, but you cannot lie as you attempt to conceal the scandalous secrets you are all hiding.
Do I look like a silent movie star? Uh, more than I look like a constable.
Tennis anyone? Look around.
One of you is a cold-blooded murderer.
And it's your job to unmask this killer before you become the next victim! Hey, do you feel like getting some food that wasn't nuked in the microwave? Nah, I'm okay.
Come on, ever since you mentioned that place with the onion ring tower, I've been jonesing for some fried food.
I feel like we have an obligation to check it out.
- Aren't you dating Jorge? - Yes.
Well, then why are you asking me out? I just meant as friends.
You asked me to dinner on my birthday.
It sounds like a date to me.
- No no, it's not like that.
- What is it? I'm taking you to your surprise party.
What surprise party? The one I'm throwing for you.
You weren't doing anything for your 21st birthday and I wasn't about to let you spend it alone.
Who's gonna be there? Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, a bunch of your buddies from Colorado Chris, Geezer and some dude named Crowbar.
They're coming here? That's right.
I haven't seen those guys since the hospital.
And you put this together? Yeah.
Come on.
So, Lefty, the poisoned wine that Lady Coddington drank, it was a gift from you.
I'm thinking you made her an offer and she refused.
What are you getting at, doll? Well, I drank from the same wine bottle as Lady Coddington before which is insane by the way, because in round two we're gonna find out I'm secretly pregnant.
I read ahead.
So why am I not dead too? How about we ask Fanny the maid, sweetheart? Whoa, are you accusing my mom of being the killer? How do I know you're not the killer? Oh, 'cause I'd tell you if I was, so we could do an awesome Bonnie and Clyde kind of thing.
Oh.
How sweet And not at all disturbing.
This is awesome.
I'm having a total blast.
Yeah.
We should do something just as awesome.
- On Saturday night.
- Yeah, Saturday is bad for me.
- Oh? What you doing? - Stupid pledge thing.
But we should do something Friday or Sunday or both.
Sure.
Surprise! He's legal.
Crowbar, man.
And Chris.
- What's up? - Now I know this is your first ever drink of alcohol, but I'm still gonna have to see some I.
D.
My wallet's in my back pocket, and while you're back there, you can kiss my ass.
All right, tell the truth, man.
Were you really surprised? Totally.
Dude, I can't believe you guys are here.
Really appreciate you tracking us down for this.
Oh, I'm just glad you could all make it.
Gretchen, hey.
Happy Birthday.
Dash Gundson, what are you looking for? At today's tennis lesson, I overheard Lady Coddington say say she was changing her will.
Maybe there's someone she wanted to cut out of it.
Yes, someone who wasn't too happy about that.
I figured this is where she would keep it.
Outstanding notion.
You check the drawers, I'll check the bookcase.
Aha! What have we here? Is that the will? No.
No, it's not.
Your death scene was spectacular, but You should've seen my Lady MacBeth.
They still talk about it in San Juan.
I'm sure.
Here's the thing: You walking around like this kind of kills the illusion.
Well, I had an idea.
What if we found out that I didn't die? That I faked my own death to unmask the murderer? But if you faked your death, there would be no murder.
Oh, you're right.
Well, what if it was a voodoo powder that gave the appearance of death? Okay, let's talk about that.
Why don't you just be You were the one who served Lady Coddington the wine.
No, I did not.
The only wine I served was to that siren of the silver screen, Ms.
Bellini.
Maybe she served Ms.
Coddington.
Now if you excuse me, I have to go polish the silver.
Not so fast, Fanny.
What motive would Lulu Bellini have to poison Lady Coddington? Let's just say that that silent movie star was not so silent when I found her in bed with Lord Coddington.
- Oh mom! - It's on the card, honey.
Come on, Lefty.
Bonjour, Admiral.
- Are enjoying the party? - Actually, no.
I was looking for Lady Coddington's will, and I found your book proposal instead.
I was gonna talk to you about that.
Kathryn, are you out of your mind? We are talking about intimate details of our friends' lives.
I'm not using real names.
You're using our name! The rest people can figure out! It's a work of fiction.
Really? 'Cause a lot of what I was reading sounded very familiar.
So they speculate.
As long as they buy the book.
Is that all you care about? Haven't we suffered enough public embarrassment with the whole Daphne thing? And now we're gonna throw this gasoline on the fire as well? And by the way, wouldn't it have been nice if you had asked me if I was okay with this? So now I need your permission? Our kids are gonna read this Kathryn.
What the hell are they gonna think? Hopefully they'll be happy that their mother is making a successful career for herself.
Is this honestly the only thing you can write about? I tried.
I pitched parenting memoirs, cookbooks, "40 in your 40s" they were all rejected.
Do you have any idea how depressing that is? And now some people are very excited about an idea of mine.
Great.
I hope it's worth it.
Ah.
Constable, I've been looking for you.
- Actually - You have racked up an awful lot of gambling debts, debts Lady Coddington agreed to pay.
Actually, I wanted to talk to you About your relationship with the Admiral.
I think you mean Lord Coddington.
No, I mean the Admiral.
God! Am I banging him too? I must've missed it.
I really get around, don't I? I'm talking about John.
I saw you two in the living room when Kathryn was in New York.
Regina, I don't know what you think you saw, but I don't know who started it, but as the single person in the equation, you need to be the one to back off.
Oh hey, Gretchen.
I hope you don't mind me crashing your party.
Chris said that I should come along, and we all go way back, so Oh, not not at all.
It's fine.
Besides, it's not my party, anyway.
- It's Campbell's.
- Well, it's nice of you to put this together, getting all of our friends here, especially since you've only known Campbell a little while.
Well, it's a big birthday, so I'm just glad everyone could be here.
No, you're you're sweet.
I can see what he sees in you.
No clues in here.
I wonder what we're gonna do.
I know.
What's wrong? Nothing.
I mean, this you know, you and me - is awesome.
It just - I know.
I I told you I wasn't interested and now I'm attacking you.
No.
No no, I love the attacking thing.
Good, because I'm interested.
That works for me.
- Wanna go back to kissing? - Yeah.
Wow.
We get better with practice.
Yeah.
I've kinda been waiting to do this for a long time.
Then why haven't you invited me to the fraternity party? The wha what? The luau.
I mean, were you planning on inviting me? It's gonna be lame.
- You really wouldn't enjoy it.
- You wanna take somebody else.
No.
No no no, it's nothing like that.
Then what is it? How do you even know about that stupid luau? My friend Mary Beth got asked by somebody in your frat.
I thought it'd be fun if we all went together.
No no, you two should do something else that night.
Why? Umm Okay, you are acting really weird.
Why don't you want us to go to that party? I can't say, okay? Tank.
- It's a dogfight.
- A what? It's a contest between a bunch of the brothers to see who can bring the the ugliest date.
Make a wish.
Yeah! Let's dissect this bad boy.
Hey, you made it! Wow, this is really something.
- Who are those people? - Oh, they're his buddies from Colorado.
They drove 10 hours to be here.
Wow.
You really went all out.
Ah, this is nothing.
Wait till you see what I do for your birthday.
_ I'm guessing you did a search on how to impress deaf chicks.
No.
I started taking a few lessons last week.
_ I'm pretty sure that means a yes on the drink.
- Yes.
- I'll be back.
- Happy Birthday, buddy! - We got something for ya.
- Thanks.
What the hell is it? - Happy Birthday! - Check it out! - It's an adaptive snowboard.
We all chipped in, had this bad boy made for you.
Gotta get you back on the slopes carving again.
- How the hell do you ride it? - Well, the wheels are for stability, - keeps you from tipping over.
- Shouldn't take you too long to get used to it.
Just lean to the turns, ice and gravity do the rest.
Guys, this is awesome.
I can't wait to try it.
You don't have to wait too long we got a van that's gassed up and pointed toward the rockies.
Leave tonight and we can be there by dawn.
Oh, we're so going.
That's right, we are.
Oh yeah.
We can't let him get on that thing.
I don't think you can stop him.
This is the happiest I've seen him since his accident.
No, I don't think you understand.
If he has another impact, - his brain could - Oh no, I understand everything.
I was there for the crash.
I was with him for every step of his recovery.
The one thing that's gotten him through all of this is the hope that he'll get back out there.
Now you wanna take that away from him? It's just too big of a risk.
Clearly, you don't know him very well.
John knows about my book proposal.
- Did you tell him? - No, he found it.
He thinks I'm humiliating myself and my family.
Honey, you're not humiliating anybody.
I gave up so much for his career.
I'm not gonna give this up.
He'll come around, and if he doesn't you could always murder him.
If you pardon me, I have to go hide this - The bar.
- That's my little cold-blooded killer.
Ooh la la! - That's disgusting - I agree with you, and I would never be a part of it.
But you're gonna stand by and let your brothers humiliate my friend Mary Beth who, for the record, is very pretty just because she's not a size zero.
The girls aren't supposed to find out.
Oh.
That makes it okay? No.
Of course not.
Look, believe me, I think it's sick.
You'd better pray that Mary Beth doesn't let her brother's army buddies find out about this, because they will order an air strike on your frat house.
Hey, you can't tell her.
Tell her not to go, but make up a reason.
Oh, I'm telling her the truth.
- You can't.
- Why not? 'Cause I'm not supposed to say anything.
If the brothers find out I told you, - I'm gonna be blackballed.
- Well, not if you quit first.
I can't do that! Look, my dad was an Omega Psi and most of the football team, and most of my friends Look, it's not all the brothers, okay? There are good guys there too.
Just the ones who are too afraid to take a stand.
- No, it's not that simple.
- It is for me, because I'm not gonna be with someone who's in that fraternity.
Aren't you supposed to be dead, Lady Coddington? I am Ezmerelda, her twin sister.
O oh.
- Regina knows.
- What?! Apparently she saw us the other night.
- You mean the - Yes.
Did you tell her it was a mistake? She didn't really give me a chance.
I this is unbelievable! - Do you think she'll tell Kathryn? - I don't know! What if Toby and Nikki find out? I don't ugh.
Look, go back to the party, I'll find Regina, and I will convince her not to tell Kathryn.
Okay? Just go.
You can't go with those guys.
Yeah.
I can.
Your brain is still vulnerable.
Dr.
J.
would never sign off on this.
Good thing I'm not asking for his permission.
Come one, man.
I know doc told you about second-impact syndrome.
Even a slight hit, your brain could swell up and that could be it.
I'm not going on a half-pipe.
Look at this thing.
It's a glorified sled.
You could end up a vegetable, okay? Is that what you want? One fall and your whole I could fall getting into my car.
I could fall in the shower.
Should I just not do any of those things? That is not the same thing and you know it.
If I can't do what I love I might as well be a vegetable.
Why is it all or nothing with you? It's my decision and it doesn't affect you.
It does affect me! I care about you! Look, I just don't want to see you get hurt, okay? I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm going.
Campbell! Come on! I'm sorry.
What a bunch of d-bags.
Should I not have told you? I thought that it'd be better to know and I'm glad you did.
Are all guys like this? So obsessed with looks and secretly cruel? Of course not.
I don't think so.
Certainly not your smoking hot boyfriend.
You're right.
My smoking hot boyfriend is not like that.
We just need to find a guy like him for you.
Yeah.
You know what? You should've seen the guy who asked me to that thing.
He was totally hot if you're into beer guts and unibrows.
If he really wanted to win that contest, he should bring himself as his date.
Oh.
I know all about your tennis lessons with Mabel Flitwit.
Yes, Mabel is making quite a bit of progress.
I hear we'll see the results in nine months.
You are the father of her child, are you not? Are we seriously playing the incest card here? Renzo, I'm sorry.
I have to cut the evening short, okay? Uh, everybody! Everybody come in here now! Uh I poisoned Lady Coddington.
- But we've just started.
- So that's it? Aren't we supposed to guess that? Sweetie, we've got some more clues to do here.
Well, the mystery's solved, so we can all go home Or we we're home, so let's just go to bed.
'Cause I'm really tired and Thank you for having me, Kathryn, and Just go, Jennice.
Get out! Mom, what are you doing? Does someone wanna tell me what's going on here? I kissed your father.
We're not connecting, John.
We haven't been in a long time, and please don't tell me - I'm the only one seeing that.
- Fine, okay, we've been through a lot lately, okay? All couples go through this.
No, I'm not gonna let you chalk this up to that! Kathryn, the kiss didn't mean anything.
Well, that makes it all better! Oh, come on.
It was a mistake, all right? We were drinking, you were out of town.
Oh, so now it's all my fault?! No! I am just trying to explain.
- Are you attracted to her? - No, I'm not attracted to her.
I'm attracted to you.
Let me ask you something.
All the years that we've been together, you've never thought about another man? Of course I have, but I never acted on it.
And if I did, it wouldn't be with someone in our family! Okay, it was a stupid, drunken kiss.
It's not just about the kiss! I want you out of here! Would you calm down please? Do not tell me to calm down.
I don't even want to look at you right now.
Fine.
What, you you're kicking me out? You're damn right I am.
You know, there's a reason that I'm not returning any of your texts.
Just give me a minute.
- Fine.
- I made an anonymous call to the I.
F.
C.
about the party.
- The what? - The inter-fraternity council.
The brothers denied it, but bottom line is they cancelled the party.
It's not happening.
Over.
"Anonymous"? Meaning you're still in the fraternity.
- Bay, come on.
- Come on what? I'm not gonna de-pledge.
I'm not gonna give up on the fraternity because of one bad thing And I'm kinda hoping you'll feel the same way about me.
I'm not perfect, okay? I probably drink too much, I can't remember the last book I read and I suck at apologies.
But I'm loyal.
And if you'll let me, I'll be the best boyfriend in the world.
And I know what you went through with your last two boyfriends, and I would never cheat on you or hurt you like they did.
Tank, wait.
Don't you wanna know how the murder mystery turned out? My mom was the killer.
I read her card.
You cheater.
Told you she did it.
Yeah, you did.
Hmm.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Yeah, baby! You decided not to go.
Have you ever been stuck in a van with snowboarders for eight hours? Not pretty.
I I'm gonna go say goodbye to everyone.
Okay.
I'll see you, all right? Hey, is everything okay? Yeah.
Yeah, it's fine.
You don't seem fine.
I don't know.
It's not much fun watching you pay attention to some other guy all night.
I mean, what's your deal? Are you into him? I do have feelings for Campbell, but I have them for you too.
What am I supposed to do with that? I don't know.
Well, let me know when you do.
You gotta be kidding me.
State Senator John Kennish checks into a hotel? Alone? People start to talk.