Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s03e07 Episode Script

Previously on Lois and Clark: Will you marry me? Who's asking? Clark or Superman? No.
I mean, I can't yet.
Please, don't shut me out of your life.
You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you.
It's because I'm completely in love with you.
-Did we just make up? -I think so.
Something about you always made sense to me.
That's what you and I together are all about: taking a chance.
-Welcome back, Lois.
-How are you? -Pretty? -Pretty.
oh, sorry.
-I thought you said I could count on you.
-You can.
-Tell me this is going to work.
-It's going to work.
-Tell me why.
-We're Newtriches.
-Which means? -We live by our code, go our way -and don't take any crap from anybody.
-And? And we have a Red Kryptonite laser.
-Which will? -Which will make Superman apathetic.
-So we? -So we can be rich beyond our dreams spend money like wild baboons and get back at every creep -who was mean to us in high school.
-Mean to you.
-I was very-- -You were very popular and well-liked.
I'm sorry, I always mess up that part.
Hey.
-How about dinner tonight? -Sure.
As long as it's not Chinese.
Been in kind of a rut lately.
I think I've had my life's quota of soy sauce.
I wouldn't take you to Paris for Chinese.
Paris? There's a kid trapped in the well at Metropolis Park.
-Lois.
Clark.
-on it.
-And your wife called, chief.
-All right.
Call her back for me.
Tell her it looks like it's gonna be another late one.
See you there.
Don't shoot till I tell you, Nell.
-ls he all right? -Fine.
But his batteries are a bit run down.
That is the sickest, most disgusting thing.
Fire.
I cannot believe that-- Get down.
Go! Go! Hey.
Idiot.
Moron.
Cretin.
-I burnt my hand.
-Hypochondriac.
-Are you all right? -What? Yeah, I feel a little dizzy.
What happened? -Somebody shot us with a red beam.
-Well, go get them.
What is it? I think they went this way.
What is it? -I can't fly.
-What? No x-ray vision, no super hearing, nothing.
-Clark.
-How do you feel? Fine.
oh, boy.
Do you feel different? Yeah.
Yeah, I'd say I feel different.
okay.
Let's just stay calm.
okay.
oh, God! oh, God.
What's happening? I think we know exactly what's happening.
The question is, how? Let's just go back out there and see if we can find some clues.
Good.
Good.
Good.
Clues, right.
Clues-- Clues I can handle.
"l can handle it," you said.
"l won't screw up," you said.
"This time it's going to be different," you said.
It's me.
I'm the idiot.
I'm the idiot who told you my plan believed you when you said you'd make it foolproof and then invested every last cent in a heist that'll never happen.
-Are you through? -We both are.
The beam hit him.
I think it worked.
-Really? -He didn't come after us, did he? Nell, just be grateful I'm too depressed to beat you to death.
In 48 hours, we either move on that $200 million shipment or bail.
I'd say, with that kind of payoff, it's worth a little test.
What kind of test? okay.
A-plus on the heat vision.
I was aiming for the bottles.
Clark, I don't like this.
I'm starting to be afraid of my own-- I know.
I know.
It's okay.
When do you think STAR Labs is gonna be able to tell us about that laser? It was pretty burned up.
You know, I don't understand this.
Red Kryptonite isn't supposed to do this.
I mean, last time it made you a little -yeah, apathetic, but not this.
-I'm sure they'll figure it out.
Like I'm sure we're gonna find whoever did this.
Why are you so calm? I mean, don't you feel? Aren't you upset? I'm fine.
okay, I'm upset.
But I also know that we're gonna figure this out.
In the meantime, you've got some powers that need to be controlled -or you're gonna cause some damage.
-You're right.
You're right.
-okay, why don't we deal with: -Great idea.
-okay, it's not as hard as you think.
-Help! The brakes are out! -What? -That truck.
What truck? -oh, no.
-The brakes.
Look out! Lady, did you just do what I think you did? What is your name? I gotta call the papers.
This is amazing.
oh, no, no.
Please.
I.
Everybody all right? oh, Superman.
Thank you.
For a minute, I thought this lady, you know: These shoes cost $75.
Does the Superheroes Union cover expenses? No, but it does bring up an interesting issue.
Which is? Well, you're just not the kind of person who can sit around and watch someone in trouble if you can help.
oh, I have a bad feeling about where this is going.
But you don't want the world knowing that it's Lois Lane stopping trucks, so.
Does this mean I have to wear glasses? No, dear, of course not.
-I'm thinking about a mask.
-A mask? oh, I think a mask would be very sharp.
-How about a cape? -You guys could we just slow down? I don't think I can do this.
No cape? No, I mean any of it.
This-- It's just-- It's not me.
It's Clark.
He's putting on this brave face, but inside, I know this is eating him alive.
If he sees me in a cape and tights, how do you think that's gonna make him feel? Lois, Clark is strong.
And I'm not talking about how much he can bench press.
He's strong where it counts and when it counts.
He'll get through this.
You both will.
Now Iet's talk boots.
I thought I had it working.
But it just burned up again.
Do you know how it works? Well, like any other laser.
Except all of its power seems to refract through that chunk of Red Kryptonite in the casing.
Sorry.
What happened when the beam hit you? -I felt a little dizzy.
-Any lingering reactions? Well, between you and me, l' m not quite myself.
I'd like to get it working again, fast.
I'll do my best.
-How's it going? -Sure is tight.
I know, but that cuts down the wind resistance.
So, what do you think? Jimmy.
Any word on those nutballs who stuffed Betsy Wetsy in the well? -Not yet, chief.
Here, you dropped this.
-oh, thanks.
It's from Alice.
Wonder how long that's been there.
Well, you've been wearing the same coat for three years.
What? She left me.
-Alice? -No, no, no.
Wait a minute.
-"Call me by 5 and we'll talk.
" -Chief, it's after 5:30.
"Otherwise, don't bother.
Ever.
" -Chief, I'm really sorry.
-Yeah, me too.
This blows.
In that it's sad.
-Things have been dicey between us -Hello? Yeah.
-but I didn't think they were that bad.
-What? -I gotta find her.
-I'll tell him.
We got a call.
The Planet gets torched in two minutes unless Superman shows.
Judas priest.
It's raining and pouring.
All right.
Jimmy, sound the alarm.
Let's get everybody out of here.
All right, people, we got an emergency! Everybody out! Let's go.
Get out from under this canopy.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go.
-ls that everybody? -Y eah.
All right, let's go.
Two and a half minutes and counting.
-Get the smug out of your voice.
-Why? He's here.
Kerosene.
-He doesn't look that apathetic to me.
-only one way to find out.
Those bottles must be filled with kerosene too.
Jimmy! Who is it? My God.
Now there are two of them.
And funny, neither one of them looks that apathetic.
Thanks.
I say, bolt.
Great costume.
It's a little tight.
-I know.
Mom says it cuts down on-- -Wind resistance.
I know.
Is that? -Water.
-Another practical joke.
It's Perry and Jimmy.
They're gonna know it's me.
-No, they won't.
-How blind do you think people are? Miss? You saved the Daily Planet.
I'm Perry White.
You are? This is Ultra Gir-- Woman.
Ultra Woman.
A smile for the Planet.
Why, when $200 million is only 24 hours away, does this happen? Why, when I take Superman out of the picture, does she show up? Why, when l' m speaking, are you not listening in rapt attention? -I have a theory.
-oh, joy.
Let's say that my kryptonite laser worked but not in the way we expected.
Let's say it created an unforeseen energy field that passed through Superman into this reporter making her ultra unique.
oh, please.
T ell me you're adopted.
If we actually share genes, I'm gonna throw myself in front of a bus.
Lucille, Superman didn't fly onto the scene.
He walked.
He didn't blow out the flame.
He used a tarp.
I'm telling you, he has all the superpowers of Batman.
And she is proof that those powers are transferable.
Let's say you're not totally wrong.
We don't have the laser anymore.
Last night, while you were binging and purging, some of us were working.
-What about the Red Kryptonite? -Down to our last chunk.
So it better work, which means you better practice.
Sorry? I'm going to take Ultra Woman's powers.
Nell, in a partnership, there's a kind of symbiosis.
In ours, it's inspiration, execution.
My dreams become our reality because of you.
That's your gift.
It always has been.
Lucille.
Ultra Lucille, angel.
Ultra Lucille.
Practice it.
Let it roll off your tongue.
Ultra Lucille.
Say it with me.
Ultra Lucille.
Ultra Lucille.
-Jimmy, what are these? -They're for Ultra Woman.
Really? Governor.
Fabio.
Brad Pitt.
Deion Sanders.
Jimmy Ol-- Jimmy.
I know it's not the biggest, but you think she'll like it? -Well, l-- -I can't get her out of my mind, Lois.
I know it sounds crazy, but the way she looked in those tights.
And the boots, I mean-- You think they're leather? I think you should apply ice.
Hey, morning, C.
K.
-Cut yourself shaving? -Repeatedly.
-Morning.
-Morning.
Ultra Woman? Antonio Banderas.
Never liked that guy.
Me neither.
-Did I get that fax from the state pen? -Yeah, it's on your desk.
You on to something? I think the key here is that Red Kryptonite.
It's probably that geologist, Gene Newtrich.
Remember? I remember helping put him away.
oh, he's only had two visitors since.
Yeah, sisters.
Nell and Lucille.
Please don't tell me that I loosened it for you.
Did I tell you how much I hate wearing this costume underneath my clothes? -Feels like long underwear.
-Yeah, well, it feels good after a while.
And it's snug.
-Believe me, you miss-- -You don't like just wearing your boxers? -Boxers? I wear briefs.
-I know.
-Lois, did you x-ray my--? -I was just kidding.
Lois.
Clark.
You get me that exclusive on Ultra Woman yet? -Not just yet, chief.
Any day now.
-But we're working on it.
Any day is not good enough.
Any hour is not good enough.
Be thinking any minute, people.
Any minute.
-What's up with Perry? -It's Alice.
-She left him.
-When? Yesterday.
Is this another superhero thing to get used to? Miss huge events in your personal life? Can't be there for your friends? That's one of the tougher ones, yeah.
Let's run a check on these Newtrich girls.
Here.
I think this has stopped bleeding.
-Thank you.
-No.
Oh, here we go.
Lucille Newtrich employed by First National Bank of Metropolis.
Fired.
Moved.
No forwarding.
Nell Newtrich.
Employed by Unitech -in laser research.
-Well, this is getting good.
Resigned her job two days after her sister was fired.
Again, no forwarding.
Well, that's never stopped us before.
Let's pound some pavement and-- Oh, no.
-Help! Oh, please, help! -Go.
-But.
-I'll find these two.
We'll catch up later.
-There's something I gotta finish first.
-What? Thank you, Ultra Woman.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Did you have to tear the whole door off? Who's your insurance company? -lnsurance company? -This is not coming out of my pocket.
-Look, I realize-- -You tore up my car.
Because your wife was choking.
Who, by the way, is fine.
And I'm sure she appreciates your concern.
Lady, you can't go through there! Ultra Woman, on TV, there's an oil fire in Texas.
Texas.
Right.
-Help! Ultra Woman, help! .
Where are you? Hurry! They say a whole town could burn.
-Help! -Help me! No.
Believe me, I understand.
Absolutely.
If the hijackers won't listen, you' re gonna have to take them out.
okay.
Let me tell you about-- In fact, no, let me tell you about one time when I was in that exact same situation.
You know-- No.
Go.
Go, but be careful.
Hey.
Love you.
Lois says she's sorry she missed dinner, but there's a 747 with a bomb on it.
Well, maybe she'll be back in time for pie.
No, I told her to just go on home and get some rest.
Hey, you guys wanna play Monopoly? Are you okay, sweetie? Fine.
What on earth makes you think you can fool me? No, Mom.
I am.
I' m fine.
I just.
I mean, it's not like I'm sick or dying or anything, I just.
I guess I just-- I don't know what I am.
Martha remember when I had the surgery and was laid up for six months and we almost lost the farm? Your mother went to work as a secretary and ended up as office manager with a secretary of her own.
oh, Jonathan, stop.
It was two secretaries.
Anyway, your mother saved the day.
And it was hard for me to just lie there and watch her do everything.
I.
I guess I was afraid I was losing her.
As if some silly job could ever replace you.
Either of you.
Maybe I'll take a walk.
Maybe over toward Lois's.
Maybe I'll wait for her to get home.
Thanks for dinner, Mom.
-Did we raise a smart boy or what? -oh, you were great.
Fourteen bucks.
That's it? -And it's all his.
So give it back.
-Yeah? I got a better idea.
Gimme yours.
-Come and get it.
-Yeah? You wanna get crazy?! Back off, boys.
Now.
Let's get out of here.
Thanks.
our pleasure, Mr.
Kent.
I've wired this steel chair to a 220-volt line which runs a double electric range, an air-conditioning unit-- or charbroils a reporter unless you call Ultra Woman.
I think her number's unlisted.
I'm thinking more in the "help, help, save me" area.
Why me? I've never even met her.
I'm sorry.
You don't know Lois Lane, your own partner? I don't know what you guys are talking about.
I'll make it simple.
-We want you to get Ultra Woman here.
-Fast.
She has something we want.
If he doesn't yell for help, we're not really going to.
oh, come on.
It's up to him.
Which any Buddhist will assure you slides this thing out of murder and into suicide.
Keeping us karmically covered.
It worked better than I thought.
You idiot! He went out the back door.
Another job well done.
Don't you ever get tired of perfection? I really could use some help getting out of this.
It worked.
oh, my God.
Clark, what happened? Who did this? -Are you sure that you x-rayed--? -They're not here.
It's a good thing.
When I get my hands on them for what they-- -Clark, are you okay? -Fine.
Fine.
-You're bleeding.
-It's just a nick.
-oh, God, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
-Lois, it was an accident.
It happens.
Well, it can't happen anymore.
No more accidents, no more mistakes.
-Not after tonight.
-What do you mean? Hey, what is it? I was landing this plane in Paris And I tried to get there as fast as I could, and I wasn't fast enough.
I mean, what did I do wrong? How come I couldn't get there faster -and why did those people have to--? -Lois, listen to me.
No matter how strong you are and no matter how fast sometimes it just isn't enough.
And you have to accept that.
But what makes me a good reporter is that I don't accept things.
And I'm always questioning and I'm never satisfied.
And I'm never gonna be satisfied with getting there five seconds too late.
I don't care what you say, I know it doesn't make you feel good to watch me do what you were born to do.
I admit I do miss the cape and the S.
-This whole bleeding thing is no fun.
-Yeah.
And crying with this mask isn't so great either.
Could we just bag these lunatics and get things back to normal? Yeah.
okay.
I overheard them talking about some kind of plan to get $200 million by tomorrow.
Looks like they cleared out of here in a hurry so maybe they left a clue.
What do you see? A number.
I can't make out the other three.
How does that add up to $200 million? There's no facility in town with that much cash.
So the money's coming in to Metropolis.
What bank needs that much? and three missing digits.
-Anybody want coffee? -I'll take some.
-Y eah.
With sugar.
-Sugar.
Lois did you ever get that interview with Ultra Woman? Why? I was just wondering if she mentioned if she was seeing anyone.
Jimmy.
Not that I think I'm good enough for her, up against Deion Sanders and Brad Pitt but I can't stop thinking about her.
And I thought that maybe you could tell her that I'm a nice guy.
-You are.
-And that I've been waiting my whole life to meet someone like her.
-Morning, chief.
-Morning, chief.
-ls the chief okay? -He's been sleeping in his office.
He doesn't wanna go home and face that big, empty house alone.
-ls he talking to somebody? -No.
But he's making up for it by yelling at everybody.
Maybe it's a winning lottery-ticket number.
-Hello? -Could it be a laser, or? -Banking? Like an account number? -Someone will be right there.
Guys.
one of you guys better get down to the corner of Giordano and Adams.
-What's up? -We got a jumper on a ledge.
I'll take that one.
You guys keep working on this number.
This job can really get to you, hearing all the worst stuff people do day and night.
-Yeah.
-Her sister sounded really upset too.
Whose sister? oh, the jumper's sister.
That was her on the phone, crying and sobbing.
You know, I think I'm gonna go handle this one too.
okay? -Would you like to talk to a doctor? -No.
But I would like a hug.
Well-- Well, okay.
No, it's her! I'm an empowered woman.
Well, let's see just how strong I am.
Hey, you.
In the dime-store dress? over here.
Is that real polyester? Because it goes great with that cheap lipstick and that bad wig.
Don't you talk about my sister's hair like that.
Shut up, Nell.
I can fight my own battles.
Yeah, but you are losing the one with taste.
I'm going to ram you into next Thursday.
The nasty thing about those superpowers: hard to control with a bad temper.
Let's get out of here before she calms down.
I guess I'm gonna have to get used to being earthbound again.
Well, you're off to a good start.
I'm gonna break them both into bite-sized chunks just as soon as we're rich.
oh, and one more thing: Just in case you had one bright idea in your whole life.
Where is she? Thanks, Jimmy.
Nice work.
He says that number's a post-office truck.
Post-office truck? What are they gonna steal, Ed McMahon's 1 0 million? Whatever it is, it's the world versus Hurricane Lucille unless we get your powers back.
Excuse me.
This is for you.
Look at that.
Oh, thank you.
That's so sweet.
I guess there are one or two things about this job I'm gonna miss.
Thanks, Ultra Woman.
I'll go pay another visit to STAR Labs.
Go to the Planet, see if you can narrow down which truck.
-Be careful.
-You too.
-That's it.
-What? one of these trucks is making a pickup at the Bank of Metropolis.
-No, made a pickup.
-I don't get it.
-They picked up bank money.
-I bet you anything it's old ATM money.
-Sorry, I'm a little slow today.
-I did a story on this.
You see, banks need to constantly replenish their ATMs with new bills.
The old ones get picked up in postal trucks.
Lucille used to work at a-- Hello? I'm looking for Superman.
-Thanks for the rush job.
-But we haven't even tested it.
It could conk out, or even blow up.
one thing I've learned over the past couple of days: Roll with the punches.
Yes? Oh, he's right here.
It's Lois Lane.
Hello? Well, do you know the route? You like the way the bullets bounced off my chest? oh, yes.
Watching you get shot was a real pleasure.
oh, this is the way crime should be.
Forget about those gangs of guys with Uzis or the getaway chopper.
-Just rip, punch and grab.
-We're rich.
-We're rich! -Ladies.
-May I have a word? -Ultra Woman? Excuse me.
Don't you qualify for protection under the Endangered Species Act? You're the one up for early extinction.
See, I've still got all my powers.
-You make me so mad my hair hurts.
-She's lying.
Let's just see.
Why do I think you're bluffing? Well, I don't know.
I see fear in your eyes.
That's just extreme modesty.
oh, Nell, let's do a little test.
Pick up the guard's gun there.
You're familiar with the phrase "Faster than a speeding bullet"? Lucille, l.
Nell, she knows who we are.
What we did.
Now, there isn't a jail on earth that could hold me, but you you'd be in a lot of trouble if she talked to the police.
So if you're so sure your little laser worked finish the job.
Get her.
Express shuttle, now leaving Earth.
Leave my sister alone! oh, no.
No! Not a bad note for Ultra Woman to go out on.
Just one last thing.
If I could do it myself, I would.
-You better get these two behind bars.
-Right this way, ma'am.
-Let's go.
-Pray we don't end up in a cell together.
oh, I'm so scared.
You have the right to remain silent.
okay.
Just one more last thing: This is great stuff, kids.
But we still don't know where this Ultra Woman came from.
-And are we ever gonna see her again? -Well.
She said she was a really close friend of Superman's and that's all either of them would say.
All right.
Let's slap this on the front page and head for home.
Does that mean you're not sleeping here? Alice is staying with a friend and I'm gonna be moving out at the end of the month.
-We're sorry to hear that, chief.
-Well you know, the fact is I've lived and breathed the Daily Planet for 30 years.
Alice says no matter how much I promise to change, that's the way it'll always be.
She feels that she has the right to play first fiddle with somebody and I can't disagree.
But I wanna-- I wanna thank you all for your concern and understanding that my fuse has been a little short lately.
Well.
Okay, let's hit it.
We got a paper to print.
-See you later.
-oh, Jimmy.
I talked to Ultra Woman before she flew off and she wanted me to give you a message.
-Yeah? -You're cute.
She said that? -Her exact words.
-Man! I'm cute.
You know, if somebody had asked me three days ago who the one person in the world I admired most was I'd have said you.
But without really knowing what that meant and without understanding that the hardest thing about being you is all the things you can't do.
All the cries for help that you can't answer and how that quietly tears you apart.
But it never stops you.
And after living a little of that myself, I realized something.
Something that I never thought was possible.
What? I love you more.
More than I ever have and more than I ever thought I could love anyone.
And so I wanna ask will you marry me? Who's asking? Lois? or Ultra Woman? Who's answering? Clark or Superman? I'm answering.
I'm waiting.
Yes.