iCarly s03e07 Episode Script

He has a dog named Grubbles.
And Grubbles just went through a very difficult break-up with a frisky french poodle.
She really jerked him around.
So we thought we'd cheer up Grubbles .
And help him get his confidence back By giving him his own Extreme pet makeover.
Now, here's Grubbles' before picture.
That's a face only a gibby could love.
But take a look at Grubbles now.
Uh-huh, Grubbles.
Whew.
Look at him.
Looking good, Grubbles.
What's up, hot stuff? So, how does Grubbles like his new look? Oh, he loves it.
And it's been a real boost to his self-esteem.
Well, we're about to boost him even higher.
Yep.
We're gonna make him feel super special By giving Grubbles his very own Paparazzi ambush.
Grubbles, Grubbles, Grubbles.
Looking great, Grubbles.
I love it.
Look this way.
All right.
Come on, let's go.
They took a lot of pics.
Pics we'll be posting right here at iCarly.
com.
So make sure you look at 'em.
Look at them.
Freddie Benson.
Mom, we're in the middle of the show.
I don't care.
You have some explaining to do.
Mom, can we talk about this later.
Sam, don't take the--come on.
This could be very fun to watch.
What's so important? Maybe you'd like to explain the contents of this baggie? What is that? Oh, you don't recognize this asparagus that I put on your dinner plate? Mom, can we-- don't shoot this.
Sorry, I can't hear you over this embarrassment.
Mom, please leave.
After you finish your vegetables.
Oh my-- you better finish that with gosh.
Dear gosh, please make her leave.
Dude, just finish your asparagus so we can get on with the show.
When a big boy eats his vegetables-- don't sing the song.
In 5, 4, 3, 2.
I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one it's the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me leave it all to me just leave it all to me What's all the-- asparagus.
Benson.
Yeah, so clever.
I bet you guys win a clevy.
Hey, Freddie.
Guess what they're serving in the cafeteria tomorrow.
Oh, is it asparagus? 'Cause that'd be so hilarious.
No, it's fish sticks.
What's your problem? Hey, hey.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
Hey, gibby.
Freddie hurt my feelings.
What'd you say to gibby? It's all my mom's fault.
Don't you think she's a lunatic? Totally.
You know she's outside in her car waiting for you.
Let her wait.
There you go.
Where I go? Your mom pushes you around and treats you like a baby 'cause you let her.
Well no more.
She's gonna have to deal with the fact that I'm a man now.
Man.
Yo-dee-yo-dee-yo.
Look at Sammy's wad oh cash.
Admire the wad.
Whoa.
How much money is that? Guess.
Here's a hint.
Where'd it come from? These are deposits.
People wanna pay us to makeover their pets and take pics of 'em like we did on iCarly.
So, are we gonna do it? Why not? Heck, yeah.
View the wad.
Freddie Uh-oh.
Enter the dragon.
I have been waiting outside for nine and a half minutes.
So? So? When you were ready to be born, did I keep you waiting? Yes.
You were pregnant with me for 11 months.
I wanted to make sure you were done.
Mrs.
Benson, you're kind of drawing a crowd.
Oh, are you all Freddie's friends? No, no, no, mom.
They're not all my friends.
They're just-- who wants to see his baby pictures? Oh good.
I've got a bunch on my phone.
Mrs.
Benson Mom, do not show them-- here's Freddie wearing his special diapers.
Oh, and here's baby Freddie in the bathtub.
I'm out.
Pig, right there.
Okay.
Excuse me, I need to-- I'm sorry.
I just need to get through here, I'm sorry.
Excuse me, I gotta-- so, basically, we offer three packages.
The deluxe package Okay, over here.
A five by seven, and a three by five.
Dude, what-up with all the animals? I know.
Our pet photography business is blowin' up.
Okay, over here.
Should I tilt her back a little bit? Oh, right here.
That's so good.
Carly, I gotta talk to you.
What? I'm kinda busy.
I didn't realize your pet photography thing was gonna be this big a production.
And I told you we were gonna do-- hey, feel my hand.
It's wet and warm.
I know.
The puppy peed on it.
Ew, why did you ask me to touch it? Hello.
Excuse us.
Everyone who does not live or work here, please step into the hallway.
Into the hallway, please.
Let's go.
Go along.
Now, out there.
Run along.
Thank you.
All right, go, go, go, go, go.
Um, you guys can't just cut in front of everyone else.
Hush, please.
Hey, what kinda cat-- distance.
Look, if you guys want us to take pics of your cat, you're gonna have to go-- we don't need you to take pictures of Harmoo.
Harmoo? So, you all decided to open up a little pet photography business.
Yeah.
Well, stop it.
Right now.
Okay, who are you-- my name is Stewart Butler.
I'm oliver Pazely.
We're, the petographers.
So? You're photographers? Pet Ographers.
Pet.
Pet.
We have the most prestigious pet photography studio in Seattle.
And we're not going to let some children roon it.
Do you mean ruin? That's what I said.
No, ruin has two syllables.
I say roon.
Well get outta here before I roon your face.
Hey, remember aunt Margaret? Instead of window, she used to say winder.
"Spencer, open that winder.
" She's dead now.
She fell out of winder.
I'm kidding, she had a heart attack.
Go on? Who says there can't be two pet photography businesses in Seattle? Uh, I think we did.
Did we not? We did.
See? You guys can't just walk in here and force us to shut down our business.
So you want things to get ugly? Things got ugly when you walked in the room.
You've been warned.
Whoa.
They backed out of the room.
Hey, Mrs.
Benson.
I'm here to get Freddie.
Oh, he crashed on our couch.
Maybe you ought to just let him sleep.
But it's been three weeks.
Three weeks? Ever since Freddie was born, I de waxed his ears on every third Friday, which was yesterday.
But he refused to let me.
Well, you know teenagers and their ears.
All right.
I'll just go then.
Mom.
You tried to vacuum my ear while I was sleeping? Please let me finish.
No.
You treat me like a child and I'm not gonna put up with it anymore.
What does that mean? I'm moving out.
Freddie.
Freddie.
This is fantastic.
Okay, that was too much fun.
I know.
I would go ice skating every night.
Except now we can't because we've been banned from the frozen oval.
It's not my fault.
That big dude kept bumpin' into me.
So you had to Jack slap him in front of his kids? Okay, how 'bout a little snackage.
I could make spaghetti tac Get 'em, Spencer.
Get 'em.
Get it off, get it off my face.
Are you okay? Are you all right? Get Harmoo.
Are you okay? Yeah.
Where are they? Why were they here? Our studio.
Oh.
Hurry.
I bet I know who did this.
So, what do you want us to do? What do we want you to do? We want you to arrest the petographers for vandalizing our studio.
But taze them first.
Yeah, taze them hard.
What-up with your face? I told you, their possessed cat attacked me.
Harmoo? He's just a pussycat.
No, he is not just a-- wait, how do you know their cat's name? Are you friends with those guys? I know them.
They took some very nice photos of my daughter's bunny for free.
Why didn't they charge you? 'Cause I'm a cop, and the petographers don't charge cops.
Oh, so that means they can just break into our apartment, trash the place, and you don't even care? Watch the attitude.
I haven't forgotten about "pee on carl".
Here.
You're giving me a ticket? Yes.
That vehicle has no license plate.
It's a prop.
So are you.
Show us out, please.
He called me a prop.
So are they gonna go arrest Stewart and ollie? No.
The cops are all buddy-buddy with them.
It's total chiz.
So now what? Well, we're not gonna quit and let those prune-pops win.
We got to fix this place back up and keep taking pet pics.
My mom eats prune-pops.
Even if we do fix everything, what's gonna stop Stewart and Ollie from coming back and trashing the place again? Well, we could set up our pet photography studio in my new apartment.
Uh-huh.
Welcome to casa del fred-o.
This is where you live? Yep, it's all mine.
Do you like it? Uh-huh, yeah.
Sure.
And I'm sure it'll be really nice after you paint it, hang some curtains.
Move to a new place that's less disgusting.
Sam.
I don't care what she says.
Lewbert rented me this place for only a hundred bucks a month, and now my mom can't-- It's all right.
That happens whenever somebody uses the elevator.
Hey, there's no bathroom in here.
There's a sink.
We can't run a pet photography business out of this dump.
Let's just rebuild it in the "iCarly" studio.
So the petographers can come trash it again? They won't leave us alone.
They will if we teach them a lesson.
What do you mean? They hit us, we hit them back.
Harder.
That's the Seattle way.
You mean we trash their studio? No Freddie, I mean we rub ourselves with sweet mustard and sing show tunes.
I just wanted to confirm what you were saying so there wasn't any kind of-- wow, you can actually feel the awkward.
Hello, Freddie.
I didn't realize you'd have women here.
I brought you a prune-pop.
Please, don't try to talk me into moving back in with you.
Oh, I won't.
Actually, I think living on your own will be a positive thing for you.
Perhaps you'll even-- you get up to your room this instant, Freddie Benson! I am your mother and you will do as I say! No.
I blame you.
What, me? You're the one who got Freddie interested in girls.
And ever since then his boy-chemistry's been all out of whack.
Mom, I'm perfectly in whack.
I think you should go.
No, I'm sorry, I have to leave.
And when you realize you can't handle living on your own, you may come home, where I'll be waiting for you with a big steaming bowl of I-told-you-so.
I'm not coming home.
I live here now.
Eat this prune-pop.
I don't want that prune-pop.
Goodbye.
And we're in.
Wow, seventeen seconds.
That's her personal best.
Whoa.
Nice studio.
These poo-tographers must make a fortune.
Alright, come on.
Let's get destructive.
Got spray paint for carly, hammer for Freddie yeah.
And a big old baseball bat for momma.
Let's get wrecking.
Wait.
I'm nervous.
Why? This is my first vandalism.
It's easy.
Oh, what have you ever vandalized? Stewart and ollie.
What? They're here.
They're coming in.
Don't surrender.
Hide.
Come on.
Maybe the best dinner I've ever had.
That tuna carpaccio? Like being kissed by a fish.
I know.
All right, your highness, you get comfy on your Kitty pillow, and I'm gonna make myself a hot cup of blue tea.
Abort.
We gotta get outta here.
After we trash the place.
Sam.
We'll get caught.
Come on.
Go.
Run.
You see Sam yet? Nope.
Sam.
Where have you been? I needed to pick something up on the way home.
You kidnapped Harmoo? How great am I? So now what? We send Stewart and ollie an email.
That says? "If you want Harmoo back, "you better come clean up "our studio tomorrow and never bother us again.
" Let's call the police.
No.
It says, "if you call the cops, we shave the cat.
" Spencer, wake up.
Spencer.
No, Harmoo, don't bite that.
Dude.
Why are--what are you doing? Is it okay if I sleep here? What's wrong with your new apartment? I'm scared to sleep there by myself.
You're too old to be scared.
Anyway, why don't you just go back home with your mom? No.
If I do that she'll never stop treating me like a five-year-old.
All right.
You can sleep on the chair.
Thanks.
Wait, how come you're sleeping on the couch? I dunno.
What's wrong with your room? Nothing.
Well, then why aren't you-- I saw a spider in there.
Good night.
Good night.
I need to report a missing little boy.
He's 15.
Well, that's little to me.
Uh, he's about 5 foot--wait.
The chip.
I forgot I chipped him.
Mom? Freddie.
Are you broken? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Oh, I was so worried.
I came in first thing this morning and-- I'm fine.
Please move back.
I need my little fredward at home where he belongs.
Promise not to embarrass me in public anymore? Cross my heart.
Unlock all the channels on my tv? Not the nature network.
Mom.
But the elephants, with their-- mom.
All right.
There.
Your studio is exactly how we found it.
Spic and span.
All right? Now where is our beloved Harmoo? Are you guys gonna leave us alone? Yes.
Get the cat.
Who left Harmoo in my bathroom? Us.
We did.
Well, I didn't know he was in there.
I opened the door and he attacked my face again.
Hi, Freddie.
Where's Harmoo now? I dunno.
He jumped out the window and ran across the ledge.
On the ledge? What? Freddie can see Harmoo out his window.
Yeah.
Harmoo.
Get over here.
Is he out there? Is Harmoo all right? Yeah, he's just chilling on the ledge.
There he is.
Harmoo.
Harmoo.
Why are you acting out? He's usually so well-behaved.
Well-behaved? Every time he sees me he sinks his claws into my face.
No.
No.
All right.
Move.
Be careful.
Yeah, sure.
Don't startle Harmoo.
Hey, guess what? What? Shut up.
Here, Harmoo.
Look, Harmoo, my face is all vulnerable.
He's getting closer.
You're almost there.
Here, kitty kitty-- He's safe.
Let's leave.
Great meeting you guys.
Come on up.
Get up.