I Love Lucy (1951) s03e07 Episode Script

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Yes, Caroline, that's right- a mink stole of my very own.
Ricky just told me.
Oh, isn't he a dream? Oh, really? He's the nicest, dearest, sweetest husband in the whole world.
Oh, naturally, it was very expensive, but Ricky says nothing's too good for his little wife.
Oh, well, I have to go now, Caroline.
I'll see you Thursday at the club meeting at Ethel's.
Good-bye, dear.
(sighs) Lucy What? Do you realize that that's the seventh person that you called telling them I'm gonna get you a mink stole? Yeah, I know.
Lay off the phone, honey.
I'm waiting for a very important call.
Oh, all right.
Oh, baby! Mmm! Did I thank you properly? Yes, but do it again.
You got the best thank-yous in town.
Mmm-mm! You know, I wish you wouldn't (chuckling) I wish you wouldn't make such a big point about how expensive it's gonna be.
After all, I'm getting it wholesale.
Shh! No one's supposed to know that but you, me and the minks.
What's the difference who knows? I want people to think you love me retail, not 40% off.
Ay-yi-yi.
Oh, I can't stand it! A mink stole! A m-i-n-k s-t-o-I-e of my very own! Oh! Hello, Marge? Guess what Ricky's getting me.
A mink stole! That's right! I wonder what's keeping that guy.
LUCY: Well, and when he told me he was going to give it to me, you have no idea, you know what he said? Lucy! Wel- ah! Oh, uh, thanks for calling.
Thanks very much for calling, Marge.
Good-bye.
Hmm? What are you going to do? Call everybody in town? But, Ricky, a mink stole, a mink stole! I never had a mink stole before.
A mink to a woman is like I know, I know, but if I hear you say "mink stole" once more tonight, you're not gonna get it.
Understand? All right.
But you can't stop me from thinking about it.
I wonder where this guy could be.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, Ethel! Where have you been? Downtown.
Guess what.
Ricky's getting me a m Oh, I'm not allowed to say it! Guess what Ricky's getting me.
I haven't got time to play games.
I got to go get my dinner on.
No, no, wait a minute.
This is very important.
Ricky's giving me a present.
Yeah? Yeah, well, guess what it is.
Okay, give me a hint.
Well, Ricky is giving me something- something that every woman has always wanted from her husband.
A divorce? No.
It's something to wear.
What does this look like? A diaper? Oh Now, Ethel, be serious.
A shawl.
A necktie.
You be quiet! Uh now watch.
A burglar? ETHEL: A burglar.
Uh Ricky's giving you a burglar to wear around your neck? No.
Uh now watch.
What's he doing? Stealing? Stealing.
Uh Steal? Uh Uh Stole? Uh, yeah! Stole? Oh, a stole! Yes! Uh, uh, uh Now, what kind of fur is it? Fur? Yeah.
Uh fox? No, uh No? Smaller than a fox? Uh, yeah Rabbit? Smaller than a rabbit? A white rat stole? No.
Come on, Ethel, think, think.
It rhymes with "think"! "Think"? Yeah! Think think Yeah.
(falsetto): Oh! From Ricky? Yes! I don't believe it.
It's true, Ethel, it's true! Ricky's giving me a-a A mink stole! Yes, a real, honest-to-goodness what you said.
Oh! Oh, Ricky, that's just wonderful.
Isn't that gonna cost a lot of money? Well, as a matter of fact, I'm getting it Holy cow! Oh, it's terribly expensive, Ethel, but you know how Ricky is.
Gee, can't you just see the girls when I wear it to the meeting Thursday? Oh, they'll just die.
Oh! Oh, that's the best news.
I got to go now and get my dinner on.
Okay.
Oh! Bye.
Bye.
(door shuts) Oh, I'm sorry I kicked you, honey.
Sorry I kicked you so hard.
That was kind of stupid of me, especially right now, huh? You're not mad, are you? My father always said to me, "El que le da de comer al padre ajeno pierde la mano y pierde el pan.
" What does that mean? Don't kick the shin that stoles you.
Oh! Oh.
You're cute! Here we go! We say good night to Daddy.
Say good night to Daddy.
Good night, boy.
Say good night.
Say, "Good night, Daddy.
" Say, "Good " Oh, come on, say good night to Daddy.
Oh Well, honey, I guess he's just tired.
Sure, he's tired, Mama.
Yeah, you should have seen him today.
He was all over the place.
Really? Yeah.
Want to walk a little bit for Daddy? Oh, come on.
Show me how you can walk.
Here, take this.
Here, boy.
Come on, show Daddy how you can walk.
Here, come on over here.
Come on to Daddy.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh! Isn't that wonderful? Look at that boy.
Oh, that's wonderful! Oh, that's wonderful, man.
Come on.
Say, "Nighty night, Poppy.
" He's a big boy.
Yeah.
Say nighty night.
Good night, Ricky.
Here, honey.
There we are.
Say good night.
Good night.
Wave bye-bye to Poppy.
Good night, sweetheart.
Wave bye-bye.
Wave bye-bye.
He's sleepy, Mommy.
Yeah, good night.
Good night, boy.
(chuckling) Well, our little man is sound asleep.
Good.
When's Mrs.
Trumbull gonna get here? Any minute.
You know, I always think it's so silly to have to get a baby-sitter to go across the hall to the Mertzes' to play canasta.
Well, the price is right: Nothing an hour, double for overtime.
Well, I guess it gives her something to do.
Yeah.
(phone rings) She's an awfully nice woman.
Yeah.
Hello? Oh, hi, Ethel.
Sure.
What's on your mind? Honey, we're gonna be there in a minute.
Shh! Why don't you talk then? Oh, well, yes, honey, it's your turn to have the club meeting this week.
Well, I don't know, Ethel.
The last two times it was your turn, I had it here.
Now, you can't have the club meeting here.
Shh, be quiet! Well, besides, if I have it here, what excuse have I got to wear my mink stole? No, I can't leave all the windows open.
Oh, I know, I know.
Well, maybe I can have it here.
No, you can't have it here.
Will you please be quiet? Uh, yes, dear, I understand.
Lucy, I want to talk to you for a minute! Shh! Uh, all right, dear.
Uh, okay, I'll have it here.
All right.
What's the matter with you? You crazy or something? I told you, you can't have that meeting here.
I'm sorry, Ricky, but don't you know why Ethel never wants to have the meeting at her place? Sure.
She's smart; she doesn't want to go through that mess.
No.
Because she's ashamed of her apartment.
She's ashamed of her apartment? Yes.
Why? Well, you know, the wallpaper is all stained and the furniture is so crummy.
Well, I'm sorry, but you can't have that meeting here.
Marco is coming over Thursday.
We're gonna work on arrangements all day long.
Now, you certainly can change that.
Besides, every time you have that meeting here, it takes you two days to get ready for it, two days to get over it, and the place is a mess while they're here.
It'd be simpler to paint the Mertzes' apartment.
Hey, that's a wonderful idea! What? Paint the Mertzes' apartment.
Now, wait a minute.
I didn't mean that lirally.
Well, I'm taking it lirally.
That is a sensational idea.
We'll have a painting party.
The four of us will paint the Mertzes' apartment.
We're not going to do any such thing.
Why not? Look, Fred knows how to paint; it's his apartment; if he wants to fix it up, let him do it.
My father always says, "No te mete en adonde no te llaman.
" What does that mean? Don't meddle in other people's business.
What did your father ever do but sit around and think up corny sayings? Besides, it's not meddling.
If they don't want it painted, they can say so.
And if they do, you certainly can spend one afternoon helping our dearest, closest friends, can't you? Well Then you will? Okay, but All right, I'll go get Mrs.
Trumbull.
I'll tell her to hurry, then we'll go right over and tell them.
ETHEL: I'm lily of the valley Of the quiet, peaceful valley over there And I'm lonely, oh, so lonely Fred, Lucy and Ricky will be here in a minute.
That's good.
Well, go change.
Change? Well, you don't expect to stay dressed like that, do you? Well, from the tone of your voice, I guess I don't.
Go on, get fixed up.
(groans) It's only the Ricardos.
It's the principle of the thing.
Go on! And put on a necktie.
Necktie? Yes, a necktie.
(mutters): Necktie? I know, I know.
Ricardos are coming over, I got to get a necktie on.
(knock at door) Come in, come in.
Hi, girl.
Hi.
Hi, Ethel! Where's Fred? Where's Fred? He'll be right out in a minute.
He's showering and dressing.
Fred Mertz! Well, you didn't have to get all dressed up just for us.
Fred Mertz, you march right back in there No.
Now, wait a minute.
I have something to tell you.
What? Well Come here, Fred.
LUCY: Um Ethel, you know how your apartment is.
What do you mean? Well, the way it looks.
Let's face it, it's sort of, uh Oh, what's the word I'm looking for? I don't use that kind of language.
Yeah, well, Ricky and I thought it might be fun to have a painting party.
The four of us could paint your apartment.
A painting party? Yes.
And paint this apartment? Yeah.
Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
Well, wh-wh-what color do you think it ought to be? Oh, let's see Who's gonna pay for the paint? Well, there goes that idea.
Let's play canasta.
Well, those are things you got to find out.
How ungrateful can you be! I wouldn't be surprised if they called the whole thing off now.
Why? Because you just don't ask questions like that.
When they offer to give us a party, that obviously means that they supply everything.
That is, unless they've changed their minds after your rudeness.
Have you? Uh No, we-we-we haven't, have we, Ricky? No, no, no Oh, that's great! That is a good idea, you know.
That's the best idea you've ever had, Lucy.
Let's see now, when we paint it, we ought to paint it some, uh Oh, uh, real some real bright color.
That's what it needs, a real bright color.
Orange would be nice.
Orange! Orange! Oh, don't be so silly.
For heaven's sake.
Then, after it's painted, all we'll have to do is buy new furniture and we'll have a whole completely redecorated apartment.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's this about new furniture? Well, after it's painted, we can't leave this ratty stuff in here.
It'll just show it up.
Sure.
Now, just a minute.
You're not gonna touch this chair.
You're not gonna touch that lamp.
(rattling) Oh, no, let's don't lose that lamp.
No.
You're not gonna touch that table or that chair he's sitting in either.
Well, that only leaves the ashtrays.
Well, I don't care.
I- I just got this stuff broken in so it's comfortable.
Oh! How can you say that, Fred? Look at that chair.
It's all lumpy and sags in the wrong places.
So does Fred.
Never mind! Well, if we're not gonna get new furniture, you can just forget all about the painting.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, come on, let's play canasta.
LUCY: No, no.
Now, now, you listen, Fred.
Now you listen.
You're not gonna touch this furniture.
It's all stuffed with feathers.
Every bit of it.
Why-why, they don't make furniture like this anymore.
You can say that again.
Well, I've lived in this miserable rat's nest for 20 years.
I guess I can live in it for 20 more.
Oh, now, Ethel, we'll think of something.
I know.
How about? How about you butting out for a change? Well! Aw, now, don't cry, honey bunch.
Don't you "honey bunch" me, you penny-pinching old goat! Who's a penny-pinching old goat? If the penny fits, pinch it! Okay! Que lo estoy diciendo por 13 anos que no te mete en They're still not speaking.
And the craziest thing of all- they're both mad at me.
No! I just can't understand people.
Try to help them and they turn on you every time.
Well, I And don't say, "I told you so.
" Well, I did told you so.
I know, I know.
You told me, your father told me, everybody told me.
Why don't you admit that you were wrong to go there and butt in? All right, I admit it- I made a boo-boo.
From now on, whatever they do is their own business.
I've learned my lesson.
I'm through.
Good.
(sighs) Boy, this is a tough one.
What is? Trying to figure out how to get Fred and Ethel back together again.
I give up.
What's the matter? What were we just talking about? And now you're getting ready to butt in again.
Just butt out, will you? I can't go through life with a boo-boo on my record.
Besides, they're our dearest friends, and it's our fault that they're fighting.
Our fault? Well, my fault.
And I know how to straighten it out, too.
Well, I'm not gonna listen.
Well, I'm gonna say it anyway.
Where's that magazine? You see, if we do the painting and don't get the furniture, Ethel will be mad.
If we do get the furniture, Fred will be mad.
So, there's just one thing to do- paint the furniture and upholster the old furniture.
Did you hear me? "Paint the furniture and upholster the old furniture"? Yes.
You mean paint the apartment and upholster the old furniture? Yes.
I didn't hear you.
Oh Now, look, I don't mean that we're going to have it done.
We're going to do it ourselves.
Do it ourselves? Sure, there's an article in here; it's easy.
Look.
Here it is.
Now look at this.
Right here.
Who's going to pay for the material? You sound more like Fred Mertz every day.
Now, look, Ricky, we've just got to do it.
We'll pay for the material.
Okay, but that means that your mink stole is going to be cut from here to here.
All right, if that's the way it has to be.
Come on.
But that's certainly hitting below where my mink belt used to be.
(knock at door) Come in.
Hello, Fred.
Oh, it's you.
What's that you're eating? My breakfast.
A bottle of beer and a salami sandwich? Well, it's the only thing I know how to cook.
Ethel has locked herself in the bedroom and won't come out.
Well, that's why we're here, Fred.
I have a plan that'll fix everything.
Please, from now on, your channel doesn't come in on my set.
He'll listen to you, Ricky.
You tell him I have a wonderful plan that won't cost him a cent.
My scatterbrained wife has another half-witted scheme, and if you listen to it, you're out of your mind.
Boy, did I suffer in that translation.
Well, what's the plan? I want to tell you both together.
Did you lose something? No, I didn't lose something.
What's your plan? Well, we thought that we would paint the apartment and upholster the furniture ourselves.
We'd leave in all the lumps and sags and that way, everybody would be happy.
Hey, that's a good idea, isn't it, sweetie? That sounds fine, honey bunch.
There's an article in Better Homes and Gardens here I want to show you.
I know how to do it.
Who's going to buy the material? Okay, we'll buy the material.
Let's not (sighs) Well, I'm all through with my wall.
Oh, isn't it beautiful? Hey, that didn't take very long at all, did it? Uh-uh.
Well, not a bad job for a bunch of amateurs.
How are you doing, Lucy? Fine.
I just got this little corner here.
RICKY: That's good.
Uh-oh! You missed a little spot right here.
LUCY: Oh? ETHEL: Oh, Ricky, you did a swell job on that woodwork.
Lucy! What? Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
Oh, thank you, Lucy.
That's the most hair he's had on his head for 30 years.
Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
(laughing:) Here, Fred.
You know, actually, we did pretty good not getting a lot of paint all over us.
Most people would have had paint all over them.
Sure.
Yeah, I'll say.
Oh, Lucy.
Well, so I'm enthusiastic.
But look at that paint job.
Isn't that a dilly? I'll say, but I was right.
LUCY: What? The furniture looks worse.
Well, we're getting to that now.
That's next, the upholstering.
Are you sure you know what you're doing? Sure.
We painted ourselves, didn't we? Well, you did, anyway.
You know what I meant.
Go down in the apartment and get that material.
It's on the desk.
Okay.
Let me at this stale old chair.
I've been waiting for this.
Oh, no! I can't stand to look at this.
It seems just like an old friend.
Oh, keep quiet, Fred.
(grunting): Aa-ah! (whimpering) Tell me, did it suffer much? Oh come on, do something useful.
Go open the window.
The paint smells awful in here.
All right.
I can't stand the smell of paint.
Hey, Fred, go get that electric fan we used last summer.
That'll clear all this paint smell out.
All right.
Now, don't plug it in here.
It's still wet there.
Well, I'll get a longer cord and plug it in the kitchen.
What's the matter with that? Boy, he wasn't kidding about these feathers, was he? Oh, Lucy, be awful careful.
They're just murder to sweep up.
I know.
I got to put them all up here.
Can I help you get that out of there? Yeah, you do that.
Okay.
(grunting) Aah ooh Oh, this tired old chair.
Am I glad to get this eyesore out of here! Aah! There.
We got to get these tacks out of here, you know? How do you do that? With a screwdriver.
Oh, okay.
And you be careful 'cause we have to use them again.
All right.
There, this ought to work fine.
Uh-oh, it must have caught on something.
This will do it all right, though.
Fred! Fred! Fred! Go pull out the plug! Fred! Oh, my God, look at the place.
Oh, Fred! Oh, no, look What happened? Oh What happened?! Lucy, now look at the mess you made! You've ruined our whole apartment! I have? Yes, you, this was your idea.
Now what are you going to do about it? Hi, girl.
Hi.
Oh, boy doesn't our furniture look wonderful in here! Uh-huh.
It was kind of rough on you and Ricky having to pay for all this, but I'm glad the way it turned out.
So am I, in a way.
You see, you got our old furniture, but I got to buy new furniture for our apartment.
And I get to hold the club meeting in my own, wonderful, newly furnished apartment! Yeah.
My stuff came; you want to see it? Mm-hmm.
Come on.
Okay.
There it is.
(gasps) Isn't it beautiful? Oh, Lucy, isn't that wonderful! I think it's dreamy.
Oh! Oh, everything turned out just wonderful- everything except Except what? Well, I've been kind of afraid to ask you, but what happened to your mink stole? We're sitting on it.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) WGBH access.
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Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
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