Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s03e07 Episode Script
Series 3, Episode 7
( chainsaw buzzing ) - Morning.
- Morning.
( dog barking ) Lexie: Whoo! who's that? Nobody.
Duncan, she's all body.
Is that your wee friend? The one that sends you letters? - No! - "To Duncan, from your pen friend, Marie-Helene.
" Five kisses.
French kisses.
Look, it's not like that.
We're just good fr- she's got a boyfriend.
- That can change.
- I've never even met her.
Mmm, that can change too.
here.
- Telemessage for you.
- You opened it? Thought I'd save you the bother.
What? that's good news, isn't it? - She's coming here! - She can't.
- What's up? - I cannot tell you.
Well, we'll soon find out.
She'll be on the train by now.
( giggles ) ( theme music playing ) - Duncan: bonjour, ici- - ( door slams ) Duncan, the ami de stylo of Marie-Helene.
En ecosse- but I'm but here, I'm going away.
- en vacancies.
- vacances, en vacances.
Sorry, en vacances.
( phone clatters ) Let me guess your friend, Marie-Helene.
Lexie told me all about her.
She's not there.
Just voicemail.
- You're going to see her in a couple of hours.
- No! I won't be here.
- I'm going to my mother's.
- No, Duncan! When I was at school, I had a pen friend called Simone, and I used to make up all sorts of things, just to entertain her.
And then one day, I was absolutely terrified she might turn up and visit, and discover the real me wasn't at all like I was in the letters.
But I'm sure you would never do anything like that.
I would.
I did.
I told her a pack of lies.
Now she's coming here with her fancy boyfriend, and I'm not sticking around to look like a complete numptie.
Oh dear.
how long have you been writing to her? Since I was 13, Ms.
Skinner's class.
So you'd really like to see her again, Marie-Helene, I mean.
Not Ms.
Skinner.
I've always dreamed of seeing her.
It was a silly kid's thing, but when I was at school, I was kind of in love with her.
Right, Duncan.
Let's make it happen.
What?! How come you've stopped eating with the grown-ups? ( sighs ) You enjoy the scintillating conversation with me.
What's happened? ( sniffs ) Nothing.
Is it bad news? It's my divorce.
I never thought it would be so fast.
It's not bad news at all.
It's great news.
I'm just being stupid.
- Look, if you want to cry- - ( Stella laughs ) Just cry.
- It's your divorce.
- I don't want to.
Why do I let him do this to me? You're asking me? ( laughs ) Fat lot I know.
Remember Stuart? If there's one thing I do know, it's that they're not worth it.
None of them.
Oh, this is pathetic.
I should be cracking open the champagne.
What me to go get you some from the shop? No, I'll get it.
Are you doing anything tonight? Me? ( scoffs ) - No.
- You are now.
- I'm not drinking on my own.
- Okay.
( dog barking ) ( growls ) - Can I help? - Those dogs should be kept under proper control.
Monty, Rommel, come on.
I'm sorry, this garden isn't open to the public.
There is a sign.
I believe you'll find I'm within my legal rights.
I'm not causing any damage.
By the by, the internationally accepted form for that sign is a red-rimmed circle containing a walking figure struck through with a red, oblique line.
- Would you excuse me? - ( dog growls ) ( Molly claps ) Now I've got you all here, I've got some good news from the hospital.
They say that Hector is really improving.
That's not more duffed news about him? It may be some time before he can sit down again, but remember, we don't talk about it.
Well, people are asking.
I need to tell them something.
I just say Glenbogle's not the only ancient pile that's been troubling him.
That seems to work.
- Sorry.
- Ah, here you are.
We need you.
- Sounds ominous.
- not at all.
Duncan has a problem.
Just the one? His friend Marie-Helene has clearly misunderstood one of Duncan's letters.
French can be such a tricky language.
You ask for a hairbrush, they bring you a horse brush.
It's all too, too muddling.
Anyway, as I was saying, dear Marie-Helene seems confused about what it is Duncan actually does.
That's no surprise.
Half the time Duncan's confused about what he actually does.
Duncan's worried that his French friends will be disappointed.
So I thought it would be easier all around if just for a couple of days, Duncan became the laird of Glenbogle.
You told her you were the laird? Kind of.
And as far as she's concerned, he will be.
everyone happy? Just hold on a wee minute.
Duncan has a job to do, I rely on him.
Archie can do that.
You want me to do Duncan's job, - and Duncan to do mine? - Very good, dear.
It would've taken me hours to explain something like that to your father.
Don't feel like emptying that one, no? - Didn't see it.
- "job's worth doing " I know, I know.
Give me a chance.
- Soon get the hang of it.
- Man: excuse me? I have a complaint.
It concerns your equipment.
That lifebelt holder would appear to be empty.
There's another one just there.
What's more, there's nobody out on the loch, and we're not expecting the Titanic.
You may not take the danger of drowning seriously, but I most certainly do.
A member of my family drowned in that loch.
I take it very seriously.
That doesn't run to supplying adequate safety equipment? Most slipshod.
You're doing this because I threw you out of the garden.
No, I'm merely drawing your attention to the fact- perhaps you'd like your entrance fee back then? No, no.
Hey, easy.
You're talking to the wrong person.
If you've got a problem, take it to the estate office.
We arrive at the table like this, and then- - Duncan- - oh, sorry.
Thank you.
Ahem- would you like to taste? Yes, please.
( fizzes ) ( sloshing ) I don't know.
Hmm, not good enough for you? Perhaps the '92 would be better? Mmm.
( giggles ) Not bad, wee man.
He's more like Archie than Archie.
I understand you accommodate paying guests? I'll require an inexpensive room for the night.
That's no problem.
We have one with a view of the loch.
- I'm not here for the scenery.
- ( door opens ) - I've got to go to the station.
- This is Mr.
Barr.
- Yeah, we've met.
- He's the assistant chief inspector with the regional health and safety executive.
I see.
He's here to carry out a spot-check inspection and he wants you to help him.
- Me? - You are the head ranger, are you not? Umm yeah, yeah.
Good.
in that case, we start tomorrow at 9:00 prompt.
Go get the barrow.
She might have more bags than you can carry.
Listen, you don't give the orders around here.
Duncan's the laird.
And you are Duncan.
So that means we can boss you around.
- She's not here.
Let's go.
- No, no! - Is that her there? - No! ( giggles ) Ah, Duncan.
Is that Marie-Helene? Ooh-la-la.
Duncan, she's lovely.
- Maybe this isn't a good idea.
- Of course it is.
- courage, mon ami.
- What? - bonjour.
- Duncan, hello.
( clears throat, laughs nervously ) Bienvenue en ecosse, c'est un tres grand plaisir por moi, et ma famille, de faire votre connaissance merci beaucoup.
Tu es tres gentile.
Et Glenbogle, c'est loin? Non, non.
c'est pas loin.
On habite au bord du lac.
C'est a peu pres a 40 minutes d'ici.
By the way, I'm Molly.
Duncan's mother.
And this is Lexie.
- and that's Archie.
- He'll take your bags for you.
Molly: Are you alone? I thought you were coming with a friend.
I'm sorry.
I didn't say in the telegram.
Alain had to stay in Edinburgh.
What a shame.
anyway, it's lovely to see you.
Archie! Land Rover.
Where is the Ferrari? The Ferrari's got a burst thingy.
Lexie: Yeah! I mean- does that all the time.
You know, bursts its thingy.
( forced laughter ) ( bagpipes playing loudly ) ( shouting ) Duncan, this is unbelievable.
No, it's all true.
When you talked about the house, I didn't realize it was so big, and so old, and so beautiful.
Just like you.
I mean- - ( bagpipes stop ) - ( loudly ) not big and old- ahem.
Now, where have we met before? We haven't.
I'm sure I know your face from somewhere.
Tell me about health and safety.
- It must be terribly exciting.
- No, it isn't.
But you seem to have so much to do.
What were you measuring just now? The noise level's over the limit.
Your piper should be wearing ear defenders.
But it'll have to wait, I'm on a scheduled meal break now.
Oh, good.
then we can talk about the off-duty Mr.
Barr.
I want to know all about you.
Do you have children? I suppose if you did they'd be called mini-barrs.
I don't.
And they wouldn't.
But there's a Mrs.
Barr? Yes.
What a shame she couldn't have come with you.
My wife recently left me to live with a chiropodist in Devon.
And she doesn't return my calls.
Oh, I'm- I'm so, so sorry.
Roast venison.
Lexie, you're meant to serve the guests first.
And you're meant to carve- my laird.
( knocking ) - oh, hi.
- Not quite what you're used to, huh? Right.
did you manage to find those books? I reckon Duncan's got most of what you need.
Right, what have we got here? "Working with wild birds," "first aid, basic," "first aid, advanced," and a safety manual.
- Where's the important stuff? - It's all important, Archie.
That's why I've been sending Duncan on courses for the last year.
Don't you think it might be a good idea to tell this inspector chappie the truth? I don't want to spoil Duncan's big day.
You know health and safety can shut us down on the spot? If he finds something wrong, which he won't do once I've read this lot.
I'm determined not to leave anything up to chance.
- ( sizzling ) - Like your toast? Like I said- why don't you just tell this guy the truth? I brought you something.
It's from the shop where I work.
- Wow.
- It's nothing special.
Oh! I've always wanted one that does stunts.
It's brilliant! May I look at your photos? Are they all of your family? Umm family and friends.
There are none of Duncan.
No, he doesn't like having his photograph taken.
( laughs ) - Lots of Archie.
- Yeah, of course.
Why? Uh I'm very fond of Archie.
The chauffeur? He's a sort of project of mine.
Poor Archie, comes from a very good family.
But he went to the bad- drink, drugs, joyriding.
And the only way to keep him out of prison- or the lunatic asylum, was to give him a job on the estate.
You mean he's mad? If that's the head ranger you're referring to, he did strike me as being somewhat on the unreliable side.
Oh, he does his best, considering.
Poor lamb.
Ah, I see you're admiring our roses.
Nothing wrong, is there? Dangerous thorns? Excessive pollen? No, no.
it was for my own interest.
- Are you a gardener? - No.
These roses are unique to Glenbogle.
There's quite a history attached to them, actually, very romantic.
I'm aware of that.
If you'll excuse me, I'll bid you good night.
- Ta-da! - ( both giggling ) Look what I made you- it's a divorce cake.
- I burned the groom.
- That's great.
Will you put that down? This is supposed to be a celebration.
- But I've got this inspection tomorrow.
- that is tomorrow.
Whereas right now, we have cham-poo, we have cake, and ( sighs ) We have Russell Crowe.
So can we please just start enjoying ourselves? Cheers.
Your sort of man, is he? Russell? Right now, any sort of man would do.
- Duncan? - No.
He's like a wee brother.
You must have thought about Archie.
- What about you and Archie? - Not a chance.
Come on.
You're a free woman now.
So why would I want a man? It's taken me years to get rid of the last one.
Anyway, I asked you first.
Hmmm.
Given half a chance- but he never does.
You've got to make your own chances.
If you want Archie, he's not going to make the running.
He doesn't know how.
- Your friend, Alain- - yes.
It's a pity he couldn't be here.
- Is he working in Edinburgh? - Not really.
Oh, what happened? Nothing to do with me, is it? No, it's me.
I've been with Alain for five years, and now he brings me to Edinburgh.
And we stay in a lovely hotel, and on Saturday it was my birthday, so we go to a beautiful restaurant- candles on the table, and a view of the castle, and what do you think? He asked you to marry him.
No.
He talked about football.
- What team does he support? - ( sighs ) He talked about football because he didn't want to ask me to marry him.
Duncan, because of your letters I always dreamed of coming to Scotland.
It's so beautiful, so romantic.
Alain had arranged this trip as a surprise for me, and I knew where it was leading to, perhaps he was nervous.
It's a big thing, isn't it? But I saw the ring.
It was in his suitcase.
There you go, he was going to ask you.
That's the point.
I asked him why he didn't give me the ring, and he said- he said that he changed his mind.
He must be mad! I mean- why would he do a thing like that? I don't know.
he just said all I could talk about now was dresses and invitations and churches, and I didn't know how to have fun anymore, and I had changed, and I didn't know what to say.
I just started crying.
I couldn't stay with Alain after that, and I didn't want to go home alone.
I knew if I came here you'd understand.
Well, you did the right thing.
Stay as long as you like.
Although I do think you ought to phone Alain.
He's bound to be worried about you.
I know I would be.
But, Duncan, you're different.
I wish Alain was a bit more like you.
Good night, Duncan.
Aw, all on your own? Here.
Don't go getting used to this.
It won't last.
Lexie, can I ask you something? Ach, no chance.
Breakfast is the only thing you'll be getting in bed.
No.
It's about Marie-Helene.
Mmm? She's split up with her boyfriend, and, well it wouldn't be right for me to- you know- take advantage? Hmm, so you do fancy her.
It's more than that.
I've never met anyone like her.
What? French, you mean? No, I mean beautiful, and kind, and funny.
- Thanks.
- What I mean is, she could be the one for me, the one I've always dreamed of finding.
Then go for it, wee man.
- It wouldn't be fair.
- Well, life isn't fair.
Else I wouldn't be fetching you breakfast in bed.
- All ready? - Yeah, I think so.
One thing, can you try to be polite to barr? You're the head ranger, not the laird.
Yeah, I'll try.
But this guy's a real jumped-up little jobsworth.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
did you have a comfortable night? - Adequate.
- Where do you want to start? I noticed from your literature that, quote, "Glenbogle House offers chainsaw sculpting for beginners under instruction from our trained head ranger.
" Unquote.
I'd like instruction.
My turn now? Sorry? I said, is it my turn now? Yes, of course.
You've forgotten something.
Safety helmet, ear defenders, gloves, safety boots.
what? Petrol.
Yeah, it's correctly stored.
It should be in the chainsaw.
That's why it won't work.
- Where do we keep the oysters? - In the fridge.
We've not had any in weeks, though.
What're you doing? I found this- the ultimate recipe for a night of love.
Aye, and it says oysters are a- a aphro-something.
That's a hairstyle.
No, no, no.
The love thing.
Duncan, these magazines are rubbish.
No one ever does this.
What am I supposed to do? What do you usually do when you take a lassie out? I don't know.
What'd you do the last time? Went to the sweet shop.
We were 10.
Look, Duncan, there's no secret.
Just be yourself.
Now that could be a problem.
Marie-Helene thinks he's the laird.
Aye, and I promised her a big special day out.
How do you think Marie-Helene would like to spend the day? I'm not sure.
Well, then do what you want to do, not what it says in some magazine.
The most exciting, romantic, magical thing that you can think of.
No! ( laughing ) - So far, so good.
- You think so? It's nothing that can close us down.
That's the hard bit.
Next two miles are downhill.
( barr groans ) Oh, my word! Help me! Oh, fantastic! You've killed him.
- He stopped breathing.
- What do we do? I'll give him heart massage, you do mouth to mouth.
I'll do the heart massage.
Oh, all right.
- You got a handkerchief? - No.
quick! - Aren't you going to check my pulse first? - What? A registered first-aider needs to brush up on his cpr skills, doesn't he? ( laughing ) Duncan: Hold on, I've got a present for you.
This is traditional Scottish.
( laughing ) You're so pretty.
- Are you enjoying yourself? - Of course.
Is this all yours? Uh-huh.
It's so much for one person.
I hope it won't always be for one.
You've got girlfriends? Well, no, actually.
I've always been waiting for the right one.
Where have I seen Mr.
Barr before? Your worst nightmares.
Oh, is the inspection not going well? ( alarm sounds ) That must be him.
Is there a fire? No, just another one of his safety tests.
Oh.
Oh, Archie- you've got to leave the house.
But you said there isn't a fire.
The house is in flames, you're going to be burned to a frazzle.
Oh, why didn't you tell me? You know how panicked I get.
Stella, get the fire engines.
No, our fire engine.
Bring it round the front.
- Me? - I've got to check the rooms.
The fire drill is one thing that I can do.
Mother! Your father would never forgive me if I didn't save the imperial.
( alarm continuing ) What's that noise? That'd be the fire bell.
Shouldn't we do something? No, it's no bother.
There's something I've got to say.
Marie-Helene, I've always dreamed that one day I would meet someone who would change my life.
You think you have found her? I know I have.
Oh, Duncan, I'm so happy.
Marie-Helene- Stella: Duncan! Duncan, I need you! There's a fire.
We have to leave the building now.
You sure it's not a false alarm? You'd know better than me, wouldn't you? We have to go.
- I need to get dressed first.
- I have three minutes to evacuate the house.
I'm not leaving without my trousers.
- Sorry, but rules are rules.
- ( tearing ) Put me down! Put me down, I said! ( sirens blaring ) We need to check the water tanks.
There's no time for that, get the hose.
I do hope it's not a big fire.
Hector will be terribly disappointed to miss it.
Put me down! Okay! Is this the fire brigade? By my watch the house was completely evacuated in under three minutes, which is well within the required time.
You want to put that in your safety report? Fire precautions are out with my remit.
What? I didn't set off the alarm.
And I thought you'd fully evacuated the house.
I'm terribly sorry, but I tripped one of the detectors with my blowtorch.
You can all come back in now.
Great.
In the course of my inspection, I have found no fewer than 73 contraventions of health and safety regulations.
That doesn't include the failure to ensure the house was evacuated during the fire alert.
I shall not require the premises to close down thank you.
until tomorrow a.
m.
I then recommend that Glenbogle House should remain closed until all improvements, as listed, have been made.
Finally, I should strongly suggest that you dismiss your head ranger forthwith.
However admirable your equal opportunities policies may be in regard to his mental health issues, he would appear to be not only incompetent, but positively dangerous.
That's the summary of my findings.
You'll have my full report tomorrow.
Thank you.
Did you enjoy today? Oh, it was fantastic.
There was something I wanted to say to you earlier.
I think you know what it is.
We've only been together for a day, but in a way we've known each other for years.
I've always thought of you as my best friend, but now that we've met, you could be- you are more than that.
Marie-Helene I love you.
Duncan, you're teasing.
This is one of your jokes.
No, no, I mean it, I know that you're beginning to feel the same towards me.
Duncan, I'm sorry- no, you don't have to decide just now.
I know I'm not great looking or a big genius, but I could look after you, I could make you happy.
Duncan, I really like you.
You're my friend, my best friend.
The one person I could always talk to, but you're not Alain.
But you said that was all over.
It might be for him, but I still love him.
I miss him so much.
I'm sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you.
No.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
No, I need to speak to him now.
( knocking ) ( softly ) I'll come back.
No, it's okay.
It's the lawyers.
I could be on hold all week.
Which do you think? This or this? Where are you going? You said to give it a go with Archie, tonight's the night.
Well, he might not be in the best of moods.
Well, he might need a shoulder to cry on.
Look, I couldn't borrow something of yours, could I? I'm sick of these.
Sure.
Oh, it's really nice.
- That's not very me.
- It's very Archie.
All right, I'll give it a try.
Thanks.
Wish me luck.
( knocking ) Archie: Lexie.
Were you expecting someone more exciting? I wasn't expecting anyone at all.
come in.
I'm not disturbing you, am I? No, I was just looking through this safety report.
Can't seem to find a way around it.
Stella's been on to the lawyers, I've tried to pull strings.
When it comes down to it, we have been shafted.
That guy came here looking to do that.
How sad does your life have to be to end up as bitter and twisted as he is? I'm well on the way to finding out.
No, I can't blame him.
It's my own fault.
I make a lousy Duncan.
Well, he makes a pretty good you.
Certainly knows how to put me in my place.
- Is that what I do? - All the time.
So, now that I've traipsed all the way over here, the least you can do is offer me some dinner.
Okay.
Is that a new dress? - Do you like it? - Yeah, you look fantastic.
How are the eggs? Not bad.
You should cook more often.
Thanks.
Forgotten how much I missed all this.
Scrambled eggs? No, this.
Supper without dressing up.
And my father banging on about El-Alamain or the 10th hole and your cooking.
What's wrong with my cooking? There's nothing wrong with your cooking.
It was a joke.
And that was a lie.
You're welcome to cook anytime.
So, you still nervous about this inspection? Thanks for reminding me.
Well, if there's anything I can do.
No, you've already done plenty.
I hadn't thought about it for at least a half an hour.
It's funny, being down here away from the house helps put things into perspective.
It's very easy to lose sight of what's important.
So, what's important to you? Scrambled eggs, mainly.
- Be serious.
- My family, the estate, friends.
Is that enough? For what? To you know, make you happy? Don't really know.
What about you? The same.
I mean, I guess I want a family and kids.
That does usually require some sort of a male input.
Well, you males think far too much about your input.
- Me? - Yes, you.
( laughing ) Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Look, I know it's late, but I really need to speak to Archie about what the lawyer said.
Right, yeah.
Why don't I make some coffee first? Lex? Please.
That would be great, thanks.
So, how's it going then? ( knocking ) Molly: Mr.
Barr? Hello.
Your trousers- oh.
I did my best, but needlework has never been my forte.
Thank you.
Oh, is that Mrs.
Barr? Yes.
That's the Glenbogle rose.
When was it you were here before? - A very long time ago.
- May I? Oh, she's a very attractive woman.
She was then- and she still is.
Was this a special occasion? You could say that.
It was for me, anyway.
Good night, Mr.
Barr.
Duncan? Tell me.
What is it about me? I thought that if I had a better job, or a big house, or a fancy car, then I'd get a girlfriend.
I'm the laird of Glenbogle and she's still not interested.
- What is it? - What happened? I told her how I felt about her.
She thought it was a joke.
- What's wrong with me? - There's nothing wrong with you.
You'll find someone else.
I don't want someone else.
I want her.
Well, sometimes that just can't happen.
You know, you love someone, and they just can't see it, or they want other things.
And other people get in the way.
You're just saying that.
No, I'm not.
It takes two to tango, and one half fallen in love just isn't enough.
Tell me all about it.
We'll try and work something out.
Is that a new dress? Do you like it? Yes.
you look great.
- Morning, lass.
- Good morning.
You're not going to need that at breakfast.
- I'll take that.
- No, no, really- - it's too heavy.
- Thank you.
Not at all.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you making? Eggs.
You should do it.
You're the expert.
It's different down here.
I noticed.
Thanks for last night.
Look, I'm sorry it ended the way it did, but, you know, Stella was worried.
So she should be.
Her timing's terrible.
Hmm.
we had fun, didn't we? I wish things could always be like that - just simple.
Who are you calling "simple"? The girl that just broke an egg into a mug of tea.
Is it there? I can't find it.
Let me look.
Get away.
- Here it is.
- I cannot do this.
I'll make the call.
All you have to do is keep Marie-Helene here as long as you can.
- Lexie's going to help too- - what if it doesn't work? You have to make it work.
You've lied to that girl, in your letters, and ever since she came here.
Look at the mess both of you are in.
Now you owe it to her to do the right thing.
This seems pretty comprehensive.
Congratulations, Mr.
Barr.
You've almost certainly closed us for good.
Well, that's not my problem.
Not until you've closed every business in the highlands.
Then you might find yourself out of a job.
I'd say you were in more danger of that than me.
Good day.
Mr.
Barr, I need to talk to you.
I was arrogant and inexcusably rude.
I also haven't been telling the truth about things.
I am, in fact, the laird of Glenbogle.
I swapped jobs with my head ranger because his French pen pal had come to visit.
And the whole thing with the lifebelt, my brother drowned in the loch, so I get very angry if anybody suggests that I don't care about safety.
The truth is that my father has had an operation.
My mother took the lifebelt so he could sit on it.
Mrs.
MacDonald told me about your condition.
- I do understand.
- What condition? The mental health issue.
You think I'm crazy? No more so than anyone else around here.
Would you excuse me? Thank you.
I want to leave as soon as possible.
You have to have breakfast first.
I don't want to see Duncan.
I can't explain.
There's a train at 10:00.
I'd like to take it.
Don't worry because if you miss that one, there's plenty more.
Not on the timetable.
Oh! You don't want to go looking at that, do you? Now, come on, eat up.
Because we've got kidneys still to come.
Oh and toast.
Molly: It would be easier with secateurs.
I can explain.
No need.
I know already.
You were planning a trip to Devon, and you wanted to take a bunch of Glenbogle roses with you.
- How did you know that? - Because we've met before, Mr.
Barr.
It was exactly 25 years ago in this garden.
I took the photograph of you and Mona that you have by your bed.
- You know her name? - It's all here, in my journal.
I wrote about how a young man proposed to his girlfriend, Mona, in our garden.
During one of our open days.
She told me all about it when she asked me to take the photograph.
I guessed that you wanted to take your Mona a reminder of that day.
Here, let me.
Did you think your wife might change her mind? Come back to you? - It sounds pretty stupid.
- Not at all.
I think it's the most wonderful, romantic gesture.
A crime of passion.
And I know how you feel.
With respect, you don't.
Mona walked out on me without a word after 22 years.
You have no idea.
I do- of course, I do.
The same thing happened to me.
My husband, Hector, he- he left me for an upholsterer in Lossiemouth.
He's probably pumping up her cushions as we speak.
I'm sorry, I spoke out of turn.
I love my Hector, I still do.
He was a colossus mentally, physically, spiritually, and when he left, I- I couldn't cope.
The house went to wrack and ruin, the staff out of control, but Hector loves this house.
And if I can just keep it going, maybe one day he'll return to the place where he was truly happy.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were able to help one another in some way? Can't that wait a minute, dear? - I've got to tell the bank the estate's closed.
- There's no need to.
Mr.
Barr has given us six month's grace.
I simply found the words to make him feel better.
And in a way, your father helped, too.
Mother, you're a genius.
Marie-Helene: When is the train? There's something I've got to tell you.
Duncan, I already told you.
You know how I feel about Alain.
So you did.
There's someone going in the same direction as you, someone to share your journey home with.
Alain? I phoned him.
He was worried sick.
You did this for me? What do I say to him? Tell him you don't care if you get married in a church or a kite shop, life's no fun without him.
Tell him you love him.
I borrowed this top.
Is that okay? No worries.
Where are you going? Out for a drink with Archie.
Now we're not closing down, - we need to talk about a business plan.
- In that top? Well, it's very pretty.
Then you won't mind if I come too, then.
Go on then, girl.
Age before beauty.
( theme music playing )
- Morning.
( dog barking ) Lexie: Whoo! who's that? Nobody.
Duncan, she's all body.
Is that your wee friend? The one that sends you letters? - No! - "To Duncan, from your pen friend, Marie-Helene.
" Five kisses.
French kisses.
Look, it's not like that.
We're just good fr- she's got a boyfriend.
- That can change.
- I've never even met her.
Mmm, that can change too.
here.
- Telemessage for you.
- You opened it? Thought I'd save you the bother.
What? that's good news, isn't it? - She's coming here! - She can't.
- What's up? - I cannot tell you.
Well, we'll soon find out.
She'll be on the train by now.
( giggles ) ( theme music playing ) - Duncan: bonjour, ici- - ( door slams ) Duncan, the ami de stylo of Marie-Helene.
En ecosse- but I'm but here, I'm going away.
- en vacancies.
- vacances, en vacances.
Sorry, en vacances.
( phone clatters ) Let me guess your friend, Marie-Helene.
Lexie told me all about her.
She's not there.
Just voicemail.
- You're going to see her in a couple of hours.
- No! I won't be here.
- I'm going to my mother's.
- No, Duncan! When I was at school, I had a pen friend called Simone, and I used to make up all sorts of things, just to entertain her.
And then one day, I was absolutely terrified she might turn up and visit, and discover the real me wasn't at all like I was in the letters.
But I'm sure you would never do anything like that.
I would.
I did.
I told her a pack of lies.
Now she's coming here with her fancy boyfriend, and I'm not sticking around to look like a complete numptie.
Oh dear.
how long have you been writing to her? Since I was 13, Ms.
Skinner's class.
So you'd really like to see her again, Marie-Helene, I mean.
Not Ms.
Skinner.
I've always dreamed of seeing her.
It was a silly kid's thing, but when I was at school, I was kind of in love with her.
Right, Duncan.
Let's make it happen.
What?! How come you've stopped eating with the grown-ups? ( sighs ) You enjoy the scintillating conversation with me.
What's happened? ( sniffs ) Nothing.
Is it bad news? It's my divorce.
I never thought it would be so fast.
It's not bad news at all.
It's great news.
I'm just being stupid.
- Look, if you want to cry- - ( Stella laughs ) Just cry.
- It's your divorce.
- I don't want to.
Why do I let him do this to me? You're asking me? ( laughs ) Fat lot I know.
Remember Stuart? If there's one thing I do know, it's that they're not worth it.
None of them.
Oh, this is pathetic.
I should be cracking open the champagne.
What me to go get you some from the shop? No, I'll get it.
Are you doing anything tonight? Me? ( scoffs ) - No.
- You are now.
- I'm not drinking on my own.
- Okay.
( dog barking ) ( growls ) - Can I help? - Those dogs should be kept under proper control.
Monty, Rommel, come on.
I'm sorry, this garden isn't open to the public.
There is a sign.
I believe you'll find I'm within my legal rights.
I'm not causing any damage.
By the by, the internationally accepted form for that sign is a red-rimmed circle containing a walking figure struck through with a red, oblique line.
- Would you excuse me? - ( dog growls ) ( Molly claps ) Now I've got you all here, I've got some good news from the hospital.
They say that Hector is really improving.
That's not more duffed news about him? It may be some time before he can sit down again, but remember, we don't talk about it.
Well, people are asking.
I need to tell them something.
I just say Glenbogle's not the only ancient pile that's been troubling him.
That seems to work.
- Sorry.
- Ah, here you are.
We need you.
- Sounds ominous.
- not at all.
Duncan has a problem.
Just the one? His friend Marie-Helene has clearly misunderstood one of Duncan's letters.
French can be such a tricky language.
You ask for a hairbrush, they bring you a horse brush.
It's all too, too muddling.
Anyway, as I was saying, dear Marie-Helene seems confused about what it is Duncan actually does.
That's no surprise.
Half the time Duncan's confused about what he actually does.
Duncan's worried that his French friends will be disappointed.
So I thought it would be easier all around if just for a couple of days, Duncan became the laird of Glenbogle.
You told her you were the laird? Kind of.
And as far as she's concerned, he will be.
everyone happy? Just hold on a wee minute.
Duncan has a job to do, I rely on him.
Archie can do that.
You want me to do Duncan's job, - and Duncan to do mine? - Very good, dear.
It would've taken me hours to explain something like that to your father.
Don't feel like emptying that one, no? - Didn't see it.
- "job's worth doing " I know, I know.
Give me a chance.
- Soon get the hang of it.
- Man: excuse me? I have a complaint.
It concerns your equipment.
That lifebelt holder would appear to be empty.
There's another one just there.
What's more, there's nobody out on the loch, and we're not expecting the Titanic.
You may not take the danger of drowning seriously, but I most certainly do.
A member of my family drowned in that loch.
I take it very seriously.
That doesn't run to supplying adequate safety equipment? Most slipshod.
You're doing this because I threw you out of the garden.
No, I'm merely drawing your attention to the fact- perhaps you'd like your entrance fee back then? No, no.
Hey, easy.
You're talking to the wrong person.
If you've got a problem, take it to the estate office.
We arrive at the table like this, and then- - Duncan- - oh, sorry.
Thank you.
Ahem- would you like to taste? Yes, please.
( fizzes ) ( sloshing ) I don't know.
Hmm, not good enough for you? Perhaps the '92 would be better? Mmm.
( giggles ) Not bad, wee man.
He's more like Archie than Archie.
I understand you accommodate paying guests? I'll require an inexpensive room for the night.
That's no problem.
We have one with a view of the loch.
- I'm not here for the scenery.
- ( door opens ) - I've got to go to the station.
- This is Mr.
Barr.
- Yeah, we've met.
- He's the assistant chief inspector with the regional health and safety executive.
I see.
He's here to carry out a spot-check inspection and he wants you to help him.
- Me? - You are the head ranger, are you not? Umm yeah, yeah.
Good.
in that case, we start tomorrow at 9:00 prompt.
Go get the barrow.
She might have more bags than you can carry.
Listen, you don't give the orders around here.
Duncan's the laird.
And you are Duncan.
So that means we can boss you around.
- She's not here.
Let's go.
- No, no! - Is that her there? - No! ( giggles ) Ah, Duncan.
Is that Marie-Helene? Ooh-la-la.
Duncan, she's lovely.
- Maybe this isn't a good idea.
- Of course it is.
- courage, mon ami.
- What? - bonjour.
- Duncan, hello.
( clears throat, laughs nervously ) Bienvenue en ecosse, c'est un tres grand plaisir por moi, et ma famille, de faire votre connaissance merci beaucoup.
Tu es tres gentile.
Et Glenbogle, c'est loin? Non, non.
c'est pas loin.
On habite au bord du lac.
C'est a peu pres a 40 minutes d'ici.
By the way, I'm Molly.
Duncan's mother.
And this is Lexie.
- and that's Archie.
- He'll take your bags for you.
Molly: Are you alone? I thought you were coming with a friend.
I'm sorry.
I didn't say in the telegram.
Alain had to stay in Edinburgh.
What a shame.
anyway, it's lovely to see you.
Archie! Land Rover.
Where is the Ferrari? The Ferrari's got a burst thingy.
Lexie: Yeah! I mean- does that all the time.
You know, bursts its thingy.
( forced laughter ) ( bagpipes playing loudly ) ( shouting ) Duncan, this is unbelievable.
No, it's all true.
When you talked about the house, I didn't realize it was so big, and so old, and so beautiful.
Just like you.
I mean- - ( bagpipes stop ) - ( loudly ) not big and old- ahem.
Now, where have we met before? We haven't.
I'm sure I know your face from somewhere.
Tell me about health and safety.
- It must be terribly exciting.
- No, it isn't.
But you seem to have so much to do.
What were you measuring just now? The noise level's over the limit.
Your piper should be wearing ear defenders.
But it'll have to wait, I'm on a scheduled meal break now.
Oh, good.
then we can talk about the off-duty Mr.
Barr.
I want to know all about you.
Do you have children? I suppose if you did they'd be called mini-barrs.
I don't.
And they wouldn't.
But there's a Mrs.
Barr? Yes.
What a shame she couldn't have come with you.
My wife recently left me to live with a chiropodist in Devon.
And she doesn't return my calls.
Oh, I'm- I'm so, so sorry.
Roast venison.
Lexie, you're meant to serve the guests first.
And you're meant to carve- my laird.
( knocking ) - oh, hi.
- Not quite what you're used to, huh? Right.
did you manage to find those books? I reckon Duncan's got most of what you need.
Right, what have we got here? "Working with wild birds," "first aid, basic," "first aid, advanced," and a safety manual.
- Where's the important stuff? - It's all important, Archie.
That's why I've been sending Duncan on courses for the last year.
Don't you think it might be a good idea to tell this inspector chappie the truth? I don't want to spoil Duncan's big day.
You know health and safety can shut us down on the spot? If he finds something wrong, which he won't do once I've read this lot.
I'm determined not to leave anything up to chance.
- ( sizzling ) - Like your toast? Like I said- why don't you just tell this guy the truth? I brought you something.
It's from the shop where I work.
- Wow.
- It's nothing special.
Oh! I've always wanted one that does stunts.
It's brilliant! May I look at your photos? Are they all of your family? Umm family and friends.
There are none of Duncan.
No, he doesn't like having his photograph taken.
( laughs ) - Lots of Archie.
- Yeah, of course.
Why? Uh I'm very fond of Archie.
The chauffeur? He's a sort of project of mine.
Poor Archie, comes from a very good family.
But he went to the bad- drink, drugs, joyriding.
And the only way to keep him out of prison- or the lunatic asylum, was to give him a job on the estate.
You mean he's mad? If that's the head ranger you're referring to, he did strike me as being somewhat on the unreliable side.
Oh, he does his best, considering.
Poor lamb.
Ah, I see you're admiring our roses.
Nothing wrong, is there? Dangerous thorns? Excessive pollen? No, no.
it was for my own interest.
- Are you a gardener? - No.
These roses are unique to Glenbogle.
There's quite a history attached to them, actually, very romantic.
I'm aware of that.
If you'll excuse me, I'll bid you good night.
- Ta-da! - ( both giggling ) Look what I made you- it's a divorce cake.
- I burned the groom.
- That's great.
Will you put that down? This is supposed to be a celebration.
- But I've got this inspection tomorrow.
- that is tomorrow.
Whereas right now, we have cham-poo, we have cake, and ( sighs ) We have Russell Crowe.
So can we please just start enjoying ourselves? Cheers.
Your sort of man, is he? Russell? Right now, any sort of man would do.
- Duncan? - No.
He's like a wee brother.
You must have thought about Archie.
- What about you and Archie? - Not a chance.
Come on.
You're a free woman now.
So why would I want a man? It's taken me years to get rid of the last one.
Anyway, I asked you first.
Hmmm.
Given half a chance- but he never does.
You've got to make your own chances.
If you want Archie, he's not going to make the running.
He doesn't know how.
- Your friend, Alain- - yes.
It's a pity he couldn't be here.
- Is he working in Edinburgh? - Not really.
Oh, what happened? Nothing to do with me, is it? No, it's me.
I've been with Alain for five years, and now he brings me to Edinburgh.
And we stay in a lovely hotel, and on Saturday it was my birthday, so we go to a beautiful restaurant- candles on the table, and a view of the castle, and what do you think? He asked you to marry him.
No.
He talked about football.
- What team does he support? - ( sighs ) He talked about football because he didn't want to ask me to marry him.
Duncan, because of your letters I always dreamed of coming to Scotland.
It's so beautiful, so romantic.
Alain had arranged this trip as a surprise for me, and I knew where it was leading to, perhaps he was nervous.
It's a big thing, isn't it? But I saw the ring.
It was in his suitcase.
There you go, he was going to ask you.
That's the point.
I asked him why he didn't give me the ring, and he said- he said that he changed his mind.
He must be mad! I mean- why would he do a thing like that? I don't know.
he just said all I could talk about now was dresses and invitations and churches, and I didn't know how to have fun anymore, and I had changed, and I didn't know what to say.
I just started crying.
I couldn't stay with Alain after that, and I didn't want to go home alone.
I knew if I came here you'd understand.
Well, you did the right thing.
Stay as long as you like.
Although I do think you ought to phone Alain.
He's bound to be worried about you.
I know I would be.
But, Duncan, you're different.
I wish Alain was a bit more like you.
Good night, Duncan.
Aw, all on your own? Here.
Don't go getting used to this.
It won't last.
Lexie, can I ask you something? Ach, no chance.
Breakfast is the only thing you'll be getting in bed.
No.
It's about Marie-Helene.
Mmm? She's split up with her boyfriend, and, well it wouldn't be right for me to- you know- take advantage? Hmm, so you do fancy her.
It's more than that.
I've never met anyone like her.
What? French, you mean? No, I mean beautiful, and kind, and funny.
- Thanks.
- What I mean is, she could be the one for me, the one I've always dreamed of finding.
Then go for it, wee man.
- It wouldn't be fair.
- Well, life isn't fair.
Else I wouldn't be fetching you breakfast in bed.
- All ready? - Yeah, I think so.
One thing, can you try to be polite to barr? You're the head ranger, not the laird.
Yeah, I'll try.
But this guy's a real jumped-up little jobsworth.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
did you have a comfortable night? - Adequate.
- Where do you want to start? I noticed from your literature that, quote, "Glenbogle House offers chainsaw sculpting for beginners under instruction from our trained head ranger.
" Unquote.
I'd like instruction.
My turn now? Sorry? I said, is it my turn now? Yes, of course.
You've forgotten something.
Safety helmet, ear defenders, gloves, safety boots.
what? Petrol.
Yeah, it's correctly stored.
It should be in the chainsaw.
That's why it won't work.
- Where do we keep the oysters? - In the fridge.
We've not had any in weeks, though.
What're you doing? I found this- the ultimate recipe for a night of love.
Aye, and it says oysters are a- a aphro-something.
That's a hairstyle.
No, no, no.
The love thing.
Duncan, these magazines are rubbish.
No one ever does this.
What am I supposed to do? What do you usually do when you take a lassie out? I don't know.
What'd you do the last time? Went to the sweet shop.
We were 10.
Look, Duncan, there's no secret.
Just be yourself.
Now that could be a problem.
Marie-Helene thinks he's the laird.
Aye, and I promised her a big special day out.
How do you think Marie-Helene would like to spend the day? I'm not sure.
Well, then do what you want to do, not what it says in some magazine.
The most exciting, romantic, magical thing that you can think of.
No! ( laughing ) - So far, so good.
- You think so? It's nothing that can close us down.
That's the hard bit.
Next two miles are downhill.
( barr groans ) Oh, my word! Help me! Oh, fantastic! You've killed him.
- He stopped breathing.
- What do we do? I'll give him heart massage, you do mouth to mouth.
I'll do the heart massage.
Oh, all right.
- You got a handkerchief? - No.
quick! - Aren't you going to check my pulse first? - What? A registered first-aider needs to brush up on his cpr skills, doesn't he? ( laughing ) Duncan: Hold on, I've got a present for you.
This is traditional Scottish.
( laughing ) You're so pretty.
- Are you enjoying yourself? - Of course.
Is this all yours? Uh-huh.
It's so much for one person.
I hope it won't always be for one.
You've got girlfriends? Well, no, actually.
I've always been waiting for the right one.
Where have I seen Mr.
Barr before? Your worst nightmares.
Oh, is the inspection not going well? ( alarm sounds ) That must be him.
Is there a fire? No, just another one of his safety tests.
Oh.
Oh, Archie- you've got to leave the house.
But you said there isn't a fire.
The house is in flames, you're going to be burned to a frazzle.
Oh, why didn't you tell me? You know how panicked I get.
Stella, get the fire engines.
No, our fire engine.
Bring it round the front.
- Me? - I've got to check the rooms.
The fire drill is one thing that I can do.
Mother! Your father would never forgive me if I didn't save the imperial.
( alarm continuing ) What's that noise? That'd be the fire bell.
Shouldn't we do something? No, it's no bother.
There's something I've got to say.
Marie-Helene, I've always dreamed that one day I would meet someone who would change my life.
You think you have found her? I know I have.
Oh, Duncan, I'm so happy.
Marie-Helene- Stella: Duncan! Duncan, I need you! There's a fire.
We have to leave the building now.
You sure it's not a false alarm? You'd know better than me, wouldn't you? We have to go.
- I need to get dressed first.
- I have three minutes to evacuate the house.
I'm not leaving without my trousers.
- Sorry, but rules are rules.
- ( tearing ) Put me down! Put me down, I said! ( sirens blaring ) We need to check the water tanks.
There's no time for that, get the hose.
I do hope it's not a big fire.
Hector will be terribly disappointed to miss it.
Put me down! Okay! Is this the fire brigade? By my watch the house was completely evacuated in under three minutes, which is well within the required time.
You want to put that in your safety report? Fire precautions are out with my remit.
What? I didn't set off the alarm.
And I thought you'd fully evacuated the house.
I'm terribly sorry, but I tripped one of the detectors with my blowtorch.
You can all come back in now.
Great.
In the course of my inspection, I have found no fewer than 73 contraventions of health and safety regulations.
That doesn't include the failure to ensure the house was evacuated during the fire alert.
I shall not require the premises to close down thank you.
until tomorrow a.
m.
I then recommend that Glenbogle House should remain closed until all improvements, as listed, have been made.
Finally, I should strongly suggest that you dismiss your head ranger forthwith.
However admirable your equal opportunities policies may be in regard to his mental health issues, he would appear to be not only incompetent, but positively dangerous.
That's the summary of my findings.
You'll have my full report tomorrow.
Thank you.
Did you enjoy today? Oh, it was fantastic.
There was something I wanted to say to you earlier.
I think you know what it is.
We've only been together for a day, but in a way we've known each other for years.
I've always thought of you as my best friend, but now that we've met, you could be- you are more than that.
Marie-Helene I love you.
Duncan, you're teasing.
This is one of your jokes.
No, no, I mean it, I know that you're beginning to feel the same towards me.
Duncan, I'm sorry- no, you don't have to decide just now.
I know I'm not great looking or a big genius, but I could look after you, I could make you happy.
Duncan, I really like you.
You're my friend, my best friend.
The one person I could always talk to, but you're not Alain.
But you said that was all over.
It might be for him, but I still love him.
I miss him so much.
I'm sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you.
No.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
No, I need to speak to him now.
( knocking ) ( softly ) I'll come back.
No, it's okay.
It's the lawyers.
I could be on hold all week.
Which do you think? This or this? Where are you going? You said to give it a go with Archie, tonight's the night.
Well, he might not be in the best of moods.
Well, he might need a shoulder to cry on.
Look, I couldn't borrow something of yours, could I? I'm sick of these.
Sure.
Oh, it's really nice.
- That's not very me.
- It's very Archie.
All right, I'll give it a try.
Thanks.
Wish me luck.
( knocking ) Archie: Lexie.
Were you expecting someone more exciting? I wasn't expecting anyone at all.
come in.
I'm not disturbing you, am I? No, I was just looking through this safety report.
Can't seem to find a way around it.
Stella's been on to the lawyers, I've tried to pull strings.
When it comes down to it, we have been shafted.
That guy came here looking to do that.
How sad does your life have to be to end up as bitter and twisted as he is? I'm well on the way to finding out.
No, I can't blame him.
It's my own fault.
I make a lousy Duncan.
Well, he makes a pretty good you.
Certainly knows how to put me in my place.
- Is that what I do? - All the time.
So, now that I've traipsed all the way over here, the least you can do is offer me some dinner.
Okay.
Is that a new dress? - Do you like it? - Yeah, you look fantastic.
How are the eggs? Not bad.
You should cook more often.
Thanks.
Forgotten how much I missed all this.
Scrambled eggs? No, this.
Supper without dressing up.
And my father banging on about El-Alamain or the 10th hole and your cooking.
What's wrong with my cooking? There's nothing wrong with your cooking.
It was a joke.
And that was a lie.
You're welcome to cook anytime.
So, you still nervous about this inspection? Thanks for reminding me.
Well, if there's anything I can do.
No, you've already done plenty.
I hadn't thought about it for at least a half an hour.
It's funny, being down here away from the house helps put things into perspective.
It's very easy to lose sight of what's important.
So, what's important to you? Scrambled eggs, mainly.
- Be serious.
- My family, the estate, friends.
Is that enough? For what? To you know, make you happy? Don't really know.
What about you? The same.
I mean, I guess I want a family and kids.
That does usually require some sort of a male input.
Well, you males think far too much about your input.
- Me? - Yes, you.
( laughing ) Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Look, I know it's late, but I really need to speak to Archie about what the lawyer said.
Right, yeah.
Why don't I make some coffee first? Lex? Please.
That would be great, thanks.
So, how's it going then? ( knocking ) Molly: Mr.
Barr? Hello.
Your trousers- oh.
I did my best, but needlework has never been my forte.
Thank you.
Oh, is that Mrs.
Barr? Yes.
That's the Glenbogle rose.
When was it you were here before? - A very long time ago.
- May I? Oh, she's a very attractive woman.
She was then- and she still is.
Was this a special occasion? You could say that.
It was for me, anyway.
Good night, Mr.
Barr.
Duncan? Tell me.
What is it about me? I thought that if I had a better job, or a big house, or a fancy car, then I'd get a girlfriend.
I'm the laird of Glenbogle and she's still not interested.
- What is it? - What happened? I told her how I felt about her.
She thought it was a joke.
- What's wrong with me? - There's nothing wrong with you.
You'll find someone else.
I don't want someone else.
I want her.
Well, sometimes that just can't happen.
You know, you love someone, and they just can't see it, or they want other things.
And other people get in the way.
You're just saying that.
No, I'm not.
It takes two to tango, and one half fallen in love just isn't enough.
Tell me all about it.
We'll try and work something out.
Is that a new dress? Do you like it? Yes.
you look great.
- Morning, lass.
- Good morning.
You're not going to need that at breakfast.
- I'll take that.
- No, no, really- - it's too heavy.
- Thank you.
Not at all.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you making? Eggs.
You should do it.
You're the expert.
It's different down here.
I noticed.
Thanks for last night.
Look, I'm sorry it ended the way it did, but, you know, Stella was worried.
So she should be.
Her timing's terrible.
Hmm.
we had fun, didn't we? I wish things could always be like that - just simple.
Who are you calling "simple"? The girl that just broke an egg into a mug of tea.
Is it there? I can't find it.
Let me look.
Get away.
- Here it is.
- I cannot do this.
I'll make the call.
All you have to do is keep Marie-Helene here as long as you can.
- Lexie's going to help too- - what if it doesn't work? You have to make it work.
You've lied to that girl, in your letters, and ever since she came here.
Look at the mess both of you are in.
Now you owe it to her to do the right thing.
This seems pretty comprehensive.
Congratulations, Mr.
Barr.
You've almost certainly closed us for good.
Well, that's not my problem.
Not until you've closed every business in the highlands.
Then you might find yourself out of a job.
I'd say you were in more danger of that than me.
Good day.
Mr.
Barr, I need to talk to you.
I was arrogant and inexcusably rude.
I also haven't been telling the truth about things.
I am, in fact, the laird of Glenbogle.
I swapped jobs with my head ranger because his French pen pal had come to visit.
And the whole thing with the lifebelt, my brother drowned in the loch, so I get very angry if anybody suggests that I don't care about safety.
The truth is that my father has had an operation.
My mother took the lifebelt so he could sit on it.
Mrs.
MacDonald told me about your condition.
- I do understand.
- What condition? The mental health issue.
You think I'm crazy? No more so than anyone else around here.
Would you excuse me? Thank you.
I want to leave as soon as possible.
You have to have breakfast first.
I don't want to see Duncan.
I can't explain.
There's a train at 10:00.
I'd like to take it.
Don't worry because if you miss that one, there's plenty more.
Not on the timetable.
Oh! You don't want to go looking at that, do you? Now, come on, eat up.
Because we've got kidneys still to come.
Oh and toast.
Molly: It would be easier with secateurs.
I can explain.
No need.
I know already.
You were planning a trip to Devon, and you wanted to take a bunch of Glenbogle roses with you.
- How did you know that? - Because we've met before, Mr.
Barr.
It was exactly 25 years ago in this garden.
I took the photograph of you and Mona that you have by your bed.
- You know her name? - It's all here, in my journal.
I wrote about how a young man proposed to his girlfriend, Mona, in our garden.
During one of our open days.
She told me all about it when she asked me to take the photograph.
I guessed that you wanted to take your Mona a reminder of that day.
Here, let me.
Did you think your wife might change her mind? Come back to you? - It sounds pretty stupid.
- Not at all.
I think it's the most wonderful, romantic gesture.
A crime of passion.
And I know how you feel.
With respect, you don't.
Mona walked out on me without a word after 22 years.
You have no idea.
I do- of course, I do.
The same thing happened to me.
My husband, Hector, he- he left me for an upholsterer in Lossiemouth.
He's probably pumping up her cushions as we speak.
I'm sorry, I spoke out of turn.
I love my Hector, I still do.
He was a colossus mentally, physically, spiritually, and when he left, I- I couldn't cope.
The house went to wrack and ruin, the staff out of control, but Hector loves this house.
And if I can just keep it going, maybe one day he'll return to the place where he was truly happy.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were able to help one another in some way? Can't that wait a minute, dear? - I've got to tell the bank the estate's closed.
- There's no need to.
Mr.
Barr has given us six month's grace.
I simply found the words to make him feel better.
And in a way, your father helped, too.
Mother, you're a genius.
Marie-Helene: When is the train? There's something I've got to tell you.
Duncan, I already told you.
You know how I feel about Alain.
So you did.
There's someone going in the same direction as you, someone to share your journey home with.
Alain? I phoned him.
He was worried sick.
You did this for me? What do I say to him? Tell him you don't care if you get married in a church or a kite shop, life's no fun without him.
Tell him you love him.
I borrowed this top.
Is that okay? No worries.
Where are you going? Out for a drink with Archie.
Now we're not closing down, - we need to talk about a business plan.
- In that top? Well, it's very pretty.
Then you won't mind if I come too, then.
Go on then, girl.
Age before beauty.
( theme music playing )