Nathan For You (2013) s03e07 Episode Script

1 - My name is Nathan Fielder, and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades.
Now I'm using my knowledge to help struggling small-business owners make it in this competitive world.
This is "Nathan For You.
" For most women, nails are the main way they can express to others what color they like the most, which is why, in the town of Altadena, California, there's a nail salon on nearly every corner, and this competition has left Kim Han, owner of Corner Beauty Nails, desperate to stand out.
- I always try to be different from other nail salon to make my customer happy.
- Because I'm unfamiliar with the nail-salon experience, I decided to visit Corner Beauty undercover as a gorgeous woman looking to get a manicure.
You may have expected me to wear a dress or long hair, but I believe a modern woman can present herself however she likes, And once inside, I was able to get a sense of the female experience at the salon.
Oh, this one's gorgeous.
- Yes.
- That's lovely.
- Yes.
- After 20 minutes of being there, I hadn't seen any issues with their offerings or services.
But after, while digging through my purse to find my car keys, I discovered that I completely ruined my nail job.
And later that week, when I finally met Kim, she agreed that it was a problem for her business.
- They lose something.
They looking for the key, or they hit the door.
Anything can happen when the nail wet.
- And then you have to fix it.
- I have to fix it for free.
- But customers would never have to dig for their keys and ruin their nails again if Corner Beauty offered a free valet.
- I don't know.
Good idea or not.
I don't know.
- I mean, I know I'm a bit of a fish out of water when it comes to this stuff because I'm not a woman.
- Mm-hmm.
- But you should know I was raised a feminist, and I have a very strong female side to me.
So, even though on the outside I appear masculine and rugged, on the inside, you know, I feel like I can relate to you.
- Good.
That's good.
- Kim liked my valet idea, but to save on staffing costs, she suggested I use her current employees when they had downtime in between clients.
So, after she pitched it to her staff and they seemed interested, I brought them out back to prep them for the job.
So, who here has operated a valet stand before? Okay, no problem.
It's really easy.
First rule of valet is, you got to know how to catch keys, 'cause people are gonna park their car, and they're gonna throw their keys at you.
And you never know when they're gonna come.
Good.
After practicing a variety of key-catching methods with the staff If it's a pop fly, one person's got to call it, okay? - Mine.
- Call it before it-- before it lands, yeah.
I felt like they now had all the skills they needed to run a valet.
Yeah.
[humming rock music.]
You know, guitar? all: Yes.
- You guys play? - No, no, we don't.
- No.
Yeah, I don't either.
With the training complete, we were ready to get started.
So, the next day, after setting up our valet stand and outfitting the staff, it was time to offer our new service to customers.
Hey, welcome.
So we're offering free valet today.
So, after you're done, you know, you don't have to be going through your purse and ruining your nails trying to find your keys.
- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
The customers seemed to love the idea, but I sensed some hesitation when I presented Tina as the valet driver.
- Um, well, whomever.
Who usually does it? - They're the valet.
- Okay, then let them park.
- At first, I just figured it was people's surprise at seeing a valet run by nail technicians.
- Why would she be parking my car? - She's doing the valet.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- But then I realized it might be something more.
- You have a driver's license? - Yes.
- Yeah, she's a-- she's a good driver.
She has a license.
- Okay.
All right, thank you.
- And later, when I talked to Tina, she seemed to agree.
They think that? That's when I realized the disturbing truth.
These customers seemed to be influenced by a common but misguided stereotype that Asians are bad drivers.
If this valet was going to work, it became clear I would have to do something to change these customer's long-held beliefs.
So I went online and found an Asian stunt driver named Verena Mei, who could do some pretty impressive stuff with a car, and I felt that if she could stand in as one of our valets, customers would finally see the truth about what Asians can do behind the wheel.
So I'm working with a nail salon whose customers are, unfortunately, a bit behind the times when it comes to their thoughts about Asian drivers.
- Okay, got it.
- You know what I mean? - I got it-- all the stereotypical stuff.
- You've heard all that, I'm sure.
- Absolutely.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
So I figure if they saw someone who wasn't only a good driver, but the best in the world, they'd be forced to permanently change their ideas about Asian drivers.
- Okay.
- Do you think you could help do this? - Absolutely.
I would love to do it.
- The only thing is the staff at the salon, they all have very thick Asian accents.
- Okay.
- And I noticed you don't, and I don't want any of the customers there thinking, you know, you're a plant, you know? - Yeah.
- So would you be able to maybe put on an accent? - Asian accent? Um - And then-- - I could try, but I don't really want to be, like, a stereotypical one, but For example, what do you want me to say? - You want me to show you? - Yeah.
- I mean I'm not totally comfortable doing that.
That's not offensive if I do it, is it? - I don't think so, but - Okay, I mean, I'm trying to counteract stereotypes.
The last thing I want to be is--do something racist.
- Yeah.
- I just wanted to make sure that-- I'm just showing you the voice, but I'm not, like, saying I'm necessarily right.
It's just my idea maybe, but I'm not-- Like, I don't want to offend or do anything - Yeah.
- Okay, I'm not the best at this, but-- - It's okay.
- Maybe something like [imitating Asian accent.]
"Oh, would you like me to park your car?" Is that Sound Asian or? - It sounds a little Asian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
With Verena on board, the next day, we returned to the salon, and I made sure to dress her to look identical to the regular staff.
When the first customer arrived and saw her valet, I knew she was probably nervous, but my hope was that once she had finished up with her manicure, Verena would be able to show her once and for all the truth about Asian drivers.
So what do you do for a living? - I work at Bloomingdale's.
- Oh, okay.
Wow.
- And this is prom season, so I'm selling lots of dresses.
- Oh, wow.
Yeah, I bet.
Lots of girls going to prom.
- Yes.
- Got to go to prom.
- [chuckles.]
Yep.
[tires squeal.]
[tires screeching.]
Oh.
[tires screeching.]
- Thought they couldn't drive, huh? - Yeah.
- Right away I could see a lifetime of prejudice melting out of her brain.
And as more and more Corner Beauty Spa regulars saw Verena in action [tires screeching.]
I could tell they would never be hesitant to use a valet run by Asians again.
- Your car.
- So, with that, I could now return to Kim confident that my solution to prevent women from chipping their nails would work.
Worked pretty well, right? - I have to say, you do a good job.
- And I bet you didn't think, as a man, I could've come up with something that would work so well for women.
- Maybe you feel how the women feel.
- And I know what women want.
- Yeah.
I think so.
- Thank you for those words of encouragement.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Well, thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Very nice-- happy to work with you, and good luck with your business.
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- You know, making this show, I get a lot of feedback, and one of the most common misconceptions viewers seem to have about me is that I'm a guy who never smiles and doesn't know how to have fun.
And that really bugs me because it couldn't be further from the truth.
In reality, I'm actually very fun, relaxed, and easy-going.
Now, obviously, I could just be saying that to you, so tonight I'm going to prove it.
How? By spending the entire day with a complete stranger and measuring his dopamine levels during our hangout, comparing them against a baseline to prove scientifically that he did have fun hanging out with me.
To start things off, I went on Craigslist and searched through the listings in the "strictly platonic" section in order to track down a stranger who'd be willing to spend time with me.
I then sent emails to a handful of posters looking to hang out.
And the next day, after fielding a number of inappropriate responses, I got a nice email from a man named Brendan, who had recently relocated to Los Angeles and seemed eager to make new friends.
So we made plans to hang out later that week.
But since this was all about proving to you at home that I am indeed fun, I would need to get evidence that cannot be refuted.
So I paid a visit to Dr.
Whimsy Anderson, a specialist in neurotransmitter testing, to advise me on how to scientifically prove a person is fun.
- When someone's having fun, you might see an elevation in serotonin, an elevation in dopamine, or an elevation of both serotonin and dopamine both.
- So, if their serotonin or dopamine levels go up when they're hanging out with me, that would mean that I'm fun? - For them, yes.
- Dr.
Whimsy said, to get accurate results, I'd need to obtain two samples of either urine or blood from the person-- one before our hangout began to act as a baseline, and a second at the end of doing several activities together.
But knowing it would skew the results if he was aware of what was being tested, I would have to obtain Brendan's urine without his knowledge.
So, prior to his arrival at my office, I set up a tempting selection of beverages in the waiting area.
Then, in the bathroom, I put an "out of order" sign on the toilet and attached a clear plastic bag to the urinal mat, creating a reservoir that would discreetly collect any liquid stream on its way down the drain.
With everything set and me positioned in a van outside, I watched as, moments later, Brendan arrived.
To buy as much time as possible, I sent him a text, telling him I was running late and to wait for me in the lobby.
After only a few minutes, he began browsing the selection of drinks and eventually settled on a Dr.
Pepper.
Then a half hour later, the moment I'd been waiting for finally came, as Brendan got up and headed towards the bathroom, hopefully to deposit what would be our baseline urine sample.
So, once he was done, it was time to head in to introduce myself.
Brendan? - Yeah.
- Hey, Nathan.
- Yeah, Brendan.
How you doing? - Hey, nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
Yeah.
- I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, then we can head out, okay? - Yeah, yeah.
No problem.
Yeah.
I pretended that I had to go to the bathroom too, but in reality, it was just so I could transfer the sample from the secret urinal chamber into the specimen cup while it was still fresh.
Meanwhile, one of my production assistants informed Brendan that our day was going to be filmed for a documentary about Craigslist hangouts, and Brendan seemed more than happy to participate.
- Yeah, sure.
- With his sample sealed, I hid it underneath a hollowed-out candle and then lit the wick to signal to my unpaid intern that it was ready to be taken to the lab for testing.
And with the sample secured, I could finally begin my day with Brendan.
I just wanted to be clear before we leave, I posted in the platonic section, but I know a lot of people on there were looking for sexual stuff.
That's not you, right? - No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- Okay, good.
Just wanted to make sure.
- Sorry, no.
- Okay, cool.
- I'm just looking for someone to hang out with.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- That's--'Cause I-- - Okay, great.
And with both of us on the same page, it was time to have some fun.
I had planned several activities that I hoped would raise Brendan's dopamine levels enough to get the results I needed.
Buckle up.
And as we headed to our first destination, we got to know each other.
- Like, "Star Wars," you had the red and blue factor.
You had-- the dark side was the red, and the light side was, um, blue.
In "The Matrix," you had the red pill or the blue pill.
- Okay.
- In "Shaun of the Dead," the little cone that he ate was red.
- Okay.
- In "Hot Fuzz," the color was blue.
In "Next Generation," if they wore blue, they typically would die.
In the original series, it was red.
- It seemed like Brendan and I didn't have a lot in common, but I was hopeful that once he saw my fun side, things would change.
- All right.
- So We're gonna go into a hat store and try on silly hats.
- Okay.
Let's do it.
- That's fun, right? - Yeah.
- I mean, that's something-- Is that fun for you? - Yeah, let's do it.
- Okay, let's go.
All right.
- Oh, this is pretty cool.
- Trying on hats is something everyone can enjoy, and it was the perfect way to show Brendan that I'm the type of guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.
This is what girls would wear.
- Yeah.
- I don't know about this one.
But Brendan wasn't having the reaction I expected, and after we left, I was doubtful his neurotransmitters were sufficiently raised by the hat-store experience, so I was counting on the day's next activity to do the trick.
You like go-karts? - Hell, yeah.
- Yeah? Right away I could tell Brendan was excited.
- I've got to go with red because of the red factor in "Star Trek.
" - All right.
Go-karting is like normal driving, except the car is so much smaller, so the fun comes from the fact that you know your body is too big for the car, and as we started going around the track, I could tell it was working, 'cause Brendan was smiling from ear to ear.
[screeching.]
- [laughing.]
- It seemed like his fun levels were peaking, so I wanted to get a second sample as quickly as possible.
But since waiting for his urine again could take hours, I had a plan to get this sample immediately at a clinic via blood test.
The only thing I had to do now was convince him to go.
You know, I was thinking we should do something totally random, you know? - Yeah, is there something you want to do? - I don't know.
We should, like-- we should, like, go for, like, a blood test or something.
Like, wouldn't that be crazy? So random.
Just go to a lab and get our blood drawn and stuff? - A blood test? An actual blood test? - Yeah.
- I haven't done-- Uh, yeah.
We can do that.
That sounds cool.
- I mean, they're pretty fun to do.
- Yeah, let's go do a blood test.
That'd be kind of cool.
- And with Brendan on board, we were off.
- Coming off the thrill of go-kart racing, I wanted to harvest Brendan's blood as quickly as possible, so we headed to a nearby medical clinic where I had prearranged for the necessary lab work.
To make sure his levels didn't drop due to the un-fun setting, I asked the nurse if she'd be willing to hide an electronic fart machine on her person that I'd be able to activate by remote control during the blood draw.
Do you think you could do that? - Um, I'll try my best.
- My hope was that Brendan would think they were real farts, and that the fun of that would spike his dopamine levels right as the blood was being taken.
- Who's going first? - I guess I'll go first.
- Do you want to? Okay, yeah.
- Okay.
And with Brendan in his seat, it was time to see if this would work.
[flatulence.]
- Sorry about that.
[flatulence.]
My apologies.
[flatulence.]
Sorry.
- You have some gas today? - Nope, I'm okay.
- Oh, you're okay? - Yeah, sorry about that.
- Okay.
That's okay.
[flatulence.]
- Oh, sorry.
- I mean, you should stay home if you're that sick.
- I apologize for that.
- I mean, if your bowels are-- - I'm okay.
We're just done, so I will be stepping out in a moment.
[flatulence.]
Sorry about that.
[flatulence.]
Upset stomach today.
Sorry.
- It's okay.
[chuckles.]
[flatulence.]
- My apologies.
- The farts were working, and it seemed like Brendan was having the time of his life.
All right, so I'm gonna do mine, and I'll see you.
- Okay.
- Okay, cool.
[whispering.]
That was great.
Did you see he was laughing? - Yeah.
That was good.
- Okay.
So, with everything I needed, it was time to say good-bye to Brendan.
- I'll catch you on the flip side, man.
- "Flip side"? - On the flip side.
It means "Catch you later, dude.
" - All right, see you, man.
- Yeah, see you.
- But whether this would translate into actual science was still to be seen.
So, later that week, I returned to Dr.
Whimsy's office, nervously awaiting the results.
- His serotonin when he started was within normal range.
The number was 87.
22.
- Uh-huh.
- The day of fun, it was 219.
92, so it shot up 2.
5 times what it initially was.
- Well, that's huge.
- They're very impressive numbers.
So this person who was with you was not only having fun, but they were happy, and they had a greater sense of well-being when they were with you.
- Wow.
Uh Uh, that's amazing.
'Cause, you know, I think a part of me has always had this thing ever since I was a kid that, you know, people maybe don't like hanging out with me, and, you know, even though they might say they're having fun, they're really not.
And it's really hard to, you know, have those thoughts.
I think it can really take a toll on your self-esteem a bit.
You know? - Mm-hmm.
- But now if anyone questions me and ever says that I'm not fun or is uncomfortable hanging out with me, I can say, "No, you're wrong.
I am fun, and it's been scientifically proven.
" Uh, sorry.
I just kind of opened up to you.
You're not--I don't know.
- No, that's cool.
I think it's great.
- Yeah.
- I think it's great.
- There was no denying it.
After getting the data from Dr.
Whimsy, I now had scientific proof that I am fun.
But as I was looking over Brendan's results, I realized that if he enjoyed his time with me this much, maybe this could be more than just an experiment for my show.
Maybe this could be the start of an actual friendship.
So, later that week, I arranged a meet-up at Brendan's apartment, because if this was gonna turn into something real, he deserved to know the truth.
So, um, there's something I should tell you.
- Okay.
- I mean, to start off a friendship, you need to start on the right foot, and that means honesty.
- Yeah, exactly.
- So um when we were first hanging out, I was secretly collecting your urine to have it tested in the lab to see if your dopamine levels went up.
- Why would you do that? - I wanted to see if you were having fun hanging out with me.
- I'm--I've never had anybody do that.
I mean you know, secretly, you know, taking my urine to find out if my dopamine levels went up or not.
I mean, I don't-- - I mean, I know that's weird, but it was a one-time thing.
It won't happen again, and I wanted to be honest with you, so now you know you can trust me.
- No You-- No, you took my urine.
I mean [sighs.]
I mean, if you're looking at it in a scientific way, you know, you did what you did, you know.
I mean, it's not gonna hurt me.
I mean, it's just urine.
- Am I still someone you'd want to be friends with? - Yeah.
I mean, you just took my urine.
I mean, that's in the past, man.
I'm fine.
Let's--I want to go do something today, you know.
Let's go do something exciting.
["Steal My Sunshine" by Len.]
- Oh.
- Hey! - Sunday morning of last week Indulging in my self-defeat [girl screams.]
both: Aah! - I know it's up for me - If you steal my sunshine - Making sure I'm not in too deep both: Aah! [both laughing.]
- If you steal my sunshine - Ah! That's awesome.
- [exhales sharply.]
[keys jingling.]