Bizaardvark (2016) s03e07 Episode Script

1 Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! What's shakin'? Salt and pepper in the house.
I am so excited.
Our first Halloween in Malibu.
I'm surprised you didn't say Mali-boo! There it is.
No comments on the costume.
Willow was supposed to be the back of the unicorn.
But she's boycotting Halloween.
Because she thinks it's cruel to pumpkins.
What about pumped-kins? Jacked-o-lantern? Guys, c'mon, this is gold.
Ladies and gentlemen, your candy testers are here.
Hard candy, soft candy, sour candy? We do it all.
Just no apples.
Guys, we told you.
We're not giving you our candy.
You're not actually candy testers.
Oh, yeah? Then why'd we make these badges? I don't know.
Why did you make those badges? ALL: Trick or treat! Aw, you guys are so cute.
Here, have some candy.
Oh no.
We forgot to buy candy.
Uh, wait.
We have something even better than candy.
ALL: Yay! Scary stories.
ALL: Aww.
some.
Awesome! Stories are way better than candy.
I'm sorry.
This scary story is called Frankie-stein.
PAIGE: Our story begins in the scariest place of all, high school! And that's how sciencey stuff becomes more sciencey stuff.
The end? Wow, Coach Carlson's a really bad teacher.
Eh, it's really on us.
We signed up for a class called "Sciencey Stuff.
" (bell rings) Paula! Frannie! Come up here.
I think he means us.
You failed another test.
Sorry about the hot wing stains.
I used your quizzes as a coaster.
Because I'm a gentleman.
There is a science lab tomorrow.
If you don't pass it, you fail the class.
Oh man.
We can't fail the class.
What are we gonna do? I don't know.
But Paige did know.
She had a secret she had never told Frankie and probably never would I build people in the basement using dead bodies and brains! Oh, I know.
I don't judge.
So I'll turn you into a super smart scientist by swapping out your braaaaain! And then we'll both pass the class.
Thoughts? Wait.
You want to take my brain out? - Can we get ice cream after? - Sure.
I'm in.
Wow, you're really taking this mad scientist thing seriously.
Yeah, let's just say it's more than a hobby.
Get in the chair.
(lisping) Master Paige, I went to the brain store like you asked.
I got you this super smart scientist brain.
(normal voice) Sorry, forgot to take out my retainer.
Thanks B-Gor.
What happened to your back? Oh, when I was getting swole, I must've over-worked one of my shouldies.
So FRANKIE: As always, Bernie's lifting stories bored everyone.
So Paige hooked Frankie up to the brain Bernie brought.
Alright, Frankie, ready to be a super smart lab partner? Yep! Prepare yourself, Internet.
I'm 'bout to memba all my passwords Muahaha! She's alive! She's aliiiiiiive! Behold Frankie-stein! You know, 'cause she's smart like Einstein, but still Frankie.
(grunting) Why are you grunting? Why is she grunting? Uhhh B-Gor, what did you do? Okay, okay, the super smart scientist brain at the brain store wasn't on sale, so I bought a monster brain instead, and used the money left over to buy this super sweet remote control! - What does it control? - No clue.
(grunting) Great.
Now my best friend's a monster.
What am I supposed to do tomorrow in science class with this as my partner? I'm sorry, what? PAIGE: With the brain store closed for the night, Paige had no choice but to actually study for the lab and try to pass Frankie-stein off as her partner.
Okay, the solutions are mixed and the PH's are balanced.
This should work.
Please don't explode, please don't explode It worked! It didn't explode! Coach Carlson, grade us.
Okay, that seems right.
Looks like you two pass.
Yay! Wait.
Why's that kid green? Uhh she ate some bad eggs for breakfast.
Right, Frankie? (grunting) Hey.
That's not her normal grunt.
I see what's going on here.
Yeah, this is a classic "try to make your lab partner smart but accidentally turn her into a monster" scenario.
Whaaat? Nooo.
You in there, Frannie? (both grunting) (grunts) Well argued.
Alright, but I'll be watching you two like a hawk.
And if I see proof that she's a monster, you fail! PAIGE: Paige knew she had to pass Frankie-stein off as a regular student for the entire day.
See? Just two kids at their lockers.
(loud banging and grunting) (Paige laughing nervously) Frankie! Wow! Have you been working out? Oh thank you.
I would love for you to carry my books! Hmmmm, that is the way kids carry books these days PAIGE: Paige knew the girls had to shoot a Bizaardvark video to make it seem like everything was normal.
Hey guys! I'm Paige (grunting) Yes, you are Frankie.
And we're Bizaardvark! Hey Frankie, have you heard of that new dance everyone's talking about? (grunting) That's right, it is called "The Monster.
" Let's do it! (upbeat music playing) No.
Hey.
No, no, no.
Don't eat the camera.
No, that's No, no, no.
That's expensive.
Come on.
PAIGE: The video bought them some time, but Paige knew she had to turn Frankie back into her old self ASAP so they wouldn't fail the class.
B-Gor! We don't have much time! What's the hold up? I can't tell which of these is the brain and which is spaghetti.
(gagging and coughing) That's spaghetti.
Hey girls.
Just wanted to apologize for not believing your story, so I made you this "I'm Sorry" cake.
Hey! Is that one of them brain-swapping machines? Uh You can't fail us if there's no proof! B-Gor, hit the switch! On it! Ugh, you're the worst.
Out of my way! Nooo! Frankie? (grunting) Oh no.
She's still a monster.
No, it worked.
It's just my back, this chair is killing me.
She's Frankie again! She's Frankie agaaaiiiin! Wait.
Where's Coach Carlson? (Coach Carlson grunting) (Amelia screaming) Coach Carlson's a monster! Meh.
At least we passed the class.
Wait, if the monster brain is in Coach Carlson, and I have my brain back, where's Coach Carlson's brain? Guess I'm a cake now.
Eh, beats teaching.
Sweet, free cake! COACH CARLTON'S VOICE: Mmm, that was delicious.
Uh oh.
So? Pretty scary, right? Wait, weren't there more of you? A couple kids left.
Because the story was so good? And they want to tell all their friends? And Let it go, Paige.
It's time for "The Very Scary Hairy Story!" ZANE: It started as a quiet Malibu night What, what, what What's in my hair? I love my life.
Hey, Rodney.
Notice anything different? Uhhh new shirt? - Nope.
- New pants? Nope.
Move your giant scissor hands, I can't see the rest of you.
Wait new pants? Dude, I got scissorhands.
The doctor who did the operation says it'll make me an even better unboxer.
Cool.
Hey, I was thinking about getting a haircut.
Why don't you give me one with your new scissorhands? Sure! I don't see how that could go wrong.
By the way, where'd you go for the scissorhand operation? Oh, that crazy doctor who lives in the haunted castle down the street.
Oh sure, Dr.
Psychoman.
Was the operation expensive? No, I got a deal because the scissors were possessed by demon spirits.
Good for you.
Whoa I just got a weird feeling that we're being watched.
All right, you caught me.
I heard free haircuts are happening up in here.
I'll take a number three on the side and a bald spot cover-up on top.
(creatures making strange noises) What the heck are those? And if it means the haircut is still free, I'm probably fine with it.
(creatures making strange noises) (screaming) On the plus side, we don't have to sweep up.
Aww.
A cat! So cute.
That's a clump of Rodney's hair that came to life.
(creature making strange noises) (screaming) Aww.
When did we get a kitty? Oh, right.
(screaming) Don't worry, friends.
They lived by the scissors they'll die by the scissors! (creatures shrieking) What Zane didn't realize was that cutting the hair monsters only created more hair monsters.
And the next morning, things got a little hairy.
Oh, ha ha! Nice! 'Cause of all the hair.
Oh yeah, that works.
(creatures making strange noises) What's going on, Paige? I don't know! Why are we even in this story?! Time to make a hair smoothie.
Let's give this curl a whirl! Let's see.
Whipped.
Puree.
Oh, Hair Monsters! (shrieking) Anyone else want a piece of me? These things have cars now! That can't be good! What, what, what What's in my hair? What, what, what What's in my hair? Is that your ringtone? Yeah.
It's my Aunt Judy.
I forgot her birthday.
Ig-nore.
Wait! That music is doing something to the monsters! Give me your phone! What, what, what What's in my hair? What, what, what What's in my hair? The theme song to Rodney's channel put all the monsters in a trance.
It makes sense.
And soon the gang had a plan What, what, what What's in my hair? What, what, what What's in my hair? What, what, what What's in my hair? What, what, what What's in my hair? Ha! Wow, that ended much quicker and more anti-climactically than I expected.
(doorbell rings) (growling) Rodney, it's for you.
Oh no, all the hair monsters morphed into a giant hair monster.
Well, it's over now.
This is how we die.
Come on! What are the rules of these things? They go outside and turn into a bigger monster? And how did it ring the bell without any hands? RODNEY: As Amelia asked logic questions no one cared about, Rodney suddenly had a flashback to the day he was born My son.
If you're ever attacked by a giant hair monster, use this special hairspray.
Remember only hair can defeat hair.
Only hair can defeat hair.
Clear out everyone.
This is between me and that.
This is for you, Papa.
You did it Rodney! The monster's gone! I'm proud of you, son.
Also, call your Aunt Judy, it's her birthday.
Aw man! (wolf howling) So, what'd you guys think? Darn it.
Where'd the other kids go? They left somewhere between your dad telling you only hair can defeat hair and whatever the end of the story was.
Can I leave now? If you do, then you won't hear my story.
I'm good with that.
Well it's good that the children are gone, 'cause it's time for the scariest story of the night.
Uh, we're still here.
"The Foam Pit of Terror" It was a seemingly normal day at the Vuuugle House.
Paige and Frankie were being lazy on the couch BOTH: Hey! AMELIA: Zane and Rodney were being annoying in the kitchen BOTH: Hey! AMELIA: And Bernie was being cheap as usual Sweet.
I'm in this one.
No way! A quarter.
I'm rich.
What's happening? What's happening? (screaming) No! Hey, did you just hear Bernie scream in terror? Should we be concerned? I don't think so.
A terrified scream can mean practically anything.
BERNIE (echoing): Guys! I got sucked into the foam pit.
Now I'm trapped in another dimension! Help! Okay, we should probably get involved now.
But what are we supposed to do in a situation like this? Do you suffer from unexplained paranormal activity in your home, apartment, or giant beachside mansion? Hi, I'm Doctor Duckworth, Paranormal Expert.
And for a very reasonable price, I can solve all your supernatural problems.
Guaranteed.
Prices not actually reasonable.
Doctor may not be a doctor.
Also I'm at your door.
Hello.
Wow, she's good! You have no idea, girlfriend.
I'm five billion years old, but I don't look a day over three billion.
Now let's see what's going on with your friend.
Ooh cool, is this a crystal ball? Can you peer into it and see another dimension? Please, that was the crystal ball eight.
I upgraded to the ten.
No way, a whole world made of foam! I bet everything here tastes like Foam, everything tastes like foam.
It seems your friend is trapped in some sort of foam dimension.
Oh my gosh.
How could this have happened? That is a mystery we will never know the answer to.
Oh no wait, this house was built on top of an inter-dimensional portal.
That's how someone named Liam was able to buy it for eleven dollars.
He bought this place for eleven dollars?! Also every room is missing a wall.
Oh yeah.
Can anybody hear me? I'm kind of in trouble.
Hey! You've invaded our foam world.
You will be destroyed.
(Bernie screaming) Bernie's in trouble.
Can you help us? Does a haunted cow scream at a Kentucky moon? Uh, I don't Does anyone In order to save your friend, you'll need to go into the foam pit using inter-dimensional rope.
Great, do you have any? Does a Kentucky cow scream at a haunted moon? Uh I still don't I mean, from your tone I'm guessing yes? While Paige continued to slow down the story, Bernie found himself in some sort of foam gym.
(screaming) Ha, ha! There's nowhere to run, Person Made of Human Skin! Get him! BERNIE: Nooooo! AMELIA: In a world where everything weighed nothing, the boy who was nothing was finally something.
Yeah.
Okay, we need somebody to hold the rope.
I would do it but I just got this manicure 50,000 years ago.
Okay Rodney, you hold the rope.
The three of us will go in, find Bernie, then you'll pull us out of the foam dimension.
Something something rope, got it.
AMELIA: And so all four of them made their way into the foam world.
Wait.
What do you mean four? Hey, guys.
Rodney?! You were supposed to hold the rope! I am holding the rope! Ohhh.
I can't with these kids anymore.
What are we supposed to do now? We're trapped down here! And foam monsters are coming! BERNIE: Halt! Stand down! (regal music) Bernie? That's King Bernie to you.
Loyal subjects! These are my friends.
Bernie, you're the king of the foam? Yes.
And you can all live here, with me as your ruler, for all eternity.
Nah, we're good.
Yeah, hard pass.
Oh, hey.
Foam guy, is there any other way out of this dimension? Oh, yeah.
Sure.
You're gonna wanna take Foam Road for about five foams.
And then take a foam at the second foam.
But if you hit the foam you've gone too far.
We'll figure it out.
Farewell, old friends.
Can you believe that they wanted to save me? Haha! Me! The most powerful man in all of Foamlandia! Yeah.
And now you're so rich, you don't even need the quarter that's lodged inside that foam volcano.
There's a quarter in that volcano? (Bernie screaming) (groaning) No! It sent me back! I'm not a king anymore.
You know you could just jump back into the foam pit.
Oh yeah! Wait for it (Bernie screaming) Aw man! I think that was the best story of the night.
Yeah, you told it! Aw, thanks Frankie.
Well I guess it's gonna be a Halloween without candy.
ALL: Horse-Face Guy! Eh, he got the holiday wrong.
But candy's candy.
ALL: Happy Halloween-mas! From your friends at the Vuuugle House!