The Other Two (2019) s03e06 Episode Script
Brooke Goes to Space
1
[GRUNTS] Help!
- My nachos!
- [DOOR OPENS]
Hey, baby girl. How you feeling?
Maybe ready to go back to work?
Not that I want you out of the house.
I mean, at this point,
I don't think I could fall asleep
without the sound of you sobbing.
[CRYING] He just broke my heart,
and now I'm the most
sad anyone's ever been.
Well, maybe going back to work
- will take your mind off it
- [BLOWS NOSE]
Or even doing something simple,
- like changing your underwear.
- [BLOWS NOSE]
Hey, let's at least
do the underwear one.
I can't. I just want to watch TV.
You've watched everything on TV.
HBO, Hulu, Apple
it's all been watched.
Well, I was thinking
about checking out Peacock.
I like the font on their main page.
Okay, no!
You need to get out of this house now.
Maybe find Shuli. Go hang with Shuli.
[MUFFLED] It's just the things
he said to me were not okay.
He was like, "If you got a problem,
you're supposed to sit
down and talk to me."
[SCOFFS] Can you believe
that? He's a bad man.
- So you're not here to work?
- I'm not ready.
Oh, and then he was like,
"I want a partner who's honest."
[SCOFFS] Okay, Ted Bundy.
Listen, Brooke, I need you to leave,
'cause I'm busy and you smell violent.
- It's the nachos.
- It's not.
Why don't you go see what Cary's up to?
Go hang with Cary.
Like, seriously, the
narrative is that Lance
is this lovable goofball,
but behind closed doors,
he calls you the F word all the time.
That does sound like him,
but, uh, maybe you should,
uh, go find Mom, 'cause
I'm at Disney right now.
Ah, Cary, we're ready for you.
- Oh.
- And sorry about that smell.
Jeez, I don't know what that is.
- It's the nachos.
- No, it's not.
I-I-I'm a winner ♪
Cary, we are thrilled you came in,
because we want to talk to you
about the offer of a lifetime
a powerful gay role
in Disney's next film.
- Whoa. Really?
- Yeah.
'Cause my boyfriend just
got nominated for a Tony
for an important gay role he's doing,
so it would be nice to also tackle
something meaningful for the community.
My last few roles have been whatever.
Um, so I'd love to not just
act but make a difference.
I-I think that's been the problem.
Well, then this should be
perfect for everyone involved.
- Yeah.
- So, as you're probably aware,
our wildly successful
"Haunted Buddies" franchise
has gotten some flak for not
having any queer characters.
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- But we at Disney
are committed to fixing
that grave mistake now.
Yes, so, in addition to
our beloved core characters
of Wolfy, Vampira,
and Dr. Baggo Bones
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- For "Haunted Buddies 4,"
we are adding
- Globby.
- That's right.
Globby will be the "Haunted Buddies"
first-ever openly queer character.
Sorry, so this this
goo i-is homosexual?
- The goo is homosexual.
- Isn't that incredible?
Yes. No, very cool.
Um, and how exactly is he gay?
Because he he sort
of just looks like, uh
sexless green snot.
Great question
because we've also gotten
some flak for saying a character is gay
and then not really showing it,
which is why in "Haunted Buddies 4,"
we're including a groundbreaking scene
where Vampira opens the
door to Globby's bedroom,
and we see Globby in
bed with another glob.
Which is huge I mean,
for Disney to include a scene
as unapologetically gay as this?
Right? I mean, two globs in bed
it doesn't get more gayer than that.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No. Yes, uh
it's just, how is that visual gay
the two globs in bed?
Like, does the other glob talk
and have, like, a male voice or
No, but if Globby was straight,
when Vampira opened the door,
then he'd be in bed with a human woman,
But he's not. He's in
bed with another glob.
Yeah.
So he's gay.
No, right, right.
And, like, he's not even a doctor, Mom.
He's a nurse, which, not to be whatever,
but gay much?
Which has to be the root of this.
It's not that I'm wrong. It's he's gay.
Yes, Brooke, but I can't talk right now
because I'm taping an interview
for "CBS Saturday Morning."
Sorry, yeah, I-I'm
gonna need you to get up.
- You are very much in the shot.
- Oh, don't be sorry.
[GRUNTS] It's Lance who should be sorry.
It's just
he really hurt me, you know?
- Push in.
- What?
But I am finally ready
to break my silence
and the music would be in here
because if I can help even one woman
- now pan down to my hands.
- No.
Do not pan down to her
hands. Steven, can you
- BOTH: Okay.
- Oh, God, you stink.
I'm so sorry.
She's just having a really hard time.
But I promise, if you'd
met her 30, 31 years ago,
you'd have really loved her.
All right, let's just pick it up
from the next question.
- Yeah.
- Okay, so tell me, Pat
what is it like being
a single woman again?
- Oh
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Well, I-I am trying
to get back out there,
but I have to say, it's
been a little hard for me.
I mean, I have a security detail
that follows me everywhere.
I can't eat in restaurants like normal,
so it just makes dating
a regular person tough.
- They don't all like that.
- Mm.
So I just need to find a person
who isn't bothered by
fame, someone more like me.
Wait, someone more like me
this is what I've been saying.
Lance was the problem.
A strong, powerful businesswoman
can't be with a simple nurse
- [SCOFFS]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[LINE TRILLING]
- Hello.
- Shuli, I'm ready.
- To come back to work?
- No, to date.
Who is the most powerful
businessman you know?
Set me up
[SIGHS] With his boss.
So gay globs are
attracted to other globs,
and straight globs are
attracted to human women?
So Globby just being in bed
with another glob is inherently gay?
- Now you get it.
- That's exactly right.
But, l-look, I-I think we're
getting a little in the weeds here.
Globby the Glob is a
proud queer sack of mucus,
and in this movie, we see him in bed
with another proud queer sack of mucus.
And since this is our first film
with such an unapologetically gay scene,
we're doing a massive press push
to let the whole world know.
- Oh, you are?
- Yes.
So, if you're in, it will
be a bit of a whirlwind.
I-I mean, the media is gonna
have a field day with this.
And you and Globby
will basically be the
face of the whole movie.
So the question is, do
you want to be the face
of a whole Disney movie?
The face? Whoa.
- For all of the press?
- Mm-hmm.
You know, I can sort of see
how that logic makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, Globby's gay 'cause
he's in bed with another glob.
If he was straight, he'd be in
bed with a human woman and
Sorry, yeah, I'm just remembering
the human woman of it all,
and and it does make sense.
Okay, wow, this is actually beautiful.
Vampira opens the door, and
and they're in bed together.
That that is important
and and unapologetically gay.
And I'd be the voice of it? Oh, my God.
I'm the voice of Disney's
first-ever unapologetically
gay character?
Okay. Yes, I am in.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
And I am actually free,
if we wanted to start press now?
I mean, sure, Globby haunts
with the rest of the Buddies,
but then there is this scene that
and I was actually
skeptical of it at first,
but it's just unapologetically gay,
and it is an honor to be the face of it.
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
Some folks are born
made to wave the flag ♪
Ooh, they're red, white and blue ♪
And I think once the movie comes out,
audiences are gonna see
this incredibly relatable
queer character in Globby.
You know, he's out, he's proud,
he's a collection of dust
particles and snot and
- Oh, Cary Dubek.
- Cary Dubek?
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
I ain't no senator's son, son ♪
I basically demanded
Disney give me this role.
I mean, I really do think
that Globby could do for movies
what "Pose" did for TV, hopefully.
[VOICE SHAKES] Sorry, it makes
me emotional talking about it.
But when the taxman come to the door ♪
Lord, the house lookin'
like a rummage sale, yeah ♪
It ain't me ♪
I ain't no fortunate one, no ♪
♪
[CRYING] I just if I could have seen
a character like Globby
when I was younger,
it it really could
have changed my life.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
I wish my dad were alive to see Globby.
- Jesus.
- Penthouse floor.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Brooke. Hey, come on in.
Wow. Don't mind if I do.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm a genius.
- So
- [SCOFFS]
- This is the place.
- I see.
[CHUCKLES] God, it is so nice
to be dating a powerful
businessperson like me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
My ex is a nurse, so
I think that just led
to this huge disconnect.
Anyway, what's it like
being a tech billionaire?
Oh, he'll tell you all about it.
Uh, uh, sorry. You're not my date?
Oh, no. He's your date.
[GRUNTING] Look how high I am!
- Uh
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, um
- So fucking high.
- Hello up there!
- Oh, shit.
Uh, I'm Brooke.
Aren't I so, so high?
No, yes, you are very high.
Fuck, yes, I am.
Sorry, the date's us rock climbing?
Just him. You're here to watch.
Don't let her come up! Stop her!
It it's okay. It's
okay. I'm not coming up.
I am not coming up. [CHUCKLES]
Jesus.
- Yes!
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Time!
- Time!
And that's how you
play Celebrity, bitch.
Oh, my God, okay. All right, sit down.
- Sit down.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
I'm so glad you could come tonight.
I haven't seen you in
forever. How are things?
Oh, so crazy.
All this Globby press has been insane.
I haven't had a chance
to come up for air,
- like, all week.
- Oh oh, wow.
And then today Ted Cruz
tweeted about Globby
and said "Haunted
Buddies" was disgusting,
so now I'm in the center
of this Twitter firestorm,
which is so stupid. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, I hadn't seen that.
Yeah, I guess it's what comes
with being a leader
in the community now.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay, Cary's turn.
- Ooh!
- All right, let's go, Cary.
60 seconds.
- Okay.
- Okay. Ready?
And go.
- All right, come on, Cary.
- Come on, Cary.
Um, pass.
Okay, all right.
Um, pass.
- Oh, oh, um
- Oh, okay.
Uh, James Franco, uh,
was in a movie about him.
Uh, I don't know. Give me more.
Uh
pass.
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Phew. Okay.
How many did we get?
Well, out of 30 names,
you could only describe
Sandra Bullock, so one.
Oh, sorry. I'm a
I'm a better guesser.
[SPARSE LAUGHTER]
[GRUNTING]
So
where are you from?
Stop talking! I need to focus!
[PHONE VIBRATING]
Oh.
Hey, Mom. What's up?
I know we were both trying
to date people more like us,
so what hell are you in?
No, I'm on a private
plane with Simu Liu.
Sorry, like, Simu Liu from
the full Marvel Universe?
Yep, he reached out
after my big interview.
We actually have a lot in common.
- [CLATTER]
- Ah, oh!
I mean, he has even
more security than me,
so he just really gets
what it's like to be famous,
which is what I need in a man.
Anyway, I'm on the
Marvel plane right now,
headed to a huge fan
convention in Malaysia,
and then we go to Japan
and then I think Stockholm?
- [SCOFFS]
- I don't know. I'm not sure.
I'm basically just traveling
the world with Simu Liu.
Wait, have you two had sex?
Yes, we have. He's an excellent lover.
Plus, he's in really good shape,
I think because he has to
work out every 45 minutes,
or Marvel is legally allowed
to put him down and recast him.
I can't believe this.
But he does spend a lot of
time on the jet for his safety.
We haven't really been outside in days.
Cool. Anyway, yeah.
My date's really great, too.
Yeah, he's a really sweet,
salt-of-the-earth kind of dude.
I should actually get back
to him, so, um, bye-bye now.
- Bye.
- Who was that?
- Did you tell 'em how high I am?
- Yeah, sorry.
I really need this to work.
So do you think that we could
maybe do something together?
Like, maybe where I can
actually see your face?
- Is this better?
- Fuck.
I mean, yes.
I told my doctor to
give me the biggest lips
of any man and the highest eyebrows.
And he sure did.
Okay, okay. Uh, this person is gay.
Ellen! Uh, NPH!
- Uh, Ben Platt!
- No.
He's a writer. He's an activist.
He wrote he wrote "Go
Tell It on the Mountain."
- Oh, James Baldwin.
- Yes.
Oh, yes, that's right.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Uh, this queen is a full star
- Ben Platt! NPH! Uh, Ellen!
- No.
And for the last time, not one of us put
Ben Platt, Ellen, or NPH in the bowl.
Okay, okay, um, she's got great skin,
and she's on a bomb new Paramount+ show.
ALL: Oh, Curtis Paltrow!
Oh, my God. Who put me in?
I'm blushing.
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Time.
Oh, yeah, how is your show going?
Well, um, we're shooting
episode five right now,
and it's good, it's good.
Working with Ashley Tisdale
is a little tough, though,
'cause she's not so much a scene partner
- as she is as a scene adversary.
- Oh, my God.
They want me on the news right now.
- What?
- What?
Yeah, yeah, to talk about
all this anti-gay Globby backlash.
So dumb.
Anyway, I should do it,
just 'cause I don't want
to let the community down,
since Globby has weirdly become
this queer icon or whatever.
Yeah, I'm surprised
Globby wasn't in the bowl.
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, no. God, no.
That would have been embarrassing.
Yeah, no.
All right, well, you guys keep playing.
Um, I'm just gonna go Zoom into the news
in the other room. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, and if you guys could keep it down
to a whisper, that'd be great.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
He's he's really a sweet guy.
Anderson. Hello.
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
So you like the restaurant?
I rented out the entire
place just for the two of us.
Done. Ha, I beat you.
[SCOFFS LOUDLY]
Uh, yeah. Very cool.
A true perk of dating a
successful businessperson
like me.
Um, actually, my ex
was a nurse, so he
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] A nurse is nothing.
How much good can one stinking nurse do?
I'm building hundreds of hospitals.
Oh, you are? That's impressive.
- Good for you.
- Yeah, in the metaverse.
So you're not building hospitals?
Ooh, there's a playground out there.
- Quick, time me on the slide.
- What? Time you on what, now?
I bet you I can go down it
faster than that stupid fucking baby!
Yeah, I bet you can?
Sorry, are we still on a date?
I just I would really
love it if you could help me
make this even a little more successful,
just 'cause my mom is on a
full private jet with Simu
Private jet? [SCOFFS] I can top that.
What? How can you top that?
- Oh, my God, we're in space.
- I'm the highest man alive!
Curtis, hi.
Hey, it was so good
seeing you the other week,
even though you were mostly on the news.
Yeah, sorry, this whole
thing has been so crazy.
I've barely been able to
BOTH: Come up for air. Yeah.
Hey, listen, do you want to get dinner
with me and my friends tonight?
You know, spend some actual
time together? I miss you.
Um, sure, yeah.
Uh, and then my premiere
is actually tonight.
So, afterwards, you should
just all come to that.
Oh, um, yeah. Okay, sure, yeah.
Or wait, hold on.
Patty, how much longer do
you think this will take?
Uh, a few hours.
I still have to add
"Globby" to the bottom.
Damn, okay.
Uh, Curtis, I'm actually not
gonna be able to make dinner,
so I'll just meet you
guys at the premiere.
- Wait, what?
- And heads up
Westboro is now gonna
be protesting there
because they saw me on the news.
So stupid. Anyway, I will
see you guys there tonight.
Uh, yeah, okay. Uh, bye.
- Bye.
- [LINE BEEPS]
Sorry, I think we now have
to go to the premiere
of "Haunted Buddies 4."
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
- Hey, Mom!
- Oh, hi, honey.
I was just calling you to see
how all the dating is going.
I mean, absolutely not as good as you.
Aw.
But hopefully tonight's guy is better.
How's jetting around
the world with Simu?
Oh, I don't know.
It was pretty fun at first,
but now I'm kind of having a hard time.
I just I don't really know where I am
or when I am anymore?
The sun just keeps rising and setting.
Like, I think it's
tomorrow and yesterday.
- Ma'am.
- And I told Simu
we could maybe eat a
meal together off the jet
if we both wore the prosthetics,
but Simu said he tried that
after "Shang-Chi" came out,
- but some Marvel fans still knew it was him.
- How?
I guess one of them had started living
in his walls, so she heard the plan.
Marvel fans are not well, Brookie.
Well, other than that, it sounds great.
So just relax and enjoy yourself.
You are insanely lucky.
No, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
I am lucky. I'm lucky.
Oh, I got to go, hon.
Simu's doing a panel in
Tokyo, and our security team
said I can go as long
as I'm completely hidden,
so they're gonna zip
me up into a suitcase
so I can watch, or at least listen.
- Okay, well, have fun. Bye.
- Bye!
- And say hi to Streeter for me
- [LINE BEEPING]
- [SIGHS]
- Ready?
- [ZIPPER OPENS]
- [LAUGHTER]
[SIGHS]
- Brooke?
- Okay, damn.
[CHUCKLES] I'm liking the look of this.
[CHUCKLES]
Although, um, I know that
you're an app developer
or whatever, but you're
not a billionaire, right?
Just stay a humble millionaire?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yes, I'm just a millionaire.
- Okay. Whew!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
But not just one million, right?
No, I have more than one million.
Okay, cool. [CHUCKLES]
Not to be rude, it's just
BOTH: Having only a million dollars
is actually kind of poor.
- What?
- Okay, jinx.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Now you have to buy me a Coke.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Over here. Over here.
You know, I have to say,
this is a historic night.
We at GLAAD are just so excited
to see Disney's first-ever
unapologetically gay scene.
And we are here to demand that scene
- be taken out of the movie!
- Yeah!
[TOGETHER, CHANTING] Take it out!
[TOGETHER, CHANTING] Leave it in!
- Take it out!
- Leave it in!
Oh, God. Where are they?
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Hey.
Oh, great. There you are!
- Yeah.
- You're late.
Yeah, that's because you just added this
to our already-scheduled dinner.
Uh, sorry, we know, but we're here now.
Okay, are you guys ready to step
into an absolute
inferno? Let's hold hands.
Wait, I'm I'm sorry. Are
we walking the red carpet?
Yes! Hello, Globby Nation!
Uh, me and my friends are here to say
that we are not afraid
of today's protests
because we are all strong, gay men.
- I'm actually bi.
- Uh, I don't use gay.
Shh, I got this.
Okay, let's all get
in for a pic and say,
"We're here, we're queer, we're Globby!"
[CHUCKLES] Great.
Okay, please head inside.
The premiere will begin shortly.
All right, time to
watch history be made.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Jesus Christ.
- Take it out!
- Hi.
And, yeah, I mean, I did just get
out of a ten-year relationship
that ravaged me emotionally.
- But
- Hmm.
Now I am single and loving it.
[CHUCKLES] And I got to say
I really love how both your
lips touch when you chew.
- It has been very clutch, visually.
- [CHUCKLES] Thank you?
I was actually at this same restaurant
a week ago with a full billionaire,
and his lips looked like two fat slugs
had fallen asleep on his face.
And he took me to outer
space? It was not good.
Uh, what's with these billionaires?
It's like the split second
they get all that money,
their brain just seeps
out of their skull?
I think that's literally what happens.
[BOTH LAUGH]
So, yes, I am glad you are not one.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, that's work calling, which is weird.
I don't need to take it.
No, go ahead. It's fine.
Yeah?
And I will head to
the little girls' room
to freshen up, so we can move this back
- to your place?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Hello?
- [MUZAK PLAYING]
- [HUMMING ALONG]
Wait, what's that? What are
you what are you saying, Ted?
Ah. Ma, ma, ma. [LIPS POPPING]
Oh, my God. Our app sold?
Our app just fully
sold? Right this sec
Okay, back to my millionaire I go.
Hmm.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES] Hmm.
- Wait, where did
- Yes! Look how high I am!
Wait. What the fuck is going on?
I'm a billionaire, baby.
- What?
- Fuck, yes!
Since when?
And how do you already have lip filler?
- I'm so confused.
- No, I'm confused.
Oh, my God, we're not going back
to your place anymore now, are we?
No, we're going somewhere even better.
We're going to
I'm in space!
[SIGHS] My fucking God.
It's worse than we feared, Vampira!
We must hurry. His weapon
will soon be fully powered.
- We are running out of time.
- I'll round up the others.
Okay, here it comes.
It's right after this.
- [HOWLS]
- [SNORES]
Globby, let's go. We're
late for the mission.
Okay.
Oh, wow. [CHUCKLES]
That's Professor
Sinister's castle there!
Okay, tell me when. So excited to see!
Yeah, tell me when! Eeeeh!
What do you mean? That that was it.
Were you not watching?
Wait. What did he say?
- He said that was it.
- What was it?
He said it already happened.
But when? And, also, where?
I think he said it was before this
Yeah, he said it already happened.
- Cary said it happened.
- He said it happened.
Wait, uh, Cary, I'm
hearing the scene happened?
What was it? Sorry.
We just want to tell
people we support it!
Wait, shit, we missed the scene?
We all wanted to throw eggs at it!
Shh, the movie's still happening.
- Yeah, be quiet.
- Yeah.
- No, wait, can we pause it?
- What?
I want to get to the bottom of this!
Yeah, maybe let's bring up the lights?
- I-I'm just so confused.
- Yeah, bring up the lights.
- [LIGHTS THUD]
- Sorry, uh, help me out, Car!
Where was the unapologetically gay scene
you've been telling press about?
- Yes, where is the scene?
- Uh
Yeah, where is the scene?
I mean, I I don't
know what else to say.
[SCOFFS] It was right there
the two gay globs in bed together.
That was it?
Uh, how are we supposed
to know they were gay?
- Nothing about the scene was gay.
- Yeah-huh.
I mean, if Globby was straight,
he would have been in
bed with a human woman.
What? That that's, like, glob logic
that none of us could possibly know.
Wait, so you're saying in this universe,
straight globs are
attracted to human women,
and gay globs are
attracted to other globs?
- Yes?
- [AUDIENCE GROANS]
So how are glob babies made?
A straight glob has
sex with a human woman,
and that makes a baby glob?
But wouldn't that be
a half-human-half-glob?
- How are full globs made?
- Oh, yeah, good call.
- Well
- You know what?
If you guys want to take
the scene out, it's fine.
No, dude, you can totally leave it in.
- Sorry we got so riled up.
- It's not your fault.
Uh, there uh, there was
actually more to the scene.
- Oh.
- Shh, shh, shh.
But Disney, um they cut it.
- Oh.
- Oh. Oh, okay, then.
- Oh, my God.
- That makes sense.
Disney does suck. What was cut?
- Yeah, what, what was cut?
- Uh
My glob, um sucked
the other glob's dick?
- What?
- No.
- What?
- In a kids' movie?
No, I'm joking. I'm joking.
Uh, but, uh, what was cut was, um
- So
- All right, you know what?
Um, you guys must be famished
from all that protesting,
so what do you say
you all go get dinner?
I mean, I could eat.
- You like pizza?
- Yeah.
Hey, I'm I'm Mark, by the way.
Hey, I'm Terry.
Ladies and gentlemen, please be patient.
We will have the
Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.
That was so funny.
Okay, great. That's 48 and 49
Ooh, we're right above
Ohio, where I used to live.
Yuck. So lucky you got out of there.
- [INTERCOM CHIMES]
- Okay, Simu.
We'll be landing in Chicago
for your next panel soon.
Pat, if you want to watch,
you should zip into your
suitcase in the next ten.
- [INTERCOM CHIMES]
- Oh, okay.
Ooh, look, a rocket
heading back to Earth!
I wonder who's on that.
Yeah! I did it! I was so high!
I am better than all other
men! Me am the most man!
Oh, my God, shut the fuck up!
I cannot believe I have been
to full space twice in one week!
Like, what the actual fuck, dude?
You stupid men just
get a shit ton of money
and pop on a little cowboy hat
and ride a dentist's chair to space?
Like, what is this for?
Like, you don't have to
do as much good as a nurse
or whatever, but, uh, my
God, y'all just do no good?
I do good. I've already drawn up
plans to build dozens of schools.
- Oh, you have?
- Yeah, in the metaverse.
Jesus Christ!
Ugh! You all just have all
the money and the power,
and you do nothing.
You do nothing.
- And aren't you like me?
- God
I mean, I thought so, but clearly not!
No, I mean, you're a manager.
You represent Pat Dubek and ChaseDreams.
Don't they have, like, a
billion dollars together?
Yeah, I mean, they probably do, but
And you represent them,
which means that you have power,
and you have access to
their money and power.
So what are you doing with all of it?
Oh, my God.
I didn't need to leave
the industry to do good.
I can do good using the industry.
[GASPS]
[SHIP RATTLING]
[LINE BEEPING, TRILLING]
- Hello?
- Shuli? It's Brooke.
You are not gonna believe
this, but a straight man
actually just taught me something,
and I think I might be
ready to come back to work.
- Oh, good.
- Yep.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to
revolutionize the entire industry.
I am going to use my power
for good.
I mean, if you need more time
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Fuck.
Cary, hold hold up. Wait.
[SCOFFS]
Are are you okay?
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, they really did cut
more gay stuff from the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
no, no, I'm sure they did.
Oh, my God, wait, did
Westboro still egg you?
- Oh, no, GLAAD did.
- Oof.
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
Um, hey, would you want to get a drink?
I feel like it would be good to talk.
Oh, thanks, but I'm I'm tired.
I think I'm just gonna
head home, pass out.
Yeah. Uh, okay.
- Good night, Cary.
- Night.
Oh, my God, my jacket.
You know, it's actually better
that you can't tell that Globby's gay
because his sexuality is
beside the point on purpose.
And, uh, if you just give
me one more press cycle,
I can explain how.
- Yeah.
- God.
[THE MIDI MAFIA'S "I HOPE YOU HEAR ME"]
I hope they hear me.
I hope they hear me.
♪
- Ugh, it's too late.
- Too late.
- It's too late.
- Yeah, yeah.
Whoo, keepin' my
freak, keep dreamin' ♪
They gonna keep thievin',
they gonna keep schemin' ♪
But this don't never stop,
it's a lifestyle, homey ♪
Lifestyle, homey, but
for those who know me ♪
This don't never stop ♪
The time is now,
it's about to go down ♪
You better duck when
you hear that sound ♪
Boom, 'cause this don't never stop ♪
- I hope you with me ♪
- Uh-huh ♪
- I hope you with me ♪
- Uh-huh ♪
♪
[GRUNTS] Help!
- My nachos!
- [DOOR OPENS]
Hey, baby girl. How you feeling?
Maybe ready to go back to work?
Not that I want you out of the house.
I mean, at this point,
I don't think I could fall asleep
without the sound of you sobbing.
[CRYING] He just broke my heart,
and now I'm the most
sad anyone's ever been.
Well, maybe going back to work
- will take your mind off it
- [BLOWS NOSE]
Or even doing something simple,
- like changing your underwear.
- [BLOWS NOSE]
Hey, let's at least
do the underwear one.
I can't. I just want to watch TV.
You've watched everything on TV.
HBO, Hulu, Apple
it's all been watched.
Well, I was thinking
about checking out Peacock.
I like the font on their main page.
Okay, no!
You need to get out of this house now.
Maybe find Shuli. Go hang with Shuli.
[MUFFLED] It's just the things
he said to me were not okay.
He was like, "If you got a problem,
you're supposed to sit
down and talk to me."
[SCOFFS] Can you believe
that? He's a bad man.
- So you're not here to work?
- I'm not ready.
Oh, and then he was like,
"I want a partner who's honest."
[SCOFFS] Okay, Ted Bundy.
Listen, Brooke, I need you to leave,
'cause I'm busy and you smell violent.
- It's the nachos.
- It's not.
Why don't you go see what Cary's up to?
Go hang with Cary.
Like, seriously, the
narrative is that Lance
is this lovable goofball,
but behind closed doors,
he calls you the F word all the time.
That does sound like him,
but, uh, maybe you should,
uh, go find Mom, 'cause
I'm at Disney right now.
Ah, Cary, we're ready for you.
- Oh.
- And sorry about that smell.
Jeez, I don't know what that is.
- It's the nachos.
- No, it's not.
I-I-I'm a winner ♪
Cary, we are thrilled you came in,
because we want to talk to you
about the offer of a lifetime
a powerful gay role
in Disney's next film.
- Whoa. Really?
- Yeah.
'Cause my boyfriend just
got nominated for a Tony
for an important gay role he's doing,
so it would be nice to also tackle
something meaningful for the community.
My last few roles have been whatever.
Um, so I'd love to not just
act but make a difference.
I-I think that's been the problem.
Well, then this should be
perfect for everyone involved.
- Yeah.
- So, as you're probably aware,
our wildly successful
"Haunted Buddies" franchise
has gotten some flak for not
having any queer characters.
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- But we at Disney
are committed to fixing
that grave mistake now.
Yes, so, in addition to
our beloved core characters
of Wolfy, Vampira,
and Dr. Baggo Bones
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- For "Haunted Buddies 4,"
we are adding
- Globby.
- That's right.
Globby will be the "Haunted Buddies"
first-ever openly queer character.
Sorry, so this this
goo i-is homosexual?
- The goo is homosexual.
- Isn't that incredible?
Yes. No, very cool.
Um, and how exactly is he gay?
Because he he sort
of just looks like, uh
sexless green snot.
Great question
because we've also gotten
some flak for saying a character is gay
and then not really showing it,
which is why in "Haunted Buddies 4,"
we're including a groundbreaking scene
where Vampira opens the
door to Globby's bedroom,
and we see Globby in
bed with another glob.
Which is huge I mean,
for Disney to include a scene
as unapologetically gay as this?
Right? I mean, two globs in bed
it doesn't get more gayer than that.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No. Yes, uh
it's just, how is that visual gay
the two globs in bed?
Like, does the other glob talk
and have, like, a male voice or
No, but if Globby was straight,
when Vampira opened the door,
then he'd be in bed with a human woman,
But he's not. He's in
bed with another glob.
Yeah.
So he's gay.
No, right, right.
And, like, he's not even a doctor, Mom.
He's a nurse, which, not to be whatever,
but gay much?
Which has to be the root of this.
It's not that I'm wrong. It's he's gay.
Yes, Brooke, but I can't talk right now
because I'm taping an interview
for "CBS Saturday Morning."
Sorry, yeah, I-I'm
gonna need you to get up.
- You are very much in the shot.
- Oh, don't be sorry.
[GRUNTS] It's Lance who should be sorry.
It's just
he really hurt me, you know?
- Push in.
- What?
But I am finally ready
to break my silence
and the music would be in here
because if I can help even one woman
- now pan down to my hands.
- No.
Do not pan down to her
hands. Steven, can you
- BOTH: Okay.
- Oh, God, you stink.
I'm so sorry.
She's just having a really hard time.
But I promise, if you'd
met her 30, 31 years ago,
you'd have really loved her.
All right, let's just pick it up
from the next question.
- Yeah.
- Okay, so tell me, Pat
what is it like being
a single woman again?
- Oh
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Well, I-I am trying
to get back out there,
but I have to say, it's
been a little hard for me.
I mean, I have a security detail
that follows me everywhere.
I can't eat in restaurants like normal,
so it just makes dating
a regular person tough.
- They don't all like that.
- Mm.
So I just need to find a person
who isn't bothered by
fame, someone more like me.
Wait, someone more like me
this is what I've been saying.
Lance was the problem.
A strong, powerful businesswoman
can't be with a simple nurse
- [SCOFFS]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[LINE TRILLING]
- Hello.
- Shuli, I'm ready.
- To come back to work?
- No, to date.
Who is the most powerful
businessman you know?
Set me up
[SIGHS] With his boss.
So gay globs are
attracted to other globs,
and straight globs are
attracted to human women?
So Globby just being in bed
with another glob is inherently gay?
- Now you get it.
- That's exactly right.
But, l-look, I-I think we're
getting a little in the weeds here.
Globby the Glob is a
proud queer sack of mucus,
and in this movie, we see him in bed
with another proud queer sack of mucus.
And since this is our first film
with such an unapologetically gay scene,
we're doing a massive press push
to let the whole world know.
- Oh, you are?
- Yes.
So, if you're in, it will
be a bit of a whirlwind.
I-I mean, the media is gonna
have a field day with this.
And you and Globby
will basically be the
face of the whole movie.
So the question is, do
you want to be the face
of a whole Disney movie?
The face? Whoa.
- For all of the press?
- Mm-hmm.
You know, I can sort of see
how that logic makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, Globby's gay 'cause
he's in bed with another glob.
If he was straight, he'd be in
bed with a human woman and
Sorry, yeah, I'm just remembering
the human woman of it all,
and and it does make sense.
Okay, wow, this is actually beautiful.
Vampira opens the door, and
and they're in bed together.
That that is important
and and unapologetically gay.
And I'd be the voice of it? Oh, my God.
I'm the voice of Disney's
first-ever unapologetically
gay character?
Okay. Yes, I am in.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
And I am actually free,
if we wanted to start press now?
I mean, sure, Globby haunts
with the rest of the Buddies,
but then there is this scene that
and I was actually
skeptical of it at first,
but it's just unapologetically gay,
and it is an honor to be the face of it.
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
Some folks are born
made to wave the flag ♪
Ooh, they're red, white and blue ♪
And I think once the movie comes out,
audiences are gonna see
this incredibly relatable
queer character in Globby.
You know, he's out, he's proud,
he's a collection of dust
particles and snot and
- Oh, Cary Dubek.
- Cary Dubek?
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
I ain't no senator's son, son ♪
I basically demanded
Disney give me this role.
I mean, I really do think
that Globby could do for movies
what "Pose" did for TV, hopefully.
[VOICE SHAKES] Sorry, it makes
me emotional talking about it.
But when the taxman come to the door ♪
Lord, the house lookin'
like a rummage sale, yeah ♪
It ain't me ♪
I ain't no fortunate one, no ♪
♪
[CRYING] I just if I could have seen
a character like Globby
when I was younger,
it it really could
have changed my life.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
I wish my dad were alive to see Globby.
- Jesus.
- Penthouse floor.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Brooke. Hey, come on in.
Wow. Don't mind if I do.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm a genius.
- So
- [SCOFFS]
- This is the place.
- I see.
[CHUCKLES] God, it is so nice
to be dating a powerful
businessperson like me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
My ex is a nurse, so
I think that just led
to this huge disconnect.
Anyway, what's it like
being a tech billionaire?
Oh, he'll tell you all about it.
Uh, uh, sorry. You're not my date?
Oh, no. He's your date.
[GRUNTING] Look how high I am!
- Uh
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, um
- So fucking high.
- Hello up there!
- Oh, shit.
Uh, I'm Brooke.
Aren't I so, so high?
No, yes, you are very high.
Fuck, yes, I am.
Sorry, the date's us rock climbing?
Just him. You're here to watch.
Don't let her come up! Stop her!
It it's okay. It's
okay. I'm not coming up.
I am not coming up. [CHUCKLES]
Jesus.
- Yes!
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Time!
- Time!
And that's how you
play Celebrity, bitch.
Oh, my God, okay. All right, sit down.
- Sit down.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
I'm so glad you could come tonight.
I haven't seen you in
forever. How are things?
Oh, so crazy.
All this Globby press has been insane.
I haven't had a chance
to come up for air,
- like, all week.
- Oh oh, wow.
And then today Ted Cruz
tweeted about Globby
and said "Haunted
Buddies" was disgusting,
so now I'm in the center
of this Twitter firestorm,
which is so stupid. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, I hadn't seen that.
Yeah, I guess it's what comes
with being a leader
in the community now.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay, Cary's turn.
- Ooh!
- All right, let's go, Cary.
60 seconds.
- Okay.
- Okay. Ready?
And go.
- All right, come on, Cary.
- Come on, Cary.
Um, pass.
Okay, all right.
Um, pass.
- Oh, oh, um
- Oh, okay.
Uh, James Franco, uh,
was in a movie about him.
Uh, I don't know. Give me more.
Uh
pass.
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Phew. Okay.
How many did we get?
Well, out of 30 names,
you could only describe
Sandra Bullock, so one.
Oh, sorry. I'm a
I'm a better guesser.
[SPARSE LAUGHTER]
[GRUNTING]
So
where are you from?
Stop talking! I need to focus!
[PHONE VIBRATING]
Oh.
Hey, Mom. What's up?
I know we were both trying
to date people more like us,
so what hell are you in?
No, I'm on a private
plane with Simu Liu.
Sorry, like, Simu Liu from
the full Marvel Universe?
Yep, he reached out
after my big interview.
We actually have a lot in common.
- [CLATTER]
- Ah, oh!
I mean, he has even
more security than me,
so he just really gets
what it's like to be famous,
which is what I need in a man.
Anyway, I'm on the
Marvel plane right now,
headed to a huge fan
convention in Malaysia,
and then we go to Japan
and then I think Stockholm?
- [SCOFFS]
- I don't know. I'm not sure.
I'm basically just traveling
the world with Simu Liu.
Wait, have you two had sex?
Yes, we have. He's an excellent lover.
Plus, he's in really good shape,
I think because he has to
work out every 45 minutes,
or Marvel is legally allowed
to put him down and recast him.
I can't believe this.
But he does spend a lot of
time on the jet for his safety.
We haven't really been outside in days.
Cool. Anyway, yeah.
My date's really great, too.
Yeah, he's a really sweet,
salt-of-the-earth kind of dude.
I should actually get back
to him, so, um, bye-bye now.
- Bye.
- Who was that?
- Did you tell 'em how high I am?
- Yeah, sorry.
I really need this to work.
So do you think that we could
maybe do something together?
Like, maybe where I can
actually see your face?
- Is this better?
- Fuck.
I mean, yes.
I told my doctor to
give me the biggest lips
of any man and the highest eyebrows.
And he sure did.
Okay, okay. Uh, this person is gay.
Ellen! Uh, NPH!
- Uh, Ben Platt!
- No.
He's a writer. He's an activist.
He wrote he wrote "Go
Tell It on the Mountain."
- Oh, James Baldwin.
- Yes.
Oh, yes, that's right.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Uh, this queen is a full star
- Ben Platt! NPH! Uh, Ellen!
- No.
And for the last time, not one of us put
Ben Platt, Ellen, or NPH in the bowl.
Okay, okay, um, she's got great skin,
and she's on a bomb new Paramount+ show.
ALL: Oh, Curtis Paltrow!
Oh, my God. Who put me in?
I'm blushing.
- [ALARM RINGS]
- Time.
Oh, yeah, how is your show going?
Well, um, we're shooting
episode five right now,
and it's good, it's good.
Working with Ashley Tisdale
is a little tough, though,
'cause she's not so much a scene partner
- as she is as a scene adversary.
- Oh, my God.
They want me on the news right now.
- What?
- What?
Yeah, yeah, to talk about
all this anti-gay Globby backlash.
So dumb.
Anyway, I should do it,
just 'cause I don't want
to let the community down,
since Globby has weirdly become
this queer icon or whatever.
Yeah, I'm surprised
Globby wasn't in the bowl.
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, no. God, no.
That would have been embarrassing.
Yeah, no.
All right, well, you guys keep playing.
Um, I'm just gonna go Zoom into the news
in the other room. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, and if you guys could keep it down
to a whisper, that'd be great.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
He's he's really a sweet guy.
Anderson. Hello.
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
So you like the restaurant?
I rented out the entire
place just for the two of us.
Done. Ha, I beat you.
[SCOFFS LOUDLY]
Uh, yeah. Very cool.
A true perk of dating a
successful businessperson
like me.
Um, actually, my ex
was a nurse, so he
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] A nurse is nothing.
How much good can one stinking nurse do?
I'm building hundreds of hospitals.
Oh, you are? That's impressive.
- Good for you.
- Yeah, in the metaverse.
So you're not building hospitals?
Ooh, there's a playground out there.
- Quick, time me on the slide.
- What? Time you on what, now?
I bet you I can go down it
faster than that stupid fucking baby!
Yeah, I bet you can?
Sorry, are we still on a date?
I just I would really
love it if you could help me
make this even a little more successful,
just 'cause my mom is on a
full private jet with Simu
Private jet? [SCOFFS] I can top that.
What? How can you top that?
- Oh, my God, we're in space.
- I'm the highest man alive!
Curtis, hi.
Hey, it was so good
seeing you the other week,
even though you were mostly on the news.
Yeah, sorry, this whole
thing has been so crazy.
I've barely been able to
BOTH: Come up for air. Yeah.
Hey, listen, do you want to get dinner
with me and my friends tonight?
You know, spend some actual
time together? I miss you.
Um, sure, yeah.
Uh, and then my premiere
is actually tonight.
So, afterwards, you should
just all come to that.
Oh, um, yeah. Okay, sure, yeah.
Or wait, hold on.
Patty, how much longer do
you think this will take?
Uh, a few hours.
I still have to add
"Globby" to the bottom.
Damn, okay.
Uh, Curtis, I'm actually not
gonna be able to make dinner,
so I'll just meet you
guys at the premiere.
- Wait, what?
- And heads up
Westboro is now gonna
be protesting there
because they saw me on the news.
So stupid. Anyway, I will
see you guys there tonight.
Uh, yeah, okay. Uh, bye.
- Bye.
- [LINE BEEPS]
Sorry, I think we now have
to go to the premiere
of "Haunted Buddies 4."
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
- Hey, Mom!
- Oh, hi, honey.
I was just calling you to see
how all the dating is going.
I mean, absolutely not as good as you.
Aw.
But hopefully tonight's guy is better.
How's jetting around
the world with Simu?
Oh, I don't know.
It was pretty fun at first,
but now I'm kind of having a hard time.
I just I don't really know where I am
or when I am anymore?
The sun just keeps rising and setting.
Like, I think it's
tomorrow and yesterday.
- Ma'am.
- And I told Simu
we could maybe eat a
meal together off the jet
if we both wore the prosthetics,
but Simu said he tried that
after "Shang-Chi" came out,
- but some Marvel fans still knew it was him.
- How?
I guess one of them had started living
in his walls, so she heard the plan.
Marvel fans are not well, Brookie.
Well, other than that, it sounds great.
So just relax and enjoy yourself.
You are insanely lucky.
No, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
I am lucky. I'm lucky.
Oh, I got to go, hon.
Simu's doing a panel in
Tokyo, and our security team
said I can go as long
as I'm completely hidden,
so they're gonna zip
me up into a suitcase
so I can watch, or at least listen.
- Okay, well, have fun. Bye.
- Bye!
- And say hi to Streeter for me
- [LINE BEEPING]
- [SIGHS]
- Ready?
- [ZIPPER OPENS]
- [LAUGHTER]
[SIGHS]
- Brooke?
- Okay, damn.
[CHUCKLES] I'm liking the look of this.
[CHUCKLES]
Although, um, I know that
you're an app developer
or whatever, but you're
not a billionaire, right?
Just stay a humble millionaire?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yes, I'm just a millionaire.
- Okay. Whew!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
But not just one million, right?
No, I have more than one million.
Okay, cool. [CHUCKLES]
Not to be rude, it's just
BOTH: Having only a million dollars
is actually kind of poor.
- What?
- Okay, jinx.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Now you have to buy me a Coke.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Over here. Over here.
You know, I have to say,
this is a historic night.
We at GLAAD are just so excited
to see Disney's first-ever
unapologetically gay scene.
And we are here to demand that scene
- be taken out of the movie!
- Yeah!
[TOGETHER, CHANTING] Take it out!
[TOGETHER, CHANTING] Leave it in!
- Take it out!
- Leave it in!
Oh, God. Where are they?
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Hey.
Oh, great. There you are!
- Yeah.
- You're late.
Yeah, that's because you just added this
to our already-scheduled dinner.
Uh, sorry, we know, but we're here now.
Okay, are you guys ready to step
into an absolute
inferno? Let's hold hands.
Wait, I'm I'm sorry. Are
we walking the red carpet?
Yes! Hello, Globby Nation!
Uh, me and my friends are here to say
that we are not afraid
of today's protests
because we are all strong, gay men.
- I'm actually bi.
- Uh, I don't use gay.
Shh, I got this.
Okay, let's all get
in for a pic and say,
"We're here, we're queer, we're Globby!"
[CHUCKLES] Great.
Okay, please head inside.
The premiere will begin shortly.
All right, time to
watch history be made.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Jesus Christ.
- Take it out!
- Hi.
And, yeah, I mean, I did just get
out of a ten-year relationship
that ravaged me emotionally.
- But
- Hmm.
Now I am single and loving it.
[CHUCKLES] And I got to say
I really love how both your
lips touch when you chew.
- It has been very clutch, visually.
- [CHUCKLES] Thank you?
I was actually at this same restaurant
a week ago with a full billionaire,
and his lips looked like two fat slugs
had fallen asleep on his face.
And he took me to outer
space? It was not good.
Uh, what's with these billionaires?
It's like the split second
they get all that money,
their brain just seeps
out of their skull?
I think that's literally what happens.
[BOTH LAUGH]
So, yes, I am glad you are not one.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, that's work calling, which is weird.
I don't need to take it.
No, go ahead. It's fine.
Yeah?
And I will head to
the little girls' room
to freshen up, so we can move this back
- to your place?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Hello?
- [MUZAK PLAYING]
- [HUMMING ALONG]
Wait, what's that? What are
you what are you saying, Ted?
Ah. Ma, ma, ma. [LIPS POPPING]
Oh, my God. Our app sold?
Our app just fully
sold? Right this sec
Okay, back to my millionaire I go.
Hmm.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES] Hmm.
- Wait, where did
- Yes! Look how high I am!
Wait. What the fuck is going on?
I'm a billionaire, baby.
- What?
- Fuck, yes!
Since when?
And how do you already have lip filler?
- I'm so confused.
- No, I'm confused.
Oh, my God, we're not going back
to your place anymore now, are we?
No, we're going somewhere even better.
We're going to
I'm in space!
[SIGHS] My fucking God.
It's worse than we feared, Vampira!
We must hurry. His weapon
will soon be fully powered.
- We are running out of time.
- I'll round up the others.
Okay, here it comes.
It's right after this.
- [HOWLS]
- [SNORES]
Globby, let's go. We're
late for the mission.
Okay.
Oh, wow. [CHUCKLES]
That's Professor
Sinister's castle there!
Okay, tell me when. So excited to see!
Yeah, tell me when! Eeeeh!
What do you mean? That that was it.
Were you not watching?
Wait. What did he say?
- He said that was it.
- What was it?
He said it already happened.
But when? And, also, where?
I think he said it was before this
Yeah, he said it already happened.
- Cary said it happened.
- He said it happened.
Wait, uh, Cary, I'm
hearing the scene happened?
What was it? Sorry.
We just want to tell
people we support it!
Wait, shit, we missed the scene?
We all wanted to throw eggs at it!
Shh, the movie's still happening.
- Yeah, be quiet.
- Yeah.
- No, wait, can we pause it?
- What?
I want to get to the bottom of this!
Yeah, maybe let's bring up the lights?
- I-I'm just so confused.
- Yeah, bring up the lights.
- [LIGHTS THUD]
- Sorry, uh, help me out, Car!
Where was the unapologetically gay scene
you've been telling press about?
- Yes, where is the scene?
- Uh
Yeah, where is the scene?
I mean, I I don't
know what else to say.
[SCOFFS] It was right there
the two gay globs in bed together.
That was it?
Uh, how are we supposed
to know they were gay?
- Nothing about the scene was gay.
- Yeah-huh.
I mean, if Globby was straight,
he would have been in
bed with a human woman.
What? That that's, like, glob logic
that none of us could possibly know.
Wait, so you're saying in this universe,
straight globs are
attracted to human women,
and gay globs are
attracted to other globs?
- Yes?
- [AUDIENCE GROANS]
So how are glob babies made?
A straight glob has
sex with a human woman,
and that makes a baby glob?
But wouldn't that be
a half-human-half-glob?
- How are full globs made?
- Oh, yeah, good call.
- Well
- You know what?
If you guys want to take
the scene out, it's fine.
No, dude, you can totally leave it in.
- Sorry we got so riled up.
- It's not your fault.
Uh, there uh, there was
actually more to the scene.
- Oh.
- Shh, shh, shh.
But Disney, um they cut it.
- Oh.
- Oh. Oh, okay, then.
- Oh, my God.
- That makes sense.
Disney does suck. What was cut?
- Yeah, what, what was cut?
- Uh
My glob, um sucked
the other glob's dick?
- What?
- No.
- What?
- In a kids' movie?
No, I'm joking. I'm joking.
Uh, but, uh, what was cut was, um
- So
- All right, you know what?
Um, you guys must be famished
from all that protesting,
so what do you say
you all go get dinner?
I mean, I could eat.
- You like pizza?
- Yeah.
Hey, I'm I'm Mark, by the way.
Hey, I'm Terry.
Ladies and gentlemen, please be patient.
We will have the
Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.
That was so funny.
Okay, great. That's 48 and 49
Ooh, we're right above
Ohio, where I used to live.
Yuck. So lucky you got out of there.
- [INTERCOM CHIMES]
- Okay, Simu.
We'll be landing in Chicago
for your next panel soon.
Pat, if you want to watch,
you should zip into your
suitcase in the next ten.
- [INTERCOM CHIMES]
- Oh, okay.
Ooh, look, a rocket
heading back to Earth!
I wonder who's on that.
Yeah! I did it! I was so high!
I am better than all other
men! Me am the most man!
Oh, my God, shut the fuck up!
I cannot believe I have been
to full space twice in one week!
Like, what the actual fuck, dude?
You stupid men just
get a shit ton of money
and pop on a little cowboy hat
and ride a dentist's chair to space?
Like, what is this for?
Like, you don't have to
do as much good as a nurse
or whatever, but, uh, my
God, y'all just do no good?
I do good. I've already drawn up
plans to build dozens of schools.
- Oh, you have?
- Yeah, in the metaverse.
Jesus Christ!
Ugh! You all just have all
the money and the power,
and you do nothing.
You do nothing.
- And aren't you like me?
- God
I mean, I thought so, but clearly not!
No, I mean, you're a manager.
You represent Pat Dubek and ChaseDreams.
Don't they have, like, a
billion dollars together?
Yeah, I mean, they probably do, but
And you represent them,
which means that you have power,
and you have access to
their money and power.
So what are you doing with all of it?
Oh, my God.
I didn't need to leave
the industry to do good.
I can do good using the industry.
[GASPS]
[SHIP RATTLING]
[LINE BEEPING, TRILLING]
- Hello?
- Shuli? It's Brooke.
You are not gonna believe
this, but a straight man
actually just taught me something,
and I think I might be
ready to come back to work.
- Oh, good.
- Yep.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to
revolutionize the entire industry.
I am going to use my power
for good.
I mean, if you need more time
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Fuck.
Cary, hold hold up. Wait.
[SCOFFS]
Are are you okay?
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, they really did cut
more gay stuff from the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
no, no, I'm sure they did.
Oh, my God, wait, did
Westboro still egg you?
- Oh, no, GLAAD did.
- Oof.
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
Um, hey, would you want to get a drink?
I feel like it would be good to talk.
Oh, thanks, but I'm I'm tired.
I think I'm just gonna
head home, pass out.
Yeah. Uh, okay.
- Good night, Cary.
- Night.
Oh, my God, my jacket.
You know, it's actually better
that you can't tell that Globby's gay
because his sexuality is
beside the point on purpose.
And, uh, if you just give
me one more press cycle,
I can explain how.
- Yeah.
- God.
[THE MIDI MAFIA'S "I HOPE YOU HEAR ME"]
I hope they hear me.
I hope they hear me.
♪
- Ugh, it's too late.
- Too late.
- It's too late.
- Yeah, yeah.
Whoo, keepin' my
freak, keep dreamin' ♪
They gonna keep thievin',
they gonna keep schemin' ♪
But this don't never stop,
it's a lifestyle, homey ♪
Lifestyle, homey, but
for those who know me ♪
This don't never stop ♪
The time is now,
it's about to go down ♪
You better duck when
you hear that sound ♪
Boom, 'cause this don't never stop ♪
- I hope you with me ♪
- Uh-huh ♪
- I hope you with me ♪
- Uh-huh ♪
♪