Futurama s03e07 Episode Script
3ACV07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
The Day the Earth Stood Stupid - Is Nibbler stoked for the show?|- He ought to be, with all the training.
Nibbler, roll over and you get a ham.
|Roll over.
Roll over for the ham.
You are so adorable.
Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500|and a year's supply of dog food! - Five hundred dollars, you say?|- Dog food, you say? That dog's gonna be hard to beat.
|Look at him.
One sheep, two sheep three sheep.
But our real competition|is the Hypno-Toad.
Your turn, Nibbler.
|Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! I have a late entry.
My hard-shelled|whooping terrier, Mr.
Zoidberg.
Faster! Faster! Ow.
Suck in that gut!|You wanna be spayed? Silence, you cur!|Puff out that brisket! I should be weeping! I'm not weeping! I love these things.
Shake paws, Nibbler.
Come on, shake.
He might be a little hungry.
Usually,|he's had more ham by now.
Shake! Third prize, a party-sized keg|of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel|and his owner, Fluffers.
Second prize, this lovely afghan,|made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for|losing! You didn't stick your landing! - Forgive me, my friend.
|- Never! And before we announce the winner,|we have a special award for Ms.
Leela and her|mystery pet, Nibbler! Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's the eloquence you'd|expect from the owner of Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand prize winner: The Hypno-Toad! All glory to the Hypno-Toad! Ah, maybe they're right.
|Maybe Nibbler is dumb.
Don't listen to them.
People said|I was dumb, but I proved them.
Good news.
We were supposed to make|a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12.
But it's been completely destroyed.
- Why is that good news?|- They paid in advance.
- Excuse me.
|- This is mighty strange.
First, Space Rome collapsed.
Then, Don Martin 3 went caflooie.
|And now Tweenis 12.
- This planet is next.
|- That's Earth.
- The planet we live on?|- I'd hate to be those guys.
What's got into him? He's twitching|like Zoidberg when you say "food.
" What, now? No! Nibbler, come back! Too bad Nibbler's not around.
|I'll have to eat this raw ham myself.
Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.
Nibbler?! Am I going crazy? Have my years of hedonism|caught up with me? Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here! Nibbler? Could you scooch|the seat up, just a little bit? - Leela back yet?|- Help me! My heart stopped! - You don't have one.
You're a robot.
|- Sure.
Right.
Robot.
Oh, Fry! My skin's all dry and clanky.
- Well, yeah.
Robots are made of metal.
|- Am I a robot? I don't get this scam.
|You already have my power of attorney.
Fry! My skin! Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
I'm a genius! Why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon!|Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Oh, I just let you back in! Unbelievable! I thought you were|a furry little moron.
But here you are flying an adorable|spaceship! If only you could talk.
Wait! I understood that! You're transmitting your thoughts|directly to my brain? You say those awful flying brains|are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh, stupider.
And you say we're headed|for your home planet where you've lived since|the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence? So every religion is wrong.
You fell! Hi! Some bad things happened.
|One bad thing Was a train got crashed.
Wanna see? People Won't be late, though.
|The governor said: "I'm sending in more trains.
" Go!|Wait for me! Morbo can't understand|his Teleprompter.
HoW do you say the letter that|looks like a man With a hat? It's a T.
It goes: tuh.
Hello, little man.
I Will destroy you! Even the news monster|is acting strange.
What to do? I know! Let's play the lottery! Let's buy Internet stock! On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy|on margin! Look at me! I'm invisible! I know what's going on!|You've all become idiots! - Hey! Let's all join the Reform Party!|- Oh, yeah! Welcome back, ambassador to Earth,|homeworld of the pizza bagel.
I bear many receipts|for reimbursement.
The four welcomes to you as well, Leela.
We shall appear to be|speaking your language.
- Do not be afraid, child.
|- I'm not afraid.
Uh, good.
Good.
So, your real name is Lord Nibbler? It is for your sake.
By the time you pronounce|one letter of my name a trillion cosmoses would sink|into eternal night.
Oh, you're all so cute.
No, we are an ancient, powerful race.
Behold.
When the universe|was forged in the big bang our mighty race was|already 17 years old.
- Aw.
|- Mm.
For the first|millisecond, things were okay.
But there arose a terrible enemy,|the Brain Spawn.
Ever since, we have waged|unceasing war against these dreadful- Lunch is ready.
Then let the feast of 1000 hams begin! Why are these Brain Spawn|attacking Earth? They hate all consciousness.
Thoughts screech at them like|the forced laughs of movie patrons.
Thus, they travel making everyone stupid in order|to wipe out all thought.
Wipe out thought? My God!|They're flying televisions! And even we are powerless|to stop them, fearsome though we are.
There is one being|who can resist.
A child of destiny whose bizarre brain|waves make him immune to their attack.
He is the hope of the universe.
The fate of your world, perhaps all|worlds, rests in his special mind.
Now, when you say "special" Attention New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid! Fleet holding at perimeter|of Moron Zone, formerly knoWn as Earth.
Why would Fry be immune?|Because he doesn't shower? They suppress intelligence|by attacking delta brain waves.
Every animal and robot generates|this wave, as do certain trees.
Fry, however, does not.
Somehow, he has cobbled random|brain waves into a working mind.
- Like a carpet-remnant prom dress.
|- Like your prom dress.
The Brain Spawn are commanded by a|brain with a gooey center of pure hate.
Only Fry, with his superior,|yet inferior mind, can approach it.
Tell him to disable it.
|We will do the rest.
- You can count on me.
|- No.
- On Earth, you will be too stupid.
|- That's why we wrote it down for you.
We also prepared|a bag lunch and mittens.
Time to reeducate you dunces.
|We'll start with presidents.
This was our first president,|George Washington.
Let's review.
|Who was our first president? Um - A pickle jar?|- Thomas Jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried!|Are you a bonehead? I have to tell must important something You're going a mile a minute.
This you for this! Thanks! No! - Ow.
Fire hot!|- The professie will help.
Fire indeed hot.
Oh, Chester A.
Arthur fall down.
Brain.
Brain make people dumb.
No, Leela.
Brain make people smart.
- You go fight biggest brain.
|- Even bigger than those? - Where is it?|- I don't know.
A giant brain is|basically a giant nerd.
And where would a giant nerd be? The library! Pathetic human race.
Arranging knowledge by category|made it easier to absorb.
Dewey, you fool, your decimal system|has played right into my hands.
- What do you want?|- I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.
We have long since|evolved beyond the need for asses.
Odd.
My stupefaction field|is having no effect on you.
That's right! You'll find a little|knowledge is a dangerous thing! Better think of a new plan.
|Come on, think.
Thinking.
Thinking Oh! Stop that! Thinking hurts him! Maybe I can|think of a way to use that.
Prepare to be thought at!|Leela, give me a topic.
- Duh|- I can't think of anything.
Gotta find something.
|Hardy Boys? Too easy.
Nancy DreW? Too hard.
Perfect! Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! They're weakening.
|Nibblonians to Nibble stations.
Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment.
- Sometimes I fear we are cute.
|- Oh, niggle-snooch.
Take that! This one I don't|understand.
But take this one! Ooh.
You have not won yet.
Each book is a gateway|to a mental realm and I shall take you there|and imprison you forever! Icky! Where are we? A gold doubloon to the man|who first spies the white whale.
- Big whale over there.
|- I saw it first.
Wait! That no white whale!|It gray thinkie whale! Let go of me! I have to kill it! You will all be trapped|in this dense symbolist tome forever! Follow him! It's our only way out! Have you seen a giant brain? Yep.
I let him help with the fence.
Tom Sawyer, you tricked me.
This is|less fun than previously indicated.
Let this corny slice of Americana|be your tomb for all eternity.
- No!|- Come on! Mr.
Fry? Mama says|you're quite the oddity.
- A bachelor at your age.
|- I'm an oddity? Wait till- The most eligible landowner|in all Hartfordshire, Mr.
Brainley.
I'm a gigantic brain! - I say!|- Most ungentlemanlike.
What news have you|of the London season? - Well|- Hey, think fast! I always think fast.
The whale! He be white now! I've got an idea.
Stay here with Queequeg.
Is there a Mrs.
Queequeg? Yes! I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for|some electroshock treatment! Fry, don't die! Wake up! No! "Leela cried as Fry lay dead|under the heavy bookcase.
The Big Brain laughed in triumph.
Then, for no reason, he left Earth|forever.
The End.
" There! Now he's trapped in my book,|full of plot holes and spelling errors.
The Big Brain am winning again!|I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no "raisin"! The Big Brain is defeated.
|Let what must be done, be done.
Me feel a bit better|in cognitive faculties.
I did it! And it's all thanks to the books|at my local library.
And so, life returned to normal.
Or as normal as it gets on this|dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes.
The people of Earth had no memory|of What had transpired.
Except Fry.
And no one believed him|or cared What he had to say.
I returned to my post, ever-vigilant,|lest Earth again come under attack.
And When that day comes,|God help us.
God help us all.
Time for a diapie change.
End transmission.
Nibbler, roll over and you get a ham.
|Roll over.
Roll over for the ham.
You are so adorable.
Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500|and a year's supply of dog food! - Five hundred dollars, you say?|- Dog food, you say? That dog's gonna be hard to beat.
|Look at him.
One sheep, two sheep three sheep.
But our real competition|is the Hypno-Toad.
Your turn, Nibbler.
|Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! I have a late entry.
My hard-shelled|whooping terrier, Mr.
Zoidberg.
Faster! Faster! Ow.
Suck in that gut!|You wanna be spayed? Silence, you cur!|Puff out that brisket! I should be weeping! I'm not weeping! I love these things.
Shake paws, Nibbler.
Come on, shake.
He might be a little hungry.
Usually,|he's had more ham by now.
Shake! Third prize, a party-sized keg|of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel|and his owner, Fluffers.
Second prize, this lovely afghan,|made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for|losing! You didn't stick your landing! - Forgive me, my friend.
|- Never! And before we announce the winner,|we have a special award for Ms.
Leela and her|mystery pet, Nibbler! Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's the eloquence you'd|expect from the owner of Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand prize winner: The Hypno-Toad! All glory to the Hypno-Toad! Ah, maybe they're right.
|Maybe Nibbler is dumb.
Don't listen to them.
People said|I was dumb, but I proved them.
Good news.
We were supposed to make|a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12.
But it's been completely destroyed.
- Why is that good news?|- They paid in advance.
- Excuse me.
|- This is mighty strange.
First, Space Rome collapsed.
Then, Don Martin 3 went caflooie.
|And now Tweenis 12.
- This planet is next.
|- That's Earth.
- The planet we live on?|- I'd hate to be those guys.
What's got into him? He's twitching|like Zoidberg when you say "food.
" What, now? No! Nibbler, come back! Too bad Nibbler's not around.
|I'll have to eat this raw ham myself.
Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.
Nibbler?! Am I going crazy? Have my years of hedonism|caught up with me? Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here! Nibbler? Could you scooch|the seat up, just a little bit? - Leela back yet?|- Help me! My heart stopped! - You don't have one.
You're a robot.
|- Sure.
Right.
Robot.
Oh, Fry! My skin's all dry and clanky.
- Well, yeah.
Robots are made of metal.
|- Am I a robot? I don't get this scam.
|You already have my power of attorney.
Fry! My skin! Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
I'm a genius! Why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon!|Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Oh, I just let you back in! Unbelievable! I thought you were|a furry little moron.
But here you are flying an adorable|spaceship! If only you could talk.
Wait! I understood that! You're transmitting your thoughts|directly to my brain? You say those awful flying brains|are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh, stupider.
And you say we're headed|for your home planet where you've lived since|the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence? So every religion is wrong.
You fell! Hi! Some bad things happened.
|One bad thing Was a train got crashed.
Wanna see? People Won't be late, though.
|The governor said: "I'm sending in more trains.
" Go!|Wait for me! Morbo can't understand|his Teleprompter.
HoW do you say the letter that|looks like a man With a hat? It's a T.
It goes: tuh.
Hello, little man.
I Will destroy you! Even the news monster|is acting strange.
What to do? I know! Let's play the lottery! Let's buy Internet stock! On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy|on margin! Look at me! I'm invisible! I know what's going on!|You've all become idiots! - Hey! Let's all join the Reform Party!|- Oh, yeah! Welcome back, ambassador to Earth,|homeworld of the pizza bagel.
I bear many receipts|for reimbursement.
The four welcomes to you as well, Leela.
We shall appear to be|speaking your language.
- Do not be afraid, child.
|- I'm not afraid.
Uh, good.
Good.
So, your real name is Lord Nibbler? It is for your sake.
By the time you pronounce|one letter of my name a trillion cosmoses would sink|into eternal night.
Oh, you're all so cute.
No, we are an ancient, powerful race.
Behold.
When the universe|was forged in the big bang our mighty race was|already 17 years old.
- Aw.
|- Mm.
For the first|millisecond, things were okay.
But there arose a terrible enemy,|the Brain Spawn.
Ever since, we have waged|unceasing war against these dreadful- Lunch is ready.
Then let the feast of 1000 hams begin! Why are these Brain Spawn|attacking Earth? They hate all consciousness.
Thoughts screech at them like|the forced laughs of movie patrons.
Thus, they travel making everyone stupid in order|to wipe out all thought.
Wipe out thought? My God!|They're flying televisions! And even we are powerless|to stop them, fearsome though we are.
There is one being|who can resist.
A child of destiny whose bizarre brain|waves make him immune to their attack.
He is the hope of the universe.
The fate of your world, perhaps all|worlds, rests in his special mind.
Now, when you say "special" Attention New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid! Fleet holding at perimeter|of Moron Zone, formerly knoWn as Earth.
Why would Fry be immune?|Because he doesn't shower? They suppress intelligence|by attacking delta brain waves.
Every animal and robot generates|this wave, as do certain trees.
Fry, however, does not.
Somehow, he has cobbled random|brain waves into a working mind.
- Like a carpet-remnant prom dress.
|- Like your prom dress.
The Brain Spawn are commanded by a|brain with a gooey center of pure hate.
Only Fry, with his superior,|yet inferior mind, can approach it.
Tell him to disable it.
|We will do the rest.
- You can count on me.
|- No.
- On Earth, you will be too stupid.
|- That's why we wrote it down for you.
We also prepared|a bag lunch and mittens.
Time to reeducate you dunces.
|We'll start with presidents.
This was our first president,|George Washington.
Let's review.
|Who was our first president? Um - A pickle jar?|- Thomas Jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried!|Are you a bonehead? I have to tell must important something You're going a mile a minute.
This you for this! Thanks! No! - Ow.
Fire hot!|- The professie will help.
Fire indeed hot.
Oh, Chester A.
Arthur fall down.
Brain.
Brain make people dumb.
No, Leela.
Brain make people smart.
- You go fight biggest brain.
|- Even bigger than those? - Where is it?|- I don't know.
A giant brain is|basically a giant nerd.
And where would a giant nerd be? The library! Pathetic human race.
Arranging knowledge by category|made it easier to absorb.
Dewey, you fool, your decimal system|has played right into my hands.
- What do you want?|- I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.
We have long since|evolved beyond the need for asses.
Odd.
My stupefaction field|is having no effect on you.
That's right! You'll find a little|knowledge is a dangerous thing! Better think of a new plan.
|Come on, think.
Thinking.
Thinking Oh! Stop that! Thinking hurts him! Maybe I can|think of a way to use that.
Prepare to be thought at!|Leela, give me a topic.
- Duh|- I can't think of anything.
Gotta find something.
|Hardy Boys? Too easy.
Nancy DreW? Too hard.
Perfect! Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! They're weakening.
|Nibblonians to Nibble stations.
Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment.
- Sometimes I fear we are cute.
|- Oh, niggle-snooch.
Take that! This one I don't|understand.
But take this one! Ooh.
You have not won yet.
Each book is a gateway|to a mental realm and I shall take you there|and imprison you forever! Icky! Where are we? A gold doubloon to the man|who first spies the white whale.
- Big whale over there.
|- I saw it first.
Wait! That no white whale!|It gray thinkie whale! Let go of me! I have to kill it! You will all be trapped|in this dense symbolist tome forever! Follow him! It's our only way out! Have you seen a giant brain? Yep.
I let him help with the fence.
Tom Sawyer, you tricked me.
This is|less fun than previously indicated.
Let this corny slice of Americana|be your tomb for all eternity.
- No!|- Come on! Mr.
Fry? Mama says|you're quite the oddity.
- A bachelor at your age.
|- I'm an oddity? Wait till- The most eligible landowner|in all Hartfordshire, Mr.
Brainley.
I'm a gigantic brain! - I say!|- Most ungentlemanlike.
What news have you|of the London season? - Well|- Hey, think fast! I always think fast.
The whale! He be white now! I've got an idea.
Stay here with Queequeg.
Is there a Mrs.
Queequeg? Yes! I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for|some electroshock treatment! Fry, don't die! Wake up! No! "Leela cried as Fry lay dead|under the heavy bookcase.
The Big Brain laughed in triumph.
Then, for no reason, he left Earth|forever.
The End.
" There! Now he's trapped in my book,|full of plot holes and spelling errors.
The Big Brain am winning again!|I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no "raisin"! The Big Brain is defeated.
|Let what must be done, be done.
Me feel a bit better|in cognitive faculties.
I did it! And it's all thanks to the books|at my local library.
And so, life returned to normal.
Or as normal as it gets on this|dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes.
The people of Earth had no memory|of What had transpired.
Except Fry.
And no one believed him|or cared What he had to say.
I returned to my post, ever-vigilant,|lest Earth again come under attack.
And When that day comes,|God help us.
God help us all.
Time for a diapie change.
End transmission.