Awkward s03e07 Episode Script

Previously on Awkward I'm not good enough for Matty.
He's hot, and I'm not.
What do you see in me? Bless me, father, for I have sinned.
I was the girl who tried to kill herself.
It was weird.
My suicide story, which made me a freak in my high school, made me a hero in theirs.
I'm a mess at best Once again, homecoming pinning was in process.
Yes! Yes! It was an ancient Palos Hills tradition that was otherwise known as Bloody Thursday because, while it was an honor to get stuck, no one knew their way around a pin.
You come over Is it weird that I'm worried I might not get one? Girlfriend, loosen up your poodle skirt.
Matty is not gonna leave you lacking.
As outdated as the tradition was, there was something about being outed by your date that was - Is Jenna Hamilton here? - Sweet.
But in my excitement to be a have, I'd forgotten about the girls who were still have-nots, like Kiki Reynolds and Mia Brady and Kristy Patton.
I knew what it was like to be bare-chested.
Jenna Hamilton, will you be Matty's girl? Yes, I will.
I'm not so sold on the safety of this pin.
I can show you how to stick it.
Or I can show you where to stick it.
Later.
Bye.
Maybe my pin didn't need to be a ticket for the guilt train.
Maybe it could just remind me that I was lucky I had a boyfriend.
Besides, it wasn't like I was gonna rub it in anyone's face.
Oh.
Sorry.
Or maybe I was.
About time we all get to click "Like" on this bizarro ritual.
Although I forgot to wear a fucking shirt.
I didn't.
As expected, my beard was a pro at the pin stick.
A little blood could've gone a long way to jazz mine up.
At least you got a pin.
Remember what it felt like last year? - Or the year before? - That's what I'm saying.
Don't you guys have any survivor's guilt? It just feels obnoxious to flaunt our good fortune.
Maybe we should take them off.
Oh, pop a chillax-ative, Jenna.
These pins are not gonna make any girl's spiral go viral.
What's the point of all this, anyway? We're just gonna spend hours getting ready, only to sweat through our dresses, sitting on our boyfriend's lap.
- She is a truth-talker.
- What do you mean? Matty.
He doesn't even dance.
Big ups on the love marks, ladies.
Way to be datable.
Miss Patton, can you follow me? Kristy Patton, prime example.
We were BFFs in the fourth grade, and yes, I stopped being friends with her when she started eating chalk, but I could just as easily be her, having a no-date meltdown today.
Ugh, Ming, I can't handle Jenna when she's down with a frown.
How about a little backup? Uh I'm ready to call in my favor.
- Favor? - Don't you remember when I got you the sanctuary tape last year, and you said if there was ever anything in the world I needed, you'd do it? That's not exactly what happened.
Since you're on the homecoming committee for the East Meets West Club-- Are you confusing me with another Asian? You replaced the former rep, the one who mysteriously disappeared.
I think his name was Fred Wu.
- Fred who? - I didn't know him either.
The committee's been in a dance theme deadlock for weeks.
The emergency vote is this afternoon.
It's down to Great Ball Of China and Tropic Like It's Hot.
Oh, so you want me to vote China? You shouldn't jump to conclusions.
You aren't very good at it.
I need you to make Great Ball lose.
I don't understand.
All you need to understand is that there's nothing to understand.
So do I even have a choice? Don't be silly.
Of course you do.
Oh.
You want to double-cross a double-crosser? I'm weighing my options.
Oh, well, drop your options back on the scale because the only way this is gonna end is with you on a slow boat to China.
This might be my chance to get back at her for all the shit she's done to me.
Jenna! Thoughts? Hamilton, rein in the obsessing stressing.
Kristy Patton is fine.
Maybe Matty used toxic paint on her pin.
How many fingers am I holding up? Two.
And a thumb.
Hey.
You don't have to wear the pin.
Why wouldn't I? I don't know.
It's kind of obnoxious.
But, to my credit, not as obnoxious as Hillary Matthews'.
Obnoxious.
That was my word.
But I hadn't shared it with Matty, which meant - T, need a napkin? - I got one.
Will you walk with me to get one? There's a whole stack right here.
Those aren't substantial.
I need a substantial napkin and your help in carrying it.
What's with the twitch-sitch? "Napkin" isn't any of the codes I know.
What about girl code? Do you know that one? Why did you tell Matty what I said about the pin? I didn't tell Matty.
I just maybe told Jake.
But Jake and I-- Tell each other everything.
I've heard.
But your sharing is getting back to my relationship.
Please stop talking to Jake about Matty and me.
Okay.
Fine.
Even if Jake wants to talk - about you or Matty, I won't.
- Sounds good.
Like, even if I find out Matty wants to buy you a stuffed animal for your birthday, I'll just let it happen.
Uh, I have to go do a-a thing.
He says he's ready then he makes me wait If Kristy was about to get to second base with a pin, then I'd be able to tuck my guilt to sleep.
But the action was all in my head.
Kristy wasn't getting pinned, which was making her too depressed to eat Well, there's no place I'd rather be and causing her to old-school blog out her feelings Than here with you in front of me and share her sob story with Val.
Unfortunately, my guilt trip wasn't going anywhere.
We need to talk about Kristy.
Oh, it is so sweet of you to take an interest in the bottom feeders of the social aquarium, but I cannot discuss other students' problems.
I'm just really worried about her.
Mm, well, maybe we can discuss our mutual friend Stapler.
Stapler is in a dark place, J.
He is just careening down the rabbit hole.
And if you think life topside is tough, it is worse down below.
You know, Stapler reminds me a lot of who you could've been had our paths never crossed.
Are you suggesting we need to start a Kristy watch? Oh, I'm watching her very closely, and I gave her my best advice.
Which was? Avoid the dance.
Ugh, I hate to kick you out, but pin day is my busiest day of the year, just a big ol' trail of tears to and from my office.
Val's advice to avoid the dance wasn't revolutionary, considering Kristy didn't have a date.
But she had a point, and I suddenly had a plan.
I can't wear the pin.
It's not that I don't love that you made it for me.
I mean, I really am impressed with your craftsmanship.
Pipe cleaners are tricky.
But I can't support a tradition that makes other girls feel bad about themselves.
Because I don't think anyone should have to feel less than.
Every now and then I would try to start again Okay.
You don't have to wear it.
Just enough to pull you But will you still keep it? Even with the pin off my shirt, my chest was still heavy.
Maybe if I really wanted to stand up to this tradition, I needed to sit it out.
It's not just the pin.
It's the dance.
I can't go.
I'm sorry.
Silencio, por favor.
I have just tallied the third round of silent ballots.
This all could've been done weeks ago if I still had universal power.
On that note, the ballots say that cheerleaders should run concessions this year.
I think you're really gonna rock the apron/hair net combo.
Watch it with the 'tude, twiggy, or I will break you in half.
With your giant man hands? We have a tie between Tropic Like It's Hot and Great Ball Of China.
Reps from each club, prepare your final pitches.
Hey! So.
Do you consider yourself a manipulative bitch? Right.
Okay.
Um, as a manipulative bitch, if you ask someone to do something, do you want them to do it? Or do you ask them the opposite of what you want, knowing they know you're a bitch and might not do it? If I tell someone to do something, I want it done, like I want you to take your dumb-ass questions and your androgynous wardrobe and go away.
Ohh.
So Becca does want Great Ball to lose.
Which means Opium smoke fills the air.
Paper lanterns dance across a harvest moon.
And tiny triangles of foil-wrapped chicken.
Becca can suck my big fat-- Woody.
Woody Loveridge would be perfect for Kristy.
Let me see your pin.
Ah! Ooh, crafty.
Why aren't you wearing it? I want to see it on.
I'm not putting it on, and I'm not going to the dance.
- Did you break up? - No! - Matty doesn't want to go.
- No.
I don't.
I don't want to be a part of something that makes girls without dates feel bad.
But that's part of what's so great about having a date.
No, you don't get it.
I don't want to single out the singles.
I've been there, and it sucks.
- But you're not there anymore.
- I know.
And someone needs to take a stand because people are hurting.
Does Matty want to go? - Yes.
- So let me get this straight.
You're hurting someone you love to avoid hurting people you barely know, who, by the way, will be sitting at home and will never know you went to the dance anyway.
Who wins here? Me, because I'm taking a stand.
- Well, it's a dumb stand.
- Well, you're a dumb mom.
And you are a crazy teenager, and a selfish one at that, because protesting the dance doesn't help anyone, and it hurts Matty.
It is his night too.
- What are you doing? - Calling Matty.
You're going.
Talk.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry you had front row seats to the freak show earlier.
Do you want to go to the dance? - Do you want to go? - If you want to go.
I think it might be fun, but I don't want to make you go.
I don't want to make you not go.
- Then let's go.
- Great, can't wait.
Hmm.
Homecoming's back on.
But I am confused.
She didn't want to go.
Now she wants to go.
Do you know what's up? I know nothing.
Mm, you know something.
- No, I don't.
- What do you know? Nothing.
No.
- Do-do do-do - No! No! No no no! Stop stop stop stop stop! Jenna's upset Matty doesn't dance! I am so dead.
So it was about me.
You should go.
Uh! You are just gonna tickle and toss me? I'm sorry.
I gotta call bro code.
Okay.
I'm gonna break it down for you.
You gotta break it down.
I can't.
Well, you have to.
I really cannot dance.
I'm-- I'm bad.
And that is why you have me.
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not footloosing.
Ha, like you're ready for a warehouse.
I don't even know what that means.
Never mind.
Help me move this.
you never saw it good You're gonna grapevine, and grapevine, and sprinkler, sprinkler, sprinkler, twist, twist, twist, oh, yeah! Let me slow it down for you, okay? Grapevine.
Grapevine.
Sprinkler.
Sprinkler.
- These are the basics? - Yeah.
I'm not even giving you an eight-count.
I'm just freestyling.
There is no way I can do this.
Okay, okay, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let me let you in on a little secret, passed down through generations of Rosati men You just gotta give good face.
What are you looking at right now? You're lookin' at my face.
- Yeah.
- Ha, ha, right? - Yeah! - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
All right.
- Ha! - Oh, yeah.
We're gonna have you making dance magic in no time, man.
Oh, yeah! What time is it? I thought they would be here by now.
- Why did they want to meet us? - Matty wouldn't say.
Did Kristy Patton get a date? Until yesterday, I hadn't even heard of her, so my intel on her dating life is nada boom.
If Kristy wasn't a sad single, I could flip off my guilt switch and finally-- Relax, dude.
Hey, it'll be over before you know it.
Let's see those faces.
Come on.
Give it to me.
Uh.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ha.
You're as good as it gets.
Ming.
Honghui.
Is that your real name? What's up with the withholding? So, Great Ball Of China won.
Yeah, crazy, right? I talked about feet binding and how hard it is to eat with chopsticks, and people still thought it sounded like a party.
I know what you did in the meeting.
But don't worry.
I wanted Great Ball to win.
I got all this Asian crap for five cents on the dollar.
Now we have the rest of the dance budget to pay for our winter ski trip.
You get to keep the extra money? We have a very good accountant.
Enjoy the dance.
And try the dim sum.
The soy sauce has an extra kick.
- Your advice sucked.
- What advice? At the homecoming hearing.
You screwed me.
I don't care enough about you to screw you.
Where did I go wrong? Sorry, Slim Sadie.
Could barely even see you there.
Kidding! Who couldn't see you? Bump me again, and I will shove one of these stupid Asian dumplings so far up your ass, you'll start speaking broken English.
I asked a white bitch for Asian bitch advice.
Fuck me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What took you guys so long? - Jake had bad tacos.
- Matty had bad tacos.
Whatever.
You can keep your bromo-erotic secrets to yourself.
But, Jake, can we go hip-lock already? Ooh.
Talk dirty to me, baby.
While they went to grind, I would be lap-locked in three, two-- One sec, Jake.
Ugh, I wish our boyfriends would break up.
I can't dance to this song.
It's too slow.
I won't be able to distract people with my face.
Okay.
I heard there's a secret menu at the dim sum cart where if you ask for "plum surprise", you get soy sauce packets full of liquor.
Why don't we get a couple of those, calm you down? Yeah, that sounds good.
Hey, we'll be right back.
The double-crosser double-crossed me, but I will take her down.
Hate to blow out your hate-scheme pipe dream, but Becca's always three steps ahead.
Actually, she has tiny feet.
Make that five.
T's right.
She probably already knows you're trying to retaliate.
No, she thinks I'm scared again.
There's no way she knows I'm long-hauling my revenge.
_ Holy shit! Henry.
We gotta go.
Do your parents have a fallout shelter? You would never come to the dance alone, would you? Let's rewind to an hour ago, when we drove ourselves here.
But we had dates, and when we didn't, we were no-shows.
Loop me in on your spiral.
I haven't actually seen Kristy with a guy all night.
Again with the Patton patrol? I'm gonna go do a drive-by.
There is no liquor on this cart.
Who would make up plum surprise? New song.
I think I can dance to it.
- Ha.
You're gonna dance.
- Look.
Jenna has the same idea.
Just remember, you're not gonna be alone.
You can do this.
I don't know what you're waiting for I wanna see you play come on and make my day I fucking love Asians.
I was right.
Kristy didn't have a date.
She wasn't having fun.
Her night was about to get awesome.
Bryan Johnson was gonna ask her to dance.
They'd bump, grind, fall in love, and live happily never after.
I was still living in the house that guilt built, and there was only one way to tear it down.
Oh.
Mic check, one two, one two Hey, I'll find her.
Keep moving.
Eyes on the prize, out of your head.
I gotta get this party started I gotta get this party crackin' I gotta bring that back to the club all right, now watch me make it happen Where's Jenna? I need you to get her.
- Why? - I can't say.
Bro code.
Bro code can suck it.
I'm not gonna help you unless you tell me what's going on.
Okay, fine.
Matty's gonna dance.
I just want to say these dances are lame.
- Okay.
- I've been where you are.
And I know that these dumb school traditions can make it really easy for you to feel unlovable.
Not that you are.
That's not what I meant.
But I know that you're going into the bathroom to cry right now.
And I want to say, it gets better, Kristy.
What are you talking about? You don't have to pretend.
I know you've been too depressed to eat.
I saw you throw away your lunch.
You saw that? That wasn't my lunch.
That was a drop.
It-- But you were journaling about your heartache on the quad.
I don't have a journal.
Okay, what about in Val's office? Your eyes were bloodshot.
I was high-balls, Jenna.
Listen, I appreciate your concern, but I'm not here for the memories.
I came to make a transaction, and honestly, it looks like you could really use something to take the edge off.
Here.
The first one's free.
Put your hands where I can see them.
You're a cop, Dylan? It's Leonard, and I'm DEA.
You're going down.
You're free to boogie.
Suddenly, I was high-- without the drugs.
Kristy wasn't sad or lonely or a have-not, because she was about to have-- a record.
Jenna, come.
Now.
Matty's gonna dance.
Before we touch More faces! Come a little closer Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Matty was dancing, and he wasn't the only one.
Apparently, I didn't have to feel sorry for anyone except myself, because I wasn't on the dance floor.
I told Matty you were upset he doesn't dance, but I didn't know he was gonna be such a spaz-hole.
I'm sorry I broke girl code.
I'm not.
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical I won't treat you like you're oh so typical I don't want to do this.
Come on, I didn't get to see all of it 'cause I couldn't get past your posse.
What can I say? The ladies love my moves.
So let's see some.
Okay.
Hit it.
Just all physical I'm the type who won't get oh so critical so let's make things physical Come on, J-town, don't leave me hanging again! I want you close, I want you I won't treat you like you're typical I want you close I want you - Next on Awkward - I have to go read at the stupid coffee house tonight.
She's got a performance tonight, which she is now shutting me out of.
My name is Jenna.
This is the story of how I lost my virginity.
I'll be in the car.
You were classic.
Why'd you come tonight? Hold on a sec.
- So who is the guy you stayed with? - Collin? He's at my class.