High Maintenance (2016) s03e07 Episode Script
Dongle
1 (SEAGULLS SCREECHING) (JET ENGINE ROARS) (JET ENGINE ROARING) (TRAIN WHISTLING) ¡Buenos dÃas! (CONVERSING IN SPANISH) ALDO: Staten Island, Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens.
Yo, Google Maps, bro.
MAN: It's seven o'clock, see?! In the morning! What are you doing? LUIS: Every fucking time! Me no speaky, bro! It's a freakin' residential neighborhood, you morons! My granddaughters are sleeping here! You must think this is funny? It's not freakin' funny! (MEN CHATTERING IN SPANISH) (RICARDO SPEAKING SPANISH) (LUIS SPEAKING) Bacon and cheese, por favor.
- Coffee regular? - Si, gracias.
Si, por favor.
- Gracias.
- De nada.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (CARS HONKING) (MEN CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (LUIS SPEAKS) Gracias.
- (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) - (ROOMMATES LAUGHING) - (CONVERSING IN SPANISH) - Shh! (ROOMMATES CHATTERING QUIETLY IN SPANISH) Hola.
¿Cómo estás? Egg on a roll y coffee regular.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH) ¿Qué? Uh-huh.
(TALKING ON PHONE IN SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH OVER PHONE) Ay papi, say hi.
(OSCAR SPEAKING) MIRIANA: No, lo siento.
(MARIANA SPEAKS) (MARIANA SPEAKS) - Te quiero.
- Te quiero.
(PHONE BEEPS) Sofia, your dad is looking for you.
Buenos dÃas.
Egg on a roll y coffee regular.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH) Gracias.
(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) (CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) - (WOMAN GIGGLES) - (LUIS SPEAKS) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) - (LUIS SPEAKS) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) Tres, dos, uno.
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH) Papi! (HORNS HONKING) Hey, Oscar.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH) - Okay.
Gracias.
- Gracias.
(PRICING GUN CLICKING, BEEPING) Nice.
- Sofia, your dad was by again.
- I know.
ANGEL: Girl, don't you have a phone? LEE: Mm! - (GASPS) - Ooh, sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
I'm just very sensitive.
That was very sweet, though.
It really smells like gasoline when we're idling.
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, it's fine.
- I can only smell your drink.
- What? Whatever that is, it smells so intense.
- It's just bone broth.
- Really? I mean, it might be the kombu.
Smelly Kapowski over here.
Hmm? - You didn't watch Saved by the Bell? - Mm-mm.
I thought I told you, I didn't really watch TV growing up.
(CARS HONKING) Oh yeah.
(CARS HONKING) (JACKHAMMER RATTLING) THE GUY: Here you go.
What's up, man? (JET ENGINE ROARING) I'm chuffed about this rough.
What? (LAUGHING): You look ridiculous.
Oh no, I don't.
I look Holi-dazzling.
LEE: Yeah, but I told you it's like winter holidays, like Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah.
- LEE: It's okay.
You made a mistake.
- THE GUY: I don't Well, maybe I made a mistake.
- Oh, wow.
- Hi, honey! - AJ: It's so nice of you to sneak into the city.
- That's how I deal with it.
Of all of the Holidazzles in all of the houseboats Nice to see you, too.
Lee, you remember Jules? Yeah, we've met, at the park on Memorial Day.
- My birthday thing.
- Totally, yep.
Sorry, I have, like, face aphasia.
- Or something.
- Face aphasia? That's my favorite movie as a kid.
I'm AJ.
How do you guys know each other? Uh, well - through marriage.
- Yeah, our marriage.
Oh hey, you're the guy.
That's me.
Nice to meet you, AJ.
Nice to meet you.
I'm digging the sexy Pilgrim.
- So out of the box.
- I mean, it's in the box.
It's Thanksgiving.
It's Holidazzle.
This is very uncomfortable for me.
This is a reverse Mayflower situation.
I'm being persecuted on a boat.
You just gotta roll into it.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - Is Blaine here? - Yeah.
I think I saw him in the captain's quarters.
- Oh, you have to meet Blaine.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, we have so much to catch up on later, my dear.
- Top of my dance card.
- Good to see you, Julie.
(QUIETLY): It it's Jules.
Bye, Julie.
See you around.
- Her name is Jules.
- What's that? (CHATTERING) (LAUGHING) So how you been? Hey, brother.
Hey, Sofia Mia, where you been all day? Around.
Sof! You gotta come check this out.
We're going digital this year.
I'll be able to control the fireworks with my laptop.
THE GUY: Yeah, well, it's not your business what anybody thinks of you, you know? And these are your friends, but I just don't think anyone's judging you.
I really don't.
Yeah, but it's impossible to know.
Yeah, so why even try to figure out what they're thinking? - You'll never know.
- (KNOCKING) - (LEE GROANING) - It's okay.
Okay.
It's okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah, it's okay.
I'm okay.
- Oh, hey.
How are ya? - JULES: Hey.
Is this a bad time? Uh Yeah Yeah, come on in.
- Welcome! - It's very nice.
Well, thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Want this? - Yes, please.
There you go.
- My fucking therapist is in there.
- THE GUY: Oh, no.
Yeah, she just stared at me.
- I wanted to stop seeing her - Yes, please.
and I didn't know how, and she made it so fucking hard, so I just stopped returning her calls and e-mails.
Yeah, she might be mad about that.
- Yeah, she just stared at me, stared.
- LEE: Mm.
Therapists aren't allowed to acknowledge their clients in public.
You have to say hi first.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
Like a vampire.
The Guy (EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT): Yeah, like wampire! (IN SAME ACCENT): Ah, yes, like wampire.
(IN SAME ACCENT): Ha-ha-ha.
You are my client, and you're my Why'd it become Jamaican? Hey! What's going on in here? Hey, we're taking a little break from the party.
Oh, cool.
I'm gonna make a beer run.
- I'll go with you.
- No! Stay here with me! We haven't had a chance to catch up yet.
You know what? I can take the RV, much quicker to get beer.
Uh, or, you know, I also like to walk.
It's a nice day.
I'd like to walk.
- I'll go get the beer.
- You sure? - Oh, yeah.
Let's walk.
- I will go with you.
- THE GUY: Really? All right.
- Yeah.
You okay? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah.
For the road.
THE GUY: It's just a mole.
The derm-y did call it a cancer, but it's not, like, cancer.
- It's just like, they got it.
It's taken care of.
- Shit.
- Okay.
- Don't worry about it.
- So you're gonna go to the doctor regularly, right? - I did go to the doctor.
I go to the doctor regularly.
I'm an adult, I do all sorts of things.
- Okay, man, I'm just saying - I pay taxes.
- I know how to use Windows 95.
- You have to take care - of yourself, okay? - Yeah, that's true.
I do take care of myself, though.
Every morning I make my own nut milk, and I drink it with collagen, - Maca root - Wow! - Burpies - Okay.
- Yoga - Oh, damn.
Okay! Lee's got you on that wellness tip.
It's true.
Well "ness" tip.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) - That was so stupid.
That was not - I don't know, man.
That was not my best.
That's great, man.
It seems like it's all working out for you.
So, you know I can tell when you don't like somebody.
- I didn't say that - I know you didn't say it, but I can tell.
No, I am not saying that I don't like her.
- Okay.
- I think it's a little weird that she defended him.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah, but you and I both know that's a tricky situation.
Absolutely.
No one's saying anything to the contrary.
- Never mind.
- She left him.
After she made excuses for his behavior.
- Okay, well, that - That's all I'm saying.
- The heart wants what the heart wants.
- Uh-uh.
Oh, that's a Woody Allen quote.
Oops.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - Sorry.
- Well, it's It's It's fine, you know? It just seems like it could get messy.
You know what I mean? Yeah, Messy Spano.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - That's a good one.
- Yeah, it's a good one.
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (NOISY CHATTERING) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) - Hi.
- There she is.
We got lost.
- AJ: That's all right.
- It wasn't too much of a trouble, was it? - Oh, no.
We had a nice time.
- It was fantastic.
- Do you want a drink? - Yeah, what are you making? Um, I think you'll like it.
It's called a Reverse Mayflower.
Oh, yes.
I respond to this kind of humor.
- Yeah.
I thought you would.
- Yeah, it's a callback.
- Bringing it back for ya.
- Thanks.
You guys seen Lee? What did you do to her? Just told her a sad, sad story.
(AJ LAUGHING) - Later, baby.
- Bye! THE GUY: I guess it's my hang-up.
I'm not into the Irish goodbye or French exit or whatever.
LEE: They probably think we already left.
Think these fireworks are gonna happen? I don't know.
I don't know, I mean, do you wanna just go? (SIGHS) Do you wanna go? I don't I don't care.
Let's just go, yeah? All right.
Okay.
Will you secure the stuff down? - Yeah.
- Okay.
(ENGINE CHUGGING) Do you want me to call a car? Shit.
Give me a second.
(ENGINE CHUGGING) - I'm gonna call a car.
- All right, let's call a car, fine.
BILL: Matty, you didn't check to make sure you had what you needed? You can't remember to bring the fucking cord? I thought I brought it! I'm sorry! UNCLE BOBBY: Just send someone back to the house to get the dongle.
- BILL: Good fucking luck! - I knew we shouldn't have switched to computers.
What was wrong with the old-fashioned way? BILL: You fucked us, Matty.
We're fucked.
You know this show ain't happening until we get that fucking dongle.
I need a dongle.
- No, no.
That one.
- This? Sofia, oh my God, yes! Hey, everybody, hold up! Sofia got the dongle! Matty, come on.
(APPLAUSE, CHEERS) (INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) (DISTANT FIREWORKS CRACKLING) Oh, there they are.
There they are.
(LEE YAWNING) - Want to switch seats with me? - I think I get the picture.
Excuse me, do you have the little cord thing? I can play my own music? - The dongle.
- The dongle.
Thank you.
- DRIVER: Sure, it's right here.
- Awesome.
Thank you.
No problem.
I am light - Om, shanti, shanti, shanti - (LEE SIGHS) (MAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH) (DISTANT FIREWORKS POPPING) Hey, coffee regular! Hola.
Welcome to New York.
(JET ENGINE ROARING) This was supposed to be a temporary gig.
(DOG BARKS) THE GUY: Wow, he's really getting up in there.
(MUSIC PLAYS) I don't think it's gonna fit.
Get the automotive epoxy.
The clear, though.
What did you say the name was? Oh my God.
Is that your baby? Nah, I'm callin' the cops.
- (DOG BARKS) - (CHILD BARKS) (GROWLS) It's not his fault his family's a mess.
THE GUY: Who you gonna work for? I don't even know what else I'm qualified to do.
THE GUY: Welcome to the club.
(HOWLS)
Yo, Google Maps, bro.
MAN: It's seven o'clock, see?! In the morning! What are you doing? LUIS: Every fucking time! Me no speaky, bro! It's a freakin' residential neighborhood, you morons! My granddaughters are sleeping here! You must think this is funny? It's not freakin' funny! (MEN CHATTERING IN SPANISH) (RICARDO SPEAKING SPANISH) (LUIS SPEAKING) Bacon and cheese, por favor.
- Coffee regular? - Si, gracias.
Si, por favor.
- Gracias.
- De nada.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (CARS HONKING) (MEN CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (LUIS SPEAKS) Gracias.
- (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) - (ROOMMATES LAUGHING) - (CONVERSING IN SPANISH) - Shh! (ROOMMATES CHATTERING QUIETLY IN SPANISH) Hola.
¿Cómo estás? Egg on a roll y coffee regular.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH) ¿Qué? Uh-huh.
(TALKING ON PHONE IN SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH OVER PHONE) Ay papi, say hi.
(OSCAR SPEAKING) MIRIANA: No, lo siento.
(MARIANA SPEAKS) (MARIANA SPEAKS) - Te quiero.
- Te quiero.
(PHONE BEEPS) Sofia, your dad is looking for you.
Buenos dÃas.
Egg on a roll y coffee regular.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH) Gracias.
(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) (CONVERSING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKING IN SPANISH) (SPEAKS SPANISH) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) - (WOMAN GIGGLES) - (LUIS SPEAKS) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) - (LUIS SPEAKS) - (OSCAR SPEAKS) Tres, dos, uno.
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH) Papi! (HORNS HONKING) Hey, Oscar.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH) - Okay.
Gracias.
- Gracias.
(PRICING GUN CLICKING, BEEPING) Nice.
- Sofia, your dad was by again.
- I know.
ANGEL: Girl, don't you have a phone? LEE: Mm! - (GASPS) - Ooh, sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
I'm just very sensitive.
That was very sweet, though.
It really smells like gasoline when we're idling.
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, it's fine.
- I can only smell your drink.
- What? Whatever that is, it smells so intense.
- It's just bone broth.
- Really? I mean, it might be the kombu.
Smelly Kapowski over here.
Hmm? - You didn't watch Saved by the Bell? - Mm-mm.
I thought I told you, I didn't really watch TV growing up.
(CARS HONKING) Oh yeah.
(CARS HONKING) (JACKHAMMER RATTLING) THE GUY: Here you go.
What's up, man? (JET ENGINE ROARING) I'm chuffed about this rough.
What? (LAUGHING): You look ridiculous.
Oh no, I don't.
I look Holi-dazzling.
LEE: Yeah, but I told you it's like winter holidays, like Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah.
- LEE: It's okay.
You made a mistake.
- THE GUY: I don't Well, maybe I made a mistake.
- Oh, wow.
- Hi, honey! - AJ: It's so nice of you to sneak into the city.
- That's how I deal with it.
Of all of the Holidazzles in all of the houseboats Nice to see you, too.
Lee, you remember Jules? Yeah, we've met, at the park on Memorial Day.
- My birthday thing.
- Totally, yep.
Sorry, I have, like, face aphasia.
- Or something.
- Face aphasia? That's my favorite movie as a kid.
I'm AJ.
How do you guys know each other? Uh, well - through marriage.
- Yeah, our marriage.
Oh hey, you're the guy.
That's me.
Nice to meet you, AJ.
Nice to meet you.
I'm digging the sexy Pilgrim.
- So out of the box.
- I mean, it's in the box.
It's Thanksgiving.
It's Holidazzle.
This is very uncomfortable for me.
This is a reverse Mayflower situation.
I'm being persecuted on a boat.
You just gotta roll into it.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - Is Blaine here? - Yeah.
I think I saw him in the captain's quarters.
- Oh, you have to meet Blaine.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, we have so much to catch up on later, my dear.
- Top of my dance card.
- Good to see you, Julie.
(QUIETLY): It it's Jules.
Bye, Julie.
See you around.
- Her name is Jules.
- What's that? (CHATTERING) (LAUGHING) So how you been? Hey, brother.
Hey, Sofia Mia, where you been all day? Around.
Sof! You gotta come check this out.
We're going digital this year.
I'll be able to control the fireworks with my laptop.
THE GUY: Yeah, well, it's not your business what anybody thinks of you, you know? And these are your friends, but I just don't think anyone's judging you.
I really don't.
Yeah, but it's impossible to know.
Yeah, so why even try to figure out what they're thinking? - You'll never know.
- (KNOCKING) - (LEE GROANING) - It's okay.
Okay.
It's okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah, it's okay.
I'm okay.
- Oh, hey.
How are ya? - JULES: Hey.
Is this a bad time? Uh Yeah Yeah, come on in.
- Welcome! - It's very nice.
Well, thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Want this? - Yes, please.
There you go.
- My fucking therapist is in there.
- THE GUY: Oh, no.
Yeah, she just stared at me.
- I wanted to stop seeing her - Yes, please.
and I didn't know how, and she made it so fucking hard, so I just stopped returning her calls and e-mails.
Yeah, she might be mad about that.
- Yeah, she just stared at me, stared.
- LEE: Mm.
Therapists aren't allowed to acknowledge their clients in public.
You have to say hi first.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
Like a vampire.
The Guy (EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT): Yeah, like wampire! (IN SAME ACCENT): Ah, yes, like wampire.
(IN SAME ACCENT): Ha-ha-ha.
You are my client, and you're my Why'd it become Jamaican? Hey! What's going on in here? Hey, we're taking a little break from the party.
Oh, cool.
I'm gonna make a beer run.
- I'll go with you.
- No! Stay here with me! We haven't had a chance to catch up yet.
You know what? I can take the RV, much quicker to get beer.
Uh, or, you know, I also like to walk.
It's a nice day.
I'd like to walk.
- I'll go get the beer.
- You sure? - Oh, yeah.
Let's walk.
- I will go with you.
- THE GUY: Really? All right.
- Yeah.
You okay? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah.
For the road.
THE GUY: It's just a mole.
The derm-y did call it a cancer, but it's not, like, cancer.
- It's just like, they got it.
It's taken care of.
- Shit.
- Okay.
- Don't worry about it.
- So you're gonna go to the doctor regularly, right? - I did go to the doctor.
I go to the doctor regularly.
I'm an adult, I do all sorts of things.
- Okay, man, I'm just saying - I pay taxes.
- I know how to use Windows 95.
- You have to take care - of yourself, okay? - Yeah, that's true.
I do take care of myself, though.
Every morning I make my own nut milk, and I drink it with collagen, - Maca root - Wow! - Burpies - Okay.
- Yoga - Oh, damn.
Okay! Lee's got you on that wellness tip.
It's true.
Well "ness" tip.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) - That was so stupid.
That was not - I don't know, man.
That was not my best.
That's great, man.
It seems like it's all working out for you.
So, you know I can tell when you don't like somebody.
- I didn't say that - I know you didn't say it, but I can tell.
No, I am not saying that I don't like her.
- Okay.
- I think it's a little weird that she defended him.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah, but you and I both know that's a tricky situation.
Absolutely.
No one's saying anything to the contrary.
- Never mind.
- She left him.
After she made excuses for his behavior.
- Okay, well, that - That's all I'm saying.
- The heart wants what the heart wants.
- Uh-uh.
Oh, that's a Woody Allen quote.
Oops.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - Sorry.
- Well, it's It's It's fine, you know? It just seems like it could get messy.
You know what I mean? Yeah, Messy Spano.
(BOTH LAUGHING) - That's a good one.
- Yeah, it's a good one.
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (NOISY CHATTERING) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) - Hi.
- There she is.
We got lost.
- AJ: That's all right.
- It wasn't too much of a trouble, was it? - Oh, no.
We had a nice time.
- It was fantastic.
- Do you want a drink? - Yeah, what are you making? Um, I think you'll like it.
It's called a Reverse Mayflower.
Oh, yes.
I respond to this kind of humor.
- Yeah.
I thought you would.
- Yeah, it's a callback.
- Bringing it back for ya.
- Thanks.
You guys seen Lee? What did you do to her? Just told her a sad, sad story.
(AJ LAUGHING) - Later, baby.
- Bye! THE GUY: I guess it's my hang-up.
I'm not into the Irish goodbye or French exit or whatever.
LEE: They probably think we already left.
Think these fireworks are gonna happen? I don't know.
I don't know, I mean, do you wanna just go? (SIGHS) Do you wanna go? I don't I don't care.
Let's just go, yeah? All right.
Okay.
Will you secure the stuff down? - Yeah.
- Okay.
(ENGINE CHUGGING) Do you want me to call a car? Shit.
Give me a second.
(ENGINE CHUGGING) - I'm gonna call a car.
- All right, let's call a car, fine.
BILL: Matty, you didn't check to make sure you had what you needed? You can't remember to bring the fucking cord? I thought I brought it! I'm sorry! UNCLE BOBBY: Just send someone back to the house to get the dongle.
- BILL: Good fucking luck! - I knew we shouldn't have switched to computers.
What was wrong with the old-fashioned way? BILL: You fucked us, Matty.
We're fucked.
You know this show ain't happening until we get that fucking dongle.
I need a dongle.
- No, no.
That one.
- This? Sofia, oh my God, yes! Hey, everybody, hold up! Sofia got the dongle! Matty, come on.
(APPLAUSE, CHEERS) (INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) (DISTANT FIREWORKS CRACKLING) Oh, there they are.
There they are.
(LEE YAWNING) - Want to switch seats with me? - I think I get the picture.
Excuse me, do you have the little cord thing? I can play my own music? - The dongle.
- The dongle.
Thank you.
- DRIVER: Sure, it's right here.
- Awesome.
Thank you.
No problem.
I am light - Om, shanti, shanti, shanti - (LEE SIGHS) (MAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH) (DISTANT FIREWORKS POPPING) Hey, coffee regular! Hola.
Welcome to New York.
(JET ENGINE ROARING) This was supposed to be a temporary gig.
(DOG BARKS) THE GUY: Wow, he's really getting up in there.
(MUSIC PLAYS) I don't think it's gonna fit.
Get the automotive epoxy.
The clear, though.
What did you say the name was? Oh my God.
Is that your baby? Nah, I'm callin' the cops.
- (DOG BARKS) - (CHILD BARKS) (GROWLS) It's not his fault his family's a mess.
THE GUY: Who you gonna work for? I don't even know what else I'm qualified to do.
THE GUY: Welcome to the club.
(HOWLS)