The Great North (2021) s03e06 Episode Script

1
The Great North,
here we live, oh, oh ♪
Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
From longest night
to longest day ♪
In the Great North. ♪
[cheering]
WOLF:
I guess this is goodbye.
I'll always love you, Honeybee.
Always.
Wolf, it's just a quick trip
to Fresno.
But I'll love you forever, too,
and I'll say your name
whenever I look up at the stars,
and I'll see you in two days.
I wish I could come with you,
but Dad and I
have some emergency maintenance
to do on the boat.
The sonar is being a bo-nar.
And I'd love to help,
but you know Jerry and I
have never missed my parents'
annual Halloween party.
- Not once.
- I get it. It's your favorite holiday.
And you're my favorite husband.
I know there's literally
no competition,
but thank you so much
for saying that. Mwah.
Santiago.
- Mind if I join you?
- Not at all.
I'm headed to San Diego.
My mother escaped from
her assisted living facility.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you find her.
Oh, no. The facility is here.
I'm leaving town
so I won't run into her.
Well, I'm headed to Fresno
with my brother
for my family's
Halloween party tonight.
It's a huge bash.
Everyone in Fresno comes.
Even the mayor.
He's awful, but he comes.
Me and Jerry wouldn't
miss it for the world.
CLERK: Attention, everyone.
There's a major storm offshore.
All outbound planes
are now grounded
- for the next 24 hours.
- [gasps] Oh, no.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Uh, sorry to bother you,
but I got to get home.
Is there any flight out of here
that I can take?
Nothing I can do, sweetie.
I don't control the weather.
- [whispers] The birds do.
- Okay. [phone rings]
- Jerry.
- Hey, Honeybee, I
I was just about to call you.
Our flight is canceled.
All flights are canceled.
Are you here?
No, I hadn't left yet. Dang.
I guess I won't come now.
I'll just go back to playing
Halloween Simulator
on the computer.
Bye, Honeybee.
[sighs] Poor Jerry.
He sounded so upset.
I, too, am bummed out.
I've been practicing
my drink cart order all morning.
"Water with ice, please."
And now for nothing.
Good morning, Ham.
Ready to crush it?
Oh, right.
I forgot Dad lets you eat
as much candy as you want
on Halloween.
Yeah, and I'm crushing it.
Moon, you've got to pace yourself.
- Can it, Beef.
- Okay.
According to the shipment
tracker, our costumes are
one stop away.
I honestly forget
what a new costume feels like.
We've been recycling old ones
for so long.
I can't believe I've had to be
Slimer from Ghostbusters
for the last five years.
But not this year.
Teen Halloween
is about getting some,
and I'm not talking about candy.
- [chuckles]
- And I've always been that ghost
made out of an Alvin
and the Chipmunks sheet,
but, boy, do I love
the one I ordered.
I'll be serving up
a mug of hot look
as Gunther from Friends.
I was happy to use
the little bit of extra cash
we had this year
to get new ones.
I raked the neighbors' leaves
for enjoyment,
but they insisted on paying me.
Except Vera, who had me
charged with leaf theft.
[shouts] They're here!
Hello, I believe
you have our costumes.
I don't know. I'm not allowed
to look in the box.
That would be a felony.
Sometimes I shake 'em,
- but not all the time.
- Wait, is that it?
There are more.
Aren't there more?
That's it. And there's
a storm coming through,
so we're not expecting
anything else today.
Ugh, that's so disappointing.
Yeah, we all have
disappointments.
I wanted to knock on your door
a minute ago,
but you opened it
before I could.
Okay, that doesn't really seem
like the same to me.
You don't know
how much I love knocking.
Okay, all right, whatever.
Bye. Thank you.
Hmm. I don't think
anyone ordered this.
It appears to be a cat costume.
- Dibs. Mine.
- Moon, no. It's a sexy cat costume,
and I've had to be Slimer
my whole life, so I get it.
It's a cute cat costume,
and I need it.
The cuter I am,
the more candy I get.
I lost the green hat
to my pumpkin costume
and I've worn it
so many times, it's brown.
No one wants to give candy
to a brown circle, Judy.
I need it. Crispin is already
coincidentally going
as a laser pointer.
Cats love those little things.
It can be a couples costume.
Honestly, I want it, too.
Yeah, what a cool reason
to drink milk out of a bowl
on the floor.
How about we play
rock paper murder for it?
- Let me get a knife.
- I'm sure we can figure this out
without Moon killing
every single one of us.
I know, Dad,
how about you decide?
We can all try it on and you can
choose who gets to wear it.
Yeah, you can be our judge.
Like Alaska Supreme Court
Justice Dana Fabe.
My God, she handled that snowman
trespassing case with grace.
Sure, I'll watch all
of my children model a unitard
and then pick
who gets to keep it.
- What a perfect day.
- [brakes screech]
Wait, do you hear that? Maybe
our costumes made it after all.
Thanks for the ride, Santiago.
Good luck hiding from your mom.
I will need it.
She is a most skilled hunter.
Honeybee,
what are you doing here?
All flights out were canceled
due to an offshore storm.
Oh, no. But you've never missed
a Halloween with your family.
I know. I've done a lot
of crying since I found out.
I went through all
of Santiago's glove box napkins,
then I blew my nose
into a bumper sticker
- and it got stuck to my face.
- Again? Oh, man.
Oh, I guess that means
Jerry doesn't get to go either?
Nope.
And he's really sad about it.
I guess I'll try to look
on the bright side
and join in on your
Halloween traditions.
What time is
your spooky Halloween feast?
Oh, we usually just have
Hamburger Helper.
I guess it's spooky how much
it makes you go to the bathroom.
Then what?
We hit a haunted house?
We have a scary movie night?
Watch the Hell Toy franchise
where that doll eats children?
Possessed Patsy stays eating.
Most of the time
we just trick-or-treat
for a few hours at the mall.
Do they have zombies
or anything there?
Last year there was
a middle-aged guy
dressed as a Power Ranger.
That sort of freaked me out.
Well, let's at least get
some decorations up around here.
We already decorated.
Did you see
the pumpkin on our porch?
I guess my family goes a little
harder than yours for Halloween.
Halloween is the only thing that
everyone in my family loves.
I never got into the curtain
shop like my parents are,
we all have wildly different
taste in music,
but when Halloween comes around,
my family turns
into the Gilmore Girls.
We share the same passions,
we talk really fast,
and we spend an unhealthy amount
of time with each other.
- [sighs] It's the best.
- Is there anything I can do?
You know what? I think I'm
gonna sit this Halloween out.
I'm just gonna go take a nap.
- [cackles]
- [shouts]
I must be tired.
I'm seeing things.
[clears throat]
Hello.
[screams]
Possessed Patsy?
The cursed doll
who eats children
from my favorite horror
movie franchise Hell Toy?
That's me. But tonight
I play a bigger role.
I'm the Ghost of
[demonic voice] Halloween Past.
- [giggles]
- Sorry, I never know
when Zandack the Underlord
will speak through me.
[laughs] Sorry, I know
I'm supposed to be scared,
but it really makes me giggle.
You won't be laughing
when I munch your entrails.
[giggles]
May I have a juice box?
- [laughs] Uh, you want apple or grape?
- Grape.
So you're the Ghost
of Halloween Past?
- Like from A Christmas Carol?
- [laughs] No.
This is a completely original,
unrelated idea.
I'm here because you lost
your Halloween way.
I've been summoned to
take you on a journey
to reveal to you
the true spirit of Halloween.
Yeah, that also sounds
like A Christmas Carol.
It's not A Christmas Carol,
Honeybee.
Okay, fine. Let's do this thing.
- This is Halloween Past.
- There's me. Can I see me?
HONEYBEE: I mean, I can see
me, but can that me see me?
No one in the memory can see us.
Or help you when I skewer
your eyeholes with kebabs
and serve you to Satan.
[laughs]
I'm not gonna do that.
The Underlord says
a lot of crazy stuff.
- Sorry.
- Don't apologize, Possessed Patsy.
Women should be allowed to
be themselves in the workplace.
HONEYBEE: Aw, Dad's getting
the fake blood ready.
And, look, Mom just walked in
with a bag of bones.
Louis, you got to see what I got
from the medical supplier.
Some of these femurs
look extremely real.
Granny Shaw is hanging
the cobwebs.
[gasps] But, wait,
where is your brother?
Oh, he's outside
carving pumpkins.
That's always been his thing.
See, we all have
our little jobs we do
when getting ready
for Shaw-o-ween.
It's our annual party.
It's the only day of the year my
parents close the curtain shop.
This is only the beginning
of what shall be revealed
over the course
of five more memories.
Five?
No. We can just stop here.
But I have a lesson
for you to learn.
I think I got it already.
You're showing me that
I shouldn't skip Halloween
just because of some storm.
And when I wake up,
I'll go to the mall
and trick-or-treat
with the Tobins or whatever.
Lesson learned.
I won't be a Halloween humbug.
But seeing more memories
of my family
will only make me sadder
right now.
Okay, so that's what
the lesson is?
You think you're smarter than
an ancient possessed plaything?
- Burn in hell.
- Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to offend
No, no, no, no, no, no,
it's fine.
No one trusts women
to do their jobs.
We can get going.
I have a bunch of nightmares
I have to do tonight,
so that's actually great for me.
- Sorry, Patsy.
- You'll be sorry when
I eat your toes
like mini corn dogs.
HAM: Okay.
I have the costume on.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Right. The rules. Uh
Please come down the stairs,
make a straightforward statement
of why you should have it, and
Oh, and sing a quick song
about it.
- Uh, sure, okay.
- Ham, hit it.
Oh, I'll hit it.
My lover Crispin said ♪
He'd be a laser pointer
for Halloween ♪
Then this cat costume came ♪
And I knew
it was meant to be ♪
With tail
and kitty paw gloves ♪
Tonight we'll have nine loves. ♪
I'm convinced.
Ham should get it.
- [full mouth] What? No!
- Dad, we all get a turn.
Right. Well, then,
I'm unconvinced.
Oh, wow.
- What a weird dream.
- GUY FIERI: Tell me about it.
- [screams]
- I love hearing about dreams.
Once, the Barefoot Contessa
told me all her dreams
were about boots.
Really makes you think.
Guy Fieri?
I must still be dreaming.
I appear when you need me,
Honeybee. I'm your Guy.
Oh, no, I'm embarrassed
you're seeing my tiny kitchen.
I bet your kitchen is
huge and has a mechanical
bull in it that you
use to mix up your dips.
Don't be silly, Honeybee.
I keep my mechanical bull in my
rec room like a normal person.
Now we better get going.
Tonight I'm more of a ghost
than a host.
The Ghost of Halloween Present.
Now keep an open mind. Things
might look like a trash can,
but lift the trash can up?
Nachos.
Okay, what we're gonna
see here is the moment
Jerry called you when
you were at the airport.
- He's picking up his phone.
- All right. Here goes.
- GUY: And now he's hesitating.
- No. I don't want to watch it.
I hate seeing my brother sad.
Honeybee. Hey.
- We're not done here.
- But I'm done. I get it.
I should invite my brother
to join me and the Tobins
for Halloween this year.
That's the lesson, right?
Well, sort of. But I also
have a bunch more stuff
to say to you, and I was excited
when I got the script
for this dream.
Later, I get to do an accent.
Maybe you could make me
some Mac Daddy Mac n' Cheese
to help me feel better.
Honeybee, I'm a ghost,
we're standing in a hallway.
I don't have the ingredients.
I mean, think things through.
- Sorry.
- I am recording a song
for my dirt bike
in my free time, though.
I could sing you a little
to calm you down.
Oh, no, I'm good
Your brakes, your engine ♪
Your perfect little wheels ♪
I'll wrap you in a tortilla ♪
And I'll eat you as a meal ♪
When I'm riding my dirt bike,
I feel like a boss ♪
Life on the open road ♪
Now, that's the real
Donkey Sauce ♪
And then I do a sax solo.
[imitates saxophone]
- What do you think?
- It's uh um getting there.
[hissing]
JUDY: Ah, crap. He looks
frickin' adorable.
That's why I must have this.
The cuter the costume,
the greater the candy haul.
I must have more candy!
Is it just me,
or are his pupils vibrating?
Moon, why don't you
just tell me why you need
the costume and then
have one glass of water?
Never! Watch me go
from door to door ♪
Getting candy, getting more ♪
It's never enough,
never enough ♪
Won't stop
till I hit the floor. ♪
[snoring]
Well, we knew this was coming.
He made it to 2:00 p.m.
this year.
I'll take him up for a nap
and come back as a cat.
Oh, be sure to leave
a couple mini Snickers
in his pillow case
for when he wakes up.
It's very dangerous for him
to go cold turkey.
The cat's out of the bag.
This costume fits me
purr-fectly. [chuckles]
I'm obviously the pick
of the kitty litter.
Oh, wait, actually,
I guess that would mean
that I'm like a poop.
But maybe I'm like
a cool sexual poop who
No. You know what? Never mind.
No, no, no, no.
I'm just gonna do
my statement now.
Oh, I thought that
that wasn't your statement?
All right, okay, here we go.
Well, here's a little story
I'd like to tell ♪
About a big green costume
you know so well ♪
It looks really stupid
and it smushes my face ♪
And absolutely no one wants to
go to third base with Slimer. ♪
How would you even do that?
Like, where is third base
on that guy?
You know what I mean?
Judy, stop.
You can have the costume.
Sounds like you're
going through a lot.
What? No.
I haven't even gone yet.
Oh, right. I forgot
that my married adult son
also wants this cat costume.
Being a talent show judge
is hard.
Howie Mandel makes it look
so effortless.
- [front door opens]
- [all gasp]
I'm back. And to answer
your first question,
I have no idea
how I got outside,
but I feel refreshed
and I'm ready for more candy.
[screams]
Don't be alarmed. It's just
your friendly neighborhood
Grim Reaper of death.
Okay, you still look alarmed.
We can work through this.
So, you're the
Ghost of Halloween Future.
- How did you know?
- I've seen this movie
and the remake
and the Muppets version.
Why are you all surprised
I know this stuff?
Literally everyone
knows this story.
Well, I'm here because
I have a lesson to teach you.
Right. Okay. So far,
I know that I should still
celebrate Halloween today,
and I should invite my brother
so he doesn't feel left out.
Let's see what else
you've got to add, Grim.
Why are we back
at my brother's place?
But is it your brother's place?
Whoa. Why is Cheesecake here?
And why is he naked?
- And where is my brother?
- New Mexico.
That's where he lives now.
Cheesecake took over his lease.
Ooh, look at that,
big sale at Vodka World.
Now, where are my pants?
We're in the future, remember?
And today is Halloween.
So, Jerry moved away, and he
doesn't even visit me on Halloween?
I said I'd invite him
to the festivities today.
- What the heck?
- The answer you seek lives within me,
so let me show you who I am.
- Can you hold my scythe?
- Sure.
[gasps] Girl, you're me?
Wait, I'm the answer? Oh
Patsy said you guys were showing
me the true spirit of Halloween,
and the true spirit is me.
I can't just join in
on the Tobin traditions.
I have to bring my family's party
Shaw-o-ween to Lone Moose.
Nope, that's not exactly
the lesson
Oh, she's gone.
Damn, that girl stole my scythe.
Ah! What day is it?
Oh, good, it's still Halloween.
I can fix this. Ooh, and J.Lo
shut down the red carpet
in a barely there skort?
[groans] Can't read that now.
Later, later.
Let me begin.
I walk like a cat,
I jump like a cat ♪
- [grunting]
- [other groaning]
- Son, you okay?
- Oh, my back.
I don't want it.
I don't want the cat.
Guys, I have to save Hallo
Wolf, why are you on the
floor in a cat costume?
Oh don't worry about me.
What's up?
I don't have to go to Fresno
to feel the Halloween spirit
because the spirit
lives within me.
I'm gonna throw
my own Shaw-o-ween party
- here at the house tonight.
- Incredible.
What should Aah! we do?
Oh, you guys
don't have to do anything.
- This is my area of expertise.
- Perfect, because I cannot move.
[laughs]
Good luck, my spooky sweetie.
- [groans]
- Okay, Dad, time to choose.
- Who wins the cat costume?
- Hmm.
You were all really convincing.
I need time to decide.
I'll take the costume to my room
and give it a think.
Oh, my.
The winner is me. ♪
- Wait, you get the costume?
- Dad, no!
- Fetch my hammer.
- I'm sorry, children,
but for certain reasons
that I cannot disclose,
the costume chose me.
Is it 'cause your ding dong
looks great in that cat leotard?
What? No. I
Look out!
Dang. Can't believe he
got us with "look out."
[sighs] Well, slimed again.
Time to go stuff a pack
of hot dogs in my mouth.
Saving Halloween,
saving Halloween ♪
Gettin' stuff for the party
'cause I'm saving Halloween. ♪
Hey, Jerry. Come to the Tobins
as soon as you get this message.
I'm gonna save Halloween,
and you don't have
to move to New Mexico.
WOLF:
I wonder what Honeybee's
up to in there. I think
we're in for a real treat,
it's been a long time.
It's like she doesn't even care
how cold we are out here.
That's how into Halloween
she is.
I hope there's something spooky,
like a pipe-cleaner spider
hanging from the ceiling.
Aw, Honeybee, I love
your costume. What are you?
I'm muffin butt trouble.
Get it?
I'm a muffin
with hemorrhoid cream.
Because I've got butt trouble.
Wait, where is the muffin's butt?
Great question,
but let's table it for now
because I can't wait
to show you what I've done.
And now, for the first time
in Lone Moose, Shaw-o-ween.
[Tobins whimpering]
WOLF: Oh, gonna barf.
What are these eyeballs
made out of?
Eyeballs. From the meat market.
[gags] Hey. Cool.
I have a new worst moment.
- Isn't it fun to be this scared?
- [phone ringing]
Ooh, it's Jerry. Jerry, hi.
Kids, get the kerosene.
We're burning this terrifying
house down right now.
Great news, Jerry. I brought
Shaw-o-ween to Lone Moose.
Um, wh-what
are you talking about?
We're having Mom and Dad's
party at the Tobins.
- Hurry up and get here.
- Actually I can't come.
What? But I did it.
The Tobins' house
looks exactly like our parents'
house usually looks.
You don't have to be sad
anymore. Why aren't you coming?
Oh, just because. Don't worry
about me. Have fun, Honeybee.
Jerry's not coming?
Huh. What am I missing?
I have to go back to the
guest house to take another nap.
I need to see those ghosts again
and figure out
what's up with my brother.
Thank God I can nap on command.
Ever since I was hypnotized
by that magician
on my 12th birthday,
I just have to whisper
"Camelback" and
[snores]
I-I'm up. Off I go.
Got to go back to sleep
and figure out why Jerry
doesn't want to come
to my Halloween party.
[whispers] Camelback.
Honeybee, what do you want?
This is our break.
We were watching a clip of J.Lo
shutting down the red carpet
with a barely there skort.
Yeah, I'm definitely checking
that out later,
but, guys and Guy,
I know you were trying
to show me something earlier
and I got it wrong, so show me
all the things
I said to skip last time.
Oh, so now you want me to do the
job I'm more than qualified for?
How about I jump rope
with your large intestine?
I'm sorry I rushed you guys.
I thought I knew
what point you were making.
Well, haunted dolls
have feelings, too.
Do you want me
to whip you up a snack, Patsy?
- I want buttered noodles.
- Guys, please, let's go.
We're back at my parents'?
Oh, I remember this party.
One of the best nights
of my life.
Maybe for you, but look.
Oh, Jerry,
can you give me a hand?
- [screaming]
- [Ruth laughing]
- I gave you a hand.
- Why?!
Wait, Jerry is upset?
Why is Jerry upset?
Let's see another year.
Now, this is a sad one.
My grandmother actually passed
away the day before Halloween,
and we decided to have the
party anyway as her funeral
because she loved Halloween
so much.
- This is your grandma's real funeral?
- [chuckles] Sure is.
Keep an eye on Jerry
here, too, Honeybee.
- Gotcha. I'm alive.
- [screaming]
- Happy Halloween. [laughs]
- Why?!
I got you guys, too. See?
It was all a joke.
Why is she?
Why would you guys?
No offense, but your family's
really creeping me out,
and I'm a haunted doll
who eats children.
I never noticed
how upset Jerry gets.
My turn. Let's preheat this oven
back to Halloween Present.
Playing Halloween Simulator
on the computer.
Bye, Honeybee.
Yes! Did you hear that, Pumpky?
I finally get to have
a nice Halloween.
We can be happy.
[gasps] Jerry didn't want to go
to Fresno at all.
You missed stuff in my part, too.
And so that's how I ended up
moving here to New Mexico,
to avoid ever having
to spend Halloween
with my sister
or my parents again.
Our family is scattered
to the winds on Halloween,
- and it is all my fault.
- Totally your fault.
I got to fix this. But how?
You know, Honeybee,
there are nights
where we've had to shut down
one of my restaurants
due to flavor overload.
You want flavor,
but if you have too much flavor,
then you've got
Aunt Beverly passing out
from sheer delight, and then
no one's having fun anymore.
Maybe it's time to consider
serving your brother
a Halloween that's just
a little less smothered
in my signature
Cumin Lime Mojo sauce.
Yes, that's it.
Thank you, Guy Fieri.
Let's wake up.
Hey, Jerrybee.
Thank you for agreeing to come.
The party's about to start,
but I won't make you stay
or look at all
the decorations inside.
- Is this a trick?
- No.
I realized that me and the rest
of our family
have always pushed
all this scary stuff on you,
and it freaks you out. I know
how much you hate Halloween.
But I don't hate Halloween.
I just hate
our family's version of Halloween.
I'm a Hallo-weenie, okay?
And I don't like getting scared.
Why have you never told me this?
Well, I always wanted
to get into it with you guys,
but this being my first year
away from home,
I thought maybe instead
of being terrified,
I could spend Halloween
just being Jerry.
Jerrified. And the truth is,
I was never even going to
come to the airport today.
That's what I was calling
to tell you this morning.
Shaw-o-ween is behind me now.
Well, it makes me kind of sad,
but I'd be sadder thinking I was
scaring the crap out of you
every year and, as a result,
you'd move to New Mexico.
- What?
- Oh, never mind,
it's just something
Guy Fieri showed me.
- What?!
- Nothing. So, tell me,
what would your perfect
Jerrified Halloween be?
Well, I was gonna do
a Halloween movie night.
Twitches with
Tia and Tamera Mowry.
Then Devil Wears Prada.
Devil Wears Prada
isn't a Halloween movie, Jerry.
The way Miranda Priestly acts
in an office environment
chills me to the bone.
And, Honeybee,
this kind of judgment
is why I didn't want
to tell you this stuff.
You're right, you're right.
Here, I got you something.
I thought we could carve
them together. [gasps]
- [Honeybee gasps]
- JERRY: Uh Oh, no. Who is this dude?
- Die!
- [Jerry screaming]
- Die!
- No, no, no, no, no!
[screams] Why, why, why, why?
I-I'm just a Halloween-o-gram.
Please calm down.
I was sent by
a Ruth and Louis Shaw.
Our parents got me again?!
Why?!
Oh, I'm not safe anywhere!
Thank you for your time, sir.
I loved it.
- [panicked breathing]
- Jerry. Jerry. You got to calm down.
You know what?
Why don't you just stay out here
and greet the party guests
as they arrive?
I think I know some other people
who would join you.
Wolf, Beef, guys.
WOLF: Sorry, we were hiding
from your decorations.
Yeah, I'm kind of realizing
today that not everybody
likes to do Halloween
the way I do.
- You guys want to keep Jerry company out here?
- Hi, Beef. Great costume.
Since when did
they put the tail in the front?
[giggles]
Don't worry, babe.
I'll tone it down next year.
Oh, no, no, no, you're
definitely going to Fresno
next year, my Casper
the Lovely Ghost.
This was terrifying,
and we did not enjoy it.
Here's my kind of decorations.
- A light up-sign. It says "boo."
- Ugh.
And here's
my Frankenstein candy bowl.
You press the bolts on his neck
and Skittles come out.
- I hate it.
- This is kind of scary.
- It's a ghost and a bat.
- Why are they holding hands?
They're in love.
And look, my coat rack
is a skeleton.
It looks like he's waving.
Hi, Honeybee.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
We should find out
if you're adopted.
This Dracula sings
"Disturbia" by Rihanna.
- Please don't press that button.
- Oh, I'm pressing it.
- I'm pressing it.
- No, no!
- Pressed.
- Time to get Jerrified. ♪