Derry Girls (2017) s03e07 Episode Script
The Agreement
Could this be the end?
Forever?
No going back?
Because if this could end
decades of violence, death and fear,
then surely any concession,
no matter how difficult,
is worth it.
This is the point SDLP leader John Hume and the Yes Campaign will push in these last crucial few days.
All right, Vicky? You're looking well.
And you turn 18 this week? So I believe.
Happy birthday.
And also with you.
Right.
So we just need a wee photograph.
N0 sweat.
Of what? You.
Fine.
And you're happy with this one? Very much so.
Great.
So you need to read this before the vote.
Is it any good? Well, I mean, as peace treaties go Because I've just finished The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Yeah, it's not as good as that.
Right.
There you go.
Use it wisely.
.
.
a last call to the people of Northern Ireland to make sure that they register Vote yes in the referendum! .
.
they register their vote, no.
No, to gunmen they've let out of prison, and bombers.
No, to any hope for peace, for how can you have peace when you release the gunmen and bombers onto the street? 10p mix, please.
That'll be 12 pence.
12 pence for a IOp mix? It's called inflation, dickhead.
Now get out! That's beautiful Our lives will never be the same again.
Goal! It's one nil! Ole, ole, ole, ole! Yeah! Yessss! Yes! I need to get past.
Some of the proposed reforms have proved extremely controversial, particularly the early release of paramilitary prisoners.
And now, with only days until the referendum takes place, voters across the country must get to grips with this booklet, a 30-page document laying out the Good Friday Agreement in simple terms Simple terms! Simple terms my arse.
I've read through thon introduction 30 bloody times.
I'm still none the wiser.
Wow.
Well, according to Shauna Sharkey, if you vote yes, you're allowed to swing both ways.
What's that now? Well, you can be Irish, you can be British, or you can be bi.
OK, I don't think "bi" is the correct term.
Says here you can hold both passports.
Two passports? That'd come in handy.
I'm forever losing mine.
I think I wouldn't mind being bi, you know.
Have you made any friends yet? A few.
Are they better than us? Too long a pause, Clare! Better how? Academically, absolutely! They're just very different.
Everything's different here.
And I get why Mammy wanted to move.
Derry just reminded her of Daddy too much.
But it's a lot to navigate, girls, you know, the language, the culture, the cuisine.
You moved to Strabane, Clare.
It's 20 minutes down the road on the bus.
If the traffic's good! Don't roll your eyes at me, Erin.
How the? I can sense it.
At least I'll be back for your 18th.
It's not my 18th, is it? It's Orla's 18th.
My 18th was three months ago, but our tight hole mas wouldn't pay for two parties, so instead they've just amalgamated them.
Is there a theme? Oh, yeah.
Totally.
Well, come on then, what is it? Literary greats.
Monkeys Mammy, she agreed to literary greats.
She signed off on it weeks ago.
Monkeys are class.
Stop it! You'll just have to compromise, girls.
Compromising is all the rage.
Sure everybody's at it.
Just find a middle ground, girls.
Like, you know literary monkeys.
Literary monkeys.
And what would that involve, exactly? Well, I don't know, Erin.
You work out the details.
I'm just an ideas woman.
Look, I'd be willing to settle for gorillas.
But they're just big monkeys, Orla! This is a disaster.
We haven't even got a band.
We wanted The Commitments.
The Commitments? Seriously?! The CommitmenT.
One of them has gone solo.
Which one? The one from Derry with the dark hair.
But we can't afford her, and even if we could, she's booked up until next year.
I'm not surprised.
She's some voice on her.
She's a walking instrument.
You put a bag over thon doll's head, you'd swear it was Tina Turner.
Well, at least the parish hall's sorted, I suppose.
Aye.
Aye.
Oh, God, aye, that's all sorted.
Aye.
Morning, everyone.
Ah, reading the old Agreement, I see.
I have to say, I found it awful slow, myself.
Double Dutch is what it is.
Jesus, Eammon, but you've some set of legs on you.
Do you think so, Sarah? Oh, aye.
Tell us this.
Do you exfoliate? Not as far as I'm aware.
Well, they're a gift, Eammon.
May God give you good of them.
Thank you.
Would you like a bowl of porridge, Eammon? I'm microwaving them.
I would surely.
Now, Gerry, I had a bit of bother with the bathroom door.
It was sticking there.
No worries, Eammon.
I'll see to it later.
Great stuff.
I'll just leave it here then.
Right, I'd better pop up and pull on me so.
What in the name? Don't start, Gerry.
When is he leaving? Have a bit of sympathy.
The fella's roof fell in.
I'm starting to think he might have had a hand in that.
He's our cousin! We can't just throw him out on the street.
Especially not since Mary killed his mother.
I did not kill his mother! I'm at the end of me rope! The man is a liability.
He's not that bad, love.
Gerry! I think you'd better come up and take a look at this.
Well?! Be right with you, Eammon! For years, we have been divided.
Inflicting pain on each other.
In the name of what? I am a Republican.
I am a Loyalist.
I am affronted.
Are the IRA famous for their swordsmanship? Hate.
Hate.
Fear.
Fear.
Pain.
Pain.
Death.
Death.
Is death an option? Stop! Please do This isn't the way.
We shouldn't be enemies.
We should be neighbours.
Friends.
Lovers.
Boke, boke, projectile boke.
Bleurgh! Let's put the past behind us, and let's choose hope.
Hope, hope, hope hope Thank you.
Food for thought, there.
The conflict here has led to so many terrible atrocities .
.
and now we must add your play to that list.
Just one message this morning, girls.
Quite an important one.
As Jenny's AWFUL PLAY just alluded to, a referendum is about to take place, the outcome of which could change the course of history.
To those of you who have already turned 18, I strongly urge you to exercise your right to vote.
It's your future.
Take it seriously.
On the other hand, and I cannot stress this enough, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in any of your other so-called rights.
I don't want to hear your thoughts on the workload, or the uniform, or the fact that you have to occasionally do my ironing.
Our Lady Immaculate is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship.
My house, my rules.
Is that understood? ALL: Yes, Sister Michael.
In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit Has anyone actually decided what way they're gonna vote for this referendum thing? Since when did you get all political? I'm not all political.
Not like Nelson Mandela.
I wish you were Nelson Mandela.
It's just Well, everyone keeps banging on about what a big deal it is.
Well, its timing couldn't be any worse.
Did they have to choose the week of our party? Talk about pulling focus.
I'm sorry, is the Good Friday Agreement stealing your thunder? A bit, yes.
You got the invites? Oh Literary greats and monkeys? We're being avant-garde.
Is that like a type of monkey? Yes.
No.
Tell me you haven't just invited girls from school.
There'd better be fellas at this thing, otherwise it's gonna be a total fucking festival of the fanny.
Hi, guys! So, I'm having a bit of a bash for my 18th on Saturday and I just wanted to invite you peeps along.
"Peeps"? Seriously, Jenny, you really don't do yourself any favours.
We're actually having a party on Saturday ourselves, so I think you spelt monkeys wrong.
Christ, Orla You might want to reconsider, Erin.
I'm sorry? I mean, I don't want to sound arrogant, but What's the bet she says something really fucking arrogant now? Your party's never gonna compete with my party.
And there we go.
Aren't you worried that nobody's gonna show up? Oh, yeah, Jenny, it's a huge concern.
Champagne on arrival Real champagne? Hors d'oeuvres Is that them wee tiny sandwich things? I think so.
Sure, they wouldn't fill a fucking hole in your tooth.
Magician, karaoke machine Pony rides! Caricature artist Oh, my God.
What? Riverdance! She's having Riverdance perform at her 18th birthday party? Whoa Why does everyone lose their shit over Riverdance? It's just Irish dancing, only they wave their arms about a bit.
Giftbags to the value of £20.
Seriously? A selection of Stop reading, James! Jesus Christ, this is practically the Oscars.
Our party doesn't stand a chance.
That's not true, Erin.
And you've something that Jenny Joyce doesn't have.
Integrity.
What? No.
Yeah, you don't have integrity, Erin.
Then what do I have? The Commitment.
What? So, I know her nephew, a bit, and it turns out he fancies the whole of me.
Story of my life.
And he said he can get her to play your party if I snog him for three minutes and 22 seconds.
That's really precise.
It's the length of Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai.
Great track.
Oh, the best.
Oh, my God, Michelle You would do that for me? That's just the kind of selfless girl I am.
Can I have a crisp? Fuck off! Christ, not this fecker again Sister! I used to be quite good at this.
I don't care.
Great.
What do you want? Well, there's going to be a bit of a shakeup at the diocese, and, well, the feeling was that I'd come and talk to you because, you know, erm .
.
we have a relationship.
We do not have a relationship.
Right.
So the Bishop wants you to know that he's absolutely thrilled with all the amazing work you've done here over the years.
I'm ecstatic.
But perhaps he thinks it's time for a different challenge.
What? Pastures new and all that.
He wants me to leave Our Lady Immaculate? He thinks it's time.
And, well, you know, it's it's the nature of the game.
I'm not playing a game.
When things get too familiar, too comfortable .
.
you know, it can distract us from the main focus.
Which is? God.
Right.
Andshe's worried about that herself, is she? Who? God.
She passed these concerns on to the Bishop personally? Look, this is always difficult, Sister, but can I be frank? Be whoever you want.
It's best, in my experience, to make peace with it, because ultimately .
.
it's out of your control.
Well? Mammy wants a bar of dark chocolate.
Here.
This isn't dark chocolate.
You tell your ma to eat it WITH THE FUCKING LIGHTS OUT! A'right, D Dog? OK, we need some balloons, streamers Inflatable bananas.
And two bottles of that ropey tequila that you keep under the counter.
It's dirt cheap cos it fell off the back of a lorry.
Jesus, take an ad out in the Derry Journal, why don't you? Don't go mad now.
I drank a quarter bottle of this on Saturday night, ended up having an argument with a fucking squirrel.
Squirrels are such arseholes.
Did you get glasses, Dennis? Yep.
They're very snazzy! They're not snazzy.
They are a bit snazzy.
Not snazzy, all right? They're just ordinary, normal, everyday fucking glasses.
Of course they are.
If you're Elton John.
You cheeky wee rat! If I was your Niall I'd be begging them to let me finish me stretch.
Nothing'd be worse than sharing a house with you.
Fuck off, Dennis.
And that's never actually gonna happen anyway, so.
They're saying it might.
Well, I'm not gonna get my hopes up.
OK, so I think I've got a handle on the basics.
Everyone sit down.
I'll have a look at it later, Joe.
Sit! Jesus, Sarah, but the wains will go berserk when they find out about this parish hall thing.
Let them.
I'm sick of the pair of them.
Why are we expected to organise everything anyway? We're not responsible for them.
We are responsible for them, Sarah.
We're their mothers.
Right, as far as I can make out, this thing has two main aims.
Firstly, to stop us all killing one another.
Fair enough.
And secondly, to allow us to govern ourselves from here, rather than England.
From Derry? I would say so.
Would it not be more likely to be Belfast? Belfast is the capital.
Aye, but that was an oversight, Gerry.
They get rid of the British Army.
What will happen to the barracks? There's no mention of the barracks.
It would make a great wee shopping centre.
We get a new police force.
Different uniforms as well, I hope.
I mean if they want Catholics to join, they're gonna have to find something that works with our complexion.
Er, the release of all paramilitary prisoners, both flavours.
Both flavours? Loyalist and Republican.
Of course.
This is what I don't understand.
What happens to the lads when they get out? I mean, what does an ex-paramilitary do? Gardening.
Gardening? Have you any better suggestions? Howdy, folks.
Are those shorts, Eammon? They are surely, Gerry.
Are they my shorts? That's right.
I had a hoke about in your drawers earlier.
Sarah said you wouldn't mind.
Did she now? He didn't have a pair of his own, Gerry, and legs like that should not be hidden away.
I'm sorry, but I feel very strongly about this.
God, but I am freezing.
I wonder why.
Well, Gerry, I didn't want to say anything, but you're a bit tight with the old heating, now.
Could all be doing with a bit of a blast.
Well, you heard the man.
Hm! Where do we want Emily Bronte? That's Jane Austen.
Really? We are running dangerously low on bamboo now, folks.
Are you doing like half monkey life, half literary greats? Or are you incorporating literary greats into the jungle? I have no fucking idea, Clare.
Well, that's not good enough! I mean, we could really be doing with some clarity here, people, because I'm starting to think you guys haven't thought this through.
Michelle? Michelle?! Is that your Uncle Colm? That's Samuel Beckett.
One boring bastard looks much like another, I suppose.
And there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.
Er, right What was the face all about? What face? Earlier, when Dennis was talking about Niall, you did a face.
I didn't do a face.
You did a face, Erin.
You did a face like this.
Iwould never do that face.
I couldn't do that face.
That face, it isn't even in my repertoire.
Oh, it's in your repertoire all right, Erin.
I've seen you whip it out over a dozen times, usually when you find something hard to believe.
What was hard to believe, Erin? It was just when you said that you didn't want to get your hopes up.
Yeah? You don't actually think he should get out, do you? He's me brother.
He killed someone.
I know that, Erin.
I'm not sure we should be talking about this.
Isn't this exactly what we should be talking about? I mean, we have to vote on it.
It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did.
I'm sure that poor man's family takes great comfort in that.
These things, they're not black and white, Erin.
Aren't they? Nothing about this place is! Well, I think the fact that you shouldn't kill people is pretty black and white.
Oh, awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward, oh, God, it's so awkward! Fuck off, Erin.
And what would you know, anyway? You're nothing but a spoilt, selfish, sheltered wee brat.
And for you information, Erin, I didn't agree to snog that fella so you would have a Commitment play at your pishy party, I agreed to snog him cos he's a massive ride.
James! Sorry.
You know, the cousin thing Oh, my God! Oh, my God So, how are things now? What's happening? It's really, really bad.
James? Hello? It's really, really bad James, I can't hear you.
I think there's a problem with the line.
There's not a problem with the line, Clare! I'm mumbling.
Why are you mumbling? Because Michelle's upstairs and I don't want her to hear me.
Who are you talking to, James? Oh, Christ.
Hi, Michelle! What's going on? Look, just leave it alone, OK? I am never, ever, ever speaking to that dickhead again.
Ever.
Well, that's a start.
I mean, not a great start.
Oh, hold on one second.
Hey, Clare.
Oh, hi! Yeah, I'm good, grand, thanks.
Never been better.
Michelle? Haven't even thought about Michelle.
It's sort of like, "Who's Michelle?" You know? I sort of think I've outgrown her and Listen, it was an argument.
It's a sensitive subject.
Things got heated.
It happens.
But you need to apologise.
You think I should apologise? Shit, no.
What did I do? I'm not apologising.
No, look, Erin's on the other line.
Oh, so she thinks I should apologise? Unbelievable.
What's happening, Clare? Just one second! Hello? Where'd you go? I was on the other line.
Talking to who? Michelle Do you want a Pop Tart, Erin? No, I'm good, thanks.
Clare? I'm in Strabane.
And your point is? Look, Erin, someone has to make the first move here.
You're telling me you don't want Michelle to come to your party? She doesn't want me to come to her party? How do I keep doing that?! Well, she can stick her party up her hole.
Shit, Clare! What are you gonna tell Erin? Well, I can't tell her Michelle thinks she should stick her party up her hole! Oh, does she now? JESUS CHRIST! Well, you can tell Michelle that I didn't want her there anyway.
Clare.
Yeah.
What's going on? I think peace negotiations have just broken down.
Michelle's not speaking to me, and now The Commitment's pulled out.
The Lack Of Commitment, that's what she should call herself.
That's not as catchy.
I don't care.
Her voice isn't even that good.
We don't need The Commitment and we don't need Michelle.
This party is gonna be amazing, with or without them.
What the hell? What is going on? Where are all the literary greats? What happened to my monkeys? We had to take them down.
They were scaring the wains.
Why are the wains here? Ach, splitting the booking just made sense, you know, price wise.
We are not sharing our 18th birthday party with the first communion do! I cannot believe this, Mammy! All I do is try my best, Erin Oh, come on.
This is how I'm treated Well, you're quite clearly pretending to cry now, so.
Everything I do, I do it for you! Is that right, Bryan Adams? And maybe you'll realise that Oh, don't even.
.
.
when I'm dead.
Seriously? Well, how'd they take it? Not great.
I had to whip out the old you'll be sorry when I'm dead card.
Happy days.
Time to get the band back together.
Purse check.
Lip gloss, check.
Hubba Bubba, check.
Ulster bus timetable Shit.
MAMMY! HAVE YOU SEEN THE ULSTER BUS TIMETABLE?! So did yous just make your first communion today, then? No, we dress like this every day.
Well, I was just trying to make conversation.
Did you enjoy the body of Christ? It was a bit dry.
Aye, that's why I put butter on it.
Yeah, you're really, really not supposed to do that, Orla.
How many pieces of communion do you think you'd need to swallow to eat a whole Jesus? Where the hell is Clare? Help me now, Daddy! You can vote yes, or, you can vote no.
Well, they are the only two options, Colm.
That's not strictly true, now, Gerry, for you can spoil your vote.
Right.
I knew a fella once, Tommy Duddy, he spoiled his vote.
Now this would have been back in, ach we're talking '88, '89.
Or was it '90? I don't care, Colm.
'90, at a push.
Now, when I say he spoiled his vote, what he actually did was eat the ballot paper.
What? Swallowed the thing whole, so he did.
People thought he was trying to make some sort of political statement, but that wasn't the case at all.
Tommy was just an awful man for the paper.
Couldn't get enough of the stuff.
I'll tell you, if you didn't keep your eye on him, he'd have got the very Yellow Pages down him.
Tommy Duddy, is it? Aye.
Took a bite out of my crossword once.
I must say now, Eammon, I hardly recognised you in your shorts.
I'm like a new man, Colm.
They do wonders for him, don't they? Thanks, Joe.
It's just nice to have something positive to focus on, after what happened with my roof, you know.
God, aye.
I'm sure that hit you hard.
Oh, it did, Colm.
Literally.
How are the repairs coming along, Eammon? Slowly but surely.
Slowly but surely, Gerry.
No word of when you'll be able to move back in? Not as yet, no, but as I said to the builders, I'm in no great rush.
Happy enough where I am.
Grand, so.
90, 100, 110, 120.
I'm sorry did you just make 120 quid? Aye.
Is that the going rate for a first communion these days? It's pretty standard, yeah.
Jesus! Why, how much did you make? 50? I wouldn't have got out of my bed for 50.
This is the worst night of my life.
Crap, isn't it? I'm out of here soon, thank God.
Heading to my cousin Jenny's 18th.
The Commitment's playing.
I beg your pardon? I don't feel comfortable, Michelle Loosen the bow tie.
Not physically! I feel uncomfortable about the whole situation.
Tough.
Hi, and welcome to Jenny Joyce's party.
Name, please? Michelle Mallon.
and James Maguire.
James Oh, I may have put him down as "Fanny Features".
Ah, there we are! Welcome.
Honestly Champagne? Attention, everyone.
Attention, please.
We've just discovered a black mark on the floor of the master en-suite.
It's a Sicilian marble, folks, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask everyone to remove their shoes.
So The Commitment isgonna be playing Jenny Joyce's party.
Interesting, Michelle, very interesting.
So, Daddy says if I do well in my A-levels, I can book Val-d'Isere.
Who's up for it? He said you could book what? Val-d'Isere.
You know, the ski resort? It is to die for.
Isn't it, Tomas? Oh, it's a wonderful spot.
Simply wonderful.
I adore skiing.
Really? Mmm.
Really? Yes.
Skiing, and Well, all the snowy sports, really.
In fact, Cool Runnings is probably one of my favourite films.
Right.
I haven't seen that one.
Me either.
Nor me, I'm afraid.
We have to leave.
Shh! They haven't seen Cool Runnings, Michelle.
I don't trust these people.
More champagne? Absolutely.
Welcome to Jenny Joyce's party.
Name, please? Erin.
Erin Quinn.
Oh.
Oh? You're not on the list.
So I can't come in? You're not actually serious.
Hello? Hello, hello, hello? Oh, so it's like that, is it? Shit! Sorry for the wait.
I just had to check with Jenny.
Welcome, and enjoy.
Thank you.
Sister Michael.
You may speak.
Hello, Bishop.
Tiny horse.
She's got a tiny horse Well, well, well Champagne? No! Thank you.
Sorry Is it real champagne? Yes.
Well, if you insist.
Hors d'oeuvre? Fine.
Christ, but these are nice! I mean, it's based on a true story! I mean, how have you never seen it, Thomas? How, Thomas? How? Hello, James! Well, isn't this nice? Erin.
Who's this? Your new friend? No, no, God, no.
Jenny just sent me up here to collect glasses, and then he started shouting at me about a Jamaican bobsleigh team, and it's totes freaking me out, to be honest.
And FYI, it's pronounced Tomas.
Jenny Joyce's party Well, this is quite the betrayal.
Why are you all covered in muck? I climbed over a wall.
You know there's a gate? How could you come here? How could you go along with it? I didn't want to, but I'm in a bit of a difficult position, Erin.
Well, I'm just glad Orla isn't here to witness this because it would completely break her heart.
All right, Erin? Orla! You ditched your own party.
It was crap.
It was crap.
Things have been pretty crap, generally.
I can't believe this.
All I did was All I did was try and speak the truth, and Sorry, who's this guy? Oh, he's the caricature artist.
Right.
Well, do you know what? I'm gonna go, and you can tell Michelle to enjoy the champagne, and the giftbags, and the little teeny-tiny bits of raw fish.
I'm sure she's having a great, great time here.
I really don't think she is, Erin.
You know I've never even visited Niall.
My ma won't let me.
She won't let any of us.
She won't even say his name any more.
He had a son.
The man.
He had a teenage son.
We found that out later.
I'm sorry, Michelle.
You weren't wrong.
I mean, you weren't right either.
There's no answer to any of this, is there? No I don't think there is, you know.
D'you wanna get out of here? Can we take that wee tiny horse? No? As far as sausage rolls go, well, I could take them or leave them, but that's not to say I don't appreciate the work that goes into them.
Look, Colm, no offence, but I listened to the prawn cocktail monologue.
I'm not getting into sausage rolls.
For there was a fella that lived on my street, and, well, he was a pastry chef.
He's dead now.
This was when he was alive.
I only came over for a bloody napkin.
I'm sorry, I can't actually believe that I'm about to say this, but can I speak to him on my own for a moment? Thank you, son.
Thank you.
Colm, I've been thinking about this business with Eammon's roof.
Desperate altogether.
Ach, sure there's nothing worse.
I remember one OK! We're going to play a game.
You can only speak if you're holding this.
Fair enough, Gerry.
Must get a bit lonely for you, rattling round that big house on your own.
I live in a two-bedroom terrace, Gerry.
Oh, sorry.
I live in a two-bedroom Two bedrooms is still one bedroom too many.
But what if Eammon came and stayed with you for a bit? I don't know, Gerry.
Why not? Sure, you'd be company for each other.
The thing is Now, how do I put this? I'm trying to find the right word.
What? You don't have the breadstick, Gerry.
Feck the breadstick.
What is it? Well, I find Eammon a bit .
.
boring, to be honest.
I see.
I'm glad Jenny's party was so cracker.
What? I mean, she had everything, a magician, firework display, karaoke machine, Riverdance, wee horse Yeah, OK, Orla.
And all it did was make me realise I'd still rather just be standing here on the walls with you guys.
Orla At last! Oh! All right, Mary Poppins? I've had a shocker, girls! Clare, what happened? I lost my timetable, the bus broke down, fan belt snapped.
All these old women were taking their tights off and handing them to the driver, and he was like, "This isn't a film, I'm not a mechanic.
" Then I finally get to the parish hall and I get cornered by your Uncle Colm.
Christ.
I managed to free myself, then some wain told me you went to Jenny Joyce's house, and when I got there, the weirdest thing happened Well, I'm looking for you lot when I bump into Jenny, who tells me Oh, no, they all left, I think.
It was probably a bit upsetting for Erin, realising the entire year chose my party instead of hers.
I did try and warn her.
And I thought to myself, wouldn't it be a pity if there was a blackout? Blackout?! So I said to Jenny, "Either the party's over, or we relocate it.
" Jesus, Clare, where the hell is this gaff? Oh, my God! Looks like your party's gonna be the biggest night of the year after all, girls! Clare, you little lesbian legend! Let's go, motherfuckerrr! What's with all the tiny brides? All right, love.
Did you get your head around this referendum thing yet? I did, aye.
And what do you think? Hm.
Oh, it doesn't matter what I think.
Sure, I'm an old man.
It's what you think that's important.
People died.
Innocent people died, Granda.
They were someone's mother, father, daughter, son.
Nothing can ever make that OK.
And the people who took those lives, they're just gonna walk free.
What if we do it, and it was all for nothing? What if we vote yes, and it doesn't even work? And what if it does? What if no-one else has to die? What if all this becomes a .
.
a ghost story you'll tell your wains one day? Hmm? A ghost story they'll hardly believe.
Oooh-wahey! You're all right, love.
Go away.
Oh You're taking the piss, now.
Sister, you missed the first communion.
I'm devastated.
Everything all right? The Bishop rang.
I see I decided to take your advice.
No point fighting it.
Right.
Then I had a whiskey and a word with myself.
I rang him back.
You rang him back? Told him I make a difference here.
The girls know that.
The parents know that.
I'm not ready to leave.
Try and force me to and there'll be an awful fuss, I said.
I'll make sure of it, I said.
And what did he say? Not much.
He didn't say much.
Slainte.
Well, the day has finally arrived.
Polling stations across the country will open shortly, and the Good Friday Agreement will be put to the people.
Sowe're all 18 now.
We're all officially adults.
So tell me, Erin, how does that make you feel? Good.
Very profound.
No, shut up.
No, it's good.
It's exciting.
Yeah? Yeah.
And maybe a wee bit scary too, you know.
There's a part of me that wishes everything could just stay the same.
That we could all just stay like this forever.
There's a part of me that doesn't really want to grow up.
I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
I'm not sure I'm ready for the world.
Crime is crime is crime.
It is not political, it is crime.
But things can't say the same, and they shouldn't.
I think a real and historic opportunity now exists to take the gun out of Irish politics forever.
No matter how scary it is, we have to move on, and we have to grow up, because things well, they might just change for the better.
So we have to be brave.
What happened on Bloody Sunday was both unjustified and unjustifiable.
On behalf of the Government, indeed, on behalf of our country, I am deeply sorry.
My name is Neil Young, brother of John, who was murdered on Bloody Sunday, and has now been vindicated as innocent! And if our dreams get broken along the way .
.
we have to make new ones from the pieces.
You should write that down.
Well, maybe I will someday.
Yes 71,12% A record-breaking turnout, an overwhelming majority.
The people of Northern Ireland have spoken.
The country has just taken its first step into the future.
Morning, ma'am.
Morning.
Sorry to disturb you, but we've discovered some old mail.
It was intercepted en route to The White House back in the '90s, then somehow lost its way, but This was addressed to you.
Thank you so much! Dear Chelsea, our names are Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle, and James, and we come from a place called Derry.
We understand you will soon be travelling here with your ma and da, and if they're anything like our parents, well, you'll be bored out of your tree.
We thought you might like to hang out with us.
We were also thinking it must be pretty difficult for a girl like yourself to meet boys.
Being the president's daughter would intimidate a lot of fellas, we imagine, so if you want to practice any moves on James, feel free.
He's all yours.
Anyway, let us know, and have a safe flight.
Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James.
PS, we think your hair is absolutely cracker.
This is the point SDLP leader John Hume and the Yes Campaign will push in these last crucial few days.
All right, Vicky? You're looking well.
And you turn 18 this week? So I believe.
Happy birthday.
And also with you.
Right.
So we just need a wee photograph.
N0 sweat.
Of what? You.
Fine.
And you're happy with this one? Very much so.
Great.
So you need to read this before the vote.
Is it any good? Well, I mean, as peace treaties go Because I've just finished The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Yeah, it's not as good as that.
Right.
There you go.
Use it wisely.
.
.
a last call to the people of Northern Ireland to make sure that they register Vote yes in the referendum! .
.
they register their vote, no.
No, to gunmen they've let out of prison, and bombers.
No, to any hope for peace, for how can you have peace when you release the gunmen and bombers onto the street? 10p mix, please.
That'll be 12 pence.
12 pence for a IOp mix? It's called inflation, dickhead.
Now get out! That's beautiful Our lives will never be the same again.
Goal! It's one nil! Ole, ole, ole, ole! Yeah! Yessss! Yes! I need to get past.
Some of the proposed reforms have proved extremely controversial, particularly the early release of paramilitary prisoners.
And now, with only days until the referendum takes place, voters across the country must get to grips with this booklet, a 30-page document laying out the Good Friday Agreement in simple terms Simple terms! Simple terms my arse.
I've read through thon introduction 30 bloody times.
I'm still none the wiser.
Wow.
Well, according to Shauna Sharkey, if you vote yes, you're allowed to swing both ways.
What's that now? Well, you can be Irish, you can be British, or you can be bi.
OK, I don't think "bi" is the correct term.
Says here you can hold both passports.
Two passports? That'd come in handy.
I'm forever losing mine.
I think I wouldn't mind being bi, you know.
Have you made any friends yet? A few.
Are they better than us? Too long a pause, Clare! Better how? Academically, absolutely! They're just very different.
Everything's different here.
And I get why Mammy wanted to move.
Derry just reminded her of Daddy too much.
But it's a lot to navigate, girls, you know, the language, the culture, the cuisine.
You moved to Strabane, Clare.
It's 20 minutes down the road on the bus.
If the traffic's good! Don't roll your eyes at me, Erin.
How the? I can sense it.
At least I'll be back for your 18th.
It's not my 18th, is it? It's Orla's 18th.
My 18th was three months ago, but our tight hole mas wouldn't pay for two parties, so instead they've just amalgamated them.
Is there a theme? Oh, yeah.
Totally.
Well, come on then, what is it? Literary greats.
Monkeys Mammy, she agreed to literary greats.
She signed off on it weeks ago.
Monkeys are class.
Stop it! You'll just have to compromise, girls.
Compromising is all the rage.
Sure everybody's at it.
Just find a middle ground, girls.
Like, you know literary monkeys.
Literary monkeys.
And what would that involve, exactly? Well, I don't know, Erin.
You work out the details.
I'm just an ideas woman.
Look, I'd be willing to settle for gorillas.
But they're just big monkeys, Orla! This is a disaster.
We haven't even got a band.
We wanted The Commitments.
The Commitments? Seriously?! The CommitmenT.
One of them has gone solo.
Which one? The one from Derry with the dark hair.
But we can't afford her, and even if we could, she's booked up until next year.
I'm not surprised.
She's some voice on her.
She's a walking instrument.
You put a bag over thon doll's head, you'd swear it was Tina Turner.
Well, at least the parish hall's sorted, I suppose.
Aye.
Aye.
Oh, God, aye, that's all sorted.
Aye.
Morning, everyone.
Ah, reading the old Agreement, I see.
I have to say, I found it awful slow, myself.
Double Dutch is what it is.
Jesus, Eammon, but you've some set of legs on you.
Do you think so, Sarah? Oh, aye.
Tell us this.
Do you exfoliate? Not as far as I'm aware.
Well, they're a gift, Eammon.
May God give you good of them.
Thank you.
Would you like a bowl of porridge, Eammon? I'm microwaving them.
I would surely.
Now, Gerry, I had a bit of bother with the bathroom door.
It was sticking there.
No worries, Eammon.
I'll see to it later.
Great stuff.
I'll just leave it here then.
Right, I'd better pop up and pull on me so.
What in the name? Don't start, Gerry.
When is he leaving? Have a bit of sympathy.
The fella's roof fell in.
I'm starting to think he might have had a hand in that.
He's our cousin! We can't just throw him out on the street.
Especially not since Mary killed his mother.
I did not kill his mother! I'm at the end of me rope! The man is a liability.
He's not that bad, love.
Gerry! I think you'd better come up and take a look at this.
Well?! Be right with you, Eammon! For years, we have been divided.
Inflicting pain on each other.
In the name of what? I am a Republican.
I am a Loyalist.
I am affronted.
Are the IRA famous for their swordsmanship? Hate.
Hate.
Fear.
Fear.
Pain.
Pain.
Death.
Death.
Is death an option? Stop! Please do This isn't the way.
We shouldn't be enemies.
We should be neighbours.
Friends.
Lovers.
Boke, boke, projectile boke.
Bleurgh! Let's put the past behind us, and let's choose hope.
Hope, hope, hope hope Thank you.
Food for thought, there.
The conflict here has led to so many terrible atrocities .
.
and now we must add your play to that list.
Just one message this morning, girls.
Quite an important one.
As Jenny's AWFUL PLAY just alluded to, a referendum is about to take place, the outcome of which could change the course of history.
To those of you who have already turned 18, I strongly urge you to exercise your right to vote.
It's your future.
Take it seriously.
On the other hand, and I cannot stress this enough, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in any of your other so-called rights.
I don't want to hear your thoughts on the workload, or the uniform, or the fact that you have to occasionally do my ironing.
Our Lady Immaculate is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship.
My house, my rules.
Is that understood? ALL: Yes, Sister Michael.
In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit Has anyone actually decided what way they're gonna vote for this referendum thing? Since when did you get all political? I'm not all political.
Not like Nelson Mandela.
I wish you were Nelson Mandela.
It's just Well, everyone keeps banging on about what a big deal it is.
Well, its timing couldn't be any worse.
Did they have to choose the week of our party? Talk about pulling focus.
I'm sorry, is the Good Friday Agreement stealing your thunder? A bit, yes.
You got the invites? Oh Literary greats and monkeys? We're being avant-garde.
Is that like a type of monkey? Yes.
No.
Tell me you haven't just invited girls from school.
There'd better be fellas at this thing, otherwise it's gonna be a total fucking festival of the fanny.
Hi, guys! So, I'm having a bit of a bash for my 18th on Saturday and I just wanted to invite you peeps along.
"Peeps"? Seriously, Jenny, you really don't do yourself any favours.
We're actually having a party on Saturday ourselves, so I think you spelt monkeys wrong.
Christ, Orla You might want to reconsider, Erin.
I'm sorry? I mean, I don't want to sound arrogant, but What's the bet she says something really fucking arrogant now? Your party's never gonna compete with my party.
And there we go.
Aren't you worried that nobody's gonna show up? Oh, yeah, Jenny, it's a huge concern.
Champagne on arrival Real champagne? Hors d'oeuvres Is that them wee tiny sandwich things? I think so.
Sure, they wouldn't fill a fucking hole in your tooth.
Magician, karaoke machine Pony rides! Caricature artist Oh, my God.
What? Riverdance! She's having Riverdance perform at her 18th birthday party? Whoa Why does everyone lose their shit over Riverdance? It's just Irish dancing, only they wave their arms about a bit.
Giftbags to the value of £20.
Seriously? A selection of Stop reading, James! Jesus Christ, this is practically the Oscars.
Our party doesn't stand a chance.
That's not true, Erin.
And you've something that Jenny Joyce doesn't have.
Integrity.
What? No.
Yeah, you don't have integrity, Erin.
Then what do I have? The Commitment.
What? So, I know her nephew, a bit, and it turns out he fancies the whole of me.
Story of my life.
And he said he can get her to play your party if I snog him for three minutes and 22 seconds.
That's really precise.
It's the length of Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai.
Great track.
Oh, the best.
Oh, my God, Michelle You would do that for me? That's just the kind of selfless girl I am.
Can I have a crisp? Fuck off! Christ, not this fecker again Sister! I used to be quite good at this.
I don't care.
Great.
What do you want? Well, there's going to be a bit of a shakeup at the diocese, and, well, the feeling was that I'd come and talk to you because, you know, erm .
.
we have a relationship.
We do not have a relationship.
Right.
So the Bishop wants you to know that he's absolutely thrilled with all the amazing work you've done here over the years.
I'm ecstatic.
But perhaps he thinks it's time for a different challenge.
What? Pastures new and all that.
He wants me to leave Our Lady Immaculate? He thinks it's time.
And, well, you know, it's it's the nature of the game.
I'm not playing a game.
When things get too familiar, too comfortable .
.
you know, it can distract us from the main focus.
Which is? God.
Right.
Andshe's worried about that herself, is she? Who? God.
She passed these concerns on to the Bishop personally? Look, this is always difficult, Sister, but can I be frank? Be whoever you want.
It's best, in my experience, to make peace with it, because ultimately .
.
it's out of your control.
Well? Mammy wants a bar of dark chocolate.
Here.
This isn't dark chocolate.
You tell your ma to eat it WITH THE FUCKING LIGHTS OUT! A'right, D Dog? OK, we need some balloons, streamers Inflatable bananas.
And two bottles of that ropey tequila that you keep under the counter.
It's dirt cheap cos it fell off the back of a lorry.
Jesus, take an ad out in the Derry Journal, why don't you? Don't go mad now.
I drank a quarter bottle of this on Saturday night, ended up having an argument with a fucking squirrel.
Squirrels are such arseholes.
Did you get glasses, Dennis? Yep.
They're very snazzy! They're not snazzy.
They are a bit snazzy.
Not snazzy, all right? They're just ordinary, normal, everyday fucking glasses.
Of course they are.
If you're Elton John.
You cheeky wee rat! If I was your Niall I'd be begging them to let me finish me stretch.
Nothing'd be worse than sharing a house with you.
Fuck off, Dennis.
And that's never actually gonna happen anyway, so.
They're saying it might.
Well, I'm not gonna get my hopes up.
OK, so I think I've got a handle on the basics.
Everyone sit down.
I'll have a look at it later, Joe.
Sit! Jesus, Sarah, but the wains will go berserk when they find out about this parish hall thing.
Let them.
I'm sick of the pair of them.
Why are we expected to organise everything anyway? We're not responsible for them.
We are responsible for them, Sarah.
We're their mothers.
Right, as far as I can make out, this thing has two main aims.
Firstly, to stop us all killing one another.
Fair enough.
And secondly, to allow us to govern ourselves from here, rather than England.
From Derry? I would say so.
Would it not be more likely to be Belfast? Belfast is the capital.
Aye, but that was an oversight, Gerry.
They get rid of the British Army.
What will happen to the barracks? There's no mention of the barracks.
It would make a great wee shopping centre.
We get a new police force.
Different uniforms as well, I hope.
I mean if they want Catholics to join, they're gonna have to find something that works with our complexion.
Er, the release of all paramilitary prisoners, both flavours.
Both flavours? Loyalist and Republican.
Of course.
This is what I don't understand.
What happens to the lads when they get out? I mean, what does an ex-paramilitary do? Gardening.
Gardening? Have you any better suggestions? Howdy, folks.
Are those shorts, Eammon? They are surely, Gerry.
Are they my shorts? That's right.
I had a hoke about in your drawers earlier.
Sarah said you wouldn't mind.
Did she now? He didn't have a pair of his own, Gerry, and legs like that should not be hidden away.
I'm sorry, but I feel very strongly about this.
God, but I am freezing.
I wonder why.
Well, Gerry, I didn't want to say anything, but you're a bit tight with the old heating, now.
Could all be doing with a bit of a blast.
Well, you heard the man.
Hm! Where do we want Emily Bronte? That's Jane Austen.
Really? We are running dangerously low on bamboo now, folks.
Are you doing like half monkey life, half literary greats? Or are you incorporating literary greats into the jungle? I have no fucking idea, Clare.
Well, that's not good enough! I mean, we could really be doing with some clarity here, people, because I'm starting to think you guys haven't thought this through.
Michelle? Michelle?! Is that your Uncle Colm? That's Samuel Beckett.
One boring bastard looks much like another, I suppose.
And there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.
Er, right What was the face all about? What face? Earlier, when Dennis was talking about Niall, you did a face.
I didn't do a face.
You did a face, Erin.
You did a face like this.
Iwould never do that face.
I couldn't do that face.
That face, it isn't even in my repertoire.
Oh, it's in your repertoire all right, Erin.
I've seen you whip it out over a dozen times, usually when you find something hard to believe.
What was hard to believe, Erin? It was just when you said that you didn't want to get your hopes up.
Yeah? You don't actually think he should get out, do you? He's me brother.
He killed someone.
I know that, Erin.
I'm not sure we should be talking about this.
Isn't this exactly what we should be talking about? I mean, we have to vote on it.
It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did.
I'm sure that poor man's family takes great comfort in that.
These things, they're not black and white, Erin.
Aren't they? Nothing about this place is! Well, I think the fact that you shouldn't kill people is pretty black and white.
Oh, awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward, oh, God, it's so awkward! Fuck off, Erin.
And what would you know, anyway? You're nothing but a spoilt, selfish, sheltered wee brat.
And for you information, Erin, I didn't agree to snog that fella so you would have a Commitment play at your pishy party, I agreed to snog him cos he's a massive ride.
James! Sorry.
You know, the cousin thing Oh, my God! Oh, my God So, how are things now? What's happening? It's really, really bad.
James? Hello? It's really, really bad James, I can't hear you.
I think there's a problem with the line.
There's not a problem with the line, Clare! I'm mumbling.
Why are you mumbling? Because Michelle's upstairs and I don't want her to hear me.
Who are you talking to, James? Oh, Christ.
Hi, Michelle! What's going on? Look, just leave it alone, OK? I am never, ever, ever speaking to that dickhead again.
Ever.
Well, that's a start.
I mean, not a great start.
Oh, hold on one second.
Hey, Clare.
Oh, hi! Yeah, I'm good, grand, thanks.
Never been better.
Michelle? Haven't even thought about Michelle.
It's sort of like, "Who's Michelle?" You know? I sort of think I've outgrown her and Listen, it was an argument.
It's a sensitive subject.
Things got heated.
It happens.
But you need to apologise.
You think I should apologise? Shit, no.
What did I do? I'm not apologising.
No, look, Erin's on the other line.
Oh, so she thinks I should apologise? Unbelievable.
What's happening, Clare? Just one second! Hello? Where'd you go? I was on the other line.
Talking to who? Michelle Do you want a Pop Tart, Erin? No, I'm good, thanks.
Clare? I'm in Strabane.
And your point is? Look, Erin, someone has to make the first move here.
You're telling me you don't want Michelle to come to your party? She doesn't want me to come to her party? How do I keep doing that?! Well, she can stick her party up her hole.
Shit, Clare! What are you gonna tell Erin? Well, I can't tell her Michelle thinks she should stick her party up her hole! Oh, does she now? JESUS CHRIST! Well, you can tell Michelle that I didn't want her there anyway.
Clare.
Yeah.
What's going on? I think peace negotiations have just broken down.
Michelle's not speaking to me, and now The Commitment's pulled out.
The Lack Of Commitment, that's what she should call herself.
That's not as catchy.
I don't care.
Her voice isn't even that good.
We don't need The Commitment and we don't need Michelle.
This party is gonna be amazing, with or without them.
What the hell? What is going on? Where are all the literary greats? What happened to my monkeys? We had to take them down.
They were scaring the wains.
Why are the wains here? Ach, splitting the booking just made sense, you know, price wise.
We are not sharing our 18th birthday party with the first communion do! I cannot believe this, Mammy! All I do is try my best, Erin Oh, come on.
This is how I'm treated Well, you're quite clearly pretending to cry now, so.
Everything I do, I do it for you! Is that right, Bryan Adams? And maybe you'll realise that Oh, don't even.
.
.
when I'm dead.
Seriously? Well, how'd they take it? Not great.
I had to whip out the old you'll be sorry when I'm dead card.
Happy days.
Time to get the band back together.
Purse check.
Lip gloss, check.
Hubba Bubba, check.
Ulster bus timetable Shit.
MAMMY! HAVE YOU SEEN THE ULSTER BUS TIMETABLE?! So did yous just make your first communion today, then? No, we dress like this every day.
Well, I was just trying to make conversation.
Did you enjoy the body of Christ? It was a bit dry.
Aye, that's why I put butter on it.
Yeah, you're really, really not supposed to do that, Orla.
How many pieces of communion do you think you'd need to swallow to eat a whole Jesus? Where the hell is Clare? Help me now, Daddy! You can vote yes, or, you can vote no.
Well, they are the only two options, Colm.
That's not strictly true, now, Gerry, for you can spoil your vote.
Right.
I knew a fella once, Tommy Duddy, he spoiled his vote.
Now this would have been back in, ach we're talking '88, '89.
Or was it '90? I don't care, Colm.
'90, at a push.
Now, when I say he spoiled his vote, what he actually did was eat the ballot paper.
What? Swallowed the thing whole, so he did.
People thought he was trying to make some sort of political statement, but that wasn't the case at all.
Tommy was just an awful man for the paper.
Couldn't get enough of the stuff.
I'll tell you, if you didn't keep your eye on him, he'd have got the very Yellow Pages down him.
Tommy Duddy, is it? Aye.
Took a bite out of my crossword once.
I must say now, Eammon, I hardly recognised you in your shorts.
I'm like a new man, Colm.
They do wonders for him, don't they? Thanks, Joe.
It's just nice to have something positive to focus on, after what happened with my roof, you know.
God, aye.
I'm sure that hit you hard.
Oh, it did, Colm.
Literally.
How are the repairs coming along, Eammon? Slowly but surely.
Slowly but surely, Gerry.
No word of when you'll be able to move back in? Not as yet, no, but as I said to the builders, I'm in no great rush.
Happy enough where I am.
Grand, so.
90, 100, 110, 120.
I'm sorry did you just make 120 quid? Aye.
Is that the going rate for a first communion these days? It's pretty standard, yeah.
Jesus! Why, how much did you make? 50? I wouldn't have got out of my bed for 50.
This is the worst night of my life.
Crap, isn't it? I'm out of here soon, thank God.
Heading to my cousin Jenny's 18th.
The Commitment's playing.
I beg your pardon? I don't feel comfortable, Michelle Loosen the bow tie.
Not physically! I feel uncomfortable about the whole situation.
Tough.
Hi, and welcome to Jenny Joyce's party.
Name, please? Michelle Mallon.
and James Maguire.
James Oh, I may have put him down as "Fanny Features".
Ah, there we are! Welcome.
Honestly Champagne? Attention, everyone.
Attention, please.
We've just discovered a black mark on the floor of the master en-suite.
It's a Sicilian marble, folks, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask everyone to remove their shoes.
So The Commitment isgonna be playing Jenny Joyce's party.
Interesting, Michelle, very interesting.
So, Daddy says if I do well in my A-levels, I can book Val-d'Isere.
Who's up for it? He said you could book what? Val-d'Isere.
You know, the ski resort? It is to die for.
Isn't it, Tomas? Oh, it's a wonderful spot.
Simply wonderful.
I adore skiing.
Really? Mmm.
Really? Yes.
Skiing, and Well, all the snowy sports, really.
In fact, Cool Runnings is probably one of my favourite films.
Right.
I haven't seen that one.
Me either.
Nor me, I'm afraid.
We have to leave.
Shh! They haven't seen Cool Runnings, Michelle.
I don't trust these people.
More champagne? Absolutely.
Welcome to Jenny Joyce's party.
Name, please? Erin.
Erin Quinn.
Oh.
Oh? You're not on the list.
So I can't come in? You're not actually serious.
Hello? Hello, hello, hello? Oh, so it's like that, is it? Shit! Sorry for the wait.
I just had to check with Jenny.
Welcome, and enjoy.
Thank you.
Sister Michael.
You may speak.
Hello, Bishop.
Tiny horse.
She's got a tiny horse Well, well, well Champagne? No! Thank you.
Sorry Is it real champagne? Yes.
Well, if you insist.
Hors d'oeuvre? Fine.
Christ, but these are nice! I mean, it's based on a true story! I mean, how have you never seen it, Thomas? How, Thomas? How? Hello, James! Well, isn't this nice? Erin.
Who's this? Your new friend? No, no, God, no.
Jenny just sent me up here to collect glasses, and then he started shouting at me about a Jamaican bobsleigh team, and it's totes freaking me out, to be honest.
And FYI, it's pronounced Tomas.
Jenny Joyce's party Well, this is quite the betrayal.
Why are you all covered in muck? I climbed over a wall.
You know there's a gate? How could you come here? How could you go along with it? I didn't want to, but I'm in a bit of a difficult position, Erin.
Well, I'm just glad Orla isn't here to witness this because it would completely break her heart.
All right, Erin? Orla! You ditched your own party.
It was crap.
It was crap.
Things have been pretty crap, generally.
I can't believe this.
All I did was All I did was try and speak the truth, and Sorry, who's this guy? Oh, he's the caricature artist.
Right.
Well, do you know what? I'm gonna go, and you can tell Michelle to enjoy the champagne, and the giftbags, and the little teeny-tiny bits of raw fish.
I'm sure she's having a great, great time here.
I really don't think she is, Erin.
You know I've never even visited Niall.
My ma won't let me.
She won't let any of us.
She won't even say his name any more.
He had a son.
The man.
He had a teenage son.
We found that out later.
I'm sorry, Michelle.
You weren't wrong.
I mean, you weren't right either.
There's no answer to any of this, is there? No I don't think there is, you know.
D'you wanna get out of here? Can we take that wee tiny horse? No? As far as sausage rolls go, well, I could take them or leave them, but that's not to say I don't appreciate the work that goes into them.
Look, Colm, no offence, but I listened to the prawn cocktail monologue.
I'm not getting into sausage rolls.
For there was a fella that lived on my street, and, well, he was a pastry chef.
He's dead now.
This was when he was alive.
I only came over for a bloody napkin.
I'm sorry, I can't actually believe that I'm about to say this, but can I speak to him on my own for a moment? Thank you, son.
Thank you.
Colm, I've been thinking about this business with Eammon's roof.
Desperate altogether.
Ach, sure there's nothing worse.
I remember one OK! We're going to play a game.
You can only speak if you're holding this.
Fair enough, Gerry.
Must get a bit lonely for you, rattling round that big house on your own.
I live in a two-bedroom terrace, Gerry.
Oh, sorry.
I live in a two-bedroom Two bedrooms is still one bedroom too many.
But what if Eammon came and stayed with you for a bit? I don't know, Gerry.
Why not? Sure, you'd be company for each other.
The thing is Now, how do I put this? I'm trying to find the right word.
What? You don't have the breadstick, Gerry.
Feck the breadstick.
What is it? Well, I find Eammon a bit .
.
boring, to be honest.
I see.
I'm glad Jenny's party was so cracker.
What? I mean, she had everything, a magician, firework display, karaoke machine, Riverdance, wee horse Yeah, OK, Orla.
And all it did was make me realise I'd still rather just be standing here on the walls with you guys.
Orla At last! Oh! All right, Mary Poppins? I've had a shocker, girls! Clare, what happened? I lost my timetable, the bus broke down, fan belt snapped.
All these old women were taking their tights off and handing them to the driver, and he was like, "This isn't a film, I'm not a mechanic.
" Then I finally get to the parish hall and I get cornered by your Uncle Colm.
Christ.
I managed to free myself, then some wain told me you went to Jenny Joyce's house, and when I got there, the weirdest thing happened Well, I'm looking for you lot when I bump into Jenny, who tells me Oh, no, they all left, I think.
It was probably a bit upsetting for Erin, realising the entire year chose my party instead of hers.
I did try and warn her.
And I thought to myself, wouldn't it be a pity if there was a blackout? Blackout?! So I said to Jenny, "Either the party's over, or we relocate it.
" Jesus, Clare, where the hell is this gaff? Oh, my God! Looks like your party's gonna be the biggest night of the year after all, girls! Clare, you little lesbian legend! Let's go, motherfuckerrr! What's with all the tiny brides? All right, love.
Did you get your head around this referendum thing yet? I did, aye.
And what do you think? Hm.
Oh, it doesn't matter what I think.
Sure, I'm an old man.
It's what you think that's important.
People died.
Innocent people died, Granda.
They were someone's mother, father, daughter, son.
Nothing can ever make that OK.
And the people who took those lives, they're just gonna walk free.
What if we do it, and it was all for nothing? What if we vote yes, and it doesn't even work? And what if it does? What if no-one else has to die? What if all this becomes a .
.
a ghost story you'll tell your wains one day? Hmm? A ghost story they'll hardly believe.
Oooh-wahey! You're all right, love.
Go away.
Oh You're taking the piss, now.
Sister, you missed the first communion.
I'm devastated.
Everything all right? The Bishop rang.
I see I decided to take your advice.
No point fighting it.
Right.
Then I had a whiskey and a word with myself.
I rang him back.
You rang him back? Told him I make a difference here.
The girls know that.
The parents know that.
I'm not ready to leave.
Try and force me to and there'll be an awful fuss, I said.
I'll make sure of it, I said.
And what did he say? Not much.
He didn't say much.
Slainte.
Well, the day has finally arrived.
Polling stations across the country will open shortly, and the Good Friday Agreement will be put to the people.
Sowe're all 18 now.
We're all officially adults.
So tell me, Erin, how does that make you feel? Good.
Very profound.
No, shut up.
No, it's good.
It's exciting.
Yeah? Yeah.
And maybe a wee bit scary too, you know.
There's a part of me that wishes everything could just stay the same.
That we could all just stay like this forever.
There's a part of me that doesn't really want to grow up.
I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
I'm not sure I'm ready for the world.
Crime is crime is crime.
It is not political, it is crime.
But things can't say the same, and they shouldn't.
I think a real and historic opportunity now exists to take the gun out of Irish politics forever.
No matter how scary it is, we have to move on, and we have to grow up, because things well, they might just change for the better.
So we have to be brave.
What happened on Bloody Sunday was both unjustified and unjustifiable.
On behalf of the Government, indeed, on behalf of our country, I am deeply sorry.
My name is Neil Young, brother of John, who was murdered on Bloody Sunday, and has now been vindicated as innocent! And if our dreams get broken along the way .
.
we have to make new ones from the pieces.
You should write that down.
Well, maybe I will someday.
Yes 71,12% A record-breaking turnout, an overwhelming majority.
The people of Northern Ireland have spoken.
The country has just taken its first step into the future.
Morning, ma'am.
Morning.
Sorry to disturb you, but we've discovered some old mail.
It was intercepted en route to The White House back in the '90s, then somehow lost its way, but This was addressed to you.
Thank you so much! Dear Chelsea, our names are Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle, and James, and we come from a place called Derry.
We understand you will soon be travelling here with your ma and da, and if they're anything like our parents, well, you'll be bored out of your tree.
We thought you might like to hang out with us.
We were also thinking it must be pretty difficult for a girl like yourself to meet boys.
Being the president's daughter would intimidate a lot of fellas, we imagine, so if you want to practice any moves on James, feel free.
He's all yours.
Anyway, let us know, and have a safe flight.
Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James.
PS, we think your hair is absolutely cracker.