Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s03e07 Episode Script

A finer beauty never walked the earth! She's a rare flower.
If she were mine, I'd kiss the ground she walked on! Hi! Where is she? Where's my Psyche? Which way? Thanks.
It's okay.
You can come out now.
Pelops! When I get my hands on you- You.
You've got a lot of nerve showing your face in public.
Excuse us.
We had an agreement, Psyche- Not during the day, remember? I'm sorry, Father, but I felt like a prisoner in there.
I had to get out.
Let's just go.
It's her.
Wonder of wonders.
It's true.
Dear lady, these eyes have feasted upon the most magnificent creatures on earth.
But never- never have they seen your match.
I am truly your servant.
How much do you want for her? What? You don't understand, sir.
My daughter is not for sale.
Of course she's not.
So what'll it be? A thousand dinars? Two thousand? Come on, Cupid.
Get it over with.
Let's have a toga party.
Just name your price.
Now, if he won't sell, I want you to- Toga! Toga! Come here, Bartolemus.
You have the most beautiful eyes.
But this is so sudden! Wait! Come back! I don't get it.
I thought you were supposed to shoot the girl.
Yeah, well, there's been a change of plan.
Let's get outta here.
Mom! Uh-huh.
It's never taken you two weeks to get a job done.
And now when I come to see what's up, you miss a clean shot? You better have an explanation, Junior.
Yeah, well, I got one.
I'm sick of doing your dirty work.
I've got a life of my own, you know? Oh, it seems like just yesterday you were fluttering around with those chubby pink cheeks and those cute little wings.
And now look at you.
Tell you what.
Just do this one gig for me, and then we'll talk.
Deal? No deal.
From now on, I'm my own boss.
Wait! Don't be stupid, Cupid.
Later.
Fighting, fighting, fighting! Don't you ever get tired of this immature behavior? Well, well, well.
If it isn't my favorite little sister.
I suppose this is your doing.
Uh! Herc, you know how much I hate fighting.
"Make love, not war"- That's my motto.
Mm-hmm.
Aphrodite, what do you want? Okay, there is this one little favor I need.
It's Cupid.
He's been hanging with a really bad crowd.
I'm worried he's headed for trouble.
- So you want me to talk to him.
- Well, you are his favorite uncle.
And he won't listen to me, that's for sure.
Uh, can I talk to him later? I'm a little busy right now.
What, this? Stand back.
Excuse me, boys.
Can I have your attention, please? You're losing your touch.
As if.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh! - Mmm.
- There.
Can we go now? I can't believe I'm related to her.
This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power- Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! Hercules, all the years I was growing up, the only time I ever saw Mom was when she wanted me to make some stupid mortals fall in love.
Well, some of them need my help, some don't.
Either way, I'm sick of it.
But Cupid, it- it is your job.
Yeah, okay, okay.
I'll get to the point.
Two weeks ago, she shows up out of the blue and says she wants me to make some girl fall in love with a toad.
Now, you tell me- What's that all about? Who is this girl? Well, she's, uh- she's different, you know? She's, uh, gorgeous.
Really.
Anyway, as soon as I saw her, I-I knew the whole thing was bogus.
Her name's Psyche.
Psyche? The daughter of Holidus, the innkeeper? You know her? Yeah, when she was a kid.
Does she still live in Maladon with her father? Yeah.
Yeah.
W- Well, what are you gonna do? Talk to your mother, for starters.
Oh, and I was supposed to tell you to try to stay out of trouble.
Okay? I gotcha, Uncle Herc.
Hey, you know something? You're almost cool.
Thanks, I think.
What are you knuckleheads doing? Just the person I was looking for.
You call that talking to him? You saw the kind of life he's leading.
Why didn't you do something? Like what? I don't know.
Whatever.
I don't care.
Just get him in line.
If you can't do it, who can? Maybe no one.
In case you haven't noticed, he's a grown man.
Tell me something, Aphrodite.
Your only concern here is your son, right? Absolutely.
And the fact that Psyche's beautiful - that doesn't bother you.
What, do you think I'm jealous of a mortal? Please.
Well, now that we've cleared that up, then you don't need me anymore.
Wait! You're just gonna walk away? Some role model you are.
Later.
It's Psyche, isn't it? Just leave me alone, would you, Mom? I hate to see you looking so sad.
Well, how do you expect me to feel? Cupid, I have told you time and time again- Mess around with mortals all you want; that's what they're there for.
But whatever you do, don't fall in love.
Well, why not? Because it can't work.
Believe me, I know.
Uh! Just zap the chick so she'll fall in love with somebody else, please? It's the only way you're ever gonna be happy.
A girl as fine as that you can't buy with gifts.
Watch me.
I'll win her heart.
Buy a map to Psyche's house.
Come on.
You won't be sorry.
There you go, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Buy a map to Psyche's house.
Step right up! Get 'em while they're fresh and dewy! Two, four, six, eight- Flowers help ya pollinate! Go-o-o, romance! That's very catchy.
Hercules! What a pleasant surprise! Hold down the fort.
Ho-ho! You got it made, my friend.
I mean, Psyche's not gonna choose anybody over you.
That's not what I'm here for.
Yeah.
Don't kid a kidder.
Hey.
What's it gonna take to make the deal? Huh? We have roses.
We have lilies, impatiens.
Impatient, huh? I know- a mixed bouquet.
Salmoneus, you're taking advantage of all these men.
No, I'm keeping their dreams alive.
Now, I'll let you have this bunch for two dinars and a deal on the wedding.
That's half my normal price.
Uh, thanks, but I'm here totalkto Psyche.
And I think I know where I can find her.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
Hercules! I haven't seen this Psyche yet, but I gather she makes Aphrodite look like a bow-wow- you know what I mean? If I were you, I would be careful.
"Careful" don't pay the rent, my friend.
A bow-wow, huh? Whoever you are, we're closed.
And my daughter is not receiving any visitors.
Even if it's an old friend? Hercules! Holidus, how are you? Oh.
Daddy, did you say- Hercules.
It is you.
It's so good to see you! Psyche.
The last time I saw you, you were this tall, with pigtails and freckles, and all you cared about was climbing trees.
She's still climbing them.
Well, sometimes it's the only way to escape.
I can believe it.
Well, you haven't changed.
You're still the world's bravest, best-looking hero.
So you have to tell me - what's it like fighting the Hydra or Echidna, the mother of all monsters? How did you get rid of her? Well, actually, I didn't.
You see, what happened- Oh.
you're just as modest as ever.
It's good to see you, Hercules.
Yes.
So how long can you stay with us? I'm just passing through my way to Corinth.
I haven't seen my mother and Jason since they were married.
Well, you, um, might as well stay for lunch.
Because, you know, if you don't, I'll never forgive you.
Then lunch it is.
I can't go through life unforgiven.
Well, boys, this is it.
Somebody's gonna score with Psyche today.
Who's it gonna be? Hmm? Mmm! Washboard abs.
I like that.
Mmm! A man who doesn't believe in bathing.
That's good too.
You fool.
She won't choose you.
Now, me- I'm more her style.
Huh.
Nice material.
Oh, beauteous one! Let me ravish- lavish you with a rose- sweet, proud and upstanding.
Business must be good.
Mm-hmm.
It's amazing the things a man will do to win the love of a beautiful woman.
Especially one who makes Aphrodite look like a bow-wow.
You misunderstand.
I said "wow-wow"! Whoa.
Listen, Your Gorgeousness, you were always my favorite goddess.
Even as a kid I collected your trading cards, and believe me - they don't do you justice at all.
Please don't hurt me! Please! I'll do anything! Get up.
Why? I have a deal for you.
You do? What's my percentage? I want to rock your world, stud muffin.
Stud muffin, huh? Is that good? Oh, yeah.
Oh! Not so fast.
There's something I want you to do for me first.
Yeah? Hercules? Hmm? Do you think I'm attractive? Uh, you're more than that.
You're beautiful.
So you- you like me.
Well, of course I do.
Psyche, what is this about? I want you to take me away from here.
Uh- Come again? Really.
I'm serious.
It's- The men in this town have just treated me like a prize or something.
It's disgusting, and I can't stand it! I wanna see the world! I wanna have adventures with you.
Psyche, I think you're wonderful.
I mean, I really do.
But you're young.
You need to live your own life, not mine.
I wouldn't get in your way.
I promise.
You see, my life is- it's- The thing is, if you stop and think about it- I don't wanna stop and think about anything.
I just wanna be with you.
Oh.
Go away! Now, Cupid, you know this is for the best.
Yeah, right.
Excuse me.
Coming through, coming through.
Hey, watch who you're pushing! I'm not butting in.
Don't worry.
I'm not butting in.
Message for the lady.
Ooh, great flowers, by the way.
Aphrodite, this is for you.
Who's there? A friend of your father's.
He sent for ya.
You look lovely today, my dear.
Salmoneus, what are you up to? There she is.
I can't.
Me? Up to something? Hey! Take my flowers, Psyche.
You muffin head! Give me that! Hercules! Step aside, buffoon! This is no way to prove your love! Mom- Psyche.
Get away! Hercules! Oh, Psyche.
Are you all right, Hercules? Never better.
Hercules! These men are trying to hurt you! They are? Oh, yeah.
Are you all right? I'm fine, but- but you're gonna get- Hello, Psyche.
What is it, Hercules? Wish I could find the words to tell you how beautiful I think you are, but all I can say right now is I love you.
That's it! I quit! Cupid! Cupid, come back here! What's come over you? It's the most wonderful feeling I've ever had.
Excuse me? But- But earlier today you couldn't wait to get away from me, and- and-and now- And now I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
Fine.
Be that way.
I got somebody special in my life too, you know.
Good-bye! This is like a dream come true.
Meet me in an hour? What are you gonna do? Make myself beautiful for you.
Mmm.
Aphrodite! Where are you, my passion flower? I've come to pluck your petals- Ow! Ooh.
Look at that.
It's exquisite craftsmanship.
Might be an heirloom.
Well, if you can't hold a beautiful woman, at least you can hold something that might make some money.
Wish Cupid would lighten up! All he does is pace, pace, pace! Boring! We should party! Yeah! Party! What do you want? To apologize.
Hercules was right.
You're not a little kid anymore.
I don't believe it.
Did Tartarus freeze over? All right, all right.
Don't press your luck.
I know you don't wanna hear this, but what happened back there is probably for the best.
You and Psyche never would have worked out.
How do you know? Because Psyche is mortal.
And mortals are like plums.
You know? They taste great for a while, but- Ugh! Before you know it- prunes.
Let me tell you something, Mom.
I can't imagine living another day without Psyche.
Look, Cupid, I know I haven't been much of a mother.
But if you try to win this girl's love, you'll feel a jealousy so strong it'll change you, all right? Big time.
Jealousy, huh? Oh, that's rich, coming from you.
You're the one who's jealous, because everyone's talking about Psyche instead of you.
'Course, it's even worse, 'cause she's mortal.
Just stay away from her, Cupid.
Please.
No.
I've got a better idea, Mom.
Why don't you stay out of my life? Enter, oh vixen of vixens.
Hercules! I was just taking a nap.
Hope I hid the handcuffs.
Do you normally nap in those? Yeah! Very stylish, don't you think? Yeah.
Uh, it's quite a place you've got here.
Decorated it myself.
I don't mean to be rude, but shouldn't you be off somewhere? You know, making the world safe for those of us who are lovers, not fighters? No, that can wait.
I saw these flowers outside, and I was wondering if- Take them - with my compliments.
Really? Yeah.
If you could just kind of - Sure.
Oh, wait a moment.
Wait, wait, wait.
You know Aphrodite, don't you? - Oh, she is my half-sister, yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, with all-due respect, she has a reputation of being a little, uh- And I have it on good authority she's hot for my body.
Don't laugh.
Now, my question is this- should I play hard to get? Or should I let her have her way with me? What do ya think? I think I'm leaving.
Here.
What, not fresh enough? No, I just had a better idea.
Uh-huh.
dd Aphrodite dd You've made me so happy.
Good.
I hope this makes you even happier.
What is it? It's a- It's a- It's a poem.
I- I it wrote for you.
- Hercules, that's so sweet.
- Well- What's all this? Well, I know it's a lot, but, if I'm going to meet your parents, I - My parents? Yes.
You were on your way to see them.
I decided to come along and find out all those things that you're just a little bit too modest to tell me.
But I thought we would- Listen.
We can talk about things on the way.
Let's go tell my father the good news.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Well, uh, there's only one thing I can say.
Welcome to the family, Hercules.
Thanks.
And may I call you Dad? I'd be honored.
I couldn't wish for anyone better.
So, I can't wait to travel the world with you, Hercules.
And you know with me at your side, you'll be able to help more people than ever.
Whoa, slow down, Psyche.
Those days are over now.
And then you can- What did you say? Well, no.
We're gonna stay here.
No, we'll get married, we'll put down roots, have a family- Isn't that what you always wanted? No.
But you can't do that anyway.
You're a hero.
Look, everything I do will be to please you.
I'll-I'll cut down my hours.
I'll travel less.
I'll be the best husband there ever was.
Tell me I'm dreaming.
We both are.
And I hope we never wake up.
- Hercules! - Psyche! Psyche! My little girl! Hercules! You gotta save her! I will! What is that thing? I have no idea, but I'm gonna find out! Wh-Wh-What are you gonna do with that? I'm gonna give it to Psyche as soon as I find her.
Oh, don't hurt me! Please! I'm begging! What- What's going on? Who are you? I- I'm Cupid.
No, you're not.
You're- You're some kind of monster! I- I saw you! You're- You're wasting your time.
There's no way out.
Don't come any closer, please.
Just- Look, there's nothing to be afraid of.
I don't bite.
If you're so nice, then why don't you let me go? 'Cause you'd just run back to Hercules.
You're right.
I- I would.
He wants to marry me.
Yeah, well, I'm not surprised.
It was my arrow that made him fall in love with you.
It was? Well, it's too bad for you, because I'll bet he's on his way here right now to rescue me.
Yeah.
I bet.
Look, there's someone I've gotta see.
I'll be back in a while.
You mean, you're leaving me here all alone? Don't worry.
I'd never do anything to hurt you.
Okay? You wouldn't? Herc! I need to talk to you! I'm busy.
I know what just happened.
You know what happened? Yeah.
That monster who just ran off with your new girlfriend? It's my darling boy.
Cupid? That monster was Cupid? Yeah.
Since when did he start lookin' like that? It's a gnarly curse, dude.
Whenever he feels the pain of unrequited love with a mortal, he turns into this green-eyed monster.
Where'd he take her? I don't know.
My guess is Hephaestus's old cathedral.
The place is a total bummer, but he always liked it.
Go figure.
Let's figure something else out here first.
I fell in love with Psyche because Cupid hit me with one of his arrows - by mistake, right? Yeah.
Exactly, lover boy.
Cute.
Which one of the gods put this curse on him? Old cow-face.
Who else? Hera.
Yeah.
She got jealous because I stole one of her boyfriends.
He wasn't even that cute.
Anyway, she knew that she'd never be as beautiful as me, so- So, she punished Cupid.
Yeah.
But it's not permanent.
Not the first two times, but if it happens again- Three strikes and he's out.
Yeah.
Am I good, or what? Bull's-eye.
Hey, you guys.
Quit horsing around.
Horsin' around? Hey, we're not Centaurs.
Centaurs.
Very funny.
I've got a job for you two chuckleheads.
Are we listening? Mm-hmm.
Good.
I want you to go back to Maladon.
I've left my bow there.
Find it.
What about the rest of us? The rest of you, keep your eyes open.
Stay sharp.
Trouble? Yeah.
Hercules.
Ooh! I know it sounds crazy, but at the time it was a really good idea.
Come on.
Think about it, Herc.
Cupid's arrow hits Psyche.
She falls for the sex-starved florist- What's his name? Salmoneus.
Right.
Anyway- Fast-forward a couple of years- Psyche's a fat, happy housewife, Cupid's over her, and everybody wins.
Nobody more than you.
Come on, Herc.
If the arrow had just hit her, everything would be fine.
You can't play with people's lives like that! And I can't walk away not knowing that Psyche's safe.
Once I'm sure, then I promise I'll leave, and I'll never see her again.
What? Hello! If you think that you can escape Cupid's arrow, I've got news for you.
Nobody is that strong.
I am.
Okay.
Let's put it to the test.
Uh, whatever I say, you say the first thing that comes to your head, okay? Fine.
All right.
Sun.
Moon.
Bread.
Butter.
Psyche.
Smart.
Funny.
Sexy.
Perfect.
Okay.
You stay here.
I'm gonna go save my son.
Oh, no.
I'm goin' with you.
Bet I get there first.
I hate it when she does that.
Party down with us, sister! Yeah.
You'll live here till ya die! What do you think you're doing? I never told anyone to treat her like this.
Get outta here.
Party pooper! You know, I don't- I don't believe this.
For years, people have been telling me how nice you are, and you're just- you're just as much of an animal as they are! I'm sorry.
They didn't hurt you, did they? What do you care what they did to me? Well, I care a lot.
I mean, I know what it's like to feel trapped.
When I was a kid, I used to come out here a lot because it was the only place I knew of that I could get away from my mother.
Then why don't you let me go? I can't.
Why? I'm sorry.
I just can't.
I don't want to lose you.
If you've come for Psyche, you're wasting your time.
I told you there'd be problems.
You should have listened to me.
No, you listen to me, Mom.
I love her, and I am not letting her go.
Okay.
I guess it's time to tell you the facts of your life.
This thing that happened with you and Psyche? It's a curse from Hera.
Thanks for warning me.
And, if it happens two more times, you're this green-eyed monster forever.
I- I don't get it.
Why can't I just be like everybody else? All I wanna do is cherish Psyche forever.
Oh! You really are the romantic type, aren't you? Okay.
I've got it.
Why don't you get your bow and arrow and shoot her? No! Yeah! Make her fall in love with you.
No! I want Psyche to love me because she wants to, not because she's forced to.
Oh, that is so sweet.
And so old-fashioned too, but not a good idea.
Now, please, let me get Psyche out of here before Hercules shows up.
No! You stay away from her, you hear me? Or I swear, I'll make Hera look like your best friend.
I'm telling ya- it's one of a kind.
This is the bow that'll make ya crow.
This is the thing that'll make ya sing.
What are you sayin'? I'm saying you need to buy this priceless heirloom for its conversation-piece value alone! Lemme see! Hey, you can see with your eyes, not your hands! I wanna see! This is not professional! This is not professional! Huh? I love you, man.
But I'm already committed to a monogamous relationship! I know what this is.
This is my reward for a life of virtue and thrift! This is Cupid's bow.
Oh, the riches! Oh, the fame! Oh, the fabulous babes! Thank you, gods! I owe you one! Down, boy.
Hercules! Don't be a spoilsport! I'm sure Cupid has a lot of these lying around! I'll just take care of the lovebirds that he can't get to.
For a price, of course.
I have a reputation to maintain.
What reputation? Don't start! Not unless you start respecting the power of Cupid's arrows.
They can turn your life upside down, you know.
They can- They can drive you out of your- out of your mind with love, make you do things that are absolutely crazy! What's the matter with you? Take it easy! Hey! You need proof, do you? Need some proof? Huh? Fine.
Watch this.
What are you doing? Hercules! Hercules! You all right? See? Even cold water doesn't help! Oh! Why can't you leave me alone? You are so beautiful.
But Deianeira is the only woman I've ever really loved.
- Yes! - Wh-What is it? What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? I'm a free man! Deianeira broke the spell! Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you jumped? No! This is about my heart.
- Then you're all right! You sure? - Never better! Now all I've gotta do is rescue Psyche! All right! Well, if you won't be needing me, I'll just- Salmoneus! You be careful with that! I'm shocked that you think I wouldn't be.
Shocked, I tell you.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Why can't I ever find the easy way? "Psyche, Psyche, you are so sweet.
Without you, life is incomplete.
" Whoa.
"Before I met you, I was lonely.
Now you are my one and-" Herc, don't quit your day job.
I, uh, brought you some food.
I thought you might be hungry.
You know, I never knew that gods got lonely too.
What? N- Nothing.
Um- Nothing.
Thank you for the food.
Oh.
Uh, Hercules is here.
What? Already? Yeah.
He's even faster than I thought he was.
Stay here, Psyche.
You'll be safe.
You shouldn't have come, Hercules.
Before you decide that, you better hear what I have to say.
We don't have anything to talk about.
What if I told you that your arrow didn't work on me? That I'm not in love with Psyche? You're lying.
You know me better than that, Cupid.
I just wanna make sure she's safe.
From what? The green-eyed monster? No, from Aphrodite.
There's no telling what she might do.
Call off your satyrs.
Sorry.
Can't do that.
Okay.
Get him, boys.
I thought I was your favorite uncle.
Don't waste your hearing, girlfriend.
Aphrodite.
In the flesh.
Now, come on.
Let's get you out of this dump.
I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're doing this.
Hello! I'm trying to help you here.
No, you're not! I heard you before with Cupid.
I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on.
I get it.
You're copping this 'tude because everyone's been saying you're more beautiful than I am.
But now that I see you, it's obvious they're clueless.
Do you actually think that I like being compared to you? Not being able to go anywhere or do anything? And people treating me like I'm some kind of freak? Don't sugarcoat it, honey.
I'm just here to save Cupid.
But I never thought that you would - It's a mom thing.
Come on.
Okay.
That was easy.
Here.
Drink up.
How is that going to help Cupid? I'm his mother.
Would you trust me? Fine.
Hmm.
You know, I like you.
It's a shame you're so cute.
She's not cute.
She's beautiful.
Come on, Psyche.
I'm taking you away from all of this.
Don't do it, Cupid.
You know what'll happen.
Okay, will someone please just tell me what's going on? Maybe I can.
Not a chance.
Jealousy sure does make a person ugly.
This isn't gonna be fun.
Don't hurt him, Hercules! Me, hurt him.
Please.
Oh! Cupid, can we at least talk about this? I guess not.
Psyche.
Psyche.
What have you done, Mother? If it's any consolation, she's not as old as she looks.
For once in your life, would you give me a straight answer? What have you done? I did what any mother would do.
I tried to protect you.
Aphrodite, this is a little extreme.
Mom, you have got to learn to let me live my own life! Oh, Psyche.
Oh, Psyche, I am so sorry.
I love you.
You don't have to say that.
Listen to her, Cupid.
I don't care what you look like.
I know what a wonderful person you are.
And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
Will you marry me? Oh! Can I take that as a "yes"? Uh, it really is love, Aphrodite.
What do you want me to do about it? Come here.
Cool idea, big brother! Hey, kids.
This is the deal.
Courtesy of Hercules.
I'll restore Psyche's looks on one condition.
Oh, I'm- I'm not so sure.
Chill, will you? This is ambrosia.
One sip, and it's off to Olympus.
- You mean, you're gonna make me immortal? - You got it, sweet pea.
Oh, Cupid.
Oh, Psyche.
Cupid.
Oh.
Thanks, Mom.
He thanked me.
Uh.
What're you smiling at? Oh, I'm just thinking about those two up there with Hera.
It is gonna make her go crazy with jealousy.
Yeah.
Let's not keep her waiting.
Mmm.
Okay, kids.
Come on.
Let's go.
Um, Hercules, I just - You don't have to say anything.
As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.
Thank you- both of you.
I, uh- I owe you an apology.
I'm-I'm sorry.
It's all right.
Just don't turn into that green thing anymore.
Gotcha.
Now, you're so close to being cool.
Come on, Psyche.
I'm gonna show you Olympus.
You're gonna flip.
Bye, Hercules.
Bye, Mom.
This means I'm a mother-in-law? Ahh, how humiliating! Don't start pouting.
You did the right thing.
That's all that counts.
Hercules! Help me, please! Give us that bow, big man! From them? They look too tired to be dangerous.
How did you get up here so fast? I was motivated! I was running from that! Stay back! She got in front of one of my arrows! Aphrodite, is there an antidote for this? No, not really.
You sure? Mm-hmm.
Would she kid you?