Kickin' It (2011) s03e07 Episode Script

I'm proud of my one term as student council President.
Why was I not re-elected? Nobody knows.
- You made the school day longer.
- You banned desserts.
You got rid of the faculty pinball machine.
Nobody knows! Please welcome our new student council President Kim Beulah Crawford.
That's right, people.
You voted in a Beulah.
Fellow students, there is nothing I will not do for you.
- Place your hand on the turtle.
- What?! I am not touching that wart bag.
It's tradition, Kim.
To be sworn in, you have to put your hand on Arlo.
My heart is clean.
My mind is fertile.
I'm the Prez - Swear on the turtle.
- Aw.
And now I'd like to bring up a good friend.
He's loyal.
He's true.
And he's dependable.
He's my Vice President Jack Brewer! Thank you.
So I was told as Vice President, all I have to do is stand up here and look good.
So here you go.
Thank you.
And now Erica Straffman has put together a special victory performance.
Thank you, Kim.
I think y'all know who I am.
I'all don't.
Then I'll tell you.
I'm a nationally ranked cheerleader and gymnast.
And I'm the head of our dance committee.
This is for you, Kim.
Isn't she sweet? Get in line, Gina.
Gina, look out.
Frank's got the turtle.
Frank! Why do you always ruin everything? Look at what you've done.
- Are you okay, hon'? - Yeah, I think so.
- I just need - Come here.
Daddy's gonna take care of you.
Oh! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
I don't know, okay? This decision could affect a lot of people.
It could define my presidency.
Kim, remember why you ran.
This is your chance to make a difference.
You're right.
By presidential decree! From this day forward Any student wearing the mascot suit will be required to wear underpants at all school functions! Kim, if it's all right with you, I'd like to say something.
As head of the dance committee, I suggest that we throw A fall ball.
Picture this The entrance to the gym is a sea of icebergs.
The doors open and you've just boarded The Titanic.
I see good times off the starboard bow.
It's not worth it, Erica.
Frank ruins every event your dance committee puts on.
He's right.
Remember the hive of hornets you put in the air vent at the spring formal? That was a riot! Kids' faces so messed up you couldn't tell the hornet bites from the zits.
Kim, we voted for you, because we thought that you would stand up to people like Frank.
- Am I right, y'all? - Yeah.
You know what? You're right.
By presidential decree We shall get our boogie on.
Motion to ban the President from ever dancing again? - Seconded! - Seconded! Duck migration is my favorite time of the year.
And we got front-row seats to the poop storm.
Oh Rudy, you forgot the Tahini sauce.
- Oh, I'll get it.
- Rudy, don't.
- Every year they get you.
- I'll make it.
I just got to be quick.
Oh, no, they're here.
Oh, no! I'm never gonna make it.
Yeah! First time in four years you didn't get me, you dumb ducks! What? Kickin' it with you! So Kim, the whole school's talking about this little dance you approved.
Would you go with me? No.
Then unlike the real Titanic, this one's going down.
Guys, somebody stole Arlo last night, and Funderburk is freaking out.
He's the chief administrator of a high school.
I doubt he's freaking out over a missing turtle.
Aw! He's gone.
We've been turtle-napped, people! He was in his cage when I left at 4:00.
And I saw the cage was empty at 6:00.
Why were you in my office? Well, I certainly wasn't using your private bathroom.
I just got an anonymous text saying Arlo is in locker 137.
That's Frank's locker.
Wait a minute! I didn't even know I had a locker.
Nobody believes you, Frank.
I'll open it myself.
I got a master key.
Oh, there it is.
Here's my little guy.
I missed you! Frank! You are going to detention for a long time! What happened? Frank's stole Arlo and now he's got detention.
Sending Frank to detention is a joke.
Kim, as President, isn't there something you can do? There is.
Section seven of the school constitution states that a unanimous vote from the school council can expel a disruptive student.
Please, Milton.
I got this.
Section seven of the school constitution states exactly what Milton said.
I love to go swimming with bow-legged women.
Oh, no! Not again! I think that's the one that got me.
Louie's been following me around all day.
It's because you're acting like his mother.
I am not! Don't you listen to the bad man.
You're my little baby boy and I love you so much.
Jerry, it's a wild animal.
You got to return him to his flock.
You're right.
We're from two different worlds.
Sure, we both have webbed feet and eat worms, but that's just not enough.
Yeah, that's him, all right.
You were the tail gunner, weren't you? Oh! You heard it! He admitted it! What's the matter, Frank? You crying because you found one of Phil's nose hairs in your hummus? Yes.
And because I'm being framed at school.
Ah, dude, they found Arlo in your locker.
A turtle in a locker? That's not me.
Now packing Danny Doyle's trombone full of mashed potatoes that's classic Frank.
More trombone! Doyle, more trombone.
Come on, Doyle, more tromb Oh yeah, I remember that.
Funderburk sneezed potatoes for a month.
You got to help me, Jack.
If I get expelled, I'll be home schooled.
Giving mother a wedgie is awkward for both of us.
Come to think of it, this would be the first prank you committed that you didn't take credit for.
Because I didn't do it.
I was at the Black Dragon Dojo when it happened.
Well, then you couldn't have done it.
But I just have one more question.
Why is Milton making kissy faces with that duck? That dude needs a girlfriend fast.
Kickin' it with you! Okay, before we take a vote, does anybody have anything to say? I do! Frank is a liar.
Liar.
And his pants are indeed on fire.
Noted.
Now let's take a vote.
All council members in favor of expelling Frank say "aye".
Aye.
- All those opposed say "nay".
- Nay.
Yes! It's unanimous! All thanks to me, Frank Bickel is I'm sorry? Did you just nay me? I believe that Frank is innocent.
I just got hit with a shoe.
This is unacceptable.
Jack is entitled to express his opinion no matter how unpopular it is! You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Do you ever feel like you're totally alone floating on a raft in the middle of a sea of hate? Usually.
Why do you ask? No reason.
You don't have any lunch.
How do you eat? By making kids so mad they throw food at me.
Check it.
Hey, Marty! I like your sneakers.
Does your sister know you're wearing them? Meatloaf, nice.
Hey, Jack.
I don't know if you heard, but we're having another vote on Frank's expulsion tomorrow.
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm not changing my mind.
You don't have to.
You're fired.
What?! You picked me as Vice President because I'm a strong, independent thinker who will always do what's right.
I picked you because you were nice eye-candy for the campaign poster.
I feel so used! Jack, you told me I could make a difference and now you're standing in my way.
I will be remembered as the President who got Frank kicked out of school.
Wow, if she could do that, she would be very popular, Jack.
Frank.
Kim, I really believe Frank is innocent.
Funderburk said he saw Arlo in his cage at 4:00.
And Bert said the cage was empty at 6:00.
So? So Frank couldn't have done it.
He was at the Black Dragons dojo at that time.
Really, Jack? My brother's a black dragon and they've been closed all week for fumigation.
Wow, Jack.
Your new friend Frank turns out to be a liar.
What a shock.
Let's go, Erica.
Oh, hey, Milton.
Did you take Louie back to his family? Absolutely.
I'm proud of you.
See, Jerry, he did the right thing.
Whoa whoa.
What's going on there? I think I'm having a reaction to some Bad jambalaya.
Aah! Dude, I am never eating jambalaya.
It's Louie! - Dude.
- You didn't take him back? I tried.
I couldn't.
This little featherly fella just quacked his way into my heart.
Well, now we gotta figure out what to do.
Got it! Put pants on him and raise him as a human.
No.
His flock already left the park.
If he doesn't join them, he's never gonna see them again.
Dude, what are we supposed to do? Grow wings, fly up in the air and reunite him with his family? What? This is Mama Bird.
I see Louie's flock up ahead.
It won't be long now, Louie.
Be advised, Fred the barber is on the roof sunbathing in his underpants.
Jack! Sorry I lied about being in the dojo.
I couldn't tell you the truth because I was embarrassed.
You, embarrassed? Last week you wore your underpants outside your jeans.
I thought it made me look like a superhero.
If I tell you where I was, promise you won't laugh? Yes, of course.
You said you wouldn't laugh.
Well, I didn't know you flounced around in tights.
I don't flounce, Jack.
I jete.
I jete! All right, I don't blame you for lying.
Hey, don't cross this tape.
I don't want you getting your footprints all over my freshly waxed floors.
Sorry, Bert.
- Do you wax every day? - No, not every day.
Maybe if I'm gonna hit the beach, strut around in my mankini, then I might I was asking about the floors.
Yeah.
Every day.
This is Mama Bird.
I'm about 50 yards away from Louie's flock.
Roger that, good buddy.
This is Swag Ranger.
I'm sitting in the hen house with the pole cat, over.
Would you stop using those stupid nicknames? Mama Bird, this is Flash Starblazer.
Hit me back with a, uh Status update.
Louie's rejoining his flock.
That's it, Louie.
Follow the lead bird.
Mission complete.
He's back with his family.
- Aw, sweet! - Yeah! Great work, Mama Bird.
Ah Come on home.
Oh, no.
Oh, no no.
The whole flock is following me.
They think I'm the lead bird! What? Where are you now? Uh, I'm right above the courtyard.
Really, Louie?! Any day we have to say good-bye to a student is a sad day.
Except when it's Frank.
Conga line! Woo! Okay.
Okay, council.
Come on, come on.
It's voting time.
All those in favor of expelling Frank Bickel from Seaford High, say - Nay! - Again with the nay-ing? Frank is innocent, and I can prove it.
Everyone, follow me.
Uh, Kim? What's he doing? Uh, excuse me?! I am the President and I did not approve Okay.
Following Jack approved.
All right, we know Arlo was taken between 4:00 and 6:00.
And every day at that same time, Bert waxes the floors.
So whoever put Arlo in Frank's locker would have left footprints.
But there weren't any, right, Bert? Not a one.
Floors were so clean you could eat off them.
Which I've done.
I like the lemony taste.
Yes, thank you, Bert.
Whoever did this would have to reach the locker without touching the stairs, or the floor.
Do you mind if I borrow this? Say Arlo is this book.
So with Arlo in a backpack, our thief may have done something Like this.
Okay.
Wow! It was you, Jack.
You set me up just so you could defend me so you could prove your own guilt.
What kind of sick game are you playing? It wasn't me, Frank.
It was Erica.
What?! Jack, you are just being crazy now.
Kim, can we just get on with the vote? All those in favor? Wait a minute.
Erica, Jack does have a point.
You are the only one in school that can do what Jack just did.
Kim, don't tell me you're buying this.
I mean, this is crazy.
You know, what's crazy is that there's a size four precision balance gymnastics shoe print up here.
Well that's up there You see, sometimes what happens Every once in awhile there's Okay, I did it! For three years, Frank has ruined every one of my dances! Dirt bombs from the ceiling, frogs in the punch bowl.
Oh, man.
I thought those were gummy frogs.
Erica, you're in big trouble.
Take her to my office.
I just wanted the entire school to remember one perfect night put on by me Erica Straffman! Keep it moving, streetcar.
I told you I didn't do it.
Because I was doing ballet.
That's right.
I'm not gonna hide who I am anymore.
I'm a dancer! So am I, Frank.
So am I.
Kim, I gotta hand it to you.
When I was up there, I never even noticed that shoe print.
It's because there wasn't one.
After you put it all together, I knew you were right.
I just wanted to make her admit it.
That's pretty slick, Kim.
I should have known you wouldn't have stood up against the whole school unless you really believed Frank was innocent.
That's the kind of guts I'd like to see in my Vice President.
- So I'm back? - Yeah.
I mean, we look great on a poster.
Except that one.
I kinda feel bad for doing that now.
Those duck's aren't leaving without you, they think you're their mother.
Leave me alone! I'm not ready to be a mom! I'll see you later.
I'm going to the movies.
Rudy, you can't go out there with that sandwich.
Oh please.
They're ducks.
You just gotta show them who's boss.