Baroness von Sketch Show (2016) s03e07 Episode Script
Summer of '65
1 That's really red lipstick, eh? Like it makes your eyes kinda look all swollen and stuff.
You need to pay with gold bars here? Holy moly.
There's barely any choice here.
Can I just have a burger or something? Help you with anything are you ready to, uh, to order? Ugh, everything in this place is so expensive.
How is anybody supposed to have a decent meal? - Am I right? - Yeah.
Like why don't I just give you my wallet, give you the money from my wallet while I decide what artisanal cracker or plate of kale I'm supposed to order, um Uh, we're having trouble deciding, uh, do you have any suggestions? Uh, yeah, maybe it's like, taking a little bit of space, getting out and seeing other people, you know, realizing that you're capable of of better? Oh, you know what? I can't do those things, I have father issues.
Coconut calamari? The two things I'm allergic to, great.
Mm.
Look, we've been going at her for hours, okay? She's not gonna break.
Huh.
Yeah, yeah, but she's been trading secrets with the Russians, and we need to get the name of her contacts.
It's not changing.
You know what, um Send in Gomez and Crawford.
No, no, not Gomez and Crawford.
They're brutal.
Hey, look, I don't like their methods any more than you do.
Okay, Steve? But we gotta get those names.
Send them in.
Chief, I just think you should reconsider Okay.
Crawford, Gomez, you're up! It's like I'm obsessed with you.
I I don't know, like I just love like her blouse and all that.
Like, everything she was wearing I was like, "I need that right away.
" Right.
I don't know.
I found Fashion Week this year such a bore.
Oh my god, you're so right.
Listen, next time you're there, if it's terrible, why don't you just give me call and come up to the house because Clinton is dying to see you.
Oooh.
I'm not telling you shit.
What? Just I'm not telling you shit.
Um, no one asked you to.
Anyway.
That's fine.
Oh ladies, that is so fine 'cause I'm gonna tell you a little something about me.
This right here, La Bouche, you know what that is? Steel trap.
No one cares, dude.
I have to tell you the funniest thing.
Oh my god, that's so funny, I know that one.
No, no, no, no, I know that one, that's a good joke, I know it.
I know that, oh yeah that joke? That's a good one, I know that joke.
Oh my god, I laughed so hard at that joke.
We could just talk about that's so funny.
Wait, what are you Are you guys saying stuff about me? What are you saying? If you've got something to say you can totally say it to my face, like I can take it.
You can just say it to my face, it's fine.
I can Hey guys? Just so you know, whispering is rude, okay? Hey guys! You guys are like being real jerks right now.
Oh my god, someone, okay fine! Fine! Aleah Polashenka, okay, she's in Moscow.
There ya go.
Whoa whoa whoa, you have it, it's out, we're friends now.
We're on the same page, fine, you got it, right? How are you? Like what are you guys doing later? Um, do you wanna go outside because it's getting a little crowded in here.
I got more, do you guys want more? I got more.
I have, um Dmitri Vensika, huge massive.
You'll be, they'll love that you know that.
He's in Moscow too.
I'm a good, we can, I'm a good Look I can dance for you, and I Ladies, we did it! Like, nice work.
Guys, you guys, we did it.
You did it, it was mostly you.
We didn't do it.
You guys did it, that's great, um Anyway, you know what? Wanna go for a drink? Congratulations drink? You know what I, my treat.
I will It's my treat.
Just, oh hey Steve, hey.
Hey, I'm gonna go grab a drink with Crawford and Gomez.
They just sent me a text, so.
Oh, I thought maybe like all of us could go? Okay.
I'll go for a drink with you.
You guys? Guys? That's how it happens.
But it is how it happens, you know? So that would be funny.
Imagine the difference Oh, oh my god Ashley! I didn't know you were here.
Oh yeah, yeah I know Kelly from work.
Oh, wow, fantastic fantastic.
So who is this? - Hi, Doug, nice to meet you.
- Hello Doug.
Nice to meet you, mmm.
I'm just gonna hit the bar.
- Okay.
- For sure, for sure.
Oh my god, he is super cute.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, tell me everything.
Are you dating? Ah well, uh no.
We wouldn't really use the, the term dating.
Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right.
But you're seeing each other.
Oh, I mean, we see each other for sure but are we like, seeing each other? Uh, you know, I wouldn't use that.
But you're a thing? Well a thing, what's a thing? You know, it sounds like a blah, like this unsexy, just blah, a noun.
- Are you a noun? No.
- Okay, okay, okay, well you're, no, you're like together, you're hanging out.
You're We wouldn't use the phrase hanging out.
It's a sense of puerile.
What phrase would you use? I don't know, um Don't you? Come on, tell me, tell me.
I need to know.
I want you to define this for me.
- Lay it on me, come on.
- I just Holding hands, have you seen his underwear? - Okay, I just met him! - Oh.
Okay, he's married and he's gay and I honestly think he was just trying to find an excuse to leave.
Oh.
So you're alone.
Well I don't know if I would say I'm alone.
I mean, you know, like what is alone, right? Am I am I seeing someone? No.
But am I alone? I mean that's a larger existential question then.
Get the fuck out of here.
Fran, hello? Can I try on these two items? Change room four.
Thank you.
I'll get it.
This is huge.
Hello? Fran.
Can I have a different size? Anyone? What? Hello? Ugh.
I'll just get it myself.
Here it is.
Oh, this is the same! Not right.
Grrr! Fran! Maggie? Eihi! Okay, uh Greg, hello.
Is this your, um is it your uh - Girlfriend.
- It's your girlfriend.
- Your new girlfriend.
- Yeah.
Hello, um Hmm, mmm, no thanks.
It's lovely to meet you.
Just how are your parents? They both still don't forgive you for what you did.
Great.
Well tell them I say hi.
Yeah.
You still making those burgers? He makes a mean burger.
We're vegan now.
I'm just gonna try these panties on.
Lovely to see you both.
I never knew she existed.
You've never mentioned this person.
- Yeah I blocked her out.
- Oh, okay.
All aboard! That's me, darling.
I will miss you dearly.
I fear nothing, for I know you will be at home waiting for me, ever devoted no matter how many years.
Um, I'm sorry, did you say years? I thought this whole thing was supposed to be wrapped up by Christmas? Well yes, it may drag on three or four more Christmases, maybe more.
More? Okay, so like I'm 21 now, that would make me 25.
I mean, life expectancy for a woman these days is only like, 38 barring farm accidents.
But I will fight as long as it takes knowing you're at home waiting for me, tatting a doily, ever chaste.
Okay, okay, um, really appreciated the fighting, thank you very much and you know me, I live to tat.
It's just, is there a thing as the ever chaste? Oh yeah, fear not, I'll be true to you while I'm fighting the good fight in France.
Okay, listen, um babe, uh, just go with me on this one, all right? You know how we have, uh, to this point, done mostly like over the petticoat stuff? Your handholding game is strong.
- It's strong, loving it.
- Thank you, thank you.
I'm just saying, I have heard that these French women, they know things.
No French trollop will come between me and my true love.
Totally appreciate that.
You got a free pass, if you meet a French trollop whose interested in teaching you some under the petticoat.
Darling, you must banish these foolish thoughts.
No lips but mine will touch yours until I return.
- No lips? - None.
No.
What about down there? No.
You know what, maybe it's time that we opened this up a bit.
And if I die a glorious death and not return, I'll rest in peace knowing you'll remain virginal - and pure until you die.
- Oh, uh, Probably in a farm accident.
Mm.
And we'll be reunited in heaven.
Intense.
Final call, all aboard! Oh.
Goodbye, my forever chaste lovekins.
Oh, just Oh, missed a bit.
- Okay.
- Oh, uh, all right.
That's how you do me? Yeah, bye.
Bye, have a great war.
A total blue bean here! Hey, Cheryl.
What's up, girl? Um, I'm just on Facebook and I read your status.
Yeah? And it says, "Why is it so hard for my co-workers to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of leaving them in the sink? WTF.
" Hah, yeah.
I can't help but think that this is about me.
Ah, wha? You just wrote it like, a minute ago and a minute before that we were in the kitchen.
I did put a dish in the sink and you saw me.
Yeah.
Trust me, girl, not about you.
Okay.
Anyway, did I mention that I love your cardigan? Oh, uh.
Honestly, red is your colour, lady Lou.
Thank you, it's it's actually a blazer.
Ah, super nice.
Really like it.
Now your status reads, "My co-worker confronted me out of nowhere.
It's not all about you.
" Huh, right.
- Is it about me? - No.
No, it is not about you.
I love the cardigan though, honestly.
- Blazer.
- Did you say buzzer? Blazer.
My blazer aside, you were just writing this.
- We just finished speaking.
- Uh huh.
- Where I was confronting you.
- Uh huh.
And then you typed this and pressed Enter and then I looked and this is what it said.
I know it can feel that way sometimes on Facebook.
A lot of people are writing stuff and whatever but you are my bestie.
Do not worry, you do you, me do me.
We do we, all good.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Love the cardigan though.
Blazer, thank you.
Sure.
You just typed this.
I can't believe my co-worker's still nagging me about this, chill.
- No I didn't.
- Yes you did.
- No I didn't.
- What were you doing then? How 'bout everyone just like gets on Facebook for a bit - and just does their work? - Oh, really, 'cause now your status says, "My co-worker's cardigan that she says is a blazer looks like a bag of red ass.
" Stop fucking writing about me! - Okay.
- Okay? Yeah, no more.
No more typing.
- Cheryl, we just said - I promise I won't type any - You just promised.
- I'm not gonna do anything.
Stop it! Stop it! - Stop it! - Hey! Stop writing about me on Facebook! If you have something to say to me What, you want me to say it to your face? No! Just leave a passive aggressive note above the microwave like everybody else! Great blazer.
Thank you! Thank you.
It's my keyboard.
I need that for later.
I still have it on my phone though, so.
Listen.
I have said it before and I will say it again.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
Not a woman and a woman, not a man and a man.
Ugh, that is so gross, I cannot even say that out loud.
Keep going, sir.
Remember, stay on point.
Homosexuals should be reformed.
We cannot fall prey to their gay agenda.
Their "gaygenda", is that good? "Gaygenda", is that clever? I think so sir, it's pretty great.
- "Gaygenda".
- "Gaygenda".
Mr.
Senator, we have two members of the LGBTQ Community Outreach Program - here to see you.
- Ugh, I thought we cancelled that.
- No sir, we've had it booked for - Fine.
I just, I'm sorry sir.
Bring them in, Carole.
I'm sorry, sir.
This way please.
You can have five minutes with the Senator.
Thank you.
You can save your gay breath.
I will not be reversing my position on the "gaygenda".
He would never do that.
No, it's an interesting word.
You do not have to worry, Senator.
We are here to support you.
We're on your side, Ted.
What? Why? Being a violent homophobe is often the first step in a repressed man's realization that he's gay, so here is a pamphlet.
They brought pamphlets, sir.
I see that, Carole.
Okay.
Oh well.
Horsey sauce.
Why would I be trying to make gay marriage illegal if I were gay? Well maybe you're worried it would be too easy for you to get gay married if it were legal, you know? - I mean, another excellent - Shut up, Carole.
Point, sir.
Look, we understand why you need this law, Mr.
Senator.
Otherwise you'd be off in a drunken weekend in Las Vegas with Kevin over there - getting gay married accidentally.
- Hey! We don't talk about that trip! Shh! Stop it.
- That trip meant the world to me.
- It did? I never knew.
I meant every word that I said that night.
So did I sir, so did I.
Caesar's Palace.
Celine.
We went deep, Kevin.
Very deep, sir.
Mr.
Senator, I'm just gonna leave these pamphlets.
Thank you Carole, goodbye, Carole.
Apologies? Say gaygenda, sir.
- Gaygenda.
- Gaygenda.
Gaygenda.
Sir, your wife wants to know what you want for supper.
- Sausage! - Sausage.
Did you want me to keep you wife in the lobby, or? No, we're done.
- Can you grab me a diet coke? - Yes sir.
Sorry we're late, this is Donna, she's my co-worker, she's gonna join us today.
Thanks for having me.
Hope you know your shit, Donna.
Because we're gonna win the Kelsey's gift card tonight.
This table, bitches.
Put your fingers on the table if you wanna win.
- Wanna win.
- I've never done a trivia night before but I'm really gonna try my best.
Oh you never done a trivia night before? Heather, she's never done a trivia night before! She's super smart, I promise.
I'm gonna try really hard.
You guys ready for trivia night? Yeah.
Listen up, I will not be repeating the question.
I repeat, I will not be repeating the question.
You just repeated that you're not gonna repeat, dude.
Please, for the love of god, just listen.
Mmkay.
First question.
What was the title of the hit single from Canadian rock star Bryan Adams album Reckless that dealt with the nostalgia of a bygone era? - Summer of 6 - I've got it, I've got it.
I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
- Summer of '65.
- Oh.
Summer of '65.
Yeah that sounds right, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, write it down, - write it down.
- That sounds right, yeah okay.
- Summer of '65.
- Sorry, um, is it Sharon? I'm pretty sure it's actually it's '69, summer of '69.
Yeah no, it's like, definitely '65.
I literally love that song.
It's '65, write it down, lock it down, just put it in there.
It's '69.
It's no big deal but it's '69.
No, it's definitely '65, okay? I've been here at this table a little longer than you have, how does it go again? I buy my first real five string Six.
Bought it at the five and Dave I don't know what you said.
Played it till my fingers go red Until they bled.
It was the summer of '65 Yes, there it is, there it is.
And then on my mother's couch I knew that she was dressed in leather - Like a vampire in the night - What? I knew that I would suck your sweater That's not how it goes.
Ooh, this was the best day of my life Are you guys buying into this, really? It's '69, it's really, it's '69.
Honestly Donna, you gotta trust me on this one, girl.
I literally one hundy percent know that it's Summer of '65.
Write it down, Denise.
Okay.
It's '69.
Honestly, I was born in '65 Honestly Sharon, I know I just met you.
- It's Summer of '69.
- I know what a 65 is.
- Do you know what it is? - I know what it is! Do you know what it is? It's a 69! You know what a 69 is really? It's like reverse sex with someone's junk all in your face and your face is all in their junk and you're just going for it.
It's like It's multitasking sex.
It's efficient! It'll be wet but you'll cum really nice - My boyfriend and I call it 65.
- No you don't.
TGIF.
Oh tell me about it.
Yeah, you got any weekend plans? Oh yeah, for sure sure.
I have big, uh, plans to cancel my sister.
Tonight we're supposed to go to this like, annoying museum gala.
And then my boyfriend and I are planning on cancelling with his mom for dinner on Sunday night.
Nice! What about you? Oh, I'm supposed to go and see a play with some friends but I'm planning on getting cramps at the last minute.
- Oh, good idea.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh hey, are you going to Tina's party on Saturday? - Oh god, not a chance.
- Yeah, me either.
Already feeling a migraine coming on.
Okay, I will not see you there then.
Yeah right.
Weekend, woo! Woohoo! Not for this guy really, but - No.
- No.
Thanks.
Excuse me, you don't mind, do you? Not at all.
I'm here with my family and we just have an odd number.
Oh, yeah no, same with mine, they're up ahead.
- Okay.
- Sit yourself down, enjoy.
Um, these family outings.
You know, they can be a little bit boring but the kids, you know, they really They love it! They love it, it's good for them.
It's fun, you know.
And at least we get a break from being moms.
- Oh yeah.
- For like 10 minutes.
I snuck on my own little coffee - so I can enjoy it in peace.
- Look at you.
Look at you, here's to, here's to - Peaceful moments, yeah.
- It's so nice.
I have to say though, the kids love this but it's a little bit cheesy.
Oh yeah.
But I think any rational person wouldn't really believe Oh sweet Jesus Christ! Oh! Look at me, look at me, look at me.
- What's your name? - Diana! My name is goddamn Diana! Diana, I'm Marilyn.
Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, what is ha Look at me! Diana, I'm Marilyn.
You're fine, you, we're on a ride.
Am I fine? - You're fine.
- I'm on a AH! A witch.
It's a real witch! It's not a witch.
That's a real witch, it's gonna get you! - It's not a witch.
- It's gonna haunt us! It's fiberglass and shitty paint.
Okay, Diana, it's not real.
- This is a ride.
- Okay.
Remember you were just saying, this is a ride.
- This ride is not real.
- In a minute we're gonna get off.
This is just a warehouse with a track in it.
- You're okay.
- I'm okay.
- You're okay.
- Everything's gonna be okay.
Jesus Chriiiiiiissstttt! Oh my god.
Oh my god, what is that smell? Oh, it's shit, I shit my pants! I really did, I shit in my pants, Marilyn.
Oh my god, what were you eating? Mashed potatoes.
- Oh my god, I shit them.
- Oh god, it smells like something died! I had soup as well.
Oh god, I can taste it.
This isn't a joke! I know! What are we gonna do? Take your sweater off.
- I'm only wearing a shirt! - Wrap it around your waist! Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Okay, you're gonna have to get yourself back to that bathroom and wipe yourself off.
I am too scared Marilyn, I am not going back there! Get away from me.
You just need to go and clean yourself up - and figure it out! - No! - Yes! - I don't want to! - I am not your mother! - Oh my god! Get out! Get off! Ah, no, ugh! Help, anyone.
You just try to take two minutes to yourself.
Hi janitor, I'm so sorry, - I shit my pants.
- Ew.
You need to pay with gold bars here? Holy moly.
There's barely any choice here.
Can I just have a burger or something? Help you with anything are you ready to, uh, to order? Ugh, everything in this place is so expensive.
How is anybody supposed to have a decent meal? - Am I right? - Yeah.
Like why don't I just give you my wallet, give you the money from my wallet while I decide what artisanal cracker or plate of kale I'm supposed to order, um Uh, we're having trouble deciding, uh, do you have any suggestions? Uh, yeah, maybe it's like, taking a little bit of space, getting out and seeing other people, you know, realizing that you're capable of of better? Oh, you know what? I can't do those things, I have father issues.
Coconut calamari? The two things I'm allergic to, great.
Mm.
Look, we've been going at her for hours, okay? She's not gonna break.
Huh.
Yeah, yeah, but she's been trading secrets with the Russians, and we need to get the name of her contacts.
It's not changing.
You know what, um Send in Gomez and Crawford.
No, no, not Gomez and Crawford.
They're brutal.
Hey, look, I don't like their methods any more than you do.
Okay, Steve? But we gotta get those names.
Send them in.
Chief, I just think you should reconsider Okay.
Crawford, Gomez, you're up! It's like I'm obsessed with you.
I I don't know, like I just love like her blouse and all that.
Like, everything she was wearing I was like, "I need that right away.
" Right.
I don't know.
I found Fashion Week this year such a bore.
Oh my god, you're so right.
Listen, next time you're there, if it's terrible, why don't you just give me call and come up to the house because Clinton is dying to see you.
Oooh.
I'm not telling you shit.
What? Just I'm not telling you shit.
Um, no one asked you to.
Anyway.
That's fine.
Oh ladies, that is so fine 'cause I'm gonna tell you a little something about me.
This right here, La Bouche, you know what that is? Steel trap.
No one cares, dude.
I have to tell you the funniest thing.
Oh my god, that's so funny, I know that one.
No, no, no, no, I know that one, that's a good joke, I know it.
I know that, oh yeah that joke? That's a good one, I know that joke.
Oh my god, I laughed so hard at that joke.
We could just talk about that's so funny.
Wait, what are you Are you guys saying stuff about me? What are you saying? If you've got something to say you can totally say it to my face, like I can take it.
You can just say it to my face, it's fine.
I can Hey guys? Just so you know, whispering is rude, okay? Hey guys! You guys are like being real jerks right now.
Oh my god, someone, okay fine! Fine! Aleah Polashenka, okay, she's in Moscow.
There ya go.
Whoa whoa whoa, you have it, it's out, we're friends now.
We're on the same page, fine, you got it, right? How are you? Like what are you guys doing later? Um, do you wanna go outside because it's getting a little crowded in here.
I got more, do you guys want more? I got more.
I have, um Dmitri Vensika, huge massive.
You'll be, they'll love that you know that.
He's in Moscow too.
I'm a good, we can, I'm a good Look I can dance for you, and I Ladies, we did it! Like, nice work.
Guys, you guys, we did it.
You did it, it was mostly you.
We didn't do it.
You guys did it, that's great, um Anyway, you know what? Wanna go for a drink? Congratulations drink? You know what I, my treat.
I will It's my treat.
Just, oh hey Steve, hey.
Hey, I'm gonna go grab a drink with Crawford and Gomez.
They just sent me a text, so.
Oh, I thought maybe like all of us could go? Okay.
I'll go for a drink with you.
You guys? Guys? That's how it happens.
But it is how it happens, you know? So that would be funny.
Imagine the difference Oh, oh my god Ashley! I didn't know you were here.
Oh yeah, yeah I know Kelly from work.
Oh, wow, fantastic fantastic.
So who is this? - Hi, Doug, nice to meet you.
- Hello Doug.
Nice to meet you, mmm.
I'm just gonna hit the bar.
- Okay.
- For sure, for sure.
Oh my god, he is super cute.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, tell me everything.
Are you dating? Ah well, uh no.
We wouldn't really use the, the term dating.
Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right.
But you're seeing each other.
Oh, I mean, we see each other for sure but are we like, seeing each other? Uh, you know, I wouldn't use that.
But you're a thing? Well a thing, what's a thing? You know, it sounds like a blah, like this unsexy, just blah, a noun.
- Are you a noun? No.
- Okay, okay, okay, well you're, no, you're like together, you're hanging out.
You're We wouldn't use the phrase hanging out.
It's a sense of puerile.
What phrase would you use? I don't know, um Don't you? Come on, tell me, tell me.
I need to know.
I want you to define this for me.
- Lay it on me, come on.
- I just Holding hands, have you seen his underwear? - Okay, I just met him! - Oh.
Okay, he's married and he's gay and I honestly think he was just trying to find an excuse to leave.
Oh.
So you're alone.
Well I don't know if I would say I'm alone.
I mean, you know, like what is alone, right? Am I am I seeing someone? No.
But am I alone? I mean that's a larger existential question then.
Get the fuck out of here.
Fran, hello? Can I try on these two items? Change room four.
Thank you.
I'll get it.
This is huge.
Hello? Fran.
Can I have a different size? Anyone? What? Hello? Ugh.
I'll just get it myself.
Here it is.
Oh, this is the same! Not right.
Grrr! Fran! Maggie? Eihi! Okay, uh Greg, hello.
Is this your, um is it your uh - Girlfriend.
- It's your girlfriend.
- Your new girlfriend.
- Yeah.
Hello, um Hmm, mmm, no thanks.
It's lovely to meet you.
Just how are your parents? They both still don't forgive you for what you did.
Great.
Well tell them I say hi.
Yeah.
You still making those burgers? He makes a mean burger.
We're vegan now.
I'm just gonna try these panties on.
Lovely to see you both.
I never knew she existed.
You've never mentioned this person.
- Yeah I blocked her out.
- Oh, okay.
All aboard! That's me, darling.
I will miss you dearly.
I fear nothing, for I know you will be at home waiting for me, ever devoted no matter how many years.
Um, I'm sorry, did you say years? I thought this whole thing was supposed to be wrapped up by Christmas? Well yes, it may drag on three or four more Christmases, maybe more.
More? Okay, so like I'm 21 now, that would make me 25.
I mean, life expectancy for a woman these days is only like, 38 barring farm accidents.
But I will fight as long as it takes knowing you're at home waiting for me, tatting a doily, ever chaste.
Okay, okay, um, really appreciated the fighting, thank you very much and you know me, I live to tat.
It's just, is there a thing as the ever chaste? Oh yeah, fear not, I'll be true to you while I'm fighting the good fight in France.
Okay, listen, um babe, uh, just go with me on this one, all right? You know how we have, uh, to this point, done mostly like over the petticoat stuff? Your handholding game is strong.
- It's strong, loving it.
- Thank you, thank you.
I'm just saying, I have heard that these French women, they know things.
No French trollop will come between me and my true love.
Totally appreciate that.
You got a free pass, if you meet a French trollop whose interested in teaching you some under the petticoat.
Darling, you must banish these foolish thoughts.
No lips but mine will touch yours until I return.
- No lips? - None.
No.
What about down there? No.
You know what, maybe it's time that we opened this up a bit.
And if I die a glorious death and not return, I'll rest in peace knowing you'll remain virginal - and pure until you die.
- Oh, uh, Probably in a farm accident.
Mm.
And we'll be reunited in heaven.
Intense.
Final call, all aboard! Oh.
Goodbye, my forever chaste lovekins.
Oh, just Oh, missed a bit.
- Okay.
- Oh, uh, all right.
That's how you do me? Yeah, bye.
Bye, have a great war.
A total blue bean here! Hey, Cheryl.
What's up, girl? Um, I'm just on Facebook and I read your status.
Yeah? And it says, "Why is it so hard for my co-workers to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of leaving them in the sink? WTF.
" Hah, yeah.
I can't help but think that this is about me.
Ah, wha? You just wrote it like, a minute ago and a minute before that we were in the kitchen.
I did put a dish in the sink and you saw me.
Yeah.
Trust me, girl, not about you.
Okay.
Anyway, did I mention that I love your cardigan? Oh, uh.
Honestly, red is your colour, lady Lou.
Thank you, it's it's actually a blazer.
Ah, super nice.
Really like it.
Now your status reads, "My co-worker confronted me out of nowhere.
It's not all about you.
" Huh, right.
- Is it about me? - No.
No, it is not about you.
I love the cardigan though, honestly.
- Blazer.
- Did you say buzzer? Blazer.
My blazer aside, you were just writing this.
- We just finished speaking.
- Uh huh.
- Where I was confronting you.
- Uh huh.
And then you typed this and pressed Enter and then I looked and this is what it said.
I know it can feel that way sometimes on Facebook.
A lot of people are writing stuff and whatever but you are my bestie.
Do not worry, you do you, me do me.
We do we, all good.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Love the cardigan though.
Blazer, thank you.
Sure.
You just typed this.
I can't believe my co-worker's still nagging me about this, chill.
- No I didn't.
- Yes you did.
- No I didn't.
- What were you doing then? How 'bout everyone just like gets on Facebook for a bit - and just does their work? - Oh, really, 'cause now your status says, "My co-worker's cardigan that she says is a blazer looks like a bag of red ass.
" Stop fucking writing about me! - Okay.
- Okay? Yeah, no more.
No more typing.
- Cheryl, we just said - I promise I won't type any - You just promised.
- I'm not gonna do anything.
Stop it! Stop it! - Stop it! - Hey! Stop writing about me on Facebook! If you have something to say to me What, you want me to say it to your face? No! Just leave a passive aggressive note above the microwave like everybody else! Great blazer.
Thank you! Thank you.
It's my keyboard.
I need that for later.
I still have it on my phone though, so.
Listen.
I have said it before and I will say it again.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
Not a woman and a woman, not a man and a man.
Ugh, that is so gross, I cannot even say that out loud.
Keep going, sir.
Remember, stay on point.
Homosexuals should be reformed.
We cannot fall prey to their gay agenda.
Their "gaygenda", is that good? "Gaygenda", is that clever? I think so sir, it's pretty great.
- "Gaygenda".
- "Gaygenda".
Mr.
Senator, we have two members of the LGBTQ Community Outreach Program - here to see you.
- Ugh, I thought we cancelled that.
- No sir, we've had it booked for - Fine.
I just, I'm sorry sir.
Bring them in, Carole.
I'm sorry, sir.
This way please.
You can have five minutes with the Senator.
Thank you.
You can save your gay breath.
I will not be reversing my position on the "gaygenda".
He would never do that.
No, it's an interesting word.
You do not have to worry, Senator.
We are here to support you.
We're on your side, Ted.
What? Why? Being a violent homophobe is often the first step in a repressed man's realization that he's gay, so here is a pamphlet.
They brought pamphlets, sir.
I see that, Carole.
Okay.
Oh well.
Horsey sauce.
Why would I be trying to make gay marriage illegal if I were gay? Well maybe you're worried it would be too easy for you to get gay married if it were legal, you know? - I mean, another excellent - Shut up, Carole.
Point, sir.
Look, we understand why you need this law, Mr.
Senator.
Otherwise you'd be off in a drunken weekend in Las Vegas with Kevin over there - getting gay married accidentally.
- Hey! We don't talk about that trip! Shh! Stop it.
- That trip meant the world to me.
- It did? I never knew.
I meant every word that I said that night.
So did I sir, so did I.
Caesar's Palace.
Celine.
We went deep, Kevin.
Very deep, sir.
Mr.
Senator, I'm just gonna leave these pamphlets.
Thank you Carole, goodbye, Carole.
Apologies? Say gaygenda, sir.
- Gaygenda.
- Gaygenda.
Gaygenda.
Sir, your wife wants to know what you want for supper.
- Sausage! - Sausage.
Did you want me to keep you wife in the lobby, or? No, we're done.
- Can you grab me a diet coke? - Yes sir.
Sorry we're late, this is Donna, she's my co-worker, she's gonna join us today.
Thanks for having me.
Hope you know your shit, Donna.
Because we're gonna win the Kelsey's gift card tonight.
This table, bitches.
Put your fingers on the table if you wanna win.
- Wanna win.
- I've never done a trivia night before but I'm really gonna try my best.
Oh you never done a trivia night before? Heather, she's never done a trivia night before! She's super smart, I promise.
I'm gonna try really hard.
You guys ready for trivia night? Yeah.
Listen up, I will not be repeating the question.
I repeat, I will not be repeating the question.
You just repeated that you're not gonna repeat, dude.
Please, for the love of god, just listen.
Mmkay.
First question.
What was the title of the hit single from Canadian rock star Bryan Adams album Reckless that dealt with the nostalgia of a bygone era? - Summer of 6 - I've got it, I've got it.
I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
- Summer of '65.
- Oh.
Summer of '65.
Yeah that sounds right, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, write it down, - write it down.
- That sounds right, yeah okay.
- Summer of '65.
- Sorry, um, is it Sharon? I'm pretty sure it's actually it's '69, summer of '69.
Yeah no, it's like, definitely '65.
I literally love that song.
It's '65, write it down, lock it down, just put it in there.
It's '69.
It's no big deal but it's '69.
No, it's definitely '65, okay? I've been here at this table a little longer than you have, how does it go again? I buy my first real five string Six.
Bought it at the five and Dave I don't know what you said.
Played it till my fingers go red Until they bled.
It was the summer of '65 Yes, there it is, there it is.
And then on my mother's couch I knew that she was dressed in leather - Like a vampire in the night - What? I knew that I would suck your sweater That's not how it goes.
Ooh, this was the best day of my life Are you guys buying into this, really? It's '69, it's really, it's '69.
Honestly Donna, you gotta trust me on this one, girl.
I literally one hundy percent know that it's Summer of '65.
Write it down, Denise.
Okay.
It's '69.
Honestly, I was born in '65 Honestly Sharon, I know I just met you.
- It's Summer of '69.
- I know what a 65 is.
- Do you know what it is? - I know what it is! Do you know what it is? It's a 69! You know what a 69 is really? It's like reverse sex with someone's junk all in your face and your face is all in their junk and you're just going for it.
It's like It's multitasking sex.
It's efficient! It'll be wet but you'll cum really nice - My boyfriend and I call it 65.
- No you don't.
TGIF.
Oh tell me about it.
Yeah, you got any weekend plans? Oh yeah, for sure sure.
I have big, uh, plans to cancel my sister.
Tonight we're supposed to go to this like, annoying museum gala.
And then my boyfriend and I are planning on cancelling with his mom for dinner on Sunday night.
Nice! What about you? Oh, I'm supposed to go and see a play with some friends but I'm planning on getting cramps at the last minute.
- Oh, good idea.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh hey, are you going to Tina's party on Saturday? - Oh god, not a chance.
- Yeah, me either.
Already feeling a migraine coming on.
Okay, I will not see you there then.
Yeah right.
Weekend, woo! Woohoo! Not for this guy really, but - No.
- No.
Thanks.
Excuse me, you don't mind, do you? Not at all.
I'm here with my family and we just have an odd number.
Oh, yeah no, same with mine, they're up ahead.
- Okay.
- Sit yourself down, enjoy.
Um, these family outings.
You know, they can be a little bit boring but the kids, you know, they really They love it! They love it, it's good for them.
It's fun, you know.
And at least we get a break from being moms.
- Oh yeah.
- For like 10 minutes.
I snuck on my own little coffee - so I can enjoy it in peace.
- Look at you.
Look at you, here's to, here's to - Peaceful moments, yeah.
- It's so nice.
I have to say though, the kids love this but it's a little bit cheesy.
Oh yeah.
But I think any rational person wouldn't really believe Oh sweet Jesus Christ! Oh! Look at me, look at me, look at me.
- What's your name? - Diana! My name is goddamn Diana! Diana, I'm Marilyn.
Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, what is ha Look at me! Diana, I'm Marilyn.
You're fine, you, we're on a ride.
Am I fine? - You're fine.
- I'm on a AH! A witch.
It's a real witch! It's not a witch.
That's a real witch, it's gonna get you! - It's not a witch.
- It's gonna haunt us! It's fiberglass and shitty paint.
Okay, Diana, it's not real.
- This is a ride.
- Okay.
Remember you were just saying, this is a ride.
- This ride is not real.
- In a minute we're gonna get off.
This is just a warehouse with a track in it.
- You're okay.
- I'm okay.
- You're okay.
- Everything's gonna be okay.
Jesus Chriiiiiiissstttt! Oh my god.
Oh my god, what is that smell? Oh, it's shit, I shit my pants! I really did, I shit in my pants, Marilyn.
Oh my god, what were you eating? Mashed potatoes.
- Oh my god, I shit them.
- Oh god, it smells like something died! I had soup as well.
Oh god, I can taste it.
This isn't a joke! I know! What are we gonna do? Take your sweater off.
- I'm only wearing a shirt! - Wrap it around your waist! Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Okay, you're gonna have to get yourself back to that bathroom and wipe yourself off.
I am too scared Marilyn, I am not going back there! Get away from me.
You just need to go and clean yourself up - and figure it out! - No! - Yes! - I don't want to! - I am not your mother! - Oh my god! Get out! Get off! Ah, no, ugh! Help, anyone.
You just try to take two minutes to yourself.
Hi janitor, I'm so sorry, - I shit my pants.
- Ew.