Legacies (2018) s03e07 Episode Script
Yup, It's a Leprechaun, All Right
1
I know a lot of things
have changed around here lately,
but in my opinion,
that's a sign of growth.
And despite our growing pains, I like to think our student body has never been more united.
(QUIETLY): There's, like, nine of us here.
Which means your voice carries, Hope.
But despite our spotty assembly attendance, which I will address, we now have 30 students enrolled.
Which officially makes us a school in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
And, more than that, a home! And-and more to that, uh, sense of community I give you Elizabeth Saltzman.
(CLEARS THROAT) (CLAPPING) I know I'm not the only one who misses the way things used to be around here.
That doesn't mean that our way of life needs to change.
The simple math is fewer students equals less tuition.
Which is why the smoothie bar has been shuttered, the pool closed, and all of our dances and trips have been canceled.
But I have a way to turn that all around, with your help.
Our first hopefully last Salvatore School Fundraiser Month.
(ALARIC CLAPPING) Over the next four weeks, we will be hosting a series of events.
A car wash, a bake sale.
And I am well aware that that is only two ideas, so any recommendations are welcome.
That's the spirit, Cleo.
Hope and I can make art and host an auction.
Um, mm, I retract that offer.
Too late.
Art auction approved.
Now, if some of our more tenured students could follow your example, we'll have this place back to normal in no time.
JOSIE: Sorry to interrupt.
I was on my way to school and you need to sign for this.
- What is it? - Something from Town Hall.
Thank you.
It's a property tax lien.
That we have seven days to pay?! (HUSHED MURMURING) How much? It's $91,000.
Or the bank gets the school.
Over my dead body.
Screw Fundraiser Month.
Welcome to Fundraiser Day.
We're gonna do all of it at once, right now.
What are you staring at? Let's go.
Ah.
You look Frustrated? Annoyed? Like a complete and abject failure? I was going to say "nice," with your hair like that.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
My official stance is that I'm mad at you for making me do this.
I am not making you do anything.
We are helping the school.
Well, I'm gonna have to find some other way.
I'm blocked.
I've got nothing.
(SCOFFS) Come on.
All art has something beautiful in it.
Oh, okay.
I didn't think it was that bad.
It is very technically proficient, it just feels a little soulless.
No need to spare my feelings.
I did not think a tribrid would be so sensitive.
Usually I'm not.
But I haven't made anything good since Landon died, and my only hope of finding him was destroyed.
I'm sorry.
I have been blocked before, too, and it also came after a devastating loss.
What did you do to break out of it? Something drastic.
The day we met, you told me you did not know how to move on from Landon's death.
I have an idea that may help.
Let me guess.
It's drastic.
I hate everything about this.
Me, too.
You know, we really gotta up your tie game, Doc.
And don't-don't get me started on these shoes.
I know why I'm suffering like this, but why are you all dressed up? I heard you were going to the bank.
I want in.
(SCOFFS) No offense, but you're a teenager.
Not exactly the ideal candidate for a loan.
Uh, a teenage vampire, who told you I wanted you to be able to rely on me.
Remember? So I'm thinking zero-percent interest over a thousand years.
Using compulsion to get money would be theft, and unethical.
(SCOFFS): You think a bank doesn't use every power at their disposal to take more than their fair share? Come on, Doc, we gotta fight fire with fire.
And burn everything down in the process? If that's what it takes.
(CHUCKLES) This is a human problem, Kaleb.
One, admittedly, I got us into when I let things fall to the wayside while searching for Landon, so I will solve this in my own human way.
But if you are serious about taking on more responsibility around here Dead serious.
Supervise the fundraiser while I'm gone.
I don't want anyone using their power around the public, or hatching supernatural solutions to this mess, either.
So you just want me to stop everyone from doing exactly what I wanted to do.
Exactly.
ALYSSA: Hey, what's up? I wasn't expecting to hear from you.
So you didn't drop the illusion spell? Because something's wrong with it.
And if anyone finds out Which is why I can't come to the magic mirror right now.
Leave a message, unless this is Milton Greasley.
I'm over this phone tag.
I'm not taking you back, stalker.
- (SIGHS) - (KNOCK ON DOOR) Lizzie! I am getting ready.
Can you give me a minute? Oh, I already gave you one of those.
In fact, it's actually been 34 minutes, since you missed morning assembly.
No.
I'm saying no now, remember? I felt like sleeping in today, and this is not a good time.
Do I need to remind you what you missed out on the last time that you said no to me? Once again, no, I remember that pretty vividly.
I'll bet you do.
And unfortunately, this ask is far less exciting than sex.
And today, I am not taking no for an answer.
Then yes.
Yes, yes to whatever it is.
Now leave, so a man can get dressed in peace.
Speaking of What the hell is this? Uh, your assignment for Fundraiser Day.
Don't miss assembly next time.
Dude, do not do my baby like that.
And watch the rough side of the sponge.
Sponges don't have rough sides, you Good, honest friend, who would never hook up with another man's girl.
- That - Keep scrubbing.
- All right.
- Well, this is a disaster.
I know.
He's gonna leave streaks all over my car.
I'm talking about Fundraiser Day.
No one is here! (BIRD SQUAWKS) Uh what you want me to do about it, Lizzie? Two hours isn't much time to get a whole marketing campaign dialed in.
Mmm.
Okay, this isn't working.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
What's your plan? I'm gonna go and get my grimoire.
There are some old, Salem-era spells for dispersing angry mobs.
I'm gonna try and figure out if I can reverse one of them and draw people here.
No.
Your dad said no magic, and I promised him that I'd make sure of that.
Okay.
And since when do you and him agree on that subject? We don't.
But he's never gonna see that he's wrong until we do it his way and let it all burn (RICH LAUGHTER ECHOING) Knock it off, Lizzie.
I'm serious.
I didn't do that.
I swear.
I need to find out who did.
I know you said this is a drastic solution, but you cannot expect me to paint with my dead boyfriend's remains.
No, I expect you to give him life again in the only way you can now, with your art.
If that's your solution, no thanks, I'll find another way.
Is having him on your nightstand forever the solution? No, it's not.
You cannot move on from grief if you are still holding onto it.
Let me help.
Maybe I'm looking for a bit of suffering Leave a little time to feel the cracks Maybe it'll hit when we're all alone again Thinking about what we used to have I know what I say To get you to stay the night Sleeping by your side like the old times But it's better for me if I set you free To decide Either way, we're gonna be all right, all right, yeah No one knows about tomorrow But I know that I'll be waiting for you still So I'll let you go to fill the void You're trying to fill If you're meant to come back to me you will.
(MISCHIEVOUS CHUCKLING) Hey.
(GROWLING) (SPEAKS GIBBERISH) Oh, top o' the morning to ya.
Apparently, the pot of gold in most leprechaun myths isn't literal, so it isn't our lucky day.
Yeah, well, his, either soon as Hope finds out about this, she's gonna want to cut off his lucky charms.
(JINGLING) What the hell? (SNIFFS, GROWLS) No! Those are mine.
No, no, don't What? (RETCHING) (BELCHES, SLURPS) (GROANS) You nasty.
- (CACKLES) - (SIGHS) - Guess now we know what he eats.
- It makes sense.
It says here leprechauns' powers include being attracted to wealth and attracting wealth.
(LAUGHING) Their mere presence will entice humans into spending indiscriminately, which early supernatural-run casinos used to great effect! Blah, blah, history, blah.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That you forgot your dad said we can't use supernatural powers? Well, that's the beauty of the situation.
We aren't.
He is.
(GROWLS) Classic loophole.
Yeah, and how do those generally work out for us, Lizzie? It's different this time, okay? We have the luck of the Irish.
Plus it's a win-win-win, okay? You can prove my dad wrong about not using powers while still following his stupid rules.
And we can save the school in the process.
(GROWLS) Did you hear something? (SIGHS) Like I've been telling all of the vampires and the werewolves at this school, I don't have supernatural hearing 'cause I'm a freaking fairy.
- Oh.
- (EXHALES) Sorry, man.
That was a surprisingly deep resentment I've obviously been repressing.
Why? What did you hear? Cars.
Voices.
Lots of them.
If you build it, they will come.
Okay, fire up the hose, Wade.
Put the kitchen on high alert.
Tell Hope and Cleo to start cranking out that art.
We're in business, baby.
LIZZIE: Welcome, wealthy, generous townspeople.
- (CROWD CLAMORING) - All right, I have $1,000.
Can I get $1,200? (INDISTINCT SHOUTING, CLAMORING) Corner to corner Mentions I'm the owner R-A in the driveway Pill off and I want her Honey doing 360 Showing off I'm gonna Nice lips, big kips Giving I bone her, beans Raddle, pop ray when I travel Turn it up then I burn it up You-you my shadow, my leisure The proves, Supia I never lose Two boats, three machines Lambos, pick the shoes We talking big money, money No money ain't a pride, we talking big money, money No money ain't a pride We talking big money, big, big money This is taking forever.
The flour! MG, are you okay?! Not really.
I know this may be hard to believe, but it's going even worse than it looks.
Did Lizzie put you up to this? Yeah, man! At first, it was chill, but then the bake sale just turned up.
People can't get enough of my cookies.
And I literally cannot make them fast enough.
Well, that's good, right? It means we're making money.
In theory, but unlike me, this oven has no vamp speed.
I can't be here all day because I have some something to-to-to take care of.
That's unnecessarily mysterious.
But you won't be here all day.
Because I'm gonna help you.
I just need to be at Mystic Falls High by lunch.
For something.
That's also unnecessarily mysterious.
You sure you want to cut class? You sure you can do this without me? It is stunning.
Now I know you were lying.
You must have taken a sculpting class.
No, not before today.
But I had a great teacher.
I am pretty great.
Mm-hmm.
I'll warm up the kiln.
Oh, no, that's okay.
Incendia.
CLEO: He is beautiful.
I didn't even do him justice.
CLEO: "Luctus.
" What does it mean? That it's time to let him go.
(DOOR OPENS) WOMAN: I'll take it.
He looks absolutely delicious.
- How did you get in here? - Who is he? Someone I miss very much.
He'll be right in my foyer if you ever want to come and visit.
How much? It's not for sale.
This is happening really fast.
Everything has its price.
It is $91,000.
Done.
This money will save the school, Hope.
This is good.
This is letting go.
Sorry.
I can't.
WOMAN: I won't take no for an answer.
I simply have to have it.
No, what you have to do is leave.
Uh (SCREAMS) KALEB: We're gonna get this bill paid off in no time.
Why stop there? There are so many things at this school that need to go back to the way they were.
Like what, exactly? The smoothie bar.
That student spa we've always dreamed of.
Okay, I've always dreamed of.
But we're on a hot streak, okay? There is no way I'm pulling the plug until we fix everything.
Okay, I will unless you tell Hope HOPE: Tell me what? Just that another Lizzie Saltzman-planned event has blossomed into a smashing success.
Speaking of smashing, um, some woman just tried to shank me for not selling her my art.
That sounds like a tough negotiation.
Not really.
She was willing to give us the $91,000.
Wow, I had no idea that Hope was so talented.
I'm sure it was an isolated incident.
So back to making art.
You're not pissed at me for turning down that much money? Now you must be up to something.
Let go of me! Those snickerdoodles are mine! - (SHOUTING AND CLAMORING) - What did you say? Two isolated incidents.
Get ready for a third unless you tell me what's going on.
Is that what I think it is? (GRUMBLING) Yep.
It's a leprechaun, all right.
Don't worry, he's harmless.
Though he does make people act a little wacky.
That's not what I mean it's a monster.
A Malivore monster.
Yeah, that's making us rich.
So what's the problem? The problem is that it's here, which means a portal to the prison world must be open.
(LEPRECHAUN LAUGHING) LIZZIE: Oh, yeah, that.
(CACKLING) How could you? How could you keep a Malivore monster a secret from me? I'm sorry.
Did I miss that wee-little badge he's wearing that says, "Hi, Malivore sent me"? I'm serious, Lizzie.
So am I, Hope! Our school is in trouble.
So forgive me for prioritizing that over your emotional needs for once.
My emotional needs? My emotional needs?! (LIZZIE AND HOPE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) So you regretting enrolling here yet? That depends what exactly should I know about Malivore? Short version he's a super old mud dude who ate a bunch of monsters back in the day, and keeps them trapped inside of him like it's another dimension.
But we we took care of it, it's cool now.
He's locked in a prison world.
What exactly should I know about prison worlds? Well, you know how prisons are messed up (SHOUTING STOPS) What happened? They stopped screaming.
We like that, right? (CRASHING) - LIZZIE: Hope, wait! - No.
Hey, hey, hey, I know we've all thought about it, - but don't kill Lizzie.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
Okay, what if he was just some random monster who happened to walk by right when we needed him? When have we ever been that lucky? That's not a pun.
Okay.
Ladies, the leprechaun's making everyone a little wacky.
How about we all just take a second to breathe? BOTH: Not now, Kaleb! Okay, I'll leave.
But not until you tell me your plan for that axe.
My plan is what yours should've been all along.
To get answers out of that thing and then kill it.
So I suggest that you two shut down Fundraiser Day, unless you want to tell all those people out there that that's a leprechaun screaming.
Any objections? Then that's the only good decision that you've made all day.
So what are we doing here exactly? Um, maybe if you told me what we were looking for, we could pick up the pace a little.
I'm moving as fast as I can.
Yeah, cool, it's just that, you know, I have this thing and I'm pretty sure you had a thing, which remains unnecessarily mysterious to me.
I have a study date at lunch with my new lab partner, Finch.
Oh, that's why you're all dressed up.
I'm sure it's not as big a deal as I'm making it.
There's Herba fermentum here somewhere.
And it's a leavening accelerant.
Which, if you put it in your dough, it'll bake in half the time.
That sounds perfect.
You wouldn't happen to know of a weed that would help with, I don't know illusion spells? Mm, not off the top of my head.
Why? Bingo! I think this is it.
Maybe it's this one.
They both look the same to me.
My Botanical Arcanum's rusty, but I know the one that we want tastes like cinnamon and the lower school has access to this part of the garden, which means nothing's dangerous, so pick one.
This one.
It doesn't taste like cinnamon.
If anything, it's minty.
And honestly, there's no need to rush.
My study date isn't a real date, right? Because I am not ready for that.
Okay.
This this took a turn.
And I don't know why Lizzie put you in charge of baking when you're not any good at it.
MG I am so sorry.
It's okay.
I think that's the weed talking.
Blue Calamus.
Truth weed.
- (SIGHS) - Ooh.
Yeah.
Mystic Falls Bank, may I help you? WOMAN: Alaric Saltzman? Vera Lilien.
Thank you so much for meeting me.
Lilien That name sounds so familiar.
Oh, you're Dana's mom.
Mm-hmm.
I am so sorry for your tragic and unexpected loss.
You know, I've always said that mountain lions are a real problem around here.
And you are Lizzie's father.
Hmm.
Well, it appears the rotten apple falls farther from the tall, virile tree than I thought.
(EXHALES) Don't you and your husband work at the pharmacy? Dana's death was quite the blow.
Her father and I split recently.
Mm-hmm.
Come with me.
WADE: Help! - (WILD SHOUTING) - Help! (POUNDING ON DOOR) What the hell, Wade? The townies have lost their minds and there's not enough Wade to go around.
Can you use your vamp strength and help a brother out, please? Take my money.
Take my money, please! Okay, I got this.
You go get a shower and find a new shirt.
Fundraiser Day is cancelled.
(TAPPING, POUNDING) Hey! Quit pounding.
I'm coming out.
LIZZIE: Wait! Before you compel everyone to leave, I want to sell some of my old stuff.
For crazy prices? Whatever the market will bear.
Hope's right, Lizzie.
We-we gotta stop this.
Look, we already have the money we need.
For the last time smoothie bar! Great.
Now you're acting crazy too.
What is the point of trying to save our home if it doesn't even feel like home anymore? Oh, that's right.
I'm asking the wrong person, because you just want to watch it all burn.
Lizzie, when I say that, I don't mean I want to see this place go up in literal flames.
It means taking a chance to start over and make this place even better than it was.
(MUFFLED SHOUTING) Open the door, Kaleb.
Did you not hear what I just said? Every word.
This was my idea so it's my responsibility to shut it down.
(GUTTURAL SCREAMING) My God, you are torturing it.
Relax.
It's not what it seems.
Maybe not to you.
I suppose everyone around here thinks killing monsters is normal.
But to me, every creature supernatural, human or otherwise deserves to be treated with respect.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) See? He's fine.
Like I'm trying to tell you, I'm not torturing him.
I will believe you when you drop the axe.
My translation spells are not working on him, so if we're lucky, he will lead me straight to whatever portal he came out of.
(GROWLS SOFTLY) What are you doing? Letting him go.
Fly free, little butterfly.
(GRUNTS) HOPE: None of this would be necessary if Alyssa Chang hadn't broken the ascendant.
If my time at the Salvatore School has taught me anything when in doubt, do a locator spell.
Sequitur.
CLEO: How do you know the leprechaun will lead us back to the portal? Because that's the way it's always been.
After he gets what he wants.
Wait.
He wants something? Malivore monsters always want something.
If he can reach our world as a monster, then I imagine I can reach his the same way.
Why would you want to do something so drastic? (SIGHS) Landon.
I knew when I couldn't sell his bust that I'm not ready to let him go.
I can't rule out that he's not in Malivore, not without going there first.
And I can only do that through the prison world, with this thing called an ascendant, which got destroyed.
But if I can just find the portal Hope, I understand you are grieving, but why would Landon be in Malivore? He's not a monster.
Well, he's a Phoenix.
Was a Phoenix.
And I might have neglected to mention that Malivore's his dad.
I know that this is all really overwhelming.
You don't have to help if you don't want to.
What are friends for? Lizzie and Kaleb said leprechauns are attracted to wealth, right? VERA: This is a lot of money.
Not many people would be willing to assume so much personal debt in order to save a failing business.
It's more than a business it's our school.
Our home.
So I'm willing to take the risk.
I'm not.
Your application is denied.
Why? Because of some old grudge between our daughters? The simple fact is, you don't qualify.
And to be perfectly honest, your desperation and sincerity have significantly dampened any joy I expected to feel.
Ms.
Lilien, there has to be something I can do.
I suppose I could accept a unique form of collateral.
So long as it's substantial.
(WHISPERS): Are you propositioning me? No.
I'm just giving us both what we need.
It's been a little lonely since my marriage ended.
Just think of the children, Dr.
Saltzman.
("WHITE RABBIT" BY JEFFERSON AIRPLANE PLAYS SOFTLY) MG: We should, um we should get going.
I thought we both had places to be.
There's no point.
I'm already late, and even entertaining the thought of dating Finch is just it's a bad idea.
Why would you say that? I mean, besides being hopped up off truth weed.
Because the people I love always leave.
Or hurt me.
Or both.
(EXHALES) All right.
Maybe this is bad advice, coming from someone who's just been dumped and cheated on, but you can't let that stop you.
Believe me, I don't want to.
'Cause repressing things has taken me to a super dark place.
And here's the truth: I'm scared.
And I totally understand that.
But you can't let fear stop you from being honest with the people you care about.
Damn.
(SOFT CHUCKLE) I gotta go.
Why? Where? To take my own advice.
Maybe because of a contact high.
Thanks, Jo.
Now get to that study date or whatever.
VERA: I don't understand why getting to this point has been so hard.
Here, let me help you with that tie.
No.
Your application has also been denied, Ms.
Lilien.
- Call me Vera.
(GASPS) - Vera.
I got my students into this mess, and I wanted to show them that I could fix things the right way, and this is not the right way.
- Ms.
Lilien.
- (ALARIC GASPS) An armored truck's been stolen.
And I don't know if I'm seeing things, but it looked like a leprechaun.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (LAUGHING) He's in here, but - Why a parking garage? The leprechaun's attracted to wealth, so there may be a Lamborghini in here.
Should we split up? Or is that against monster-hunting rules? No, it's actually a great idea.
You're a monster hunter now? Were you a sculptor before this morning? Point taken.
Okay.
We'll split up, but we need him alive to bring us to the portal.
So if you run into any trouble, just scream.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS, INDISTINCT CHATTER) You know, if you're gonna cut class, coming to school kind of defeats the whole point.
Have you seen Finch? Everybody did.
She stormed out of the cafeteria earlier.
She seemed really upset.
(SIGHS) That's my fault.
I need to see her.
I want to see her.
There's something I really need to talk to her about.
She works at The Grill most nights.
I used to drop Maya off there sometimes.
I'll give you a ride.
But, like I used to tell my sister be careful with Finch.
There's something different about that one.
Thank you, Ethan.
But I don't intend to be careful at all.
ALYSSA: I said I didn't want to hear from you.
I know.
But this is an emergency.
Okay.
Your persistence has worn me down and after giving it a lot of thought Yes.
I'll totally take you back.
Yes! Wait, I don't even want that.
You cheated on me.
And you don't even go here anymore.
Then why are you wasting my time? - Look at this place.
- Mm.
Are you missing your little imaginary action figure? Too bad.
I don't do favors for exes, so I dropped that illusion spell like it was hot.
Fine, but did you have to make the thing inside the box disappear? I didn't, but I totally should have.
And just to be clear: I didn't want you back, either.
Goodbye forever, Milton Greasley.
Did you see it? - See what? - The leprechaun Kaleb and I caught.
That Hope, for some reason, set free.
That proceeded to eat all of the money we made today and ransacked the entire school, devouring expensive and occasionally supernatural artifacts.
Did you see it? No.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) You and that word! (CAR ALARM BLARING) (SEVERAL CAR ALARMS BLARING) Little green man, it is just you and me.
- (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - (ALARMS STOP) I will not hurt you.
(CLATTERING NEARBY) (CRIES OUT) Oh, Headmaster Saltzman.
- You scared me.
- Sorry, Cleo.
What are you doing here? Are you with Hope? We split up.
It is a long story, and probably one that will make you angry, from what I gather.
But we were looking for - A leprechaun.
- How did you know? Security guard at the bank saw it, along with something else he probably wished he hadn't.
(COIN JINGLES) - Above you! - (GROWLING) Get off me! (ALARIC CHOKING) Fo yato si.
(LEPRECHAUN GASPING) HOPE: Cleo, no! Take cover.
He's gonna blow.
(GRUNTING, GROWLING) You girls all right? Sorry I missed you earlier.
Hmm, have we met? 'Cause you remind me of this girl I was supposed to study with over lunch who should have just told me she wasn't interested.
But I am interested.
I wanted to see you so bad it freaked me out.
And then I got mixed up in this weed.
Wait.
Are you seriously high right now? Soaring.
But it's not what you think.
Cool.
Because I don't touch the stuff.
Why are you here, Jo? I want to get to know you better, but I have no idea how.
And I have all of this baggage, and I just don't want to mess it up.
Well, standing me up is definitely a weird way to show that.
Even if it was just a study date.
But it wasn't just a study date, right? So let's go on a real date if you can give me another chance.
I wasn't looking for another But I can't Help but wonder I work doubles on the weekend.
It was a one-way track Why don't you love me back? Why'd your temptation But I'm sure we can find a time while I drive you home.
You thought you could fill the gaps Thought I would run right back Hop on.
I didn't pick this mess I wouldn't choose One-way track Love me back - To blame it on you.
- (ENGINE STARTS) So how did your day go? A leprechaun tried strangling me with that thing, so, you know, the usual.
Yeah, about that So I'm assuming Lizzie already told you everything? Yes.
That you had nothing to do with it, and you tried to do everything that I asked.
Huh.
That's unexpected, and not necessarily true.
She came up with the plan, but I went along with it.
Let my ego get in the way of what was best for the school, and now we're still deep in the red because of it.
But that loan came through, right? I wish I could tell you differently, but all I got from the bank was a harsh reminder that the human world is just as corrupt and flawed as the supernatural one, and proof that, uh, I still got it.
Whatever "it" is.
(LAUGHS) Okay.
(SIGHS) So what are we gonna do about the school, Doctor S? Fortunately, turns out that leprechaun had a pot of gold after all.
(HEAVY IRISH BROGUE): Or should I say a potbelly o' gold? I believe these are yours.
After we pay back the townies, we still have plenty to spare.
CLEO: I guess it is true, money cannot buy happiness, because you are clearly still mad at me.
I told you I wanted the leprechaun alive.
And the last thing I wanted to do was kill him.
But it was going to hurt Dr.
Saltzman, and I panicked.
I didn't know he was going to explode like that.
I understand.
Saving someone is more important than anything else.
That was meant to help you.
But it is not good enough because your obsession with Landon is all-consuming.
You do not have room in your life for anything else.
In the few days I have known you, you have not asked me a single thing about my life.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Earlier you mentioned that you had been blocked.
What happened? Something terrible.
It is why I hate violence.
My sisters were murdered.
I am the only one of us left.
That's awful, Cleo.
I have accepted that there was nothing I could do to save them.
I have figured out how to live without them, to move on.
Let me guess.
Now it's my turn? I thought that is what you wanted.
That was before I knew that there was a portal; a way that I might be able to reach Landon.
I'm not gonna stop until I've exhausted every possibility.
So you can take that bust away.
I'm gonna find the real him.
I see now that this will not end until you do.
MG: I've been looking for you everywhere.
And stop doing that.
This is my mess.
It's okay.
There's no "I" in mess.
And ignoring the fact that there is an "M" and an "E," I should help.
Did Josie give you one of them weird herbs from the garden? No.
Relying on the comforts of the past is a crutch.
I don't need drugs or smoothies.
Well, while we are out of our comfort zone, maybe you could help me with this whole other mess that I came to talk to you about.
But it's a big one.
Hit me with it.
Just promise me Just promise that you won't think less of me after I tell you.
That would be pretty hypocritical.
You've seen me at my worst, and always only ever thought the best of me, even when I didn't deserve it.
Let me return the favor.
It's about the ascendant.
The one that your backstabbing ex destroyed.
Sorry.
Leaving her in the past.
Continue.
What if I What if I told you that I actually had the ascendant this whole time? That-that I've been lying about it? I'd say that I would have done anything to help you.
Seriously.
But it's too late.
Why? How could you?
And despite our growing pains, I like to think our student body has never been more united.
(QUIETLY): There's, like, nine of us here.
Which means your voice carries, Hope.
But despite our spotty assembly attendance, which I will address, we now have 30 students enrolled.
Which officially makes us a school in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
And, more than that, a home! And-and more to that, uh, sense of community I give you Elizabeth Saltzman.
(CLEARS THROAT) (CLAPPING) I know I'm not the only one who misses the way things used to be around here.
That doesn't mean that our way of life needs to change.
The simple math is fewer students equals less tuition.
Which is why the smoothie bar has been shuttered, the pool closed, and all of our dances and trips have been canceled.
But I have a way to turn that all around, with your help.
Our first hopefully last Salvatore School Fundraiser Month.
(ALARIC CLAPPING) Over the next four weeks, we will be hosting a series of events.
A car wash, a bake sale.
And I am well aware that that is only two ideas, so any recommendations are welcome.
That's the spirit, Cleo.
Hope and I can make art and host an auction.
Um, mm, I retract that offer.
Too late.
Art auction approved.
Now, if some of our more tenured students could follow your example, we'll have this place back to normal in no time.
JOSIE: Sorry to interrupt.
I was on my way to school and you need to sign for this.
- What is it? - Something from Town Hall.
Thank you.
It's a property tax lien.
That we have seven days to pay?! (HUSHED MURMURING) How much? It's $91,000.
Or the bank gets the school.
Over my dead body.
Screw Fundraiser Month.
Welcome to Fundraiser Day.
We're gonna do all of it at once, right now.
What are you staring at? Let's go.
Ah.
You look Frustrated? Annoyed? Like a complete and abject failure? I was going to say "nice," with your hair like that.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
My official stance is that I'm mad at you for making me do this.
I am not making you do anything.
We are helping the school.
Well, I'm gonna have to find some other way.
I'm blocked.
I've got nothing.
(SCOFFS) Come on.
All art has something beautiful in it.
Oh, okay.
I didn't think it was that bad.
It is very technically proficient, it just feels a little soulless.
No need to spare my feelings.
I did not think a tribrid would be so sensitive.
Usually I'm not.
But I haven't made anything good since Landon died, and my only hope of finding him was destroyed.
I'm sorry.
I have been blocked before, too, and it also came after a devastating loss.
What did you do to break out of it? Something drastic.
The day we met, you told me you did not know how to move on from Landon's death.
I have an idea that may help.
Let me guess.
It's drastic.
I hate everything about this.
Me, too.
You know, we really gotta up your tie game, Doc.
And don't-don't get me started on these shoes.
I know why I'm suffering like this, but why are you all dressed up? I heard you were going to the bank.
I want in.
(SCOFFS) No offense, but you're a teenager.
Not exactly the ideal candidate for a loan.
Uh, a teenage vampire, who told you I wanted you to be able to rely on me.
Remember? So I'm thinking zero-percent interest over a thousand years.
Using compulsion to get money would be theft, and unethical.
(SCOFFS): You think a bank doesn't use every power at their disposal to take more than their fair share? Come on, Doc, we gotta fight fire with fire.
And burn everything down in the process? If that's what it takes.
(CHUCKLES) This is a human problem, Kaleb.
One, admittedly, I got us into when I let things fall to the wayside while searching for Landon, so I will solve this in my own human way.
But if you are serious about taking on more responsibility around here Dead serious.
Supervise the fundraiser while I'm gone.
I don't want anyone using their power around the public, or hatching supernatural solutions to this mess, either.
So you just want me to stop everyone from doing exactly what I wanted to do.
Exactly.
ALYSSA: Hey, what's up? I wasn't expecting to hear from you.
So you didn't drop the illusion spell? Because something's wrong with it.
And if anyone finds out Which is why I can't come to the magic mirror right now.
Leave a message, unless this is Milton Greasley.
I'm over this phone tag.
I'm not taking you back, stalker.
- (SIGHS) - (KNOCK ON DOOR) Lizzie! I am getting ready.
Can you give me a minute? Oh, I already gave you one of those.
In fact, it's actually been 34 minutes, since you missed morning assembly.
No.
I'm saying no now, remember? I felt like sleeping in today, and this is not a good time.
Do I need to remind you what you missed out on the last time that you said no to me? Once again, no, I remember that pretty vividly.
I'll bet you do.
And unfortunately, this ask is far less exciting than sex.
And today, I am not taking no for an answer.
Then yes.
Yes, yes to whatever it is.
Now leave, so a man can get dressed in peace.
Speaking of What the hell is this? Uh, your assignment for Fundraiser Day.
Don't miss assembly next time.
Dude, do not do my baby like that.
And watch the rough side of the sponge.
Sponges don't have rough sides, you Good, honest friend, who would never hook up with another man's girl.
- That - Keep scrubbing.
- All right.
- Well, this is a disaster.
I know.
He's gonna leave streaks all over my car.
I'm talking about Fundraiser Day.
No one is here! (BIRD SQUAWKS) Uh what you want me to do about it, Lizzie? Two hours isn't much time to get a whole marketing campaign dialed in.
Mmm.
Okay, this isn't working.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
What's your plan? I'm gonna go and get my grimoire.
There are some old, Salem-era spells for dispersing angry mobs.
I'm gonna try and figure out if I can reverse one of them and draw people here.
No.
Your dad said no magic, and I promised him that I'd make sure of that.
Okay.
And since when do you and him agree on that subject? We don't.
But he's never gonna see that he's wrong until we do it his way and let it all burn (RICH LAUGHTER ECHOING) Knock it off, Lizzie.
I'm serious.
I didn't do that.
I swear.
I need to find out who did.
I know you said this is a drastic solution, but you cannot expect me to paint with my dead boyfriend's remains.
No, I expect you to give him life again in the only way you can now, with your art.
If that's your solution, no thanks, I'll find another way.
Is having him on your nightstand forever the solution? No, it's not.
You cannot move on from grief if you are still holding onto it.
Let me help.
Maybe I'm looking for a bit of suffering Leave a little time to feel the cracks Maybe it'll hit when we're all alone again Thinking about what we used to have I know what I say To get you to stay the night Sleeping by your side like the old times But it's better for me if I set you free To decide Either way, we're gonna be all right, all right, yeah No one knows about tomorrow But I know that I'll be waiting for you still So I'll let you go to fill the void You're trying to fill If you're meant to come back to me you will.
(MISCHIEVOUS CHUCKLING) Hey.
(GROWLING) (SPEAKS GIBBERISH) Oh, top o' the morning to ya.
Apparently, the pot of gold in most leprechaun myths isn't literal, so it isn't our lucky day.
Yeah, well, his, either soon as Hope finds out about this, she's gonna want to cut off his lucky charms.
(JINGLING) What the hell? (SNIFFS, GROWLS) No! Those are mine.
No, no, don't What? (RETCHING) (BELCHES, SLURPS) (GROANS) You nasty.
- (CACKLES) - (SIGHS) - Guess now we know what he eats.
- It makes sense.
It says here leprechauns' powers include being attracted to wealth and attracting wealth.
(LAUGHING) Their mere presence will entice humans into spending indiscriminately, which early supernatural-run casinos used to great effect! Blah, blah, history, blah.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That you forgot your dad said we can't use supernatural powers? Well, that's the beauty of the situation.
We aren't.
He is.
(GROWLS) Classic loophole.
Yeah, and how do those generally work out for us, Lizzie? It's different this time, okay? We have the luck of the Irish.
Plus it's a win-win-win, okay? You can prove my dad wrong about not using powers while still following his stupid rules.
And we can save the school in the process.
(GROWLS) Did you hear something? (SIGHS) Like I've been telling all of the vampires and the werewolves at this school, I don't have supernatural hearing 'cause I'm a freaking fairy.
- Oh.
- (EXHALES) Sorry, man.
That was a surprisingly deep resentment I've obviously been repressing.
Why? What did you hear? Cars.
Voices.
Lots of them.
If you build it, they will come.
Okay, fire up the hose, Wade.
Put the kitchen on high alert.
Tell Hope and Cleo to start cranking out that art.
We're in business, baby.
LIZZIE: Welcome, wealthy, generous townspeople.
- (CROWD CLAMORING) - All right, I have $1,000.
Can I get $1,200? (INDISTINCT SHOUTING, CLAMORING) Corner to corner Mentions I'm the owner R-A in the driveway Pill off and I want her Honey doing 360 Showing off I'm gonna Nice lips, big kips Giving I bone her, beans Raddle, pop ray when I travel Turn it up then I burn it up You-you my shadow, my leisure The proves, Supia I never lose Two boats, three machines Lambos, pick the shoes We talking big money, money No money ain't a pride, we talking big money, money No money ain't a pride We talking big money, big, big money This is taking forever.
The flour! MG, are you okay?! Not really.
I know this may be hard to believe, but it's going even worse than it looks.
Did Lizzie put you up to this? Yeah, man! At first, it was chill, but then the bake sale just turned up.
People can't get enough of my cookies.
And I literally cannot make them fast enough.
Well, that's good, right? It means we're making money.
In theory, but unlike me, this oven has no vamp speed.
I can't be here all day because I have some something to-to-to take care of.
That's unnecessarily mysterious.
But you won't be here all day.
Because I'm gonna help you.
I just need to be at Mystic Falls High by lunch.
For something.
That's also unnecessarily mysterious.
You sure you want to cut class? You sure you can do this without me? It is stunning.
Now I know you were lying.
You must have taken a sculpting class.
No, not before today.
But I had a great teacher.
I am pretty great.
Mm-hmm.
I'll warm up the kiln.
Oh, no, that's okay.
Incendia.
CLEO: He is beautiful.
I didn't even do him justice.
CLEO: "Luctus.
" What does it mean? That it's time to let him go.
(DOOR OPENS) WOMAN: I'll take it.
He looks absolutely delicious.
- How did you get in here? - Who is he? Someone I miss very much.
He'll be right in my foyer if you ever want to come and visit.
How much? It's not for sale.
This is happening really fast.
Everything has its price.
It is $91,000.
Done.
This money will save the school, Hope.
This is good.
This is letting go.
Sorry.
I can't.
WOMAN: I won't take no for an answer.
I simply have to have it.
No, what you have to do is leave.
Uh (SCREAMS) KALEB: We're gonna get this bill paid off in no time.
Why stop there? There are so many things at this school that need to go back to the way they were.
Like what, exactly? The smoothie bar.
That student spa we've always dreamed of.
Okay, I've always dreamed of.
But we're on a hot streak, okay? There is no way I'm pulling the plug until we fix everything.
Okay, I will unless you tell Hope HOPE: Tell me what? Just that another Lizzie Saltzman-planned event has blossomed into a smashing success.
Speaking of smashing, um, some woman just tried to shank me for not selling her my art.
That sounds like a tough negotiation.
Not really.
She was willing to give us the $91,000.
Wow, I had no idea that Hope was so talented.
I'm sure it was an isolated incident.
So back to making art.
You're not pissed at me for turning down that much money? Now you must be up to something.
Let go of me! Those snickerdoodles are mine! - (SHOUTING AND CLAMORING) - What did you say? Two isolated incidents.
Get ready for a third unless you tell me what's going on.
Is that what I think it is? (GRUMBLING) Yep.
It's a leprechaun, all right.
Don't worry, he's harmless.
Though he does make people act a little wacky.
That's not what I mean it's a monster.
A Malivore monster.
Yeah, that's making us rich.
So what's the problem? The problem is that it's here, which means a portal to the prison world must be open.
(LEPRECHAUN LAUGHING) LIZZIE: Oh, yeah, that.
(CACKLING) How could you? How could you keep a Malivore monster a secret from me? I'm sorry.
Did I miss that wee-little badge he's wearing that says, "Hi, Malivore sent me"? I'm serious, Lizzie.
So am I, Hope! Our school is in trouble.
So forgive me for prioritizing that over your emotional needs for once.
My emotional needs? My emotional needs?! (LIZZIE AND HOPE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) So you regretting enrolling here yet? That depends what exactly should I know about Malivore? Short version he's a super old mud dude who ate a bunch of monsters back in the day, and keeps them trapped inside of him like it's another dimension.
But we we took care of it, it's cool now.
He's locked in a prison world.
What exactly should I know about prison worlds? Well, you know how prisons are messed up (SHOUTING STOPS) What happened? They stopped screaming.
We like that, right? (CRASHING) - LIZZIE: Hope, wait! - No.
Hey, hey, hey, I know we've all thought about it, - but don't kill Lizzie.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
Okay, what if he was just some random monster who happened to walk by right when we needed him? When have we ever been that lucky? That's not a pun.
Okay.
Ladies, the leprechaun's making everyone a little wacky.
How about we all just take a second to breathe? BOTH: Not now, Kaleb! Okay, I'll leave.
But not until you tell me your plan for that axe.
My plan is what yours should've been all along.
To get answers out of that thing and then kill it.
So I suggest that you two shut down Fundraiser Day, unless you want to tell all those people out there that that's a leprechaun screaming.
Any objections? Then that's the only good decision that you've made all day.
So what are we doing here exactly? Um, maybe if you told me what we were looking for, we could pick up the pace a little.
I'm moving as fast as I can.
Yeah, cool, it's just that, you know, I have this thing and I'm pretty sure you had a thing, which remains unnecessarily mysterious to me.
I have a study date at lunch with my new lab partner, Finch.
Oh, that's why you're all dressed up.
I'm sure it's not as big a deal as I'm making it.
There's Herba fermentum here somewhere.
And it's a leavening accelerant.
Which, if you put it in your dough, it'll bake in half the time.
That sounds perfect.
You wouldn't happen to know of a weed that would help with, I don't know illusion spells? Mm, not off the top of my head.
Why? Bingo! I think this is it.
Maybe it's this one.
They both look the same to me.
My Botanical Arcanum's rusty, but I know the one that we want tastes like cinnamon and the lower school has access to this part of the garden, which means nothing's dangerous, so pick one.
This one.
It doesn't taste like cinnamon.
If anything, it's minty.
And honestly, there's no need to rush.
My study date isn't a real date, right? Because I am not ready for that.
Okay.
This this took a turn.
And I don't know why Lizzie put you in charge of baking when you're not any good at it.
MG I am so sorry.
It's okay.
I think that's the weed talking.
Blue Calamus.
Truth weed.
- (SIGHS) - Ooh.
Yeah.
Mystic Falls Bank, may I help you? WOMAN: Alaric Saltzman? Vera Lilien.
Thank you so much for meeting me.
Lilien That name sounds so familiar.
Oh, you're Dana's mom.
Mm-hmm.
I am so sorry for your tragic and unexpected loss.
You know, I've always said that mountain lions are a real problem around here.
And you are Lizzie's father.
Hmm.
Well, it appears the rotten apple falls farther from the tall, virile tree than I thought.
(EXHALES) Don't you and your husband work at the pharmacy? Dana's death was quite the blow.
Her father and I split recently.
Mm-hmm.
Come with me.
WADE: Help! - (WILD SHOUTING) - Help! (POUNDING ON DOOR) What the hell, Wade? The townies have lost their minds and there's not enough Wade to go around.
Can you use your vamp strength and help a brother out, please? Take my money.
Take my money, please! Okay, I got this.
You go get a shower and find a new shirt.
Fundraiser Day is cancelled.
(TAPPING, POUNDING) Hey! Quit pounding.
I'm coming out.
LIZZIE: Wait! Before you compel everyone to leave, I want to sell some of my old stuff.
For crazy prices? Whatever the market will bear.
Hope's right, Lizzie.
We-we gotta stop this.
Look, we already have the money we need.
For the last time smoothie bar! Great.
Now you're acting crazy too.
What is the point of trying to save our home if it doesn't even feel like home anymore? Oh, that's right.
I'm asking the wrong person, because you just want to watch it all burn.
Lizzie, when I say that, I don't mean I want to see this place go up in literal flames.
It means taking a chance to start over and make this place even better than it was.
(MUFFLED SHOUTING) Open the door, Kaleb.
Did you not hear what I just said? Every word.
This was my idea so it's my responsibility to shut it down.
(GUTTURAL SCREAMING) My God, you are torturing it.
Relax.
It's not what it seems.
Maybe not to you.
I suppose everyone around here thinks killing monsters is normal.
But to me, every creature supernatural, human or otherwise deserves to be treated with respect.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) See? He's fine.
Like I'm trying to tell you, I'm not torturing him.
I will believe you when you drop the axe.
My translation spells are not working on him, so if we're lucky, he will lead me straight to whatever portal he came out of.
(GROWLS SOFTLY) What are you doing? Letting him go.
Fly free, little butterfly.
(GRUNTS) HOPE: None of this would be necessary if Alyssa Chang hadn't broken the ascendant.
If my time at the Salvatore School has taught me anything when in doubt, do a locator spell.
Sequitur.
CLEO: How do you know the leprechaun will lead us back to the portal? Because that's the way it's always been.
After he gets what he wants.
Wait.
He wants something? Malivore monsters always want something.
If he can reach our world as a monster, then I imagine I can reach his the same way.
Why would you want to do something so drastic? (SIGHS) Landon.
I knew when I couldn't sell his bust that I'm not ready to let him go.
I can't rule out that he's not in Malivore, not without going there first.
And I can only do that through the prison world, with this thing called an ascendant, which got destroyed.
But if I can just find the portal Hope, I understand you are grieving, but why would Landon be in Malivore? He's not a monster.
Well, he's a Phoenix.
Was a Phoenix.
And I might have neglected to mention that Malivore's his dad.
I know that this is all really overwhelming.
You don't have to help if you don't want to.
What are friends for? Lizzie and Kaleb said leprechauns are attracted to wealth, right? VERA: This is a lot of money.
Not many people would be willing to assume so much personal debt in order to save a failing business.
It's more than a business it's our school.
Our home.
So I'm willing to take the risk.
I'm not.
Your application is denied.
Why? Because of some old grudge between our daughters? The simple fact is, you don't qualify.
And to be perfectly honest, your desperation and sincerity have significantly dampened any joy I expected to feel.
Ms.
Lilien, there has to be something I can do.
I suppose I could accept a unique form of collateral.
So long as it's substantial.
(WHISPERS): Are you propositioning me? No.
I'm just giving us both what we need.
It's been a little lonely since my marriage ended.
Just think of the children, Dr.
Saltzman.
("WHITE RABBIT" BY JEFFERSON AIRPLANE PLAYS SOFTLY) MG: We should, um we should get going.
I thought we both had places to be.
There's no point.
I'm already late, and even entertaining the thought of dating Finch is just it's a bad idea.
Why would you say that? I mean, besides being hopped up off truth weed.
Because the people I love always leave.
Or hurt me.
Or both.
(EXHALES) All right.
Maybe this is bad advice, coming from someone who's just been dumped and cheated on, but you can't let that stop you.
Believe me, I don't want to.
'Cause repressing things has taken me to a super dark place.
And here's the truth: I'm scared.
And I totally understand that.
But you can't let fear stop you from being honest with the people you care about.
Damn.
(SOFT CHUCKLE) I gotta go.
Why? Where? To take my own advice.
Maybe because of a contact high.
Thanks, Jo.
Now get to that study date or whatever.
VERA: I don't understand why getting to this point has been so hard.
Here, let me help you with that tie.
No.
Your application has also been denied, Ms.
Lilien.
- Call me Vera.
(GASPS) - Vera.
I got my students into this mess, and I wanted to show them that I could fix things the right way, and this is not the right way.
- Ms.
Lilien.
- (ALARIC GASPS) An armored truck's been stolen.
And I don't know if I'm seeing things, but it looked like a leprechaun.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (LAUGHING) He's in here, but - Why a parking garage? The leprechaun's attracted to wealth, so there may be a Lamborghini in here.
Should we split up? Or is that against monster-hunting rules? No, it's actually a great idea.
You're a monster hunter now? Were you a sculptor before this morning? Point taken.
Okay.
We'll split up, but we need him alive to bring us to the portal.
So if you run into any trouble, just scream.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS, INDISTINCT CHATTER) You know, if you're gonna cut class, coming to school kind of defeats the whole point.
Have you seen Finch? Everybody did.
She stormed out of the cafeteria earlier.
She seemed really upset.
(SIGHS) That's my fault.
I need to see her.
I want to see her.
There's something I really need to talk to her about.
She works at The Grill most nights.
I used to drop Maya off there sometimes.
I'll give you a ride.
But, like I used to tell my sister be careful with Finch.
There's something different about that one.
Thank you, Ethan.
But I don't intend to be careful at all.
ALYSSA: I said I didn't want to hear from you.
I know.
But this is an emergency.
Okay.
Your persistence has worn me down and after giving it a lot of thought Yes.
I'll totally take you back.
Yes! Wait, I don't even want that.
You cheated on me.
And you don't even go here anymore.
Then why are you wasting my time? - Look at this place.
- Mm.
Are you missing your little imaginary action figure? Too bad.
I don't do favors for exes, so I dropped that illusion spell like it was hot.
Fine, but did you have to make the thing inside the box disappear? I didn't, but I totally should have.
And just to be clear: I didn't want you back, either.
Goodbye forever, Milton Greasley.
Did you see it? - See what? - The leprechaun Kaleb and I caught.
That Hope, for some reason, set free.
That proceeded to eat all of the money we made today and ransacked the entire school, devouring expensive and occasionally supernatural artifacts.
Did you see it? No.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) You and that word! (CAR ALARM BLARING) (SEVERAL CAR ALARMS BLARING) Little green man, it is just you and me.
- (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - (ALARMS STOP) I will not hurt you.
(CLATTERING NEARBY) (CRIES OUT) Oh, Headmaster Saltzman.
- You scared me.
- Sorry, Cleo.
What are you doing here? Are you with Hope? We split up.
It is a long story, and probably one that will make you angry, from what I gather.
But we were looking for - A leprechaun.
- How did you know? Security guard at the bank saw it, along with something else he probably wished he hadn't.
(COIN JINGLES) - Above you! - (GROWLING) Get off me! (ALARIC CHOKING) Fo yato si.
(LEPRECHAUN GASPING) HOPE: Cleo, no! Take cover.
He's gonna blow.
(GRUNTING, GROWLING) You girls all right? Sorry I missed you earlier.
Hmm, have we met? 'Cause you remind me of this girl I was supposed to study with over lunch who should have just told me she wasn't interested.
But I am interested.
I wanted to see you so bad it freaked me out.
And then I got mixed up in this weed.
Wait.
Are you seriously high right now? Soaring.
But it's not what you think.
Cool.
Because I don't touch the stuff.
Why are you here, Jo? I want to get to know you better, but I have no idea how.
And I have all of this baggage, and I just don't want to mess it up.
Well, standing me up is definitely a weird way to show that.
Even if it was just a study date.
But it wasn't just a study date, right? So let's go on a real date if you can give me another chance.
I wasn't looking for another But I can't Help but wonder I work doubles on the weekend.
It was a one-way track Why don't you love me back? Why'd your temptation But I'm sure we can find a time while I drive you home.
You thought you could fill the gaps Thought I would run right back Hop on.
I didn't pick this mess I wouldn't choose One-way track Love me back - To blame it on you.
- (ENGINE STARTS) So how did your day go? A leprechaun tried strangling me with that thing, so, you know, the usual.
Yeah, about that So I'm assuming Lizzie already told you everything? Yes.
That you had nothing to do with it, and you tried to do everything that I asked.
Huh.
That's unexpected, and not necessarily true.
She came up with the plan, but I went along with it.
Let my ego get in the way of what was best for the school, and now we're still deep in the red because of it.
But that loan came through, right? I wish I could tell you differently, but all I got from the bank was a harsh reminder that the human world is just as corrupt and flawed as the supernatural one, and proof that, uh, I still got it.
Whatever "it" is.
(LAUGHS) Okay.
(SIGHS) So what are we gonna do about the school, Doctor S? Fortunately, turns out that leprechaun had a pot of gold after all.
(HEAVY IRISH BROGUE): Or should I say a potbelly o' gold? I believe these are yours.
After we pay back the townies, we still have plenty to spare.
CLEO: I guess it is true, money cannot buy happiness, because you are clearly still mad at me.
I told you I wanted the leprechaun alive.
And the last thing I wanted to do was kill him.
But it was going to hurt Dr.
Saltzman, and I panicked.
I didn't know he was going to explode like that.
I understand.
Saving someone is more important than anything else.
That was meant to help you.
But it is not good enough because your obsession with Landon is all-consuming.
You do not have room in your life for anything else.
In the few days I have known you, you have not asked me a single thing about my life.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Earlier you mentioned that you had been blocked.
What happened? Something terrible.
It is why I hate violence.
My sisters were murdered.
I am the only one of us left.
That's awful, Cleo.
I have accepted that there was nothing I could do to save them.
I have figured out how to live without them, to move on.
Let me guess.
Now it's my turn? I thought that is what you wanted.
That was before I knew that there was a portal; a way that I might be able to reach Landon.
I'm not gonna stop until I've exhausted every possibility.
So you can take that bust away.
I'm gonna find the real him.
I see now that this will not end until you do.
MG: I've been looking for you everywhere.
And stop doing that.
This is my mess.
It's okay.
There's no "I" in mess.
And ignoring the fact that there is an "M" and an "E," I should help.
Did Josie give you one of them weird herbs from the garden? No.
Relying on the comforts of the past is a crutch.
I don't need drugs or smoothies.
Well, while we are out of our comfort zone, maybe you could help me with this whole other mess that I came to talk to you about.
But it's a big one.
Hit me with it.
Just promise me Just promise that you won't think less of me after I tell you.
That would be pretty hypocritical.
You've seen me at my worst, and always only ever thought the best of me, even when I didn't deserve it.
Let me return the favor.
It's about the ascendant.
The one that your backstabbing ex destroyed.
Sorry.
Leaving her in the past.
Continue.
What if I What if I told you that I actually had the ascendant this whole time? That-that I've been lying about it? I'd say that I would have done anything to help you.
Seriously.
But it's too late.
Why? How could you?