A Million Little Things (2018) s03e07 Episode Script
Timing
1
Wow.
Pregnant.
I'm having an abortion.
Previously on "A Million Little Things" All I was trying to do was to get you to take me seriously.
So you stole our food? No.
I delivered it.
So you should hire me.
I can't go.
We're about to go pick up my son from school to go camping.
You're telling me the reason why you can't go is because Maggie needs you? The last call Jon made I was the person on the other end.
You called me because you thought I was still using, and you wanted me to get you pills.
The only reason my last song broke through was 'cause I made it with you.
I need you maybe even more than you need me.
Okay, Theo is logged on and ready for remote learning.
Apparently, he put a stack of books on the shelf behind him to make his backdrop seem more academic.
Oh, that's why he asked me earlier if I still had my textbooks from law school.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, what time is Dakota coming over? She should be here any minute.
And you guys are We are staying in the garage.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
Yeah, I know you don't want her in the house, but she did tell me that she's three months sober.
Yeah, well, just because someone says they're sober doesn't mean they are.
Seriously, where is the aspirin? I could have sworn it was here.
Ugh.
I can barely think.
I You know what? Maybe they're upstairs.
Maybe.
Ah.
It's not there.
Look what I found.
I, um, remembered I put them on a lower shelf so that I could get to them.
These are the last two.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, uh, I'm gonna stop by the grocery store on the way home.
Oh.
And if a pint of cookie dough just happens to fall into the shopping cart, wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
N Darce! Darce, don't touch the doorknob with your hand.
You might as well be licking it.
- Oh.
Okay, well - You You got to treat every surface like it's patient zero, okay? - Okay.
- How was Target? Someone here is a big fan of the contactless drive-up.
Yeah.
Ordered on the app.
Just popped the trunk when we got there.
Didn't have to be near anyone.
Sounds like your dream come true.
Yeah.
Kind of is, actually.
Okay.
Alright, Magic Mike, let's try to keep things PG.
Soph, this is a synthetic fabric.
That means it can be riddled with droplets.
- You're welcome for saving your life.
- Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, are you guys making ice cream sandwiches with the enormous cookies from Marcienne's? Ooh, yeah, maybe.
Does Liam like ice cream sandwiches? No, I've been raising a small psychopath.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe he hates fun.
Speaking of psychopaths, I still can't believe Gary's letting a stranger in the house.
I mean, the only person who's been here since March is you.
Well, Jamie, but Jamie? Maggie's Jamie? When was he here? He stopped by the afternoon you went camping.
Thought Maggie was here, but Just don't tell Officer Purell.
Hey, are you using a fresh wipe each time? - I am now.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
Hey! Yeah, what's up? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I know, I've been singing in my sleep lately.
Hey, what is this move? At least At least take a wipe, okay? Studies show that cellphones have more germs than toilet seats.
Alrighty, so what do we have here? "So, a hot British man has gotten you pregnant.
" It's weird that they would personalize it so much.
I'm kidding.
It says, "Urinate on th" Oh, my God! You're already doing it? Oh, what gave it away? Me sitting on the toilet, or the sound of tinkle hitting the water? Just I-I didn't know that we were at the point in our relationship where you Oh, yeah, dude.
You got me pregnant.
We are way past that.
So past that that apparently you've started calling me "dude.
" According to this, it says it takes three to five minutes.
According to this it says I'm not pregnant.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Do you want to talk about it? I want to take everything I'm feeling and put it in my podcast.
[TRASH CAN OPENS, CLOSES.]
Great.
Love that plan.
But can the first step be "flush"? Dude? Damn it.
I just heard back from the advertising agency.
Not one commercial is shooting on the Eastern Seaboard.
How's it looking out there? I can't tell.
Everyone's wearing masks, and their eyes are giving away nothing! We're just too slow right now to keep this much staff.
I thought you already decided letting Albert go made the most sense.
He's got a big salary, and a lot of his job is managing the kitchen when you're not here, which you don't need right now.
I know, but it's Albert.
I don't know, maybe two people will want to leave, and with those two salaries gone, I won't have to let Albert go.
- Here he comes.
Mask.
- Okay.
[SIGHS.]
Well? No one wants to leave.
No one? We're staying with our captain.
Great! [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Pro-tip I do not recommend holding a disinfectant wipe in front of a teenager's face when she is flirting with her boyfriend.
I am pretty certain she bit me.
Why didn't you tell me Jamie was in town? Why did you need to stay with Maggie if Jamie was there? - Uh - You know what? Stop.
Your whole face just changed.
Like it did when I asked you why you went to go see Maggie at the airport, like it did when you said you had to stay with her, which apparently, you didn't even end up doing.
It's one thing to play around with my emotions, but now you are playing around with Liam's, and I won't let you do that to my son.
Darce.
Darce, come on.
Where are you going? I told you when we first met, I don't want to play games, - so I'm not going to.
- Darcy, wait.
Please.
I was nervous about meeting Liam, okay? I still am.
But it has nothing to do with us, and it certainly doesn't have anything to do with Maggie.
Then what is it? When I was about Liam's age, my dad and I used to get these sausages in Downtown Crossing.
The guy made them on a filthy pushcart and we would stand in line for half an hour every Saturday and just talk.
About the Sox, about whether or not Becky Laccito looked at me during algebra class, about everything.
Gary, what does this have to do with And then he started dating Nancy Alvarez.
And you know what? She was a nice lady.
But she started coming with us on Saturdays.
And the next thing I know, he's not talking to me about baseball or cute girls.
He's just talking to her.
Somehow, I-I became a third wheel.
And you felt like she was taking him away.
Darce, I want to meet Liam.
I really do.
When I was driving up with the toboggan, I just I got scared.
Scared that I was taking away from time between you two, and I-I-I don't ever want to make him feel like a third wheel.
[SIGHS.]
My Nancy Alvarez was Miriam Schumacher.
She didn't even eat meat.
She came with tofu and her own kids that ended up replacing me and my mom.
Divorce sucks.
It totally sucks.
I'm sorry.
And make sure they break the seal to the documents on camera.
That way, you know they didn't have a chance to prep an answer ahead of time.
Ooh, that's a good one.
I still can't believe I'm asking for advice on a virtual deposition.
What else do I need to know? Oh, my God.
Most important thing.
Judge Pavao's mole does not get any easier to look at - in high def.
- [CHUCKLES.]
It's like one of those Victorian paintings.
It follows you.
Wait.
Is that a giant bottle of hand sanitizer behind you? How did you get that, and can I have some? What's in it for me? Oh, come on.
You don't need that much hand sanitizer.
You live alone.
Counselor, didn't you say that you haven't even left your house - since this all started? - Irrelevant.
Although, if you have a lead on eggs, we can start talking.
Mm.
My neighbor Isabel might have some chickens.
If you can get Farmer Izzy to part with a dozen, you got yourself a deal.
You're an even tougher negotiator than Jon was.
Are you kidding? He would've gotten you to throw in the chicken.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
So, I'll be back next week.
Stay safe, Boston.
Or Although, this isn't just for Bostonians.
It's maybe for Halifaxians or Pittsburghians.
[CHUCKLES.]
That can't be what you call yourselves.
Is that what you call yourself? Uh anyway, obviously still working on the outro.
Goodbye.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, boy.
You got that look.
What look? This is just my very handsome face.
No.
You've been snooping.
No.
No.
I just I spilled something and I was looking for Gary's vacuum cleaner, which I assumed would be in one of his desk drawers, - where I found - No.
I don't want to know what you found.
Gary is letting us stay in his home for free.
We have to have some sort of boundaries.
Do you remember when you said that Gary and Darcy were moving too fast? - No.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, look what I found where the vacuum cleaner wasn't.
I mean, I know they're practically living together right now, but a ring? Look at the size of it! I can't tell what's happening.
Are you upset? I didn't mean to I thought I thought we could both do that petty thing that you taught me how to do.
Quite enjoy that.
That ring isn't for Darcy.
It was for me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I need something real now Something down inside [MUSIC STOPS.]
What are you doing? We're recording the verse right now.
- And you just took one.
- No, I didn't.
Eddie, can we Can we stop screwing around? I need to get this track to Trevor by Monday.
Hey, you wanted my help.
This is the whole package.
You can't just pick and choose the pieces you want.
You wanted Eddie the rockstar? Here he is.
THEO: Hey, Dakota.
Dad, I can't figure out this math problem.
- Can you help me? - Yeah, bud.
I'll, uh meet you in the dining room.
Okay.
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Okay.
[SNIFFS.]
Let's take it again from the top.
Uh don't you have to go help Theo? Yea Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, while I'm gone, why don't you just check that last take? You were getting a little pitchy.
While you're at it, why don't you check your attitude, too? So, I did exactly what you said.
I asked him to break the seal on camera, which then required him to stand, which then revealed a very clear view of tighty whities.
Or should I say saggy whities.
[LAUGHING.]
No way.
It took everything I had in me not to unmute myself and ask, - "Can we mark that Exhibit A?" - [LAUGHS.]
This is my long-winded way of saying thank you so much for, um, helping me prep for that.
I'm sure you have better things to do than hear me describe my witness's underwear, which, unfortunately, I can do in great detail.
Thanks to Covid, uh, this has actually been the most stimulating conversation I've had all week.
Except for the one I had this morning with Nemo.
Who? I may have bought a goldfish.
[CHUCKLES.]
Must be great to have your family with you right now.
It is.
Yeah.
But, uh, I mean, things are also Things were already complicated with Eddie recovering from the accident.
And right now, he's working with this artist who I'm not so sure about.
I'm sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
You don't want to hear all this.
Here.
Give me a dollar.
A dollar.
Come on.
Hand it over.
- Okay.
- On the table, please.
Thank you.
There.
I'm now on retainer, so my confidentiality is guaranteed through attorney-client privilege.
You can tell me anything.
Wow.
I mean, I assumed my hourly was higher than yours, but this is embarrassing.
That just hurts.
Wow.
How rude.
How dare you? [BOTH LAUGH.]
I've said it before and I will say it again The key to a great sandwich is the meat to bread ratio.
Yesterday you said the key was condiments.
That's right.
That's two of the three keys.
"What's the third key?" he asks.
- Don't say turkey.
- Tur Okay.
Hey, look, Tyrell, I've been kind of going rogue with the food here, and I don't know if I can keep giving you sandwiches, dude.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, that's okay.
I think we just got busted anyway.
What's going on over here? Um Okay.
Hey.
I've been giving Tyrell and his friends some sandwiches because they aren't getting all their meals right now.
He already told me he can't do it anymore.
He absolutely cannot do that anymore.
Is there anything of nutritional value in that bag? Yeah.
He gave me some chips.
Potatoes are vegetables.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Kids need milk and greens.
They're called vitamins.
How many sandwiches does he give you? Two.
Mm.
And five more.
For a total of seven.
Ma'am.
How about we make it an even dozen? Regina, you sure? A couple dozen sandwiches isn't gonna make a difference between whether or not the restaurant makes it, and we're gonna feed hungry kids while we're still open.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you, ma'am.
Mm.
You want to thank me? Stop calling me ma'am.
And eat those greens, or the deal is off.
Yes, ma I mean, uh You want these sandwiches or not? "In the supermarket parking lot, 60% of the cars are four-door cars.
If there are 75 four-door cars, how many cars are in the parking lot altogether?" Well let's see.
We know there are at least 75 cars, right? So what is 60% of 75? Uh, no, the question is "What is 75 60% of?" What? Um Wait.
W-What's the total number of cars again? That's what we have to figure out.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay, so, 75 is 60% of something we don't know, which makes it a variable.
Let's call it X.
Great.
Okay.
Now, you need the cross-products to be the same, right? Exactly.
You're good at this.
Oh.
I sucked at school, but I was always good at math.
That's kinda what music is, just way cooler.
So, why didn't you say yes? Because I had just been told that I was in remission, and suddenly, I had all this time, and I just needed to figure out what my life was gonna be.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
I don't buy it.
This person is still very much in your life, and the way you talk about him it doesn't line up.
So what's the real reason? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
We were stuck in a pattern that we couldn't break out of.
[SIGHS.]
For so long, I was dying, he was taking care of me, and then even when my cancer was gone, we kept playing these roles.
So, the ring just forced your hand? Yeah.
Really, I think that once we found out that I was cancer-free, the writing was on the wall and we just chose not to look at it.
Do you wish you'd never found it? Honestly, I'm g I'm glad I did.
If we hadn't broken up, I wouldn't have gone to Oxford or met you or started my podcast.
I wouldn't be on this journey to becoming myself.
All I'm hearing is that I have ruined you for all other men.
[LAUGHS.]
I know.
I know that's what you're hearing, but what I'm saying is that I've moved on, and so has he.
Has he, though? Alright.
The night I left for England, I asked him to come with me, and he told me no.
Then, just to make sure there was no confusion, he came to the airport and told me no again.
Mm-hmm.
All that makes sense, except for one thing.
Why does he still have this? [GRUNTING.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[EXHALES SHAKILY.]
Ooh.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
KATHERINE: Eddie? Are you okay? Yes.
Just, uh [INHALES DEEPLY.]
Today was a bad day.
You were doing so well.
Yeah.
Um About that.
What is it? Katie, I really messed up, and I don't know how to tell you.
What? [CLEARS THROAT, SNIFFLES.]
Dakota was in the house today.
Why? Why was she in the house? I was trying to help Theo with his math homework, but I think maybe they changed math since I was a kid? Anyway, Dakota stepped in, and it felt like it would have been a bigger deal for me to ask her to leave in front of Theo, but, you know, I was with her the whole time, and we went out to the garage afterward.
Thank you for telling me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I just I didn't want to keep that from you.
Yeah.
And I appreciate that.
But, Eddie I don't trust her.
I know you said that she's sober, and I and I know that you're sober, but it's different with her.
I-I don't want her in my house, I don't want her around my kid, and to be honest, I don't I feel worried when she's around you.
You don't have to worry about me.
I know.
So, then Mrs.
McGruer accidentally made Jacob B.
the host.
And he muted her and would not let her be the host again, and she was so mad and said, like, all the bad words.
I thought you said she was muted? Oh, she was.
I'm just really good at reading lips.
Welcome to the Garden! Whoa.
This is incredible.
When did you do this? I left, like, 30 minutes ago.
Make no mistake, this took days Days of planning, but I wanted to bring the ultimate hockey experience to you, sir.
Liam, do you remember my friend, Gary? Yeah.
Uh hey.
Hey, kid.
Your mom says you love hockey.
Well, [CHUCKLES.]
so does this guy, if you couldn't tell.
And since they canceled the season, I figured I would just bring the season to us.
So, one time it, Liam! Um you know, I like watching hockey.
Liam, he made this whole thing for you.
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope.
It's okay.
And you're right.
Playing hockey is stupid.
But you know what's not stupid? Ice cream.
There is an entire sundae bar waiting.
Um g You know, I'm not really hungry.
Okay.
Um, how about another game? You like "Dungeons &" "D&D"? You play "D&D"? Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Yeah.
I mean, I used to.
Back in the You know what? I think Danny still has his old books and and things up in his room.
- I can go get them.
- Okay.
Can I use your bathroom? - You sure can.
- Thanks.
When you get back, I'm gonna blow your mythological mind.
[WHISPERING.]
I think it's going really well.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen, Eddie, before we get started today, we need to talk.
I haven't taken any pills today.
I am just very worried Wait, you haven't? Nope.
Look, obviously, I was going down a road, but I stopped.
I'm not gonna take any more.
Wow.
Okay.
Um I know that's really hard.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Just for the record, I'm not sure if I could have figured out how many cars were in that parking lot even on a good day.
[CHUCKLES.]
And here we go.
Oh, thank you, Albert.
No problem.
It's really cool of Gina to keep doing this, you know, with everything going on.
- Oh, man.
She's amazing.
- Yeah.
Hey, look, I didn't want to ask her this, but, um do you have any sense of what kind of runway we have? I mean, you know, we all want to stay, but she just seemed really worried.
You know what? Guess it's gonna be up to the virus, you know? Yeah.
Hey, we're here to the bitter end, right? - Go team.
- Go team.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Greg, I got your beet and arugula salad - with extra goat cheese.
- I'll ring you up What's all this? Oh, we're just making sandwiches for kids in need.
- Oh, that's cool.
- Mm-hmm.
Ring me up for two.
Uh you sure? No, you're right.
- Three.
- Wow.
That's very kind of you.
You know, actually, Gina's gonna ring you up.
Tyrell and I have to go do a quick errand.
- We do? - You do? Yeah.
And when you pack those sandwiches, do not forget the greens.
Good seeing you, man.
Alrighty.
Hey, have you seen this? MAGGIE: Oh, is it the video of the German Shepherd telling us how to wear our masks correctly? 'Cause I've seen it, and I would like to see it again.
Wait.
What is this? These are the stats on your podcast.
Your podcast that a thousand people have listened to.
What? Wait, is this real, or are you really good at Photoshop? Well, both those things can be true.
No, it's real.
It's real.
Look.
Your latest episode is apparently very popular.
Wow.
Look at all these comments.
People are saying that they came here from a blog, "MakeMyDaisy.
" "I love hearing a psychologist get so vulnerable about her real life.
" - Oh, well done, you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
"And the second half was less like a podcast and more like a conversation I was eavesdropping on.
And the British guy is a great add.
I love their chemistry.
" Well, that's as nice as it is accurate, - but I was never on - Oh, no.
- What? - No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What, what, what, what, what, what, what? Uh I-I-I never pressed stop when we were talking, and I must have uploaded the entire thing.
Um, what did we say? What did we say? Uh no.
Nothing bad.
No, j just the stuff about Gary proposing, and you rejecting him, and us wondering why he still has the ring.
And a thousand people have heard it? It's It's more like 1,100 now.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
[CREEPY VOICE.]
As you walk towards the cave, a giant frog-like humanoid jumps out and attacks you! [CHUCKLES.]
Uh, so, I'm I'm guessing I'm dead? Not necessarily.
You have one chance to roll a dexterity save, young Prometheus.
You know, um, I don't want to be saved.
- Of course you do.
- No, it's okay, I don't.
I think you do, though, especially since the dungeon master's dating your mom.
He's gonna look out for you.
I'm gonna go use the bathroom.
[GRUNTS.]
You know where it is.
[CHUCKLES.]
- I thought I was killing it.
- No.
I said "humanoid", the word "humanoid.
" I've never said that.
It just flew out of my mouth, and not in a creepy way, you know? Like in the moment.
I shouldn't have made the joke about dating his mom, right? That's probably where I lost him.
Well, we knew that this was gonna be hard.
- Divorce sucks.
- Yeah.
Can we just go home? Okay.
I'll grab my purse.
I'm sorry.
We'll try this another time.
I'm sure he's gonna come around.
I just I don't know what happened.
Hey.
I think I do.
Look, I swear, I-I didn't know I was recording and I maybe might have shared some stuff, uh, that I shouldn't have, about you and me and the night we broke up, uh, stuff that might bother you if it was out there.
Um, anyway, uh, call me.
You know, honestly, I may be making a bigger deal out of this than I need to, and I don't know why my voice is going even higher because that's not helping, so I'm just gonna end this message.
Uh, bye.
Uh, this is Maggie, by the way.
Wow.
I wish I was recording that.
That was podcast gold.
How could I have let this happen? I never should have upgraded to the more complicated equipment.
Well, in their defense, when they said one-touch uploading, they weren't kidding.
I'm taking it down.
Sorry, what? You're taking it down? It's the Internet.
It doesn't matter if you take it down now.
Look.
1,246 people have already downloaded it.
No.
I-I used his name and I said so many personal things.
Right.
You were vulnerable and honest, and that is what so many people are responding to.
I know you didn't mean to upload it, but it seems like exactly the kind of thing that you wanted your podcast to do.
And what happened to not listening to those voices in your head that tell you to second-guess things, huh? Alright, look, Gary might be my ex-boyfriend, but he's also someone I really care about, and I-I-I can't hurt him.
Maybe you're right.
God, you are so damn above board.
You make me want to commit a felony.
Which you could then accidentally record and upload for all your 1,300 fans to hear.
Fine.
Take it down.
But I'm taking a screenshot first.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Great.
- - [SIGHS.]
[GARY SIGHS.]
Ready, Mom? Yeah.
Gary just wanted to say something first.
That's right.
I want to apologize to you about "D&D.
" Honestly, I-I don't think we should be sharing stuff right now.
I'm pretty freaked out about the virus.
You are? [CHUCKLES.]
Big time.
Look, man, I know I don't look like it, but, uh, probably one of the safest, cleanest guys you can meet, and, you know, if you need to wash your hands, that's cool.
You don't need to hide it.
I mean I wash my hands like 30 times a day.
He does.
His hands are so dry.
Look, there's a lot of stuff going on in the world that's scary and out of control, and it's probably even harder for you to deal with all of that on top of meeting your mom's new, super cool boyfriend.
I would just say boyfriend.
- Ha! - [LAUGHS.]
That's good.
Well played.
Sorry if I ruined the game.
It's just To be honest with you, I was afraid to even come over.
It feels like everyone's getting sick.
Liam, you didn't tell me that.
You were so excited for me to meet Gary.
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
It's fine if you're my mom's boyfriend, just so you know.
Thank you.
That That means everything to me.
How about that ice cream sundae? Or would you rather have an individually wrapped ice cream bar? Now you're speaking my language.
Follow me.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What's going on in here? I'm making my famous lemonade that I've never made before.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's to thank Dakota for helping me yesterday.
Oh, that's really nice of you, T.
Can I help you with the cutting? - Okay.
- Yeah? You do that, and I'll grab the glasses with the lemons on them.
[WATER RUNNING.]
Try to get it.
- Oh, no! - [PILLS CLATTERING.]
- Dad's pills! - Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's all good.
Look what I found.
Um, these were on the lower shelf.
These are the last two.
- Alright, let's hear that one back.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
What is this? Why are there aspirin in your oxycodone, Eddie? Tell me what is going on right now.
[SIGHS.]
I-I took them.
Um I knew Eddie wasn't using them, so a couple of days ago, I snuck into the house and I swapped the pills for aspirin.
I didn't think anyone would notice.
Unbelievable.
My husband gives you a second chance, and you steal his medication so you can get high? I'm sorry.
You're only saying sorry because you got caught.
Well, it's too late for that.
Right? I can't believe this.
I trusted you.
I vouched for you.
THEO: [BRITISH ACCENT.]
Alright.
Good sir has arrived with the lemonade.
Uh, T, let's, uh Let's go in the house, okay? - But I - Now.
Yeah.
I want her out of here.
Thank you.
I just I couldn't, you know? Dakota.
I'm sorry.
I hope it was worth it.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Was that Gary? Did he call? No.
It's a voicemail.
It's my doctor's office.
They can get me in for my screening next week.
Are you still looking at the comments? We get it.
America loves you.
Actually, I was booking my flight home.
Oh.
Well, I mean, I came in for the and now you're not.
- So I figured you'd want me to - Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, uh Well, maybe you could stay until after my screening, and we could go back together.
Mm.
Well, this means I'm gonna have to do laundry.
Which works perfectly, because earlier, I found a stash of Gary's quarters.
You gotta stop.
It's okay.
America loves me.
[CHUCKLES.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hey.
Hey.
Have a seat.
Is, uh Is everything okay? Uh you and I have known each other for more than half my life.
And And you know how much I care about you, but Babe, you gotta see this.
Rome, I'm in the middle of No, no, you're really gonna wanna see this.
- Is that Shanice? - You know it.
SHANICE: Now, more than ever, we need to be staying at home, safe.
But that does not mean you can't order from your favorite restaurant.
Support local establishments, like my personal favorite, Someday, located in the great city of Boston.
Look, if you order a meal, they will give a second meal to a child in need.
- So, click the link in my bio - [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
And let me just tell you, the truffle mac You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, my God.
How How'd you get her to do this? Uh, it was sort of a team effort.
You should have seen Tyrell giving Shanice direction.
He made her do like four takes on that last line.
Well, she wanted to rewrite everything.
Listen, I really hate to interrupt whatever break you guys are taking right now, but the orders are flying in and the phones are ringing off the hook.
[TELEPHONE RINGING IN BACKGROUND.]
- Albert? - On it, Chef.
Alright.
So, that stuff you were gonna say a minute ago? All I wanted to say was thank you.
[RINGING CONTINUES.]
Someday.
This is Albert.
Hey.
Yeah, I know.
That was really cool, right? Okay, what can I get for you? Oh, yeah, right.
That's Shanice's favorite.
Uh, that was fun, but I should probably start heading home.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Your mother must be wondering where you are.
Any update on her job search? Nothing yet.
It's pretty bleak out there.
Huh.
I thought she was an EMT.
Seems like Covid would have her busy as ever right now.
Yeah, totally.
It's just She's she's been sick, so Really? I-Is it Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
She just, uh She just sprained her ankle.
Oh.
Yeah.
Just Just ankle.
Is she okay? She's doing a lot better, actually.
Thanks for asking.
She just has to keep her weight off of it, you know? But, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, right? Good work today.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I will.
I love you, too, sweetie.
Prometheus wanted me to tell you not to forget to wash between your fingers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but, uh, I'm in love with your son.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You guys have a lot in common.
You seemed pretty clued in on what was bothering him.
I guess I, uh, can relate to some of the, uh OCD-type tendencies.
Sometimes, when things get too out of control, I like to focus on the small things.
Like cleaning.
You probably haven't noticed.
I'm very subtle about it.
Oh.
Very.
Ah.
And then there's the, uh, lucky hat.
Mm-hmm.
Jon gave it to me when I started chemo.
I wore it to every test, every screening.
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes, I think I give it more credit for my recovery than the doctors.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's not something I admit very often.
Um Um, I I have something I want to admit to you, too.
You've been so open with me, I want to tell you the real reason why I've been having those nightmares.
I wanted to tell you.
I just I didn't I didn't know how, and the reason why I can't tell you is because of what happened when I was when I was in Iraq.
Okay, um, we we were clearing an old hospital that had been taken over by enemy snipers.
And the place seemed deserted, but I I knew better than to trust that.
Then I heard a gunshot.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I whipped around as fast as I could and I fired back.
[MUFFLED GUNSHOT.]
You only get a split second to make a decision like that.
The sound that I heard it was not it wasn't a gunshot.
It was It was [CRYING.]
He was just a He was just a kid.
He was barely older than Liam.
He s-shouldn't have been there.
He was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but it doesn't change the fact that now there's a mother out there right now who doesn't have her son because of me.
- [SOBBING.]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.
[SOBBING.]
Shh.
I got you.
You're okay.
NA MEMBER: The minute I decided to shoot up again, I knew that I was gonna lose everything.
My wife, my kids, my job.
But that didn't stop me.
And And I was right.
I, uh Margot won't even let me see the kids anymore.
Thank you for sharing that, Todd.
I know it's been tough.
We always take the last few minutes of our meeting to allow new people to introduce themselves.
Does anyone else want to share tonight? Anyone? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Pregnant.
I'm having an abortion.
Previously on "A Million Little Things" All I was trying to do was to get you to take me seriously.
So you stole our food? No.
I delivered it.
So you should hire me.
I can't go.
We're about to go pick up my son from school to go camping.
You're telling me the reason why you can't go is because Maggie needs you? The last call Jon made I was the person on the other end.
You called me because you thought I was still using, and you wanted me to get you pills.
The only reason my last song broke through was 'cause I made it with you.
I need you maybe even more than you need me.
Okay, Theo is logged on and ready for remote learning.
Apparently, he put a stack of books on the shelf behind him to make his backdrop seem more academic.
Oh, that's why he asked me earlier if I still had my textbooks from law school.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, what time is Dakota coming over? She should be here any minute.
And you guys are We are staying in the garage.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
Yeah, I know you don't want her in the house, but she did tell me that she's three months sober.
Yeah, well, just because someone says they're sober doesn't mean they are.
Seriously, where is the aspirin? I could have sworn it was here.
Ugh.
I can barely think.
I You know what? Maybe they're upstairs.
Maybe.
Ah.
It's not there.
Look what I found.
I, um, remembered I put them on a lower shelf so that I could get to them.
These are the last two.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, uh, I'm gonna stop by the grocery store on the way home.
Oh.
And if a pint of cookie dough just happens to fall into the shopping cart, wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
N Darce! Darce, don't touch the doorknob with your hand.
You might as well be licking it.
- Oh.
Okay, well - You You got to treat every surface like it's patient zero, okay? - Okay.
- How was Target? Someone here is a big fan of the contactless drive-up.
Yeah.
Ordered on the app.
Just popped the trunk when we got there.
Didn't have to be near anyone.
Sounds like your dream come true.
Yeah.
Kind of is, actually.
Okay.
Alright, Magic Mike, let's try to keep things PG.
Soph, this is a synthetic fabric.
That means it can be riddled with droplets.
- You're welcome for saving your life.
- Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, are you guys making ice cream sandwiches with the enormous cookies from Marcienne's? Ooh, yeah, maybe.
Does Liam like ice cream sandwiches? No, I've been raising a small psychopath.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe he hates fun.
Speaking of psychopaths, I still can't believe Gary's letting a stranger in the house.
I mean, the only person who's been here since March is you.
Well, Jamie, but Jamie? Maggie's Jamie? When was he here? He stopped by the afternoon you went camping.
Thought Maggie was here, but Just don't tell Officer Purell.
Hey, are you using a fresh wipe each time? - I am now.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
Hey! Yeah, what's up? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I know, I've been singing in my sleep lately.
Hey, what is this move? At least At least take a wipe, okay? Studies show that cellphones have more germs than toilet seats.
Alrighty, so what do we have here? "So, a hot British man has gotten you pregnant.
" It's weird that they would personalize it so much.
I'm kidding.
It says, "Urinate on th" Oh, my God! You're already doing it? Oh, what gave it away? Me sitting on the toilet, or the sound of tinkle hitting the water? Just I-I didn't know that we were at the point in our relationship where you Oh, yeah, dude.
You got me pregnant.
We are way past that.
So past that that apparently you've started calling me "dude.
" According to this, it says it takes three to five minutes.
According to this it says I'm not pregnant.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Do you want to talk about it? I want to take everything I'm feeling and put it in my podcast.
[TRASH CAN OPENS, CLOSES.]
Great.
Love that plan.
But can the first step be "flush"? Dude? Damn it.
I just heard back from the advertising agency.
Not one commercial is shooting on the Eastern Seaboard.
How's it looking out there? I can't tell.
Everyone's wearing masks, and their eyes are giving away nothing! We're just too slow right now to keep this much staff.
I thought you already decided letting Albert go made the most sense.
He's got a big salary, and a lot of his job is managing the kitchen when you're not here, which you don't need right now.
I know, but it's Albert.
I don't know, maybe two people will want to leave, and with those two salaries gone, I won't have to let Albert go.
- Here he comes.
Mask.
- Okay.
[SIGHS.]
Well? No one wants to leave.
No one? We're staying with our captain.
Great! [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Pro-tip I do not recommend holding a disinfectant wipe in front of a teenager's face when she is flirting with her boyfriend.
I am pretty certain she bit me.
Why didn't you tell me Jamie was in town? Why did you need to stay with Maggie if Jamie was there? - Uh - You know what? Stop.
Your whole face just changed.
Like it did when I asked you why you went to go see Maggie at the airport, like it did when you said you had to stay with her, which apparently, you didn't even end up doing.
It's one thing to play around with my emotions, but now you are playing around with Liam's, and I won't let you do that to my son.
Darce.
Darce, come on.
Where are you going? I told you when we first met, I don't want to play games, - so I'm not going to.
- Darcy, wait.
Please.
I was nervous about meeting Liam, okay? I still am.
But it has nothing to do with us, and it certainly doesn't have anything to do with Maggie.
Then what is it? When I was about Liam's age, my dad and I used to get these sausages in Downtown Crossing.
The guy made them on a filthy pushcart and we would stand in line for half an hour every Saturday and just talk.
About the Sox, about whether or not Becky Laccito looked at me during algebra class, about everything.
Gary, what does this have to do with And then he started dating Nancy Alvarez.
And you know what? She was a nice lady.
But she started coming with us on Saturdays.
And the next thing I know, he's not talking to me about baseball or cute girls.
He's just talking to her.
Somehow, I-I became a third wheel.
And you felt like she was taking him away.
Darce, I want to meet Liam.
I really do.
When I was driving up with the toboggan, I just I got scared.
Scared that I was taking away from time between you two, and I-I-I don't ever want to make him feel like a third wheel.
[SIGHS.]
My Nancy Alvarez was Miriam Schumacher.
She didn't even eat meat.
She came with tofu and her own kids that ended up replacing me and my mom.
Divorce sucks.
It totally sucks.
I'm sorry.
And make sure they break the seal to the documents on camera.
That way, you know they didn't have a chance to prep an answer ahead of time.
Ooh, that's a good one.
I still can't believe I'm asking for advice on a virtual deposition.
What else do I need to know? Oh, my God.
Most important thing.
Judge Pavao's mole does not get any easier to look at - in high def.
- [CHUCKLES.]
It's like one of those Victorian paintings.
It follows you.
Wait.
Is that a giant bottle of hand sanitizer behind you? How did you get that, and can I have some? What's in it for me? Oh, come on.
You don't need that much hand sanitizer.
You live alone.
Counselor, didn't you say that you haven't even left your house - since this all started? - Irrelevant.
Although, if you have a lead on eggs, we can start talking.
Mm.
My neighbor Isabel might have some chickens.
If you can get Farmer Izzy to part with a dozen, you got yourself a deal.
You're an even tougher negotiator than Jon was.
Are you kidding? He would've gotten you to throw in the chicken.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
So, I'll be back next week.
Stay safe, Boston.
Or Although, this isn't just for Bostonians.
It's maybe for Halifaxians or Pittsburghians.
[CHUCKLES.]
That can't be what you call yourselves.
Is that what you call yourself? Uh anyway, obviously still working on the outro.
Goodbye.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, boy.
You got that look.
What look? This is just my very handsome face.
No.
You've been snooping.
No.
No.
I just I spilled something and I was looking for Gary's vacuum cleaner, which I assumed would be in one of his desk drawers, - where I found - No.
I don't want to know what you found.
Gary is letting us stay in his home for free.
We have to have some sort of boundaries.
Do you remember when you said that Gary and Darcy were moving too fast? - No.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, look what I found where the vacuum cleaner wasn't.
I mean, I know they're practically living together right now, but a ring? Look at the size of it! I can't tell what's happening.
Are you upset? I didn't mean to I thought I thought we could both do that petty thing that you taught me how to do.
Quite enjoy that.
That ring isn't for Darcy.
It was for me.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I need something real now Something down inside [MUSIC STOPS.]
What are you doing? We're recording the verse right now.
- And you just took one.
- No, I didn't.
Eddie, can we Can we stop screwing around? I need to get this track to Trevor by Monday.
Hey, you wanted my help.
This is the whole package.
You can't just pick and choose the pieces you want.
You wanted Eddie the rockstar? Here he is.
THEO: Hey, Dakota.
Dad, I can't figure out this math problem.
- Can you help me? - Yeah, bud.
I'll, uh meet you in the dining room.
Okay.
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Okay.
[SNIFFS.]
Let's take it again from the top.
Uh don't you have to go help Theo? Yea Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, while I'm gone, why don't you just check that last take? You were getting a little pitchy.
While you're at it, why don't you check your attitude, too? So, I did exactly what you said.
I asked him to break the seal on camera, which then required him to stand, which then revealed a very clear view of tighty whities.
Or should I say saggy whities.
[LAUGHING.]
No way.
It took everything I had in me not to unmute myself and ask, - "Can we mark that Exhibit A?" - [LAUGHS.]
This is my long-winded way of saying thank you so much for, um, helping me prep for that.
I'm sure you have better things to do than hear me describe my witness's underwear, which, unfortunately, I can do in great detail.
Thanks to Covid, uh, this has actually been the most stimulating conversation I've had all week.
Except for the one I had this morning with Nemo.
Who? I may have bought a goldfish.
[CHUCKLES.]
Must be great to have your family with you right now.
It is.
Yeah.
But, uh, I mean, things are also Things were already complicated with Eddie recovering from the accident.
And right now, he's working with this artist who I'm not so sure about.
I'm sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
You don't want to hear all this.
Here.
Give me a dollar.
A dollar.
Come on.
Hand it over.
- Okay.
- On the table, please.
Thank you.
There.
I'm now on retainer, so my confidentiality is guaranteed through attorney-client privilege.
You can tell me anything.
Wow.
I mean, I assumed my hourly was higher than yours, but this is embarrassing.
That just hurts.
Wow.
How rude.
How dare you? [BOTH LAUGH.]
I've said it before and I will say it again The key to a great sandwich is the meat to bread ratio.
Yesterday you said the key was condiments.
That's right.
That's two of the three keys.
"What's the third key?" he asks.
- Don't say turkey.
- Tur Okay.
Hey, look, Tyrell, I've been kind of going rogue with the food here, and I don't know if I can keep giving you sandwiches, dude.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, that's okay.
I think we just got busted anyway.
What's going on over here? Um Okay.
Hey.
I've been giving Tyrell and his friends some sandwiches because they aren't getting all their meals right now.
He already told me he can't do it anymore.
He absolutely cannot do that anymore.
Is there anything of nutritional value in that bag? Yeah.
He gave me some chips.
Potatoes are vegetables.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Kids need milk and greens.
They're called vitamins.
How many sandwiches does he give you? Two.
Mm.
And five more.
For a total of seven.
Ma'am.
How about we make it an even dozen? Regina, you sure? A couple dozen sandwiches isn't gonna make a difference between whether or not the restaurant makes it, and we're gonna feed hungry kids while we're still open.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you, ma'am.
Mm.
You want to thank me? Stop calling me ma'am.
And eat those greens, or the deal is off.
Yes, ma I mean, uh You want these sandwiches or not? "In the supermarket parking lot, 60% of the cars are four-door cars.
If there are 75 four-door cars, how many cars are in the parking lot altogether?" Well let's see.
We know there are at least 75 cars, right? So what is 60% of 75? Uh, no, the question is "What is 75 60% of?" What? Um Wait.
W-What's the total number of cars again? That's what we have to figure out.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay, so, 75 is 60% of something we don't know, which makes it a variable.
Let's call it X.
Great.
Okay.
Now, you need the cross-products to be the same, right? Exactly.
You're good at this.
Oh.
I sucked at school, but I was always good at math.
That's kinda what music is, just way cooler.
So, why didn't you say yes? Because I had just been told that I was in remission, and suddenly, I had all this time, and I just needed to figure out what my life was gonna be.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
I don't buy it.
This person is still very much in your life, and the way you talk about him it doesn't line up.
So what's the real reason? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
We were stuck in a pattern that we couldn't break out of.
[SIGHS.]
For so long, I was dying, he was taking care of me, and then even when my cancer was gone, we kept playing these roles.
So, the ring just forced your hand? Yeah.
Really, I think that once we found out that I was cancer-free, the writing was on the wall and we just chose not to look at it.
Do you wish you'd never found it? Honestly, I'm g I'm glad I did.
If we hadn't broken up, I wouldn't have gone to Oxford or met you or started my podcast.
I wouldn't be on this journey to becoming myself.
All I'm hearing is that I have ruined you for all other men.
[LAUGHS.]
I know.
I know that's what you're hearing, but what I'm saying is that I've moved on, and so has he.
Has he, though? Alright.
The night I left for England, I asked him to come with me, and he told me no.
Then, just to make sure there was no confusion, he came to the airport and told me no again.
Mm-hmm.
All that makes sense, except for one thing.
Why does he still have this? [GRUNTING.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[EXHALES SHAKILY.]
Ooh.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
KATHERINE: Eddie? Are you okay? Yes.
Just, uh [INHALES DEEPLY.]
Today was a bad day.
You were doing so well.
Yeah.
Um About that.
What is it? Katie, I really messed up, and I don't know how to tell you.
What? [CLEARS THROAT, SNIFFLES.]
Dakota was in the house today.
Why? Why was she in the house? I was trying to help Theo with his math homework, but I think maybe they changed math since I was a kid? Anyway, Dakota stepped in, and it felt like it would have been a bigger deal for me to ask her to leave in front of Theo, but, you know, I was with her the whole time, and we went out to the garage afterward.
Thank you for telling me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I just I didn't want to keep that from you.
Yeah.
And I appreciate that.
But, Eddie I don't trust her.
I know you said that she's sober, and I and I know that you're sober, but it's different with her.
I-I don't want her in my house, I don't want her around my kid, and to be honest, I don't I feel worried when she's around you.
You don't have to worry about me.
I know.
So, then Mrs.
McGruer accidentally made Jacob B.
the host.
And he muted her and would not let her be the host again, and she was so mad and said, like, all the bad words.
I thought you said she was muted? Oh, she was.
I'm just really good at reading lips.
Welcome to the Garden! Whoa.
This is incredible.
When did you do this? I left, like, 30 minutes ago.
Make no mistake, this took days Days of planning, but I wanted to bring the ultimate hockey experience to you, sir.
Liam, do you remember my friend, Gary? Yeah.
Uh hey.
Hey, kid.
Your mom says you love hockey.
Well, [CHUCKLES.]
so does this guy, if you couldn't tell.
And since they canceled the season, I figured I would just bring the season to us.
So, one time it, Liam! Um you know, I like watching hockey.
Liam, he made this whole thing for you.
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope.
It's okay.
And you're right.
Playing hockey is stupid.
But you know what's not stupid? Ice cream.
There is an entire sundae bar waiting.
Um g You know, I'm not really hungry.
Okay.
Um, how about another game? You like "Dungeons &" "D&D"? You play "D&D"? Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Yeah.
I mean, I used to.
Back in the You know what? I think Danny still has his old books and and things up in his room.
- I can go get them.
- Okay.
Can I use your bathroom? - You sure can.
- Thanks.
When you get back, I'm gonna blow your mythological mind.
[WHISPERING.]
I think it's going really well.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen, Eddie, before we get started today, we need to talk.
I haven't taken any pills today.
I am just very worried Wait, you haven't? Nope.
Look, obviously, I was going down a road, but I stopped.
I'm not gonna take any more.
Wow.
Okay.
Um I know that's really hard.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Just for the record, I'm not sure if I could have figured out how many cars were in that parking lot even on a good day.
[CHUCKLES.]
And here we go.
Oh, thank you, Albert.
No problem.
It's really cool of Gina to keep doing this, you know, with everything going on.
- Oh, man.
She's amazing.
- Yeah.
Hey, look, I didn't want to ask her this, but, um do you have any sense of what kind of runway we have? I mean, you know, we all want to stay, but she just seemed really worried.
You know what? Guess it's gonna be up to the virus, you know? Yeah.
Hey, we're here to the bitter end, right? - Go team.
- Go team.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Greg, I got your beet and arugula salad - with extra goat cheese.
- I'll ring you up What's all this? Oh, we're just making sandwiches for kids in need.
- Oh, that's cool.
- Mm-hmm.
Ring me up for two.
Uh you sure? No, you're right.
- Three.
- Wow.
That's very kind of you.
You know, actually, Gina's gonna ring you up.
Tyrell and I have to go do a quick errand.
- We do? - You do? Yeah.
And when you pack those sandwiches, do not forget the greens.
Good seeing you, man.
Alrighty.
Hey, have you seen this? MAGGIE: Oh, is it the video of the German Shepherd telling us how to wear our masks correctly? 'Cause I've seen it, and I would like to see it again.
Wait.
What is this? These are the stats on your podcast.
Your podcast that a thousand people have listened to.
What? Wait, is this real, or are you really good at Photoshop? Well, both those things can be true.
No, it's real.
It's real.
Look.
Your latest episode is apparently very popular.
Wow.
Look at all these comments.
People are saying that they came here from a blog, "MakeMyDaisy.
" "I love hearing a psychologist get so vulnerable about her real life.
" - Oh, well done, you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
"And the second half was less like a podcast and more like a conversation I was eavesdropping on.
And the British guy is a great add.
I love their chemistry.
" Well, that's as nice as it is accurate, - but I was never on - Oh, no.
- What? - No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What, what, what, what, what, what, what? Uh I-I-I never pressed stop when we were talking, and I must have uploaded the entire thing.
Um, what did we say? What did we say? Uh no.
Nothing bad.
No, j just the stuff about Gary proposing, and you rejecting him, and us wondering why he still has the ring.
And a thousand people have heard it? It's It's more like 1,100 now.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
[CREEPY VOICE.]
As you walk towards the cave, a giant frog-like humanoid jumps out and attacks you! [CHUCKLES.]
Uh, so, I'm I'm guessing I'm dead? Not necessarily.
You have one chance to roll a dexterity save, young Prometheus.
You know, um, I don't want to be saved.
- Of course you do.
- No, it's okay, I don't.
I think you do, though, especially since the dungeon master's dating your mom.
He's gonna look out for you.
I'm gonna go use the bathroom.
[GRUNTS.]
You know where it is.
[CHUCKLES.]
- I thought I was killing it.
- No.
I said "humanoid", the word "humanoid.
" I've never said that.
It just flew out of my mouth, and not in a creepy way, you know? Like in the moment.
I shouldn't have made the joke about dating his mom, right? That's probably where I lost him.
Well, we knew that this was gonna be hard.
- Divorce sucks.
- Yeah.
Can we just go home? Okay.
I'll grab my purse.
I'm sorry.
We'll try this another time.
I'm sure he's gonna come around.
I just I don't know what happened.
Hey.
I think I do.
Look, I swear, I-I didn't know I was recording and I maybe might have shared some stuff, uh, that I shouldn't have, about you and me and the night we broke up, uh, stuff that might bother you if it was out there.
Um, anyway, uh, call me.
You know, honestly, I may be making a bigger deal out of this than I need to, and I don't know why my voice is going even higher because that's not helping, so I'm just gonna end this message.
Uh, bye.
Uh, this is Maggie, by the way.
Wow.
I wish I was recording that.
That was podcast gold.
How could I have let this happen? I never should have upgraded to the more complicated equipment.
Well, in their defense, when they said one-touch uploading, they weren't kidding.
I'm taking it down.
Sorry, what? You're taking it down? It's the Internet.
It doesn't matter if you take it down now.
Look.
1,246 people have already downloaded it.
No.
I-I used his name and I said so many personal things.
Right.
You were vulnerable and honest, and that is what so many people are responding to.
I know you didn't mean to upload it, but it seems like exactly the kind of thing that you wanted your podcast to do.
And what happened to not listening to those voices in your head that tell you to second-guess things, huh? Alright, look, Gary might be my ex-boyfriend, but he's also someone I really care about, and I-I-I can't hurt him.
Maybe you're right.
God, you are so damn above board.
You make me want to commit a felony.
Which you could then accidentally record and upload for all your 1,300 fans to hear.
Fine.
Take it down.
But I'm taking a screenshot first.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Great.
- - [SIGHS.]
[GARY SIGHS.]
Ready, Mom? Yeah.
Gary just wanted to say something first.
That's right.
I want to apologize to you about "D&D.
" Honestly, I-I don't think we should be sharing stuff right now.
I'm pretty freaked out about the virus.
You are? [CHUCKLES.]
Big time.
Look, man, I know I don't look like it, but, uh, probably one of the safest, cleanest guys you can meet, and, you know, if you need to wash your hands, that's cool.
You don't need to hide it.
I mean I wash my hands like 30 times a day.
He does.
His hands are so dry.
Look, there's a lot of stuff going on in the world that's scary and out of control, and it's probably even harder for you to deal with all of that on top of meeting your mom's new, super cool boyfriend.
I would just say boyfriend.
- Ha! - [LAUGHS.]
That's good.
Well played.
Sorry if I ruined the game.
It's just To be honest with you, I was afraid to even come over.
It feels like everyone's getting sick.
Liam, you didn't tell me that.
You were so excited for me to meet Gary.
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
It's fine if you're my mom's boyfriend, just so you know.
Thank you.
That That means everything to me.
How about that ice cream sundae? Or would you rather have an individually wrapped ice cream bar? Now you're speaking my language.
Follow me.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What's going on in here? I'm making my famous lemonade that I've never made before.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's to thank Dakota for helping me yesterday.
Oh, that's really nice of you, T.
Can I help you with the cutting? - Okay.
- Yeah? You do that, and I'll grab the glasses with the lemons on them.
[WATER RUNNING.]
Try to get it.
- Oh, no! - [PILLS CLATTERING.]
- Dad's pills! - Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's all good.
Look what I found.
Um, these were on the lower shelf.
These are the last two.
- Alright, let's hear that one back.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
What is this? Why are there aspirin in your oxycodone, Eddie? Tell me what is going on right now.
[SIGHS.]
I-I took them.
Um I knew Eddie wasn't using them, so a couple of days ago, I snuck into the house and I swapped the pills for aspirin.
I didn't think anyone would notice.
Unbelievable.
My husband gives you a second chance, and you steal his medication so you can get high? I'm sorry.
You're only saying sorry because you got caught.
Well, it's too late for that.
Right? I can't believe this.
I trusted you.
I vouched for you.
THEO: [BRITISH ACCENT.]
Alright.
Good sir has arrived with the lemonade.
Uh, T, let's, uh Let's go in the house, okay? - But I - Now.
Yeah.
I want her out of here.
Thank you.
I just I couldn't, you know? Dakota.
I'm sorry.
I hope it was worth it.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Was that Gary? Did he call? No.
It's a voicemail.
It's my doctor's office.
They can get me in for my screening next week.
Are you still looking at the comments? We get it.
America loves you.
Actually, I was booking my flight home.
Oh.
Well, I mean, I came in for the and now you're not.
- So I figured you'd want me to - Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, uh Well, maybe you could stay until after my screening, and we could go back together.
Mm.
Well, this means I'm gonna have to do laundry.
Which works perfectly, because earlier, I found a stash of Gary's quarters.
You gotta stop.
It's okay.
America loves me.
[CHUCKLES.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hey.
Hey.
Have a seat.
Is, uh Is everything okay? Uh you and I have known each other for more than half my life.
And And you know how much I care about you, but Babe, you gotta see this.
Rome, I'm in the middle of No, no, you're really gonna wanna see this.
- Is that Shanice? - You know it.
SHANICE: Now, more than ever, we need to be staying at home, safe.
But that does not mean you can't order from your favorite restaurant.
Support local establishments, like my personal favorite, Someday, located in the great city of Boston.
Look, if you order a meal, they will give a second meal to a child in need.
- So, click the link in my bio - [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
And let me just tell you, the truffle mac You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, my God.
How How'd you get her to do this? Uh, it was sort of a team effort.
You should have seen Tyrell giving Shanice direction.
He made her do like four takes on that last line.
Well, she wanted to rewrite everything.
Listen, I really hate to interrupt whatever break you guys are taking right now, but the orders are flying in and the phones are ringing off the hook.
[TELEPHONE RINGING IN BACKGROUND.]
- Albert? - On it, Chef.
Alright.
So, that stuff you were gonna say a minute ago? All I wanted to say was thank you.
[RINGING CONTINUES.]
Someday.
This is Albert.
Hey.
Yeah, I know.
That was really cool, right? Okay, what can I get for you? Oh, yeah, right.
That's Shanice's favorite.
Uh, that was fun, but I should probably start heading home.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Your mother must be wondering where you are.
Any update on her job search? Nothing yet.
It's pretty bleak out there.
Huh.
I thought she was an EMT.
Seems like Covid would have her busy as ever right now.
Yeah, totally.
It's just She's she's been sick, so Really? I-Is it Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
She just, uh She just sprained her ankle.
Oh.
Yeah.
Just Just ankle.
Is she okay? She's doing a lot better, actually.
Thanks for asking.
She just has to keep her weight off of it, you know? But, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, right? Good work today.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I will.
I love you, too, sweetie.
Prometheus wanted me to tell you not to forget to wash between your fingers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but, uh, I'm in love with your son.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You guys have a lot in common.
You seemed pretty clued in on what was bothering him.
I guess I, uh, can relate to some of the, uh OCD-type tendencies.
Sometimes, when things get too out of control, I like to focus on the small things.
Like cleaning.
You probably haven't noticed.
I'm very subtle about it.
Oh.
Very.
Ah.
And then there's the, uh, lucky hat.
Mm-hmm.
Jon gave it to me when I started chemo.
I wore it to every test, every screening.
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes, I think I give it more credit for my recovery than the doctors.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's not something I admit very often.
Um Um, I I have something I want to admit to you, too.
You've been so open with me, I want to tell you the real reason why I've been having those nightmares.
I wanted to tell you.
I just I didn't I didn't know how, and the reason why I can't tell you is because of what happened when I was when I was in Iraq.
Okay, um, we we were clearing an old hospital that had been taken over by enemy snipers.
And the place seemed deserted, but I I knew better than to trust that.
Then I heard a gunshot.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I whipped around as fast as I could and I fired back.
[MUFFLED GUNSHOT.]
You only get a split second to make a decision like that.
The sound that I heard it was not it wasn't a gunshot.
It was It was [CRYING.]
He was just a He was just a kid.
He was barely older than Liam.
He s-shouldn't have been there.
He was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but it doesn't change the fact that now there's a mother out there right now who doesn't have her son because of me.
- [SOBBING.]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.
[SOBBING.]
Shh.
I got you.
You're okay.
NA MEMBER: The minute I decided to shoot up again, I knew that I was gonna lose everything.
My wife, my kids, my job.
But that didn't stop me.
And And I was right.
I, uh Margot won't even let me see the kids anymore.
Thank you for sharing that, Todd.
I know it's been tough.
We always take the last few minutes of our meeting to allow new people to introduce themselves.
Does anyone else want to share tonight? Anyone? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]