Nip/Tuck s03e07 Episode Script

Mr.
White, tell me what you don't like about yourself.
Uh, I can't look at myself in the mirror.
It's, uh it's too painful.
Mr.
White, I'm not exactly sure what we can do for you.
I have a condition called B.
I.
I.
D.
-- Body integrity identity disorder.
No matter how many psychiatrists I've seen or medications I've taken, I can't stop obsessing about my leg.
Well, you've, uh you've suffered a big loss.
It's very natural-- No, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand.
Uh Mr.
White, please, keep your pants on.
We don't do prosthetics.
I don't want one.
I just want my body to reflect who I am inside.
I want you to remove my leg.
Ever since I was 5 or 6, I've felt I had this extra appendage.
I used to ask god to make this awful feeling go away.
It didn't.
I turned 40 last week, and now I have a different prayer.
If there is a god, I just want him to lead me to a doctor who will help me end this agony.
We don't do amputations.
You have built your practice on body modification, and I am no different than somebody who'd come to you for a sex change.
Would you turn him away? No, but we would be helping him, not maiming him.
My friend Eric I met him in a support group.
He'd finally found a doctor willing to perform the surgery in Mexico-- a Dr.
Carrion.
So I loaned him the $10,000, I drove him to the airport.
He was so happy.
He'd finally be free.
They found him in a garage with both of his legs cut off.
He died of gangrene and infection.
It turns out Dr.
Carrion never had a license.
Mr.
White, no licensed physician will take off a healthy limb just because "it isn't you.
" Don't talk to me like I'm insane, Dr.
Troy.
I am a successful architect.
I didn't ask for this condition.
I was born this way.
I had no choice in the matter.
What about your family? Are they in favor of this? My wife, she, uh, took my son and left almost a year ago.
Mr.
White, a procedure like this, it wouldn't exactly be covered by your HMO.
Money is not an object.
I'm not asking for favors, just control over my own body.
There are thousands of people like us all over the world who are willing to lose everything, our families, our friends, our lives, to be at peace and to finally feel whole.
So I guess you're just going to dismiss this case.
Watch me.
Case dismissed.
It is a little inconsistent, though, isn't it? I mean, we correct a lot of imagined flaws to alleviate psychological pain.
That's exactly what Mr.
White's asking us to do.
And once he's lost his leg and he goes hopping down the loony trail, he'll realize that his amputation solved nothing.
Well, I'm not saying we should do it.
I'm just saying that maybe you should do a little research before you turn into Sean.
And what's that supposed to mean? You always talk about Sean's moral posturing.
Well, he's gone now, and you need to start thinking outside the box.
You want to be cutting-edge, right? Who's stopping you? You're certainly highly qualified.
Damn.
The money I could make as a civilian surgeon lifting saggy tits and asses.
Tell me, Dr.
McNamara, why would a rich, liberal plastic surgeon want to assist the FBI? It's just my work started to lose its meaning.
I spoke to Dr.
Grotten at the American board of plastic surgery.
We were friends in medical school, and I told him I was looking for something with more purpose.
Want to get back in touch with the reason I became a physician in the first place.
He told me about your program.
I want to be of service.
I left my practice, my wife, my son and daughter.
I always thought I'd die without them, but I didn't.
I'm alive.
Alive with nothing to live for.
Could you speak up? It's hard to hear through all those violins.
Listen, if you don't want my services-- I didn't say that, but I do want you to know what you'd be getting yourself into were I to accept your services.
Working as a surgeon in the witness protection program requires total secrecy.
That's not a problem.
And there's not a lot of warm and fuzzies, if that's what you're looking for.
There is no doctor-patient relationship.
Once you've altered their appearance, all contact ends.
You will not be told their new names or their whereabouts.
- It's the work I'm-- - Let me finish.
Lives are at stake.
It's not about your mid-life crisis.
There's no room for emotion or debate.
And it's my call as to whether your shit's together enough to accept that.
So is your shit together, Dr.
McNamara? No, it's not.
My shit is definitely not together.
Good.
Then you won't have any trouble taking orders from me.
Your first consult's waiting in the garden-- Nicole morretti.
She's very pretty.
It's not about changing looks.
It's about saving a life.
I'll be working alongside you to preserve the resemblance between the mother and son.
Son? Nicole Morretti? Oh I'm Dr.
McNamara.
I'll be doing your surgery.
I'm sorry, Ms.
Morretti.
I guess sneaking up on someone about to enter the witness protection program-- It's ok.
You're a doctor.
At least you know how to restart a heart.
Please call me Nikki.
My husband Vic was a member of the Cardoni family.
In the beginning, I pretended not to know.
All I knew was that we belonged together.
Don't get to pick whom you fall in love with, do you? No, you don't.
The FBI saw me as a mark.
They said if I gave them information, we would all have immunity.
They would help us move, start over.
But Cardoni didn't give immunity.
On the afternoon of our son's birthday-- he had just turned 12-- Vic was coming home early.
They shot him, coming out of a sporting goods store.
He would still be alive today if it weren't for me.
And now look at all this we gotta go through.
You'll be fine, I promise.
The procedure will be minimal, enough to be effective without being too radical.
A narrowing of your nose, cheek implants, possibly minor liposuction in the lower jaw region.
A change in hair color, tinted contact lenses sometimes minor adjustments are all that's needed to change your appearance.
What about austin? Have you ever done something like this to a boy his age? A good surgeon always takes into account how the young person's bone structure will develop and change.
And I'm a good surgeon, Ms.
Morretti.
Well, perhaps you'd like to reserve a space at another time? No, I understand, although being new does have its advantages.
No, we're not listed in that publication yet, but once we're reviewed, I'm sure it'll be-- Absolutely.
We'll still be here.
It's a vicious circle.
People won't come because no one knows about us, and no one knows about us because no one comes.
Well, Ms.
Carr seems very happy and very well-connected.
I'll bring her some flowers.
I don't want our only client happy.
I want her ecstatic.
Good morning.
I brought you some fresh flowers.
A little pampering speeds up the recovery process.
If there's anything else I can get you-- some fresh cucumber water or Honey, please.
It's gonna be hard enough adjustin' to reality after a week in this paradise.
Well, we're still new, so if you can help spread the word.
Oh, like wildfire, darlin'.
A lot of us out-of-state girls come to Florida for a quickie and have no idea where to go afterwards.
I just thank the lord he sent me to the gym that mornin' and then guided me to the elliptical machine next to Liz.
Within 5 minutes, she knew I was gay, and I knew she was having lipo.
There are no secrets when you're jiggling up an electronic mountain.
The office toilet is overflowing.
Either one of you took a big dump or some homeless bitch Oh.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were discharged.
Don't worry.
I have two boys.
I've been uncloggin' toilets for 17 years.
You don't have kids that old.
So, what? Did you give birth at 13? I want the number of your surgeon.
Oh, he hasn't touched my face yet.
I just had a little lipo.
See? It's all a matter of diet--vegetables, 8 glasses of water a day.
I put semen on my face every night before I go to bed.
And I was worried about saying "shit.
" Before the divorce, my husband used to like to spray his seed all over my face.
Didn't do a thing for me sexually, but I did notice how much better my skin looked afterwards.
Well, I checked, and it turns out that sperm is chock full of all these wonderful things-- amino acids, proteins, vitamin C.
What do you do about supply now that your husband's not around? Oh, that's not a problem.
I get all I need from my sons.
Your sons? You put your sons' semen on your face? Well, it's not like I stand over them and watch.
I give them these little amber bottles, they fill them up, and put them on my night table.
Well, it's the least they can do.
It's not like I'm asking them to unload the dishwasher.
No one here could accuse me of being a prude, right? No one anywhere.
But taking your sons' spooge and putting it on your face? Well, scientifically speaking, Mrs.
Carr is simply using an all-natural, fresh-cell, hormone-rich substance uncontaminated by cancer-causing preservatives.
It sounds like you're making a sales pitch.
You're not makin' a sales pitch are you? No! No, of course not.
It's totally disgusting.
I'm just saying that, from a business perspective, it's effective, it's healthy, it's cheap to produce.
Sperm banks throw away tons of unused donations, and semen's an anti-depressant.
It has mood-altering hormones in it.
I read about it.
Didn't do a thing for me.
That's unbelievable.
My entire life I thought there was a psychological reason why I'm a sex addict.
Turns out I was just jonesing for jizz.
We are so sitting on a gold mine here.
We are not going to bottle semen.
Look, we need a signature product, something that makes us distinctive, gets people to notice us.
I mean, if we can't make a name for ourselves, they're gonna foreclose this place, ok? And then Sean and Chritian will say they knew all along that we'd screw it up-- that I would screw it up because I don't have what it takes to be a success, and I can't let them be right about that.
Neither can you.
Dr.
Troy.
Thank you for coming.
I was thrilled when you called and agreed to see me again.
I just thought by coming here, you'd see I'm not some, uh, crazy homeless man.
I know it's a bizarre request.
"The american architecture award.
" That's impressive.
I got it for an atrium house I designed in, uh, 2001.
I utilized the power of negative space, the beauty of what's missing.
That was the last thing I designed.
So what does this have to do with your cutting off your leg? My obsession has gotten so bad lately, it's all I can think of.
Nothing else matters.
Depression has a dulling effect.
When you implied that you still might do it-- Might.
I took an oath as a physician.
First do no harm.
The "hypocritical" oath.
The medical profession's unwillingness to help me and others like me stop the pain is what's really harmful.
That's why I wanted to show you my contingency plan.
Auto-amputation, doctor.
My first attempt at furniture design.
I fill the chest with dry ice.
At minus 78 1/2 degrees centigrade, it's cold enough to freeze one's leg off-- quite literally.
In a few hours, I'll be numb and my leg will feel like a block of wood.
A member of my support group, a former nurse, has agreed to assist me.
As plasma starts leaking through the capillary walls, the skin and tissues begin to freeze.
Necrosis sets in at last.
Once the skin is cut, my leg will separate from my body as easily as a boiled chicken leg.
Once it's gone, I'll finally feel whole.
What about the risks? Sepsis, gangrene, infection? You might die.
Is that why you wanted me here? I just wanted you to know I'm losing my leg, doctor one way or another.
So your mom tells me you're into baseball.
I was.
Who knows if they even have a team where we're going.
Well, they pretty much play baseball everywhere in the country.
That's why they call it the national pastime.
Any allergies, penicillin, other medications? No, not a thing.
Is it blocked? Is what blocked? My deviated septum.
Dr.
Sagamore said it was.
He said I wasn't breathing through my nose enough.
I don't understand.
Well that's why I'm here, right? I might have to wear strips at night.
What's wrong? Austin do you know what a plastic surgeon is? Yes.
They change how people look.
That's right.
Well, Dr.
Sagamore and Dr.
McNamara are both plastic surgeons and-- They're gonna change my face? No.
No, I don't want them to do anything to it.
Just little changes so that we can look different.
I don't want to look different! I don't want you to look different! I know, sweetie, but we have to do it.
This is the only way we can be safe.
- You're a liar! - Austin.
Austin, please.
This is all your fault.
Oh, Dr.
Sagamore said not to tell him.
I wish someone had told me.
I should have told him, no matter what Dr.
Sagamore said.
I'm his mother.
Now there's nobody he can trust.
First the furniture, now the artwork.
It's coming along, don't you think? Mm.
I went to see Mr.
White.
A house call.
Well, when I said research, I meant go online.
I did that, too.
B.
I.
I.
D.
case studies.
One guy got drunk, laid down on the train tracks, woke up a double amputee.
Somebody else, a guillotine.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
All had the best psychiatric help and meds.
Nothing stops the obsession.
Ok, ok, so we go for it.
I mean, it's better they come to us than one of these do-it-yourself methods.
Right? What next? If a guy thinks he's a dog, do we give him a tail? Look, Chritian, either you're serious about making our practice number one, or we are not gonna survive.
What's operating on Mr.
White got to do with-- For starters, he's willing to pay us $100,000.
That's $70,000 over the asking price.
Why didn't you tell me this? I am telling you.
Now.
You got any more renovations planned that'll cost some poor schmuck an arm and a leg? Hey, at least I've paid my dues, doctor.
You've always been in it for the money.
Or were all those tit jobs your way of giving back to the world? We're not operating on Mr.
White.
Well, you better go break the news to him, then.
Because I've already scheduled it.
Maybe we should have waited until the spa had an actual signature before marketing a signature product.
Maybe if we gave away samples-- Oh, wait a few weeks.
We're gonna get rid of crates of this stuff just as soon as our active ingredient stops swimming.
If you're thinking of becoming a motivational speaker-- don't.
I'm just repeating what my friend told me when I went to pick the stuff up at the sperm bank.
Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.
Oh, please.
What do you know about preparation, miss "I'll design the packaging while you kids mix the yuck with lavender and alcohol.
" I'm the only one with marketing experience.
I studied advertising before I went into premed.
Oh, and you've been so successful at both.
You can be a real bitch, you know that? Excuse me.
I'm looking for Julia McNamara? Uh-huh? Hi.
I'm Joan Rivers.
Yes, of course.
I'm a huge fan.
Thank you.
But don't think of me as a celebrity.
Think of me as a familiar face that changes every couple of weeks.
I'm here for a procedure, and the tabloids know my usual recovery places, so I thought I'd check you guys out.
You're thinking about staying here? Well, my privacy certainly wouldn't be at risk.
Wait a second.
McNamara/Troy.
Julia McNamara.
You must be the doctor's wife, right? Uhe-ex.
Oh, well, good for you.
You're certainly putting your alimony to work.
So what was it? "Change of wife?" Ha.
It was more like a "mid-wife" crisis.
That's very funny.
I'm stealing that one.
Ooh! Along with this beautiful guest robe.
Oh, do take it with our compliments.
Thank you very, very much.
I know it sounds pushy, but could I have a book, too? It's my girlfriend's birthday.
- It's yours.
- Thank you! Face masks! I love face masks! Actually, Ms.
Rivers, we're only test marketing it right now.
It's not really ready for-- Come on! It's not like it's made of gold.
"All-natural, protein enriched.
Lavender.
" Smells like like a saturday night at the drive-in.
Can we take you on a tour? Our accommodations are state-of-the-art.
This is very evocative.
We have an electric magnetic resonance which is the latest thing in post-operative healing.
And tivo.
Whatever it is my girlfriend Heidi Abramowitz used to wear this all the time.
When were you planning on telling him? I wasn't.
What were you gonna do, put him to sleep, change his face, and then when he woke up say, "surprise! Guess who you are.
" I was planning on mixing midazolam in with his juice to induce sleep.
After the surgery, I'd tell him what I did.
He'd either thank me or curse me.
Either way, he'd stay alive.
What about informed consent? If he were your son-- He's a minor.
His consent isn't necessary.
It is for me.
No, it is not.
Your name is not on the door here, doctor.
I thought I made that clear.
Look, this isn't the first kid to come to us.
Last year we had one who ran away.
Panicked.
He was afraid his dog wouldn't recognize him.
Ran home to find it wound up dead.
I don't want that on my conscience.
Do you? Look, Chritian, this isn't a good time.
Fine, thanks.
And how are you? I'm sorry.
I just can't talk now.
No problem.
You call me back from wherever the hell you are when you're finished doing whatever the hell you're doing.
Ok.
Go ahead.
I'm listening.
When we did the work on Mrs.
Grubman, we both knew it was medically unsound, right? Ha.
Mrs.
Grubman was blackmailing us.
She threatened to put us out of business.
What's your point? So we did it just for the money, didn't we? The patient was aware of the risks involved.
She insisted on surgery despite our best advice, but yes, it was for the money.
It was always for the money.
Anyway, there's this new client who's offering a shit load of money for us to do this unorthodox procedure.
Just what you always wanted, right? No ethnical restraints and a shit load of money.
You left out sexual depravity and devil worship.
What is it you want from me, advice? Because I don't have any to give! Chritian, I'm the last guy you should be calling for help with moral dilemmas, because I don't know.
I don't have the answers.
You just have to figure it out on your own like I'm doing.
How long have you been standing there? Uh, since sexual depravity and devil worship.
Who were you talking to? No one.
Anymore.
Sean.
Ahh! It's like we never even knew each other ever cared about each other.
He was my mirror, you know? I'd look at him and see who I was.
Baby, you can't depend on mirrors.
They can make you look fat or old or too thin.
And Sean's made you look small.
Way smaller than you are.
I feel like a part of me is gone.
Maybe it's a part you don't need anymore like an appendix.
You only know it's there when it hurts, and once it's gone, you realize you never really needed it to begin with.
You just got used to the pain.
I'm glad Sean's gone.
If you need a mirror to tell you who you are you look at me.
I know who you are, how big and strong and good you are.
Let him go, baby.
Just let him go.
It's a quarter past.
She said she'd be here at 4:00.
It's called making us sweat.
Look, we don't know why Ms.
Rivers is coming.
It may have nothing to do with the face mask.
And if it does, we'll just play dumb and tell her to talk to our lawyer.
We have a lawyer? We will.
And if we can't afford one, the court will appoint one for us.
Look on the bright side.
The tabloids will go nuts.
"Spa trio gives jizz to Joan.
" We'll be famous.
Well, she'll be famous.
We'll be stoned in the streets.
That's the bright side? I don't wanna hear the dark side! Too late.
I hear clicking down the hall.
Ladies, time is money, and at my age inflation's a bitch.
I want to know who's responsible for La Premiere Vie face mask? It was my idea.
Well, let's cut right to the chase.
I think you know why I'm here, Julia.
Ms.
Rivers, please let me just say-- Yesterday, I went home, I looked in the mirror.
I looked like a goddamn gabor sister! I was a mess! If I lived in Afghanistan, I wouldn't even come in last in a wet burka contest.
I figured I had nothing to lose, so Oh, dear god! Take a look at me.
The three of you take a look at me! This stuff is miraculous! I'm canceling my surgery! And I'm here to offer the three of you a deal.
I'll have my lawyers draw up some contracts.
Of course, with my name on it, we'll have this stuff on the face of every woman in America by Christmas.
Uh, with your name? Of course! Joan Rivers Forever.
But it's our signature product.
Your signature is worth bubkis.
It's our entree into the business.
It has to be connected to De La Mer.
Ok, whatever.
Then it'll be, uh "Joan Rivers' De La Mer La Premiere Vie, La Dolce Vida, La Grande Casa-- " who gives a damn? We'll just get a bigger jar! - But I want 50%.
- We'll take it.
Ok.
So, pending, of course, the manufacturer's specs.
I want to know what is in this fabulous shit! Well, the active ingredient is a spa secret.
Your spa does not need a secret.
Your spa is a secret! Ms.
Rivers, we have no intention of divulging it to you or anyone, despite whatever advantages your name affords us.
Take it or leave it.
I totally underestimated you.
I thought you were just one of those little blond whoop de doops.
Deal.
I'll have my lawyer send the new contracts around in the morning.
See you tomorrow.
Partners.
And as for you your husband was a schmuck to have dumped you.
Schmuck.
They're beautiful, aren't they? Did you know koi are one of the only fish that can see color? And apparently those guys can live to be over a hundred years old.
They look sad.
Like they're trapped or something.
But they're a lot safer in here than in a lake, right? Fighting off predators and bacteria.
They may not understand it, but if they did, I bet they'd feel a lot better.
Will it hurt? The operation? During? No.
After? Maybe a little.
But you're a tough kid.
I think you're strong enough to handle it.
So does your mom.
What if I refuse to do it? Would I be killed, like my dad? I don't know.
But I don't want you to take that chance.
I know it's tough when you think about what you'll be giving up, but when you think about what you're getting-- a chance to grow up safe and protected it's worth it.
Well, we should go.
I promised to have you home before dinner.
Hey.
Those fish in there they really live to be over a hundred? That's what I've heard.
Ok.
I can handle it.
But I want you to be the one who does it.
May I come in? Ah ha I was actually planning on coming by later today.
I know that there are some papers for me to sign? We're not gonna do the surgery, Mr.
White.
- Is it a matter of money? - No.
- Because if it is, I can pay more.
- No.
- How much do you want? - No, it's got nothing to do with money.
Dr.
Costa assured me for a hundred thousand-- He shouldn't have made any promises prematurely.
Not without consulting me.
I apologize.
I have the name of a preeminent cognitive therapist.
His speciaLizes in treating patients with ocd and other phobias.
He feels confident that your particular fetish-- It's not a fetish.
It is a legitimate medical condition.
Whatever it is, he believes that he can treat it with behavioral modification.
Do you think I'm crazy? Not at all.
I wouldn't have come here in person if I thought that.
And I wouldn't have come to you if it weren't a last resort, if I weren't desperate.
I understand that.
Please put the gun down, Mr.
White.
I am so sick of you doctors who think you know all the goddamn answers.
Have you ever been desperate, Dr.
Troy? Hmm? Yes, I have.
You condescending asshole.
You and your perfect body.
You couldn't possibly understand what it is like to feel incomplete, that god made a mistake that help is possible But no one will give it to you! How much blood did he lose? At least a liter.
Dr.
Troy tied him up before there was more.
Chritian I didn't know you were there.
He was a prospective patient.
Blood pressure? Pupils are responsive.
No sign of head injury.
What the hell happened? He shot his leg off.
Well, it's a good thing you were around.
Any more blood loss, he'd be in shock now.
Femoral artery is severed.
It's missing about 10 centimeters proximal to the trifurcation.
Most of the bone is still there.
We can always do a vein graft, use bone plates if we have to.
Ready the o-neg.
Prep him for surgery.
No I don't want I don't want it reattached.
What? He did it on purpose.
He wants to be an amputee.
Please help me Look, it's a body integrity disorder, something he's suffered since childhood.
I don't know, maybe it's not a good idea to-- You know, Mr.
White, you are a very lucky man.
Your leg is salvageable.
Move him into the O.
R.
I'll do it again and again.
And I'll keep doing it.
Dr.
Abrams has agreed to let me take over.
Hospital privileges and patient requests.
I reminded him of his "hypocritical" oath.
Now you sure about this? Because once we separate the leg, there's no turning back.
This might not give you what you're looking for.
You might think it's the problem, but once it's gone, you might miss it.
Ok.
Let's take it off.
First-rate, Dr.
McNamara.
'Course, the work isn't as lucrative.
No.
But it's a hell of a lot more satisfying.
It's like we've given them a new life a chance to start over.
Too bad they had to lose everything to get it their past, their identities.
Yeah.
Maybe sometimes you have to lose who you were to find out who you are.
Believe me when I tell you this is a face mask that actually works, otherwise, I would not put my name on it.
Don't worry, mrs.
Cole.
I have you down for a private room arriving on the 12th.
I look forward to meeting you as well.
De La Mer Spa.
May I help you? Yes, I'm having my breasts enlarged, and I'd like to book a room.
Sean, did you want something? 'Cause we're kind of swamped right now.
You're kidding? Don't act so shocked.
We may even turn a profit this year.
Wow, that's, uh Joan river endorsed us on an infomercial and business really picked up.
Although it would be nice if McNamara/Troy threw us a patient every now and then.
Oh.
I'll tell Chritian then.
That's amazing, Jules.
All these years, I really believed I couldn't do anything without you.
I kept looking to you for my self-esteem, hoping you'd complete me.
Maybe we both just set it up that way.
Maybe I needed to be depended on.
Needed it.
I guess we're both better off.
I never in a million years would have guessed that in losing my marriage I'd be finding me.
It's the first time in my life I feel like this whole person.
I'm happy for you.
That you feel that way.
Whole.
I'd better go rescue Gina.
When she gets flustered, she gets all potty-mouth.
Where are you calling from? Um nowhere, really.
Just-- It's all right, Sean.
You don't have to tell me.
We're not married anymore, remember? I'm just touching base.
I'm proud of you, Julia.
You didn't compromise your integrity.
You stayed true to yourself, and you succeeded.
I gotta go, Sean.
Kimber.
Chritian.
What are you doing, honey? Marry me? Baby, we've been through this before.
I know, I know, I know, but it's different now.
Why? Today I took off a man's leg so he could feel whole.
What has that got to do with it? I guess you just have to do whatever it is that makes you feel complete, no matter how crazy it is.
All I know is that without you, something's missing.
Us.
You and me.
Till death do us part.
I love you.
Say yes, Kimber.
Marry me.
Yes.