Offspring (2010) s03e07 Episode Script

You're Darcy Proudman, you're Nina's father.
No YOU'RE Nina's father.
I'm angry.
Then I think about Nina and There's just nowhere for the anger to go.
There's been a volcano and I'm stuck here.
All flights are grounded.
Does your dog bite? No.
You can pat him, if you like.
Let's take a punt on this relationship and both of us go to London.
We can work through problems, Patrick.
Yeah, but I can't give you the guarantees you want.
I don't want guarantees.
Yes, you do.
I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
Can I stay here for a while? You've broken up? I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
You'll handle this with a strong spirit that I know you have.
So, it's been a full week post-Patrick, and, Billie, you would be so proud of me.
I've had pretty much the most constructive week in history.
You should see the storage systems.
Not much to store yet but the systems are ready.
I've discovered quinoa, the low-GI super grain.
Billie, you've got to get onto this.
It's a complete diet revolution.
I started a new exercise regime and a Twitter account.
I'm yet to actually post anything but it's there and it's ready.
It's not like there haven't been challenges.
You know how Dad likes to pull close when you have break-ups? Nina, it's your father.
I've got to confirm when we're seeing the Woody Allen.
Nina, I've got to confirm.
Now I have double dad.
Hello, Nina, it's Dr Noonan.
Uh Phillip.
That cottage I mentioned, my colleague Geoffrey's cottage by the coast, it's free at the moment if you wanted a weekend away.
Not with me of course.
Oh, unless you'd like the company.
Soon I'll face the biggest test - a full surgical day with Patrick.
And I'm not even stressing about it particularly.
I don't know if it's a new self-assurance or maturity, Oh, yeah, Clegg swapped himself on.
Why? Because of you.
What about me? Well, you've been looking a bit flummoxed.
Flummoxed? Frazzled.
Flustered.
'Discombombulated'.
Discom-BOB-ulated.
Martin.
Mmm? Did you take me off the surgical roster? Sergei, I'm going to have to call you back.
Dasvidanya.
That's correct.
Why? There seemed to be a feeling amongst staff that perhaps the roster could be used to create some space between yourself and Patrick until equilibrium is achieved.
Equilibrium is has been.
I'm fine.
Does Patrick have some sort of issue? No, the bulk of the concerns seem to be about you.
Well, what are people saying? They tend to illustrate their concerns with a slew of pop culture references that I fail to understand.
Alright, if any of you have anything to say about the 'me and Patrick' situation, then just get it out now.
Get it out now so we can just put it to bed.
No-one's been saying anything much.
Except Zara made up a novelty calendar.
What? Traitor.
To mark off the days until you guys get back together.
I predicted 34.
Maximum.
Cherie invented a song with a dance.
I adapted a song, a Wham song.
I didn't make the T-shirts or anything.
Kim invented a word 'perchunked'.
'Perchunked'? It describes you post-break-up.
It's not an insult or anything.
It just means Professional.
But in a slightly scary way.
Like someone who's OD'd on caffeine.
Or like a woman in a Danish Dogma movie.
What about Patrick? Anyone invented any words for him? Nah.
No.
Because he's probably wise enough to steer clear of you.
No, he's been unusually friendly.
Yeah, normally he does that weird thing where he's distracted and grumpy.
But now he's almost Chipper.
OK, keep it light, unaffected.
Hi.
Hi! What? That.
That right there.
That's what 'perchunked' looks like! Now, you've got to make it clear to Billie that I'm going to be back.
A lot.
Lots of visits.
Yeah.
Right.
And one of those visits maybe will coincide with the one time of the month that Billie's ovulating.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Mate, she'd want you to go.
For sure.
Andrew, can you promise me something? If it doesn't work out with Tim, for whatever reason, don't stick around too long.
You do that.
Like with Mr Italy.
You're too nice.
Well, you promise me something.
That you're going to fight harder for your music.
I know you hate marketing yourself but you're going to have to get over that.
You've got a wife now.
And you're talented.
Stop dressing like Ellen.
Yeah, you do.
Look.
You wear the trainers and the little vest.
Stop that.
Start dressing a little MORE like Ellen.
You rock up to gigs like you've just rolled out of bed.
You're meant to be a professional.
If Tim says anything about an open relationship you can just forget that, OK? You know that's not you.
Watch yourself with Rosanna.
That's it.
That's all I have to say on the matter.
Yep, here we go.
G'day.
Don't act surprised.
I've seen the way you are around her.
It's not like you haven't made mistakes before.
Oh.
What? You criticise my conduct in relationships.
Yeah, I basically said, "You're too nice.
" You basically said, "You're an arsehole!" That's not what I meant.
Come on.
Forget it.
Now you're going to get all 'woofty' on me? 'Woofty'? It's not even a word, Andrew.
I love you, Mick.
Me, too.
Nah, try again.
What? Say it.
Say it.
Say it.
I love you, too, Andrew.
OK, so you should be going numb from your middle down.
Yes.
Yep.
Oh, God! Oh, thank God.
OK, this is ridiculous.
You're only acting self-conscious because people are telling you you're self-conscious.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, or forecast, or syndrome.
Just walk in, Nina.
Hi, Cathy.
You must be feeling much more comfortable now.
He is my new favourite person.
Yes, he's very good at his job.
And you are definitely my new favourite customer.
Just lie down on your side for me.
Alright, Cathy, I'll be back to check you in a bit.
Thank you.
Thanks, mate.
Thanks, Patrick.
See? Perfectly normal professional interactions.
There's no issue here.
He's just gorgeous, isn't he? I mean, it's not just the drugs, is it? He's hot.
Oh, he's hot.
Just lie down a bit more.
Is he single? Just relax.
Is he? I'm not sure, actually.
Well, don't you work with him? Yeah, he's a man of mystery.
Yeah, but is he single? Yes or no.
He's single.
Yes.
I believe.
Call Heather.
She's still in the cafeteria.
Call Heather.
OK, Cathy, you're doing very well.
You've got a little way to go, though, so just conserve your energy.
Heather, you've got to come and see this guy.
Yeah, the anaesthetist.
No, no, trust me.
Trust me.
His eyes are so soft and he's got big hands.
Big, big hands.
You know what I'm saying? No issue.
No issue.
Trust me! You know what you need? What? You need to go out, get smashed, somewhere where they play bad pop.
I'm free tomorrow night.
Me, too.
Thank you.
Actually, I've got plans tomorrow.
Thank you.
I know for a fact that tomorrow she's going to a movie with her father, and not even at night.
Just in the afternoon, like a matinee.
Hmm.
That's really sad.
OK, now just stand completely still.
Look straight ahead.
OK, I'll keep moving around like this.
That's going to make people dizzy, isn't it? No, no, no.
It's really slow.
OK.
Just pretend sing for a bit.
Like, mime? Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Mick.
Hey.
Thought we were doing this tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, we've got to prep.
Get the concept happening.
The concept? This is just supposed to be Rosanna singing.
We don't need 'Thriller' or anything.
Yeah, we do, you can't just put some crappy handy cam thing online and expect people to come to your show.
You're in the way.
You're in the way.
Move.
OK.
Yeah.
Alright, can I connect this to your television? Yep.
Just fiddle with the cables at the back.
Mmm.
Let me give you a hand.
I'm sorry about this.
He's fine.
He's fine.
He may not be the cinematic auteur he claims to be.
I'm sensing that.
In fact, his entire creative output consists of videos of Rocket either farting or asleep in the dishwasher.
Mick, he's fine.
I think he's gorgeous.
OK, check this out.
Hmm! Hey.
That's a lot of angles.
Hey, you have got nothing but good angles.
Oh, Jimmy.
Look at that little bit.
OK, you should be starting to feel that.
You are a god! Well, without the lignocaine I'm nothing.
I doubt that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Nina, new patient in 306.
Five minutely contractions.
She's French-speaking, though, so we're waiting on an interpreter.
Does she want an epidural? Apparently not.
I'm on it.
Oui.
Hi.
Clegg's organising the interpreter.
They should be here soon.
Inez is from New Caledonia.
She's stuck here because of the ash cloud.
Oh.
Yeah.
Pat Patrick, could I have a word with you outside? Yeah.
What? You speak French?! Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
I did a year in France when I was at university.
Is that a problem? No.
No, it's just you'd expect to know these sorts of things if you had a serious relationship and you move in with someone.
You just assume that you know the fundamentals.
I thought you did know.
Well, I didn't.
Do you want an apology or something? No.
I don't know your language abilities.
Because I don't have any.
Well, no, I did learn Indonesian at high school.
I can hardly remember any of it.
Satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima No, see, I can't even count to 10.
I always get stuck at six.
Enam! Nina, is it too early for us to be working so closely with each other? Sorry about that, Inez.
And we're so sorry that your husband can't be here.
But we're going to do everything we can to deliver a beautiful baby today.
You're not seriously bringing lights are you? I have standards to uphold, Michael.
But you realise there's no money in this.
It's just Of course, I don't want any money.
You can just buy me a drink.
Maybe four.
Maybe just make it an even dozen.
Yeah, well, you better stock up on free drinks before the baby arrives, huh, Jimmy? You're going to be a dad, Jimmy? Yep.
Oh, gorgeous.
When's your partner due? Is it your wife or your girlfriend? Oh, no, no.
Neither.
The mother's Zara.
She's a totally brilliant girl and we are doing this as a team but we're not together like a couple.
I'm not together with Olly's dad, and Olly turned out mostly OK.
Give or take.
He's a brilliant kid.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
OK.
What? What?! See you tomorrow.
I might come by tomorrow afternoon and divide up the rest of our stuff, if you're home.
Fine.
Perfect.
You seem to be managing pretty well.
What is that supposed to mean? All week you've been What? Aggressively cheerful.
What? Me? You're the one who's all sunshine sweet.
"Sunshine sweet"? Yeah, with your happy, snappy fans and your French flirty talk-talk and Nina, I can assure you, being here with you, it's not cheerful.
I'm not going to ask people to roster around us, Patrick.
I won't do that.
Yeah, no.
Just leave.
Exit the building now while the damage is minimal.
Sort of minimal.
Damn it! One of us has got to move on.
What? I've been thinking more and more that person should be me.
Hang on.
There might be some openings at the Ainsworth.
Patrick, that's ridiculous.
I know it's challenging for us at Challenging? Nina being so close to you, doing this dance every day it's just it's gutting me.
I won't tell Martin it's because of us.
I'll tell him I've been thinking of moving on from obstetrics, which is true.
I'll tell him tomorrow.
Two, three, four.
Too many people give up when it gets too rough You're in the corner And you've gotta pick yourself up You're doing that weird thing with your face again, Mick.
No, don't stop playing.
Just absorb the direction and keep going, mate.
From the bridge? Yep.
Two, three, four.
Too many people give up when it gets too rough You're in the corner and you've gotta pick yourself up You're doing it again.
You were doing it again! What? What? What am I doing? I can't describe it.
It's just this way you're holding your face.
It's, like My face was not doing that! Rosanna, can you please confirm the facial distortion? That's Olly.
One sec.
If you keep sabotaging, this is gonna take a lot longer.
I'm not sabotaging anything.
You look homicidal.
Well, if your little flirting mission wasn't soaking up days of my time Rocket! Sorry, Jimmy.
We ready? Yeah.
You know what? Let's just forget these extra shots.
We'll keep it simple, hey? Oh, come on! We'll just get one shot of you singing.
Go.
Rocket! Mick, where's Rocket? Look, he's around.
Look, come on.
We're set up, ready to go.
We're ready to play.
Let's do this.
He's not.
Rocket! Rocket! That's in cinema one.
Cinema one.
Oh.
Patrick's leaving the hospital, he says.
He told me yesterday.
Oh.
It's a good thing.
Probably.
It's just there was a tiny fragment of me that thought that if he was still Yeah.
In all this time, I've never moved more than three blocks away from your mother.
Hard to let go of that last little bit of hope.
Hey, do you want to drown your heartache in popcorn and choc tops? Very much so.
OK.
Nina! No.
Who? Nina.
Hello! Hello! Here for the Woody Allen? Oh! I I am.
"I-I-I was nauseous and felt tingly all over.
"I was either in love or I had smallpox.
" Mmm.
I know every quote.
I think I've seen every picture, even the direct-to-video ones.
Are you here alone? I love the pictures alone.
For me, it's the only way Oh.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Here for the Woody Allen, I hear.
Yes.
It's supposed to be a good one.
Someone at work said.
Yes, a return to form.
Well, I better Well, really, we should better I should leave you to it.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.
Of course not.
Rocket? Did you leave the door open, Olly? What? No, it's not that.
He doesn't normally run away.
Rocket! Rocket! Say something.
Anything.
Anything.
Switched your phones off? Rocket! How-how long since you've lived here? Six months, but this was his home for seven years.
Right.
Rocket! Can you take me to McAllister Street? McAllister Street, Collingwood? Yeah, it's the first share house I lived in when I got Rocket.
Thanks for this, mate.
It's a long shot, but as a puppy he was really good at climbing through the back fence.
Rocket.
What's wrong, mate? What's wrong with you, huh? What's wrong, boy? What's wrong with you? Hop in the front, love.
There's a vet on Gore Street.
OK.
Put your seatbelt on, Olly.
Hang in there, boy.
You're going to be OK, mate.
What's happened, mate? What's happened, boy? OK, here we go.
Hang in there, mate.
You're OK.
You got a minute? I am reading the most fascinating article about the rebuilding of the uterine wall postcaesarean surgery.
I've decided to leave St Francis.
There's a job going at Ainsworth Hospital.
I put my hat in the ring.
Come on, Martin.
Are you going to say something? Yes, I am.
OK, then.
Patrick, this is a singular hospital.
A unique work environment.
It would be a pity if you were to leave because of a personal entanglement.
It has nothing to do with Nina.
And I'm also going to say this.
OK.
Sleep on it.
What? Like 'The Princess and the Pea'.
What? If you sleep undisturbed tonight, unlike the eponymous princess, then, my old friend, I will support your decision.
You know, I often rather thought it was an allusion to the clitoris.
What was? The pea.
What?! And the prince's inability to find it and thus disturb her sleep.
Alright, I'll sleep on it Hmm? .
.
Martin.
But if someone calls from Ainsworth Hospital just say nice things about me.
Yes, if anybody calls I'll be sure to tell them all about you.
It's not that I was disappointed, it's just you know what it's like when people build things up.
I know the part in the cocktail bar was fantasy but the part in the dance hall What?! What? What is it? Jimmy said Rocket might be dying.
What? How? Sorry, who's Rocket? Yes.
Oh, he disappeared for hours and then Mick found him unconscious.
They're all at the pub waiting for news.
Sorry, is Rocket Oh, Rocket is Mick's dog.
My brother-in-law.
He's a kelpie.
I'm sorry, we have to Is there anything I can do to help? Sorry.
I'll call you later.
Billie can you call me as soon as you can? Something's happened and Call me as soon as you can.
Hi.
You've reached Billie Proudman.
I'm out of the country at the moment, so leave me a message.
Sorry.
I'm sorry to do this to you in a message but Rocket's dead.
He disappeared today and I found him and he was really sick and I had to put him down.
And I hate telling you like this but I've got to go see your whole family.
They're waiting to hear.
Oh, just call me.
Please.
They said it was pretty much all over by the time we got him there.
I had to I had to put him down.
You poor thing.
I'm so sorry.
Here.
Olly, come on.
Give him a hug.
No.
Do you want to say something, mate? I can't.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Go on.
No, I'm good.
I've got to get home just in case Billie gets on Skype, so Yeah.
Stupid thing.
Oh, hello.
Weren't we going to sort out the rest of our stuff this arvo? I'm pretty sure we didn't settle on a time, Patrick.
Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure we did.
Well, you didn't confirm, so I don't know why you're taking these sheets, because they're not going to fit your bed.
No, that's all your stuff.
That pile.
Everything there.
OK, if you think this is too difficult, then No, I'm not upset about this.
I'm upset because What? Rocket.
Rocket? What about him? He's dead.
He had a tumour.
They had to put him down and Billie's still stuck in New Zealand and we can't get hold of her.
Nina.
Nina.
Nina.
Hey.
Hey.
Patrick You decide what you want to keep and just put everything else in a pile, OK? I'll, um I'll come back tomorrow and I'll get it.
Hello? I'm seeing the value in alcohol and bad pop.
I can be in my dancing outfit in seven minutes.
Great.
Hi, you've reached Billie Proudman of Proudman Real Estate.
I'm currently overseas, so please leave a message after the tone.
Billie, where are you? Can you can you please call me as soon as you can? Or I'll put Skype on.
Skype me.
- Hey.
- How are you going? Eh.
How's Olly? I'm so sorry to ask you this, but do you mind chatting to him for a sec? Is he OK? Yeah, it's just I think he took it to heart before when I snapped at him for leaving the door open.
Put him on.
Thanks.
Hey, Olly.
I've got Mick on the phone.
What? I've got Mick on the phone.
He just wants a little word for a second.
Mum! No way! Sorry.
I promise all that comes for exhaustion.
Had a bit too much sugar.
I'll come over.
Sorry! The bar was packed.
What did we miss? Not much.
We were just agreeing not to talk about Patrick too much tonight.
That's right.
But since making that agreement, all we've done is talk about Patrick leaving the hospital.
That's right.
Patrick's leaving the hospital? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
You know one of the worst things? What's one of the worst things? I really liked his sister.
I mean, I really liked her.
And you know when you really connect with someone? Yeah, I really do.
So now it's all weird and I feel weird ringing her, and it's just a shit of a situation.
Come on, Neens.
Drop the C-bomb, you know you want to.
No.
Come on.
You've never said it.
It'll do you good.
No.
I can't, I can't.
You're nearly there! Nearly there! Can I just ask you one thing, totally honestly? Do you think Patrick do you think do you think he left because I'm a bit insufferable? No! No! No, no, no! Nina, you are a brilliant, smart, attractive, caring woman.
Yeah, but I'm just a bit I'm a bit The only thing that you need sometimes is just to let go! Yeah, I know.
Bad news.
Terrible news.
I just spoke to the DJ and he refused to play bad pop.
He doesn't have anything before 2010 or anything with lyrics.
He actually laughed at me.
Oh, that DJ's a This is above and beyond.
Come in.
Olly! Suddenly unconscious.
Thanks.
Stop tickling me.
Ah, so you're conscious? Hey, mate, today with Rocket, you know that wasn't your fault, right? Yeah, I know.
OK, I was just checking you knew that.
I did.
Rocket was sick and he was really old.
Old? Yeah, you didn't see all the grey hairs all over him? I thought that was just his hair.
Nah, Rocket was 15.
That is really old for a dog.
See, I got Rocket when I was 20.
See, I didn't have a cool mum like your mum.
My mum hated dogs.
So when I moved to Melbourne the very first thing I did was go to the pound.
I refuse to believe that.
You hear me? I refuse.
Good for you.
Haven't you got any mid-'90s Kylie? Sorry.
What about her indie phase? Don't be all bopping with your headphones.
I know you can hear me.
This is bullshit.
Bullshit! Come on.
Come on.
No! No, wait, I've got it on my phone! Wait, wait.
I've got it on my phone.
My 'park walk' mix.
Look! I'm not playing off your phone.
Why not? Here's 25 bucks.
$50? No, come on.
Neens, there's other places.
Let's go.
Tough Muff's on tonight.
Ooh, yeah, yeah! Yay, Tough Muff! What is it? It's a lesbian club.
Oh.
What's so funny? No, it's just the image of you at Tough Muff is funny to me.
No offence.
Why? 'Cause it's cool and underground? No.
It's actually kind of pop-tastic.
Take me to Tough Muff.
Olly is desperate for a dog.
He's been nagging me for years.
And this thing about moving all the time, you know, I just Does Olly see his father much? Olly's father left when Olly was three months old.
Ooh.
Bass player.
Total cliche.
I know, I know.
So was he conceived on the road? No, I found out I was pregnant in Albury-Wodonga.
We'd been together for a year, though, it wasn't your classic, you know Pub tour pregnancy.
No, no, no, no.
How long have you and Billie been married? A few months now.
Really? Newlyweds.
Yeah.
Thought you'd been married for years.
No, we've been together forever.
Five years maybe.
OK.
Sort of.
On and off.
There were speed bumps.
Or there was me fucking up.
Sorry.
Is it her? Yeah.
Hey.
God, I just got all your messages.
Are you home? No.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK, it's Billie.
Was he hit by a car or? No, it was a tumour, the vet said.
He just went downhill really suddenly.
Are you near a computer? Can you get on Skype? No, I'm not.
I'm having a drink.
I can be online in maybe 15 minutes.
I don't understand.
Had he been sick? Yeah.
No, he seemed fine.
He was a bit subdued but then this afternoon he disappeared.
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, you're breaking up.
What? I said, not a funeral, like a memorial to commemorate him.
Yeah, we already did that, Billie.
Sorry, what? I said we kind of did that! This fucking ash cloud.
Sorry, what? I said we did that! Today at the pub.
I wasn't there.
We'll do something else.
When I imagined us middle-aged with grey hair I always imagined Rocket with us, at your feet.
Jesus, Billie, he was 15 years old.
Yeah, I know.
I'm not saying it's logical, I'm just saying.
I'm sorry.
I'm just so tired.
Do you want me to leave you alone so you can go to bed? Can we leave Skype on and just lie together for a while? Billie.
Yeah? I miss you like sleep.
Me, too.
You know what I'm going to do one night? I'm going to get a babysitter for Isabella I'm going to pay and you and I are going to go out and we are gonna get down! Someone needs to end this.
We don't have to talk about your brother, it's not about Patrick.
It's about you and it's about me and it's about the music It's just Sorry, Kate? Cherie.
Gotta go.
Bye.
What? Before we go up, let me just say this, if you do the whole 'dumped straight chick gets drunk and pashes a girl' thing, I'm going to lose complete respect for you.
Why? 'Cause it's tragic.
I was once a dumped straight chick who got pissed and kissed a girl and it changed my life.
No, you were once a dumped closeted gay chick, it's totally different.
I was once a bored straight chick who kissed a girl for the entire month of November 2007.
Oh really? Do not get inspired by her.
Do not! Oh, yes! This is what you needed.
Just let go.
Let go and give in to the music.
Yeah! Oh, I could have been a dancer! No matter what happens to you in life, Nina, you've just got to remember, you'll always have this.
You'll always have the beat of the music.
You'll always have the quinoa and you'll always have the Woody Allen movies and the friends and the pets and the dancing! You'll always have the dancing.
This this could get bad.
Yeah.
Wish I'd brought a camera.